Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / How to Remain You While You Raise Them | with Alli Worthington

Transcript

How to Remain You While You Raise Them | with Alli Worthington · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_01: My recommendation for moms who are dealing with that struggle of am I working too much and having guilt over it?
0:07
SPEAKER_01: is to just give yourself permission to look at some of the data of how kids turn out well and what are the things kids really need from studies that have been done with thousands of kids over decades.
0:18
SPEAKER_01: It is generally not you need to do more, mom.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: Hey there, I'm Amy Wicks, your guide by the side for your wholehearted journey.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: And friend, I get it.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: Life can be a whirlwind, juggling family, work, and all the in-betweens.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: As a wife, mom to three teenagers, and building a growing business, I felt the overwhelm, the doubts, and the struggles too.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing: the Lord took my broken-hearted pieces and turned them into a beautiful story of clarity, peace, and joy.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: And now I'm here to help you do the same.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: With years of experience as a certified Enneagram coach, spiritual director, and working genius facilitator, I am here to provide you with practical wisdom and inspiration.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: Through expert interviews and real life examples, you can uncover your strengths, motivations, and God's unwavering love.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: And together, we're gonna explore biblical truths, different personality profiles, and life rhythms that will empower you to break free from anxiety, shame, and frustration.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: I have walked the path, my friend, and I know the challenges you face.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: But that's why I'm here, by your side, cheering you on as you embrace wholehearted living.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: So grab your headphones, invite a friend, and let's embark on this transformative journey together.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Simply Wholehearted, where we laugh, learn, and flourish as a community.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: Do you lie awake at night thinking about how you're probably messing up your kids?
1:58
SPEAKER_00: Or is your mind swimming with all the places you must go and the things you need to do for all your kids?
2:04
SPEAKER_00: Perhaps even you remember that you used to be a certain kind of person who enjoyed different things, but now you aren't even sure who you are after having kids.
2:14
SPEAKER_00: Well, friend, you are not alone.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: If you feel that way, there are studies to back up and prove that about 80% of mothers are just as stressed out, and 70% are tired, and about 50% are overcommitted.
2:31
SPEAKER_00: Yes, us mothers are a tired people.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: But that's why I am so grateful for this good friend, fellow entrepreneur, and author who has written a book to help you throw off the guilt and strip away the mist that perhaps you've begun to believe about motherhood, or have been believing for a while.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: Allie Worthington has been a longtime favorite of the podcast, and for me, that far-off older sister who has led the way in so many things.
2:57
SPEAKER_00: Her book, Remaining You While Raising Them, offers a new way to think about your kids, yourself, and truly becoming the mom that you have always wanted to be.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: This conversation is old, and even though it's two Enneagram7 sharing a mic, just like last week, we contained and controlled ourselves.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: So the laughter is minimal, I promise.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: No hurting your ears.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: There were so many things we talked about, but also Ali shared a very significant moment back in 2019 when the Lord whispered a directive that truly saved her family from possible financial ruin.
3:31
SPEAKER_00: We also touched on the fact that social media is having a major impact on motherhood and what we can do about it.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: Of course, we also are talking about juggling the joys of motherhood while also pursuing our dreams.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: I so appreciate Ali and her well-lived wisdom.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: So let's get to this encouraging and practical conversation.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know how you do it all.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: It is um my my happy point is at about 95% capacity.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: But with book launch, I was running at about 110 for a little while.
4:05
SPEAKER_01: But I'm back down to about 97, so I'm doing okay.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm doing we're getting there.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Slowly but surely.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: I was just talking to a fellow seven who's a coach, and I was explaining that I think I didn't know this was possible, but I think as a seven, I've hit my relational capacity.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, have have you done that?
4:26
SPEAKER_00: Could you speak into that?
4:28
SPEAKER_00: Give me some advice.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm also raising teenagers, and I'm like, oh, I think I hit my max.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know how I feel about that.
4:37
SPEAKER_01: Um, I was just telling somebody recently that all of my time is spent on with work and family right now.
4:44
SPEAKER_01: And the way I I kind of fill my relational cup is with I take clients on trips.
4:50
SPEAKER_01: We do two trips a year.
4:52
SPEAKER_01: I take my team members on trips.
4:54
SPEAKER_01: But if I'm not on a I'll take vacations with family and then trips with clients or team members, that's about it.
5:01
SPEAKER_01: Really?
5:02
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
5:02
SPEAKER_01: There's like I don't go to coffees with people, I don't go to lunches, I'm not in a Bible study group.
5:08
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
5:08
SPEAKER_01: For the next five years, I'm really dedicated to family because I have four more years of kids in my house.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: So it's just this is it all the time.
5:17
SPEAKER_01: It's go time.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for normalizing that because I really it is so wonderful to have a business and it to be thriving.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: But I it it is so hard because people want to do coffee all the time and not just to pick my brain, but yeah, I I'm just like I can't and I feel like it would be great to see you, but if you add the drive time there and the drive time back, that is that is that's valuable time that we just don't have.
5:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: I know.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: And it's always that trade-off, and you feel badly free in thinking because I know a three would tend to think work or or this, but I'm always thinking, I just have this little window of time to either have a little bit of margin for my brain or to actually meet a goal.
6:05
SPEAKER_00: So I do have margin.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no one to me about this.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: I do five to six.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: That's my alone time.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: So I get up and I work out and listen to podcasts, and I have that time.
6:18
SPEAKER_01: And then at six, everybody's up and going.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: And my oldest who turns 25 soon, he hassled me and he said, I can't believe you make hot breakfast for the boys every morning.
6:28
SPEAKER_01: Like, why are you babying them?
6:29
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Because I watched you leave and I know I only have a couple of years left.
6:33
SPEAKER_01: So, like I'm not I'm not doing this because I have to, I'm doing it because I want to.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:39
SPEAKER_01: Amen.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: Amen.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: Like, I just from one mama to another for normalizing some of this and then also affirming because I the Lord wakes me up super early too.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: And I I couldn't do my day without that, but it is like that's it.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: Like that's it, you know.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: I re everything, every other minute, there's someone there, including the dog who yeah.
7:03
SPEAKER_01: And I'll miss it.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: And I I think we have this idea that balance is balancing it all in a week, but balancing it all is just in seasons.
7:11
SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's good.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: That's good.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: I uh last year and I keep saying that I'm gonna do a um podcast series on this, and I think I might next summer, but I love paddle boarding.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: And as I've grown and being able to utilize the, you know, I got an inflatable one and I've been able to use it here and there.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: I every single time there is such spiritual lessons in the practice of balancing.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: And I I don't know, I walked away with all of these, you know, like word pictures or insights to oh, work life balance is a total joke and facade, and there isn't such a thing.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: And just sometimes you have to paddle really hard on the right, and then sometimes really hard on the left.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: And you just have to live with that, that it's not going to be perfect, like look at me.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: Totally, which is great.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: Well, I am not as cool as Annie F.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: Downs.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, she apparently has like a placard or some sort of or memento for those who have been on her podcast a certain amount of times or the most, um, which you maybe fit the bill, but um, but if I were to have one of those, Allie Worthington would have her name on one of those plaques.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm honored.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: It's a virtual plaque.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: It's a virtual plaque.
8:28
SPEAKER_00: I love virtual.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
8:30
SPEAKER_00: Honestly, I don't know if I ever told you this story, but when your Fierce Faith book came out, it was sent to me by um a publicist and I I emailed her or even called her.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: And I said, I think you've made a mistake.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: I am a newer podcast, and I don't know that I am at the level to have Allie Worthington on my podcast.
8:54
SPEAKER_00: And she was the sweetest, because of course you are the sweetest.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: I have a feeling I I'm getting your logic behind it, but it was like the biggest honor to have you be on my, and I don't even remember what episode, and maybe would have been in the 30s or something, I'd have to look back, but I just was like, Allie Worthington's gonna be on my podcast.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: It was just like, I was so nervous, and then you were so nice and easy to talk to.
9:23
SPEAKER_00: And I just just I hesitate to say the word fan because I believe we're not looking for that.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: I don't think you're looking for that, but to just like a lifer going, she's the real deal, and I just like her a lot.
9:36
SPEAKER_00: So anyway, okay.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: Oh, good one.
9:42
SPEAKER_00: Happy to go on the show.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: I was just thinking about how what a joy it was to go to Blistom as well.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: And I got to bring one of my friends who was actually a minty, if you will, in that season.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: Um, for you, we didn't know that 2020 was next.
9:58
SPEAKER_00: Um, so have you missed getting to host conferences?
10:02
SPEAKER_00: Because I know it's a big deal.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: Or are you kind of going, eh, that was a season?
10:05
SPEAKER_00: I think I'm done.
10:07
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's pretty crazy.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: Then when Blissom was over, I was still in the hotel room, still had, you know, it was a big suite.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: So I had a bunch of girls staying over.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: And it was the night blissom was over, and everyone was in the main part of the suite chit-chatting.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: We, you know, we were all eating Chipotle guac and chips, staying up late at night, and I wanted to go just take a bath and relax.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: And the Lord told me in the bathtub that night not to have it again.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: November 2019.
10:35
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the night we are all celebrating.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: Blistom is back.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: This is amazing.
10:39
SPEAKER_01: It was it was the best thing ever.
10:41
SPEAKER_01: And I came out of the bathroom.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: I said, guys, pretty sure the Lord told me not to do it again.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: Everyone's like, Allie, that is that is your anxiety because he has told you before, walk away from things.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: So you need to just relax.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Okay, I'm gonna relax.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: This is I got it together.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: And the more I would pray, the more he would say, No, don't do this again.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: And so I wasn't pleased at all, but I started planning in that direction.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: And then when the shutdown happened in March of 2020, I realized, oh, probably would have lost my house.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: You know, think he would have put everything on the line to, you know, rent out the Nashville Convention Center and hotel rooms, and it would have been a mess.
11:25
SPEAKER_01: So man, after that, every once in a while I'll be like, Lord, can I?
11:28
SPEAKER_01: And he just shuts it down.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: I go, okay.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, so instead of hosting big events, now it's, you know, retreats with clients and retreats with called creatives and small events.
11:39
SPEAKER_01: So I think that's where he wants me.
11:41
SPEAKER_01: I think, I think I can affect more life change and business change with people when it's done in a very intimate setting, as opposed to me on a stage with thousands of people.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: There is so much in that.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: I would love to say I I wholeheartedly just affirm and love the depth.
12:02
SPEAKER_00: I know what you've been able to do with Call Creatives, I've been a part of that.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: And um, I too host smaller retreats and I've debated about like I love the conference, I love the breakout sessions and gathering a bunch of people.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: That's seven in us, right?
12:18
SPEAKER_00: We just love that.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, every time I do a retreat and the depth I'm able to go to and how much I feel like I cannot go any wider.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: Like if I want that depth, I can't go any wider.
12:31
SPEAKER_00: So the Lord saves us from ourselves sometimes.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: And I'm so grateful, even when it feels like it bites momentarily.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: Well, because if he left any of Grand Sevens up to any grand sevens, we'd have leveraged the world and done a million things by now.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: He does bring us in.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: He does, he does.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: Oh, anyway.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: Well, thanks for going down memory lane a little bit.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: Um, I've just been just so excited to see all that you do.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just amazed.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: I it for me, it's inspiration.
13:01
SPEAKER_00: And you are like that big sister for me in motherhood, in ministry, and life in general.
13:08
SPEAKER_00: And so um I just appreciate watching a healthy seven do this.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: And I and I think even more than ever, as believers, as people who love the Lord and Jesus is our first thing, we have to be so intentional with how we do this.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: And we have to really steward and be intentional.
13:30
SPEAKER_00: And so I obviously I love that you came out with some work on motherhood, because I know a lot of women can learn from you and your heart and your multi-passionate nature.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: So I'm really excited to celebrate the book and talk about it.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm curious for you, was there like a moment we talk about the brokenhearted moment that led to the whole-hearted decision?
13:52
SPEAKER_00: I I know we've talked about it with each of your books.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: What was it with this book on motherhood and parenting in general and raising our kids?
14:00
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's funny because I can point to different moments where I felt like, okay, everything is terrible.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm failing at motherhood, which when you're raising, especially younger children or newer teenagers or even young adults in the beginning, those those feelings are often.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: But for this-craising my hand.
14:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it wasn't a specific moment where I was like, I have to tackle motherhood because I never had any intention of touching parenting or marriage.
14:30
SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, authors, we can be a a nervous bunch.
14:35
SPEAKER_01: And it's like if you write on parenting, you have a child that goes to prison.
14:38
SPEAKER_01: If you write on marriage, you're gonna get divorced.
14:40
SPEAKER_01: You know, like like we just don't touch it.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: It's true, right?
14:43
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I was serving as a teaching pastor at a church in Louisville.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: So I would just, I would, they would, I would come in four times a year, they would tell me, you know, they give me my topic, and I would get to do that Sunday.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: And they asked me to do Mother's Day, and because they knew me so well, they said, Don't do a normal Mother's Day sermon, just be Ally, like just go all out, whatever you want to say, be funny, be serious, just just be you, have fun with it.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Really?
15:11
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
15:12
SPEAKER_01: So I had fun with it.
15:14
SPEAKER_01: And everyone went, Why aren't you talking about this?
15:16
SPEAKER_01: This is what we need.
15:17
SPEAKER_01: And I went, Oh, okay.
15:19
SPEAKER_01: And that's when I realized there's nothing out there for moms that there's a lot out there for moms of little tiny kids.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: But then normally moms after age five, we just go, Oh, this is just how it is, and we'd never invest in ourselves again.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: And we wonder why we're burnt out or we're kind of shriveling on the vine because we're not thinking about this stuff.
15:41
SPEAKER_01: But then there's stuff out there for moms.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: When I did a quiz to my audience to find out, like, what was the last book on motherhood you read?
15:49
SPEAKER_01: Most women couldn't name one.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: They did a parenting book, and then they said, I wish I hadn't read this because it made me feel so awful, or I only got halfway through this book because it made me feel so ashamed.
16:02
SPEAKER_01: And that's when I knew that was my moment where I went, Yeah, okay, no matter what happens, I'm gonna tackle this.
16:09
SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, because there's just such a hole out there for women.
16:13
SPEAKER_00: It there is, and there's so much pressure, which is so interesting that you found the gap because it it feels like there's a lot of talk about it, but I still find myself searching for things, especially in these middle years, because again, they're all three teenagers.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: I've got one who's leaving, I've got a middle one, they're all assertive stances.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: So a seven, eight, three.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: God bless.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: Thankfully, I know, right?
16:40
SPEAKER_00: It's it's hard.
16:41
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, but I find myself grappling, especially as someone who, well, who who loves the Lord first, but who really wants to live what I believe and practice what I preach and and hopefully not ruin them in the process.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: So there's there's so much pressure in that.
17:01
SPEAKER_00: And how I mean, have you felt that?
17:03
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, all the time.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's why it's why it's so good with what you do that help people become self-aware.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: Because one of the big points of the book is we want our children to be emotionally healthy.
17:13
SPEAKER_01: We want them to have a great spiritual health, we want them to have relational health with other people, we want them to be mentally healthy.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: But for us, we're putting everything into our kids to the point of not investing in ourselves.
17:27
SPEAKER_01: And our kids will never be emotionally healthier than we are while they live in our house.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: So, this is really the rallying call to do what you're doing on the show and what you do every day to help women be self-aware and to be emotionally healthier.
17:40
SPEAKER_01: Because especially once our kids are teenagers and and young adults and they leave the house, my husband and I had the realization, oh, you can't really guilt grown children to come home.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: Like you can guilt them to come home a little bit, but they're not going to come home very often.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: The way you live and and have adult children who want to come home and visit and want to be with you and want to stay connected is if we're emotionally healthy.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: And so even after this book has come out, so many women have said, Well, I wish I had this when I was younger.
18:14
SPEAKER_01: Now my kids are older.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: And my response is, do you want to stay connected to them?
18:19
SPEAKER_01: Like it's time to work on you.
18:21
SPEAKER_01: Which I have to be careful saying that because I don't want that to be triggering to people.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: I want it to be a message of freedom to work on ourselves.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: But it is um, it is something that I'm reminding myself over and over again that if I don't work on myself, I can't expect my kids to be doing better than I am.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: It's never too late.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: And I believe that phrase for so many things.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: But I think I've worked to your point, I've worked with a lot of women who are facing work transition, but oftentimes the emptiness transition.
18:55
SPEAKER_00: And what does it look like to launch my kids well or to steward that relationship without controlling or guilt, shaming, all of that?
19:04
SPEAKER_00: And so I I would echo your sentiment as spot on to when we do that in our work and when we get what we need from the Lord ultimately, then we can give in such a beautiful place and hopefully create that space where they're drawn to those, um, just that that environment that hopefully you're creating through what you learn.
19:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because for so long, the messaging of mothers has been here's the five things that you have to do to make sure your child's safe.
19:34
SPEAKER_01: Here's the 10 things that you have to do to be a good Christian mom.
19:37
SPEAKER_01: Here's, you know, 12 things you need to do to make sure, blah, blah, blah.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: And so it's so performance-based.
19:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: But the truth is, motherhood is more about who you are in the grand scheme of things than what you do.
19:49
SPEAKER_01: Because we can do the right thing all day long.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: But if we aren't healthy inside, it leaks out all over everyone.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: My great aunt Shirley, I can remember I was eight and I went to her house for an extended family member like Christmas gathering.
20:04
SPEAKER_01: And she told everybody when we got there she had been cooking for three days.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: And she was smiling and she was friendly.
20:11
SPEAKER_01: But even at age eight, I knew something was wrong because something felt off.
20:18
SPEAKER_01: And everyone, you know, was supposed to be gathered and it was Christmas and it was good.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: But something was wrong.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: And I remember thinking, I don't know what this is, but when I grow up, I don't want this.
20:29
SPEAKER_01: And I didn't understand because I didn't have the life experience or the language to understand it.
20:34
SPEAKER_01: But then as I got older, it was explained to me that she never wanted the responsibility of having to host all that.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: But she felt like the most loving thing she could do in the family was to cook all that food, even though she didn't want to, and have everybody over, even though she really was too tired and didn't because she worked as a waitress full time.
20:53
SPEAKER_01: She just couldn't do it.
20:55
SPEAKER_01: But she didn't feel like she had permission to raise her hand and go, Hey, can everybody bring a dish?
21:01
SPEAKER_01: So for her, she was doing the right thing, she was being loving, but it led to over time resentment and then bitterness that leaked out over everybody else.
21:12
SPEAKER_01: And as I've told that story talking about the book, so many women have gone, I'm great Aunt Shirley.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I've been great Aunt Shirley, I know.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: But it's such a great illustration of why it's not just what we do, it's who we are and it's how we take care of ourselves that that that's the key.
21:29
SPEAKER_01: And you know, we we read every book on how to be a great mom, but then we forget ourselves.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: And essentially we kind of abandon ourselves after our kids get to be a certain age because we get busy.
21:39
SPEAKER_01: But it it is always an open invitation to build self awareness, to build emotional health, like you're the important work that you do all the time.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: And that pays off.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: And so many women have said, Well, what if I take better care of myself and then I become selfish?
21:55
SPEAKER_01: And I go, You're probably operating at a hundred and fifty percent.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: If you dial it back to 125%, it's still aces.
22:04
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
22:05
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
22:05
SPEAKER_01: We aren't just going to change our personality overnight because we start taking care of ourselves.
22:10
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that's I would go out on every street and yell this message just at strangers if I could.
22:19
SPEAKER_00: I am with you.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: I am reading through or actually helping lead a study on um Pete Sakares of.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, something like that.
22:29
SPEAKER_00: I missed it too.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Something.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: But it's his emotionally spiritually healthy book.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: And we're going through the discipleship thing.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: But I was just reading and really working on content about the ideal self because it's one of my um kind of a core foundational coaching piece.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: And I'm helping equip coaches with the material.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm trying to think of the ways like, oh, I can just talk about it, but now I have to tell coaches how to talk about it.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm like, oh yeah, I got to think about this.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: But I love his um piece when he talks about Jesus, because if we look to Jesus and how he did it, how he did soul care, how he connected to the father, the contemplative practice, but that he was neither selfless or selfish.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: And I think that as women who love the Lord have heard the message, especially in motherhood, that you should be so selfless.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: When the whole the imitation of how Jesus did it, he neither thought only of others and nor did he only think of himself.
23:27
SPEAKER_00: The only way he could do it because he was supernatural, right?
23:30
SPEAKER_00: But he also lived it out as a human here on earth.
23:33
SPEAKER_00: And so I think for us in our humanness, we do have that imitation to live like that and to to do our best to imitate it.
23:41
SPEAKER_00: Um, but coming from a place where we believe we're so beloved, which that's where Jesus, he like knew who's who he was, he knew who he was and he was anchored in that and he was able to live that out.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: So as we come to that again and again, we can hopefully better, you know, toggle or balance again, as you will, between the two.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, totally.
24:01
SPEAKER_00: Just being intentional.
24:03
SPEAKER_00: I it's kind of interesting because I was thinking through when I was at Ballistum, I actually had a book title drop into my spirit and I had a literary agent and it it just didn't pan out.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: One of the reasons is she didn't really care for Enneagram, which was, you know, just probably wasn't the right thing to do.
24:19
SPEAKER_00: I did not know what she was doing.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: I know.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: But one of the things, two of the things that stuck out to me in that time was the the phrase, you are the mom for the job, and really getting that message across whenever possible.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: But then the other piece, and I know this message was for me, right?
24:36
SPEAKER_00: The other piece was that there, that our ceiling could be their floor.
24:41
SPEAKER_00: And so I I believe you're living that out, where you have come to the place where you believe that you're the mom for the job and you're intentionally living in a way.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: So your kids' floor is your ceiling.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: I pray that.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: How would you how would you articulate some of that of where that has come to revelation in your life and your heart and how how you're intentional in your creating that space that your kids even want to come back to and just modeling life for your boys?
25:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I can remember certain moments through the years where I felt so guilty for working, you know, as many do.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: My youngest, who's now 15, he used to come up to me in the living room and smack my MacBook closed and say, No work, mommy.
25:24
SPEAKER_01: That story cracks me up.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: I didn't have the the financial privilege not to work.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: We had been, we had lost our home, you know, we were homeless.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: We, you know, uh my business just was born of desperation 15 years ago.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: And through my work and the kids hearing me talk, whether um at an event or a podcast or around the table, because when you do what I do, you talk a lot.
25:51
SPEAKER_01: You talk about what you're thinking and what you're feeling and what you believe and all this.
25:55
SPEAKER_01: I remember at one point I was faced with a really big decision in my life and I was nervous about it.
26:00
SPEAKER_01: And I remember telling my oldest, who's now almost 25, I think he was about 15 at the time.
26:05
SPEAKER_01: And he said, Well, if God told you to, it's gonna be great.
26:08
SPEAKER_01: Like you just, I don't know why you're nervous.
26:11
SPEAKER_01: And he was not speaking to me out of his own personal strength of faith as a 15-year-old boy, but just from watching the family and watching what we've done.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: So um, my ceiling of believing in the Lord and believing that what he calls me to do, he's gonna empower me to do, and we're gonna be okay.
26:30
SPEAKER_01: And this isn't gonna be the time that everything falls apart, is the floor.
26:34
SPEAKER_01: I realize it's the floor for my son.
26:36
SPEAKER_01: So just living that out is so important.
26:40
SPEAKER_01: So much of what we do as moms are it involves making terrible mistakes, as we all do, losing our temper, you know, dropping the ball, all the different stuff that we mess up.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: But as we learn to respond in healthier ways and as we self-regulate our emotions and we apologize and we make things right and we come together and we ask forgiveness, that is amazing for us.
27:06
SPEAKER_01: That's our ceiling.
27:06
SPEAKER_01: That is the floor for our children, because our children expect that.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: Our children know I am going to make mistakes all the time, and that's good, and I'm gonna fix them.
27:15
SPEAKER_01: And they aren't gonna be so fragile that when they go out in the world and people hurt their feelings or people make mistakes, that they go, Oh, it's the end of the world because they can't deal with it.
27:25
SPEAKER_01: So I think in that way, it's like that for all of us that the the harder we work on ourselves and the harder we run after the Lord, and the harder we run after our calling that He's given us, whether our calling is to lead a Bible study or lead a company or write whatever it is, the more we work into that and the more we obey and the more we develop ourselves, the natural overflow of that is healthier, happier children.
27:51
SPEAKER_01: Maybe not between the ages of 13 and 15, but at every other age.
27:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, totally.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: I can give a witness to that.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: I I feel like I'm getting to see first fruits with my oldest again, who um she has an interest in doing what I'm doing.
28:08
SPEAKER_00: And that has given me glimpses of okay, maybe I certainly have not done it perfectly, that's for sure.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: And worked too much, worked too little, got too frustrated, didn't care enough, all the things in between.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: And but to to have that inkling and and I just what I think too, and you probably think of this of like, gosh, if if I can impart to her the knowledge that I have had to learn through the school of hard knocks, and I I feel this way about my coaches that I raise up, but this idea that I could give it to her in her early 20s after she goes to college, I think, wow, the places she can go, the things that she can do, like, whoa, it's gonna be amazing.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's amazing.
28:50
SPEAKER_01: And I will say, every mom who works from home, out of the home, in the home, there's always guilt that we were doing it too much.
28:59
SPEAKER_01: But if you look at the data, a generation ago, women were not spending as much time with their kids actively involved in parenting as we are now.
29:10
SPEAKER_01: We think a generation ago, 50 years ago, people are just you know sitting around braiding their children's hair, teaching them Latin all day long.
29:17
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't happening.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: Kids are getting like kicked out the front door, come back when the street light comes on, right?
29:23
SPEAKER_01: That kind of thing.
29:24
SPEAKER_01: That's so true.
29:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: So I think that there is so much pressure to not only be with kids all the time, but be, I don't know, like making organic sandwiches for them and teaching them a second language and knitting socks for the poor all at the same time.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: Correct.
29:43
SPEAKER_01: Like there's so much pressure.
29:44
SPEAKER_01: And oh, if a mom is working and and a kid is, you know, watching Bluey, it's the end of the world.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: It is just fine.
29:52
SPEAKER_01: It is so fine.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, my recommendation for moms who are dealing with that struggle of am I working too much and having guilt over it, is to just give yourself permission to look at some of the data of how kids turn out well and what are what are the things kids really need from studies that have been done with thousands of kids over decades.
30:13
SPEAKER_01: It is generally not you need to do more, mom.
30:17
SPEAKER_01: It is about the emotional tone of the home.
30:20
SPEAKER_01: It is about how things feel with your kids.
30:23
SPEAKER_01: It's about how when your kids are sad, you give them a hug and you tell them you love them.
30:28
SPEAKER_01: It is not, you know, make sure that you're sitting next to them all the time and staring at them and encouraging them.
30:33
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
30:34
SPEAKER_01: I feel like to some degree.
30:36
SPEAKER_01: Like that's that's kind of how we feel like we should function as a great mom.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: And that's a great way to smother our kids and and handicap them as they go out into the world.
30:47
SPEAKER_00: I am excited because one of um a newer coach in the Enneagram world is also an attachment therapist.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: And so we've been talking behind the scenes about the connection in in understanding our type and our tendency, but then also where our pitfalls might be and where we can um readjust, right?
31:07
SPEAKER_00: Just recalibrate a little bit so that way we can do a better job of that.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: But to your point, I believe we've had motherless generation after generation and generation.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: And I think we've swung to the other side, large in part, social media has painted this idealistic, unrealistic picture of how it how it should be.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: And so I I think you talk a lot in the book about the idea that there is a lie out there that good moms do it all.
31:35
SPEAKER_00: How do we let go some of the list?
31:37
SPEAKER_00: Because I think it's rooted in ideals.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: And and how do we readjust and maybe realign what our goals really need to be in order to breathe a little bit easier and to not carry such a wearisome burden all the time about this role we have?
31:55
SPEAKER_01: Okay, before I answer it, I do want to do a mini rant, if that is okay, about social media.
32:01
SPEAKER_01: So here is here's the predicament we are all in.
32:04
SPEAKER_01: Now, as a business coach, I love women building their businesses, but I'm gonna talk about a certain business model.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: There is the influencer business model.
32:12
SPEAKER_01: The influencer business model is I share pictures of myself and my life, and it's all curated perfection.
32:19
SPEAKER_01: And I am gonna build a large audience and then I'm gonna do outfits of the day, or I'm gonna say, I love this purse, here's 20% off.
32:28
SPEAKER_01: That is a great way to make a ton of money.
32:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
32:32
SPEAKER_01: Again, no shade at this business model, but that's the business model.
32:35
SPEAKER_01: So if you are following people and they're talking about motherhood or they just have kids and the kids are in pictures and it's lovely pictures, sometimes it can be pictures that aren't lovely, they add that in.
32:47
SPEAKER_01: But if they are doing any sort of commercial things, selling products, offering a discount code, it is a business and it is not real life.
32:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
32:57
SPEAKER_01: If they are out there going, here's how to be a great mom, and here's how to do this, and here's, you know, get my download to show you how to do it.
33:04
SPEAKER_01: It is a business and not real life.
33:07
SPEAKER_01: So those are the kind of accounts that trigger a ton of guilt.
33:11
SPEAKER_01: They trigger shame.
33:12
SPEAKER_01: But when we go, oh, let me look at this with a new lens, this isn't actually her real life.
33:18
SPEAKER_01: This is a painted version of her real life that's building a really wonderful business for her.
33:24
SPEAKER_01: And if those accounts are triggering to us, it's best to unfollow or mute them.
33:29
SPEAKER_01: Period.
33:29
SPEAKER_01: Because it's not real life.
33:31
SPEAKER_01: That's not what life looks like.
33:32
SPEAKER_01: That's photo shoots, that's an hour getting the right picture and editing that picture.
33:38
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
33:39
SPEAKER_01: Emailing with companies to make sure you're gonna get the code right and you get paid a certain amount for everyone that goes through.
33:44
SPEAKER_01: It's not real life.
33:45
SPEAKER_01: She's not sitting there with her kids doing that stuff all the time.
33:48
SPEAKER_01: She's actually running a business.
33:50
SPEAKER_01: So I'm not making any friends by talking about this, but it needs to be talked about.
33:56
SPEAKER_01: It has to be because it's the unintended consequences of that business model, is the audience that follows that business model feels like they're failing all the time.
34:09
SPEAKER_01: So I feel like it's really important just to just to throw that out there because social media, I believe, is harm of certain parts of it are harming women.
34:18
SPEAKER_01: And we won't even know the depth of how women are harmed until studies are done five, 10, 15 years from now.
34:25
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, uh my my social media account is full of animals and roller coasters.
34:30
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
34:31
SPEAKER_00: It is so just random and you and very not curated, which I love.
34:38
SPEAKER_00: And I so thank you for beating that drum.
34:40
SPEAKER_00: I will beat along with you.
34:42
SPEAKER_00: And I I'm um now that my teenagers are, we've ventured into the social media world, I'm seeing it with fresh eyes because I because I see it so similarly and and just know what to look for and understand that behind the scenes, I it's really clear to me how to distinguish between that.
35:03
SPEAKER_00: But I am seeing my girls not distinguish that.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: And so we're talking about it.
35:08
SPEAKER_00: And then in addition to that, just hearing the struggles from my clients and other young moms who I mentor here and there, and I'm like, oh, that pressure, like it is still there.
35:19
SPEAKER_00: There's there apparently is not enough information dissuading or giving the real time what's happening here.
35:26
SPEAKER_00: So I gladly would shout it from the rooftops with you.
35:30
SPEAKER_00: And I think we do need to say it again and again until, like you said, until we can, I don't know, like it's a no-brainer.
35:36
SPEAKER_01: When you get on social media, you just know this going into it instead of yeah, if if if that mom with the perfect kids who you know shares the perfect photo happens to share a link to a shirt that she's wearing or shoes, this is well curated, planned out.
35:53
SPEAKER_01: That photo shoot took a long time to do.
35:56
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it the company is approving it, like it's a big deal.
36:00
SPEAKER_01: And so I think it's important for us to talk about it.
36:02
SPEAKER_01: But the question going back to this myth that we can do it all, it's kind of like what we talked about before.
36:08
SPEAKER_01: If we could do it all, I use the illustration of Wonder Woman, who I love Wonder Woman.
36:13
SPEAKER_01: If we grew up with Wonder Woman as our mother, she would never make mistakes.
36:17
SPEAKER_01: And while we're growing up with her, that'd be great.
36:20
SPEAKER_01: However, as soon as we're outside the door, we have no ability to deal with frustrations from imperfect people.
36:27
SPEAKER_01: The best thing that we can do for our kids is to be women who are continually working on ourselves, getting strengthened by the Lord, but messing things up and going, Here's what I'm gonna do to make it right.
36:40
SPEAKER_01: And modeling growth, modeling struggle, modeling falling down and brushing yourself off and getting back up.
36:47
SPEAKER_01: That is the kind of lessons that you want kids just stewing in while they're growing up.
36:53
SPEAKER_01: If we did everything right, they would think they were failures and they wouldn't be able to handle the stress of the world.
37:00
SPEAKER_01: One of the um quotes that I put in the book is from the former um leader of the American counselors in colleges.
37:08
SPEAKER_01: And he said, This last generation of kids who went into colleges are so riddled with anxiety and unable to cope with college life because essentially they've been overparented.
37:21
SPEAKER_01: And so we we have gone so far in the direction of making sure everything's okay with our kids that they get into college and that a lot of times they fall apart.
37:32
SPEAKER_01: So we do, as they get older, we want to show them more of real life.
37:37
SPEAKER_01: We want to show them how to make mistakes well and how to come back from them and give them the ability to, I always say, make little mistakes at home.
37:45
SPEAKER_01: So when they're gone, they don't make big ones.
37:48
SPEAKER_01: But they'll never be able to make mistakes well and recover for them if they don't watch us do the same.
37:55
SPEAKER_00: It requires so much humility.
37:58
SPEAKER_00: And I I was talking to mom again with younger, you know, younger kids, and she was just asking about some of the things and basically assumed it up by going, yeah, I just get to die to myself every day.
38:12
SPEAKER_00: Yay! It's so she's like, wait a minute, it's supposed to get better.
38:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, it does, but motherhood is that if we want to do it unto the Lord, it is about humility and about not again, not this crazy selflessness or selfishness, but laying down our right to appear a certain way before our kids or have it all together.
38:37
SPEAKER_00: And uh I think it's such a good point because we naturally want to come in and rescue and protect our kids from failings and falling down and we want to incubate them, but especially because this is just at the forefront of my mind.
38:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking through not that I stage hard things, but how do I allow the hard things?
38:57
SPEAKER_00: Probably how our Heavenly Father does it, you know, like it I kind of see it as like slipping through the fingers, very aware, but allowing it so that way we can help guide and and really equip them to leave successfully and to be able to handle it when they're, you know, 17 hours away or something.
39:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
39:15
SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of that key in the step is for us not letting ourselves feel like failures when our kids do struggle.
39:24
SPEAKER_01: Because it is important for our kids to struggle, it's important for them to go through difficulties that builds their strength, that builds their character.
39:32
SPEAKER_01: It's like when our kids are little and we have to give them tummy time and they hate it and it's torture.
39:38
SPEAKER_01: But if we don't give them tummy time, they won't get muscles.
39:41
SPEAKER_01: They'll be like the blobs of people on the axiom and wally, you know.
39:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, but some version of tummy time happens all the time where we're like, ooh, gonna have to let you get a bad grade on that because I'm not gonna rescue you because I told you a week ago to work on this, or you know what I mean?
39:58
SPEAKER_01: Or I'm not gonna email your teacher um because he he, you know, made you sit out uh at PE today and you're mad about it.
40:07
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna you're gonna have to handle this.
40:09
SPEAKER_01: Here's here's some suggestions of what you can say, but I'm not stepping in.
40:13
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we have kids in college whose parents email professors now.
40:18
SPEAKER_01: And it's just oh dear, it's just a normal, average thing.
40:23
SPEAKER_01: And the best thing that we can do for us as moms is like it's two-prong, invest in our emotional health so we can model appropriate behavior, but also free up a little of our time that may have been spent kind of overdoing.
40:39
SPEAKER_01: Let our kids get a little bit stronger and spend that that overdoing time investing in ourselves.
40:46
SPEAKER_00: Amen.
40:47
SPEAKER_00: Oh, it goes back to one of the things you said at the beginning about releasing that grip of um or feeling like we failed as a mom.
40:57
SPEAKER_00: And how many of us lie awake at night thinking about all the ways we failed because how our children are not hitting some mark, some matrix that we think they have to be hitting.
41:07
SPEAKER_00: And if we could make it happen.
41:09
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
41:10
SPEAKER_00: We can't, we can't.
41:12
SPEAKER_00: And so this is where I kind of think of it like biblically there are arrows, right?
41:18
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, children refer to that, but I always think about it if we've got to release it back and let it fly.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: But so often we want to like hold on to it and put the tip right into the bullseye and jam it in there, but then it doesn't, hasn't fully done what it's intended to do.
41:34
SPEAKER_00: And so releasing our grip, realize they are going to fall short of the mark.
41:38
SPEAKER_00: And but that's where you can help them get back and and reorient and until until they get where they need to go.
41:45
SPEAKER_00: But it just takes off some of that pressure.
41:46
SPEAKER_00: I think I I talked to so many moms, I'm sure you do too, who who have maybe even tied some of their self-worth and identity to where they're where their kids are or how they're doing when um that's never the pressure or the role that the Lord intended for us.
42:02
SPEAKER_00: And so to take off that heavy yoke and that burden um and and go, you know, wait a minute, your kid's gonna make it and and then go do something fun for you so that way you can demonstrate what that looks like to pursue your passions and desires, which you you have done that.
42:19
SPEAKER_00: You have opened up doors to help so many women start their business, inspire them and and coaching.
42:25
SPEAKER_00: And uh I just yeah, I I love how you have woven that and all your messages and then also very artfully haven't demonstrated and lived out and written about all the struggles in between that have ensued because yeah, I love how you shared it.
42:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
42:42
SPEAKER_00: Right.
42:43
SPEAKER_00: There have been, there have been.
42:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, as we wrap up, I just um I just want to say thank you once again.
42:49
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for this work.
42:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm excited for just other women, moms uh at all stages to get your hand on your work.
42:57
SPEAKER_00: But what is what is maybe a habit right now for you?
43:00
SPEAKER_00: I know we've talked about a lot of them, but that maybe is saving you in this stage of motherhood.
43:04
SPEAKER_00: You ended up maybe making breakfast for the kids you still live at home.
43:08
SPEAKER_00: But has your like in this this like you're still launching, but you have launched, it's gotta be nuanced.
43:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the habit that works for me best is every day asking myself what I need right now.
43:20
SPEAKER_01: Because the question of what do I need sometimes feels a little too overwhelming.
43:25
SPEAKER_01: So, what do I need right now?
43:27
SPEAKER_01: That could be, I want to buy myself a new book and I want to read it in the next few weeks.
43:32
SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, when I make dinner on Tuesday night, I want to set up my iPad and then call my best friend.
43:40
SPEAKER_01: So when she's making, because we don't live close enough to drive.
43:43
SPEAKER_01: So when she's making dinner too, we can make dinner and then talk to each other on our AirPods, you know, while we're making dinner together.
43:49
SPEAKER_01: Or I need to get more sleep, or I want to make sure I go for, you know, a walk in the morning before the day comes.
43:55
SPEAKER_01: But just staying in the practice of not putting my needs on.
44:00
SPEAKER_01: The shelf because that is the most dangerous thing for a mom.
44:04
SPEAKER_01: Because, like we mentioned earlier, like I'm in a I'm in a big season between work and then having so many kids still around.
44:11
SPEAKER_01: And it's just it's go time all the time.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: It would be easy for me to not take care of myself and go, oh, I'll take care of myself in a few years.
44:19
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'll handle that when the time is right.
44:21
SPEAKER_01: But every day, even the little things, what do I need right now?
44:24
SPEAKER_01: I need more water.
44:26
SPEAKER_01: Or what do I need right now?
44:27
SPEAKER_01: I want to, I want to plan a trip for my team in a few months because it'll be amazing.
44:32
SPEAKER_01: We'll get together, you know, or I'm going to plan a vacation for our family.
44:35
SPEAKER_01: So just giving ourselves permission and acknowledging that we have needs and it is good to honor our needs, and that is good for us as women and mothers to raise our hands and say, Hey, I need, I need some help.
44:49
SPEAKER_01: I remember when I was really burned out.
44:51
SPEAKER_01: I'll tell it really quickly, Ksenna, we're wrapping up.
44:54
SPEAKER_01: Beginning of 2021, two of my kids have chronic illnesses.
44:58
SPEAKER_01: They were very, very sick.
45:00
SPEAKER_01: And I remember praying and saying to the Lord, what do you want me to do?
45:05
SPEAKER_01: Because I was just numb.
45:06
SPEAKER_01: I was still performing at work and performing for the family, but inside I just turned my emotions off.
45:11
SPEAKER_01: And he said, I want you to get more help.
45:14
SPEAKER_01: And it was such a precious practical thing from the Lord of get more help.
45:20
SPEAKER_01: Hire your coach again, get your bottom back in therapy, you know, bring in somebody in the house to meal prep for you, you know, whatever it is.
45:28
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
45:29
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm continually reminding women to get more help.
45:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, because we tend to all be overfunctioning a little bit.
45:40
SPEAKER_01: So sometimes that question of what do I need right now is I just need more help.
45:45
SPEAKER_01: And that it's not a failure.
45:47
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong.
45:49
SPEAKER_01: It means that you're living in a human body with limited physical capacity that is not a mistake.
45:56
SPEAKER_01: That is by God's glorious design that we're in a limited physical capacity, and that it is a good thing to get help.
46:02
SPEAKER_00: Beautifully said, Ali.
46:04
SPEAKER_00: So many things there.
46:05
SPEAKER_00: I know as a fellow seven, it's not easy to ask for help.
46:09
SPEAKER_00: And I think I could speak to every single type where there is a roadblock, a fear that comes up when we reach out for whatever reason.
46:18
SPEAKER_00: Again, a fear of feeling like there's a shortcoming or there's something wrong.
46:23
SPEAKER_00: And instead, it's absolutely every day checking in what is it that I need today?
46:29
SPEAKER_00: What will refuel me?
46:30
SPEAKER_00: What will replenish me so that way I can be the woman that God has designed me to be?
46:36
SPEAKER_00: So uh Ali, thank you so much.
46:38
SPEAKER_00: I've been so looking forward to this.
46:40
SPEAKER_00: So excited to celebrate this book and um and just you and all that you're doing.
46:45
SPEAKER_00: And uh thank you so much for your time.
46:47
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, friend.
46:48
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me.
46:49
SPEAKER_01: It's been fun.
46:51
SPEAKER_00: Oh, wasn't that great?
46:53
SPEAKER_00: I truly was grinning ear to ear the whole time and nodding my head throughout the whole conversation.
46:59
SPEAKER_00: Be sure to go get Remaining You While Raising Them, the secret art of confident motherhood, at your local bookstore or Amazon.
47:07
SPEAKER_00: You can click in the show notes, maybe to even grab it on Kindle right now.
47:12
SPEAKER_00: I encourage you as well to share this resource with your mom friends who are facing these similar struggles.
47:18
SPEAKER_00: Perhaps you could even do a book club with this book.
47:21
SPEAKER_00: I know there's so much to dive into and process through.
47:24
SPEAKER_00: Also remember that you do not have to do mom life alone.
47:28
SPEAKER_00: If you don't have mentorship available in your community, I highly recommend Janae Lanier, who's one of the wholehearted coaches.
47:36
SPEAKER_00: Janae has three spots opening this fall for a discovery call, so that way you could see if coaching is the next possible step for you.
47:43
SPEAKER_00: She leads a mom's group at her local church.
47:46
SPEAKER_00: She mentors a lot of other moms in her same stage of life.
47:50
SPEAKER_00: And the clients she served leave glowing, raving reviews about her guide by the side style.
47:56
SPEAKER_00: Janae is a fantastic coach.
47:58
SPEAKER_00: Okay, now you can check out the link in the show notes for either Allie's book or Janae's calendar.
48:04
SPEAKER_00: You can get that complimentary call scheduled right now so that way you can get the support that you need.
48:10
SPEAKER_00: I'm truly grateful for this relationship reset season of the podcast.
48:15
SPEAKER_00: I have some amazing conversations that's going to be focused on community heading your way the next couple of weeks, and then we dive into the holiday season.
48:24
SPEAKER_00: So much goodness in store.
48:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful to have you here.
48:29
SPEAKER_00: All right, until next time, friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your simply pull hard to five.