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Are You in a Toxic Relationship? The Four Types of Narcissists · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWather.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're looking to grow your brand and generate leaders either podcast or video production, head over to walkweather.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening when you've chosen to tune into this episode, I just want to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend here with me.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And today's topic is something that uh has been coming up a lot in coaching conversations recently with my clients, and a lot of it has to do with uh being in some toxic dynamics and different relationships, not just not just um romantic relationships, but also workplace relationships, uh other family dynamics, and even friendships.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so I really just wanted to address some of those manipulation tactics that we are seeing in some toxic relationships.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um oftentimes um we are in those relationships and we form a strong bond with that individual.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we are in those toxic dynamics, um, especially with somebody who is exhibiting, for instance, narcissistic traits, it can be extraordinarily uh draining.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: It can also cause suffering and distress because being in a relationship that has those toxic dynamics can start to affect your mental and emotional health as well as your physical health.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we think about it, when you're in those dynamics, you start thinking certain ways, you start believing certain things, and eventually that creates stress and can cause anxiety as well, and those things undealt with absolutely start taking a toll on us from a physical perspective as well as from an emotional perspective.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um and and let's be clear that narcissism and narcissistic and and all of those terms have started to become uh used a lot in everyday language.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just want to really be clear around what I'm referring to when I'm when I am speaking of narcissistic personality um traits.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: So for instance, um researchers have said that those with a narcissistic personality, now I'm not gonna say that narcissistic disorder, I'm I cannot diagnose that.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: You actually have to go and be diagnosed to see if you have um narcissistic personality disorder.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: However, there are three subtypes of that tendency or that that those traits, the narcissistic traits.
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  SPEAKER_01: There's the grandiose or overt narcissist personality type.
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  SPEAKER_01: That's where they're charming yet somewhat heartless.
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  SPEAKER_01: Umt narcissists are self-absorbed, they tend to be authoritarian and they feel entitled.
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  SPEAKER_01: There's also the vulnerable or covert narcissist where they appear somewhat cold and have a strong sense of entitlement, um, and they are exploited exploitative and um really do lack empathy.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: There's the communal narcissist personality type where they're kind on the surface, but underneath there's there's that manipulative part of them, or the malignant or toxic narcissist type where they're just immoral, immoral, cruel, and aggressive, and they feel pleasure, they actually get somewhat of a pleasure in hurting people.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um now here's the thing about these that these personality traits, they can kind of go back and forth.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like you might experience somebody who at times has that grandiose overt portion of their personality type, and then they might also have the covert.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: And when we talk about covert narcissism, we're really referring to those that tend to um constantly feel like they're victimized, and they but when they talk about it, they're not just in victimhood, they're also putting the other person at fault.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it's true that narcissists or those with that personality trait are extraordinarily good at manipulation because that's how they get inside the other person's head.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: So if we're talking about a workplace dynamic and somebody's exhibiting those narcissistic personality traits, it's no wonder that you start self-doubting yourself at work, for instance.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because when you're on that spectrum, when you're on that narcissism spectrum, you end up having this high ability to manipulate and exploit the other person or exploit ways in order to make the other person feel um almost like they're less than or that they need they need to be the one apologizing to you.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so it's just something to be on the lookout in terms of just, you know, and this is what this episode is about, like just those manipulation manipulation tactics that are most common.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: The very most common one, and I'm hearing it a lot lately, is just gaslighting.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Gaslighting is that strategy where they use um the they use questioning or denial to make the other person feel like either they're crazy or they don't have a good memory or common sense.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, they will twist the truth or modify how you remember a situation so that you start to really honestly question your own reality and what you know to be true.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, narcissistic people or those with that personality trait tend to seek out codependent personalities.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: So the relationships themselves will involve, you know, codependency itself is two people who are kind of in this relationship where they're in need of each other.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: So they they seek out people who have that personality trait as well.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we see this a lot in friendships, for instance, we see it in romantic relationships, we even see it in family relationships.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh another manipulation tactic is uh guilt.
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  SPEAKER_01: They will not accept responsibility for their words, and instead they'll find a way to blame you.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And they may not come out and say it's your fault.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: The way that they describe it maybe could be putting themselves in that victimhood uh or they're the victim of your actions to try to make you feel guilty in a very covert way.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um some other manipulation tactics are triangulation, and what I mean by that is that they try to manipulate the situation by bringing a third party into it so that that interaction creates this triangular um dynamic, and that's a way that they maintain control.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, another tactic is love bombing.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: So let's say that they have um they are wanting to bring you into their fold, they're gonna tell you all the things that you want to hear, bombard you with that love and attention, and then put you on that pedestal, make you feel really great about yourself, and then of course the cycle starts where they start devaluing you.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: And we see this a lot in that toxic cycle where there's the love bombing and then something shifts, and now we start devaluing the the person starts getting devalued, then there's like this quiet period, and then we come back into the love bombing phase.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh again, I mentioned this earlier, but I'll say it again.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, tactic is playing the victim.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, when their ego is challenged, they will respond abusively, and when things get worse and they have no and you have no choice but to try to fight back by standing up for yourself, they'll utilize your protective behaviors to demonstrate how they are the victim.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: And and and so, in some sense, not only are they playing the victim, they're also trying to guilt you and shame you at the same time.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, oftentimes another tactic that's used is to try to make you feel like you're a child or to um make you feel as though you are immature in the situation.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, the last one is to try to get revenge.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, oftentimes when they're when they feel like their back is up against the wall and they things aren't working, they'll try to get revenge upon you.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: So, the question that often comes up in in conversation with clients who are in toxic dynamics is how do you deal with this?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: How do you protect yourself?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: The very first thing is to become aware of what's happening.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so often when we're in a relationship, and it doesn't matter what type of a relationship, again, it can be any dynamic, we go in really trusting the other person.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it's becoming aware of the tactics, becoming aware of what's really happening, so that then with that awareness you can decide what you want to do for yourself.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: And one of those things could be setting boundaries around how you're gonna communicate, what you're gonna communicate, um, making sure that you prioritize self-care, making sure that you honor what's happening for you, what you're feeling, give yourself permission to name what you need, and then seeking out assistance and support from either loved ones, um, other loved ones that you can feel that you do feel safe with, or seeking support from a coach or a therapist or somebody who can really help you unpack what's happening for you.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: If you are going through a situation like this and would like support, feel free to book a time to speak with me at any time at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Username it is authentic me.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.