Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / Experimenting with Heterosexuality | Adrienne Fish | Stand Up Comedy 😁🤣🤣🤣

Transcript

Experimenting with Heterosexuality | Adrienne Fish | Stand Up Comedy 😁🤣🤣🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: What's up friends?
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: You guys good?
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: You guys sound fantastic.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: This is great.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: I am doing it.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: This is so sweet.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: We're a castle.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like, this is uh stand-up is dope.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: It is it is my full-time job.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: It is my full-time ding dong.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and I love it.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um it is tough.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's tough uh because I'm my own boss, and let me tell you guys I'll run a pretty loose ship.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I'm like, okay, I should work on my set.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: I got a really big show tonight.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm like, ah, but I love mushrooms, you know.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, how do you combine them?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you do.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's a little weird for me right now.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, stop looking at me! No.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I have I know I have a lot of distractions in my life as well.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: I just moved into a new pad uh and I got a shower with a detachable shower hand.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: Ladies! God damn.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: I love, I love popping one off uh with the water pressure from a shower.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's so nice, it's so nice, isn't it?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Ah you can't you can't do it often.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: You can't do it a lot, um, because it's uh it's a lot of water.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um I have this moment, I kind of feel like it's everything that's wrong with the Western world in like one moment.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: It like zooms in on like the disparity, you know?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, how much clean drinking water do we have?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we have like I'm doing good though.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: We're in a lunge.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: I uh I have been an out and proud lesbian uh for the past Thanks.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Mom.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh for the past one I'm a lesbian, I don't I don't work construction.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I lick that puss.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, I have been, I have been an out and proud lesbian for the past 25 years.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was counting, I was like, it's been 25 years.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh shit.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um but uh thanks.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Uh ready for this plot twist?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Casaloma?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: One guy?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Good, great.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: I recently started dating men.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's the general reaction I often get.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: People don't like it.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: People do not like it.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: They're like and I don't know, I don't know what happened.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't I well I do.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: I um I went to a conversion therapy camp.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: No, I it's crazy.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sucking two dick's day now, mom no.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: But how can they tell?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: How can they tell when you've like graduated camp?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: Are they like, do they hold a sports prop?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, sports bra and underwire.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, sports bra, like get back to camp.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: How do they know?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: And people don't like it.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: People do not like it.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I was I was young when I came out.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: I was I was 17.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: I was 16 uh when I realized I was gay.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I saw Ross kiss Rachel on Friends.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: And my first thought was like, oh my god, Ross is so lucky.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh, that's gay.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um I've been a licky puss ever since.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: But um at 17 is when I came out, and I was ner I was nervous.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I was I was young and I was like carefully telling my friends.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I'm a lesbian.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a lesbian.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: And like no one gave a shit.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: No one cared.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, yeah, that's cool.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, love is love, be yourself, like people are stoked.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: I tell people now, like, I don't know, like I might be into men.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, oh the fuck you are.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like no one likes it.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: No one likes it, and I get it, like I get it.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like I am pro I am praying, I am praying this is a phase, and I I grow out of this dumb bullshit.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because the conversations I have with dudes, like, god damn, there are some dumb motherfuckers out there.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's insane.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's insane.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how you're doing it, ladies.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, like when I when I have when I go on a date with a dude, I always like to let them know.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, just so you know, I I you know, I've always I've always dated women, that's my preference, but I'm just kind of like exploring men.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: And guys are like, okay.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm the chosen dick.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like, nah, man.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: You're not the chosen dick.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't need your dick.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: I I have my own dick, right?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: I have my own dick.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's a strap on.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Seven and a half inches.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Nice girth, feels good.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: No, I'm talking about brother.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: Chubbs.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: But guys are like, nah, it's not the same thing.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: And you're all kind of thinking it.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I can feel you kind of, it's not same, not the same thing as a real lea.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it's true, it's true, it's true.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's not, it's not the same thing as a real lea.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: But here is the difference, the very real difference between my dick and your dick, sir.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: And your dick and your dick and all your dicks, okay?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Whip them out.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: No, okay.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um that's how you do it.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so um your dicks.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: I also did this joke at an old age home.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, it's a different story, but okay, here we go.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Your dicks ejaculate.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: And that shit, it's fucking gross, man.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's gross.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm new to the game.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what are we what are we doing here, ladies?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: What are we doing?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's cra it's crazy.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's crazy.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: There is birth control.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: How is there not jizz control?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: How is that, how is that not a thing where it's like a sparkles or like uh confetti or like I glitter.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, what if what if it whistled?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how this would like work.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: But if it was like he like two different sizes, like he not circumcised?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Or a song.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, okay.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: What if a song came out?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like what uh what if a guy's like, oh my god, I'm gonna come, and it's like gone on a lead, and I was like, ah okay, I was uh taking on the lean.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um I was uh I I was fucking this dude, um, or he was fucking me.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Things were going in and out.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, and um I think that's how it works.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: And uh okay, and he jizzed on me, which like I get it, like it's the finale and it's fair gay.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: I I did the thing, you know the thing that you're supposed to do, ladies, where we go, ha ha ha, you know the thing, right?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Where you're like, ha ha, and the guy's like, yeah, and you're like, ha ha y me yah me tame.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I did it.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: I and I sold I sold the performance.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, ah, okay, but but then okay, and stop me if I'm wrong here, but then okay, he's he started rubbing it around, right?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm like his own little like toaster strudel.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, ah, even and then he started putting paper towel on me.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, is this paper mache?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what the fuck?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: What are we doing here, boss?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: It was around the time, it was actually started COVID.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's when I uh that's when I started dating men.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um which everyone's got these theories about like COVID, what it was, where we uh what our government I know, I think I think the government was trying to make us all straight.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you, I wasn't sucking dick till I got the second vax, you tell me.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: You tell me if I saw.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: I know, world's gonna shit.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: Might as well suck a dick.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: No, I I don't think the world's gonna shit.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like I don't like having that uh attitude.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I think politics are insane right now.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Politics are insane.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: And and my dad wants me to get into politics.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: He uh he wants me to be the mayor of Toronto.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um legit, legit.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, sweet.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, dick.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: This is our first meeting.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Uh is it a meeting?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: And another thing, dicks.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's amazing.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: He he legit texts me all the time.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, you should be the mayor.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's because he saw, you know, the um Ukrainian president, Zelensky?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he used to be a comedian.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: So now my dad is like, he's like, this is it, pivot.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's it's a testament to my dad.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: My dad's a beautiful man.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: I I got a dope dad um because he believes in me, and and I've given him uh no reason uh to believe that I should be the mayor in any capacity.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um I gave him a tough go.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: It was not easy being my my my dad.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: I had a cocaine addiction at 18, which landed me on the streets for like a hot minute.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: I slammed a U-Haul into a liquor store.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't afford the damages, so I had to flee the city.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: I was living out east in Halifax.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: I fleeed the city, I moved back to Toronto, I started a career in stand-up, and my dad's like, yeah, you're the mayor, 110%.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: That's my daddy.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: I know, I I you know, I I I know that I've had, you know, I've done some things in my life uh that, you know, drugs and all that shit.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I don't I've I but I don't I don't regret even addictions, even where it's where it took me, and you know, I don't regret any of it because I think that's life.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's what this beauty is all about, this beautiful life that we're living, you know.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I've heard that um I read somewhere recently that in 4.7 billion years the sun is gonna evaporate the earth.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, none of it, none of it, none of this matters.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: None not in a way that's like none of it matters, but like, cut the camera! But I don't none of none of it matters.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: None of this is all for play.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: This is just for play, you know.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's Friday night.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Get out there, jizz on someone, rub it all over.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Free Palestine, I've been eating your fish, peace of love.