Latest / Something to Say / Ep 06: "Waiting Isn't Wasted" with Vaidehi Patel

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Ep 06: "Waiting Isn't Wasted" with Vaidehi Patel · Something to Say

• 0:25
  Curry Badshah: Welcome everyone to Something to Say with me, Curry Badshah, AKA Amrutha.
• 0:30
  Curry Badshah: I am so excited for today's topic because it's been something that I've been wanting to talk about for the longest time.
• 0:36
  Curry Badshah: And today my guest and I have something to say about, drum roll, mourning the life you thought you'd have by now.
• 0:49
  Curry Badshah: My guest today is Vaidehi.
• 0:51
  Curry Badshah: Hey, Vaidehi.
• 0:51
  Curry Badshah: Tell everyone more about you, how we know each other, and anything else you have to plug
• 0:58
  Vaidehi: Hi, everyone.
• 0:59
  Vaidehi: I'm so excited to join you, Amrutha.
• 1:01
  Vaidehi: We met about a year ago, a little over a year
• 1:03
  Curry Badshah: We did
• 1:04
  Vaidehi: both were on the same podcast network with our own shows.
• 1:07
  Vaidehi: We ended up doing a crossover last
• 1:09
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, that was so fun
• 1:12
  Vaidehi: I'm also in the content space as just a creative.
• 1:17
  Vaidehi: I don't like to call myself an influencer or anything like that, but I just post what I want to post about, and I think, Amrutha, you and I kinda share similar aspects of we're just living in the space, being two single girls in somewhat of our 30s, living it up
• 1:31
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, exactly.
• 1:32
  Curry Badshah: That is exactly the same thing here.
• 1:35
  Curry Badshah: And my favorite thing about talking with Vaidehi is the fact that we are, like, we- we're essentially living parallel lives, just in different places.
• 1:44
  Curry Badshah: And, you know, both single, in our mid-30s, two Brown girls, and we were brought together, like you said, by another podcast network.
• 1:52
  Curry Badshah: And then I went off to come here and do my own thing.
• 1:55
  Curry Badshah: But I remember hearing your episodes and then thinking"Yeah, no, exactly the same." And not to almost I don't know, beat a dead horse kind of thing, but I had such a...
• 2:06
  Curry Badshah: I was such a fan of your episode last year, and we talked about it, where It was, like, a letter to, to the, all the couples out there from a single person and how we live in a doubled-up world.
• 2:18
  Curry Badshah: But, you know, us single people we have a different level of worth, and meaning, and some of these things that maybe you don't intend to be offensive can sometimes come off and rub us the wrong way.
• 2:29
  Curry Badshah: So that's why I wanted to chat with you about this topic of being single.
• 2:33
  Curry Badshah: It's not that we want to be single.
• 2:34
  Curry Badshah: And out there, if you want to be single and don't want a man interrupting your life or a woman, whoever that's totally fine.
• 2:40
  Curry Badshah: I 100% respect that.
• 2:41
  Curry Badshah: But I would like to be with someone, be married one day, have children one day.
• 2:48
  Curry Badshah: I do want that, and I definitely thought I'd have it by now.
• 2:50
  Curry Badshah: 35 years old, 100% thought I would have it by now, and not having it does suck.
• 2:56
  Curry Badshah: It, there's a level of grief those little moments that you really want to have with someone.
• 3:04
  Curry Badshah: I remember the other day, I was like,"Who can I call and talk about my day to?" And I know I have my friends, but, Vaidehi, tell us about have you had any of those recent moments, like, where you're like,"You know what?
• 3:15
  Curry Badshah: I really am thinking about what it feels like to be single today"?
• 3:20
  Vaidehi: I think it comes in waves.
• 3:21
  Vaidehi: I think there are so many times when you feel like I'm doing great.
• 3:25
  Vaidehi: I think my friend said it best a couple weeks ago to me, and she said,"All of my friends,"'cause we're around the same age, in our mid-30s, single, still haven't, waiting out find our perfect partner for us.
• 3:38
  Curry Badshah: Mm-hmm.
• 3:39
  Vaidehi: 'cause a lot of us don't want to compromise.
• 3:41
  Vaidehi: We live in this world where we get to...
• 3:42
  Vaidehi: We know what we want.
• 3:44
  Vaidehi: We're g- not gonna settle until we get it.
• 3:46
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 3:46
  Vaidehi: she said it great and said"All my friends are doing fine, but I don't think they're entirely okay." They're doing just fine to do their day-to-day stuff,
• 3:57
  Curry Badshah: Okay
• 3:57
  Vaidehi: internally, there's a lot of grief that they're processing.
• 4:01
  Vaidehi: N- with a partner comes maybe potential of children, and women in this mid-30s is also...
• 4:07
  Vaidehi: I don't think our biological clock is ending.
• 4:09
  Vaidehi: I think there's lots of studies that say that, maybe more and more women can have children late into their 30s and 40s, and
• 4:16
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 4:17
  Vaidehi: it.
• 4:17
  Vaidehi: So it's not necessarily...
• 4:18
  Vaidehi: I don't feel the pressure of that myself anymore because I also believe in destiny, and it's if it's...
• 4:23
  Vaidehi: if I'm meant to
• 4:24
  Curry Badshah: Meant to be
• 4:24
  Vaidehi: if I'm meant to have this family, if I'm meant to have, this, everything happen for me and be a mother, then it'll happen.
• 4:31
  Vaidehi: but a lot of us are living with that grief of what are we gonna do in the time being of finding this partner, having these children?
• 4:41
  Vaidehi: And more often than not, some days you wake up and don't think about it at all.
• 4:45
  Vaidehi: Like you said, some days you do have this really incredible moment that you want to take it and share with the person you love or I don't know, I think more than sharing moments, I think I want someone...
• 4:58
  Vaidehi: I was just telling my friend today a reflection.
• 5:00
  Vaidehi: And I think you miss having someone day to day.
• 5:04
  Vaidehi: Dating is a reflection.
• 5:05
  Vaidehi: You learn so much about yourself.
• 5:06
  Vaidehi: I wanna be
• 5:07
  Curry Badshah: Yes.
• 5:08
  Curry Badshah: Yes, preach,
• 5:08
  Vaidehi: I wanna be the Bonnie and Clyde and build an empire.
• 5:11
  Vaidehi: I'm ready for that.
• 5:12
  Vaidehi: And I think when I was trying to get, I n- you told me some of the things we were gonna talk about.
• 5:17
  Vaidehi: In my head, I realized I did a reflection of where I'm at,'cause I don't really think about this journey and everything, because I think if you do, you'll sit in that grief.
• 5:27
  Vaidehi: I fill my time with a lot of things that make me happy,
• 5:30
  Curry Badshah: Yes
• 5:30
  Vaidehi: the things that I can enjoy when I don't have to take care of a child, that some of my friends are taking time to do or, have responsibilities at home, or split my time with my husband's family,
• 5:41
  Curry Badshah: Yep
• 5:41
  Vaidehi: and just do the things that I love.
• 5:43
  Vaidehi: And that fills up a lot of my time.
• 5:45
  Vaidehi: today, I was reflecting that and I said,"What have-- where am I in this state of dating?" And I'm like, it's been about four years since I seriously started to look for a partner, and I thought of it's taken me four years to graduate college.
• 6:00
  Vaidehi: Years to be a doctor.
• 6:02
  Vaidehi: Am I near the end now of this?
• 6:04
  Vaidehi: And I think it's gotten to the point where I remember being...
• 6:07
  Vaidehi: I'm not a doctor, but I went to the nursing school and I'm like, by the time I got done with nursing school, the goal was it was achievable, but at that point, you're so tired of it.
• 6:15
  Vaidehi: I-- And I'm like, I think I've gotten so tired in the last year of just hasn't worked out for me.
• 6:21
  Vaidehi: I've dwelled on it for a year one, year two of it not help.
• 6:25
  Vaidehi: A couple of years ago, I was like, by, sure, 36, I will have 35, I'll be married, life out.
• 6:31
  Vaidehi: But it hasn't happened.
• 6:32
  Vaidehi: And so I'm now living in that post stage of just accepting what it is and My time.
• 6:40
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, I, last year I was like,"Watch, I am not ending this year single." I can feel it in my bones, and I don't know what's making me say this with such conviction, but I will not be ending 2025 single.
• 6:53
  Curry Badshah: I ended 2025 single.
• 6:57
  Curry Badshah: And I was like,"Where did all this confidence and conviction come from?
• 7:01
  Curry Badshah: Why give it to me if it's not gonna be?" And then I was like you know how they say l- like a lunar calendar and the whatever and like really like spring of the next year is actually the real start of year.
• 7:13
  Curry Badshah: I was like, okay, then maybe like March.
• 7:15
  Curry Badshah: Let's like Q1 of'26 pass and like it'll still be valid.
• 7:19
  Curry Badshah: Still no, and I was like damn.
• 7:22
  Curry Badshah: Okay.
• 7:23
  Curry Badshah: And so that kind of sadness, I had some people like a massage therapist be...
• 7:28
  Curry Badshah: I, I told her, I was like,"Girl, I- watch.
• 7:29
  Curry Badshah: Next time you see me in six months or whatever, I'm gonna have this boo and I'm gonna talk about him." And she, I saw her a couple months ago, and she was like,"Girl, I was thinking about you.
• 7:38
  Curry Badshah: Did you ever meet that man?" And I was like,"No." I was like,"No, I didn't.
• 7:44
  Curry Badshah: I'm still at the exact same level of single where there's like not a man in sight." And I just...
• 7:50
  Curry Badshah: And I felt a similar way also about the dating thing, that it was a, about a, it was actually about a month ago today, where I had some sort of awakening where I I was like,"Yeah, sure, I'm open to dating," to feeling like, you know what?
• 8:05
  Curry Badshah: I actually miss it.
• 8:07
  Curry Badshah: I miss dating.
• 8:09
  Curry Badshah: I do miss kind of some of that that like giddiness that comes from like getting ready and wondering how it's gonna go and all of that stuff.
• 8:17
  Curry Badshah: So to not have that or not get anything of it un- like until recently, which I talked about in the last episode I was kinda like sad and I was like, I don't know what else I have to do about it.
• 8:30
  Curry Badshah: But wait and see because I have my standards and I'm not willing to change them.
• 8:37
  Vaidehi: Absolutely.
• 8:38
  Vaidehi: I think you can argue though that you're not in the exact same spot,'cause you're experienced, you've learned a little bit, you've probably
• 8:46
  Curry Badshah: But that's all of us
• 8:48
  Vaidehi: Yeah.
• 8:49
  Vaidehi: And looking at the end goal as just being a man, I think we could also re-focus on the lens and just say enjoy the dating process.
• 8:58
  Vaidehi: 'Cause it may not be fun, but we're learning a lot about ourselves.
• 9:01
  Vaidehi: We're going through crazy experiences.
• 9:05
  Vaidehi: While they might be funny stories for our friends, you're still growing in every...
• 9:08
  Vaidehi: I feel like I grow in every moment, and God is putting me through these
• 9:13
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, I've had
• 9:14
  Vaidehi: and tribulations
• 9:16
  Curry Badshah: some of my most significant growth moments from dating people.
• 9:22
  Curry Badshah: I, like even the, the...
• 9:23
  Curry Badshah: There are, I, and I always talk about these two guys that I dated that I feel that I credit them to who I am today, because they were two people that shattered my, the old version of me to make way for this new version that is not a man-hater that is able to actually say"Yeah, I do, I would like a cuddle.
• 9:43
  Curry Badshah: And you know what?
• 9:44
  Curry Badshah: I kinda do wanna wear matching outfits or at least complementary outfits." And I do wanna cuddle up and cozy up and, be one of those insufferable couples that you see in public where you're like,"Ugh, I don't wanna see it." But I'm like, you know what, though?
• 9:56
  Curry Badshah: When you're in it, when you're in that bubble, it feels really nice.
• 10:01
  Curry Badshah: It feels really nice, and it made me just be like,"Yeah, I would like that," instead of constantly rolling my eyes at everyone else.
• 10:08
  Curry Badshah: And I think, I b- I truly believe that it made me softer, and that believe it or not, I think it made me more This is gonna be such a weird thing to say, but I think it made me more shy as well.
• 10:20
  Curry Badshah: And I don't mean shy in a negative way.
• 10:22
  Curry Badshah: I think more shy in the the demure way, where I'm like,"You know what?
• 10:27
  Curry Badshah: I'm not, like, chasing down a man.
• 10:30
  Curry Badshah: I'm not being so aggressive with my approach." I am definitely not the same person that I was before where I'd go up to a guy and be like,"Hey.
• 10:38
  Curry Badshah: You're cute.
• 10:39
  Curry Badshah: You wanna go out?" Something in my body does not wanna do that anymore, even though I know that's the person that I used to be, and I know she's in here.
• 10:47
  Curry Badshah: But I'm just like,"No, I don't wanna do any of that.
• 10:50
  Curry Badshah: Why would I do that?" And I think it's been such a revelation in terms of in terms of all of that to be open to receiving all these other things that my, that I know my coupled-up friends have.
• 11:07
  Vaidehi: It's part of the whole grieving process of having someone by now and every holiday reminds you of that or
• 11:12
  Curry Badshah: Oh God,
• 11:13
  Vaidehi: every, every big moment in your life that you wanna share that with your person.
• 11:17
  Vaidehi: I think it helps to have other people to obviously, physical touch and cuddling with your friends is not the s- you know not the same Of that.
• 11:25
  Vaidehi: But there's are other parts of validation.
• 11:27
  Vaidehi: I think I've just conditioned myself to say, like, when the time is right and when the person is in front of me they'll properly celebrate me, and
• 11:36
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 11:37
  Vaidehi: tell them about my promotion, and I can tell them about how far I've gotten with my podcast.
• 11:41
  Vaidehi: But I don't think...
• 11:42
  Vaidehi: I'm so grateful to have the community of whatever it looks like, faces, people, ages, Support me and never make me feel like, maybe my single l- love letter that I sent to them from last year have, has,
• 11:57
  Curry Badshah: Maybe it had, yeah, maybe it had a ripple effect.
• 12:00
  Vaidehi: But I'm thankful that I don't really feel it, or maybe I've con- just told myself that like everything else that's fallen into place in my life, will too.
• 12:10
  Curry Badshah: This will too.
• 12:10
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, absolutely
• 12:11
  Vaidehi: and if, know, I'm meant to have all types of intimacy with my partner in a future time, then I'll have all types of intimacy in my future time.
• 12:21
  Vaidehi: And I think the grass will always seem greener
• 12:24
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 12:25
  Vaidehi: you're on
• 12:26
  Curry Badshah: I had...
• 12:26
  Vaidehi: or the other side,
• 12:27
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, I've had...
• 12:28
  Vaidehi: don't know what that's, what that grass looks
• 12:30
  Curry Badshah: We really don't.
• 12:30
  Curry Badshah: I remember some friends that got married really young, as of 10 years ago, and they were like,"It's actually really hard to be married.
• 12:39
  Curry Badshah: You're jealous of me, well, I'm jealous of you where I don't have to deal with some of this stuff." Or the- them telling me"You don't have to deal with these things, but being married is kinda hard." And and then there are those moments when I hear those stories or whatever they're dealing with, and I'm like,"Yeah, boy am I glad I don't have to deal with any of that." But I also know that one day I will, so speaking to what you were saying, is that I know in due time one day it will all change.
• 13:03
  Curry Badshah: God willing.
• 13:04
  Curry Badshah: And I,
• 13:04
  Vaidehi: Absolutely.
• 13:05
  Curry Badshah: My, my horoscope says that like I will be married and I will have children, so I'm like,"Okay, so it's coming." It's coming, I'm not allowed to dictate when.
• 13:14
  Curry Badshah: But if it's coming, then one day when it comes it's gonna change.
• 13:18
  Curry Badshah: Just like any time you have met and dated someone, even if it was for a short period of time, all of a sudden your routine was probably thrown off, you were probably on your phone texting that person more or whatever.
• 13:29
  Curry Badshah: And so I'm like, but whenever that thing, whenever that person comes into my life and it starts to run that good run, like it's going to change everything.
• 13:40
  Curry Badshah: And then once it changes, it's gonna, I would like to hope and assume that it's gonna be changed for the rest of my life.
• 13:47
  Curry Badshah: And I think the thing about being 35, in your mid-30s, is that- Once again, if it's all right and it's that good run and that good person and everything, that can be the literal rest of your life for the next half, like the next 35 years.
• 14:05
  Curry Badshah: I will be 70 years old, but I try to think of it in that sense, especially when I turned 35.
• 14:11
  Curry Badshah: I was like,"Oh my God, in 35 years, like twice of today, like this many years, I will be 70 years old." And that's crazy to think of, that when you just double that age, like that's gonna be so much more life.
• 14:25
  Curry Badshah: That when I hear older people talk about like their experiences and their life and the things that they've done, I'm like,"God, that's so much life." So that does help put me in perspective of that's another 35 years.
• 14:36
  Curry Badshah: If I feel old now, like another 35 years, give or take of my life being completely different is a long time.
• 14:45
  Curry Badshah: It's a long time, so it's okay.
• 14:47
  Curry Badshah: But also there was something else that you talked about before that, that is coming back to me.
• 14:51
  Curry Badshah: In terms of feeling that that...
• 14:54
  Curry Badshah: I don't feel that pressure about having kids, like that biological clock situation.
• 14:59
  Curry Badshah: But I will say when my dad turned 70, I all of a sudden had an existential crisis.
• 15:06
  Curry Badshah: I was like,"My dad is 70.
• 15:08
  Curry Badshah: Shouldn't he be a grandfather by now?" And then I was like,"Oh, he o- he only becomes a grandfather if I have a kid." Like me or my brother, and my brother's younger than me, so I'm like, I, I had a different thing that really hit me in my realization.
• 15:23
  Curry Badshah: But yeah, otherwise I was like blissfully living my life and I was like,"It's okay.
• 15:28
  Curry Badshah: Like women are having kids in their 40s like now more than ever.
• 15:31
  Curry Badshah: Like that's fine.
• 15:33
  Curry Badshah: Let's do that instead."
• 15:36
  Vaidehi: Or even just, people are living past 70.
• 15:38
  Vaidehi: The average
• 15:39
  Curry Badshah: Right.
• 15:39
  Vaidehi: longer and longer, and people are healthier, knock on wood.
• 15:43
  Vaidehi: Everyone
• 15:43
  Curry Badshah: Sciences
• 15:44
  Vaidehi: the they have with your children and their grandchildren and, I think we, going through it, it feels like where is the light at the end of the tunnel, Need to in the same way, I'm like, luckily, my parents do have other grandchildren.
• 15:59
  Vaidehi: But I'm also just I want this for myself, and I want this for other for my parents and my, know, nieces to have cousins.
• 16:08
  Vaidehi: But I'm also at the same time like, I could.
• 16:12
  Vaidehi: Like, all of us could sit down and have a child.
• 16:15
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 16:16
  Vaidehi: with someone Women are getting sperm donors.
• 16:18
  Vaidehi: If they really want to be a mother, then they are, getting the sperm donor and having their children.
• 16:23
  Vaidehi: But at the same time, we're waiting, and so it's it's always okay, is this partner gonna be a good father, and do I want to have children with him?
• 16:34
  Vaidehi: Do I want to spend the next 35, 40 years of my life with him?
• 16:37
  Vaidehi: And that, that's what needs to make sense, And so while you're in the trenches, it feels like coming out of it gonna be like you're up for air and like you can finally take a deep breath.
• 16:47
  Vaidehi: But like you said, married life, like for my married friends say the same thing.
• 16:50
  Vaidehi: Like it's not like it gets any easier, it's just the issues change.
• 16:55
  Curry Badshah: yeah
• 16:56
  Vaidehi: this like couple of years of struggle of dating and like influential because...
• 17:02
  Vaidehi: Or it's like, what is the word I'm looking for?
• 17:05
  Vaidehi: It's a little bit different because of the loneliness epidemic, post-COVID, having so much technology that it maybe ruined a little bit of dating culture that we'll look back and be like that was like, crazy," but like it's past us,
• 17:21
  Curry Badshah: yeah.
• 17:22
  Vaidehi: school was past me one
• 17:23
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 17:24
  Vaidehi: era will be
• 17:25
  Curry Badshah: We'll be over one day as well.
• 17:27
  Vaidehi: our parent,
• 17:27
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 17:28
  Vaidehi: happily parents or happily in our married lives.
• 17:30
  Vaidehi: Yeah.
• 17:31
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, absolutely.
• 17:32
  Curry Badshah: There was, to plug a Sex and the City reference towards the end actually of the series, Carrie Bradshaw was very jaded.
• 17:40
  Curry Badshah: She's like,"I'm tired of dating." And it's funny because when...
• 17:43
  Curry Badshah: Because I just re-watched the entire series, but I literally saw her make the same kind of mistakes and do the same kind of shit that I did, all for her to end up just being like,"What do I do it for?" What is the...
• 17:56
  Curry Badshah: she was, like, literally running out of stories because she she writes about sex, and so she writes about dating and all.
• 18:01
  Curry Badshah: She's like,"I'm not even really dating.
• 18:03
  Curry Badshah: I don't even really have a topic to talk about because I'm just so over it." And her friends are like,"Oh, come on, let me set you up," or,"Let me do this," or"Let's go to a thing," and all that stuff.
• 18:14
  Curry Badshah: And I, I found myself being like, yeah, I have been that jaded as well, where I've just been like,"No, I don't want to, and I don't know what else to do." Which is just funny.
• 18:25
  Curry Badshah: And then also speaking of pop culture, like a reference like that I also definitely thought she got dates so easily, and I know granted the, the series is from the lens of obviously her dating and having all these stories.
• 18:37
  Curry Badshah: But I was like, yeah, I definitely thought I would date way more in my late 20s and 30s, and I did not date in the same way.
• 18:46
  Curry Badshah: That that wasn't...
• 18:47
  Curry Badshah: It's just not a thing that happened, and if you remember the sitcoms and things like that we watched, it was like,"It's Friday night, don't you have a date?" Or it's"It's date night.
• 18:57
  Curry Badshah: Who are you going to the movies with?" And things like that, and I'm like,"Oh, that would be cool to have that life one day." And then anytime I have had that moment, I really I think about that teenager.
• 19:08
  Curry Badshah: I think about that, that, that young person that was like,"Oh, I one day hoped for this." And granted, it's not every week or whatever.
• 19:16
  Curry Badshah: Whenever I have that, I'm like,"This is nice.
• 19:20
  Curry Badshah: This is nice.
• 19:20
  Curry Badshah: I have a date on a Friday night.
• 19:22
  Curry Badshah: I have a Saturday night date," whatever it is.
• 19:24
  Curry Badshah: And yeah, and it's just funny how much we had this expectation that was driven into us, not even by parents, but from pop culture that was like,"Oh, you're gonna date so much." And then I remember literally being like,"2020's gonna be my year." It was...
• 19:42
  Vaidehi: all of us.
• 19:44
  Vaidehi: I turned 30 that year and it was like sit home for two
• 19:48
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, I was like, okay, I was turning 29 and I was like,"Okay, great.
• 19:53
  Curry Badshah: We're gonna start working out more.
• 19:55
  Curry Badshah: We're gonna get the health and fitness right.
• 19:57
  Curry Badshah: We're gonna start dating.
• 19:59
  Curry Badshah: Just watch, in a couple of years I'm gonna be married." And then I was like...
• 20:02
  Curry Badshah: And the world was like,"Nope."
• 20:06
  Vaidehi: Yeah.
• 20:07
  Vaidehi: That like kickstarted a lot and, going back to your point about like sitcoms and stuff, I definitely...
• 20:13
  Vaidehi: as I talk about as well, like we didn't really have a, a map of how to date.
• 20:17
  Vaidehi: And like that
• 20:17
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 20:18
  Vaidehi: of oh, it is cool to have a date.
• 20:20
  Vaidehi: It is cool to be set up by friends.
• 20:22
  Vaidehi: It is cool to, Like in your 20s, you're in your prime, and I was like, my 20s, I was still trying to figure out what I wanted.
• 20:29
  Vaidehi: I was a toxic dater in my 20s.
• 20:31
  Curry Badshah: Oh, same
• 20:32
  Vaidehi: I never envisioned my 30s having that, but I definitely thought in my 20s I would have.
• 20:38
  Vaidehi: And now you, now realistically, I'm like,"I don't wanna give up my weekend just on a date." I'm like,"Take me out on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or
• 20:44
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 20:45
  Curry Badshah: Take one of the other days where I have less things, yeah?
• 20:48
  Vaidehi: Yeah.
• 20:49
  Vaidehi: too much going on in my time.
• 20:50
  Vaidehi: I, can't give up a Friday.
• 20:53
  Vaidehi: It's like tough.
• 20:54
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, that's true.
• 20:55
  Curry Badshah: It's like you haven't gotten that clearance yet.
• 20:58
  Vaidehi: Yeah, that's like reserved time for like close friends or my family, I've got tickets for.
• 21:03
  Vaidehi: But yeah, like a hot date at 7:00 PM on a Friday, wear a dress, tell me how to do that and I will show up.
• 21:10
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 21:11
  Vaidehi: it's like I don't even know how many I've had on a Friday.
• 21:14
  Vaidehi: But every now and then like they show up and I think I'm grateful for the of good ex- I've...
• 21:20
  Vaidehi: I'll have to say this year I've had knock on wood, some really good dates because I don't know, I don't know what's, what has changed.
• 21:26
  Vaidehi: I don't think I've changed myself that much,
• 21:29
  Curry Badshah: It could just be like your aura, like you're attracting it in,
• 21:32
  Vaidehi: I just have had people plan things when I don't have to ask for it.
• 21:36
  Vaidehi: I have had no, no like back and forth about what do you wanna do?
• 21:42
  Vaidehi: When do you wanna meet up?
• 21:43
  Vaidehi: It's more directive of"Tell me when you're free.
• 21:46
  Vaidehi: I'll come find a place near you." The bare minimum things I was asking a
• 21:50
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 21:50
  Vaidehi: ago, so maybe we're filtering it out better.
• 21:53
  Vaidehi: I don't
• 21:53
  Curry Badshah: You know what?
• 21:54
  Curry Badshah: I think there is something to the...
• 21:59
  Curry Badshah: I refer to podcasting as a, I'm like, I don't know how many people are necessarily listening, but that doesn't matter.
• 22:04
  Curry Badshah: I think it's like a wonderful outlet, right?
• 22:06
  Curry Badshah: I pick a topic, I pick a thing I wanna talk about, and I either complain, gripe, share my advi- whatever it is.
• 22:13
  Curry Badshah: But I think talking it out is almost like a, almost like a one-way talk therapy.
• 22:16
  Curry Badshah: I think it helps get it off your chest and get it out there, so it's cleansing.
• 22:23
  Curry Badshah: and I think it's healing.
• 22:24
  Curry Badshah: I think for myself, at least, yeah, I think at least for myself getting all these things out, not only has it been put out there and it's off my chest, but then my friends will hear it and have a response to it.
• 22:40
  Curry Badshah: Whether it's support or just"Hey, I heard you talk about this.""Are you okay?" Or anything like that, and it's validating.
• 22:47
  Curry Badshah: It's another level of validation to where then I'm like, I'm not necessarily holding on to those feelings in the same way.
• 22:54
  Curry Badshah: And I think therefore, I carry myself differently in the world.
• 22:58
  Curry Badshah: I think my aura is different than it was like a year ago.
• 23:01
  Curry Badshah: I think what I attract is different than I did, a c- couple of years ago and things like that.
• 23:08
  Curry Badshah: So I'm really...
• 23:10
  Curry Badshah: I, that's what I just truly believe is that we're just, I think we're in the space that because we're letting go of a lot of things, maybe you needed to do your love letter and just get it out there and be like,"Listen, I'm gonna say it all right now." Every feeling.
• 23:24
  Curry Badshah: I'm gonna put it out there, and so then maybe that just opened it up to okay, heard.
• 23:29
  Curry Badshah: The kind of guys that are gonna come your way are gonna be different.
• 23:31
  Curry Badshah: You just watch.
• 23:32
  Curry Badshah: 'Cause- Yeah'cause similar thing, like I'm like, my standards are not that crazy.
• 23:36
  Curry Badshah: It's, come on, it's gotta be possible.
• 23:40
  Curry Badshah: And for the, the guy that I just met to just meet those basic standards- Fantastic.
• 23:48
  Curry Badshah: No notes.
• 23:48
  Curry Badshah: I remember even and this is a bit of an exclusive, like we have actually gone on one date.
• 23:53
  Curry Badshah: In the previous episode I only talked about meeting him, but we have gone on one date, and originally he had asked to meet me where I work.
• 24:02
  Curry Badshah: He was like,"Oh, let's meet there again." And I was like,"Okay.""Next time I'll let him know..." Like when we meet I'll be like,"Next time let's not meet where I work so we can get out of here." I don't really love to come straight from work and be in the same vicinity.
• 24:15
  Curry Badshah: Yeah but I didn't even have to do that because he already decided to be like,"Let's pick a different place, actually.
• 24:23
  Curry Badshah: Where do you live?" Or what's the...
• 24:24
  Curry Badshah: what are the neighborhoods around you?
• 24:26
  Curry Badshah: What's there to do there?" And I was like,"Oh, you can't go wrong in this neighborhood." He's like,"Do you want me to pick something, or do you have a suggestion?" I was like,"I'm interested to see what you would pick." And he pi- he picked, and I was like,"Whoa." These are the exact kind of things that I wanted, where it was like almost like knowing before I knew.
• 24:50
  Curry Badshah: Or I don't know, like it's not like I had to say it and it happened.
• 24:53
  Curry Badshah: I don't know how to explain that entire thing, but it was just really a relief that I was actually going on a date with a guy who took all these appropriate steps.
• 25:03
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, and I was like,"See?
• 25:04
  Curry Badshah: It's not that hard.
• 25:05
  Curry Badshah: It's completely doable." And again, it continues to just be that validation of if you just wait, if you are just patient, it feels hard when you're going through it, like you said, but there will be light at the end, and just wait for the light.
• 25:25
  Curry Badshah: It'll be okay.
• 25:26
  Curry Badshah: And then, yeah, on the other side of it you're gonna talk about oh, thank...
• 25:29
  Curry Badshah: we're gonna say what our, what out married friend says"Oh, thank God that's all behind me and I don't have to deal with any of that anymore."
• 25:35
  Vaidehi: Right.
• 25:35
  Vaidehi: And if you talk to them today, it's like, it's as cliche as it is.
• 25:39
  Vaidehi: Just like you'll find the right person when the timing is right,
• 25:42
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 25:44
  Vaidehi: What do they always say?
• 25:45
  Vaidehi: I feel like I've like just lost it from my brain of"You'll find them when you- you're
• 25:49
  Curry Badshah: Leasing.
• 25:49
  Vaidehi: for But I think there's some truth to that because I don't know that I actually...
• 25:54
  Vaidehi: I believe in a lot of jinxing and not trying to put it out in the universe'cause you don't want it to not happen.
• 26:01
  Vaidehi: Manifestation has been the new thing of no, you should speak it into existence.
• 26:06
  Vaidehi: And I think Kim Kardashian manifested Lewis Hamilton in her life or things like that,
• 26:10
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 26:10
  Vaidehi: heard recently.
• 26:11
  Vaidehi: And so it's just like you talking about you wanted a guy to do all these things, like maybe you manifested that.
• 26:17
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 26:18
  Curry Badshah: I think, girl, I think we both did.
• 26:19
  Curry Badshah: That's what I'm saying with this podcasting it's out there
• 26:22
  Vaidehi: He's out there, but I think there's something with that where I didn't really believe in manifest- I
• 26:27
  Curry Badshah: I get what you're saying
• 26:28
  Vaidehi: the fine line of me jinxing it versus talking it into existence?
• 26:32
  Vaidehi: But I think it is you speak it and you forget about
• 26:34
  Curry Badshah: yeah
• 26:35
  Vaidehi: it in the universe, and then you're just like,"This is what I want." And I don't know if we have to manifest it five, 10 times or stand two feet strong on I'm not gonna go on a date unless a guy tells me where we're going or be directive or
• 26:49
  Curry Badshah: Yes
• 26:50
  Vaidehi: some subconscious thing that we're accepting and not accepting, and so we're filtering out guys better.
• 26:55
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 26:55
  Curry Badshah: I think it's a collection of all those things.
• 26:57
  Curry Badshah: I think one of those things is just being South Asian and the whole concept of nazar.
• 27:02
  Curry Badshah: And I remember my mom saying"Don't go telling everybody that you've got a job offer or that you've got a, that you've got a, a interview with this company.""Someone will put an evil eye on it, someone who's jealous or someone...""Don't say anything until it's final," or,"Don't say anything until after it's happened and established" and things like that.
• 27:19
  Curry Badshah: And it took me some time to let go of that concept because I was like,"No, I'm really excited about this, and I know there's a possibility that it won't happen." But I don't wanna be in fear of that anymore because if anything, that's just life, right?
• 27:34
  Curry Badshah: Sometimes things happen, sometimes things don't.
• 27:36
  Curry Badshah: But I want to embrace the excitement of it while I am still excited, rather than be like,"I'm gonna keep all this excitement inside and to myself and not share it with anyone for fear of nazar," and then if it doesn't work out the way that I want it to, then I didn't even get to be excited about it.
• 27:53
  Curry Badshah: I had to keep it to myself rather than have
• 27:56
  Vaidehi: I never thought about
• 27:57
  Curry Badshah: Rather than having my friends be like,"Oh my God, I'm so excited for you," and"Tell me how it goes," and then, you get to have that follow-up conversation of"Hey, I didn't get it," or"It didn't work out," or whatever.
• 28:06
  Curry Badshah: And then them being able to be part of your life in one way, in that way where they can be there for you.
• 28:10
  Curry Badshah: Or"Okay, so it worked out.
• 28:11
  Curry Badshah: I'm really excited." And then they can share in that excitement.
• 28:15
  Curry Badshah: Because having also like, being the s- being the single friend, with married friends, like it's, it can also be hard to get them to, to, to I guess show up and root for your smaller wins the same way that we support their...
• 28:32
  Curry Badshah: I say bigger wins and smaller wins in the vein of marriage and babies and first, and then that baby's first birthday and stuff like that.
• 28:39
  Curry Badshah: Versus"I got the job," or, I got the pet," or,"I got the apartment," or whatever it is.
• 28:45
  Curry Badshah: So I've let go a little bit of that like let me not tell anybody until...
• 28:49
  Curry Badshah: "i would rather put it out there and have it come true than not put it out there at all," like full stop.
• 28:58
  Vaidehi: Yeah, and there's like this really nice meme or reel that I saw Went into this in a modern Desi girl or scientific and historical perspective in, in an Instagram reel, and I've always wondered what it was.
• 29:13
  Vaidehi: I wish I was able to like...
• 29:14
  Vaidehi: I missed it, and it was just like, is it a real thing?
• 29:17
  Vaidehi: And it's like, it...
• 29:18
  Vaidehi: I've come to also believe it is because other cultures have it.
• 29:22
  Vaidehi: But I think it goes to the manifestation and like everyone, even like we're in the States, so the next step thing for all of us is gonna be finding that partner, and it's like, when is gonna be the right time we tell our friends?
• 29:33
  Vaidehi: And honestly, the, a couple of them that have been so confident in their decision or partner or situation, they've shared immediately, within weeks I'm saying.
• 29:45
  Vaidehi: And so-- and a lot of them are married or about to get married.
• 29:48
  Vaidehi: And so truly wonder if the crack to the code of is it manifestation or evil eyes, you can stand like confidently in that and just you're warding it off on your own, or you're not afraid of the outcome of it not working out, kinda like what you said, where, Know, if it doesn't, then you get to share in it, but at least you're able to be, e-embrace it
• 30:14
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 30:15
  Vaidehi: at that moment in your time rather than being like,"I don't think it's going anywhere.
• 30:19
  Vaidehi: I could've been a doctor.
• 30:20
  Vaidehi: I could've moved to New York," or some of these like could have, would have,
• 30:23
  Curry Badshah: Kuruburu Sridhar's, yeah.
• 30:25
  Curry Badshah: I, on that same vein, I have heard a couple of different ways now about the power of belief.
• 30:31
  Curry Badshah: Not to, again, quote my previous episode.
• 30:34
  Curry Badshah: But even like Aparna...
• 30:36
  Vaidehi: four episodes each at this point,
• 30:38
  Curry Badshah: I know.
• 30:38
  Vaidehi: We can
• 30:38
  Curry Badshah: I know.
• 30:39
  Curry Badshah: There's been so many topics that are like, are still always so relevant and intertwined, but Aparna, who also a previous guest, she recently..
• 30:47
  Curry Badshah: Did like an AMA on Instagram, and somebody had asked her"Don't you ever fear the nazar on you?
• 30:52
  Curry Badshah: Everyone's evil eye on you?" And she was like,"I refuse to believe it, actually.
• 30:58
  Curry Badshah: And so if I don't believe it's going to harm me, then it won't harm me." If I don't believe that everyone...
• 31:05
  Curry Badshah: 'Cause...
• 31:05
  Curry Badshah: And also, she was like so hated, right?
• 31:08
  Curry Badshah: She was so disliked that if she really took that everything that was, quote,"going wrong" is because everyone who's watched her is hating, then imagine how insane that can drive you.
• 31:22
  Curry Badshah: Versus if she's like,"No, I don't believe that's what's going to affect me," then it's not going to affect me.
• 31:28
  Curry Badshah: And then I think on the flip side of that, if you believe in the power of manifestation, if you believe in charging your crystals, if you believe in drinking moon water, if you believe prayer, if you believe fasting, i- all these things are going to actually give you good things, then it will work, or you will start attributing it to it working.
• 31:53
  Curry Badshah: "Ah, it's because I prayed.
• 31:54
  Curry Badshah: Ah, it's because I charged my crystals.
• 31:56
  Curry Badshah: Ah, it's because I did these things.
• 31:58
  Curry Badshah: I manifested this man and he came." And some of that is also just free will of like we have the free will to be like, if I know I want a man who's going to take my number and reach out to me, and be the one to start a conversation, take the initiative to plan a date, and then pay for everything without without making a stink about what I owe him, or"I gotta come back with you," or whatever, then I will know whether or not that's the right person because I have made that free will decision of oh, good, he texted me.
• 32:30
  Curry Badshah: I didn't have to text him.
• 32:31
  Curry Badshah: Oh, good he made the plan.
• 32:32
  Curry Badshah: I didn't have to make the plan.
• 32:34
  Curry Badshah: 'Cause then the minute that something goes against our principle belief or whatever standard we're holding ourselves to, then we're just not going to...
• 32:41
  Curry Badshah: We're gonna be like,"You know what?
• 32:42
  Curry Badshah: No, I'm too old for this shit.
• 32:44
  Curry Badshah: No, I'm not gonna deal with that." And then it makes dating better.
• 32:47
  Curry Badshah: So I think that's another, that's another facet of this is like getting older, dating other people, you've learned more about yourself.
• 32:54
  Curry Badshah: We've talked about this.
• 32:56
  Curry Badshah: And I think you just date even better moving forward.
• 33:00
  Curry Badshah: So I think all of this kind of comes together at various growth points
• 33:05
  Vaidehi: We're about to graduate in our dating journey,
• 33:06
  Curry Badshah: I know.
• 33:07
  Vaidehi: No, I can't wait.
• 33:08
  Vaidehi: Can't wait.
• 33:09
  Vaidehi: I'm gonna hold a graduation party
• 33:11
  Curry Badshah: Let's do another one let's do another one of these when we're, like, 40 and be, and it'll be talking about how"Remember when we talked about this topic so much?"
• 33:19
  Vaidehi: We thought dating was the worst thing.
• 33:20
  Curry Badshah: We thought-
• 33:21
  Vaidehi: a child
• 33:21
  Curry Badshah: Now we have a child and they're the, two, whatever, two years old, and they're, like, driving me insane.
• 33:27
  Vaidehi: I can't do any more play dates.
• 33:29
  Vaidehi: Yeah, that's
• 33:29
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 33:30
  Vaidehi: about.
• 33:30
  Vaidehi: Yeah.
• 33:32
  Curry Badshah: Oh, my God.
• 33:32
  Vaidehi: hair is everywhere.
• 33:33
  Curry Badshah: Oh, yeah, right?
• 33:34
  Curry Badshah: Oh, my God, I've heard all of these things, too.
• 33:37
  Curry Badshah: I know, living with a man.
• 33:38
  Curry Badshah: And now I have a cat, and she's a girl cat, so I'm just like,"It's just us girls." And I think of, I- I've seen the reel or the audio a few times of"But why would a man be here?" And I'm like, one day she's gonna be like,"But why would a man be here?
• 33:50
  Curry Badshah: Like, why...
• 33:50
  Curry Badshah: I don't...
• 33:51
  Curry Badshah: like, why would a man be here?" It's just us girls.
• 33:54
  Curry Badshah: Why would a man be here?
• 33:55
  Vaidehi: the entrance of masculine energy, and I've heard this with pe- some of my friends that have started to move in with their partners and stuff, it's like a huge transition.
• 34:04
  Vaidehi: You're like,"They want protein every day.
• 34:06
  Vaidehi: Their hair, their beard hair is everywhere." And I'm like,"I don't think I'm ready to live with a man.
• 34:11
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 34:11
  Vaidehi: I don't think I could do it."
• 34:12
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 34:13
  Vaidehi: that's why I'm still single.
• 34:15
  Vaidehi: Used to that
• 34:15
  Curry Badshah: no, I think it's it...
• 34:16
  Curry Badshah: i've had some friends say"Oh, you eventually get comfortable enough, and you eventually start to realize." And then, of course, the good men will take care of themselves.
• 34:26
  Curry Badshah: 'Cause I have some friends who have got good partners and I ha- I've got some friends who are like,"They're the neat freak, not me.
• 34:32
  Curry Badshah: They're cleaning up after me." And I'm like there's gonna be one in every relationship.
• 34:36
  Curry Badshah: Because I think it would be worse,'cause I do know someone who both of them are messy people, and it is a nightmare to be in their space,'cause I'm like,"Oh, this is so gross." And so I'm like, I think seeing those things, I've come to just accept the fact that one person is the messy person.
• 34:54
  Curry Badshah: Or m- even if it's not completely messy, it's like they're just gonna be messier than the clean freak of the other clean freak nature of the other person.
• 35:02
  Curry Badshah: Like one friend was like, she's like,"He's following me around with the vacuum." Or"He's the one, like my husband is the one while I'm cooking, he's cleaning the counter and putting stuff away because he can't stand it." She's like,"Our place is only clean'cause he cleans it."
• 35:17
  Vaidehi: Yeah.
• 35:18
  Curry Badshah: And I'm like, I guess that it's one in every
• 35:22
  Vaidehi: God makes you in pairs like that.
• 35:23
  Vaidehi: It always works out
• 35:25
  Curry Badshah: Oh my God.
• 35:25
  Curry Badshah: They really do.
• 35:25
  Curry Badshah: They really do.
• 35:26
  Curry Badshah: God really does make in pairs.
• 35:28
  Curry Badshah: That's a great little button there to put it together, that everyone, everybody needs somebody.
• 35:35
  Curry Badshah: And I feel for my other single friends as well.
• 35:37
  Curry Badshah: And I guess maybe that's another thing to touch on is the power of also having single friends and also having partnered friends.
• 35:44
  Curry Badshah: The perspectives that you get from your partnered friends, but then also the the kind of understanding that you get from having single friends and that only other single friends will get it the way that you get it.
• 35:57
  Curry Badshah: Like the, looping it back around to that grief and that sadness of"Oh, I wish I had someone," but you're single, you also get it.
• 36:06
  Curry Badshah: We...
• 36:06
  Curry Badshah: we get where that's coming from versus the partnered friends and being able to get a sense of what is there to look forward to, what is there to realize will...
• 36:17
  Curry Badshah: where the grass isn't exactly greener and the challenges that are faced there.
• 36:22
  Curry Badshah: And so I have, I've told anybody who will listen that if you're single and all your friends are partnered, find some single friends.
• 36:31
  Curry Badshah: I think from a mental health perspective, it's super helpful to just be able to commiserate.
• 36:37
  Curry Badshah: Just to be able to commiserate and be like, it's really hard when da," and then someone's"No.
• 36:41
  Curry Badshah: Dude, I totally get it.
• 36:42
  Curry Badshah: Same." Or,"This is how I'm figuring it out or working through it," or this, what we're doing
• 36:50
  Vaidehi: No, absolutely.
• 36:51
  Vaidehi: Having that community, for us it's singles, and then, for people that are divorced, it might be divorced friends, and people that have kids, and then the k- you might relate more with other friends and I've seen, we've all s- all seen our friends in different situations move across the country for work, for school.
• 37:08
  Vaidehi: They rebuild their community wherever they are, And I think it's so much easier.
• 37:11
  Vaidehi: I have some friends that are looking for, that are guys, and they're looking for friends.
• 37:15
  Vaidehi: It's harder to do Bumble BFF for them.
• 37:18
  Vaidehi: But, for girls, I think they're so open to meetups and networking events.
• 37:23
  Curry Badshah: Yeah,
• 37:24
  Vaidehi: things going on.
• 37:24
  Curry Badshah: Absolutely
• 37:26
  Vaidehi: and activities, and you eventually you find your community.
• 37:29
  Vaidehi: And I think that's the biggest thing that's happening with this probably r- rebound effect of the loneliness epidemic, male or female, it's, lot of it is turning into a lot of community building events, and there's so much out there.
• 37:41
  Vaidehi: So
• 37:41
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 37:42
  Vaidehi: having friends in the same space make a lot of sense.
• 37:45
  Vaidehi: becomes a game of, I don't even know, like, how to f- find time for everything afterwards'cause then never believe in"Oh yeah, my married friends don't do this." But it's know, they're still my friends.
• 37:58
  Vaidehi: We don't cancel our friends for that.
• 37:59
  Vaidehi: They all go through it.
• 38:00
  Vaidehi: My friends that have children, the first five years of their children's lives, I don't see them as much as often, and then they come out of the trenches too.
• 38:08
  Vaidehi: I've seen it happen.
• 38:09
  Curry Badshah: haven't, I haven't had that yet, but all my friends' kids are like one, two years old.
• 38:14
  Curry Badshah: Like the ones who are really close.
• 38:16
  Curry Badshah: I will say that I have a friend who has a three-year-old, and she's she's also a newer friend, but she's like really been there.
• 38:23
  Curry Badshah: She's able to actually really be present,.
• 38:26
  Curry Badshah: But it leads me to believe, I'm like,"Okay, so moms can do it.
• 38:29
  Curry Badshah: They can be a mom and a wife and do all of that stuff and play that part, but then also figure out how to be there for their friends." Like I I wouldn't even say I see her any more or less than a single friend.
• 38:46
  Curry Badshah: Like I, she's in my life and, the fact that she's got a three-year-old, I'm like...
• 38:50
  Curry Badshah: She's like,"I'm gonna bring the kid along." I'm like,"Great." That's great.
• 38:54
  Curry Badshah: Like, why not?
• 38:56
  Curry Badshah: Like I think-
• 38:57
  Vaidehi: Yeah, and everyone's like social, like being a weekend war- warrior or
• 39:03
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 39:04
  Vaidehi: social batteries are different lengths,
• 39:06
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, true
• 39:07
  Vaidehi: I do have some of my friends that are like,"I don't...
• 39:10
  Vaidehi: Nothing's changed.
• 39:10
  Vaidehi: We're still gonna go do all the same things.
• 39:12
  Vaidehi: We're gonna have my child at brunch." And I'm like,"Okay, cool.
• 39:15
  Vaidehi: This is what it looks like.
• 39:16
  Vaidehi: I am now feeding my niece or nephew and having a conversation with my friend, and
• 39:22
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 39:23
  Vaidehi: But it also there's so many...
• 39:25
  Vaidehi: What is it?
• 39:26
  Vaidehi: There's a lot of variables to it you can't control.
• 39:29
  Vaidehi: So it's like, do they have a partner that can help?
• 39:31
  Vaidehi: Do they have
• 39:31
  Curry Badshah: That's true.
• 39:32
  Vaidehi: D-
• 39:33
  Curry Badshah: That's very true.
• 39:34
  Vaidehi: it's like, I want you to raise my niece or nephew really well, so
• 39:37
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 39:37
  Vaidehi: If some of it means that you don't get to see me as much, that's cool.
• 39:42
  Vaidehi: if that also means that you get to see me in different ways, like we hang out on your couch, or you come over and we just stay in, and that's what
• 39:50
  Curry Badshah: That's the thing,
• 39:50
  Vaidehi: that after it's gonna be the same thing when we're in a relationship.
• 39:53
  Vaidehi: It's like the effort from both sides has to be the same of"I still choose you to be my friend.
• 39:58
  Vaidehi: I still choose you to be my partner." But and I, that's like the first five years might look really rosy in a relationship, but I feel like after that it's okay can we keep doing date nights like we used to?
• 40:09
  Vaidehi: Can we Doing trips like we used to?
• 40:11
  Vaidehi: It's like evolve as a partner, and
• 40:13
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 40:14
  Vaidehi: friends.
• 40:14
  Vaidehi: And I think the, the thing with friendship is like, unfortunately, one of my cousins always used to say,"Friends come and go." And that's true to some instant, but I w- I like to hold onto some of my really close friendships.
• 40:26
  Vaidehi: And they have evolved in different phases of my life
• 40:28
  Curry Badshah: I
• 40:28
  Vaidehi: and if it
• 40:29
  Curry Badshah: think the evolut-
• 40:29
  Vaidehi: doesn't work.
• 40:30
  Curry Badshah: yeah, I think the evolution of friendship is really...
• 40:32
  Curry Badshah: 'cause yeah, friends come and go, but also the real ones will evolve.
• 40:36
  Curry Badshah: And you'll be able to have those conversations of what it looks like now or be able to talk about those feelings of"Hey, I don't actually really get to see you." I've had a friend just be like,"Hey, I feel when I call you, you talk about you instead of asking me what's up." And I'm like,"I didn't realize I was doing that, nor did I mean to.
• 40:56
  Curry Badshah: I think I just talk about me and then assume you're gonna talk about you.
• 40:59
  Curry Badshah: But I now understand that you would like me to ask about you, and I can do that.
• 41:05
  Curry Badshah: I can do that." But it's also like that's such a, that can be such a daunting topic to broach, whereas there...
• 41:11
  Curry Badshah: some people will be able to do it, some people will just be like,"You know what?
• 41:14
  Curry Badshah: I don't like this.
• 41:14
  Curry Badshah: I don't like that every time I call Amrutha she's like that.
• 41:18
  Curry Badshah: I'm just gonna stop calling her." But before we wrap up, there was something that you did talk about really quickly that was just sticking in my mind that I wanted to talk about is even the...
• 41:26
  Curry Badshah: you were talking about divorced friends, like finding divorced community as well.
• 41:29
  Curry Badshah: And so I had a thought about how as two single women who have not even been divorced you and I have talked with Mohini Ghima on a panel before, who is a huge advocate about divorce.
• 41:41
  Curry Badshah: shout out, Mohini.
• 41:42
  Curry Badshah: I once had a conversation with her ab-
• 41:43
  Vaidehi: Mulkini
• 41:44
  Curry Badshah: yeah.
• 41:44
  Curry Badshah: I had a conversation with her about while divorce holds one kind of stigma, especially in the South Asian culture, I think not even being married to get to divorce to show that you've tried is also another weird level of judgment.
• 42:02
  Curry Badshah: I won't call it a stigma, but it's another weird level of judgment, and that's not even a South Asian judgment.
• 42:07
  Curry Badshah: That, I think that's just community at large.
• 42:09
  Curry Badshah: I think that's society at large just being like,"Oh, you got to this age and you didn't even try?
• 42:15
  Curry Badshah: There, there wasn't even...
• 42:16
  Curry Badshah: you didn't even get close?
• 42:17
  Curry Badshah: Have you ever been engaged?" And I'm like literally not even that." To get...
• 42:21
  Curry Badshah: I haven't.
• 42:23
  Curry Badshah: It's not, it's never gotten that far.
• 42:25
  Curry Badshah: Like-
• 42:25
  Vaidehi: my mental s- mental peace and space.
• 42:28
  Vaidehi: Yeah
• 42:28
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, and then the conversation that comes with that, and I guess like all of this to say shout out to all of the single women in their mid-30s or even beyond.
• 42:38
  Curry Badshah: You are not alone.
• 42:39
  Curry Badshah: Like that...
• 42:40
  Curry Badshah: The feelings are absolutely valid, and then that like, that judgment of"Yeah I didn't get...
• 42:46
  Curry Badshah: I haven't even gotten close to where like somebody put a ring on my finger and then I broke it off.
• 42:51
  Curry Badshah: I haven't even gotten to that point where like I even married someone and then divorced them realizing my own happiness." We're just, we've just been rocking that space of"Nope, not this guy, not that guy," or just living our best life and just until finally one day we just go,"Actually, you know what?
• 43:07
  Curry Badshah: This best life would be better with a person.
• 43:10
  Curry Badshah: Maybe I make that effort."
• 43:12
  Vaidehi: Absolutely.
• 43:13
  Vaidehi: I mean I guess this is what happens when you just do stuff and you don't really you shut out.
• 43:20
  Curry Badshah: You don't do it
• 43:21
  Vaidehi: the greatest about, be a little bit more careful about the noise, and sometimes I just zone it out, for my parents' sake, I probably should.
• 43:28
  Vaidehi: But I think I always, in the last couple years, in my 30s, I've been like, I think I avoided my first divorce.
• 43:33
  Vaidehi: What I was looking for in my 20s and I thought I would've been with, I would've def- it would've, I would've been miserable today, I In hindsight it's always 20/20, but I never actually thought about the opposite side of that perspective and how you could somehow be now a failure'cause you're not divorced.
• 43:50
  Vaidehi: I hear more, though, that you've never been engaged, or you...
• 43:54
  Vaidehi: i've had my situationships or flings, but I've never really had an actual relationship, It's like, I get a lot of"You've never really had a true boyfriend?" And I'm like,"No,"'cause a real man hasn't showed up
• 44:05
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 44:06
  Curry Badshah: Girl, preach.
• 44:07
  Curry Badshah: My quote"real relationships" were when I'm, I was in my 20s, and I don't count them.
• 44:12
  Curry Badshah: She was a child.
• 44:13
  Curry Badshah: She was a child.
• 44:14
  Curry Badshah: Frontal lobe was not developed.
• 44:16
  Curry Badshah: The closest thing I will my college boyfriend was like,"You're the one.
• 44:20
  Curry Badshah: I'm gonna marry you.
• 44:21
  Curry Badshah: This is how our life is gonna go." I don't know about you, but Bollywood and your pehla pyaar and y- that first boyfriend, that whole thing, you think you think and you hope"Oh, my gosh, I'm gonna marry this guy," until in my case, where then all of a sudden some realizations started kicking in.
• 44:38
  Curry Badshah: And then, of course, we we're not together.
• 44:41
  Curry Badshah: And that's probably the closest I got.
• 44:43
  Curry Badshah: But yeah, I also have not had a true serious boyfriend in the past five years.
• 44:49
  Curry Badshah: And I even think the person that I was, like, three years ago is different than the person that I am today.
• 44:54
  Curry Badshah: And only growth and better development here to where standing my ground and putting 10 toes in, saying that I know what kind of person I want, and I know what concessions I'm willing to make.
• 45:05
  Curry Badshah: And so until, until all the, all those pieces line up I'm not making any concessions unless all the other correct things are in place with that person.
• 45:16
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, we're just in a better space for that.
• 45:18
  Curry Badshah: Dating in your 30s or late 30s definitely has its own perks.
• 45:23
  Curry Badshah: It's mid, your mid to late 30s has its own perks, especially if you have been dating before or have even had situationships or just dealt with partners of various magnitudes in general.
• 45:35
  Curry Badshah: It has its own pros to it'cause you develop yourself better and can make better choices.
• 45:43
  Curry Badshah: But
• 45:44
  Vaidehi: I think,
• 45:45
  Curry Badshah: any final words, any last things to say to our girlies and guys out there who are single and waiting?
• 45:55
  Curry Badshah: Or single and mourning?
• 46:00
  Vaidehi: Grieving, happy.
• 46:02
  Vaidehi: I think enjoy it.
• 46:02
  Vaidehi: Life is...
• 46:03
  Vaidehi: I think we forgot that life is just too short in all aspects.
• 46:06
  Vaidehi: Waiting for anything in life can take a very long time, and just take it as a journey to get to the other side and enjoy it because you don't wanna ever look back and say,"I w-" I think about it sometimes and I think I wasted some of my hottest years not enjoying my life or
• 46:21
  Curry Badshah: Girl.
• 46:22
  Vaidehi: the world.
• 46:22
  Curry Badshah: Yeah
• 46:23
  Vaidehi: don't lose out on life because you haven't found your partner.
• 46:27
  Vaidehi: Gonna mean so much more when you do
• 46:29
  Curry Badshah: Yeah.
• 46:30
  Vaidehi: today it's a partner, tomorrow it might be looking for a job or looking for a house or having a child.
• 46:35
  Vaidehi: There's always gonna be things in your life that you would want to work out, and right now it seems like dating is the biggest crux of, wanting fall- things to fall into place.
• 46:44
  Vaidehi: But if other things fall into place, then pretty grounded that this also should too
• 46:50
  Curry Badshah: Yeah, I love that.
• 46:52
  Curry Badshah: Thank you, Vaidehi, for being here and chatting with me, and we truly just went like let the gates open and see where things fall, and I loved it
• 47:00
  Vaidehi: I love our conversations, Amrutha.
• 47:01
  Vaidehi: Thanks so much for having me on your podcast.
• 47:04
  Vaidehi: I
• 47:04
  Curry Badshah: of course.
• 47:05
  Curry Badshah: For everyone who wants to li-
• 47:06
  Vaidehi: goes
• 47:06
  Curry Badshah: yeah, for everyone who wants to listen to more of Vaidehi and what she has to say, follow her lifeofvaidehi on Instagram, and her podcast is called Chai Chemistry.
• 47:17
  Curry Badshah: So go give it a follow.
• 47:19
  Curry Badshah: There are some episodes on Spotify, but right now s- season two is on YouTube, right?
• 47:24
  Vaidehi: YouTube.
• 47:24
  Curry Badshah: YouTube podcast.
• 47:26
  Curry Badshah: Amazing.
• 47:28
  Curry Badshah: Thanks, Vaidehi, and
• 47:29
  Vaidehi: Amrutha
• 47:30
  Curry Badshah: talk to you all soon on the next one
• 47:33
  Vaidehi: Cheers.