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BORROWED OPINION Stop Letting People Who Aren't Living Your Life Make Your Decisions. · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Athena Renee, and this is where the underdogs, the misfits, and the black sheep come to turn pain into power so they can build a life by design and leave a legacy behind.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: If this is your first time tapping in, welcome home, family.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Pull up a chair.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm glad you're here.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if you back again, welcome back, fam.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's good to see you again.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you for trusting me with your time.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't take that lightly.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's do this quick vibe check.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're easily offended, sensitive, entitled, waiting on somebody to come save you, or you're allergic to accountability, get your ass up out of here.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because this ain't your safe space.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead and tap out now.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're ready to think big, move big, and you refuse to live beneath your potential, stay locked in, my friend.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because by the end, you'll walk away with something that you can execute immediately.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get to work.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: In the last briefing, we talked about thinking five moves ahead.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: We explored why strategic thinkers consider the consequences of their decisions instead of simply reacting to the moment.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a question we need to ask before we start planning those next five moves.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Are you making decisions based on what you actually believe or what somebody else taught you to believe?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where today's intelligence begins.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Today's briefing falls under the analyze because we're examining the beliefs and opinions and influencing and influencing over decisions before we act on them.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say it again, y'all.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Today's briefing falls under analyze because we are examining the beliefs and opinions influencing our decisions before we act on them.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So let me ask you something.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Who told you that you couldn't do that?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Who told you that?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Who told you that building a career wasn't for you?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Who told you that starting over at your age was ridiculous?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Who told you that you weren't smart or pretty enough?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or fine enough?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or connected enough or experienced enough?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Who told you that people from your neighborhood don't do those things?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And here's an even better question.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why did you believe them?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because some of us, we're walking around with limitations that somebody else handed us 25 years ago.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: And we never even bothered to check whether they were true.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: We've been paying rent in somebody else's belief system.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's why today's intelligence briefing is called borrowed opinions.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Stop letting other people listen, stop letting people who aren't even living the life you want or living your life make your decisions.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: They're not even living your life.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Let's unpack it.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're going to examine three ways somebody else's opinion can quietly shape your identity, decisions, and your future.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Principle number one, not every belief in your head belongs to you.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I know it sounds so weird, don't it?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: But black sheep, I want you to think about something.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: When you were born, you didn't come into this world with a complete set of opinions about money, right?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't come into this world with all with your own opinions about money, success, relationships, religion, career decisions, or choices, educations, right?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of people you should associate with.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't know what kind of neighborhood you should live in or you were going to live in.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't know.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't know what kind of dreams were realistic or unrealistic.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: You learned those things from your family, your environment, your community, your teachers, your experiences, the television, the internet, and the people you spend time around.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the things, some of those lessons were valuable.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: They protected you, some helped you develop character, but some gave you wisdom that still you benefit from today.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: But others, some of those beliefs, y'all, were somebody else's fear.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: They passed that down to you.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Some of that stuff were somebody else's limitations, and they are presented to you as facts, right?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And some were simply the way that things had always been done.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: But you the black sheet, you here to break the way things have always been done and take to the next level, right?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Think about a family where nobody has ever owned a business, okay?
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so the child might grow up here and get a good job, get a good job.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Don't take them unnecessary risks, don't do this.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you get the good benefits, don't leave and don't leave something stable for something uncertain, right?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you have good benefits, right?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now there's wisdom in some of that, okay.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: There it is.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's wisdom in some of that.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: A good career is excellent, it can be a tremendous asset.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Benefits matter, the company stability, I promise you.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: I like I love these companies.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all don't understand.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: But suppose that child grows up and develops develops valuable skills and identifies a real business opportunity, saves money, does the research, and wants to start building that.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: But every time they consider it, they hear people like us don't do that.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Right now we have a problem because a principle that may have helped one generation survive could become a limitation if the next generation treats it as an unbreakable law.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, see you can honor the people who raise you without adapting every limitation that they lived under.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's maturity, family.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that's an important lesson for black sheep because sometimes you're not rejecting your family, you're simply refusing to make their experiences the ceiling of your own.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, family.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: So don't feel like when you talk about how you want to move, you want to get you a mansion, a mini-mansion, or you want to move to the suburbs or to the city, downtown, a park, sky rides, penthouse, whatever it is, right?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to feel bad about wanting those things.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need any guilt trips about none of that.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody is happy where they at, whether it be in the slums or projects, the ghetto, wherever, if they are cool with it, let them stay.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever that whatever they want, that's what they wanted.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And listen to me, family.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to come if you decide you want to go to the opposite end, you don't have to come and prove to nobody about your decisions.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, see, here's what I want you to understand: a belief can feel familiar without being true, and sometimes and something can feel uncomfortable simply because it's unfamiliar.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we need to investigate our assumptions.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, where did I learn this?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Who taught me this?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: What experience made me believe it?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Is it still relevant?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And most importantly, is it actually true for the life I'm trying to build?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you never examine your beliefs, you can spend your entire life defending a prison you didn't build.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Principle number two everybody has an opinion, but everybody doesn't have the same information.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: See what I'm saying, family?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody got an opinion.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's a saying, opinions are like Cadillac, but guys, I got a good one.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Opinions are like buttholes, everybody has one.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody has one.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously, family.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta understand that.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: But this is even better.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody has an opinion, but everybody does not have the same information.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is why, family, you can't even be responding.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be pressed about responding to everything that somebody says when you make your mind up.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: When you make your decision, family, this is why we move in silence.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is why we move in silence because you know people are gonna talk no matter what, right?
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And when you move in silence, you get to you get to control the way that information comes out, how it's filtered out.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And when people start talking, you already know for a fact that they just talking out the side of their neck because they don't have nothing.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: See, let's talk about it, right?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about advice because black sheep, y'all know we love helping people and giving them advice, especially when they don't have to live with the consequences, right?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: People love giving advice, right?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna tell somebody you're thinking about moving, they have an opinion.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: You tell somebody you're going back to school, they got an opinion.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: You tell them you're thinking about writing a book, they got an opinion, right?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: You tell somebody you're leaving the relationship and now they're a marriage counselor.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing an opinion is not automatically intelligence, and confidence doesn't mean an opinion is accurate.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody can sound extremely certain and still have absolutely no idea what the F they're talking about, family.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you have to evaluate the source.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta evaluate the source, family.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I would never forget, like when I used to hang out, I always hung out with older people just because I'm trying to get the game.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I need wisdom, I know they know a lot, so I used to just ear hustle.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sitting around trying to see what is going on, right?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I used to observe people, how they would come in, and it's like they would just shoot the bubble with you, which simply means they would just bullshit all day long and they wouldn't talk about nothing.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, wow, it used to be funny, but it was crazy because you would instantly think, like, man, okay, you know, sometimes we'll automatically say that this person, you know, they got age on them, so we know they got wisdom.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I did another one with a guy that I was dating, and I was just trying, I was checked checking to see something, and I asked him about something, and because I was actively listening to him, I peeped out that people will make up anything, they'll say anything just to make you feel like they're actually listening to you.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the advice filter.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say you want to write a book, and somebody tells you nobody reads books anymore.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, interesting.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: But let's ask a few questions.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Does that person read?
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Do they study the publishing industry?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Have they published anything?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Have they written anything?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do they understand your audience?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Do they know what kind of book you're writing?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Or are they simply telling you what they personally believe?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because those are two different things.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, don't misunderstand me.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody doesn't have to be successful in your industry to offer a valuable observation.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes an outsider, right, can see something you've missed, and sometimes somebody with decades of experience can still be wrong.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's why the objective isn't to worship credentials, it's to evaluate the information.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: What in what evidence supports the opinion?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Does a person understand the situation?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: What assumptions are they making?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Are they offering a perspective or are they trying to make the decision for you?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And here's another important question: what happens to them if you secede?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, our episode about the hidden game, okay?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody has motives, including you and me, right?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because motive, just because somebody got motives, it doesn't automatically mean they're bad.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody may discourage you because you they genuinely love you and they fear losing you, right?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody else may encourage you because they believe in your potential.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody may criticize your plan because they see a legitimate problem, right?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to assume which one it is, but you should understand that advice comes from a human being with their own experiences, fears, and preferences and incentives.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: So stop outsourcing your decisions.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Stop outsourcing it, right?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheep, this is where accountability comes in because some of us ask everybody else for advice, not because we need more information, but because we don't want the responsibility of deciding, right?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's why sometimes we want people to co-sign us all the time.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: We're looking for people to go ahead and either cosign what we're gonna do already, what we know we already want to do.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody tells you to go and you go, you can blame them that it doesn't work.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Come on now.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: You already knew what you wanted to do, right?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: At some time, at some point, you have to become the person responsible for your own life.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: You can consult people, learn from people, hire experts, ask questions, seek wise cancel, pray about it, do your research.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: But the final decision, y'all, you have to own that joker, okay, y'all.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously, seriously, family.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because the this is the thing, because the people giving you opinions usually aren't going to be the ones living with the consequences.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: You are you are family, all right.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Principle number three.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Stop confusing disagreement with disqualification.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is this one is especially important for black sheep because we've spent years being misunderstood.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you become extremely sensitive to disagreement, all right.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody questions your idea, merely you think they don't believe in me.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they somebody challenges your strategy, and you might think they're trying to hold me back, like they some haters, right?
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody offers a different perspective, and you say, Oh, they just intimidated, right?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe, maybe not.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes somebody is simply giving you information you need, and this is where emotional intelligence becomes a critical.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, every opposing opinion is an attack on your identity.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Some people are trying to protect you, some people are simply trying to help you, or they're trying to get show you a risk that you have not considered yet.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, some people are projecting, right?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: They'll project their own limitations on you.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Your job is to know the difference, the difference between correction and contamination.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the distinct, here's a simple distinction.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Correction sounds like I believe in what you're doing, but your pricing strategy needs work.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Contamination sounds like, who you think you are?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you think you are charging that much?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Correction sounds like your resume isn't communicating your industry.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Contamination sounds like ain't nobody gonna hire you with that.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Correction addresses something you can examine or improve.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Contamination attempts to turn it and shut it down, right?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: They want to judge your identity into it, that's the distinction.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And black sheep, you need to become secure enough to receive correction without accepting it as contamination, okay?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you reject every opinion that makes you uncomfortable, you may also reject the information that could help you succeed.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to agree with everybody.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: We're not co-signing nobody.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Here's another thing.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like I said, family, you can make well, you can make a well-researched decision on your own, and people will still disagree with you.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's life.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody, that's life.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody can love you and disagree with you at the same time.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody can respect you and think your business is a crappy idea or risky, right?
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody can support your growth without understanding every decision you make.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need universal agreement.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: You need clarity, you need information, you need the willingness to take responsibility.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you need the courage to make a decision that others must they just simply won't do for themselves because they aren't you, they don't have your exact experiences, your goals, your calling.
• 13:49
  unknown: Right?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: And they're sure don't have your responsibilities or your vision, and that's why you cannot build an intentional life using everybody else's definition of what your life should look like.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: So here's your three moves.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, identify one borrowed belief, whether it's from family or anything, maybe it's about age, money, career, education, relationship, success, and ask yourself, where did I learn this?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And is it still true?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, audit your advice.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Think about one important decision you're facing and whose opinions are influencing you.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: What experience or evidence supports their advice?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: And what information are you still missing?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Separate the useful intelligence from personal preference.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Move number three, make one decision that belong to you.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Not to prove it to somebody, not to prove somebody wrong or rebel or impress anybody, but make one intentional decision that's based on your values, goals, and your outcome and for the information that you have gathered, because you're the one that gotta live with it, right?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can't respect somebody's perspective without making their limitation your destiny.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know how people say, uh, never forget where you came from and I'm staying around the house, I'm staying where I'm from, next to you know, close to all of my family and all of that.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with that, but that don't mean that's limitations on your destiny, family.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, black sheet, if today's conversation has you questioning some beliefs and limitations you've been carrying, I want to invite you to something.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've created this free black sheet reinvention masterclass to help you get clear about what your next chapter is and begin building an intentional plan for your life.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes reinvention doesn't start when you change a job or move to another city.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it starts changing what you believe is possible for you and then putting a pen behind that new perspective and then putting a plan to it.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Check this out.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: The masterclass is completely free.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: You'll find the link for the registration in the episode description.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: You want to be building a plan, not another wish list.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheet, you can appreciate where you came from without allowing it to dictate everywhere you go.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Examine the belief, own the decision, and build a life that belongs to you.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because information is everywhere and execution is rare.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you on the next episode.