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The Self-Worth Secret That Changes Everything with Mike McDonald · Let's Get Naked

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: Hey everyone, I'm Anne, and this is Let's Get Naked, the show where we expose the patterns, challenge the stories, and share the cheat codes that make life a whole lot easier.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_03: We spend a lot of our lives trying to fix symptoms.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: The weight, the relationship, the confidence, the anxiety, the job, the bank account.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: But what if the real issue isn't any of those things?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_03: What if the struggle is that somewhere along the way we stopped being ourselves and started becoming who we thought we were supposed to be?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: Because it's hard to be healthy when you're performing.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's hard to be connected when you're hiding.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: And it's hard to feel enough when you're measuring your life against someone else's scoreboard.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: Today isn't really about fitness.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_03: It's about identity.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: It's about the conversations we avoid, the expectations we carry.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: And what happens when we finally stop asking, who should I be?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: and start asking, who am I?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: Let's get into it.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_03: Today I'm stripping it all off with Mike McDonald.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_03: Mike is a wellness mindset and lifestyle coach, and I am looking forward to having our conversation today.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to the show, Mike.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, thank you.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: So uh for everyone, a little background, Mike and I met uh not that long ago, a couple weeks ago.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: I uh Casey stumbled upon a post where he was doing a community event in the park that he does every week on Sunday evenings in the Phoenix area, and um just brings out a bunch of games.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_03: And, you know, me and brother and husband and kiddo pulled up and just, you know, bestie and all of that, and had so much fun playing liffle ball and just getting bare feet in the grass and connecting with other human beings.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_03: And so I love the work that he does as it relates to that, and we'll talk more about that in the show.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: But I just wanted to kind of give a little bit of history of how we met because I just think you're such a beautiful light in this in this world that needs more beautiful lights.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: So, yeah, so welcome.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: Will you um yeah, tell us tell us a little bit about yourself and we'll kind of dive in from there, but you kind of give us a little bit of a rundown of who you are and you know, where you are you came from, what you do, and like what lights your fire a little bit.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, my name is Mike McDonald.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I am from Boston, Massachusetts.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: But to be specific, Oxford, Massachusetts is my hometown.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to all the Oxford people.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I moved here when I was 18 uh to go to college at ASU.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And my I was actually arrested when I was 15 years old.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: And this is I have to just give a little bit of backstory here because when I was arrested when I was 15, I was in the back of the cop car and I was like, I'm gonna become a police officer.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: It was my sophomore year high school.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I'm gonna be a cop.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I want to do that.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I gotta turn my life around real fast.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so I applied to a bunch of colleges uh back east, and then these two friends of mine, one of them visited her dad, who lived in surprise.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: They were divorced, so we moved away, and she went to go visit him in surprise.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Came back as we're all looking for colleges and goes, guys, you should see this college.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Arizona State University.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like it's a whole new world over there.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And we all looked at it, and I'm like, I could get the out of this place right now.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I would love to.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: I need to get out of here.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna start crumbling like I have been.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And we all applied and we all got in and we made it a pact to like, let's get out of here and go there.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I moved to Arizona.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: But that was my intention was to become a police officer.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So my degree is in criminal criminology and criminal justice.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: Nice.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I graduated.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: I got lucky.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: I got a I got hired on with the San Diego Police Department.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they only they take 30, or is it 30 out of a thousand applicants?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I got I was just like, I have to go, of course.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm only 21, 22 years old.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: I love it, got that young punk.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Moved to San Diego, loved it, but after like a year, I'm like, what am I doing?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Smoking cigarettes, wasn't even exercising.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Life was just like in shambles, even though I had my career.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, dude, I don't want to be here anymore.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: I literally just quit one day.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: I literally put my gun, my badge, put everything in the locker, just left.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And when I quit on a Monday, I was back working at my bartending job that I left originally in college on a Friday.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I figured out what I wanted to do, and I wanted to be a personal trainer.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then within within like six months, I was in a car accident.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I was hit by a drunk driver.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: I broke my left hip, I had four broken ribs, punctured right lung, and I tore my left forearm and tricep.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a tough thing to deal with because I'm studying for my certification to be a personal trainer during that time frame.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to put all that, all that aside, just recovered myself.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: That was a huge catalyst for my life, and I'll get into that for a whole different conversation.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Started personal training in 2016 and haven't looked back since.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: I started my own business.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, my business is called Butts and Donuts.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_03: Butts and Donuts, I love it.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I started that in 2000, late 2018.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I've been personal training since 2016, so a little over 10 years now.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've never looked back, and I love, I love working for myself.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: I I love the component of like working with all of the different people as they're wanting to do better for themselves.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I know from both speaking to you a little bit and also your questionnaire about how important it is for you, not just from the physical aspect of it, but really what you help other people realize about themselves on the mental and the emotional side, not just the physical side of that.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that that's really powerful.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, because eventually over the years, you have all these great transformations.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I used to pride myself on before and afters because people want results.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I get that.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: But they hate themselves more.
• 5:53
  unknown: Yeah.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, what is going on here?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel good anymore.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't, I don't feel that, that, that spark to want to do what I do anymore.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not that I hate what I do, it's my perspective around it and my intentions around it and what I'm getting back for feedback.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't know how to do anything different until I start just trying different things.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's it can be as simple as just doing something the complete opposite.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Seeing what you get back.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that all started actually through me of like reparenting myself through my clients.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I realized I was getting pissed off at them real, real fast all the time.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: They weren't doing what I asked them to do, showing up late, doing all these things.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Until I realized I'm like, again, it's not the job that's the issue.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's my perspective around it.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I have control over that if I want to.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: So let's do something different here.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: This might sound weird.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just keep our mouth closed.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And only share if it's positive or it's something needed to feel for critique ish.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I just didn't want to critique and do all these things because that's what I was told in sports and in high school, middle school, playing sports, my dad, not a mean guy, but like he wouldn't say anything unless it was critique.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, knees out.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Why'd you do that?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Why'd you do that?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: If I score a touchdown and there's nothing said because you're expected to do well.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So then what does Mike do to his clients?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're expected to do well.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: When you don't do something correct, I'm going to correct you.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then you feel unworthy.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: You feel like something's always wrong all the time.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I can see it in my clients.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I can see it in their mannerisms and their energy.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Until I'm like, Mike, just do something different one time.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that is, hey, good job.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Good fucking job.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, great job.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Keep it up.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, great job.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like just constantly, like, yes, we can tweak and do these things.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: But let's just see what we get back for feedback from these people when we start doing something different.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And you can see it, their eyes light up, they start to feel more empowered.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, their pain and things kind of went away because we're not focused so much on the shit we don't like.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: We start to focus on the things we're good at.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then we're all of a sudden we're like, oh, okay.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm realizing through that, I'm helping myself.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm repairing, I'm giving myself something that I never received at an early age.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I guarantee most of my clients and we all bleed the same kind of things in our life, they probably didn't receive as much as well.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to see how it feels like to get them to give that back to them, which is really me giving back to myself.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been beautiful ever since.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because I constantly keep learning through my clients year after year, instead of being like this old guy who just can't teach an old dog new tricks.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: So after 10 years, I know a lot about myself and other people.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's really powerful when you realize the mirror concept.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_03: I think it really advances you in this life.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we were talking before we started recording about how I believe that the the life is like a game, you know, and if you treat it that way, uh God, you could just go anywhere.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_03: You could do anything you want because it's like this shitty mindset that a lot of people have.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_03: That's what holds you back.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and when you're talking about just try something different, don't keep doing the same thing.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you see these people, and I think that's probably where a lot of people come to you as well is like, you know, they're doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for different results and then beating themselves up because they weren't successful in getting something different to come out of the exact same actions.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, no, we just have it wrong upstairs, and we need to tweak that and figure out how to tweak that.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_03: Um, do you feel like you always like when you first started working out with people, do you feel like it was more physical at the beginning and then it just kind of turned into this where you're realizing that you're learning from them and all of that?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was strictly physical at the beginning because my life was strictly physical.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: It was all vanity.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was a bodybuilder, I did three shows before.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, my physique looked great, right?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: But again, you just realize there's more to it.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't want to just count reps, and not everyone that walks through a door is an athlete that can move so easily.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: So then you start wondering, like, shit, I can't just do squats with this person.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: I can't, they need a lot of other things.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of me, this used to be a problem back in the day.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of me just being like, ah, I can't do this for you, go see somebody else.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'll figure it out.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'll figure it out.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll figure it out better than those people that actually are in their vocations because I give a shit.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: A real shit.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like deeply.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: I will figure out stuff that your chiropractors know, that things know that I get it.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's out of my my scope of practice, sure.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: But I can put my hands on you.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know how bodies are, I know where muscles and ligaments and tendons and all those things are.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I can feel energy and movements.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I can help you out, even though when I first started, it's like an imposter syndrome thing, because I'm only a personal trainer.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: I can't do anything else.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: Isn't that funny?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_03: We put ourselves in boxes that it's like, God, it's horrible.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, until I started realizing You can do anything.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: You can do a lot of different things.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: I do like 12 different things.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: So when people sign up with me, I let them know.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of clients they won't show up sometimes because they don't feel well or they don't want to exercise because they think that's all we're gonna do.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: When I say to them, when we have days like that, sometimes we just go for a walk.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sometimes we just go stretch in the corner, we do some breath work meditation.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we just sit in the office the whole time because I have a couch just like this, same green color.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: We just sit down and shoot the shit.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because as they sit down on my couch and start talking so much, I'm like, oh, we ain't working out today.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll wait for them to say, like, okay, I'm down, I'm ready to go up and start moving once we process some things and work through some stuff.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just I saw it right away.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I just knew something was like missing.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: If I keep going this way, I'm not gonna like what I do because I'm starting to not like it anymore.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, let's see what helping people out internally does, because it's really a reflection of me helping myself out internally, which is why I wanted to bleed that onto other people.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see what sticks.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and you know that like how much work you do on yourself, the better you feel, the better you are for you, the better you are for the collective, right?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_03: And then you want to share it with everybody.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like I'm in the exact same boat.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's like the more that I work on myself, the more that I realize that that bleeds out to everything else.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, and so I'm addicted to it.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_03: I'm addicted to like sharing the knowledge with other people about that they can do that.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: That's why every person that comes and sits on this couch is like wildly different in all sorts of aspects and areas of life, but it's all the same stuff of you know, sharing with the listener, you have the power to make those changes.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_03: If you're in this, in this, you know, mediocre hamster wheel of just triaging your life and feeling like, is this everything?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_03: It's not.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's not everything.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, there's so much more to it.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And even like when I first started learning all these new things and wanting to share so much, um, it can be a slippery slope of forcing things on people now, because it's like just how we do our things in life, it's still just a way of doing things in life.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: I can't say that my ways are better than anyone else's ways.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I can fall into the same categories of those other people I talk shit about about like, why are you forcing this on me?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because I might be saying the same things like, do this, don't do that.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I literally just did a post on this yesterday about it's supposed to be a certain way.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's not supposed to be any type of way.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I even heard from a client the other day, you know, we put these gurus on these pedestals of like, do we even listen to the words that come out of their mouth?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because the words are what matter, not the person.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: If I see you and I have this expectation or this, like, you're up here to me, I might miss everything that you're actually saying.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm just like, everything you're saying is perfect, it's great.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Versus using your discretion and intuition to see, like, does that does that feel okay for you?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because someone said, like, after a certain age, you're not supposed to ever do this.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I don't care what you input after that, after a certain age or before a certain age, never this, only this.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like those concrete statements.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Those have some type of like judgment or attachment to like, if you don't do that, then this is gonna happen.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's fear-based.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: But we don't want people doing things based off of like, well, if I don't do this, I'm gonna be this.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: Well, everything is so rooted in fear that it's hard not to come from that place, you know.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_03: And I feel like I'm fighting, I feel like I'm swimming upstream trying to help people like understand.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_03: There are so many things that are fear-based, and also I know what it is like to live in fear.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: And I made a commitment to myself a couple of years ago, um, I will not live in fear.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_03: And whenever I feel it creeping in, I say that out loud sometimes, in my head, sometimes, whatever it takes.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_03: I will not live in fear.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_03: I like just rooted in fear because all of the things that get down to it are rooted in fear.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: When you what when you if you notice fear, do you can you feel it in your body?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: And if so, do you have a certain location or uh a place that you feel it in, if you ever do?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's interesting because it's not always the same place.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's not always the same place.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_03: But I do, I I know sometimes I feel it in my in my sides, one side or the other, right?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_03: I'll feel it in my hip or I'll feel it other places.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, you can definitely feel it.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: And it's generally tied to what it is that you're, you know, where it's rooted in, whether it's rejection or a fear of abandonment or fear of, you know, the self-worth thing is really huge to me.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: I had until a couple of years ago where I couldn't even say I am enough without starting to cry and get emotional about it, right?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: Because it's like when you miss that component growing up, which I think a lot of us did, nothing against our parents.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_03: They did the best that they could, and I'm happy to show grace to all of that, but it doesn't take away the fact that we still didn't get what we needed as humans to feel like we were enough.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and so that self-worth component comes in.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I think you probably deal with that on the front lines with people of on the fitness, on the mental, on the emotional, and all of the things that you deal with with people in wanting to be better is just how do you fill that hole?
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: How do you fill that gap, you know?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like uh people's worth.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh let me just speak for my sense.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh my my self-worth used to be attached to everything else besides myself.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: So the job, the money, the business, the clients, the relationships, the family.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: If those things weren't in check or whatever it was, whatever I thought it was supposed to be, and that word supposed to keeps coming back for me.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna tie that into maybe this worth thing of yoga did help in this.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a 200-down yoga teacher instructor as well.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the verbiage we used to hear a lot was, you know, we are worthy exactly as we are without anything outside of us.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I can attribute this to attributes I used to have as a young kid, but they were like rude, they were mean, they were nasty, but they were like, I know who the fuck I am right now.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need anyone to tell me different.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: But that was like that, like, no hyper independence type of mic.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Which knowing who I am and trialing and error, bunch of doing a bunch of shit, fucking up.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, try, but knowing that like I know what I'm doing and I'm gonna try this out, and nothing outside of me is gonna take that from me.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that was kind of like rude at the beginning of like, no one tell me how to do things until as I got older, moved to Arizona.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I will say the shift of environments made it so much easier for me to step into who I am because I didn't have so much noise back east.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's loud and everyone tells you how to live.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: And when you take yourself away from that, you start to realize like you can find out who you are now because no one's clouding that thought process for you.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like this we attach our worth to like how things are supposed to be versus like how they are right now.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like the we so easily take ourselves out of the present moment immediately.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: A hundred percent.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Immediately.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: And we can see it even in the clients, I train her people.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: They start moving, they start looking around, like you're already taken out, you're already looking around.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we have to just keep going back to ourselves, and that's where all that stuff is.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it takes, it takes effort, I'm sure.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_03: It does.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing is that I want people to like realize about finding self-worth or finding whatever they're trying to find they think they don't have.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be hard.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: We uh we we think things are supposed to be hard.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about this at coffee the other day.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm gonna work out hard, I'm gonna study hard, I'm gonna, it's good, it's gonna be hard.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna take a long time.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, then it then it will.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sure.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want it to go that way?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Then stop saying that.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like we have such power in the words we say.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it can be as simple as, well, it's not that it can be as simple, it doesn't always mean easy, of just rewiring what you say sometimes, just catching yourself.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: How do I feel when I say that sometimes?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: My body gets a little like do you have to notice how we feel?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because that's what makes us shift some sometimes.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um and practice, yeah, repetitions.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, a lot of a lot of a lot of things take us out of our bodies.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_03: You know, being in the present, I think, is a really powerful thing to circle back on because it is very much embodying what it is that you're living.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I think being in tune with what's happening in your body is the most important thing.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: And I didn't know that for a long time.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: I was very out of touch with stuff, but everything that you're saying resonates with me when it's like the shoulds, it's like, mm-mm, throw it, throw the shoulds out.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: That there's no rules, right?
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_03: There's no rules in this life.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: Um, be a good person, right?
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like my husband always says, um, don't be a dick and and uh pay attention and don't be a dick.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_03: There's just two rules, you know, pay attention and don't be a dick.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_03: And uh, and and I think largely it kind of comes down to those things, you know, when it comes down to it.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's like just take care of yourself.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_03: Figure out inside of you what you need to uh love on yourself if you don't feel like enough, figure out how to do that.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like we are, you have everything you need in your four walls to be worthy and to to be enough and to all of the things.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_03: We just have all of this societal conditioning and programming that takes you out of that, that takes you out of your body, that takes you out of being present, that takes you away from your own knowing, you know, and I think that that's where the the fear and the the all of those things are rooted.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, because we have so many distractions, right?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like I even notice it myself, and I'm pretty damn good at focusing on my distractions.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: But that phone has one job to keep your eyes on it, right?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter if it's good stuff.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, this is stuff I'm gonna buy, I'm gonna do these, like this is thank you for giving me this information.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: It needs you to keep your eyes on that screen, and that's just gonna take you away from yourself.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we've fallen into not allowing ourselves to be bored.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the last six months of my life have been like flipped upside down in kind of what I perceive it as is forcing me into boredom.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's where all the stuff is.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: The reason why we don't want to be present is because it's gonna bring up shit we have that we haven't dealt with and don't want to deal with.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: So then we easily just go, like, nah, maybe tomorrow.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh clicker, TV, remote.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go watch this, or go distract, go do something else.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I even say to this for people, it's not even, and this is my own experience, it's not about trying to fix the thing.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's about noticing the thing.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then if we don't do it, that's okay.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's just we're gonna keep wrapping ourselves in loops when we don't do it, if we have this expectation or we're supposed to fix our stuff, versus just you have to start to become aware of things first and then still make your shitty choices.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: And not talk shit to yourself after and just be like, okay.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_03: That's step one.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: I have more information to move to my next experience when it comes forward, which it will because it's a pattern.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So get ready.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to think about when it's gonna come, it's going to come.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: So when it comes, you'll notice it because it feels familiar.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then even though you have these choices now, because now you have choice now, now it's not just this like un what is it called?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: What's the word I'm looking for?
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, unconscious like thoughts.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: They're conscious now.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you'll still have some some subconscious junk, but now you now you when people know they have choices, it's much different life of living.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then you see what that choice gives you back for feedback.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's worse, maybe it's better.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: But until those people realize like you don't have to go over there.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Stop thinking you have to go over there.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're tired of your shit.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Wait until you feel like you're just going to move over there because you're so tired over here.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: This feels like it's not a struggle to move over there.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, okay, this is.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know what I'm going to get over here now because I've done it for so long.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to get it.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: I might as well see what this looks like over here and see what that gives me.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_03: The self-awareness component of it, or just the awareness component of the of what's happening, is really savagely important because what you're talking about is you don't have to fix anything.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: Just open your eyes.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_03: Just be willing to open your eyes to stuff.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_03: Because I was talking with someone this past week about, you know, patterns.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_03: And when you start realizing and you start recognizing that you're doing them, it's almost like a carousel that's going around, right?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, oh, you're looking for that one horse.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_03: And you see that one horse, and it's like, oh, shit, I didn't get it that time.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you're trying to grab onto it as it goes around.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, oh, I didn't get it that time.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_03: But it was way up here when I realized, oh, here's where it passed.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_03: Next time it's going to be a little bit closer when it passes, and you're like, oh shit, I didn't get it, but it's right there.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: And then you get to the point where it's passed enough times where you're like, I'm ready for it this time.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: I know what to look for.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: And then when you do, then you can take action, whatever that looks like.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_03: And so, but if you're not willing to open your eyes and be self-aware about it, you'll never see the patterns, you'll never be able to make the changes.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's when people talk to you about the things that they have going on in their life, it's like I keep attracting narcissistic partners.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just using that as an example, right?
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, what's the common denominator, sis?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like take people want to hear that.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: They don't want to, but it's like that's where the power lives.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's what's always so crazy to me.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's like you want to play the victim and you want to act like you don't have control over that, but that's where the power lives.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: There's no, there's no power in victimhood.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're gonna say like life is just happening to you instead of for you, then you're gonna get exactly what and until people realize, and this is hard because we don't want to invalidate someone who might have had a really bad experience with somebody else.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: I even had this conversation before with somebody, and and like you said, mirror.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a mirror.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna show you parts of yourself that you like and you don't like.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's as simple as that.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: We attract things we don't like as much as we don't want to say that, and we attract things we do like, and vice versa.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Everything outside of us is a reflection of ourselves.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: And the minute we put power into something else, oh, that happened to me.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we can still say, hey, what that person did to me wasn't right, and still own the fact of, well, I did have this intuition I didn't really listen to beforehand that made me kind of like put some red flags up.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: But them owning that means they have to own that and means like that's part of their responsibility of what happened next.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: It but that doesn't take away from the fact that what someone did isn't right.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: But people can't focus on themselves, so they keep pointing the finger on, well, that person did this, and then next relationship, that person did this until they realize the common denonomer is myself.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: What am I noticing about myself?
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: What am I putting out there?
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean what I'm doing is wrong or right.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's just notice, just get curious.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_03: Like the curious, the curiosity over judgmental, being judgmental of yourself is so big.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_03: I think, you know, I've talked to so many people who are like, how do I stop being judgmental of other people?
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_03: Because being judgmental is gross.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_03: And people don't want to do it.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_03: Largely, I think they just don't know how to stop it.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_03: And the problem is you have to have compassion for yourself.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: And as soon as you do that and come from a place of curiosity and instead of judgment for yourself, the rest of it just falls away.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_03: I tried for years to not be judgmental.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I, and it was an inside job.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_03: And once I realized that and started not judging myself and showing myself grace, it made it, I don't, it made it so that it isn't even a thing.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_03: It's not even a thing anymore.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't even register to me.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_03: When I see somebody that I disagree with, I do this whole thing that uh, you know, this lovely woman Connie taught me about.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, she says, you know, when you're looking at the forest, everyone's just a different tree.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_03: So when she sees somebody, it's just tree.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_03: You just say that.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, it doesn't matter that someone looks completely different or is acting completely different or isn't your vibe or whatever.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's like tree.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_03: I don't need to judge them.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know what they carry.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody's carrying something different.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um, the other thing I want to say about power that you were talking about, when people say, like, you know, their power, somebody took their power, it's like, boss, power is not taken.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_03: Power is given.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_03: No one comes and takes my power.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_03: I have to make the decision to give it, to, you know, give it away.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_03: And once you realize that, that's big.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's like that's really big.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's it's a felt sense.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like all these things we think we don't have, we come from lack.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: They've never left us.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: We just we forgot them.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: We we have to remember those things.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you just said something.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: I had a great thing you said about that.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: What did you just say a second ago?
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Power.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: Bring me back.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, maybe.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or or maybe whenever I get sticky like that, I'm like, move on.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_03: Move on.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_03: Well, if it comes.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, this is what it was.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like whenever I go to edit my videos after I did this yesterday in the video I posted, I'll hear myself back.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll hear the judgment.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'll hear like the, well, it they should have said this instead.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I'm that same fucking person.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's just done differently.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: Same fucking thing.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it's funny when I go back to edit my videos and I just, I just snip at that, I just delete that.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, it still flows beautifully, just well like that.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, I care how the words hit people, those words matter a lot.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: They're gonna either push you a certain way that you have to go this way, or give you freedom and choice of like, oh, that's an option I can choose now.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that's powerful, actually, to have choice.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_03: It is to have choice and to realize that your choices, your small choices, build up to be whatever your life is, and understanding that those are yours to make.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it was.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: You don't get in life what you want, you get in life what you are.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you said, you know, to give that power away, to to to bleed these things onto other people really comes back to self.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, if we wanna, if we wanted people to listen to us more, why are we over talking people?
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: If we want to be loved more, why are we conditionally loving only certain people?
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: All these things that we want, we're not giving.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: So don't expect it to be a felt sense you're gonna receive in your life.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Until you start doing that.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that was one of the things, instead of me wanting, like, why aren't people, why aren't clients doing this, or why aren't people doing that, or my relationships are like this, until it's like, yeah, well, what the fuck have you been doing?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh, ooh, okay.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's hard to take the medicine.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: So then I'm gonna start doing these things, seeing what they give me for reflections and how I feel.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden, guess what?
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: You start getting it back in return.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: And even if, here's the kicker.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: Even if I don't get it back in return, I'm going to still keep doing it.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not doing it for the expectation of a result.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing it because it feels good and this is who I am.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_03: I got tired of watching people drag themselves through life half dead from exhaustion, comparison, and bullshit.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_03: So I built a system that flips the script.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_03: This book is for the ones who refuse to settle, who know deep down there's more, and who are ready to call themselves out to level up.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_03: If that's you, welcome.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_03: Let's go.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_03: You can get your copy of the Life Hack Playbook on Amazon or on the podcast website, let's get nakedpodcast.com.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_03: I read something in your questionnaire where it was like, um, you know, just just being here for the whole experience, just not having expectations, you know, expectations are just disappointing, you know, future disappointments.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_03: And and I think that ties in really well too, of like people that feel like it is supposed to be a certain type of, you know, a certain way, that your life is supposed to be a certain way, or that you're supposed to be a certain way, or like all of these things.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_03: It's like said who, right?
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_03: Like, yeah.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_03: No one, no one, there's no rules.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_03: No one said, you know, even though there was programming and conditioning that makes you feel that way, once you realize we're adults and we get to decide what we believe, throw the rest of that limiting belief shit out.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_03: Because, you know, what we're living right now is a gift.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_03: Today's a gift.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not gonna waste one of my gifts comparing myself to somebody else's highlight reel and beating myself up.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_03: I'm going to do everything that I possibly can to affect the change that I feel like is important.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_03: And the way that I do that is by doing it here.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_03: Doing it inside of myself.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_03: What do I want to see?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_03: There's that, you know, corny saying of like be the change you want to see in the world.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_03: And also there's a reason it's a saying.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like that's a real thing.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_03: So when you see what's happening out in the world nowadays, where people are just screaming into the void about every injustice that ever happened in the world, it's like we're not meant to know all of those things, you know?
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_03: And and then, and then people beat other one other people up about what they're offended about or what you're not offended about.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, oh my God, everyone is so exhausted from the just outrage from all of the things.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, I'm just trying to raise my kids.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know what you said.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_03: Take care of myself, right?
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's the world would be a different place if people focus on that, which is what they think would be opposite.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: They wouldn't think that would do anything.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's so but in reality it would.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_03: It's so counterintuitive.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I really, I really wish people would like just let this sink in.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_03: Focus on yourself, fix your own shit.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_03: It makes you a better human being for yourself.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_03: It's putting your own mask on first, and you are better for everyone around you, right?
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_03: I get these comments from moms when I say that that are like, oh, real smooth, you know, I, you know, what do your kids feel about that?
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_03: I'll bring every one of them on here and they'll tell you that they would rather have this energized version of me that pays attention to myself to make certain that I have the energy to share with everybody else than the resent-filled obligation.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_03: You can feel that.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_03: You know, exactly.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_03: You can feel that.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like, don't come in my comment section and tell me, oh, what do your kids feel?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_03: What do your kids feel?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_03: Let me ask them how they feel about the resentful, angry mom that they have that shows up every day for them.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like, no, and no offense, I spent a lot of years doing that version.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_03: But what I'm saying is I've lived on both sides, and I know that this side where I put myself first, and again, for everyone that's out there, I think the big guy lives inside of each one of us.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't need comments about, like, you know, I don't need that.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_03: We are part.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_03: We are, right?
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like I believe that to my core.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_03: So if I take care of everything inside my four walls and I fix my own shit and I really focus on myself, that's how I'm the best version for the collective and for my people, right?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_03: It's like that's what we're supposed to be doing.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_03: Do you think that my time would be better spent screaming into the void on the internet about the injustices of all of the bad things that have ever happened everywhere?
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_03: What an odd way to spend your energy.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I just don't understand why that would be your first choice.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: No one that's coherent in their life is gonna be speaking about those things.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I would like to think that it's a slight representation of what's going on inside of them.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: So at least for me, I can speak for my sense.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up in chaos, right?
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, like chaos is comfort to me.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's normal.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: Anything that's calm and peaceful is chaos because it's not normal to me.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: So when they see all this chaos in life, they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is like safety for them.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: This is like what I know, this is familiar.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: The other, what we speak about is like treacherous for them because that's unknown territory.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that could be really dangerous when it's like, shit, man, how do we, how do, how do we get, how do people get to because people can beat a dead horse of like, stop focusing on this, focus on yourself.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_00: But like, why are people still so focused on all the events outside of them?
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: Is it really just because they don't want to deal with the events that are going on inside of themselves?
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_03: I think they do, and I don't think they even know where to start.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_03: And for me, it's like leave your phone at home, take a blanket, go to a park, take a notebook, take a notebook and just doodle or write whatever comes up.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_03: And there's no rules.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_03: Again, like I tried to get Casey for a long time to journal, and she's like, I can't, I can't.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_03: And then she started journaling like six months ago, and she's like, Oh my god, I can't believe I ever didn't journal.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, I know, like that's how you really figure things out because you're writing things down and you're thinking about what's coming up and how is that making me feel?
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, maybe you're sitting there going, This is fucked up, this silence is deafening, and like all of the things.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_03: Lean into that.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the cure, the the word you said before, curiosity.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: That was a word I oh, I was so nervous with and I hated it like 12 years ago.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: Curiosity, because it opens up the camp warrants for everything else.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: We have to be curious first to realize what's on the other side, right?
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I lost my train of thought.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_03: I I want to ask you, um, and you can pick up your train if it shows back up, but tell me about your childhood.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what did that look like?
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_03: You mentioned that it was chaos for you.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_03: Do you have siblings?
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_03: What did your family dynamic look like?
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_03: Parents married, fighting, not like tell me what that looks like as a overview.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: Great question.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I have one older brother, four years older than me.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, parents married, divorced when I was five.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: Dad remarried when I was six or five, literally right after.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: And he's been remarried to my stepmom uh ever since.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: So they're going on like 30 years now.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 30 years now.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: Touche.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: Congratulations, guys.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um a lot of just bickering.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like you, I remember so many times just being in my room and just hearing that and being like, mm-hmm.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, be like this.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: So when they come in and open the door, you're like, hi.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, the energy's thick.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, um, I wasn't a people pleaser, I will say that.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: For those kids out there that always please their parents, I was the complete opposite.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: There was times of me people pleasing for sure, or more so finding ways of just being quiet when I when I felt like I couldn't say anything.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that's probably why I was like a I threw a lot of tantrums as a kid.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_00: No one listened to me.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: So y'all are gonna hear me now.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all are gonna hear me now again and again.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um it was a lot of hearing my brother get his ass kicked.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: Rightfully so, though.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't just like we're just normal kids and our parents are just mean to us.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, we were we're getting in fights, having parties at the house, like all these things, even before we were old enough to like do stuff like that.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we were drinking at 14, 13 years old, stealing liquor under the cabinet, right?
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like getting drunk with friends.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um so, rightfully so, we had a lot of things coming for us and we all deserved them all.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: But we never, no one ever listened to us.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: So like I knew I had thoughts and perspectives that were different.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: There's like a 40-year-old when I was like seven.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: But God forbid anyone listens to me, what do I know?
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and my parents used to always say when they would say no to me, is I would always ask them, like, why?
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that curious curious kidding you that dies real fast when you grow up.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because I said so.
• 36:34
  unknown: Yeah.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: That statement still triggers me to this day because I said so.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I think I think it largely as humans, we just want to be heard and seen.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and and and I think that that's really savagely important to understand and also be able to hold space for other people in that way.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that's a big part of what you do, um, whether it's physical, mental, or emotional, is just really holding space for other people to be heard and seen.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's really, really important.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_03: I think people feel connected in that way.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_03: And it doesn't matter what it is, you know.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_03: It's like I I come from this place where I have big opinions about all of these things, and it gets people worked up because I'm not afraid to say the things.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_03: And also, I'm not trying to tell other people their business.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_03: Um, be heard, be seen.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_03: Just don't push your stuff on other people.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I have like very simple rules keep your shit in your own lane and don't fuck with kids.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_03: That's it, right?
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like when you start fucking with kids, you've you've poked poked mama bear inside of me because if like no one likes, no one wants mama bear.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_03: You could all agree with you.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody wants mama bear to come out, you know, because I just think live and let live.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_03: There's that whole beautiful, you know, piece of that.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and find your tribe, find your people that will hear and see you because you uh most of us didn't get that as children, right?
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_03: I was the middle of five, uh, which is that loud, obnoxious, like you said, you you didn't want to hear and see me before.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_03: You're loved to that.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_03: You got it, you got it.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_03: You fucking hear me now, you know?
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_03: Not from like rebellious, even though it does feel a little bit rebellious, of like, you know, and if you don't like it, change the channel.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_03: I highly encourage people to change the channel all the time because I'm not for everybody.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_03: But um, but I think there's a lot of stuff that rings true with the things that I'm saying because I have realized, okay, what were those patterns?
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_03: What was that about not having your parents tell you that they were proud when you're talking about the football thing and it's like always critiquing you and and but never giving you the attaboy or the good job.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_03: I had the exact same thing.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_03: And when I talked to my parents, even just recently, like within the last year, and I'm a 49-year-old woman asking my parents, like, hey, why did you never tell us that you were proud of us?
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_03: You know, they said, um, uh, because the parenting that they had received was such that they didn't want us to have a big head.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_03: Like that was that they didn't want us to get in our own heads about it.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, not telling your children that you're proud of them or acknowledging their accomplishments is super dangerous because what followed was decades of me feeding off of crumbs from sources I shouldn't have been feeding off of crumbs from, and then trying to convince myself it was a full meal.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's like and I love that you have that conversation with them, right?
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my God, we talk about all the things.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_03: People wonder like, what does my like life look like outside of the show?
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_03: We talk about all the things in in every family dynamic with my kids, with my husband, with my friend group, with my parents, with my siblings.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like, we talk about all the things.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I bet that probably helped you, that probably bled into a lot of parts of our reality.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like a lot of a lot of things that everyone's listened to come from like our childhood.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_00: 95% of all the shit we're dealing with is coming from there somewhere.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of that comes from like our parenting, too.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I posted some stuff on social and man, people just they just they'll say stuff like, Well, easier for you to accept them like that.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, um it's as it's as simple as making that choice.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't say it's so simple because of all the work we've done to kind of get here to some degree.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm just like, how mad do you want to be at those people?
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, which is really just being mad at yourself and not finding forgiveness or acceptance or anything like that.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because people, if if people just go sat in a hospital and talk to people dying, they would have a different perspective of life.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like actually talking to your actually talking to your parents as you get older and all maybe all that bullshit from when you're 15 is kind of like straggled away, and you don't have to have those conversations.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're just like, dude, who are you?
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is some stuff that's happened before.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about it now.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and like let some stuff out a little bit.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to have them be this.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm seeing from people is we we have such an attachment and expectation of them of, well, they did what they did, and uh they have to be at a certain level.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, dude, we don't even know what it's like to live in the 30s.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly the 40s is just like that.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_03: That's an excellent point.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_03: Like, people don't realize.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_03: Can you imagine how different it was back then?
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I look at my parents and I did come from that place for a long time of like, oh, they this fucked me up and that fucked me up, and you're making excuses.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_03: It is, and also can be true of showing them grace and saying, I don't think my parents are psychopaths.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_03: They did the best that they could.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_03: Am I all jacked up from all, you know, the different things?
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_03: Sure, sure.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_03: And then what happened, right?
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_03: They weren't doing it to like intentionally, oh my God, we can't wait, we're gonna fuck Ann's life up, right?
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like, at what point are you gonna keep holding them to that standard of whatever the conditions were back in decades we've never lived in, or you know, or we're little kids in, we've never adulted in.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_03: We don't know what was, you know, what was part of all of that.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_03: You you want to do that?
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_03: How many of those days do you want to throw away?
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_03: I always look at like, I don't know if you remember back in the day where in the grocery stores they would have like, you would post your flyer if you wanted to babysit or something, and then you would cut those little ends, right?
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_03: And someone would be able to come and like take your phone number because we didn't have phones, you didn't get to do that.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_03: You had to call from a landline that was plugged into a wall.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but anyway, so you would take that little piece of paper and then you would take the next, you know, someone would come take the next one, whatever.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_03: I always picture life that way.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like those are your days.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm gonna rip today off.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_03: And do I want to spend today on complaining about the things that happened to me however long ago?
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_03: The fucked up things that my parents had, or they didn't teach me this, or they didn't, whatever.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_03: No excuses, right?
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_03: Like, yes, that was messed up.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_03: And also, what are you gonna do about it?
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_00: And this is for anyone listening right here.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_00: You can try this right away.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like what I do with my clients.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_00: Someone has to make the choice, someone has to be the parent.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: I know that well, they're my parents, and I'm the kid.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, see how far they get too.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_00: We'll wait until they die and you're gonna have resentment and that forever.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: Until you make the conscious choice to be the change, you don't like the way your parents move or how they act.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what I'm gonna speak from my experience.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_00: What I would what I did is when I would come home, and again, I live in Arizona now, so every time I come home, the contrast is getting more and more and more far away because the more you keep working on yourself, yep, the more you see the bigger gap is yourselves are.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: Come home, you get so bent out of shape, mom's not doing what you want to do, all these things.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I had I had this thing two summers ago where she's a smoker, smoked cigarettes for like 50 years.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_00: I've never, maybe when I was 15, I used to do some some messed up stuff.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'd you know, break her cigarettes, throw them in water, do that stuff like that until I grew up and started to not have an expectation of her stopping to smoke.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's telling you to smoke, everyone's mother in you to stop smoking.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: What is it like when you do the opposite?
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: I have no problem with you smoking.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: I have no problem with you smoking.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_00: But she was smoking in that in the house, we were we were at a beach house, and you were smoking in the house.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, hey ma, don't smoke in the house.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna smoke inside just clothes and shit like that.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't listen to me.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_00: Or at least she thought she did.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_00: She was smoking in the house.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that old kid comes out of me, that kid that wants to break things and lose his mind.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_00: I go in my room.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_00: We have new tools, Mike.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: We're not who we used to be.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do I do?
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: I go out and do what I never wanted to do.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna hug you and tell you I love you.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: Something I normally you don't want to do.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: I get goosebumps thinking about it because it's not what I normally would do.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: What I is familiar to me, fuck you.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_00: Go over here.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna leave and run away from this.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do the opposite, see what happens.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_00: Hey Ma, come here.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_00: I love you.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: I love you to death.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not mad at you.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: I just I asked you not to smoke in the house.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_00: Can you please just respect that?
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I'm asking.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and for her, this is all new for her, too.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: So just because you're 50, 60, she's 68 now, doesn't mean you have it figured out.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_00: Those are still hurt little girls.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_03: They are distill hurt little girls.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna reparent her through reparenting myself and changing this pattern right now because it does take, you have to make the choice, people.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: So we can sit here and wait for our parents to change, or we can start to give them different reflections of being a different person to see what happens now.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_00: So if you don't like the reflections you're getting back from your parents, hopefully over time you're starting to morph into someone else.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_00: Give them a little bit more softness.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't like how they were so conditioned and loving to you.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, do you have you ever showed them unconditional love?
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: Then what are we talking about here?
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if we really go down to it, like that was a different time frame that people, I think, really need to grasp by understanding those time frames of like if you cried, you were slapped.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you think your mom taught you from your grandmother?
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: Don't cry, don't show emotions.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: Deep in their mind, their deluded mind, they really did love you in their own ways.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: We just don't accept that love because we have conditions of what love is supposed to be.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not in this box that I put it in, it's not love.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the biggest mistake we have right now of learning to love people regardless of all the shit they throw at us.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's we always talk about living through the word of God, right?
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: We always talk about that.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone's always big into this stuff now.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_00: Why aren't you guys doing it?
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: He would never be talking and acting the way you act.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like even uh, that's a whole different conversation.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_03: We've we've started Mike down a path.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the one thing that I think that the takeaway of what you were talking about that I want to just circle back on real quick, understanding that just because your parents are older or just because other people are older and more mature in in further aging bodies does not make them more emotionally mature.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_03: Correct.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_03: And that emotional intelligence is savage AF.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_03: If you realize that that's the game, and if you're listening and you don't know what I'm talking about, or you feel like there's room to improve, go all in on your emotional intelligence.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_03: I guarantee you it will make your life go through the roof in just the most simple, basic ways because you're not getting twisted up in all of the trigger magnets that are everywhere.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_03: You know, there's just rage and people baiting people all day long.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like there are, you know, billion-dollar enterprises that benefit off of your rage and poking you and getting you to, you know, comment and stay engaged and like all of those things.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_03: That's what they get paid to do.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a psychological warfare.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_03: It is psychological warfare.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like when you realize that, put your phone down more often.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_03: Get outside, touch your feet in the grass.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_03: That's why I love what you're doing with the Sunday afternoon things.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_03: And it, you know, if you're listening and you don't have something like what Mike does in your community, start something.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_03: You know, start something because what what does it take for you?
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_03: You have a bunch of games in a wagon and you leave from your place and you show up at a park and you just tell everybody I'm always gonna be here Sunday at 6 p.m.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_03: And whoever's supposed to show up will show up.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_03: I think we're all like little eight-year-old kids in adult bodies, and we need that.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_03: We need that connection, we need that play.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, we need to be able to have it not be about the things that divide us.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_03: You know?
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_00: We can't have any of these, like, we we're so fixed on this result of things.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's like the kid that wants to go play in the park, like, he's not worried about how many people are there.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_00: The dude's wearing a spaceship on his head.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_00: With a with a with a 20-foot sword, you know, and like space boots, and he's flying.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's no thought about the people coming that I may wrap up sometimes about that performance of like, or I can feel myself before I go play sports in the park.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, Mike, go on and play games in the park, man.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_00: What are you?
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing?
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on?
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_00: We can just and uh even like these tangible things that like putting your phone away.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's just make games with things, people.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever's out there, like for me, I didn't want to do anything that was out there.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't like anything that was out there.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't like it.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_00: The meditation, the breath work, all these things were finding me close to stillness.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: For me, being so unstill in life, again, I'm just good at doing the opposite.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_00: There's gotta be something with that stillness.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_00: These fuckers over here, these like Zen people, these Buddhists, these they gotta know something.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_00: They're not just crazy.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let's die, but see what that is.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you realize, like, yeah, it's it's quite opposite at first, but there's some stuff in there.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's as simple as I can't do meditation for an hour.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_00: I have, and I I do, but I don't choose to do that all the time.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you even know what the definition of meditation is?
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know what it is?
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_03: You tell me.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_03: I I know what I my my meditation.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's your what's your what's your definition, if you have to ask?
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, just sitting still.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_03: I think a lot of people think they have to quiet their minds and whatever.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_03: And it's like, no, just notice.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_03: Just notice your thoughts.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_03: You don't even have to quiet it because that's not a realistic uh thing.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's it's that and it's whatever else you want to make it, people.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_00: These definitions were created from people.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_00: We nothing has meaning to it unless we give it meaning.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the definition, if we're gonna be all technical, the definition is just focusing your attention on for something for a certain amount of time.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_00: That means three seconds, people, yeah, right?
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_00: That means a second.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_00: We get oh wait, no, it's just a minute.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's where you're gonna mess up.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's your crutch right there, that you think it's supposed to be a different way until you let go of that and start doing things on your own terms and seeing what you get back.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_00: Of like, I'm gonna put my phone off and sit here with my eyes open, staring at the sign, close my eyes.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_00: Can I keep my eyes closed for a minute?
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: Have a timer.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: One minute, done.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: Go back to watching TV.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, those small little things add up.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's not these big, like, we're gonna go to these grandiose events on the weekend and we're gonna get all these great facilitators.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_00: And those are amazing things to do.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_00: But when you go back to work on Monday, you didn't fucking think of anything else or apply anything else or embody anything.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_00: You just took some great words and you went back to life.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_00: Versus like noticing what comes up for you.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_00: Put that phone down for a minute.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_00: Can you go for a walk without your phone?
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, can you like make games for yourself?
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_00: I created this game called statue meditation.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a thing that I created that is actually a thing.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_00: And people will say, like, oh, it's called this.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, cool.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_00: See, we can't these labels.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_00: Who the fuck cares?
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: I would sit down, put my timer on for like a minute, five minutes, and don't move.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_00: Don't move.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_00: Don't itch.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_00: The fly that's buzzing around you, don't even move it.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: The swallow you think you have to swallow, soften it.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: Your back aches a little bit from this position because it feels uncomfortable.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: Our mind just wraps in.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're gonna break your back.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't safe.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is wrong.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_00: All the noise.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_00: Wait for the timer to go off.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_00: Don't move.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_00: And those small things to me add up so much.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: A minute here, a minute there.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you're gonna notice everyone listening, you're gonna have pockets of space throughout your whole day to do small things like that.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right doing the dishes.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_00: Can you wash the dishes left-handed?
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_03: Can you be present when you wash the dishes instead of have your mind somewhere else?
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_00: Can you look at those dishes?
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: You better be the best dishwasher ever for that four minutes of washing those dishes.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_00: And those small things will find more presence and stillness, which is what will hopefully bleed into the stuff that we're trying to like really get to.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_00: But we have to worry about these small little things first.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I think when you're present, it just takes you out of your mind of like worrying about what's happened in the past or what's happened in the future, where you can just really be plugged into enjoying the right now, whatever the right now is.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_03: And it doesn't always have to be like unicorns and rainbows and daisies and shit, because it's hard.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_03: Life is hard.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's hard for everybody.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_03: But when you bring it down to those simple terms, it makes it so much more fun of a game.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_03: You know, when you talk about meditation and people or, you know, we talk about journaling or other things that you can do to better yourself.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_03: So many people have these rules of like, can't sit still for 20 minutes.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_03: Who said you had to sit still for 20 minutes?
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you don't want to do a guided meditation where people are talking?
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_03: Great.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_03: Put on a sound bath on YouTube and and put it on an hour-long sound bath.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_03: And if you're sitting for an hour or a minute, it doesn't matter.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_03: When your body is done, your body is done.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_03: You know, so when you take away those rules about it, it makes you want to do it.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_03: You know, when you get to this place with meditation where you actually crave that because you know how much like you connect to your knowing like crazy when you meditate.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_03: That's why you look at all of these successful people and it's like, look at the things that that top successful people do.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_03: Meditation is one of them, reading is one of them, journaling is one of them.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_03: If you want to be, you know, have things that these other people have, try the habits that they have and see what that does for you.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_03: And no rules, just take all the rules off.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_03: You don't have to read any specific amount of time.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_03: You can read for pleasure or for personal development.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_03: You can, you know what I mean?
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like there's just no rules.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like maybe people just don't get to that like understanding of like, yeah, I know what you're saying, Mike.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_00: Breath work is this, or meditation or journaling, but like they they still can't understand it.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's because I feel like they just never had that autonomy, that choice.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_00: Again, we were told this is how it's supposed to be.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_00: And even if someone says, well, that's not how it's supposed to be.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, one statement is gonna unravel everyone's perpetuated years of baggage of unraveling that.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, but it could be something to start with, and you have to start somewhere.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's like this paralysis by analysis.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's like just start.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's no excuse.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's literally just sit down and just close your eyes for 30 seconds.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's always an excuse.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_03: There's always an excuse, and that's the problem.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_03: I think either you're gonna come from a place of excuses or you're gonna come from a place of solutions.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_03: Truly believe that to my core.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_03: If you want it bad enough, you'll come from a place of solutions.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_03: You won't come from this place of, well, I don't have the time, well, I don't have the money, well, I don't have this, well, I don't have that.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody gets the same 24 hours.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_03: And I get it.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_03: Some of us have young kids, some of us have old kids, some of us have, you know, aging parents, some of us don't.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like we all have our different conditions.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_03: But it's like if you're so busy looking at comparing your stuff to other people, um, knock it off.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_03: There's something that I saw recently that I just love this so much.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_03: And it was a this older guy, and he says, I looked in your cup to make sure you had enough.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_03: You looked in my cup to see if I had more than you.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_03: And that says everything that you need to know.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, pay attention to what people measure.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_03: I don't, I want to make certain that you're good.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_03: I hope you have more than me.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_03: I hope everybody has fucking more than me, right?
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_03: Like, it doesn't take anything away from the race I'm running.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_03: If you do.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like, you have to be at this place where you want better for yourself.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and you can't come from this place of excuses or trying to compare yourself to other people.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_03: Just get in there in your own messy life and figure it out.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_03: And there's plenty of people that will help you see the way.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, yeah, people don't, they don't, they don't they don't want themselves to win.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because otherwise why is that?
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why they don't want other people to win.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like back to that worthiness.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, I don't even think we're scared of success.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I don't think we're scared of failure.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think we're scared to succeed.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_00: We're scared to get whatever we actually want.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: Our wildest dreams.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because then what?
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and people, motherfucker people with success.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_03: This, this, this is a whole nother topic for me that really gets my goat.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_03: Because it's like, I want to champion for other people and I want them to win.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't understand people that come from this mentality of like tearing other people down because of their success.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_03: We're not supposed to be shy of our success.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_03: We're supposed to celebrate that.
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_03: We're supposed to win and and and champion for one another.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_00: That feels like roots of like our parents, right?
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's like um, this is when at least this is uh this is a trauma thing for me right here.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is why Mike never attracted money.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_00: When we don't come from money, we weren't like broke, but like blue collar, very just like normal, whatever.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_00: You see someone that's rich, oh that rich prick.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck him.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_03: I know, what is that?
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_03: I know, saying.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_00: So then, so then as you get older, you start to think like all these people that have money are fucking assholes or or or not good people.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna inadvertently everything in my life push money away because I don't want to be that person.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like that's where it's coming from until you realize like that was just something told because your mom had projections on who she thought rich people were, because I could name 20 different stories, I'm sure she had about why that statement came out.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then I realized that those sponges bleed into kids, and those small little statements can make people think that they're worthless until maybe you start to unravel things, all the stuff we're doing.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's abundance, it's a manifestation, it's a frequency, attraction, if you will.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's not attaching.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_00: Say the last like five years, I've been attaching my worth to like money and stuff until I've realized that the money still comes and goes and ebbs and flows.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I've noticed I feel great when I'm broke sometimes.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like shit when I'm rich sometimes, and everything in between.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not the money, Mike, it's the abundance, it's the frequency, it's the thing that money allows you to feel.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_00: Freedom, choice.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_00: I can do that right this second.
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_03: And how do you disassociate that from money?
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_03: Because money is just a currency and a frequency, and it has nothing to do with that.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_03: Took me a long time to figure out because freedom and money were handcuffed in my in my world, right?
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_03: Because I grew up very poor.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_03: And so uh that was what freedom looked like to me was money.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_03: And then I had this money, and I still didn't feel like it because I was still handcuffed to money, regardless of how much of it I had.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_03: And so I had to really spend time disassociating those two things from one another.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_03: And it was like disconnecting.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_00: One of the, and all these things are still like practice.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like everything is always practice.
• 57:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're never like, oh, we're complete, we're out, we're done.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, right.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_00: Practice, practice.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_00: And like even for a client the other day, I was nervous to like give him my prices until I was like, Mike, you've done this before, dude.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you dare underprice yourself because you're gonna lose lose.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_00: If he doesn't like the prices, he left.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_00: If he does like the prices, you're not you're not okay because you undersold him.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_00: Give him those fucking prices and see what happens.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_03: Stand on business.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it felt great because he stood on business and he loved it.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, it wasn't even a question.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, this is those validating experiences of like, yes, Mike, keep trusting in that.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_00: Keep trusting.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm still working through it day to day with all the things.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_03: We all do.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_03: That's the whole like guru thing, too.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_03: It's like everyone's just working on their own shit.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_03: No one's better than anyone else.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_03: We're all just doing our working through all the stuff everyone's working through.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a little bit more fine-tuned, a little bit more like as you go, it's a little bit further down.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're just sharpening more.
• 58:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's all.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_03: Mike, thank you so much for coming today.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_03: Will you please tell our listeners how they can get in touch with you, connect with you, all of the things?
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_00: You can connect with me on Instagram.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_00: My tag name is not that McDonald's.
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_00: And on TikTok, it is just vibe with Mike.
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_00: My website is buttsandonuts.com.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_00: And Facebook is Mike McDonald's.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I got.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_00: Those are my locations that you can find me.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um on TikTok, I've started doing new parks playing games in the park every Sunday.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna be changing up because the weather's getting so hot, so be on the lookout for something new coming soon.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_03: Love it.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_03: Awesome.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you so much.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_03: I appreciate your time.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate your time, energy, and attention.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um, okay, so that's a wrap.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_03: If something from today's conversation hit home, challenged your perspective, or handed you a cheat code you didn't know you needed, we'd love to hear about it.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_03: Send us a DM or email us at ladies at let's get naked podcast.com.
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_03: And if you believe in these conversations, help us get them into more ears.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_03: Follow, share, rate, review, um, send an episode to someone you care about.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_03: Until next time, stay curious, keep growing, and don't waste your potential.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_03: We'll see you next time.