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Transcript

S3 Ep22: Fluffy Unleashed: Greatest Hits 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Next thing I know, Snoop reaches under the desk and he pulls out the biggest blood I have ever seen.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, this sucker was huge.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: As soon as he pulled out that freaking blood, I got excited because I wanted to grab my cell phone.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: Okay?
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: I wanted to grab my cell phone so that I could take a selfie of Snoop in the background being Snoop.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_03: So while I'm fumbling trying to get my phone, Snoop starts talking to me again.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yo, Big Fluff.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: Hit that while I hit this.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_03: The second I went like that, all of the cameras in the room, red light, red light, red light, red light, red light.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_03: My publicist is like, no! My son is like, yeah.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: And now I'm being faced, bro, I'm being faced with a serious situation because you know, I've talked about friends participating and doing stuff like this, but I've never openly talked about myself, you know.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: And now I realize that from this moment forward, people are gonna know what happened here with Snoop.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: So I started trying to find ways to justify it to myself.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_03: If you're gonna do something like this on camera, you want it to be with Snoop.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_03: You want it to be with Snoop, Chichin Chong, or Willie Nelson.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_03: Next thing I know, the manager hands me a lighter, I light it, and I take a big hit.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: So listen, I'm doing my best to hold in all this smoke because I don't want to look like a punk in front of Snoop Dogg.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'm trying, I'm fighting, bro, it's hard, you know.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: The whole time Snoop is like, hell yeah.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I'm saying.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_03: Fluffy going puffy today.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_03: I do not remember the rest of the interview.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_03: What I remember is my buddy Anthony telling Snoop Dogg and I to stand up for a picture.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_03: Stand up, get up for a picture.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: And so Snoop and I both stand up to take this picture.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_03: I put my arm around him.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I have to put my arm around him because he's much taller than me, okay?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: Snoop has me by at least five inches.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_03: Shut up, are you doing that?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: You guys are laughing at the wrong jokes.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_03: For me to know that I'm gonna have a good experience at a taco truck.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: I always researched and I look to see who's running the truck.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: For me to know that I'm gonna have a good time.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: I wanna make sure that it's an all-female crew.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: Not to sound sexist, it's just that when it's all women running the truck, they make me feel good about myself.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: They make me feel special.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: When I walk up at one o'clock in the morning and I have a buzz, they make me feel good.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: Hello, they come to the window.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: Hola, mi gordito, come?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_03: I bet I bet oh, ojitos, ojitos.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like a kid.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, can I have a taco?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever you want me to get.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_03: Now, see, when it's an all-Mexican male crew running the truck, it's late, they're tired, they're bitter.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: Customer service isn't our strongest point at one o'clock in the morning, and then you gotta deal with a drunk knucklehead like me.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Hello!
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_03: And they come to the window.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: What you want?
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: What you want?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, what's up, bro?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Can I have a taco?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, what else?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_03: Ah, even a word, but you know exactly what he just told you.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: For some reason, Mexican people and only Mexican people have this sound that comes out of us that can just discredit anything you put in front of it.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't matter what it is, we can kill it with that sound.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_03: I just graduated from college, top of my class.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: Fine, I'll work at Burger King.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_03: Puppy, this is my fiance.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: He loves me.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: Fine, I'll be a whore.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_03: And speaking of whores, let me tell you where they put us up at.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_03: That's a bad segue.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_03: I go to a comedy show every now and then alone.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_03: Now, I don't know if that sounds weird to you guys, but for me to do anything nowadays by myself, it's my crew, all the people that work for me, they freak out when I go places because they're always concerned for my safety.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_03: You know, what if someone tries to kidnap you?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_03: Well, they're gonna earn it.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: I got into a fight with some of my team members, and I says, you know what, I'm just I'm going out.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: I bought myself a ticket and I went to go watch Chris Rock one night in concert.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: Now, I says, you know what?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe I can make my way backstage, and I don't know, if I get lucky, maybe I'll say hi to him.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_03: I've always wanted to meet him.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_03: So I go to the side of the stage and I run into security and I said, Hey! He looked at me and said, Fluffy! And when he did that, I said, Hey, listen, I forgot my keys, I'll be right back.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: And the guy's like, Yeah, keep going, get your keys, get your keys, get your keys.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh my god, that shit worked.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_03: Just like that, I snuck backstage at a Chris Rock concert.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_03: Once I was behind the curtain, I was in my element.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_03: I knew where everything was.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_03: I knew where the food was, I knew where the dressing rooms were, where the bathrooms were.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'm walking around with a soda, people are coming up to me.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we didn't know you were gonna be here.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: I got a call last minute.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_03: Looking for my keys.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: I says, you know what?
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_03: I got this far.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna push it.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_03: I wanna meet him.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_03: I've always wanted to meet Chris Rock.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_03: It was not hard.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_03: Once I was back there, I just had to go to the dressing rooms.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_03: All I had to do was read the name on the door.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_03: I'm standing there in front of the door and I'm hyperventilating.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_03: The door opens up, and there's this man in there, this bodyguard who's just massive.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a big guy, but damn, dude was huge.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_03: As soon as he opened the door, just welcome to Jurassic.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: Bang! Grandate.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm standing there and I'm like, hi, and he's like, Can it help you?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, my name is Gabriel, I'm a comedian, and I wanted to see if I could say hi to Chris Rock, if that's possible.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: You say you're a comedian?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, then you understand Chris is going over his material right now, and he really ain't trying to talk to nobody.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_03: So I'll tell you what, player, if you want to come by after the show, you're more than welcome to, but right now, it's not a good time.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Chris Rock is a busy man.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_03: Can I wave?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse me.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_03: Can I wave?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: What you mean?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_03: Can I wave it, Chris?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_03: I don't have to come in.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: Can I wave?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_03: Chris Rock is in the room.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_03: He can hear the stupid conversation that's taking place.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_03: I know this because I can hear Chris Rock in the background.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_03: What's going on?
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_03: Who's at the door?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_03: Move out the way.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yo, Chris, I got this man.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: I got this.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: Move! Alright.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_03: The guy stands to the side, and now I'm looking at Chris Rock.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_03: And he recognized me.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_03: And it freaked me out.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, it freaked me out.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, ah shit.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_03: Look who it is.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: Look who it is.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_03: It's the king of the Mexicans.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_03: We all have our trying to get a good job voice.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: When you walk in for that interview, you don't sound the way you sound on a Saturday night when you're having a couple drinks.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: You clean it up, you practice in the car, and when you walk in, you turn it on.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_03: If you'll check my references, you'll see I'm more than qualified for this position.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_03: Please feel free to call Frank Torres.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_03: Frank will tell you the amazing job I did for him two and a half weeks ago.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_03: Listen, I'm ready to work seven days a week, 365 days a year.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: No job is too big, no task is too small.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: You can count on me.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_03: I'm the right person for the job.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_03: Please keep me in mind.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you so much for your time.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then you get to the parking lot, and then you get to the parking lot and you're like, no, no, take a wrong way, man.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: No, I need a yab, man.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: I need a yab.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_03: You guys know we all have our daytime voice that we have around our family and our friends and our children, you know.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_03: And then we have our late night voice, you know, our party voice.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: And then if you're lucky enough, you have your late, late, late night voice.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even know what's about to happen.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta get on the phone.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: Some of you are looking at me like, oh my god, Fluffy's a freak.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just giving it an example.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_03: All the kids are like, oh, this is different.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry, because I see those kids, and they're just like,