Latest / Behind The Village Podcast / Indigenous Identity, Drag, and Mental Health | Rodaysha Red Ashes

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Indigenous Identity, Drag, and Mental Health | Rodaysha Red Ashes · Behind The Village Podcast

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You're listening to the Behind the Village Podcast,
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where we invite you to join us on a journey to
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understand how to live a life worth living. Our
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guest today is Rhodacia Redashes, a local drag
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queen who takes the stage by storm every time
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they perform. We first saw Rhodacia in the Queer
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Cabaret hosted by Mariposa Arts Theatre during
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Pride Month. We were just in awe and knew that
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if we ever had the chance, we would need to bring
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them on the podcast. when I was like I feel like
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I was like really young cuz like you see like
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drag like portrayed in like so many things but
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like Like like like mrs. Doubtfire all that kind
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of stuff like you see drag everywhere But then
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there's like some drag where it's like this is
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okay for everyone to watch and then there's some
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drivers Well, like you can't watch that, you
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know what I mean or like they're poking fun or
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whatever. Yeah And like I remember watching that
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but then always being like man, you know, I can't
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do that though cuz like I'm not a man doing woman
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drag, like I guess it's not for me. So I always
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was like, that's really fun and cool. I love
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performance. I love theater. I love art. So and
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I loved dancing too. So like I always was like,
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that's so fun. That's so cool. Like that must
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be so awesome. I wish I could do that. And then
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I think it was like either 2018 or like 2019.
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So when I was like 18 or 19. And I found on Instagram
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the little tiny circle of alternative performers
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in Toronto. Cool. So it was like kings, things,
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queens, but who were biological femme. And it
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was just really cool to be like, oh, wait, I
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can do this? Wait, there is space for me here,
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too. from then it was just kind of like oh my
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god like how do I how do I even like I would
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love to do this but how do I even how do I even
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get into it and I was working I was 22 and I
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was working at Home Depot nice and I remember
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just like mentioning it I just mentioned it to
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someone and I was working in the paint department
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and I mentioned it to this girl that I was working
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with and she literally turned to me and was like
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I I know a drag queen I know them like I know
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some they perform in Muskoka and I went I was
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like, are you serious? And then I was like, well,
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listen, I was like, you know, if you're okay
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with it, like maybe put me in contact. I'd love
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to like figure out like how I could figure out
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to like be a part of this, do it or whatever.
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I was always like really, really shy. So like,
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there was like half of the people who knew me
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who were like, what the hell, what are you doing?
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But also half the people who were all like, this
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makes sense. And yeah, I messaged the person.
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they told me they had like an open stage kind
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of thing. And they were like, yeah, you know,
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I'll talk to the, you know, drag mom and we'll
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get you in. And then I was, they said that, yep,
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you got like two songs or choose two songs or
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something or one song. I can't even remember
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what it was. And it was like, and then I literally
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was like, oh my God, this is crazy. So I bought
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wigs. I found some like old dancey stuff from
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my like room. Um, I just like put outfits together
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and like my first outfit was like What I what
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I said when I made it it was like, um, if it
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was like a punk rock barbie Yeah had like this
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corset that I bedazzled with like pink and black
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gems and stuff like that and I had like this
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like Pink mini skirt that had ribs and like it
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was just so fun I just I had like the most fun
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and I just went out there and Like I think it
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was my first night or something or like maybe
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it was my second show actually and someone compared
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me to Gottmik and they also were very surprised
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that it was my second or first performance like
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they all were like wait we thought you were doing
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this for a year at least and I was like no this
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is but yeah it's kind of crazy like all the events
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that like led to me getting this opportunity
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is so funny because like yeah I worked at Home
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Depot and I just like I'm a yapper. I love to
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talk. So I was just talking about stuff that
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I would like hope to be able to do. Lately, the
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idea of speaking things into existence keeps
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coming up. Most people realizing their dreams
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are those brave enough to put it out to the universe.
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I wanted to know if performing has always been
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part of Rodacia's life or if it was something
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they threw themselves into later as an adult.
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I did do dance as a kid. My mom put me in dance.
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I did ballet, tap, and jazz for four, three years.
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I don't even remember how many years, but I did
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it and I loved it so much. I was actually like
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a really shy kid. Like even in dance, like I
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was like so nervous and shy and throughout like
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whole high school and all that stuff, like people,
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you know, I was like the goth kid that's like
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quiet and shy in the corner. And so I think I'm
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really surprised like a lot of people when I
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actually like did this because I've always wanted
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to and like when I did dance it was so fun and
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I was like oh my god maybe but I was always so
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nervous like I have like anxiety and I have lots
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of other mental health struggles as well that
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I like to like just kind of like embrace in my
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performing but like I think that's what it was,
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was like little kid, undiagnosed, anxiety, ADHD,
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really anxious, and then like got medicated and
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was all like, whoa, confidence, hello. So, you
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know, yeah, like I don't know, it's crazy. I
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never even, like if my younger self could look
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at me right now and be like, I think they would
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be so surprised. for people like me who feel
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like I could never, where do they pull that confidence
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from? It's a lot of delusion. Like, I always
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kind of actually love to hear when people are
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like, you're so confident, you look so confident.
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Because when I'm out there in front of everyone,
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I'm... I'm pooping my pants like I am so like
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I try I don't know and again maybe I'm gonna
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call myself out if anyone ever sees and I like
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make eye contact I will immediately move my eyes
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because I am so scared like it makes me so nervous
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I'm like oh they're actually looking at me oh
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my god um but like I don't know like I guess
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it's because I did do like dance and getting
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used to being on a stage and having people stare
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at you, at least. You know, my dance teachers
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always told me that it's kind of like, well,
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you can't really see their faces in the crowd,
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you know, because all the lights and everything
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like that, but then like drag, you're like right
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up in people's business. So I, I just have learned
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to be like, you know, whatever happens, happens.
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You're doing this for a reason. And you know
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what? At the end of the day, it's like if you
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fall, you make someone laugh, whatever, if it
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doesn't land the way you wanted to, like, It
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happens. You can't change it. But I just I yeah,
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delusion. I'm going to say like delusion. Honestly,
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I just like look right here on people right in
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between their eyes. And I'm like, I'm looking
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at your eyes, but I'm not. I'm not really nervous
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because it's too scary. Yeah, like, I don't know.
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I guess you just you just you never really like
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stop getting like nervous. You just get like
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able to like deal with it more. Like you get
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to like like like it's funny me and my drag mom
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we talked about it, too Like she's been doing
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it for way longer than I have and she a little
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girl like I still get you know a little like
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And then I get to the venue and I'm like, we're
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good. Yeah But I think it's just you know humans.
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We're just not like oh my god Okay, we are gonna
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go do a thing in front of a bunch of people but
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Yeah, the delusion that keeps us strong. Yeah,
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no, that's valid. And I think it's one of those
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things and, you know, the more I explore just
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artistry in general, but the idea of having to
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put yourself out there and whatever medium it
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is, is terrifying because it's coming from that
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vulnerable place, you know, and it's just like,
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oh, I don't know. But yeah, I think you're right
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at being just more practiced at working through
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those uncomfortable. Feelings where maybe most
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people as soon as they start to feel it shy away
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and then you don't get to explore that side of
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things, you know, so Yeah, you gotta just like
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like you feel that anxiety of like oh I'd actually
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just want to like run away But then you just
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fight it and you just don't and then you actually
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can I believe that anyone can do the thing you
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just again I just be like I can do this like
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just Lock in what is it the drag? brings to you
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and or why is it that it called to you so much?
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I love to perform and again it's so I also like
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I love politics I love um like talking about
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I love talking about injustices that's not really
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the right way I meant to say that I love injustices
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I love injustices no but I mean like I've always
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like I'm a like a you know like afab queer person
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that is like mixed indigenous and like I've always
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had like kind of like that point in life where
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it's like I'm not on the worst side of things
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I'm not on the great side of things but I can
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see it from both sides and like drag gives you
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a platform to talk about really serious things
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that some people won't. And I like to incorporate
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those kinds of things. Like, I'd still love to
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have the opportunity to do, like, a very political
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drag show. I've got a lot of funny numbers to
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do to poke a little bit of fun at some, you know,
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politicians. Some particular ones that everyone...
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Some particular ones, maybe. I don't know. And,
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like, I just think that it's, like, it's a great...
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Like, it's just such a... It's such a lovely
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community. Like, you can just, like... get your
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start, like drag gives you a start to do like
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anything. Like if I wanted to go farther into
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like theater, I can. If I wanted to do, like
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I've had opportunities to model, I've had opportunities
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to do little fashion shows like through drag.
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Like it's opened up so much more than just like,
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I'm a performer. Like it's really cool. It's
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cool to just like have this space and like, I
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don't know, I guess it is just a passion for
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like performing. I've always been like a very
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political person. And I just think that that's
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like the most important thing and probably what's
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like pushed me to like, because there's been
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times where I'm all like, I just want to quit.
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So bad. But then I don't because like my voice
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matters and like me being able to have a platform
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and like share those things that are like a little
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bit, you know, not talked about. I think it's
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important. In terms of their drag journey, how
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has Rodaisha come to be the version of who they
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are today? How do they incorporate elements of
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their indigenous culture into their art? I love
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weird. I love weird and creepy and odd. And like,
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again, it was like stuff where it was like Jimbo
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the drag clown, like putting that and I was all
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like, because I always thought of myself as being
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kind of clowny, but I didn't, you know, some
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people, some performers would consider that like.
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like an insult sometimes. But like I think that
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I am like a drag clown in like indigenous culture,
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like funny, like comedy, making jokes, laughter,
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like that's medicine. So like part of it was
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like my indigenous side where it's all like,
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I love to make people laugh. And I think that
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like, as much as like there's serious moments
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in my drag, there's also moments where it's like,
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we're allowed to laugh, we're not allowed to
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have fun because like, oh my God, life is a lot.
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But yeah, I don't know. I was like, I saw Gottmik
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and Gottmik is very like gorgeous clown. And
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I was like, I wanna be like a clown, dude. Like
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I wanna come out doing a somersault and like
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come out and admit, you know, like I wanna have
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fun and just make people laugh. And I also think
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that like the white face and like is so, so like
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creepy in such a good way. it's like yeah like
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i started out just kind of like you know doing
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like regular like drag makeup you know accentuating
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my features and it was kind of like i also saw
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some other local performers too that did like
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whiteface um and like local in toronto like and
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like i was like oh my god like i didn't Again
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like for so long even when I started doing drag
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like for so long It was all like this is how
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you do drag and not everyone knew all of like
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the little niches and cool little stuff all the
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time Because it's not always you know, push to
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the forefront like RuPaul's Drag Race, you know
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I just love being silly and it's definitely also
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like the visual aesthetic and also like a little
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bit of like Like I do also try to incorporate
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the indigenous side of myself in it as well too,
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but like a trickster is like something where
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it's all like, we just make people laugh. Like
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we just try to have fun. And they're like a spirit
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that's like, giggly little guy. And I think I'm
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a giggly little guy, so. What parts of your indigenous
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culture do you kind of pull inspiration from
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or pull into your drag? Like, so my name. Rodacia
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Red Ashes. Why I chose that name, I actually
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got given it the first part, like Rodacia, by
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my last drag mom. When I first started, I had
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a name and I was violently baked. Which I thought
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was so funny. And then I started to get sober
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and not really drink and do anything like that.
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So I was like, maybe I don't want to have my
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name. around that, which is funny. I love when
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people do a funny little name that's like that.
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But I was like, maybe like for my healing, I
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don't need that right now. So I wanted to get
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a new one. And I recently went to Winnipeg for
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like a little gathering that we had. And I talked
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to an elder and I got my spirit name and it's
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Phoenix. So Shukne Pines and it means firebird
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or fiery bird. And so I was like, oh, okay. And
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then so having that, and then my drag one was
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like, Rhodacia, because it's very regal, it's
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very royal, it's very beautiful, but then like
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red ashes, because you're a little phoenix rising
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from the ashes. And it's funny because like I
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chose that, but also like before I even got my
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spirit name, I chose Phoenix for myself. Cool.
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And then I talked to an elder and they were like,
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like they gave me this little smirk where they're
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all like, Yeah, I see it. I know. I know that
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that's your name. And it was just kind of like
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this moment where it was like me and creator,
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like we're like this, like we both just were
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like, OK. And so I use like, again, like it's
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it's mainly like politics a little bit where
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it's like I'm bringing like the artistry side,
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but I also do want to bring light to the injustices
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that are happening all across Canada and North
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America to indigenous people still to this day.
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So a lot of it is like I just try to like bring
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it like I will you know I'll wear earrings like
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beaded earrings that either I've gotten from
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like some friends or cousins or whatever or I've
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made or like I'll wear like my jacket has land
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back on the back and it usually just like starts
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like and I I beaded that and it starts like a
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conversation which I think is the most important
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thing like usually people be like wow I really
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like those earrings where did you get them and
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I can give them like either like whoever's Instagram
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it was so then I'm like helping that indigenous
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person or like again it starts a conversation
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of what does land back mean and then I can like
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tell them and so I just try to I just try to
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incorporate like honestly like knowledge and
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teaching with like, like letting people know
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that like, there's also indigenous people that
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like look like me and like we're everywhere.
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And you know, it's important to just like be
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kind and polite. And also it's fun to be educated
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on indigenous stuff. You live in the country
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where, you know, it's our land, man. Why not
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learn a little bit? and contributed to who they
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are outside of drag. It's definitely helped me
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grow as a person. It's helped me face things
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that I don't think a lot of other people would
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face and then sit and reflect. I go to therapy
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because I need it, I love it, it's good. But
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having the space to be physically expressive
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and then you go and you talk. It's just like
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made me have more confidence in like my everyday
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life. And like I do, you know, feel better about
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myself. I was like really mean to myself for
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like so long and I'm still, I'm still working
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on it. I'm not the best. You know, we all have
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our problems, but like drag has definitely like
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helped me be like. I can look in the mirror and
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be like, I love myself. I do love myself. You're
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a cool person. You do the cool stuff. You're
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really talented. That's cool. And I could never
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do that before. Even saying that I would laugh
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and be like, just kidding. But it's like, no,
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I am that person. And drag has definitely helped
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me be like, again, it started with delusion,
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but you fake it till you make it. And now I'm
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just like, no, I am that person. Yeah, I am that
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bitch. Again, pardon my language. I am that person
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like that is me and like I don't have to Like
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there's still sometimes we're like if I try to
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like give myself a compliment I'll be like, oh,
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maybe I sound too cocky But then like people
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feel like no you are that person like you are
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that like that's you so Yeah, that's huge. That's
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major When I started drag I was 22 and I was
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like using a bit of substances and like drinking
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like way too much And that's definitely what
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helped me get my confidence to like get on the
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stage which you know but like I I very like quickly
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was like oh man like this This is not good, and
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I don't want you to get into like a pattern of
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like this being something that you need, something
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that you're relying on. My family has like lots
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of like past addiction issues and I love my mom
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so much. She's like the sweetest lady and I just
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could not do that to her. I was like, I was like,
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oh, I'm going down a path where I feel like my
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mom is already very worried and maybe I need
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to like, so I immediately was like, okay, like
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with drag, it did help me be like, oh, maybe
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this is like not okay. My drag mom doesn't drink.
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She doesn't drink when she performs. She doesn't
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do any of that stuff. Like she'll go have her
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cigarette, but that's it, you know? Like she
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does not drink. And it was kind of like me looking
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up to her and being like, oh, I don't need this
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to do it because she doesn't need to do it. So
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I probably don't need that also. So then I kind
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of was like, okay. I don't want to do this. It's
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making me feel not good. And you know, like it
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was, it was getting chaotic too. We're like,
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I'd be really stressed out while I'm getting
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ready. Like I'm, I'm new and I'm trying to get
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ready. And I'm also like using and like, it was
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just so many layers of like, don't do that. And
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so I got sober. I stopped drinking and I stopped
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using and I... Went to NA and I did meetings
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every week for about a year and I got all my
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tags And yeah, I was I was three years sober
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up until this September I had a little bit of
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a relapse with alcohol, but you know, I'm happy
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it's not the other stuff But drag has just been
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it's like it helped me get like sober and like
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know that I don't need those things Um, I had,
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you know, having a little slip right now, but
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like in recovery, like it's just kind of like,
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Hey, you know what? Today's today, just deal
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with it and like we move forward. Let's just
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try and be better tomorrow. Um, like I think
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that's why like mental health and stuff is so
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important to like talk about with like drag and
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like all that stuff. Cause like people, there's
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a lot of like, um, Like usage of like substances
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in performing in general nightlife all that kind
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of stuff Like it's just it happens and like it's
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really easy I think as queer people especially
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to like get down those roads because we already
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go through so much and You know, it is like a
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little bit of a release but it's important to
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have like there's like like champagne topper
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So that's my drag mom and like King Freddy and
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Sandy Joint, these are sober kings and queens
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that have inspired me to be like, oh my God,
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no, it's hard. It's hard to do, but honestly,
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it's worth it. They're fantastic performers.
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It's important. It helps you, again, loving yourself,
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and it's like you want to take care of yourself.
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So drinking all the time and doing all that stuff
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is like... It's not taking care of yourself.
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This is how I make money. I need this body to
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make money. If I can't get up for a gig or something,
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then it's like I lost out on money and that kind
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of sucks. But also experience and connection
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and I don't want to forget. With their journey
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through sobriety and life outside of drag, does
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it matter who you surround yourself with? It
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does matter, you know? It's like people, places,
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and things. So like, you gotta change where you're
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hanging around, who you're hanging around, and
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where you're going. And so like, if you're gonna
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hang around people that are gonna be doing all
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the bad stuff, it's like, listen, it's really
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hard to stop doing that around that unless you've
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got a couple years under your belt. So it's kinda
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like, you gotta change that. It was kind of like
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shifting from like my little other friend group
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or whatever group I had into like hanging out
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with like my drag friends and like people who
22:27
like really care about you and actually are like,
22:29
hey, we want you to like be OK and do good. Like,
22:33
you know, like it's like it's something that
22:34
I think everyone deserves to feel is loved and
22:38
accepted and and like cared for, you know, like
22:41
all that good stuff. So the people who are your
22:44
people will hang around you and they will want.
22:49
to hang around you and they will, you know, call
22:52
you on your bullshit and like help you through
22:54
that, though. Like they're not just going to
22:56
be like mean and rude. And it's like something
22:58
that is like it's really hard to get into your
23:00
head. Like lots of people, I think, still struggle
23:03
with that. But it's kind of like you will find
23:05
your people. You just have to be like authentically
23:08
yourself and they're there. And like it does
23:12
suck to lose people that like you thought. you
23:15
know, were your friends or like thought really
23:16
cared about you. But at the end of the day, it's
23:19
like that's a loss that like had a positive ending
23:22
though, right? Like it sucked and it hurt, but
23:24
it's not going to hurt forever. And then on the
23:27
other side, there's like all this like beautiful,
23:29
lovely stuff that you just have to wait. So how
23:34
could someone get started on their own drag journey?
23:37
Where would you even begin? For like the drag
23:41
babies out there, you just The most important
23:44
thing is going and supporting your community.
23:48
If you want to be a part of the drag community,
23:51
you have to go to shows and you have to support
23:54
the queens that are there. Open stages are a
24:00
fantastic way for brand new performers to get
24:02
their feet in the little performing pool. And
24:07
also just like, you know, like this is gonna
24:09
sound so funny because I feel like I've acted
24:11
so like not humble, but it's like like staying
24:13
humble and just like knowing that like. You know,
24:16
like the people who see that you can do this
24:18
and see the fire, you know, like they'll see
24:21
it and they will take you under their wing. But
24:24
if you're going to like come in and like bulldoze.
24:27
like you're gonna upset like a lot of people
24:29
because like drag is like this is a community
24:31
that's been around for years and years and years
24:33
like it's definitely evolved and it's changed
24:36
but like there's there's etiquette you know there's
24:38
drag etiquette that you know it's just polite
24:40
to follow because like you know our like queer
24:43
elders you know people who have been here before
24:45
us and have actually like paved the way so we
24:47
can have these kinds of performances where like
24:50
used to not be able to do this like you could
24:52
not walk down the street in drag people would
24:55
like you know either hurt you or like you get
24:58
scared or you know all that kind of stuff and
25:00
like Like we don't have that anymore like I'll
25:02
be honest like there's some times where like
25:03
I have definitely gotten a slur or two thrown
25:06
out at me But like I'm I'm not in any danger
25:09
That's like that. So I just think that it's like
25:12
it's important to respect the people who paved
25:14
the way Go show support to your local Queens
25:18
Kings and things and you know what ask questions
25:22
if you see a performer and you're like, I really
25:24
like that. And I would just go up to them and
25:26
be like, hey, you know, I don't want to step
25:28
on any toes. But like, how do you get into like,
25:31
just if you just talk to us, like, honestly,
25:32
a lot of the time, like we're a lot of us are
25:35
happy to just help people out. Some of us are
25:37
not. But, you know, like you just you learn it
25:41
quick. And it's just all about like. you know,
25:43
even if with one place you go somewhere and you
25:46
don't get another gig or you don't get asked
25:48
back, like, just roll with the punches, just
25:50
try again, you know? If you're meant to do it,
25:53
you're meant to do it, it'll find you, but just
25:56
all about, like, just like, just embroider, like,
25:58
don't, I also find because of RuPaul's drug race,
26:00
everyone tries to shoot for 10 right at the,
26:03
right at the gate. And it, it never comes out
26:06
like that. So it's okay, you don't need to do
26:09
the bucking, you don't need to do the kicking,
26:12
you don't need to fricking wager. Like most important
26:16
thing is like if you're gonna get up on that
26:18
stage, know your lyrics. My lord, know your words.
26:24
Because okay, you can dance whatever. If I see
26:27
you not lip syncing. That's a problem Because
26:32
yeah, like I you know, you got to have a healthy
26:34
balance like there's a little drag trick to like
26:38
To be lip -syncing and not know your lyrics So
26:42
you're doing a lot more if you're like, oh, I
26:44
don't want people to know but it's like all the
26:48
other drag performers in the room are all like
26:50
Yeah, it's just it's about just like, you know
26:55
getting your tone in the community don't rush
26:58
Just have fun. You don't have to be perfect right
27:02
at the start, you know? Learn your lyrics and
27:04
like be confident. And those are like the two
27:06
things that you need to like go in. And then,
27:10
you know, the look, the makeup, the hair, the
27:12
outfits, it'll all follow. But the main thing
27:15
is like getting that like confidence and like
27:19
owning the stage. I've always been in awe of
27:26
drag performers of all kinds. It's so exciting
27:29
to see the talent that we have here in our local
27:32
area. So go out, support our local drag artists,
27:35
go see their shows. It's so much fun, and I can't
27:39
wait to see more of them. Thank you for listening
27:42
to the entire episode. All the links and info
27:44
you heard in this conversation will be featured
27:46
in the show notes on our website. If you'd like
27:49
to know more about anything we mentioned in this
27:50
episode, make sure to check villagermagazine
27:52
.ca slash podcast. If you enjoyed this episode,
27:57
please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify
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or wherever you're listening from. If you'd like
28:01
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28:06
so you never miss an episode. Thanks again and
28:09
I'll see you next time.