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Love Is What We Do With What We See · Infinite Threads with Bob Barnett

• 0:00
  [music]
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: hey, hey!
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Infinite Threads.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Bob.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: We've spent this week moving through a progression.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Empathy helped us recognize another person's inner world.
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  SPEAKER_00: Compassion, well, it asks what we might do once we understand it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Self-awareness turned the attention back toward us and made us look at the person
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  SPEAKER_00: that we bring into every room.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And yesterday,
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  SPEAKER_00: outward awareness Widened the view and reminded us
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  SPEAKER_00: that there are lives unfolding all around us, whether we notice them or not.
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  SPEAKER_00: Today, all of that comes together in one word.
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  SPEAKER_00: That word is love.
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  SPEAKER_00: We use that word a lot on this show and for good reason.
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  SPEAKER_00: But I don't want to talk about love today as something that we simply feel.
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  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk about what love looks like after we've learned to see more clearly.
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  SPEAKER_00: Because love gets deeper when awareness becomes part of it.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's easy to say that we love people.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's harder to really see them,
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  SPEAKER_00: to notice what they're carrying,
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  SPEAKER_00: to recognize when our own wounds are affecting the way that we respond.
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  SPEAKER_00: To understand that another person may need something different
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  SPEAKER_00: from what we would need in the same situation.
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  SPEAKER_00: No one size fits all.
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  SPEAKER_00: Everybody is different.
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  SPEAKER_00: That kind of love asks more from us.
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  SPEAKER_00: But I think it also gives more.
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  SPEAKER_00: It becomes less about what we imagine that love should look like and more
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  SPEAKER_00: about what actually helps another human being Be all known,
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  SPEAKER_00: respected, safe, and connected.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that looks like warmth, and sometimes it looks like patience.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means giving somebody space.
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  SPEAKER_00: And yes, sometimes love is a boundary.
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  SPEAKER_00: I keep coming back to that because we've done a strange thing with the word love over the years.
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  SPEAKER_00: We've made it sound as though loving somebody means love.
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  SPEAKER_00: Always being agreeable, and it sure doesn't.
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  SPEAKER_00: If someone is harming themselves or somebody else,
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  SPEAKER_00: love may be the thing that says, no, this has to stop.
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  SPEAKER_00: That can still be love.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe especially then, because real love, real love cares about what happens next.
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  SPEAKER_00: It cares If another person's pain becomes real to us,
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  SPEAKER_00: their suffering becomes harder to dismiss.
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  SPEAKER_00: Compassion gives that understanding movement.
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  SPEAKER_00: Self-awareness keeps us from turning our own fear or old pain into somebody else's burden.
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  SPEAKER_00: And outward awareness reminds us that the room is bigger than us.
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  SPEAKER_00: And love, love takes all of that and asks a very practical question.
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  SPEAKER_00: How do I respond in a way that creates more care and less harm?
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  SPEAKER_00: I like that question because it gets love out of the clouds.
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  SPEAKER_00: It gives it somewhere to go.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we've made love too mystical sometimes.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not that there isn't mystery in it.
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  SPEAKER_00: I still believe there is.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's part of what I mean when I talk about the love force.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's something about human connection that seems to move beyond simple transactions.
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  SPEAKER_00: A kindness...
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  SPEAKER_00: A sentence spoken at the right time can change the way a person sees themselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: And the way someone loved us can continue shaping us long after they're gone.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I think we all know that.
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  SPEAKER_00: That feels bigger than a moment.
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  SPEAKER_00: But the mystery still has to show up somewhere.
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  SPEAKER_00: It has to become behavior Otherwise, it just remains an idea.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where this week has been leading.
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  SPEAKER_00: Love is not simply what we feel.
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  SPEAKER_00: It is what we do with what we see.
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  SPEAKER_00: If I see that you're hurting, love may ask me to stay.
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  SPEAKER_00: If I see that I'm reacting from an old wound, love may ask me not to make you pay for it.
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  SPEAKER_00: If I see that somebody is being harmed, love may ask me to step in.
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  SPEAKER_00: And if I realize I've caused the hurt,
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  SPEAKER_00: love may ask me to listen instead of immediately defending myself.
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  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't make us perfect.
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  SPEAKER_00: It makes us more awake.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think love expects perfection from human beings.
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  SPEAKER_00: Thank goodness for that.
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  SPEAKER_00: To misunderstand people.
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  SPEAKER_00: We just are.
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  SPEAKER_00: We will react too quickly.
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  SPEAKER_00: We'll think we're helping when we're actually getting in the way.
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  SPEAKER_00: We'll say something poorly even when we mean well.
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  SPEAKER_00: We're humans.
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  SPEAKER_00: The important question is what happens after we realize it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Can we adjust?
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  SPEAKER_00: Can we apologize?
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  SPEAKER_00: Can we learn?
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  SPEAKER_00: I think you know the answers to those questions.
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  SPEAKER_00: That matters more to me than pretending that we never fail.
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  SPEAKER_00: Love that can repair is far more useful than love that has to imagine itself flawless.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's part of emotional growth.
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  SPEAKER_00: We stop asking whether we are loving people as though it's a permanent label.
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  SPEAKER_00: We start asking Whether we are practicing love well in this moment.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's a more honest question, isn't it?
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  SPEAKER_00: Because people change.
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  SPEAKER_00: We change.
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  SPEAKER_00: We all change.
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  SPEAKER_00: Circumstances change.
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  SPEAKER_00: What felt supportive five years ago may not be what somebody needs today.
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  SPEAKER_00: Love has to pay attention.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's where empathy comes back in.
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  SPEAKER_00: We can't love people well if we refuse to notice who they actually are.
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  SPEAKER_00: And self-awareness matters just as much.
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  SPEAKER_00: If I'm always looking outward but never examining myself,
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  SPEAKER_00: I can convince myself that good intentions excuse everything.
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  SPEAKER_00: And they don't.
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  SPEAKER_00: I can love somebody and still hurt them.
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  SPEAKER_00: I can mean well and still be wrong.
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  SPEAKER_00: That is uncomfortable,
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  SPEAKER_00: but it's healthy to admit it because then love can become responsible instead
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  SPEAKER_00: of merely well-intentioned.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's something else that I want to say before we finish this week.
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  SPEAKER_00: Love is not only for the people that we know personally.
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  SPEAKER_00: You knew I was going to get to that.
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  SPEAKER_00: We may never meet most of the people affected by the choices that we make,
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  SPEAKER_00: but outward awareness reminds us that they're there.
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  SPEAKER_00: The worker that we don't see.
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  SPEAKER_00: The family that we'll never know.
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  SPEAKER_00: The stranger who comes after us.
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  SPEAKER_00: Connection extends beyond our immediate circle.
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  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean that we can care equally about everything all the time.
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  SPEAKER_00: Nobody can do that.
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  SPEAKER_00: But we can remember that our lives are not sealed containers.
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  SPEAKER_00: What we do travels the way we speak travels, the way we respond to fear travels.
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  SPEAKER_00: Cruelty travels.
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  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
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  SPEAKER_00: So does compassion.
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  SPEAKER_00: I think one of the biggest choices we make in life is deciding what we're willing
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  SPEAKER_00: to pass forward.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: We inherit things from the people before us.
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  SPEAKER_00: Some are beautiful and some are painful.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when those things reach us, we get a chance.
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  SPEAKER_00: We get a chance to decide what continues.
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  SPEAKER_00: That may be one of the strongest forms of love that there is.
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  SPEAKER_00: Taking something harmful that came through us and saying, this ends here.
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  SPEAKER_00: Or taking something good we received and deciding this needs to keep going.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's love becoming part of the weave.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not as an abstract idea, but as a choice.
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  SPEAKER_00: Choice.
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  SPEAKER_00: As repair.
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  SPEAKER_00: As kindness that moves from one life into another.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I think That brings us back to where Infinite Threads has been headed for a long time.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe love is not simply one emotion among many.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is the force that helps us use the rest of ourselves wisely.
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  SPEAKER_00: Empathy lets us feel another person's reality.
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  SPEAKER_00: Compassion gives us the urge to care and self-awareness
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  SPEAKER_00: Outward awareness reminds us that there's more to the world than our own experience.
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  SPEAKER_00: And love, well, love is what happens when all of that begins working together.
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  SPEAKER_00: Not perfectly, but humanly.
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  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's enough, don't you think?
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  SPEAKER_00: We don't need to understand every person completely.
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  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I don't think we could.
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  SPEAKER_00: We don't need to solve every problem, and you know we can't do that.
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  SPEAKER_00: We don't need to carry every pain in the world.
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  SPEAKER_00: But we can notice more.
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  SPEAKER_00: We can listen better.
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  SPEAKER_00: We can respond with more care than we did yesterday.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's a version of love that we can actually practice.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe the love force isn't something that we have to prove before we live by it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we recognize it by what it produces.
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  SPEAKER_00: A person who feels seen,
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  SPEAKER_00: a wound that stops traveling,
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  SPEAKER_00: a kindness that keeps going after we've forgotten that we started it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Those things, those things are real.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when enough of them move through enough people,
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  SPEAKER_00: they change the weave.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's what I believe.
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  SPEAKER_00: This week began with seeing another person.
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  SPEAKER_00: It ends with realizing that seeing carries responsibility.
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  SPEAKER_00: Once we know another life is real,
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  SPEAKER_00: and once we understand that our life touches it,
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  SPEAKER_00: Love becomes less about what we feel in private.
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  SPEAKER_00: It becomes what we choose to send forward.
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  SPEAKER_00: I love you guys very, very, very much.
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  SPEAKER_00: And you know what I need you to do.
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  SPEAKER_00: Go out there and pass that on, okay?
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  SPEAKER_00: Later, Gators.
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  SPEAKER_00: Bye-bye.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: Every story, every voice In this love we all rejoice Infinite Threads, here we go.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome your friends, enjoy the show.