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Sometimes There's Side Eye - Episode 7: The Shame Game · Sometimes There's Side Eye

0:16
Welcome to sometimes their side. I a podcast about two friends,
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having real and unfiltered conversations about dogs and
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people listened. As we talk about our lives, with
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dogs, training Behavior, share some laughs, and a whole lot of
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banter. I'm Heather, I'm Christy.
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Today we are going to be talking about the subject of shame.
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But first, if you would like to pause the podcast and go and
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share subscribe rate Or even leave us a review.
0:47
If you've enjoyed our previous episodes, feel free to do that
0:50
and then rejoin us because we're not going anywhere, Heather.
0:53
Let's get into Shane and the shame spiral that sometimes
0:57
comes with dog behavior. Yes.
1:00
And dog owners, dog. In general.
1:02
Yeah, I was reminded of my journey with my pit bull Lucy
1:08
earlier and I wanted to talk about the subject of shame
1:12
because I think that it is Something that should be talked
1:16
about more and I think it's something that we should all be
1:21
willing to be open about when not just Shaymin General.
1:24
But when something happens with our dogs in regards to behavior
1:28
training or whatever it is, and it just doesn't go the way that
1:31
we expected because a lot of times when things don't go the
1:35
way we expect, there's also a lot of heartbreak and
1:37
disappointment that goes along with that.
1:40
And you what you lot of fear, a lot of fear.
1:43
Yes. Yeah.
1:45
And what you Really need is support and understanding but
1:48
instead we all sort of close in on ourselves and send ourselves
1:53
down this little shame spiral. And so, I know we've talked
1:58
about my situation with my Lucy before, but I thought that we
2:01
would revisit it and then just kind of talk about this topic in
2:05
general. As a reminder, I did adopt a
2:08
pitbull Lucy, when she was 14 weeks old, and we ended up
2:14
having her in She was eleven and the majority of her life was
2:19
spent in our home in a crate and rotate situation because Lucy
2:23
and it up not being dog social with the dogs that she lived
2:27
with and it was a really long journey, but I want to back up
2:31
to when we started having problems when she was about 16
2:35
months old. So first of all, at that point
2:38
in my life, I was already a hardcore Pitbull Advocate, and I
2:43
was an advocate of not just pit bulls, but In general, I was so
2:47
passionate about pit bulls and how amazing they are and I still
2:52
believe that they are amazing. I've had four, I wouldn't have
2:55
had four in my life and talk about them.
2:57
The way I do with so much love, if I didn't think they're
3:02
amazing but at the same time, having a pit bull, who one is a
3:07
rescue, which you're advocating for and then two ends up having
3:12
dog issues and then three on top of It honestly is a female, it
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brings up all these different myths and all these different
3:21
things that people say and think about and talk about and
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especially people who are anti Pitbull, and I felt so much
3:32
shame. And I felt so much
3:35
disappointment with myself if I didn't put it on my dog, and
3:39
it's not her fault. It wouldn't belong there, but I
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just felt so much Much shame. That is the only word and I
3:49
spent a really long time not talking about the fact that Lucy
3:54
didn't get along with other dogs and that she couldn't be in a
3:58
home, you know, socializing with her her housemates because there
4:02
was this big. I didn't want to do that, to the
4:05
Pitbull reputation, and I didn't want to do that to rescue dogs
4:10
reputation. And I didn't want people to look
4:13
at her and just e that, you know, And let me tell you I was
4:17
judged plenty just based on Lucy being a Pitbull.
4:21
Yeah, I had her at into digital and agility trial and was asked
4:24
if I fight her as well. So I literally had the Lord
4:29
knows things happen, but for me, I was living this really
4:33
isolated period in my life where I felt like I couldn't talk to
4:38
anybody or be honest about what was going on except for people
4:43
really, really close to me. And I I wanted to protect her
4:47
and protect pit bulls in general, but what I really ended
4:50
up doing was probably not being while.
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I wasn't being real, I felt all of this embarrassment and there
5:00
were so many people that I could have talked to, if we had all
5:03
just been open about it, I guess is where I'm coming from, Kristy
5:07
Schnabel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:09
I'm I'm, I'm adamantly agreeing because I even wrote down them
5:13
on the notes that I wanted. Make sure that we had, that was,
5:17
it's important to know like, where shame comes from.
5:20
Why does it exist those types of thing?
5:22
And one of the ideas that just was so, prevalent, in my mind
5:26
was one, you don't want anyone to think less of your dog or of
5:31
you. First of all, you know, you
5:33
don't want people to think that your dog is a jerk.
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What do you want people to like you and your dog?
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Some people say, I don't care about that but let's be honest,
5:41
you don't want them to think you have an out-of-control dog or to
5:44
think episode. You or your dog, but also,
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there's a lot of pressure hood on adopters.
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Yes to not put rescues or pitbulls specifically, in a bad
5:56
light. Yeah, and I know so many people
5:59
will will say things to me, like, well, I kind of want to
6:03
talk to you about this, but it's about a pimple and they're not
6:05
so great. And I'm like, that's okay.
6:08
I don't believe every couple is MM.
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Amazing. I don't think every pit bulls
6:12
like, Lucy. I don't think, you know, I don't
6:14
don't get three bolts. It's amazing.
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I don't think every golden retriever is amazing.
6:18
We had to convince you to think Tater is amazing.
6:22
That's true. But you get what I'm saying?
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I mean dogs will be dogs. Will be dogs.
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Yeah, yeah but there is a lot of pressure because I think yeah
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the rescue Community has done a good job at kind of advertising.
6:34
The idea of these are not second hand dogs or second-rate dogs or
6:39
less than but sometimes that idea comes with the idea that
6:43
they are. They don't Have any behavioral
6:46
issues ever, right? And I'm not saying that if you
6:50
adopt a dog you get behavioral issue dot likely every dark I
6:54
can have a baby for a shoe right?
6:56
Yeah but any dog. Yeah.
6:58
Can have a behavior issue and so I think people kind of go into
7:02
that protecting because they don't want anyone else like if
7:05
I'm honest and I share my story does that mean no like none of
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my family or friends going to adopt a dog now?
7:12
Right do they all hate pit bulls now, right?
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Do they have All hate, whatever breed it doesn't even have to
7:17
be, you know, they all hate Rottweilers now like, right, you
7:21
know, whatever. It's a lot of pressure.
7:24
It is and I was thinking about. So I was thinking about how once
7:29
I started being open and honest about Lucy's issues, as I grew
7:36
up and became more secure in who I was as a dog owner, I was more
7:43
willing to talk about these things, right?
7:45
Right. So as time went on, I used to
7:49
just say to people, you know they would say because honestly
7:53
for a long time I didn't get this question later with her in
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life but for a long time I would say oh yeah we have a, we have
8:00
two pit bulls and one of the things, first things people
8:03
would ask me was do they get along and I will be straight
8:07
with you? I have lied.
8:08
I have lied in the past for the sake of other pit bulls who need
8:14
homes. And because I knew that it
8:17
wasn't about her being a pit bull.
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It's so I mean, let's just go back and listen to our it's all
8:23
in how you raise them and genetics and blah, blah, blah.
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You know, it's so much bigger than that.
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And I understood that and I understood that the person who
8:30
is asking that question was uneducated.
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And so I'm like, you know, automatically like shelling up
8:36
and being like, Oh yeah, she's fine, you know, when in reality
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I'm not being real and that's not helping anything either.
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And And I wouldn't do that at this point in my life because
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well, it is what it is. I mean, people you're just going
8:52
to hear it like Jesus, we have a podcast, but I also have had a
8:58
really long journey in dogs in general.
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And so I feel, you know, comfortable kind of voicing what
9:04
my beliefs are at this moment in time which are ever evolving.
9:08
And so, I don't feel all that pressure but now if someone said
9:13
to me something, you know about Lucy.
9:15
No. Getting along.
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I would probably say well we're all individuals and I don't like
9:19
everyone, I meet and I'm not forced to live with them.
9:22
Yeah, go. Yeah, but absolutely not helpful
9:28
to people who are living in this situation right now.
9:32
No matter what the issue is from, hey, my dog, one dog
9:37
starts barking at the other dog, which makes them both start
9:40
barking. And now we have a bark Fest
9:41
right to something as serious as in her household has Freshen the
9:46
whole gamut. Yeah, I just want to open the
9:50
door for honest. Real conversation about how
9:54
we're living with our dogs. Absolutely.
9:59
Yeah. And I think a lot to confirm
10:03
nowadays, maybe not so much. Like when you first got your
10:06
Lucy but nowadays what I see online on social media is
10:13
perfection two dogs playing. Together, who are best friends?
10:17
Yes, but I don't or pictures of, you know, the family and the
10:21
kids and the dogs. All together, what you don't see
10:25
is that two weeks ago, the toddler accidentally opened the
10:29
crate and there was a huge fight and there was blood everywhere.
10:33
Yeah, it was a bloodbath because you know, they fought over a
10:36
resource that which was our reality.
10:38
Yes, yeah. And we don't have a job the
10:41
toddler. Yeah.
10:43
Scooped up the toddler and got out of Got their kids to safety
10:47
before they could ever come back for the dogs.
10:49
You know, to say nobody is telling you that on social
10:53
media. Yeah.
10:55
Very few. And I don't know that that's the
10:57
place to say it, but I do want to warn that don't compare
11:01
yourself when you say. But I have 50 friends with who
11:05
are in the same situation and they're making that work.
11:07
And they're not perfect, are quote, perfect?
11:10
Yeah. Yeah, let me tell you Thiago and
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tater. Get along fan.
11:15
Stickley, however, probably six months ago, we did have a start
11:20
of a I mean it wasn't going to be like a full fledge like
11:24
bloodbath but we had the start of an argument over a piece of
11:27
pizza crust. Okay.
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And I was like in that like slow motion.
11:37
Yeah, I was too late and it is the first time that they've been
11:44
together. Four and a half years that we've
11:46
ever had something happen but it did and that's reality.
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Does that mean my dogs? You know can't be together?
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What? Know, they're sleeping on the
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floor together right now? But it sure as shit means that
11:58
the next time I have pizza crust crust.
12:00
It's going to look a little different, but my point is, I
12:03
have two dogs to get along great, and we still have
12:06
management and I have Tiago who's perfect, but we still have
12:13
things that happen. You haven't fooled?
12:16
No. Not because of that.
12:17
But because because you have to, you have two dogs living in
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Bob's. Yes.
12:22
Yeah, and our dogs relationships are complex and so everything is
12:29
so complex. Feel like, you're alone.
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I hate that for anyone. I hate that.
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Anyone feels like they are alone in their struggles.
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I hate that. Anyone feels shameful about
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something that's going on in Their world that doesn't feel
12:47
perfect because we've all been there and maybe not in the exact
12:52
picture, but I want people to feel comfortable enough to be
12:57
like talked about you, for it to be talked about and for them not
13:00
to be judged because also when we open the lines of
13:05
communication, sometimes we get Solutions or ideas.
13:10
Yeah, I think you can get a lot of bad ideas off of social
13:13
media, so go to some Trust. Resources.
13:16
First that would be my suggestion and then when you're
13:20
more comfortable, you can share your story.
13:22
Yeah. To help.
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Others know that they're not alone either.
13:27
Yeah. If you decide to, if you, if you
13:30
want to be brave in that way, but it's social medias tough.
13:32
Because there's a lot of judging eyes for no reason to.
13:36
Yes. And I think that's where a lot
13:38
of things. Get shared.
13:39
Yeah, mine everyone has an opinion.
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Let me tell you, I had an opinion about all sorts of
13:44
things until I Perience them. And then I was like wow that was
13:48
was high and mighty of you. How good do you like?
13:52
Okay, that didn't just whip into shape.
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Like I thought it would like that.
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Okay, no it's like yeah, it's true.
14:02
For example, like Julius is again, the easiest dog to live
14:05
with super fun. He has all the amazing qualities
14:10
but he is leash reactive. And so, I'll be honest in his
14:14
defense, I had Not been working on that hard because you were
14:18
busy building, so dry, but a dog.
14:20
I was, yeah, I was working on food drive so the leech
14:25
reactivity was kind of on the back burner.
14:27
He was getting some walks you just and Lucy was just messing
14:31
up my life with her health issues.
14:32
So he wasn't getting consistent walks in any way, which isn't
14:36
great for him. But a couple weeks ago I message
14:39
Heather that we had started doing walks consistently.
14:43
I'm managing I'm working on some Different things for leash
14:47
reactivity, trying some different things and I really
14:50
felt like the day before I was like Heather I got you could see
14:54
how great he's gonna send me a message so I could get literally
14:58
four minutes before this incident happens.
15:01
I'm thinking, man, I'm going to make Heather, come on a walk
15:04
because this is just so amazing like how much progress he's
15:07
made. I walk up a hill and there's a
15:10
dog on a leash, who is not even looking at Julia's, looking down
15:14
at a trash. And sniffing the trash can
15:17
Julius runs to the end of my long line.
15:20
And luckily, I always keep a lot of distance, but I was surprised
15:24
to see a dog up there. He runs barking growling,
15:27
snapping and instantly, I'm mad. I am furious with him.
15:33
I want to take away every resource from him.
15:35
You don't deserve true. This is you guys.
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I am not proud of this moment. I'm sharing it because what I
15:41
realized was there talking to Heather and doing some
15:44
self-respect and I was embarrassed in that moment that
15:48
I felt like I was a better trainer than them and so he had
15:52
gotten out of my control in front of another human being, he
15:55
doesn't know me, he doesn't care, he just thinks my dog's a
15:58
jerk who doesn't even know. He's a foster, he knows nothing
16:01
about me and never see that guy again.
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Not Christy you're not wearing a sign like telling him all the
16:06
important points about you so that he could then make
16:09
judgment. He literally knows nothing by
16:11
the way. I do a podcast and now I feel
16:14
like a fake. But luckily, in the moment, I
16:18
was smart enough to think don't take away all his resources like
16:22
even though my initial was like, you don't deserve true, don't
16:25
take away his resources like keep doing Street, scatters.
16:28
Do now that you have his attention back like, let's
16:30
re-engage. Let's but then I told her all
16:34
about it. Yes.
16:35
I just expected to be further along.
16:37
I think, even though I hadn't put the time in, I expected like
16:41
once I did it like a couple times, we would just be once he
16:44
had so many great. Great days in a row I thought we
16:47
would just be over it now and we could just move on it even
16:50
though I know logically that's not right.
16:52
What works anyone else I would be?
16:54
Like you're being ridiculous, I love you but you're being
16:57
ridiculous. So and at the end of the day
17:01
they are dogs and their needs and wants and all these
17:07
different things are completely different from ours and we
17:10
can't. Look at them and say, hey guy,
17:13
are you having a rough day? What do you need?
17:15
Today or hey guys why do you not feel like going for a walk
17:19
today? Because you have no spoons left.
17:21
Or Hey guys does your leg hurt today?
17:24
Because you're like 11 and you have arthritis.
17:27
You get what I'm saying? I mean, we have these
17:30
conversations with them but yet, we are still going out.
17:35
We're having them have an off day, we're being embarrassed
17:39
about it and then we're putting ourselves into this little shame
17:42
box. And we're like, oh, Christy You
17:45
shot your, a terrible Handler. Oh Christian, you know and it's
17:50
like great it's the shame spiral because it started with like you
17:54
suck, you don't know what you're doing as a trainer so you suck
17:58
as as just a dog parent in general and then it went to like
18:02
well you're you're a fake cuz you're doing a podcast.
18:05
So you're a jerk because you thought about taking away his
18:09
treat. Also you're the shoe 80s Foster,
18:11
we've ever seen, but probably the probably someone should take
18:15
this. Bastard are from me because like
18:17
pool. So they're taking away Julia's
18:19
from from Christy because clearly Kitty balls here and
18:23
clearly it is Arabic a miracle, she's kept Lucy alive for 12
18:27
years. I mean really people kind of is
18:31
no God no but you know what else?
18:33
I was just thinking about. I was thinking about how we also
18:38
do it. Not just to protect the dogs
18:42
when they're living, we do it to protect them in death too
18:45
because Remember how I was saying my memories?
18:47
Everything happened with cash and I didn't want to talk about
18:51
it because I don't want anyone to remember him that way as if
18:56
that small little snippet and time was enough to erase
18:59
everything else. And then that made me think
19:02
about the fact that there's an entire group on Facebook of
19:08
people who have had to do. Behavioral euthanasias, that has
19:12
literally grown, too. Oh my I don't even know how big
19:16
it is. Now it's tens of thousands of
19:19
Neville that group is losing Lulu, right?
19:21
Using Lulu. In case anyone get leads to find
19:24
support, it is not to help you discuss Behavior or anything
19:28
like that or help make a decision.
19:29
There's other groups for that this is solely a grief support
19:33
group and it's this incredible community that has grown, but it
19:38
grew from the idea of shame, I mean, it grew because a very
19:45
well, Well respected trainer and dog, behaviorist chose to
19:48
euthanize. Her foster who was dog
19:51
aggressive and really horrific lie.
19:54
Attacked one of her personal dogs and she was maligned and
19:59
just torn apart online because she was public about it.
20:03
Instead of going into that shame spiral, she turned it into this
20:09
Legacy and this beautiful support Community for other
20:13
people who have been through this.
20:15
But I guess my point is here is this massive community of people
20:22
who have found each other because they felt so much shame
20:25
over. Something that just is an awful
20:27
awful thing to happen in their life.
20:30
Yeah. When I guarantee whatever you're
20:32
going through with your dog or your dog's Behavior, whatever it
20:36
is, you're not the first person to go through that.
20:39
You're not the only person to go through that.
20:41
That doesn't lessen it because it is.
20:43
Yeah. Reeking Well, whatever you're
20:46
going through, it sucks. It's miserable not too, right?
20:50
Yeah. It's definitely not to bless
20:52
them that but it's to let you know.
20:54
Like, you're not alone in it either.
20:56
You're not the first person. You won't be the last person.
21:00
So, so find other people who either can support you because
21:04
they've been through it or can support you in a way because
21:08
they're familiar with with those behaviors or that situation and
21:13
I don't think you should feel shame.
21:15
You know, I think it goes back just like you said to, it's kind
21:18
of all in how you raise them to that.
21:20
We feel like we did something wrong if they turn out to have
21:24
these behavior issues but guess what?
21:26
Like no one is perfect. No one is doing it. 100% all the
21:30
time. No, and no one's just, you can't
21:33
come happy products either. So you are your 50%.
21:38
You know. I mean, I don't know what the
21:39
actual ratios, but, you know, you're, you're also walking.
21:43
How do I want to say you're like, walking?
21:45
Against the genetics as well. You know what I mean in this
21:49
journey. So it's a journey where you're
21:50
walking alongside that dogs genetics at the same time.
21:55
And that is something to remember and, to give yourself
22:00
Grace. And I know it feels hard because
22:03
I've been there. It is hard to give your dog
22:06
Grace. Sometimes it was really hard
22:09
after a fight where Lucy tried to kill.
22:13
And I mean, she was I was trying to kill Layla.
22:17
It was really hard to look at my dog who I loved so much and had
22:22
spent so much time working with to look at her afterwards and
22:28
the blood and everything, you know, not to be graphic.
22:31
But I mean, it really is it goes to the whole, all the emotions
22:35
behind it. Yeah.
22:36
And to just it was really hard to sort of get back to a place.
22:41
And I think that's normal and I think that that's you Don't feel
22:45
bad about that, either those emotions are real and they're
22:49
raw. And all of this stuff when you
22:52
have inner household stuff, going on, when you have dog,
22:56
reactivity happening, when you have all these different
22:58
Behavior things where there is an element of shame that that's
23:02
heavy heavy stuff. Give yourself Grace, find
23:06
moments to give your dog Grace, like, be kind to yourself.
23:10
And like Christy said, the try to find Community try to find
23:14
people. So I understand you and if they
23:17
don't understand you man, just go in the opposite direction.
23:21
Maybe that's not the friend that you talk to about your dog
23:25
behavior problem. You know, we need to feel like
23:30
we can find support need each other.
23:32
Yeah, yeah. I definitely think there's been
23:35
such a focus for so long on supporting our dogs, which is
23:39
great. I love that.
23:42
I want to support our dogs and every way we can because there
23:45
Such an important part of my life.
23:47
They think, sometimes we forget to support each other and that
23:51
in that journey and supporting your dog is supporting yourself
23:54
to like, that's an important part.
23:57
And so, I think we need to think through, like how we can better
23:59
support each other. Yeah.
24:01
In those situations to, and it's sometimes it's not coming up
24:04
with solutions for your friend, who comes to you and says, hey,
24:08
this is the situation I'm facing sometimes, it's just listening
24:12
and sometimes you might have to ask like, are you Signe as
24:16
someone who can give advice or as just as your friend.
24:19
You just want to listening here. I think that's, that's an
24:22
important way to support each other to is, is to just be there
24:25
and listen. Yeah.
24:27
Yeah. We have brought dogs into our
24:29
lives, in every single way, and I'm here for it.
24:33
Okay. Yeah.
24:34
Me too. Dogs are legit everything in my
24:37
life, that's fast. But we cannot forget the human
24:42
element and we We have to remember ourselves in that and
24:50
we have to make sure that we are okay, that shame spiral.
24:56
It's really really ugly and it I get it and I've been there and
25:03
I'll probably be there again at some point but if you can just
25:06
take a moment and kind of peek out and look for somebody who's
25:11
you know, kind of Holding up a flag for you being like, hey,
25:16
you know, like Safe Harbor the whole thing and and just look
25:21
for that person and open up to them.
25:24
I really think that you might find some understanding, you
25:27
didn't expect and some honesty that you didn't expect and
25:33
things might not feel as shamey and I as as terrible as they
25:39
were before just because you have some solidarity and And
25:44
somebody to share with you, I think there's just the kind of
25:47
almost as a side note. I think shame sometimes leads to
25:51
dangerous situations. I feel like people are ashamed
25:55
that their dog is, maybe not friendly with every day.
25:57
Oh, yeah or not friendly with people and so they're like, oh
26:01
no they're great with other dogs and shove them into a situation
26:04
that acts like oh I hate other dog, please.
26:09
And then it's like, well, clearly I can't trust my owner
26:11
like I gotta fight for my life. Here.
26:13
Yeah, or people reaching it like, oh, is your dog friendly?
26:17
I tell people. She's not unfriendly.
26:19
Yeah, so probably hurt your feelings because she'll sit by
26:21
you and pretend to be your friend, and then you reach down
26:24
to pet her, and she moves away. It was like, I allow my dog to
26:27
move away. Like, if she asks away, she does
26:29
not want to be pet, do not pursue her, but I think a lot of
26:32
people are like, no, you have to know.
26:35
My dog is friendly here. My pet and my dog has to allow
26:38
you to pet them. Yeah.
26:39
It's like there's some shame in that.
26:42
Yeah. That's why I also don't trust
26:45
people when they say my dog is friendly.
26:47
That's okay. Thank you.
26:50
Your seems like, I'll keep my fingers.
26:51
Thank you. I would like to keep my fingers
26:53
intact. I would like to keep my dog's
26:55
face intact but I do believe. Okay.
26:59
So part of this comes from a misunderstanding of dog
27:02
behavior. So there's that's like a whole
27:04
nother subject but I do I do think you're right that there is
27:08
an element of dogs being uncomfortable in.
27:13
Situations. But people feel shame me about
27:16
it. And so, they want their dog to
27:18
be that social butterfly and so doesn't, right?
27:23
So then we're pushing that on a dog, and so that whole, it's
27:30
like that whole shame spiral thing there.
27:33
I get it, I get it and it's tough because we all I think it
27:38
goes back to like, hey, this is your dog is an individual.
27:42
And just Understand who they are and just man let let that flag
27:47
wave like if your dog does not want XYZ go on say it, don't be
27:53
afraid of it. Don't feel bad about it, you
27:56
know, just be confident. I think that's why I don't care
27:59
anymore because I'm just like, look, this is the way it is.
28:01
And yeah, you don't have to feel shame about it.
28:05
It's just, this is feel good. And feel confident in saying
28:09
this is who my dog is, and if we can all just Open up more than
28:15
everyone will have the free space to say.
28:17
Hey this is who my dog is and we can all learn to like respect
28:21
those boundaries and then the shame doesn't have to happen
28:24
because we're all just being open and we don't have to feel
28:27
bad. Yeah, yeah, because I know I
28:30
used to push Lucy, Beyond her limits at social event.
28:33
Yes. And then we'll just like, try to
28:35
cover up her behavior. Yeah.
28:37
She's trying to muzzle punch you because she's friendly like, not
28:41
like people to feel uncomfortable.
28:43
Boiling any situation at her right and I think you know, like
28:48
Heather Soca to be like, oh my dogs, over threshold, looks like
28:51
Lucy, might be over threshold. Like we should leave, you know,
28:55
but that's Heather today. Heather, five years ago or ten
28:59
years ago. No, I probably would have asked
29:02
way too much of my dog. There's a learning curve to
29:05
that, we know that that are now we do better.
29:08
Yeah, but there's no shame in just saying, hey my dogs over
29:11
threshold. It's time for Me to go.
29:13
I can't imagine anyone of my friends being like, really your
29:17
dogs over threshold. Oh, how terrible, like, what a
29:22
terrible dog? Like, I don't know what we're
29:24
thinking, one more like ashamed of these things like, oh,
29:27
everyone will think, that's very normal thing.
29:30
I just because we like, made this culture of like, dog, dog,
29:34
dog, dog, dog. And so, then that culture has
29:38
turned into this. Of course, my dog can do
29:40
everything. And of course, my dog can XYZ.
29:43
Of course, my dog can handle. You know, 7500 people at a
29:47
fireworks display and of course, of course, of course, you know,
29:50
and also because we want our dogs with us.
29:53
So then we create this like whole thing but we also don't
29:57
want to be like oh my dogs, don't like blah, it's such a
30:03
complex thing. Okay?
30:05
So to bring it back around the point of this whole thing.
30:10
Try your best. If you fall into the shame
30:12
spiral, I'll have somebody to reach out to and to give
30:16
yourself some Grace, give your dog some great.
30:20
Most and I think most importantly you're not alone you
30:22
are not alone. Absolutely not Ernie.
30:26
Don't put yourself in a position where you have where you feel
30:28
like you have to be alone in it. Oh yeah, yeah, dog ownership is
30:32
a journey and it's not just your dogs experiences with you.
30:37
It is also their genetics and the two of those things come
30:40
together to make the That you're living with.
30:44
So that goes back to being kind to yourself and not feeling that
30:51
shame, you know, like you have to wear The Scarlet Letter
30:53
because XYZ happened to you or to your, you know, with your
30:57
dog. I just I want us to feel more of
31:00
a community and more were supported in the things that
31:05
were going through. So that you know, if somebody
31:09
comes to me and says, oh I'm going through this then I can
31:12
say, oh, you know what? But I know somebody, I didn't
31:14
personally go through that, but I know somebody who did and I
31:17
really think that you guys should connect so that you can
31:19
share when that peonies thing, that would be awesome.
31:23
Yeah. To have that community and to be
31:26
able to openly share. Yeah, struggles and not feel
31:30
judged. Yeah.
31:32
So if you are going through something right now and you feel
31:37
like you're in that shame spiral know that you're not alone and
31:41
that we support. You yeah, yeah.
31:45
Even though we may not know what you're going through.
31:47
Yeah, that there's a community out there but is not judging you
31:50
and support you. Yes.
31:53
And if you hey, this is not even like some silly like Instagram
31:57
plug seriously if you need support and you feel like you
32:01
don't have that around you hit us up on the DMS. We will chat
32:05
with you and you never know. You might find some community in
32:09
us or someone we know that is going through something similar
32:12
to. Ooh, you but please just like be
32:15
kind to yourself and and take care of yourself and take care
32:19
of your dog. And take a breath, take a
32:22
breath, take a breath. That's the end for tonight.
32:24
We appreciate everyone listening to us.
32:27
Go on. We just felt very passionate to
32:30
let people know that. So many people are going through
32:34
something similar without without you knowing it.
32:37
So I think we just both feel very passionate about making
32:40
sure our community feels supported too.
32:43
And no one's alone. Yep.
32:45
So all right, if so, thanks for bearing with us, guys.
32:48
Yes, thanks for bearing with us as we unload, our souls on to
32:53
the podcast floor and hit us up. We are at sometimes their side
32:58
eye on Instagram, and if you liked this episode Christie, all
33:02
already gave you. The lowdown Sheriff's review, us
33:06
all the things and we are dropping new episodes every
33:10
other Thursday. So thanks for taking your time
33:12
with us. Us and have a great night.
33:14
I Us and have a great night. I