Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #40 Discussing Big Issues

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#40 Discussing Big Issues · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast with Dr Justin Coulson.
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  Speaker 1: We are lukin Susie and this is the podcast for
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  Speaker 1: time poor parents who just want answers now.
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  Speaker 2: And today we have a question from Hannah. Yeah, we're
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  Speaker 2: going to address and it's all in this area of parenting.
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  Speaker 2: Doctor Justin Colson from Happy families dot com, that are
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  Speaker 2: you joining us?
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  Speaker 1: We got the question doctor Justin, and we just went
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  Speaker 1: we're not a.
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  Speaker 2: Quip, no way, We'll let you head throw you.
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  Speaker 1: Under the bus. So let's have a look at this question.
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  Speaker 2: The question from Hannah is about how to talk to
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  Speaker 2: our kids about the big current issues. And there's there's
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  Speaker 2: loads in this area, whether it's about the plever side,
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  Speaker 2: whether it's about shootings overseas, massive disasters and tragedies that
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  Speaker 2: are striking our world all the time. How do we
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  Speaker 2: as parents or do we as parents address these issues
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  Speaker 2: with our children?
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  Speaker 3: Wow?
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  Speaker 4: Okay, so we won't talk about any specific issue because
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  Speaker 4: you've just thrown a lot of issues in. Yeah, and
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  Speaker 4: obviously a lot of people have some fairly strong opinions
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  Speaker 4: about these issues too. So the general response that I
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  Speaker 4: give parents is what are your kids asking the question for?
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  Speaker 4: You know, if you're bringing it up, that's fine. You
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  Speaker 4: can bring it up because you want to educate your
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  Speaker 4: kids about what's gone on overseas or what's happening here
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  Speaker 4: in this country in relation to marriage and relationships and
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  Speaker 4: those kinds of things.
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  Speaker 2: Presumably, if you're bringing it up, you know how to
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  Speaker 2: address it with you.
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  Speaker 4: That's what I would assume. So with Hannah's question, she's saying,
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  Speaker 4: how do you respond? Yeah, And my response to that is,
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  Speaker 4: if they're bringing it up, they've got one of two motives.
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  Speaker 4: They're either concerned or they're curious. Now, normally younger kids
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  Speaker 4: are concerned, but not necessarily that curious.
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  Speaker 3: For example, let's look.
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  Speaker 4: At, you know, that horrific shooting that happened recently in
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  Speaker 4: the United States. Kids are going to bring that up,
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  Speaker 4: particularly if they're younger, because they're concerned about their own safety,
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  Speaker 4: about the safety their family and loved ones, and what
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  Speaker 4: happens if I'm at school or I'm at a concert
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  Speaker 4: and something awful like that happens.
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  Speaker 3: They don't need us to give them all the answers.
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  Speaker 4: They just need us to understand, to empathize, to show love,
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  Speaker 4: to show compassion, consideration. That's where we give them a hug,
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  Speaker 4: and we say when we hear things like that, it's
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  Speaker 4: really scary, isn't it. But as they get older, they
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  Speaker 4: tend to be less concerned because they recognize that it's
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  Speaker 4: on the news, so it must be unusual. And you know,
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  Speaker 4: the news is all about creating outrage and creating fear
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  Speaker 4: because that keeps people watching it, right, that's all the
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  Speaker 4: news is really for outrage and fear, And so they
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  Speaker 4: might not enunciate that well, but they know that that's
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  Speaker 4: what the news is for, to let us know crazy
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  Speaker 4: stuff that's happened, so we can be worried. But they
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  Speaker 4: might be curious instead. And young kids don't tend to
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  Speaker 4: be as curious. They might say why, and then that's
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  Speaker 4: about it.
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  Speaker 2: We have a wire.
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  Speaker 4: But once they get to about the age of and
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  Speaker 4: let's face it, most kids under about the age of
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  Speaker 4: ten don't care about the news anyway.
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  Speaker 3: Under the age of fourteen for crying out loud and
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  Speaker 3: they don't even care.
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  Speaker 4: So that means that if they are coming to you,
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  Speaker 4: they're probably concerned, not curious. Once they get curious, that's
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  Speaker 4: where we start to engage in conversations with them. And
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  Speaker 4: it's pretty simple you say, well, what have you heard?
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  Speaker 4: And how do you feel about that? And what would
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  Speaker 4: you like to know? And then you answer their questions
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  Speaker 4: to the extent that they're curious. Now, whether that's to
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  Speaker 4: do with the plebiscite, you might say, well, what have
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  Speaker 4: you heard, how do you feel about it? What do
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  Speaker 4: you think you know? And what do you think we
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  Speaker 4: should do about it? You know, and you can have
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  Speaker 4: that conversation, whether it's in relation to a tsunami or
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  Speaker 4: a volcano or a shooting or a whatever. You get
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  Speaker 4: to say, well, what have you heard, what do you know,
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  Speaker 4: what do you think? And what can I tell you.
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  Speaker 1: It's interesting because I came across a conversation with my
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  Speaker 1: six year old that related to marriage that just spontaneously
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  Speaker 1: popped up that made me think that he hasn't necessarily
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  Speaker 1: heard anything, but the way he spoke, I went like,
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  Speaker 1: it's right in the center and if he was at
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  Speaker 1: school and in the midst of someone said something like
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  Speaker 1: I almost felt like I maybe needed to equip him
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  Speaker 1: with some knowledge that maybe people are set about this
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  Speaker 1: topic like not to even necessarily talk about. Because he
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  Speaker 1: was talking he knows sort of mummy and daddy, and
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  Speaker 1: that's really all he knows, and at sicks that's probably
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  Speaker 1: he can't grasp much more. But I really struggled with
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  Speaker 1: the should I equip him because if I don't, surely
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  Speaker 1: in some way somebody else is going to. This is
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  Speaker 1: too big an issue for it to be completely avoided
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  Speaker 1: in school yard conversation. But I don't know, like where
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  Speaker 1: should I take that or should I just ignore it.
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  Speaker 2: I've had the same thing with our eight year old
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  Speaker 2: when it comes to America and north career at the moment,
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  Speaker 2: and his thoughts about how much do.
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  Speaker 1: I Yeah, so let's just say they haven't heard anything.
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  Speaker 1: They're not necessarily curious, but it's such a big conversational
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  Speaker 1: topic you have to assume that maybe they can't avoid it.
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  Speaker 3: And they're the topics that are unavoidable.
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  Speaker 4: So when it comes to when it comes to relationships,
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  Speaker 4: marriage and everything related to that, and I've got to
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  Speaker 4: be really clear, I won't be drawn on my opinion
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  Speaker 4: on this. I just think it's too important and people
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  Speaker 4: need to make up their own minds about It's not
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  Speaker 4: my job to influence people, but when it comes to
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  Speaker 4: this particular topic, they go to hear stuff, they're going
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  Speaker 4: to hear it at school, They're going to hear it
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  Speaker 4: from friends, They're going to see it in the media,
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  Speaker 4: they go to see banners in people's yards and on
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  Speaker 4: people's shop fronts for both arguments, and that may prompt
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  Speaker 4: curiosity even in younger kids. In that case, I think
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  Speaker 4: we tell them the facts to the extent that they're curious.
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  Speaker 4: Remembering again that when it comes to issues of procreation
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  Speaker 4: and intimacy, we probably don't plan on having any of
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  Speaker 4: those kinds of conversations until they're at least eight, and
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  Speaker 4: when we start to talk about more complex family relationships
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  Speaker 4: and so on, we would expect that would happen later
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  Speaker 4: than eight as well, So we want to bear that
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  Speaker 4: in mind. But ultimately, if they're asking the question, we
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  Speaker 4: need to be responsive to that, and at that point
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  Speaker 4: we have the opportunity to engage with them about what
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  Speaker 4: they think about it, and also share our values with them,
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  Speaker 4: because as parents it's our job to share our values
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  Speaker 4: when it comes to something like North Korea. I mean,
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  Speaker 4: if I've got a child who says to me, and
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  Speaker 4: one of my kids did say this the other day, dad,
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  Speaker 4: do you think that there could really be a war,
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  Speaker 4: and she's quite young, she was. You know, she's one
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  Speaker 4: of my younger kids, and I didn't think i'd ever
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  Speaker 4: hear something like that from her. And I said, what
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  Speaker 4: makes you worry about and she said, it sounds like
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  Speaker 4: the guy that runs North Korea is really scary and
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  Speaker 4: just absolutely horrible.
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  Speaker 3: We should just blow him up.
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  Speaker 4: And I said, wow, you've really taken an interest in
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  Speaker 4: international relations. Maybe we can explore some ideas together. And
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  Speaker 4: so we had a chat about what the media is
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  Speaker 4: telling us and how we really have no idea what's
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  Speaker 4: going on, and then we talked about what we can
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  Speaker 4: do to make.
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  Speaker 3: Our lives secure and predictable, given.
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  Speaker 4: That that is so far out of our opportunity to
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  Speaker 4: have any influence over.
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  Speaker 1: It's quite funny because our kids, as young as they are,
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  Speaker 1: never escaped Donald Trump being president. Like they were coming
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  Speaker 1: to us with political analysis of this man who's running
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  Speaker 1: America and it was just came from YouTube, and it
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  Speaker 1: came from all the school. Yeah, and there's lots of
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  Speaker 1: different areas just because information is so readily available, Like
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  Speaker 1: in the old when I was growing up, you had
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  Speaker 1: to read it in a newspaper or watch it on
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  Speaker 1: the six o'clock news. So we never we never get
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  Speaker 1: caught up on all of the stuff. But with all
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  Speaker 1: of the information so accessible, it's a very interesting world
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  Speaker 1: to navigate as apparently.
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  Speaker 2: But I love the simplicity of that that when our
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  Speaker 2: children come to us, we just need to determine are
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  Speaker 2: they curious or concerned? That's a simple first question to answer.
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  Speaker 3: I think so and they neither.
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  Speaker 4: Give them some empathy or ask them what they know,
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  Speaker 4: how they feel and what you can help them with.
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  Speaker 2: From Happy families dot com dot are you the man
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  Speaker 2: with some wisdom and answers when it comes to parenting,
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  Speaker 2: Doctor Justin Coilson, Thank you for your time.
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  Speaker 3: Thanks guys.
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  Speaker 2: To find resources answering a lot more questions, you can
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  Speaker 2: find those at the website Happy families dot com dot au.
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  Speaker 2: Or if you're interested in having doctor Justin Colson speak
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  Speaker 2: at your community, group, organization, or event, you can find
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  Speaker 2: out more about that at Justinculson dot com.