Latest / Spending time with Dr. Christina / Relationship series: Choosing friends wisely

Transcript

Relationship series: Choosing friends wisely · Spending time with Dr. Christina

• 0:00
  Welcome back to my podcast spending time with
• 0:02
  dr. Christina. We're still in season 9. We're
• 0:05
  on episode 6 and we're talking about choosing
• 0:09
  friends wisely Now I have talked about friends
• 0:13
  here and there in various episodes but today
• 0:16
  I want to focus more on choosing friends wisely
• 0:20
  because Not only have I received a lot of questions
• 0:23
  about it again lately, but it just seems to be
• 0:26
  a topic that you can never really flush out because
• 0:30
  there's all sorts of friendships out there. There's
• 0:32
  the friendship between a co -worker. There's
• 0:35
  a friendship between growing up with a childhood
• 0:38
  friend. There's adult friends you may meet in
• 0:41
  school or the military or just in life. So sometimes
• 0:46
  we have different sorts of bonds and I want to
• 0:49
  talk about that today. I want to work backwards
• 0:52
  and talk about When you have say a friend in
• 0:55
  the workplace This is hard at times to come by
• 0:59
  and I know a lot of people out there think oh
• 1:02
  I have friends at work and this and that and
• 1:04
  we do this and that together But having a true
• 1:08
  blue friend. It's very hard to come by in the
• 1:11
  workplace and it's because If the chips were
• 1:14
  down and when it comes down to it, that person
• 1:17
  is most likely going to preserve their job. And
• 1:20
  that's a fact. So when it comes to different
• 1:23
  issues and troubles in the workplace, you will
• 1:27
  probably be on your own. So when we say we have
• 1:31
  friends at work, be very careful with this. And
• 1:34
  it doesn't even matter if this friend at work
• 1:36
  is your neighbor or something like that. Be very
• 1:40
  careful to whom you call friend because a friend
• 1:44
  is a person that has proven themselves over a
• 1:48
  period of time To be loyal and supportive and
• 1:51
  to have your best interest at heart So today
• 1:56
  a lot of people like to put a label on this person
• 1:59
  as a friend But they haven't gone through the
• 2:01
  necessary test that friendships have to say this
• 2:05
  person is a true blue friend This is the same
• 2:09
  for say people that are in school right now Maybe
• 2:12
  you're in college or graduate school and you
• 2:15
  befriend someone and you think wow This person,
• 2:19
  you know, we're in class together and we study
• 2:22
  the things that are the same You know, we can
• 2:26
  talk about different things. We can have lunch
• 2:28
  together but again when the chips are down is
• 2:34
  this person in your corner because when it comes
• 2:36
  down to it even in school when you have difficulties
• 2:41
  sometimes you have what they call fly -by -night
• 2:44
  friends and they're there for a season so we
• 2:48
  have to be careful of who we call a friend and
• 2:52
  who has proven to be in your best interest so
• 2:56
  let's go a little further with this Now everyone
• 3:01
  chooses friends a little differently It could
• 3:04
  be you choose this person because they make you
• 3:07
  laugh a lot Or it could be that you thought they
• 3:11
  gave you some good advice at one time or the
• 3:14
  other But when we really think about choosing
• 3:18
  a friend We really need to make sure they meet
• 3:21
  other categories outside of making you laugh
• 3:24
  and outside of Just giving good advice on one
• 3:28
  or two occasions For example, let's start with
• 3:33
  their character This is a very important trait
• 3:37
  that you should be looking at. What is their
• 3:39
  character? Do they say things and do they keep
• 3:43
  their word? Are they? sought after for being
• 3:48
  a person that tells the truth Are they respected
• 3:52
  and people look up to them? You need to look
• 3:57
  at a person's character before you look at anything
• 4:01
  else in choosing a friend and putting that label
• 4:03
  on them. I want to add another trait too. I have
• 4:08
  several I want to discuss but this is another
• 4:11
  important one. Do you find this person to be
• 4:15
  balanced? A balanced person they pretty much
• 4:20
  express a lot of different qualities. They're
• 4:23
  happy and when they have a reason to be sad they
• 4:26
  may be sad. They're also very frank and honest
• 4:30
  when it comes to situations in life That they
• 4:35
  may be going through and they feel it's safe
• 4:38
  to share with you And at the same time when you
• 4:42
  need advice, you know, they thought about it
• 4:45
  so this is a person that Just doesn't say any
• 4:50
  old thing out of their mouth, but they ponder
• 4:53
  What they're going to share with you? and they
• 4:56
  know they've given you the advice to the best
• 4:58
  of their ability when you need to get advice.
• 5:02
  Sometimes we choose people for the wrong reasons.
• 5:07
  I have mentioned in the other segment about needy
• 5:09
  people. There are a lot of people out there that
• 5:13
  are very needy, very clingy, and at the same
• 5:20
  time, There are people that just kind of gravitate
• 5:23
  to those personalities and before they know it,
• 5:26
  they're in just a web and being overwhelmed by
• 5:29
  somebody else's personality and somebody else's
• 5:32
  issues. So that is not a real friend. And then
• 5:37
  there are people out there that just spend their
• 5:40
  time trying to control and manipulate others.
• 5:44
  And some of you may be thinking, ah, maybe that's
• 5:47
  just high school and this and that. No. unfortunately
• 5:50
  today there's a lot of adults that even try to
• 5:54
  control others try to manipulate others they
• 5:57
  feed into even gossip so as adults we have this
• 6:05
  issue where they're lacking maturity and when
• 6:08
  you choose a friend like this this is going to
• 6:13
  affect your whole stability because this is basically
• 6:17
  feeding into your personality as well and when
• 6:20
  you have a close friend a lot of times you mirror
• 6:24
  one another and you have to think about is this
• 6:27
  something I want to mirror or is this something
• 6:30
  that I want to stay away from. I knew someone
• 6:34
  once that I went to high school with and even
• 6:36
  as young adults before we went our separate ways
• 6:39
  but she always had a problem. Always had a problem
• 6:45
  every day this problem that problem and that
• 6:48
  is a cycle and it's sort of like even a diarrhea
• 6:51
  of the mouth you have to think Is this really
• 6:54
  a problem? And what is this person talking about?
• 6:59
  You want to have people around you that are sensible
• 7:03
  that Always don't have an issue, but they experience
• 7:09
  all the traits i mentioned before they experience
• 7:12
  the happiness they experience the sadness when
• 7:14
  they need to they are consistent in the way that
• 7:18
  they are and they're not um even double -minded
• 7:22
  or vacillating about their decisions if you're
• 7:25
  around someone that just kind of teeter -totters
• 7:27
  on the decision oh i'm gonna apply for this job
• 7:30
  or I'm not going to apply for this job. Oh, I
• 7:32
  am going to apply for this job or I'm not going
• 7:34
  to. And you know, you cannot build somebody's
• 7:37
  confidence up. You have to take authority and
• 7:40
  say, Hey, is this the kind of person that I want
• 7:45
  to engage with? Is this the kind of person that
• 7:48
  I want to surround my other friends with or family
• 7:52
  with? Because essentially when you bring in new
• 7:55
  people into your life, that's what happens. Your
• 7:59
  family then embraces them and other extended
• 8:02
  friends that you've known that are solid begin
• 8:05
  to Embrace this person too. So you want to think
• 8:09
  carefully about What you're trying to accomplish
• 8:14
  with this person? Is this person going to be
• 8:16
  an associate? Is this person going to be a friend?
• 8:21
  Like a very dear friend that you see you can
• 8:24
  grow old with who is this person because sometimes
• 8:28
  Different situations bring people together and
• 8:32
  sometimes it's for a season and you really have
• 8:35
  to discern Is this person someone that can go
• 8:38
  the long hole with me? Or is this someone that
• 8:41
  is just here for the now that I can count on
• 8:44
  we have to understand Who are the people in our
• 8:50
  lives that are meant to go this? whole journey
• 8:53
  with us You know, those are basically known as
• 8:57
  inner -court friends, friends that you can trust
• 8:59
  and that are always there and reliable and will
• 9:02
  tell you the truth no matter what. Even if you
• 9:05
  don't want to hear it, they're going to tell
• 9:07
  you the truth because this is who they are. They
• 9:10
  walk in integrity and they walk in honesty. Then
• 9:12
  you have other people that will feed into what
• 9:15
  they think you want to hear and try to manipulate
• 9:19
  you and just agree, agree, agree. I knew someone
• 9:23
  once and he had a friend that always kind of
• 9:29
  Inserted himself into his issues and you know
• 9:32
  would tell him things and these things were not
• 9:36
  true he would tell him things about this or that
• 9:40
  and You know and it was sad to see how that played
• 9:44
  out, but you know You have to get to a point
• 9:48
  in life where you can discern when people are
• 9:51
  in your life for the right reasons or for the
• 9:54
  wrong reasons. Sometimes people are there and
• 9:58
  they need something from you. And then when that's
• 10:01
  gone, they're gone. There's so much to cover
• 10:05
  with friendships. This is only the first part
• 10:07
  and we're gonna revisit this again this season
• 10:09
  however, I'm hoping that what was shared today
• 10:13
  has been a blessing to you and Until the next
• 10:16
  time I wish you all a very good week