Latest / Women at Work: Career, Leadership & Modern Work / Why Women Face a Higher Networking Tax Than Men
Transcript
- Lucas: You know, I came across a stat recently that really stuck with me. According to a 2023 study in the Harvard Business Review, women spend about 20 percent more time than men on internal networking activities — things like mentoring junior colleagues, organizing team events, or just informal check-ins. Luna: Twenty percent more? That's significant. But I bet the return on that time is lower, too. Lucas: Exactly right. The same study found that women see about 30 percent fewer career benefits from that networking — fewer promotions, fewer high-visibility projects, fewer sponsorships. So it's a double hit: more time spent, less value received. Luna: That's what I'd call a networking tax. And it's not just about the time — it's the emotional labor, the pressure to be 'nice' and approachable, the expectation to say yes to every coffee chat. Lucas: Right. And this tax compounds with other dynamics we've talked about on this show — the office housework gap, the double shift, the mentorship burden. Women are often asked to do the relationship maintenance that keeps teams cohesive but doesn't get rewarded at promotion time. Luna: Let's unpack that. So we're saying the kind of networking that helps your career — strategic networking with senior leaders or cross-functional sponsors — is different from the 'keep the team happy' networking that women are disproportionately expected to do. Lucas: Exactly. The HBR study broke it down. Men's networking time was more likely to be spent with people senior to them, or in external industry events. Women's networking was more internal, more peer-focused, and more likely to involve helping others rather than advancing themselves. Luna: And that's not by accident. There's research showing that when women network assertively — reaching out to senior leaders, talking about their achievements — they can be perceived as aggressive or self-serving. Men doing the same thing are seen as ambitious. Lucas: Right — the likeability-competence tradeoff. So women have to navigate this narrow path: network enough to be visible, but not so much that you're seen as pushy. And on top of that, you've got the actual time constraint. If you're already doing more childcare or household labor — the double shift — where do you find the hours? Luna: Yeah, time is a real issue. The typical networking advice — 'just go to more events, schedule more coffees' — ignores that women often have less discretionary time. So it's not just about working harder at networking; it's about networking smarter. Lucas: Before we get into the smart strategies — and we will — I want to ground this in a specific example. I spoke with a woman named Priya, a mid-level marketing manager at a Fortune 500 company. She told me she was spending about five hours a week on internal networking: mentoring two junior women, organizing a monthly team lunch, and attending every 'ask me anything' session. Her male peers? They were spending maybe two hours a week, mostly grabbing drinks with a director or attending an industry webinar. Luna: Five versus two — that's a three-hour weekly gap. Over a year, that's 150 hours. That's basically a month of working time. Lucas: And the kicker is — Priya didn't get a promotion that cycle. One of her male peers who spent those two hours a week networking got tapped for a high-profile project. When she asked her manager for feedback, she was told she needed to 'build more strategic visibility.' Luna: Oof. That's the tax in action. She was doing all the right relationship-building, but the wrong kind. And no one told her until it was too late. Lucas: So let's talk about what works. Because there are concrete ways to reduce that tax. One is to shift from being a mentor to seeking a sponsor. A mentor gives advice; a sponsor uses their political capital to advocate for you. Men are more likely to have sponsors early in their careers — women often have mentors instead. Luna: Yes — and sponsors don't come from casual coffee chats. They come from delivering results and being visible in the right contexts. So part of the strategy is to say no to low-return networking — that team lunch you're organizing? Maybe delegate it. That 'ask me anything' for junior staff? Maybe attend once a quarter, not every time. Lucas: It's about boundaries and intentionality. Another tactic from the research: network in clusters. Instead of one-off coffees with ten different people, invite three or four relevant colleagues to a group lunch with a senior leader. You get the exposure, they get the connection, and you've used one hour instead of five. Luna: That's smart. And it reduces the 'administrative' feel of networking — you're not just asking for help, you're facilitating a conversation. That's a legitimate leadership skill. Lucas: Which brings up another point: women should reframe networking as leadership, not as self-promotion. When you introduce two people who can help each other, or when you organize an event that brings value to the team, that's a leadership act. And it's often more comfortable for women than talking about their own accomplishments. Luna: And that reframing can help with the likeability trap, too. If you're seen as a connector, not a self-promoter, people perceive you more positively. But you still get the visibility. Lucas: We should also talk about the role of managers and organizations. This isn't just an individual problem. Companies need to recognize that women are spending more time on internal networking with less reward. They can audit who's being asked to do the invisible work and make sure it's distributed equitably. Luna: Absolutely. And they can create structured sponsorship programs that ensure women get access to senior leaders — not just mentoring programs. And they can measure networking outcomes, not just inputs. Don't ask 'how many coffees did you have?' Ask 'how many new projects or promotions did you get from your network?' Lucas: That's a great point. And it ties back to the data-driven approach: if you're a woman listening, track your networking time for two weeks. Categorize it — is it strategic or maintenance? Is it with peers or seniors? Is it helping others or advancing your own goals? You might be surprised at the gap. Luna: And then start small. Pick one high-value networking activity per month — a coffee with a VP in another department, a conference you actually want to attend — and protect that time. Say no to one low-value request per week. Lucas: You know, if we've helped you think about your own networking habits or given you a framework to approach this differently, that's exactly why we make this show. And honestly, listener support is what keeps it ad-free and focused on content like this. If you've gotten value from any of our episodes — even just one insight you've used — a couple of dollars a month genuinely makes a difference. You can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: Yeah, it's a small way to keep this conversation going. We don't run ads, so it's really just listeners like you who fund it. And every bit helps. Lucas: Alright — back to the networking tax. One more strategy I love is the 'five-minute favor.' Instead of a full coffee chat, ask for a quick recommendation or an introduction. It's low effort for the other person but high value for you. Luna: And it respects everyone's time. I think that's the undercurrent of this whole episode — time is the currency, and women are being charged more for the same amount of career progress. The goal is to equalize the exchange rate. Lucas: Right. And part of that is also recognizing when you're being asked to pay the tax and choosing not to. It's okay to say, 'I'd love to help, but I'm focusing on my own development right now.' Or to suggest someone else who could mentor instead. Luna: I think there's also a generational shift happening. Younger women are more aware of these dynamics and more willing to set boundaries. They're asking 'what's in it for me?' more openly, which isn't selfish — it's strategic. Lucas: That's a good note to end on. The networking tax isn't going away overnight, but by being intentional — both individually and collectively — we can reduce its impact. And maybe start a conversation at your own company about who's doing the invisible networking work. Luna: And if you've got a strategy that's worked for you, share it. We'd love to hear from listeners. You can find us on the show's page or at that same buy me a coffee link. Lucas: Thanks for being with us. Until next time.