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Best Ways to Improve Your Self-Control · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: And today I'm going to be talking about self-control.
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  SPEAKER_00: So just curious, how often do you struggle with finding a middle ground between giving in to some desires and keeping your emotions and urges and actions under control?
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  SPEAKER_00: Like, for instance, do you find it hard to say no sometimes when you know you should?
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  SPEAKER_00: Or for instance, as an example, maybe you're trying to save money, but there's a purchase that you see and it's difficult to say no to the purchase.
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  SPEAKER_00: Or you you really want to go to the gym, but you also love your bed and you want to sleep, and so maybe you sleep in instead of going to the gym.
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  SPEAKER_00: The capacity of self-regulation does involve the ability to control emotions and impulses.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: So when we say self-control, we're talking about being able to potentially delay gratification or control behaviors or cope with difficulties and stressors.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, we're we're it it's referring to being able to achieve your goals and the ability to handle stress.
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  SPEAKER_00: So there are three types of self-control.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, as you know, when we're talking about self-control, this is a big component, it's an essential component for our EQ or our emotional intelligence.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so there's emotional control, um, which is essentially emotional regulation, uh, impulse control, which is referring to the ability to control urges, and then movement control, which is the ability to handle and manage our body movements and behavior.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're a parent of a child, for instance, uh maybe you've experienced the temper tantrum where their arms are just completely flailing and uh they're screaming and just totally losing their like just what what we would refer to as just losing total control of themselves.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really because at that moment they don't have impulse control, emotional control, or movement control.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, so that begs the question though.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, we might ask ourselves as adults why is it so important to talk about this?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Why would we want to talk about self-control and why would it be helpful to have the ability to regulate?
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  SPEAKER_00: Several studies have definitely found a connection between self-control and our emotional well-being.
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  SPEAKER_00: So people who have developed the ability for self-control and they can regulate their impulses and they can manage their behaviors, they are from the studies, have been shown to uh meet their goals or able to achieve the goals that they set for themselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes self-control is also called willpower, self-discipline or self-regulation.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, and what it does again is it helps us build the ability to think before we act or think before we react.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, oftentimes when we're talking about um having our emotions, or at least when I'm talking about our emotions, I routinely will say that our emotions matter.
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  SPEAKER_00: Our feelings are valid.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not all of our reactions are, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: Like not all behaviors are valid.
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  SPEAKER_00: So all feelings are valid, but not all behaviors are.
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  SPEAKER_00: So we absolutely can have our feelings and then we can control and understand our feelings, come to some type of regulation before we choose to respond and react.
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  SPEAKER_00: So when the research is also suggesting that when we are able to manage and regulate those emotions and impulses and behaviors, we also are building our coping mechanism and our resiliency as well.
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  SPEAKER_00: So when we have trouble controlling our emotions, for instance, we might not be able to handle even the little stresses of everyday life.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so something that could be considered small or minuscule might actually feel so big.
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  SPEAKER_00: So begs the question though, why is it so difficult, right?
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  SPEAKER_00: Like why would it be difficult to have these this ability to control?
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  SPEAKER_00: And really, when we think about it, it's it's based on our prefrontal cortex, which is critical to our capacity to regulate our emotions and also where that thinking happens.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: So when this part of our brain is involved in all of our executive function, it handles our our complex cognitive activities, it handles our ability to make decisions, to plan, morality, social behavior assessment, all of that is handled in that prefrontal cortex.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so as that matures in our, I think I want to say about 25-ish, then we're able to regulate that on a more on a more consistent basis.
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  SPEAKER_00: However, the amygdala is the part that detects danger.
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  SPEAKER_00: So when we are overly stressed or we're outside of our window of tolerance, our prefrontal cortex actually isn't fully online.
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  SPEAKER_00: Even as adults, it's not fully online, and the amygdala is the thing that's operating because our brain, that part of our brain gets activated trying to ensure survival.
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  SPEAKER_00: So when we are out of our window of tolerance, it's the amygdala that's online, and our prefrontal cortex isn't, which is what makes self-control difficult in those moments when we are overwhelmed, completely stressed out, or conversely, we are in an apathetic state and we're hypo-aroused, we're also outside of our window of tolerance, and therefore that ability to self-control can't happen because we can't regulate.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, self-control is a skill that can be practiced, and so here are some things that might be able to help.
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  SPEAKER_00: One idea is to have clear-cut goals for yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: So having a clear vision of what it is that you're working towards can help build some self-regulation as it also gives you a plan and allows you to make plans against the goals that you're setting because you can break it down into smaller bite-sized pieces.
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  SPEAKER_00: Removing temptation.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, for instance, if you're struggling with self-control, sometimes being able to remove certain certain items that you might be tempted by might be a way of helping develop that muscle of self-control.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, recognizing and knowing your triggers and just paying attention to the circumstances that might contribute to the lack of self-control and being able to, once you're aware of them, figuring out what choices you want to make for yourself to maybe uh limit those interactions.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, creating your own rituals and habits, those that can also help you uh create the muscle of self-control.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, for instance, building a habit of exercise, some type of body movement each day might be a way to start working on regulation, emotional regulation, which can help with self-control.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, practicing makes perfect, right?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, and I use that perfect in air quotes because we know that there's no such thing as absolutely perfect, but uh practicing some self-control in everyday situations, even if it's small, small little things can help build self-control over time.
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  SPEAKER_00: Talking about it with others.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, one of the things that we know is that when we don't talk about things, uh it's a way that we actually start shaming ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: So being sure that when you have your support system and those people that you trust, being able to talk about it with others and with those people that can support you as you are building self-control.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Honoring the wins that you have along the way.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not just about accomplishing things, but it's also about looking at how you showed up and and who you were in order to have that accomplishment happen.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So recognizing those wins and rewarding yourself for those and really acknowledging yourself for those are definitely key ingredients to helping you build self-control and build that ability to um understand what it is that you need with your emotions and being able to build behavior patterns around it.
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  SPEAKER_00: The ability to do this takes time, of course.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I, you know, I'm a big believer in giving yourself some grace as you are working through things like this.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, if you'd like to talk with me about this or any other uh subject around just your own personal development and growth, or if you're feeling stuck or stagnant and want to talk through what mindset shifts you might need, what beliefs might be holding you back, feel free to book a time with me at any time at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
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  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
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  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.