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Why the Narcissist Stalks Your Social Media After the Breakup (The Truth) · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  We broke up, I told you I didn't care.
• 0:03
  I might have even screamed it at your right.
• 0:05
  I might even have told you I'm with someone new or I'm alluding
• 0:08
  to it. I've alluded to it.
• 0:10
  So if I said all that, why am I still watching your stories from
• 0:14
  a fake account or even from my account?
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  I haven't blocked you yet, right?
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  Why am I doing it? Why am I asking your friends and
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  your family members about you? Why am I peeking in at your at
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  your, at your job and whatnot? That's not love, y'all, It's
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  information gathering. It's obsession.
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  It's something deeper than you think it is.
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  It's not love. Oh, they must love me 'cause
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  they're watching me. No, it's the information
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  gathering. It's, it's a power dynamic,
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  y'all. And that's what we're talking
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  about today, y'all. Why narcissistic people watch
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  your social medias after you break up?
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  It's there, y'all. It's going to get deep.
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  It's going to get deep, I promise you.
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  So when a narcissist or when I'm watching your social media,
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  right, I'm watching you to steal if I still have some type of
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  power. It's all about power and
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  control, isn't it? Right, When you get down to the
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  nitty gritty of dealing with a narcissistic person, it's all
• 1:02
  about power. It's all about control.
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  It's all about obsession, and it's also about ownership.
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  I think you belong to me or I think that you should still
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  belong to me. I should still have some power
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  over you. I should still look, I've, I, I
• 1:19
  want to be the best you've ever had, or at least I want to think
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  that, right? I want to feel that way.
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  Even if I've moved on. I want to feel like I'm the best
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  you've ever had. I want to know that I matter,
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  right? So in order to do that, I got to
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  put eyes on you, right? I got to put the narcissist, the
• 1:36
  binoculars on you, right? I do that.
• 1:39
  So This is why I tell people to watch what you post.
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  When you, when the relationship ends or they break up with you,
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  they viciously discard you. Watch what you post because if
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  you're posting sad quotes, if you're posting things like that,
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  I win that narcissistic person, They win because that means you
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  still care. I'm still the center of your
• 2:01
  world. You cannot get over me, right?
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  That's just how I feel now. You might very well be able to
• 2:08
  get up, be able to get over me easily.
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  I might not matter to you at all, right?
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  You might not give a damn. But if you're posting something
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  that's alluding to the breakup, it's alluding to the
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  relationship. I feel powerful.
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  I'm flexible. Yeah, I'm the best.
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  I'm the best. So next thing before you post a
• 2:26
  sad quote or meme or something like that, just imagine your
• 2:30
  your ex flexions best they're talking about me.
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  I know this is a silly image, but sometimes I know this is a
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  silly image, but sometimes that's what you have to imagine.
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  That's what you have to put into your head that this is what how
• 2:47
  it goes. It really is.
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  They are really celebrating because you're posting about
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  them. Well, you might even it might
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  not even be about them. I'm, I'm making it seem like
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  it's about me, though. I'm taking what you post and
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  just imagining that it's about me, even if I'm posting things
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  on my social media, right, about me being happy with someone else
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  or me being happy that I'm free of this toxic relation.
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  I'm, I'm calling you toxic. I'm happy to be free of this
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  toxicity, right? So I'm posting this stuff
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  confusing you because you're watching me, right?
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  That's what I tell you. I yeah, I want power.
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  I want to know. So This is why I say watch what
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  you post because the sadder the post, the happier that
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  narcissistic person is. Like narcissistic people feed
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  off your negative energy when you are trying to heal, right?
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  When you're going through it, when you're absolutely hurting,
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  negative energy might be the bad word, bad word to use right
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  there. When you sadness, they feed off
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  your sadness. I ain't gonna say it's negative
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  energy because you're trying to heal, right?
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  They feed off of your sadness and they take it.
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  It's just like plugging themselves up to a charging
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  point and just like getting full.
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  They're like they're drinking your look.
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  They're drinking your sadness like a cold crispy Sprite,
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  right? You don't want them drinking
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  your, you want them drinking a Sprite on you, right?
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  So this is what's something you have to consider as well.
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  So think about this right here. If they see you sad, I know
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  people don't ask this like we'll leave.
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  They see us sad, they get happy or they get fulfilled.
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  What if they see? What if we post that we're
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  happy? What if we don't post about them
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  at all? That's the side of it, right?
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  That's a different side of it, right?
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  If I see you happy, that's when I feel the need to reach out to
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  you to, to, to in essence, throw a grenade in your piece, right?
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  I thought I'm throw a narcissistic grenade right into
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  your piece. That's what I'm doing.
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  I'm taking it and I'm launching it into your piece.
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  That's what I'm doing because I don't think that you're really
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  happy. I, I want, I want to make sure
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  that I still have some type of access to you.
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  I want to make sure that I can still reach out to you if you
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  haven't blocked me, if you just ignore my messages, if you're
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  reading the messages, I still think that at least I'm saying I
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  still think that I have power over you.
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  It's about power and control, right?
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  This is, I think this is the final red flag that a lot of
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  people miss right here. Like you think that my checking
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  in means that I miss you. That's not what it means though.
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  It it means I'm checking in to see if the door is still
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  unlocked, right? So I can come back and use you
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  for whatever I need. I can still come back into your
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  life, get my needs met, whatever they are, and get back out of
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  your life. In and out, in and out.
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  It's like an open door, right? And that's what ends up
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  happening. The door is swinging like a
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  pendulum is swinging. Open and close, open and close.
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  I want to make sure that it's always open to me.
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  I want to make sure that it's always open for me.
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  So that's why I do what I do. And that's why it's important as
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  you, when you're dealing with a narcissist or toxic person or
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  whatever, whoever, that's why it's so important to understand
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  the mentality behind it. It really truly is.
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  That's why it's important for you to just understand that like
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  narcissistic people, they're watching your social media
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  because they still think you belong to them no matter what,
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  man. Like it's always about
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  ownership, it's always about control, it's always about
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  power. It really is, man.
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  So that's why people ask me like Lee, should I just keep ignoring
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  them? If you don't have kids, you have
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  nothing else that are that is tying you to me.
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  I think that you should block me on everything, right?
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  I'm not telling you to make your account private, right?
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  That's what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that you have to
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  do this. I'm not saying that you have to
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  make your account private because that's not necessarily
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  what you need to do at all, right?
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  What you need to do in these situations is just make sure you
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  block me from the accounts that you know it's me, right?
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  If you know it's me, block me. You have to because if you're
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  just ignoring me, ignoring is still leaving access, though.
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  This is just imagine you're like your heart is a house is a house
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  for love, right? 5 heart, 5 heartbeats and here's
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  the house. Is there a heart and a house for
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  love? Stand up five heartbeats.
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  Y'all got to be Yeah, I'm aging myself right?
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  But think about it like that. If your heart is a house, you
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  ignoring me is just you closing the door and pulling the blinds
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  closed right? You.
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  But the door is still unlocked. The windows are still unlocked,
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  right? I can still open the window.
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  I can still come into the house, but if you block me, that's you
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  shutting the door, double latching it, closing the windows
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  and having one of those having some alarm systems on the
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  windows to to window sensors on that right.
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  That's that's the difference right there.
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  That's like that analogy just came on top of my head too,
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  y'all? It's just like if you ignore me,
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  it's like leaving your doors unlocked.
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  If you're blocking me, it's like it's locking the door now again,
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  could a locked door be busted open?
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  Could I kick in a locked door? Yeah, there's so many different
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  ways on social media to watch somebody's stuff if you so
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  choose to, right? Unless your account is private,
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  you know, but you can still create a fight for your account
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  and get in there. But that's why it's so important
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  to take the necessary steps in order to protect yourself.
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  It really is. That's why I like, I think it's
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  super important right now. Then when you at the beginning
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  of your journey, if you can't help but post sad things and
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  they feel like you're feeding a narcissistic person because you
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  miss them and whatnot. And sometimes y'all post up on
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  purpose because you want them to see it, right.
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  If you can't help that, I think that you should go dark, right?
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  You might should get off social media for a little bit just to
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  heal it. Just look go dark for a little
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  bit, go private. Do what you need to do, like
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  give, give me or that person in your life nothing to look at,
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  right? Don't give me anything to look
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  at. The more I have to view, the
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  more I have to look at, the more empowered or emboldened that I
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  feel in this situation, right? It's like I still have access to
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  your life. Now I know what people are going
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  to say. This is and this is, this could
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  happen to you. Let me let me say this because
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  this could absolutely happen as well.
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  You could be posting happy things and I could convince
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  myself that you're still unhappy.
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  Like in my mind, in order to validate myself, even if you're
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  posting happy stuff, I can just convince myself that it's fake.
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  I can just say you're posting fake quotes.
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  You're you're not really happy. Everything you're posting right
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  now is because you're fake. You're not really happy.
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  You're not really happy. You're not really enjoying life.
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  You're not really doing this. You're not really doing that.
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  I don't think you're truly happy.
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  Maybe if you are right, you might actually be truly happy.
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  But I'm going to convince myself in my mind that you are not
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  happy. I'm going to convince myself in
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  my mind that you're still thinking about me.
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  You're just posting fake happiness to get to me because
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  you miss me, because you care about me, because I'm the best
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  thing that ever happened to you. You see how crazy that mind goes
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  right there, right? And there's like, kids, like,
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  we'll leave. There's no winning.
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  Like, damn, we can't post happy. We can't post that.
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  Yeah. Just be you.
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  I think at the end of the day, don't worry about what the
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  narcissist or toxic person is saying, right?
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  Because you can't control what they're saying.
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  You can't control what they're doing.
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  There's the you can't, you really, really can't, right?
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  That doesn't happen. You know what I mean?
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  That really, truly doesn't happen.
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  You cannot control what they do. The only thing you can control
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  is what you post, how you go about, how you go about it.
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  Well, how you feel, all of the other good stuff right there.
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  That's what you can control. That's absolutely the empowering
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  part of it. That's what you can control is
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  what you are doing. You know what I mean?
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  Just be you. Because that narcissist, no
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  matter what you do, at the end of the day, no matter what you
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  do, in my mind, I'm going to tell myself what benefits me the
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  most. And sometimes you do get the
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  paranoid narcissist right out there.
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  Like what? They will take your happy post
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  and think you're with somebody else and then they will get
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  aggressive. They will they think you can't
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  be happy by yourself. You must be with somebody else,
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  even even even if they are with someone else, and I know that
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  sounds silly as hell, but even if they are with anybody else,
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  they still can see be angry if you moved on.
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  Y'all how many stories I've here when people would say, well,
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  Lee, I went dark on social media.
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  I popped back up four or five months later, I had a new
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  relate. I was in a new relationship and
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  the narc, my narcissist, the X was still stalking my social
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  medias and started reaching out to me.
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  They start reaching out to me. They start begging me to see
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  them, begging me to talk to them and y'all does this happen
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  sometimes where narcissist will absolutely be like they will
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  come back into your life and when they see you're happy and
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  try to ruin your new relationship, yes, they will
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  stalk your new partner, stalk your life, make your life hard,
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  start reaching out to your New Girl.
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  They might start reaching out to your new partner because they
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  saw stuff on social media. They might try to add them
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  online. They might try to.
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  You see what I'm saying? They might do all of that stuff
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  right there. At the end of the day, who does
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  that benefit other than them? You see, who does that benefit
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  other than them in this situation?
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  They're almost always going to try to find a way in these
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  scenarios, in these situations to benefit themselves because at
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  the end of the day, they are the most important person.
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  Even if they y'all, even if they're married or moved on,
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  they can still show up to your door and beg you to take them
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  back. And sometimes, and I've heard
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  this, this and hear this happen, it works.
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  They show up to your door, you leave your new partner, they
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  refuse to leave theirs. And you're, you're quit holding
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  the bag. You know, one of the saddest
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  people I've ever talked to left her relationship and went back
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  to her toxic ex. And then for some reason, when
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  the toxic ex didn't leave his new partner, she tried to go
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  back to her new partner. He wasn't having it.
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  But why would you? Why would I anything like that?
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  Why would they take you back when you left them for somebody
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  else? You know what I'm saying?
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  So she's high. She was left high and dry, sad
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  to say. Oh, now she's alone.
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  And then she she was getting angry.
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  I like, look, there's accountability that had that has
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  to be had here. You can't just blame the
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  narcissist for ruining your life.
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  You did choose to bring it with your partner to go back to them
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  or knew you knew they had somebody else.
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  So there's yeah, there's a lot of different stories that I hear
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  from people, right? And that's why take your time to
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  heal is so important in this situation, y'all.
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  Anyway, y'all, they have arrived.
• 12:53
  Went to the end of this video. Y'all know, I really, truly
• 12:55
  appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 12:57
  Hit that subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 12:59
  Mental illness.net for all things Lee Hammock and I am out
• 13:03
  Peace.