Latest / Reformed Thinking / Reconciliation/Restoration
Transcript
- 0:00Welcome to Reformed Thinking. Today we're doing a deep dive
- 0:03into something really central biblical reconciliation and
- 0:07restoration. Yeah, it's a big.
- 0:08One, we've got this stack of sources you shared, notes,
- 0:12research bits, and they paint, well, quite a picture of what it
- 0:15means for followers of Christ to live in peace, especially, you
- 0:19know, when things breakdown between people.
- 0:21That's right. And our job here really is to
- 0:24dig into all this material, pull out the key ideas.
- 0:26We want to get a handle on what biblical reconciliation actually
- 0:29means according to these sources, how it works and why
- 0:32it's presented as well, more than just a good idea, something
- 0:35really essential for anyone following Christ, like fighting
- 0:38those really valuable Nuggets, you know?
- 0:41So First things first, the why. The sources are really clear on
- 0:45this from the get go. Seeking peace with others isn't
- 0:48some kind of like optional extra credit in the Christian life.
- 0:52It flows directly, almost unavoidably, from a believer's
- 0:55own relationship with God. Yeah, the sources hammer this
- 0:58home. God's actions determine our
- 1:00actions. It's a powerful idea when you
- 1:03stop and think. About it, it really is.
- 1:04God through Christ, he already forgave us, brought us into
- 1:08peace with Himself, and He did that when we were enemies
- 1:12totally at odds with Him when we were, as one source puts it,
- 1:16100% of the problem. Right, the whole problem.
- 1:19Because God showed such incredible mercy, such love,
- 1:22sending his Son to make peace right where there was hostility.
- 1:26Well, the logic follows. If you've received that kind of
- 1:29peace, you're then compelled really to extend it to others.
- 1:32And it doesn't stop just there. The material brings up what it
- 1:36terms the ministry of reconciliation.
- 1:37That's from Second Corinthians chapter 5.
- 1:39It's like God and just fix things for us.
- 1:41He then turns around and says, OK, now you're part of the
- 1:43reconciliation team. He gives us this task he just
- 1:47performed. Wow.
- 1:48So what does that look like? This ministry?
- 1:50The sources say believers are like ambassadors for Christ.
- 1:54Ambassadors. We've been given this message,
- 1:57the message of reconciliation, and it applies broadly, sure.
- 2:00It means calling people outside the faith to be reconciled to
- 2:03God through repentance and faith.
- 2:05Definitely. But.
- 2:07And this is key for today. It also means living it out
- 2:10actively pursuing reconciliation within the church among fellow
- 2:13believers. Exactly, and the sources really
- 2:16stressed this point. For someone who believes
- 2:20reconciliation with other people ought to be an obvious, visible
- 2:23fruit in their life, it shouldn't feel like tacked on or
- 2:28unnatural. It should be a natural overflow,
- 2:31something that just comes out because you genuinely grasp the
- 2:35incredible thing God did for you in Christ.
- 2:38You model it. So that's not just nice, it's
- 2:41it's commanded. The sources say seeking peace,
- 2:44seeking reconciliation is mandated all over the Bible, all
- 2:47over. There's really no wiggle room
- 2:49presented here. No biblical out for saying Nah,
- 2:52not for me. And they're.
- 2:53Careful, too, to say what reconciliation is not, which is
- 2:56helpful because we mix it up sometimes.
- 2:58OK, yeah, be quick. It's definitely not just, you
- 3:01know, cutting ties and running when things get tough.
- 3:03One source calls that the antithesis of the gospel.
- 3:05Pretty strong words. And it's also not just like
- 3:08agreeing to disagree and then ignoring each other forever.
- 3:11You know, a mutual agreement and to remain at odds but just not
- 3:14talk about it, That's just avoiding the fight.
- 3:16It's not the peace the Bible talks about.
- 3:18OK, So what is it then according to this material?
- 3:22True reconciliation is being restored to normal relations or
- 3:26harmony with someone. Harmony OK, Yeah.
- 3:28They use that analogy harmony, like voices singing together.
- 3:32They're not all hitting the exact same note, right?
- 3:34People in conflict might still see things differently, might
- 3:37not agree on who did what or who's more to blame, right?
- 3:41Reality is often messy. But the goal isn't getting
- 3:44everyone to sing the same note or agree on every detail of the
- 3:47past. The goal is for the voices, the
- 3:50people, to complement each other again, to be at peace.
- 3:54The aim is to be at peace with one another and no longer at
- 3:58odds. That Harmony idea really helps.
- 4:00Picture it and you know, the sources bring in this incredible
- 4:04story that kind of puts flesh on these ideas, the story of Lee
- 4:08Hood and Rusty Weiber. Oh yeah, powerful one.
- 4:11Lee Wheat's sister Della Summers was murdered murdered by Rusty
- 4:16Weimer. You can only imagine the raw
- 4:18hatred Lee felt. The sources say he initially
- 4:21just wished he could kill Rusty himself.
- 4:23Yeah, intense. And the back stories are
- 4:25something else. Lee.
- 4:26He wasn't exactly squeaky clean himself.
- 4:28Had been in jail, what, 56 times?
- 4:3056 times. His life turned around when he
- 4:32became a Christian and Rusty Weimer, he's on death row.
- 4:36The sources describe him and just awful conditions.
- 4:39One says literally rotting in his cell, covered with half
- 4:42eaten food, pornography and roaches crawling all over him.
- 4:45Just grim. Unbelievable.
- 4:47And he comes to Faith there on death row through the ministry
- 4:51of this guy, Bob Mallester, who himself found Faith after his
- 4:54own life collapsed, lost his marriage, his job.
- 4:57So you've got these two guys, lives shattered, then touched by
- 5:00Grace Lee dealing with his sister's murder and his own
- 5:03past, Rusty facing execution, finding faith in the darkest
- 5:07place. And the sources say at least
- 5:09it's really wrestling with this, thinking about Jesus on the
- 5:12cross, thinking about the Lord's Prayer, you know, forgive us our
- 5:15debts as we forgive our debtors. And it hits him, even though
- 5:19everything inside him screamed against it.
- 5:21He realized he had to forgive. That realization coming straight
- 5:25from thinking about God's forgiveness.
- 5:27Well, it sets the stage for something pretty extraordinary.
- 5:30So we've got the why. God's grace compels us.
- 5:34Now the sources get super practical.
- 5:36Who makes the first move when there's conflict?
- 5:38Who starts the peace process? Right.
- 5:40The Who And the answer in these sources is, well, pretty direct.
- 5:45The believer initiates always, doesn't matter who, sin first,
- 5:48doesn't matter who. Seems more wrong.
- 5:50The believer is called to go first.
- 5:51OK, let's break that down. The sources look at 2 scenarios.
- 5:551st if you send you initiate. Exactly.
- 5:58They point to Matthew 5 verses 23 and 24, and the picture there
- 6:02is striking. It really is.
- 6:04You're there, maybe about to worship, bringing your gift to
- 6:06the altar. The source likens it too, and
- 6:09suddenly you remember, oh wait, so and so has something against
- 6:11me because of something I did. The instruction.
- 6:14Leave your gift there. Go first, be reconciled, and
- 6:17then come and offer your gift. Drop everything.
- 6:20Go fix it. The urgency there is just
- 6:22arresting. The sources say there should be
- 6:26no reason for any delay. If you send you initiate, they
- 6:29point out, you're told to literally stop worshipping.
- 6:32Yeah, pause that core act of faith, because seeking
- 6:35reconciliation is that important.
- 6:37And think about the implication the sources draw out.
- 6:40How can you genuinely celebrate being reconciled to God
- 6:43yourself? Maybe in taking communion or
- 6:46just in worship? If you're OK with staying at
- 6:48odds with someone else? If you just don't care about
- 6:51that broken relationship, there's a hypocrisy there.
- 6:53Yeah, that gets deep. OK, so that's if I sinned.
- 6:58What about the other way around? Scenario 2 if they sinned
- 7:01against me. Still you the sources point to
- 7:04Matthew 18. The command is still to the
- 7:06believer who was wronged. If your brother sins against
- 7:09you, you go to him. Go and tell him his fault
- 7:10between you and him. Alone.
- 7:11Oh, he's still initiate. You still initiate and notice
- 7:14the process laid out. Go privately first, just the two
- 7:18of you. The point isn't to, you know,
- 7:20gather your allies first, build your case, rally the troops
- 7:23against them, or even run to the pastor right away, though
- 7:26getting counsel later might be needed.
- 7:28Step one is direct private, just between the two involved and.
- 7:33What's the goal when you go in that situation?
- 7:36The sources are really clear, yes.
- 7:38You're not going to just to go tell them how wrong they are or,
- 7:42you know, give them a piece of my mind.
- 7:44That's not it. Definitely not the.
- 7:46Purpose explicitly is aiming at reconciliation.
- 7:50You're trying to restore peace, not just vent or win.
- 7:54So you put those two together, you send, you go, they send, you
- 7:57go. And the principle that emerges
- 7:59according to these sources is pretty comprehensive.
- 8:02It doesn't matter who send, who did more, whatever, you're going
- 8:05to seek reconciliation. It's always proactive for the
- 8:08believer, right? The sources even paint this
- 8:11little picture. Imagine two people in conflict,
- 8:13both go get godly counsel, and both are told go make it right.
- 8:18Theoretically, they should bump into each other on the path both
- 8:20heading towards fixing it. Yeah, that's a good picture.
- 8:24And again, leave what? It's story just slams his point
- 8:26home. Rusty Wimmer committed this
- 8:28horrific sin against Lee's family.
- 8:31Undeniably, Rusty sinned against Lee.
- 8:33No question yet who initiated Lee?
- 8:35Did he chose to go first, writing that letter in the
- 8:39summer of 89. He lived out this principle.
- 8:42The believer initiates even when they're the victim of a terrible
- 8:45wrong. OK, so we know why we reconcile.
- 8:50Because of God's grace, we know who starts the believer always.
- 8:53Now how? How do we actually pursue this
- 8:55piece? The sources say it absolutely
- 8:57must be done in love. Yeah, in love, and not just like
- 9:00a vague warm feeling Biblical love.
- 9:03And the sources highlight two foundational principles for this
- 9:06love. First, there has to be this
- 9:08purposeful intent, a real aim to love God with everything, heart,
- 9:12soul, mind. The great commandment.
- 9:14Exactly. If that foundation is shaky, the
- 9:16sources say, trying to reconcile with others is going to be
- 9:19incredibly hard because your motives get tangled up.
- 9:22Your deepest desire needs to be loving God, pleasing Him, not
- 9:26just getting what you want. OK, that's foundation 1 is the
- 9:28second. 2nd is loving others as you already love yourself.
- 9:33Basically the golden rule. Due to others as you'd want them
- 9:36to do to you. Yep.
- 9:38Apply the same care patients, understanding to them that you
- 9:41naturally give yourself. Makes sense.
- 9:43Then the sources really zero in on 1st Corinthians 13, those
- 9:47famous verses about love. They present these
- 9:50characteristics not just as nice ideals, but almost as a
- 9:53diagnostic tool. They call it an indictment,
- 9:57revealing where we fall short, where we need to grow,
- 10:00especially when we try to apply it to reconciliation.
- 10:03It's worth spending some real time on these.
- 10:05OK, let's do it. All right, first up, love is
- 10:08patient. It bears pain or trials without
- 10:11just complaining all the time. It shows forbearance, restraint,
- 10:15even when provoked. So in a conflict, in a conflict,
- 10:17it means being patient even when you feel like forcefully
- 10:21expressing yourself, when the other person is difficult, when
- 10:24things move slowly, when they don't respond how you hoped, you
- 10:27hang in there patiently. Love is kind, and this is more
- 10:30than just not being nasty. It's actively sympathetic,
- 10:33considerate, gentle, agreeable. The sources make a great point
- 10:38here. Patience without kindness can
- 10:41just be tolerance. Yeah, just putting up with
- 10:44someone isn't really love. Right.
- 10:46Real love seeking peace. Find something genuinely kind or
- 10:50gracious to say, even when your gut reaction is to lash out and
- 10:54criticize. OK?
- 10:55Love is not jealous. In relationships, this means no
- 10:59rivalry. It actively works for the other
- 11:01person's well-being. It avoids, you know, pointing
- 11:04out their flaws or failures, especially when they're already
- 11:06down or struggling in the conflict it wants.
- 11:09Good for them. Doesn't feel threatened by them.
- 11:10Exactly. Then love does not brag and is
- 11:13not arrogant. It doesn't show off.
- 11:15It doesn't puff itself up, especially in a disagreement.
- 11:18Even when you were totally convinced you're right.
- 11:20Love does not assert itself or become overbearing.
- 11:23One source gets this powerful example being able to walk away
- 11:27from a conversation knowing you're right, but not demanding
- 11:30that others know it or acknowledge it.
- 11:32Wow, that's tough. It is Love lifts others up,
- 11:36avoids that one upping temptation.
- 11:38Next, love does not act unbecomingly.
- 11:41It behaves properly, appropriately, in a way that
- 11:45honors the Lord. So no rudeness, no cheap shots,
- 11:48even if you think it might help your case.
- 11:50Exactly. Even if being rude might get
- 11:53attention or seem effective in the short term, love sticks to
- 11:56what's right then a huge one for reconciliation.
- 12:00Love does not seek its own. OK, unpack that.
- 12:03It means love doesn't prioritize fulfilling only your own desires
- 12:07or insisting on getting your way in the conflict.
- 12:09It's described as an act of the will that seeks to serve and not
- 12:12be served. How does that play out in a
- 12:14tense talk? It means going into that
- 12:16conversation with a greater desire to understand than to be
- 12:19understood, putting their good and the relationship's health
- 12:22above your own comfort or need to win.
- 12:24Greater desire to understand than be understood.
- 12:26That's yeah, that changes things.
- 12:28It really does. Next, love is not provoked.
- 12:31It's not easily angered or stirred up into outbursts.
- 12:34Even if the other person is trying to push your buttons,
- 12:36Love Stays Gentle refuses to get sucked into that reactive cycle.
- 12:40Stays steady. Yeah, and then maybe one of the
- 12:43hardest love does not take into account a wrong suffered.
- 12:47Doesn't keep score. Doesn't keep score.
- 12:49Doesn't hold a grudge. It actively chooses not to keep
- 12:52bringing up past failures as ammunition.
- 12:55Doesn't return evil for evil. This is where the sources link
- 12:58it to. Love covers a multitude of sins.
- 13:01Not ignoring sin, but choosing grace over a Ledger of offenses.
- 13:05Then love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, it actually
- 13:09grieves over sin and its effects.
- 13:12Even if someone who wronged you messes up or suffers something
- 13:15that seems like payback, Love doesn't take secret pleasure in
- 13:18it. No smirking.
- 13:19No, told you so. Right.
- 13:20Instead, it wants their repentance, their restoration
- 13:23ultimately with God. And conversely, love rejoices
- 13:26with the truth. It's glad when truth prevails,
- 13:28even if that truth is difficult or costly.
- 13:30No hiding, no spin. No hiding, no sugar coating the
- 13:33truth, even when it hurts. As one source puts it, real
- 13:36reconciliation needs truth, even hard truth.
- 13:40Then love bears all things. It's tolerant.
- 13:43It endures difficult people, difficult situations, keeps an
- 13:46eternal perspective, trusting God's working through it.
- 13:49Gets you through. Helps you get through.
- 13:50Yeah, Love believes all things. Now, this doesn't mean being
- 13:53gullible. It means accepting trustfully,
- 13:56not jumping to judge motives, giving the benefit of the doubt
- 14:00until facts prove otherwise. And even if trust is broken,
- 14:03Love looks for ways to help restore trustworthiness if
- 14:07possible. Gives people a chance.
- 14:08Gives people a chance. Love hopes all things, even when
- 14:12things look bleak. Love expects God's plan to
- 14:15unfold. It anticipates the best for the
- 14:17other person, wants their good. It entrusts them and the
- 14:20situation to God even when we can't see the way forward.
- 14:23Keeps looking up. Exactly.
- 14:25And love endures all things when you feel like you just cannot
- 14:29take it anymore. Love remains steadfast.
- 14:31It keeps going, keeps acting in love, even returning blessing
- 14:35for cursing under hardship. Doesn't give up.
- 14:38Doesn't give up. And finally, love never fails
- 14:41this description. It's ultimate character.
- 14:43It won't crumble under pressure. It stays selflessly faithful.
- 14:46Keep seeking the others good, even at great personal cost.
- 14:50Wow. OK, going through that list
- 14:52that's that's an incredibly high standard, almost seems
- 14:54impossible. It does, and that's where the
- 14:56sources immediately connected back to the gospel.
- 14:59How so? They state that Jesus Christ did
- 15:01all of these things perfectly, every single one, and for
- 15:05believers, reconciled through him.
- 15:07When God looks at you, He sees Christ's perfect love.
- 15:11All of these things are credited to your account.
- 15:13So it's not about us achieving perfection and love to be
- 15:16accepted by God. Exactly.
- 15:18That's crucial for motivation. We're already accepted, already
- 15:22reconciled through Christ. The reason we work on these
- 15:24things, why we try to love like this in messy relationships,
- 15:28isn't to earn God's favor, then why?
- 15:30It's to become more Christ like, to please him, to be like him.
- 15:34It's a response, gratitude, obedience.
- 15:37And the sources are refreshingly honest.
- 15:38None of us have arrived. We're all works.
- 15:41Some progress here. OK, so if this love isn't
- 15:43something we naturally produce perfectly, where does it come
- 15:45from? How do we even begin?
- 15:47Good question. The sources point straight to
- 15:49God again. They say believers already have
- 15:51access to this kind of love because all of God's love has
- 15:55been poured out into your hearts through the Holy Spirit.
- 15:58That's quoting Romans 5.5. Poured out into our hearts.
- 16:02So the love is it's already there.
- 16:04That's the idea. The challenge isn't usually an
- 16:07empty love tank that we need to somehow fill up ourselves.
- 16:10The love needed for this hard work of reconciliation is in
- 16:14principle already present through the Spirit.
- 16:17So the struggle is the. Struggle, the sources suggest,
- 16:20is yielding to the Holy Spirit, letting that Love Actually flow
- 16:23out, especially when everything in us, our feelings, our pride,
- 16:28wants to hold it back or do the opposite.
- 16:30That brings up the whole feelings thing, doesn't it?
- 16:32If love is described this way as as patient, kind, not provoked,
- 16:38what if I just don't feel loving towards someone who really hurt
- 16:40me? Yeah, the sources tackle that
- 16:42head on. They're clear.
- 16:43Biblical love is not primarily based on your feelings at the
- 16:46moment. It's presented as a purposeful
- 16:48decision, an act of your will, like making a covenant
- 16:50commitment before God. You're commanded to act in love
- 16:53despite your feelings, not wait until you magically feel warm
- 16:56and fuzzy. Act despite feelings.
- 16:58That's demanding. It is, but there's a balance to
- 17:02the sources also say we are commanded to actually feel love
- 17:06for others, to love earnestly from a pure heart.
- 17:09That's from first Peter 1.22. So we should feel it too.
- 17:12Yeah, the idea seems to be you act in love by God's grace, even
- 17:17when feelings aren't there. But if those feelings
- 17:19consistently don't follow the actions, that's something to
- 17:22bring to the Lord. Confess it.
- 17:24Ask for help. Sincere love involves
- 17:26compassion. Actively working with the
- 17:29Spirit's help to align our hearts with God's commands.
- 17:32Trying to feel the right thing. OK, that makes sense.
- 17:35Act first, pray for feelings to follow.
- 17:38And the sources offer this really helpful question, right?
- 17:40For when things get complicated. Yes.
- 17:42When you're stuck, overwhelmed, not sure what the next step is
- 17:45in a messy reconciliation attempt, just ask yourself
- 17:48what's the most loving thing to do right now?
- 17:50Based on everything we just talked about from First
- 17:52Corinthians 13. Exactly.
- 17:53Grounded in that biblical picture of love, that question
- 17:56can often cut through the fog and show the next faithful step.
- 17:59And thinking back to Lee Wheat, his decision to forgive Rusty
- 18:04Wimmer, that wasn't about feelings initially, was it?
- 18:07Doesn't sound like it. The sources portray it as this
- 18:10profound act of will rooted in understanding Christ's love for
- 18:14him. He chose to act in biblical love
- 18:17to extend forgiveness despite the pain, despite the hatred
- 18:20he'd felt. That letter saying I love you
- 18:22wasn't just an emotional update. It was a declaration of a chosen
- 18:26commanded Christ, like love. OK, so we've covered the why,
- 18:31The Who, the how. Let's get down to the nitty
- 18:33gritty. What do you actually say?
- 18:35What do you do when you're sitting across from someone
- 18:38trying to make peace? Right, the practical steps and
- 18:40remember the goal that the sources keep reminding us.
- 18:43Seek reconciliation. Aim for that harmony where
- 18:46people can complement one another again.
- 18:48Even if you don't see eye to eye on everything.
- 18:50Exactly. The goal is explicitly not to
- 18:53seek to be right or to win an argument.
- 18:55That's huge. OK, so scenario one again, you
- 18:59send, you're going to ask for forgiveness.
- 19:01What are the sources say to do? 3 clear steps.
- 19:04One, acknowledge the hurt you caused.
- 19:07Not just sorry you feel hurt, but sorry I hurt you.
- 19:09Precisely acknowledge your actions caused pain, both to
- 19:13them and ultimately to God. You say the words.
- 19:16I'm sorry. Step 2.
- 19:18Confess your sin with specifics. Don't be vague, don't make
- 19:21excuses. Name the wrong you did.
- 19:23Shows you really get it. Own it and three.
- 19:26You ask the question directly. Will you forgive me?
- 19:29Put it out there. Request the mending.
- 19:32Acknowledge, confess, ask. OK, now flip side, they send
- 19:37against you. You're initiating.
- 19:38Like Matthew 18 says, this is the loving confrontation.
- 19:42What guides that? The sources give 4 crucial self
- 19:45check questions. You have to honestly answer yes
- 19:48to all four before you even approach them.
- 19:50It's all about checking your own heart first.
- 19:52OK, what are they? One, have you removed the log
- 19:54from your own eye first? That's Matthew 7.
- 19:56Right. Deal with your own stuff first.
- 19:58Yeah, have you seriously looked at your own part in this?
- 20:01Confessed your own sin to God? Dealt with your issues before
- 20:04you try to address theirs. Got to do that.
- 20:07First makes sense, yeah #2. Are you able to go with a spirit
- 20:10of gentleness? That's from Galatians 6.
- 20:12It means being led by the spirit, not going in angry or
- 20:16feeling superior or judgmental. Humbly recognizing you could
- 20:20mess up too. Gentleness OK 3.
- 20:23Have you really thought through how they'll receive this?
- 20:26Have you considered that this is probably going to be painful for
- 20:29them to hear? Put yourself in their shoes.
- 20:30Exactly. Go with compassion.
- 20:33Understand as the source says, discipline is never enjoyable in
- 20:36the moment. Thinking about their potential
- 20:39pain should shape your whole tone and approach.
- 20:41Empathy. Got it.
- 20:43And the fourth question. Are you going with the genuine
- 20:45goal of restoring them to God and for the good of the church
- 20:48community, or is it mostly just because they annoyed you or
- 20:51crossed your personal preferences?
- 20:53Motive check. Big time.
- 20:55Is your main concern their sin against God and their spiritual
- 20:58health, or just how their actions impacted you?
- 21:02That distinction is critical, the sources say.
- 21:04Wow. Log gentleness, Empathy,
- 21:07restoration mode if you got to pass all four checks before you
- 21:10go. That's the standard presented.
- 21:12And there's a practical tip too, right for this scenario?
- 21:14Yeah, before you even have the confrontation, the sources
- 21:17advise. Pray, ask questions and try to
- 21:20understand their perspective first.
- 21:22Don't just assume you know the whole story.
- 21:24Right. Resist the urge to go in with
- 21:26both barrels as they put it. Seek understanding before you
- 21:30confront. It helps make sure you're
- 21:32addressing the real issue and doing it in that loving, gentle
- 21:36way we talked about. That careful approach really
- 21:39ties back to those First Corinthians 13 qualities.
- 21:41Patience, kindness, not seeking your own.
- 21:45Exactly. It's love in action.
- 21:47OK, so after reconciliation or maybe alongside it, the sources
- 21:52bring up restoration. They're related but distinct.
- 21:54How many different reconciliation is achieving
- 21:57peace? Getting that dislocated shoulder
- 21:59back in the socket? Using that earlier analogy,
- 22:01immediate relief pieces made Restoration is well, it's more
- 22:06like the physical therapy after the shoulder is back in.
- 22:09The healing process. Yeah, restoration means to put
- 22:13the relationship into its proper condition, making it healthy and
- 22:16functional again. The sources use another picture,
- 22:20mending Nets like the disciples did, putting things back
- 22:23together properly after they've been torn.
- 22:26Mending Nets OK. But here's the key thing.
- 22:28The source is stress. There's no blanket answer for
- 22:32what restoration looks like. It's not one-size-fits-all.
- 22:35Not at all, it's super context dependent.
- 22:38Depends on the people, the sin, the history.
- 22:40And critically, restoration may not mean returning the
- 22:43relationship to what it was before.
- 22:46Doesn't necessarily mean going back to the old normal.
- 22:48Right. Sometimes after serious hurt or
- 22:50broken trust, the proper condition might look different.
- 22:53Maybe new boundaries are needed, a different kind of interaction,
- 22:57even after peace reconciliation is achieved.
- 22:59So how do you figure out what Restoration should look like?
- 23:02The sources give some questions to wrestle with.
- 23:04They do several practical ones. Do we need to go back to what we
- 23:08were before? Really question that assumption?
- 23:10Maybe yes, maybe no. Second, what is your conscience
- 23:13say? And that's your conscience
- 23:15informed by Scripture, not just your feelings or preferences.
- 23:19What is God's Word applied here seem to indicate?
- 23:22Scripture informed conscience. Got it. 3rd what do other godly
- 23:26counselors say? Get objective input.
- 23:29Wise believers who aren't emotionally entangled can offer
- 23:32perspective. Seek counsel.
- 23:34Makes sense? 4th What other biblical passages
- 23:37and principles apply to your specific situation?
- 23:39Are there other commands or truths that bear on this
- 23:41particular kind of relationship or offense?
- 23:44Dig deeper into the word. Yeah.
- 23:46And 5th should changes be made to the relationship?
- 23:50If yes, why? The sources say the reason for
- 23:53considering changes is crucial. Is it out of lingering
- 23:56bitterness or out of genuine wisdom, safety or prudence
- 24:00needed after what happened? Motive again, always back to the
- 24:02heart. Always.
- 24:03And one more really vital point about restoration and
- 24:06forgiveness. It does not mean pretending that
- 24:08past wrongs never happened. Doesn't erase the past.
- 24:11No consequences can still exist. Forgiveness doesn't
- 24:15automatically remove all consequences.
- 24:17They point to King David in Psalm 51.
- 24:19He was truly repentant, truly forgiven by God for his terrible
- 24:24sin with Bathsheba and Uriah. Yeah, a classic passage of
- 24:27repentance. But he still faced heavy
- 24:28consequences in his family and Kingdom afterwards, and he
- 24:31didn't blame God for them. The sources even say you can be
- 24:34at peace with someone and still press charges, meaning biblical
- 24:38reconciliation doesn't necessarily negate legal
- 24:42accountability or natural consequences.
- 24:44That's sobering. Peace doesn't mean no
- 24:46consequences. It seems not according to these
- 24:48sources. And the Lee White story again.
- 24:51Their reconciliation was profound.
- 24:53They became brothers, at peace with one another.
- 24:55But the restoration wasn't back to what it used to be.
- 24:58They had no Before Rusty murdered Lee's sister, their
- 25:01relationship was restored, the sources suggest, to what it
- 25:05should be in God's eyes, brothers in Christ reconciled to
- 25:09God and therefore to each other, a new reality.
- 25:12A powerful picture of restoration not meaning return,
- 25:15but transformation. And remember the consequence Lee
- 25:18faced. Oh yeah, his own family.
- 25:21His own family kicked him out, cut him off for forgiving Rusty.
- 25:24Unbelievable. It shows that even when you
- 25:26pursue reconciliation faithfully, there can be
- 25:29fallout, painful consequences that then require you to apply
- 25:33these same principles all over again in those new broken
- 25:36relationships. It doesn't always end neatly.
- 25:39Which leads right into that really tough question the
- 25:41sources address. What happens when you do your
- 25:43part? You follow the steps, you go and
- 25:46love, but the other person just refuses?
- 25:49They won't repent, won't talk, won't reconcile.
- 25:51Yeah, that's a hard reality. The sources approach this based
- 25:54on whether the other person claims to be a believer or not.
- 25:57OK, so first, if they're not a professing believer, someone
- 26:00outside the faith? Then the sources say
- 26:03reconciliation, while desired, is not always possible from
- 26:06their side. Our responsibility comes from
- 26:09Romans 12.1 heen. If possible, so far as it
- 26:12depends on you, live peaceably with all.
- 26:14So far as it depends on you, what does that actually mean?
- 26:17Doing your part in that situation.
- 26:19It means you keep acting in love towards them as much as you can.
- 26:24You remain ready to reconcile if they ever change their mind.
- 26:28You pray for them. You do everything your side of
- 26:31the equation requires according to biblical love.
- 26:33You stand ready before God. Even if they never respond.
- 26:36Even if they never respond, you fulfill your calling before the
- 26:39Lord. That sounds incredibly painful,
- 26:42especially with family. Oh, absolutely.
- 26:44The sources acknowledge the deep heartbreak using the example of
- 26:48parents whose adult kids just walk away, cut off all contact.
- 26:51The question for those parents before God is, have you done
- 26:56everything you can to be at peace, everything you can to
- 26:59reconcile? If the answer is yes, then
- 27:02you've done what God requires of you, even amidst the ongoing
- 27:05pain of the brokenness caused by the other person's choice.
- 27:08OK. But what if the person refusing
- 27:10to repent or reconcile is a professing believer, someone in
- 27:13the church? Then the situation changes.
- 27:16If those initial private steps from Matthew 18 fail, going
- 27:19one-on-one, then maybe with one or two others, the next step
- 27:22outlined is to pursue church discipline.
- 27:24Church discipline? That sounds harsh to modern
- 27:27ears. It can, but the sources frame it
- 27:30as a loving process, like loving parents disciplining a child.
- 27:35The goal isn't primarily punishment or kicking them out.
- 27:37That's the goal then. It's aimed at restoration,
- 27:40bringing them back to repent, back to fellowship with God and
- 27:43his people. It becomes, as the sources say,
- 27:46an ecclesiological issue, a church matter.
- 27:49You need to work with your church on this, following that
- 27:52biblical process. So it's a serious but ultimately
- 27:56loving and restorative step for a believer who refuses
- 28:00reconciliation. That's how it's presented here,
- 28:02yeah. But regardless of the outcome,
- 28:04whether dealing with an unbeliever who refuses or a
- 28:06believer who requires church discipline, or even if
- 28:09reconciliation is achieved but it's messy, there's a final
- 28:13point of encouragement in the source.
- 28:14Yes, and it's really important they state that God can be 100%
- 28:18pleased or fully pleased with you based on your efforts,
- 28:21regardless of how the circumstances turn out.
- 28:23So God looks at our faithfulness and trying.
- 28:25Exactly. Our role is to do everything
- 28:27that depends on us to live peaceably, to apply these
- 28:30principles of love and reconciliation faithfully.
- 28:33Then we have to trust the Lord with the results which are
- 28:36ultimately in His hands, not ours.
- 28:38That takes the pressure off needing a perfect outcome,
- 28:41doesn't it? Focus on faithful process.
- 28:43Trust God with results. Like Lee Hogue with his family,
- 28:46he achieved reconciliation with Rusty but faced new brokenness.
- 28:50His call was still the same, act in love, seek peace as far as it
- 28:55depended on him, and trust God with his family's response.
- 28:59Powerful stuff. OK, based on everything we've
- 29:02dug into from these sources today, here's something to maybe
- 29:05queue on. This week, we talked about how
- 29:07biblical love means going into those tense conversations with a
- 29:10greater desire to understand than to be understood.
- 29:13That one really stood out. Yeah.
- 29:15So the question is, how might applying just that one
- 29:18principle, prioritizing understanding over being
- 29:20understood, how might that reshape even 1 strained
- 29:24relationship in your life this week?
- 29:26What could change if understanding became the primary
- 29:28goal? That's a good challenge.
- 29:30Yeah. We've covered a lot.
- 29:31The why being God's grace, The Who, being the believer,
- 29:35initiating the how through that detailed picture of biblical
- 29:39love from First Corinthians 13. Yeah.
- 29:41And the what the specific steps for seeking forgiveness or
- 29:45confronting gently, then distinguishing reconciliation
- 29:48from restoration and navigating that complex process.
- 29:51And finally, facing the tough reality of what to do when
- 29:54reconciliation is refused, Whether by believers or
- 29:57unbelievers, and finding encouragement in our
- 29:59faithfulness to God's call regardless of the outcome.
- 30:03It's definitely rich, definitely challenging, and super practical
- 30:06for anyone trying to live out their faith when relationships
- 30:10get messy, which, let's be honest, happens to all of us for
- 30:13sure. Well, thanks for joining us for
- 30:15this deep dive into the sources on biblical reconciliation and
- 30:18restoration. We really hope digging into this
- 30:20has given you some valuable things to reflect on and maybe
- 30:23even apply. Yeah, good stuff to think about.
- 30:25Until next time on reformed thinking, outro music fades in.