Latest / The Ben Maller Show / Hour 3 - It's a Pirate's Life For Me

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Hour 3 - It's a Pirate's Life For Me · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Boom, shaka Laca and playball. It's our numbber three, our
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: number two. How do he partners? Our number three of
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: the Ben mather Show Original recipe podcast. Is it fair
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: to expect anything from nineteen year old Connor Griffin in
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: his first big league season with the Pirates? Expected to
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: make his debut later today in Pittsburgh? Also overall thumbs
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: up or thumbs down. Wide Angle lends thumbs up thumbs
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: down on Pirates' shortstop Connor Griffin being a quote can't
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: miss prospect. Also did Giants third baseman Matt Chapman cross
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: the line going after first baseman Casey Schmidt mid game?
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: And it was caught on candid camera? Talk about that
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: as well. And don't forget fifth hour podcast today Big
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Ben's lame jokes of the week this hour as well.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Here it is our number three. It's a pirate's life
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: for me, well not me, but this other guy. Welcome
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: in the beginning of another hour of The Ben Mahlor Show.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: We are in the air, am re ware, as we
• 1:19
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  Speaker 1: And and then I got this this memoi. I said, well,
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  Speaker 1: so our lead this hour from baseball. That's right. We
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: go to Pittsburgh, PA. Underrated city, underrated city.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I've been in Pittsburgh in a while. When I was there,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: I was very impressed. I was like, man, this is
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: pretty cool. Good downtown, a lot of bridges, the city
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  Speaker 1: of bridges there, Pittsburgh surrounded by water, very beautiful. You
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  Speaker 1: drive in on that main highway, come out of a
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  Speaker 1: tunnel and you see all the big skyscrapers in Pittsburgh's
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: pretty cool. Anyway, It's not about that the pirates. It's
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: a pirate's life for me. The pirates are calling up
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  Speaker 1: Connor Griffin. Yeah, I think that was one of the
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: cast members on Family Guy. No, I don't know. Well,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: you likely haven't heard about Connor Griffin. And if you
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: have heard about him, you're either related to him or
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: you're a loser. As a nineteen year old prospect, and
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: you know, a prospect is a suspect until proved otherwise.
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  Speaker 1: Nineteen year old shortstop Connor Griffin, who is the number
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  Speaker 1: one prospect. He will be taking the field today on
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: this Friday home opener for the Orioles, for the Pirates
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: against the Orioles, said the man on the radio. So
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: this is supposedly a big deal. I don't know if
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: you've been following it or not, if you're into this story.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: And he started out briefly in the minor leagues and
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: now here we go, ready to start the old engine.
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  Speaker 1: At nineteen years old and three hundred and forty four days, Griffin,
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  Speaker 1: who is going to be the starting shortstop for Pittsburgh.
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  Speaker 1: He'll be the first teenage position player, unless something goes
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  Speaker 1: terribly wrong, He'll be the first teenage position player to
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  Speaker 1: debut since Juan Soto way back in twenty eighteen. I
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: was just a kid back in twenty eighteen, and so
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  Speaker 1: Soto will be the new answer to the trurer question
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  Speaker 1: will be Connor Griffin because he will then be the
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  Speaker 1: last teenager to start in the big leagues since Juan Soto.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: So the next guy that comes along, who's probably like
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: three years old right now, or four years old or
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: something like that, they'll get that title. So now we
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: are told that Griffin and the Pirates are this close,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: this close to a deal, a record setting long term
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: contract extension. It has not been announced yet. Now the
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: chatter is that this deal will be announced just before
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: first pitch. The Pirates will announce. By the way, we've
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: got this now, there is also a conspiracy the Pirates
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: are gonna wait until after the game, sometime over the weekend.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: It could be the Easter Bunny that presents the contract
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: because they'll get like an extra draft pick. I'm gonna
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: go full Illuminati on this. So all of that is
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: a good jumping off point. Let us discuss the question
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  Speaker 1: is it fair? Is it fair to expect anything from
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  Speaker 1: nineteen year old Connor Griffin in his first big league
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  Speaker 1: season with the buckos. So my views on this, I've
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: got boombox, voodoo, and arm bar and we will combine
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: all of these things together and we will lodge a complaint,
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: because that's what talk radio is all about, lodging complaints,
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: and we'll go for the gusto. So, first of all,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: to answer the question, is it fair to expect anything
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: from this guy? And I'm nodding my head yes, like
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: an old school bobblehead. That's the deal. This is not
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: last I checked out. Might be wrong on this. It's
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: not Juco travel ball with the moms on lawn chairs
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: and some random dudes cooking wieners on a barbecue. That's
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: not it. This is the show, Oh y'all tell me,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: oh man, the show, the bright lights, the big cities,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: the big checks. It's a cut of all, is what
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: it is. And so you can't ride in on the
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: white horse. Right here he comes to save the day
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  Speaker 1: on the white Horse as the consensus top prospect in
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  Speaker 1: baseball with a hype machine blaring like a boombox cranked
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  Speaker 1: up not till eleven to seventy seven, and then hide
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  Speaker 1: behind Well, you know, it's only nineteen years old. You
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  Speaker 1: can't expect much from him. Bull crap. I'm sorry that dog,
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  Speaker 1: don't hunt. That's not how this works. And not when
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  Speaker 1: you've been told that this guy's God's gift to baseball,
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  Speaker 1: then natural two point zero wonder boy, he's he's missing
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  Speaker 1: the lightning bolt. Get that lightning bolt on the back
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  Speaker 1: on the bat. Okay, we'll get the lightning bolt on
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  Speaker 1: the back, ready to go. And let's not ignore the
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  Speaker 1: cartoonish money cannon for this guy. And we're told the PPP,
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  Speaker 1: the penny Pinching Pirates, the penny Pinching Pirates are planning
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  Speaker 1: to back up a nine year, one hundred and forty
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  Speaker 1: million dollar Brinks truck for Griffin, and last I checked,
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  Speaker 1: expectations do come with that.
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  Speaker 3: Now.
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  Speaker 1: We are told also that this will be just the
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  Speaker 1: set second contract in Pirate's history where a guy's gonna
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: get over one hundred million dollars. Brian Reynolds got one
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  Speaker 1: of those contracts and has been pretty much a liability.
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  Speaker 1: Not that great a ballplayer he got paid. He's very average.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Brian Reynolds. I bring this up because the Dodgers, I
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: think they've given their bullpen catcher one hundred million dollars.
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  Speaker 1: Although it's deferred until twenty one point thirty, but still
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  Speaker 1: so with I learned this from stan Lee and Supermarket.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Steve loves when I use this line. With great hype
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  Speaker 1: comes great accountability, and Griffin not being introduced as a prospect,
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  Speaker 1: He's being marketed as a franchise savior that he is
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  Speaker 1: what Paul Skeins is to pitching this guy, Connor Griffin
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  Speaker 1: is to every day players right that that good a player.
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  Speaker 1: And so another factor in this is the amount of
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  Speaker 1: money that has been given out the last couple of weeks,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: last couple of months, and this has been going on
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  Speaker 1: for a few years. It feels like we're really at
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  Speaker 1: that point where it's just bananas right now with these
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: guys that haven't had a lot of experience. This guy
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  Speaker 1: has no experience getting these big contracts. And I got
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  Speaker 1: a message, interesting message from somebody that works in baseball
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  Speaker 1: that believes this will be brought up when they have
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  Speaker 1: the Armageddon next year and they're gonna have this the
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  Speaker 1: strike or the lockout, whatever it is when we call it.
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  Speaker 1: And the argument the players are gonna make is, well,
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  Speaker 1: the Pirates and the Marlins and these teams don't spend
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  Speaker 1: they don't spend enough money. And then Major League Baseball's
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: and say, well, look at the Pirates. They gave this
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  Speaker 1: nineteen year old punk one hundred million dollars or whatever
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  Speaker 1: it is. So keep an eye on that now turning
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  Speaker 1: the page, but not far. Let's expand the conversation, expand
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  Speaker 1: the companition. So not just this year. Let's go up
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  Speaker 1: to thirty thousand feet. We mentioned one hundred and forty
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  Speaker 1: million extension, which is supposed to get done here soon
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: as a reward. Otherwise he would not be in the
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: major leagues. The Pirates would leave him in the minds.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: As I understand it, the Pirates would just leave the
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  Speaker 1: guy in the minor league for a little while longer
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  Speaker 1: and then eventually bring him up. But not now. They're
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: bringing up now because the contract's all but done. So
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  Speaker 1: the question thumbs up or thumbs down, So thumbs up
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  Speaker 1: thumbs down on Pirates shortstop Connor Griffin being a quote
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: can't miss prospect, all right, So I am going two
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: thumbs down. I got two thumbs down on this, and
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: the question itself I find offensive. It is a violation
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  Speaker 1: of common baseball logic. There is no such thing as
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: a can't miss it doesn't exist. That is a bed
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  Speaker 1: time story told by executives to owners to convince them
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  Speaker 1: to provide a blank check. All right, And the high merchants,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: and we know who they are at the different nerd
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: websites like fan Grafts and all these other ones that
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: sell false hope. That's their industry, false hope, and baseball
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: sells jerseys. Connor Griffin, Now, listen, the guy looks great.
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  Speaker 1: I physically, he's got the gift of the gods, and
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  Speaker 1: he looks like he should be wonderful and built like Adonis.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: As far as Baseball's concerned. He has ass kicked in football.
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  Speaker 1: But that's fine. Looks great, right and just just absolute wonderful.
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  Speaker 1: And my issue is this, I gotta see it. I'm
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: in a show me state of mind. I gotta see
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  Speaker 1: it in the big leagues before I get all God
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  Speaker 1: got all that stuff, and I'll be Benny Bright's side.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: At this point, Griffin not only does he have the
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: contract coming his way, which is a great mitzvah, but
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: also he's got the voodoo bugoloo. Now what is the
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: voodoo boogaloo? That is the curse of sky high expectations.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: This guy goes out there and for five games in
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: he's got no hits. Like, wait a minute, that's not
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: a blessing. That's a booby trap, is what that is.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: And remember the Golden rule. A prospect is a suspected
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: to prove Otherwise you write that in ink, not pencil.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: You write that in inc You tattoo that we have
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: seen this movie before. The five tool phenom who turns
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: into garbage, turns into garbage, right, just stale leftovers and
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: all that stuff. And listen, baseball is a graveyard of
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: the next big thing. The next big thing depends how
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: old you are. There have been so many of them
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: that have passed through. Many of them played for the
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: Boston Red Sox over the years. My favorite I was
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: much younger. They had a guy named Phil plan Tier
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: who had a very unique batting stance and he squat
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: all the way down. It looked like he was ready
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: to take a poop. And he was their top player.
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  Speaker 1: Had every record. He was terrible, not terrible, it's mediocre.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: In the Major League Mets years ago, I had a
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: guy named Greg Jefferies who was the next Charlie Hustle
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Pete Rose, except he was like a two to seventy
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: hitter and nothing really special. And there's tons of these guys.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Those guys, you know, they didn't get the forever contract.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: Expectations are like fine China, you squeeze too tight, they
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: shatter into a thousand pieces. So pump the breaks now,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: Pump the breaks now. Connor Griffin has been tattooed with
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: potentially the Gods gift the baseball all that stuff. Very loud,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: very loud marketing campaign for this guy. And as Bill
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Parcells taught me as a kid, potential means you haven't
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: done anything yet, and you lose with potential, you win
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: with production. All right, speaking of that, I know it's
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: early in the baseball season. However, I love this story
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: out of San Francisco. The Giants scarfed down the Mets
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: in the game on Thursday. That's not the story. There's
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: some ten recently boiled over for the Higantes. As Matt
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: Chapman sounds like a name from the nineteen twenties in baseball,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: now about it for the New York Knights. Matt Chapman.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: So Matt Chapman, big money veteran third Basement was caught
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: on candid camera spitting mad at teammate Casey Schmidt following
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: a defensive booboo at a recent Giants game in San Diego.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: The moment where Chapman field of the ball tossed. It
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: was a high throw to Schmidt, but certainly a big
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: league first baseman you'd think would make that play. And yeah,
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: didn't make it blindsided, that's it. So Schmidt dropped what
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: appeared to be a routine throat, a little high, but
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: routine for a big league player across the diamond. Now,
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: lip readers, and you don't really have to be a
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: lip reader, even blind Sophie and Inca Terror and all
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: the other legend Stevie Meatballs, all the blind listeners, they
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: all saw this. They all saw this. Chapman said, catch
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: the effing ball right there. Boom, body blow, body blow.
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: All right.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: So the question did Giants third baseman Matt Chapman cross
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: the line going after on the field his teammate first
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: baseman Casey Schmidt in a recent game, again in the
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: middle of the game. So on this one we went
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: to replay and assist and expedited booth review, and after
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: that expedited booth review inbounds not out of bounds. He
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: didn't cross the line. It was inbounds. Now I get
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: that technically, on a technicality, this is a violation of
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: the unwritten sacred commandments of baseball decorum.
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: You're not supposed to show up your teammate. You're not
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: supposed to air out your dirty laundry like you're in
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: a laundromat on dollar Day.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: And to that, I say, stop. Spare me the primal
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: scream and the pearl clutching and all that. This was
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: wasn't malicious. It was a combustional it was it was
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: It was a It was a passion place, is what
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to say. Chapman wasn't whispering sweet nothings. He wasn't.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: He was dropping a verbal arm bar. He was dropping
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: the arm bar because the play was mangled like a
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: busted pignata at a kid's birthday party. And now the
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: finger pointing, of course, is at Tony Vaitello, the manager,
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: And what are you doing, dude? You know he's a
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: college guy, lack of control. Now, you know I don't
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: like the giants. I'm a Dodger apologist that said, I
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: think that is bull crap. That's gad zukeries what that
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: is to say, well, it's the manager. No, that is
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: a flimsy narrative cooked up by the hot take industrial complex.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: And here's the truth. That cat Casey Schmidt screwed up.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: He fed up. Bad job by him. You gotta make
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: that play period, hard stop. That was a natural human reaction.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter whether Bruce Bochie was the manager. They
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: brought back Roger Craig from the other side, that's it.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: They would have absolutely had the same reaction. Chapman lit
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: the fuse the mistake though, that was on Schmidt. That
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: was on Schmid. It is the Ben Maler Show. If
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: you'd like to be part you can join us right
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: now at line open eight seven seven ninety nine on Fox.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: That's eight seven seven nine nine six six three six
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: y nine. Also on ex at Ban Maller that's at
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Ben Maler. Later this hour we have Big Ben's Lame
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: Jokes of the Week that'll be coming up time now.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Though for the malor riddle of the day, and here
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: it is New York Metropolitans broadcaster Gary Kohne said, recently
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: the downtown saying Lewis look like blank again. Mets broadcaster
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: Gary Cohne said, recently, the downtown Saint Louis. The Mets
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: we're in Saint Louis said, downtown Saint Louis look like blank.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: That is the Maillard really love to day the answer.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: We'll get to it and we will do it next.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: Hey it's me Rob Parker.
• 20:31
  Speaker 6: Check out my weekly MLB podcast, Inside the Parker for
• 20:35
  Speaker 6: twenty two minutes of pipeing hot baseball talk, featuring the
• 20:39
  Speaker 6: biggest names of newsmakers in the sport. Whether you believe
• 20:42
  Speaker 6: in analytics or the I test, We've got all the
• 20:45
  Speaker 6: bases covered. New episodes drop every Thursday, So do your
• 20:50
  Speaker 6: sofa favor and listen to Inside the Parker with Rob
• 20:53
  Speaker 6: Parker on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Bill Miller and you It is the Then Malor Show.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: We know you have options, not great ones. We're glad
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: you've chosen to hang out with us and enjoy some
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: og radio fun. Every once in a while we go
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: out and hang out with the great Unwashed. To call
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: these things the Mallard Meet and greets. Haven't done one
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: in a while. That will change. Later this month, the
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Great Ohio Sojourn will take place. It is on a
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Saturday in the holy land of Andy Furman and Dick
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: and Dayton, and it will take place on April twenty fifth.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: It's a Saturday at a venue to be announced, so
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: keep listening. We'll announce the venue promoted it all over
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: the place. That'll be the Cincinnati area, Ohio Mallor Meet
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: and Greet. Be a lot of fun. And then we're
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: going to Boston. We'll be there in May at a
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: event on the eighth of May, and then the ninth
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: over in Worcester the WU Sox Game, a triple A
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: team of the Red Sox, so we'll be out there
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: for that. Check it out. Meantime, I want to be
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: on the show eight seven, seven ninety nine on Fox
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: on ex at Ben Mahller, the birthday girl Mary Mack,
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: who's so happy to be here. There's no she told me,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: she said, you know, I love yourself so much. Ben,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: There's nowhere I would rather be uh than not doing
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: your show. But she's here, Mary the Boardop. You can
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: find her married the Boardop. She is related to the
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: NBA legend Minute Bowl. And I think Mary's about the
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: size of Minute's ankle, I think, but I don't know.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: But she's she's hanging out with us. It's her birthday, Yeah,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: pretty close. Yeah. And at Cooper Loop at a Bronco fan.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: That's a Bronco fan. Your comments cannon will be used
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: against you in the court of the Mallard militia. So Mary,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I want to run this body. So I have always
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: had a theory doing the Overnight show that to me,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: the new day starts once you go to bed and
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: wake up, Like to me, it's not really your birthday
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: because you haven't gone to bed yet, you know what
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I mean.
• 23:03
  Speaker 7: I don't know.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: No, you think your day begins exactly at midnight, and
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: that's it.
• 23:08
  Speaker 7: I did that for all of my friends though, because
• 23:10
  Speaker 7: my friends live like in different time zones, so I
• 23:13
  Speaker 7: will time it to midnight their time. I'll either call
• 23:17
  Speaker 7: them or I'll send them like a super long paragraph
• 23:20
  Speaker 7: like a birthday.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Well, it's very sweet of you do that, Yeah, it is.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: And it's very nice thing to do. I genuinely will
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: like I think. For me, I have occasionally sent messages
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: at midnight, but I just like, well, when I go
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: to bed then, and I haven't been to bed yet,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: so to me, it's still April second, even though it's
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: technically April third, So.
• 23:42
  Speaker 7: I just like it. It depends. I don't know, it
• 23:44
  Speaker 7: depends on how you know. Yeah, I'm a night owl.
• 23:47
  Speaker 7: So for me, once it's midnight, it's like, okay, it's
• 23:50
  Speaker 7: my birthday.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I got it depends all right, Well, there
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: you go. That's our friend Mary mac super. Marcus Steeve says,
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: I believe we are still waiting for the drop from
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Colin Cowhard announcing that Ben Mahller is the leader in
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: the clubhouse. You know, if the dan Nets were faced
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: with the task, it would be done. I am getting reports, Steven.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: I'm sleeping obviously during the day, but I don't hear this.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Some of my colleagues do not know how to pronounce
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: my name, and I'm finding that a little troubling that
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: my name is being butchered when they have to announce
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: who's leading the bracket thing, and they're butchering my name.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: You know, I get it. You know, they don't know
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: who I am. I don't really know who they are.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: They're on during the day, they're overnights for me. But
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: you know, just try to figure the name thing out
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: a little bit, you know, do us a little bit
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: of you know, do a solid on that a little
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: bit time now though, for the mallor riddle of the day,
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: New York Mets broadcaster Gary Cohne said, downtown Saint Louis
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: looked like blank. All right, that is the question. What
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: is the answer, And let's see what do we have here?
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: A pig from Mike the Leprechaun, filler up fill one
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: with ant man JT. The Wingman, said Marcel in Brooklyn's closet.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: A giant McDonald's with its arch from Larry D. Who
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: else we have? Mark from Queens says Saint Louis. Downtown
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: Saint Louis look like a rack. What else do we have?
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: Look like?
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: A desert from Gunner in Minnesota. It looked like Jupiter's
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: moon from William a landfill guess by courtesy Flusher. Who
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: else do we have? Let's see page NW There you go.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Paully says he didn't answer the question, he says, thank
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: god it's Friday, although it's bittersweet because where will be
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: there will be no Bill Miller to listen to at work. Well,
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: then he says, what should I do? How about the
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Fifth Hour Podcast? Yeah, that's what you need. They'll take
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: you through an hour the Fifth Hour Podcast. What else?
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Do we have? A squatty potty this downtown, Sayles looks
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: like the squatty potty from Andy in lin Ol Lakes, Minnesota.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: What else do we have to see? Page nine? Look
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: like a Mallard meet and greet from Alf the alien
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: opiner who's addicted to Hey, we need an intervention. I'm
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: gonna have to talk to your wife. Alf, you need
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: an intervention? Dude on this Ai saff What do we got?
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Shiny slithering supersized shitsu salami side show from far out Dave?
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: What else? Oho? Texo said? Look like a third world country?
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: Babboons took us from? Jason Rod said, look like it
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: went boom. Look like a nice place to raise a
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: family from ferg Dog. That's his answer. I can't read
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: that on the air. All right, do you Mary Max,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: do you have an answer to the Mallard Riddle of
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: the Day. Gary cohen Metz broadcaster said, downtown Saint Louis
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: look like blank, my bedroom, your bedroom? All right? Is
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: that correct? No? That is not correct. You correct the answer.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: Mets broadcaster Gary Cohenes said, downtown Saint Louis look like
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: it was hit by a new tron bomb. There's nobody there.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: He said, where's everybody? Where did they all go? Where
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: did the people go? Yeah, let's go to the phones
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: and we'll say hello to uh let's say hello to
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Doc Mike from who knows where it used to be
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: in Chicago. He's all over the country. Hello that you
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: got the doc locked and load of Hello Doc.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I got in here at three o'clock yesterday afternoon
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: and I heard about Tiger's problems. Who better than Doc
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: Mike helped this guy?
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: You know, I was hoping you would call up Doc
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: because Tiger Woods definitely needs your help. And what advice
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: would you give, Doc Mike? What would you give to
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Tiger Woods? What kind of advice would you give him?
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: Well, first of all, we start with his endorph and
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: rage that this guy has a lot of people, a
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: lot of athletes go through this.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: And wind up.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Now, Doc just just for the record, he didn't look
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: like he had a lot of rage. He was falling
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: asleep while the cops were talking to.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: Well, that's alcohol and drugs, and that's what I do.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: I get people off of drugs. That's why I went
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: to jail twice because I was stopping the money train.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: And I've taken many people off of many medications.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Now, are you, Doc Mike, Tiger Tiger Woods is going
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: to some kind of rehab outside of the United States.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Are you willing? Are you willing to travel to try
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: to get a word with Tiger Woods.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: I'm more mobile than your mobile phone. You know that. Ecuador, Norway, England, Canada, Australia,
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: Puerto Rico.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: All right, well can you send out? Let's send us
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: out on the Fox Sports radio account, Tiger Woods Doc Mike.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: And do you need to get paid for this doc
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: or is this pro bono?
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: I haven't changed my donation rate since nineteen eighty nineteen ninety.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Eight, Okay, so it's just a small donation. So Tiger
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Woods Doc Mike is coming to the rescue here. And
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: what do you think pineapple fruit smoothie.
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: That's that's part of it. And there's a new one
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: out by Harmless. They've got a coconut smoothie. It's delicious
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: and perfect for withdrawal from any drug. Because you know
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: that's how addictions work. Excuse me, that's why there's two
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: sockets on your wall for your appliances. You'll unplug one
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: addiction and you plug in another.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Helpful.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: And where are you at? By the way, you didn't
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: You said you drove and you just oh, you're back
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: in Chicago. Okay, you're back in Chicago.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: Tonight at seven o'clock. She's leaving a foreign country. I
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: want to see your daughter in England, but I'm going
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: to see her before she leaves.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: All right, very good? All right, look at you, doc,
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: it's been a while. We haven't talked in a while.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: You're not a regular caller anymore.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: Doc, guy, Well I'm in sleeping Well you you're yet
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: and you.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Know I understand. But we're here for you if you
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: want to. You want to call up and yeap away
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: you want to take.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: A call, of course, But one second, Keith and Joliette
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: wants to go to Cincinnati and meet me there for
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: your gas bag.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Agg Are you are you going to drive down to Cincinnati?
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: We're gonna be there April twenty fifth.
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: We're gonna be pissed that far in a good wind. Yeah,
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: that's real.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: Well, you're more than welcome if you want to come
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: down and hang out with us. We're gonna be there.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: We don't have the venue yet. I'll let you know
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: about the venue, but you're more than welcome about venue.
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: Where it is.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't have one yet. We're gonna we're gonna
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: announce that. But the famous story about Doc Mike is
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: I did a the original Kansas City meet and greet,
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: which was what year was that? Doc? That was a
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: while back, a long time ago. Yeah, yeah, but Doc
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: showed up, drove down from Chicago, and Doc set up
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: his own table, signing autographs. Do you remember that, Doc? Yeah,
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: your T shirt, the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. Jeopardy Owl
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: was like, what is going on here? And I said,
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: that's Doc. You got the doc right there, and you
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: gave me your license plate. After that, I said, that's
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: the great Doc Mike right there. All right, all right,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I got I don't know if I have time, all right,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: we'll do a call. How about this doc. Let's say hello,
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: Levon Coop. Let's say Hello to Dorko, the comedian. Dorko,
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: you're on with Doc Mike. Hello Dorco and Hawaii.
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: Wow, I've got patients in Hawaii. Hello Dorko, what's your
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: medical question?
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: I don't hear. I don't hear. I don't hear. Dorko.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: You know he told me about what?
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's it's a uh, it's just it's early drinking. Okay,
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: he did get arrested. H Blind Sophie is next. Blind Sophie,
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: you're on with Doc Mike.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: Keith Mike, Dude, Ben, don't dude, don't let me, don't
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: let him take my time. This guy is a pizza prep.
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: He's like the Irish guy Bend. He's using you.
• 32:21
  Speaker 6: These people use you.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: Eddie Garcia used you.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: Eddie Garcia can never work in radio. He used you.
• 32:26
  Speaker 7: The guy does a podcast.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: So why are you so angry? Blind Sophie, I understand.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Why can't we get the night? You have like multiple personalites?
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Why can't we ever get the nice, Blind Sophie? Why
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: do we always next? All right? Poppy is in San Diego.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Hello Poppy, You're on with Doc Mike. Hello Poppy.
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: No, no, Ben Mallard.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: I need to have my own segment. This guy can't
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: take my time. You know better, Ben, how's come everyone's
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: doing here? Everyone's a diva. You're all divas. Every one
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: of you people are divas. All of you people divas.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: All right, nobody wants to talk to you, Doc, I
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: gotta go anyway, but I'll message. I'll let you know
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: when we find the venue, and you're more than welcome
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: to come down and hang out with us. Okay, you'd
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: be great to say here. All right, Well, there you go, Doc,
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Mike in Living Color in Cincinnati. That's great. I was
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: trying to find a I'm a hat guy. Since the
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: hair went away, I was gonna get like a WKRP hat.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I couldn't find one like that would fit my head.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: That's the greatest radio station of all time, and nobody
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: under the age of like fifty knows what that is. Anyway.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: It is the Bane Malor Show, Big Ben's Lame Jokes
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: all the Week, Big Ben's lame jokes of the Week.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: We'll get to that and we will do it next.
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Mallor
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: Bill Miller and you. It is the Bean Malor Show,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: and we want you to listen to this show on
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: your local radio station. However, every once in a while,
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: especially on the West Coast, games go late or if
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: an East Coast team's playing on the West Coast, and
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: sometimes we get covered up by postgame propaganda. You want
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: to hear the show, so listen to the show on
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app as a backup. Ii Leen in San
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Francisco supermarket Steve among others that have said, hey listen,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: I got to hear the show, and sometimes you get
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: covered up, so they go to the iHeartRadio app Fox
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: Sports Radio channel for the live broadcast. Never covered up
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: on iHeart Fox Sports Radio channel. Have that iHeart app
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: on whatever device you're using. And not only that, but
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: you can hear the Ben Maler Show podcast, the Fifth
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Hour podcast. New episode will be dropping later today. Check
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: it all out right there, amazing on the iHeartRadio app.
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: Knock Knock, who's there?
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: Blame We blame we too. It's Big Ben's lame joke
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: of the week and way we go, here we go,
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: Let's do it here Big Ben's lame Jokes a week.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: These are actual jokes by actual listeners, and is my
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: my colleague weed Man, hippie? Is he here? My guy
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: in Miami? My unpaid correspondent? Hello, weed Man chuckles? What's
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: going on? I? Have you recovered from being covered up
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: by Eddie the other day? Have you gotten over.
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: That by I was terrible?
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: All we'll be back to normal next week. I don't
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: have anyone's schedule to come in next week. Here we go. Now,
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: we got a bunch of Tiger Woods jokes, so let's
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: have some fun. What do you say, right, nobody died,
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: We're allowed to do Tiger Woods jokes. Here we go.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: All right, these are actual jokes by actual listeners, guaranteed
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: humans send into the show. What do uh? Let's see
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: what do Dak Prescott and Tiger Woods have in common?
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: What they can't finish drives? Why did tyger Woods this
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: some frank in parts unknown? Why did Tiger Woods get
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: arrested for dui? Why he couldn't find his driver? He
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: couldn't find it? A joke? Yeah, yes, cool. Let's see here.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: What's tiger Wood's new pre round warm up?
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: What? Well?
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: He does a quick rollover in the driveway and then
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: he's he's good to go on that you got Tiger
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: Woods any Tiger Woods jokes, Coop anything over there? No,
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's all right. What's the difference between
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: a lion and a tiger? What? Well, a lion can't
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: get a d UI, but a tiger shirt can. That's
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: Eke in Roseville, Minnesota. And uh, let's see it. Well,
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Ben says here George and Rochester, Minnesota says Ben was
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: bragging about bragging to the crew about Moxie, his dog
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: had had learned some some new tricks. Well, it turns
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: out Justin Cooper said, big deal, I know a tiger
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: that can roll over. So there you go. That's George
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: in Rochester, Minnesota. Thank you that laugh insert laugh track here.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Hey weed man, why was Tiger Woods crouching down on
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: the side of the road with his putter? Why well,
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: he was trying to read which way his truck was
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: going to roll. He was trying to I was from Fargo, Fargo.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: Pete sent that one in from North Dakota. Big Ben's
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: lame jokes the week. What's the difference between tiger between
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: weed man and Tiger Woods? What, Well, weed man can
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: drive over three hundred and fifty yards when he's high.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: So there is that. And this person did not send
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: their name in so we'll just anonymous. We'll call them.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: What's tiger Woods new range rovers slogan after this accident?
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: What range rover built for the rope over there? You
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: go all right, and now you on? Those are okay?
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: Those are like sea level jokes for Tiger. We can
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: do better. We can do better. What was in weed
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: Man's easter basket? What a chocolate bunny and lots and
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: lots of grass. That's from Dennis in Detroit. Why did
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: weed Man cancel his late season ski trip to Denver? Why? Well,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: you figured, what's the point? I'm already a mile high
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: here in Miami.
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: Why am I going to Denver?
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: How do you know weed Man is lazy? How the
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: malor cow is working harder bringing home money than weed Man.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: That's Noah in Austin, No Cowboy Drew. There's a Mallard cow.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: And there's a cow named Mallard in I believe in Minnesota,
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: and it's producing eight and a half gallons of delicious
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: milk every day, every day. Did you hear that? Weed
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: Man hippie applied for a job as a search and
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: rescue ranger.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: Really, yeah he heard they they're always looking for someone.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: That's George and Uvaldi. There we sent that one. Did
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: you hear that weed man hippie wants He once ran
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: one hundred miles just to buy some weed. Wow? Really,
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: now that story sounds too far fetched to be true.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: So now that's how George and Gibaldi there. Why why
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: was weed Man not able to use his lawnmower? Why well,
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: he always left the grass too high. That's Mike the leprecaun.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: What did what did the cow? What did the cow
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: name weed Man say to the other cow? What the
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: grass is always greener on the other side?
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: And there you go?
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: All right, now we got one more. All right? Why
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: did weed man struggle at school? Why well, his teachers
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: had high expectations for him. High expect amazing job, weed Man.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: Get some sleep, you, saund a little tired today, so
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: get a little rest there, weed Man hit me. Lame
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: jokes of the Week