Latest / The You Project / #2006 The Red Panda Of TYP - Harps & Melissa

Transcript

#2006 The Red Panda Of TYP - Harps & Melissa · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I get a team. I'm back. I'm bloody back. I'm back.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I just went and had we I'm gonna be honest,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: how do we you know those wheels that you're having,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: You're like, fuck, how good is this? Anyway? How do
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: we add a cup of tea? And I'm back. I'm rebooted,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I'm hydrated, I'm energized. I'm looking at the Coin of
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: the World, not in person, but virtually the coin of
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: the World, the boss of me. People say, how do
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: you get so much shit done? Well? Thanks for asking.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: She does it all. She's currently finishing my PhD. Hurry up, No,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: just gagging. But she is extremely helpful and extremely amazing
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: and capable, and I'm going to say, just a little
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: bit fucking bossy. She presents as Mary Poppins. She's like
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: a Disney character, and on here you'll get all of that.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: You'll get the whole kind of Mary Poppins vibe, you know,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: and frozen, you'll get a bit of that. But wait
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: till the fucking camera stops rolling. Its terrifying. Melissa Marie Cameron,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: the Coin of the World, the Coin of the U Project.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Where have you been?
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness? Hello, happy two thousandths. That's kind of
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: hard to say. Happy two thousandths. Where have I been?
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: I've just been, you know, lurking in.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: The background, just in the shadows, hanging out in the background.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, lurky, lurky, mikel lerkstar.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: I heard the Frozen reference. Have you ever seen Frozen?
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: It's my favorite movie. Yeah, I've seen.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: It, singing let it Go or yeah.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do a rendition now because people.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I don't want people because once people hear it, they'll
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: want me to keep doing it. It's embarrassing.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: And also that whoever whoever sang the original, I don't
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: want to rain on their parade. I mean, they've got
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: to keep a job, and once people hear messing that ship,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: they're going to be redundant. So we'll just keep it
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: under wraps from now.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Did you just let the cat out of the bag?
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Finished a PhD? That that's you're going to be terring
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: in the next.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: That's exactly what I'm going to be doing now. I
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: know how you are because I talk to you all
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: the time, but everyone else doesn't know how you are.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: So for those of you who are relatively new, Melissa
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: is she's the life force of the You Project. She
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: runs not only well she does most of the editing
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: and gets the guests and does all of that, but
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: she also she's my business partner. So we own a
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: company called to You Project, and so we do events together.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: She organizes all of my corporate work and travel, and
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: she works with Nova, who are our kind of supporters.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: We're intertwined with Nova, and so she does all that
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: grown up I don't know what the fuck she does,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: but she does something over there. I'm not sure. Look,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: here's what I know. It involves money, involves sponsors and
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: what else. I know. We don't get enough, so Melissa
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: try harder. No, but she runs the business the businesses
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: and she's amazing. And and for those of you who
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: do know her, send some love on the typ Facebook
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: page and ask her to do more than one a year.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Well she hasn't done. How long do you reckon it
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: is since you've been on? I would say three years.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: It's been a very long time, to the point where
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: I actually just double checked.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: I'm like, are we recording?
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: Ah, yeah, I'm a little bit out of practice, but yeah,
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: it's been quite a while.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I want you to be brave. I'm not going to
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: do any fucking interrogating. But were you a bit nervous
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: to do this because you haven't done one for a
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: long time?
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: Yes, I've a little bit, and as I say, I'm
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: a little bit nervous and a little bit just out
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: of like.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, are you a little bit How does this work? Again?
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: A bit like how does it work? What do I do? Again?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: And yeah, yeah, well a lot of that going on. Well,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you're back, even if it is for one episode.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: And maybe, you know, if the people speak loud enough,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: maybe if there's you know, some kind of revault, you know,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: some kind of Jimmy Kimmel kind of backlash that the
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: people might say, we want more of Melissa, we want
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: less of you, you fuck an idiot. And then I'll
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: just pop on once a year and you can. But
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I can't do the shit you can do. So what
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: we're doing everyone, of course, you know, because we're halfway through.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: So we've chatted with TIV and again, thank you all
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: so much for being part of our journey over the
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: two thousand episodes in that almost eight years. And yeah,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: so we're just going to continue on with just some
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: thoughts and ideas that I think are somewhat representative important
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: representative kind of lessons to come out of or thought
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: bubbles to explore, to come out of the last two
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: thousand conversations or thereabouts on the you project. I'm interested
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: to hear what people think about the bit because we're
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: doing this in bits, and I recorded that you know
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: that bit at the start, Yes, the King, the King James. Yes,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: and you know, you know when you do it. We'll
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: get into it in a minute, but you know, when
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: you do shit like I do this all the time
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: everyone because I'm a big fucking baby who's insecure. I'll
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: do something then i'll go less, what do you think
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: of this? And if she goes, oh, it's good or
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: a shit, I go yeah, I'm definitely not doing it then.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Or if she goes it's good, I'm like, I'm definitely
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: doing it then. So not insecure at all. So as
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: soon as I wrote that, because I have that churchy
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: background and because all of my biblical stuff was in
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: that literally it's called King James. That's written in kind
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: of that King James style vibe, and I find it
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: really easy to write in that language, and it's kind
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: of for me, it's familiar and it's funny, and it's
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: a little bit of kind of an intersection of where
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: I used to be and where I am now, and
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: it's and I try for it not to be disrespectful
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: from a theological perspective. But then I think, to me,
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: it sounds like funny and normal. But I think other
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: people would hear that and go what the fuck is saying?
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Like what is this? Like? I don't what is he saying?
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: What do these words mean? Or worse still, imagine a
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: new person thinking this is actually how I just talk? Yes,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: this is They're like, is that Saint Peter introing the show? Is?
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: Is?
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: It?
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Definitely not all right? So Tiff and I went through
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: let me tell you what Tiff and I went through.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: So we spoke about the idea these ideas, assume you
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: could be wrong, do the hard thing to get the
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: good thing, Spend time with people who aren't like you, say,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: I don't know, do what scares you, and all of
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: these we unpacked. As you know, hit the pause button,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: set anti goals, loosen the grip on your identity, focus
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: on the climb, not the mountain. Stop thinking like you,
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: and that was it, and so we've got a few
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: more to get through. I don't know if we're going
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: to be thirty minutes, folks, or ninety minutes, but definitely
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: stick around if you can, and I'll try to make
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: this as user friendly and as kind of understandable, the
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: least jargon, the least science y kind of psychobabble that
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: we can manage. So Number one on your list, Melissa.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Is do exceptional to be exceptional?
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's an interesting thing the whole, Like, on a level,
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: I think we all maybe we don't, but I think
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: a lot of us want to be exceptional. I don't
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: know what that means. Like for me, exceptional just means
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: that it isn't the normal. It's like the exception to
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: the rule. And so for me, it's about doing what
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: most people won't do to get perhaps what most people
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: won't get. So I feel like, you know, do exceptional
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: to be exceptional? Well if I just outlast everyone that's
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: doing exceptional? Yeah, Well, if I'm the guy that does
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: six hundred episodes that make no money when the average
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: podcast last seven or eight episodes and I do six hundred,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: well that's not because I'm smarter or better. That's not
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: because I'm gifted. That's not because I'm clever. That's just
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: because I did what most people won't do right. And
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying oh one, no great, I'm saying no,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: we can all find a way to, through choices and
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: behaviors and resilience, to do something that will help us
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: create an exceptional outcome. And that's not because we're better
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: than other people, or we have a superiority complex, or
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: we are ourselves innately exceptional. It's because we're going to
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: go Well, you know, I want to write a book,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: and I want to get that book published, and I
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: want to sell some books. Well, I think I've spoken
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: to a thousand people in my life who want to
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: write a book. But the actual number of those thousand
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: people who wrote the book, planned the book, researched the book,
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: wrote the book, edited the book, got the book published,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: got to turn into a real thing in the world
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: from a theoretical thing in their mind, and then got
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: it distributed and then sold books and then make some
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: money from it. And this is not a criticism, this
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: is just how it works. Is that the majority will
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: not do these things unless they are easy. So the
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: amount of people that I know out of the thousand
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: that said I'm going to write a book, I really
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: want to write a book. It might be ten. And
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: then the amount of those that actually had a commercial
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: success with that book. I'm not sure there was one.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: And that's not to say we can't do it, and
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: that's maybe the make and dough from it is the variable.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: But they're getting to a point where you've got a
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: printed book in your hand. You know that is really
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: just a matter of effort and consistency and time and
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: even if you have to self publish. But I'm all
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: about analyzing and weighing up. You know, what is the
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: cost of the thing that I want to do? Firstly,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: what is it that I want to do? Be create? Like?
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: What do I want my career to look like? What
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: I want my body to look like, my relationships to
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: look like, my lifestyle to be. Where do I want
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: to live? What climate do I want to live in?
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Do I want to produce and create over the next
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: five years? What kind of existence do I want to
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: build for my family for my kids? What kind of
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: a teacher do I want to be? What kind of
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: a role model do I want to be? And then
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: the very quick part two of those questions is and
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: what's required of me? What's required of me to do that?
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Be that, create that, And so everything comes at a cost.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: You know, I've worked with so many people who were
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: very successful, and not because they're in that innately talented
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: or super gifted or better than anyone necessarily, but rather
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: just because they fucking persevered, like they were the exception
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: to the rule. We know that most people who and
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: this is not this is not hate, This is just
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: how it happens. Most people who lose weight regain it.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Most people who decide to go to a gym join
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: the gym and say I'm going to go every day.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Most people don't go every day. Most people give up
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: the greater percentage, more than fifty percent, and stop going
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: within a relatively short time. Most people who said a
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: new year's resolution don't achieve the new year's resolution, not
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: because they can't, not because they don't have the capacity,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: but because they just fucking stop. So what's normal is
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: giving up. What's normal is not finishing what we start.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: What's normal is not dealing with the pain and the
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: discomfort and the inconvenience and the roadblocks and the peaks
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: and troughs, and the naysayers and the negativity and the
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: bullshit and the discomfort and the uncertainty and the unfamiliarity.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: What's not normal is dealing with that and working through that.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: What's normal is to give up in the middle of that.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: And this is not a popular message. I don't care,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: but it's fucking true message. And if you want to
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: be exceptional, or you want to at the very least
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: create exceptional outcomes, then you can't do what most people
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: do because you will live truly produce common results by
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: doing common things. And now this is not about arrogance
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: or superiority. This is about saying, all right, Melissa et al.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: You are going to produce results anyway. You are constantly
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: producing results in your world, some of them good, some
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: of them fucking catastroptic, strophic, some of them Okay. Now,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: what is it that you want to produce? And what
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: is the thing that you want to be Not because
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: you're comparing yourself to anyone, but what's the thing that
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: you want to be fucking great at? What do you
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: want to be great at? What do you want to
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: be successful at? What do you what do you want
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: to what do you want to live in the middle of?
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: And I think that's that, you know, this is really
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: part of the doing exceptional. To be exceptional is really
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: just will I roll up my sleeves, will I do
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: the work? And how long will I do it for?
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: So do exceptional to be exceptional?
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Do you know? One of the probably biggest lessons that I've.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: Learned in the last couple of years watching you do
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: your PhD and having the privilege of kind of seeing
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: what's going on behind the scenes with all of that,
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: has been ties directly into this, and that was just
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: watching you keep going no matter what. And I particularly
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: it reminds me of that night before your final review, which.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: I was thinking of that just then.
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'm like nine out of ten people that
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: night probably would have just thrown in the towel.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: And I mean understandably.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's so many times that I've reflected back on
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: that and learned so much from the way that you
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: just persevered through that and somehow made it out the
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: other end.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: And for that, you know, we don't want.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: To you don't want to speak too soon, but for
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: that you'll be Yeah, you'll end up with that PhD
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: thank you.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: That is a really interesting I've said many times university
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: is not my natural habitat. I can do it. I
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: can do it, and I can be academic, and I
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: can do the job, you know. But it's it's and
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I love parts of it and I hate parts of it,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: but I'm grateful for all of it, the love and
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: the hate. And what Melissa's talking about is so part
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: of my program anyway, is what's called academic milestones, and
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: I had four of them, and it's basically which I
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: spoke about earlier with Tiff, where you go and you
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: stand before a board of academics and professors, same thing,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: and then they basically evaluate you. And before my last one,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: which was you know, and like I said, they're either
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: going to give you a green light, an orange light,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: or a red light. There's a chance that they'll go
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: you're out of the program, which they can still do
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: even at that stage after years of research. It's just
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: not to the quality, it's not to the standards. You
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: don't know what you're talking about. Performed terribly. That can happen.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: It doesn't happen a lot, but that can happen. The
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: next way, more common is that they give you an
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: orange light and say, cool, you're on the right path,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: but you need to do more, and you need to
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: go through this again. You need to repeat this again.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: And I was positive I was either going to get
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: a red or an orange light. The fact that I
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: would get a green light hadn't even crossed my mind.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: And I was on zoom the night before my review
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: trying to remember I told you everyone, it's a oh,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I didn't tell you this bit. It's a PowerPoint presentation.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Well fucking hell, that's like me trying to peel bananas
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: with boxing gloves on. I'm like, I can't, Like, I'm
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: not a PowerPoint presentation person. Anyway, it doesn't matter about
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: what you are, because Craig, it's it's we're not changing
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: the fucking system for you, of course, of course, of course.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: And this is me saying, you know, mister, hey, just
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: be adaptable. I'm like, fuck your adaptation. You know this
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: is dumb. More like me anyway. So the night before
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: I and Melissa and Chris, my senior supervisor, and Lucy
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: my second supervisor, academic supervisor, I think, and Campbell, another
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: guy who was so you have a whole team, you
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: have a supporting team, and anyway, we were that's right.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: So there was five of us and we were we
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: were on zoom to two o'clock, two o'clock in the
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: and from literally seven pm. And I I don't know
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: what my emotional limit is, but I was right there,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: and I honestly and at that point where you're exhausted
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: and some things are like, this is not your natural habitat.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: And by the way, I'm not I'm not saying I'm great.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: In fact, I'm saying I wish I was great, because
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: this would have been way less stressful. But because I
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: with something, you know, with technology and with like even
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: using PowerPoint and all that stuff, which is very mundane
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: and basic for most people, so I don't use it.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: So when and then when I go to use it,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: it's like I'm trying to teach something that I don't
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: actually understand. But anyway, I got through. I got through.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: And it was funny because the three previous reviews I
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: was I was very, very nervous, and leading up to this,
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I was hysterically nervous. But then when it actually started,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember, and there was a
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: bit of it's almost like I hit one out of
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: the park, like I think one of the reviewers smiled,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: or when oh yeah, that's interesting, or they gave me
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: something positive which is a rarity.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Yes, and it just kind of came together.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: Oh but yeah, that was one of those moments for me. Yeah.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: Me that it also spoke to the fact that a
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: lot of it, even the night before, everything was just
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: it was a messy process, like there was no perfection
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: to it, Like it was just like messiness. And then
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: you know, you get feedback to say, no, that's going
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: to get thrown out or that's not done the right way,
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: and even like pulling that end product together, it was
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: a messy process, but you found a way. And I
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: think the other part of that too was there was
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: no kind of escape clause, like you had a due date,
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: everybody going to be there, there was no getting out
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: of it. It was obviously with the fact that so
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: many people know that you're doing your PhD, like there
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: was so much on the line, And I think that
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: also just kind of speaks to sometimes when you're forced
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: to do something, that can be the difference between you
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: actually getting it done and you've got that accountability and
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: not getting it done.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, how much disc can you deal with?
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Sometimes that and also, you know, it's funny though we
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: speak about this all the time about in some rooms
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: you're the dumbest, in others you're the smartest, and you know,
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: it depends where you go, it depends who you're with,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: and like that. That was very good for me though,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: because as horrible as it was, I got through it,
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: which was nice. And you know, it's it's actually for
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: the guy that's pretty comfortable most of his life now,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: like most of my discomfort is self inflicted, you know, training,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Like I'm walking a million miles a day, not that
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: that's hard, but you know, sometimes like I'm walking it
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Nellie midnight because i haven't had you know, so I'm
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: out and I've got to do fucking eight thousand steps
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: before midnight or whatever it is, right, or you know,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: I'm deadlifting, or I'm fucking leg pressing or a leg
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: press last week and I've had neural pain for fucking
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: seven days. I'm like, oh, but anyway, it just is
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: what it. But yes, do exceptional to be exceptional? Yes?
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Have you found that?
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: Like as I said before, I've even like as a
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: third party, found that kind of has transferred to me
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: and the way I think and when I reflect back
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: of I'm doing something supposedly hard, thinking of moments like
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: that that make me go, no, I can't actually do it.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: I just haven't committed enough, or something like that.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: Have you found that that has kind of transferred into
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: other areas or aspects.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: Of your life? You know?
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: How like sometimes when people, you know, they think they
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: can't run, and then all of a sudden they're running
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: a five k or a half malethron or whatever the
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: case might be, and then it opens up other doors.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: Have you found that with your UNI work?
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Look, with not just with that, but with everything.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: You know, It's like I had sounded like the old
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I can dickheat at the end of the bar that
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: just bangs on. But here I am. Did I have
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: to tell you how good I was? Fucking hold my beer,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: Brian and listen to this. But you know, like setting
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: up a personal training center when there weren't any. So
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: it's not like I could go and look at one.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: I couldn't talk to a personal training center owner because
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: there wasn't one. There was no course, there was no insurance,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: there was no industry, there was no profession. And I
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: was well, I started peteing at twenty two, and then
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I set up my first studio at twenty six. But
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: and I was you know, I just didn't know how
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: to do anything. I didn't know how to lead people.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: I didn't know how to build a business. I didn't
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: know about marketing or branding. I didn't know about accounting.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: I didn't know about insurance. I didn't know about how
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: to find a property and secure a lease. And I
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: didn't know how to talk to lawyers. I didn't know
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: how to pull all this shit together. I didn't know.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I didn't have any kind of business development plan. You know,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't have known what a business development plan like.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: But you just jump in, you know, you jump in
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: and you'll sink or swim, and you'll fuck things up.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: But if you don't give up when you fuck up
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: the first thing, as long as you're not killing yourself
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: or anyone in the process, you go all right. Well
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: that was terrible. My first staff meeting with my three
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: staff was terrible. I was fucking hopeless. How can I
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: be better? Or you know this, you know this thing happened.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I've never dealt with that thing before, or I've got
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: an angry client and they're really mad at me, and
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: they want to how do I deal with angry people?
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: And it's not the business I'm working for. It's my
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: business now, you know, So all of that over the years,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: all of that, you know, trying to I think hard
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: stuff is the best stuff, you know, and we don't
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: want it to be you know, overwhelming and debilitating, of course,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: and like choosing hard is way better, of course, because
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: you have the option, but still consciously doing things that
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: you know are going to suck, because you know there's
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: perhaps some light at the end of that darkness of suck.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: You know, you know that I don't want to do this.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do this, but I know that
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: if I do do it, I'll benefit from it because
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I'll develop understanding and skill and resilience and knowledge and awareness,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: and I'll be able to get better. But I can't
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: get better if I'm always choosing safe. If every decision
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: is about safety and certainty and predictability and familiarity and
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: instant gratification and comfort, which it is for a lot
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: of people, will fucking good luck trying to fulfill any
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: of your potential because you can't do that being comfortable.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: So so yeah, I think there's definite you know, and
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: we've spoken before about Huberman's AMCC and mid singulate cortext. Oh,
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: let's bang on about that, shall we. It's just a
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: bit of the brain everybody that when you do hard things,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: whatever the hard thing is, whether or not it's you know,
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: cleaning the dishes at eleven thirty at night after a
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: party and you really just want to go to bed,
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: but you go, oh fuck it, and then clean the dishes,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: You put them away, you clean the floor, and you
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: really don't want to, but you do it. When you're
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: doing that thing that you probably should do but you
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: don't want to do. It might be getting up as
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: soon as the alarm goes off and you don't want to,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: but you do it. It might be you know, it
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: could be whatever, having that hard conversation that you're scared
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: to have, but you just go and have it anyway.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: So there's there's actually a part of our brain that
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: grows when we choose to lean into the scary shit
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: or the hard ship. You know.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: I feel like maybe yours is blown up to the
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: point where it's dislodged your sinuses.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Yes, I think that's what's happened. It's blocked my right sinus.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: It's crept over the top of my fucking prefrontal cortex
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: and it's making its way down. What's the next one
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: on our list?
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: I've made it up to number two thirty minutes this call.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Can I say you are really inefficient? Sorry, I'm kidding though,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: we love, we love why. I can't speak on behalf everyone,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: but I love just hearing your back on the show
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: and banging on what's an two?
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Compare you with you?
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I'm not a big you know. They say comparison
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: is the thief of joy, and I think it's so true. Like,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: you know, there are occasions where I think we could
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: perhaps pay attention to what someone else is doing it
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: and maybe learn something from that, or maybe you know, go,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: well he did that, and him and I are kind
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: of similar, so maybe I could do that. Maybe there's
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: that kind of comparison, but not that internal kind of
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: self judgment comparison where you look at what somebody else
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: is doing and you either resent them or you resent yourself,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: or you immerse yourself in a little bit of self
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: loathing because you're you're comparing two different things. You are
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: not them, and they are not you, and they don't
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: have your genetics or talent or personality or resources, and
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: you don't have theirs. So it's not it's not really,
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: it's not a productive use of our energy, or our
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: attention or our focus. I think, for me, the only
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: healthy comparison I need to think this through. I'm sure
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: there's another one, but for me right now, the only
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: healthy comparison that springs to mind is me comparing me
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: with me. You know how I was a year ago?
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: How I am now? You know how I did this
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: six months ago? Or even you know when you got
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: the flu. I don't compare my flu with your flu.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: I go, how am I compared to Monday when I
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: couldn't get out of bed and I was shit? Well
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: now it's Friday, and yeah, I'm improving, I'm getting better.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: This is good. I think there are healthy comparisons and
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: unhealthy comparisons, but in general terms, you know, it's like
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: That's why I think something like which is a high
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: level form of comparison, but is testing in the gym
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: where we go to the gym and we get you know,
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: a form of an aerobic a VO two or a
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Subvo two max test where we're testing aerobic capacity, and
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: we might test upper and lower body strength, and we
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: might test a flexibility range of movement around the joint.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: We might do some balance testing. Like there's a bunch
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: of testing that we can do with our body. That
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: basically what it does, it gives us some baseline data.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: And then what we often do off the back of
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: that is we'll go back in four weeks or eight weeks,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: or twelve weeks or six, six weeks, sixteen weeks, I
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: should say, and we do the same thing. So we've
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: got now the same person with the same body, all
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: bit slightly modified perhaps, but the same person with the
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: same body, doing the same tests, and we're getting more results.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: And so we go, well, Melissa, on day one, you
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: did one push up. I'm going to be honest, it
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: wasn't great, you know. And now on you know, day
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: seventy two, which is twelve day eighty four, twelve sevens
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: or eighty four, twelve weeks later, you're doing seven push
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: ups and they're you know, full body weight and blah
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: blah blah. Week four you did two. And so we're
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: seeing growth and we're seeing oh, by the way, your
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: body compositions changed in the way that you wanted. It's changed,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: so we had a number for that. Now we have
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: a new number. Also, your aerobic capacity is improved and
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: you're resting. Heart rates dropped, and your blood pressures dropped,
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: and your VO two max, which is you know, our
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: oxygen carrying capacity has gone up, and all of these.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: So I think that kind of comparison can be done
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: in a really healthy way, and we don't need that
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: level of expertise or scientific validation. We can go Hey,
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: when I started running, or when I started walk a jog, walk, jog,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: eventually run, I used to do this five k circuit.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: It took me fifty minutes, and now I do the
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: five k circuit in thirty minutes. So I've gone from
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: ten minute you know ks to six minute ks, and
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: I reckon, I'm going to get quicker. So I'm doing
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: the same distance with the same body at a different speed,
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: and not only am I doing it quicker, I'm finding
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: it easier than when I did it slower. And that's
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: not because the distance has changed or the course has changed,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: but rather I've changed. So that kind of comparison is
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: a healthy comparison. Probably then one we should kind of
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: engage in.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: Do you think a lot of that also has to
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: do with our intention behind it, Like obviously with what
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: you're saying, there is comparing us to us, but even
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: if even if we do in some way compare us
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: to others, but from an aspirational point of view or
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: to use it as a motivation of Okay, that might
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: be possible if I, you know, compare me right now
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: to where I could be in say, two years time
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: kind of thing. Using that is more of a motivation
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: or an aspiration as opposed to something negative in that oh,
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: you know, why do they have this or why? You know,
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: why are they there in their lives and I'm here
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: kind of thing?
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Yea one hundred percent. That's a good differentiation and a
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: good distinction, And I think I think that's more paying
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: attention to what people are doing, being creating, changing who
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: are somewhat similar to us. You know. So when I
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: see an other dude who's about my age, and you know,
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: he's just climbed fucking Everest or something, I take note.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: I go, ah, he's my age and he just climbed
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: Mount Everest. I'm like, I don't go fuck that guy,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: I go, oh wow, that dude's a stud. I wonder
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: if given the right circumstances preparation conditioning, I wonder if
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: I could do that. And that's not something I'm interested in,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: but definitely if I was, i'd maybe I would use
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: that guy as a source of inspiration. So definitely, I
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: think we can use it in that context. However, I
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: do not know the answer to this, but I would
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: speculate that the majority of comparison off the back of
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: social media is more to the unhealthy end of the scale,
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: Like I think, you know, literally comparison culture. You know,
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: what we talk about more broadly these days. That ain't
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: a good thing. That what we're talking about there. But again,
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: with everything, it depends depends how we do it, depends
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: why we do it, you know, it depends like anything.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: You know, drinking water is healthy until you drink ten
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: liters a day, and then it's going to kill you
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: because it dilutes things in your blood that shouldn't be diluted,
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: and you get a thing called hypenetremia where all of
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: your you know, minerals and salts get deleted and your
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: blood pressure drops and people literally die from being overhydrated. Well,
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: obviously that's an extreme case, but it's still people drink
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: and water. It's sometimes it's about what we do with
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: the thing. Sometimes it's about the dose, you know. It's
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: like I've shared on this quite openly before, and I
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: don't drink or smoke every now and then. Maybe five
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: times a year, I'll have a two milligram nicorette gum
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: because it kind of lights up my brain for an
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: hour or two and I'm like, this is fucking terrific.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: But I won't have another one for like three months,
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: and I'll only do it if if I need a
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: little bit of a cognitive boost. But would I wreck
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: amend any listeners to do that. Nope, nope. I'm just
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: telling you what I do ah every now and then.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: But it's like it's again, it's like, yeah, well that, oh,
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: I guess that's okay, Craig, Like, two milligrams of nicotine
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: four times a year is probably not going to kill you,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: but twenty milligrams of nicotine every day is a different story.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: So it's it comes down and people go, I'm so
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: surprised that No, I don't confuse nicotine with cigarettes. Yes,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: most firstly, I'm not saying nicotine is great. I'm saying
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: most of the shit that kills you in cigarettes isn't
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: the nicotine. Albeit, nicotine is addictive, but you know there
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: are Let's not have that conversation. But yes, let's move
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: on to the Yeah, let's do that before I get
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: fucking sidetracked and back myself into a cognitive and verbal
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: cul de sac that I just did.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, next we have start unready.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And all I mean by that is, I guess
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: I'm speaking to the fact that a lot of people
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: spend their life waiting for the mystical, mythical, magical right time.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: It's not the right time, it's not the right this,
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: or it's not the right that. And look, that is
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: true sometimes, but also and in other news, sometimes that's bullshit.
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: You know. Sometimes art's not a good time is code
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: for I'm scared and I don't want to start. And
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I understand that too. I've done that too, not a
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: good time, my ankle saw that. Whatever the it's coming
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: up to holidays, it's this. And I'm not saying we
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: should willing, nearly just dive into things recklessly. However, if
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: you are one of the people who have been almost
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: starting things for ten years, and you're never ready. You know,
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: what some people are really saying is I'll start when
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: I'm ready. They're really saying, I'll start when I'm not scared.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: I'll start when it's convenient, I'll start when it's easy,
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: I'll start when it's comfortable, I'll start when it's risk free.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: Because the truth is, the thing that most of us
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: need to start to really create shift is usually fucking hard.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: And the dichotomy is, on the one hand, we want
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: change and on the other hand we want to be comfortable, though,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: and change and comfort don't go together. So it's the
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: willingness to go, yeah, do I feel totally ready? Do
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: I feel mentally and emotionally? And no? Of course, of
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: course it's going to suck a bit, you know, And
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: let's separate that kind of process from you know, diving
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: into something that's reckless and dangerous. Of course, we're not
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: suggesting that.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: With that.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: A couple of things actually come to mind, and I
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: don't mean to keep tying it back to you. Which
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: one is that something that kind of came up throughout
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: the process was starting with like a draft zero kind
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: of thing, Because I think a lot of the fear
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: of our well, I've got to start. But not only
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: do I have to start, it's starting with kind of
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: the end product in mind, and therefore expecting to go
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: from nothing to the end product in one go without
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: any of iteration, without any form of and whether that's
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: you know, writing a paper or changing a routine or
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: you know, starting a different form of exercise. I feel
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: like that's just something that's kind of become a little
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: bit more apparent for me in recent years of No,
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: you don't have to start with the the you know,
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: the intention of it being the perfect end product right now,
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: it's just get something on paper or just start with
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: the exercise and then kind of iterate as you go.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: And yeah, I think that's been a real light bulb moment.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: I know for me, I know it sounds obvious, but
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: as somebody who's probably innately.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: Driven to be quite type A, it.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: May as also known as OCD as fuck. Let's be honest,
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: A bad draft is better than no draft. Yes, like
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: not outstanding workouts better than the couch, as long as
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: you're not injuring yourself. I mean, yeah, you're exactly right.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: And this ties into the you know, that My thing
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: that I bang on about, and it's a metaphor, it's
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: not literal, or it can be literal, is you can't
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: become a black belt without being a white belt.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: So when you're a white belt, you're bad. Everyone is
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: better than you. Yeah, today is day one. Put on
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: your white belt. You're the fucking outlier. That's okay, one
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: day you won't be. But right now you have no knowledge,
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: no understanding, no specific fitness to that art form. You
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: have no skill, you have no knowledge, and right now
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: you're the worst in the room. And guess what. That's exciting.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: What if we turn that round and go, guess what,
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: you are the one person in the room with the
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: most potential for growth. Yeah, right, we just flipped that
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: little bit right. We're like, hey, dude, you've got more
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: scope for improvement over the next twelve months than everyone
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: else in this room because you're zero. You're zero, and
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: they're already somewhere between three and ten. You're zero in
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: a year, you're going to be three. Yes, that's a
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: massive improvement. But the dude who's eight in a year,
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: or the dude at they're not going to be ten.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: They're going to be eight point one, they're going to
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: have improved point one. You're going to improve three. And
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: so this is reframing. And this is, by the way,
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: how do I get good at stuff that I'm bad at? Well,
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: you start when you're bad at it, you start unready,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: you go okay, So this is going to suck. It's
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: really just as we said before, it's accepting the price, Like,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: what's the price. The prices I'll get humiliated. The price
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: is i'll have I'll probably get an injury or two.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: If we're talking about the dojo example, the price is
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: I'll look silly. The price is, you know, a self
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: esteem might take a fucking battering. And okay, are you
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: okay with all of that? Oh I am cool? Off
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: you go boom the end. Stop fucking overthinking it. Stop
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: stop having to be okay, stop having to look good,
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: stop having you know, or stop wanting people to think
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: highly of you all the time. Fuck it. Just do
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: the process. Just do the process.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: Stop.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: How hilarious is it that we worry about what people
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: we don't even know. People who don't know us, understand us,
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: have never met us, they do not love us, Yet
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: we worry about their opinion what a fucking massive waste
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: of emotional energy. You know, have I ever done it?
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: Of course, this is the human experience. And it's like, oh,
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: how do I overcome that? Well, you don't overcome it
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: by sitting home worrying about what people are going to
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: think if you turn up to the gym. Yes, I
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: mean I know hundreds of people who won't go to
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: the gym because they think they're too fat. And that's
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: not my words, that's their words. It's like, oh, I
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: can't I need to lose weight. I'm like, ah, do
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: you understand what a gym's for? And by the way,
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: you're not too fat, you're not too by the way,
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: you're perfect. But also you know or you're perfectly ready
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: to go. But also here's the thing you don't think about.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: And if anyone knows this thing I'm about say, it's
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: fucking me right. Nobody gives a fuck about you in
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: the gym, Like, hey, have a look at them. They're
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: either looking at their phone or looking at themselves in
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: the mirror. They don't give a fuck about you sitting
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: on the xcise bike sweating your ass off. So fucking
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: don't worry about it, you know, And if one of
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: them did, Oh, here's an idea who cares, like, stop
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: giving people your power. Stop handing over your own sovereignty
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: and your own self esteem and your own fucking self
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: worth to that blokeup there that doesn't even notice you're
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: in the gym. That's what we do. This is all
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: shit that goes on. And oh no, I'm not comfortable
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: in that place. Guess what it's not about the place.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: It could it be about you. And of course, sometimes
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: if somebody has been you know, bullied or whatever, I
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: get that. But in general terms, yeah, oh, gyms don't.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: A lady said to me recently, gyms don't work for me. Okay,
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: what does that even mean? Oh, they don't work for me.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I don't. What does that mean? She goes, oh, no,
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: it's not my thing. I'm like, well, here's here's here's
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: a thing. You're sitting there asking me how to get
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: in shape. Now I'm telling you how to get in shape.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: I'm also telling you they've invented these places called gyms,
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: and for about fifteen bucks a week or two bucks
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: a day, you can go to these gyms, these places
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: twenty four seven and you can have a million dollars
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: worth of equipment at your disposal for two bucks a day.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: And by the way, you don't need to enjoy it,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: you need to love it, like this whole rule. Oh,
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: if I'm not enjoying it, I'm not doing it. Well,
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: good luck with life, because there's a lot of shit
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: you're not going to enjoy. Like hopefully, if there's two
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: options and they produce the same outcome on the same outcome,
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: well sure, let's choose the one that's more enjoyable. I'm
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: with you. But the bottom line is the reality is,
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: initially anyway, there'll be things that you don't enjoy. And
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: guess what, over time, when you build confidence, when you
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: build fitness, when you build strength, when your body changes,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: when your mind changes, or whatever the challenge or whatever
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: the environment. But over time you'll change and then the
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: thing that you didn't in. Oh, so many people I
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: know have gone from mom not a gym person to
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: they're a fucking gym junkie. Now they're annoying the shit
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: out of everybody talking about the gym. It wasn't about
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: the gym at all. It was about their thinking, you know,
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: I could never, I could never. Well, no, you can
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: you just don't want to or you're scared. All right,
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: let's plow on.
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: The next one. Show ugly you.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, show ugly you like I just love And by
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: that I mean, like, h stop trying to be. As
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: I said with Tiff, the persona, not the person that's
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: like like, not the show, you know, not the brand.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Like I think, and I've mentioned this too many times,
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: but I just think there's a liberation in sharing our
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: flaws and fuck ups and failures, wrinkles and backfat with
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: the world. You know. It's like, I mean, think about this,
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: like talking about showing up ugly I reckon thirty times
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: in the last eight years. I've literally spoken about my
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: shitting on this show. How to have a great shit,
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: you know, how to optimize one's anatomy when one's sitting
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: there with a squatty potty that I'm not sponsored by,
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: by the way, but hey, feel free to reach out
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: squatty potty.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: And that, my.
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: Friend, is why you've had not one, but two of
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: those brands approached you in the last week.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: Have I haven't told you about the second one yet?
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: But yes, oh.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: Well, what don't I know these things? But anyway, but
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: what I mean is it's like, I think it's so
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: funny that people I understand it, by the way, but
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: I'm like, surely there's someone else that listens to this
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: show that shits. Surely there's another shitter out there. Surely
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: I am not the only one. And by the way,
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: surely some people get constipated and having a good morning
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: kind of evacuation is not always easy for them. I know,
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: I've got a bit of insight. Let's talk about it,
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: you know. And I don't think every show, and I
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: know right now some people are going, oh my god,
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: this is disgusting. I'm turning off. Sure sure, Brian turn off,
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: Diane turn off. It's all good. I shouldn't say that
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: because then people I love Diane's and I love Brian,
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: so apologies. But I mean that, you know, just being
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: able to show up and being whatever you are, and
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: whether or not that's you know, the best version of
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: you or the ugly version. I don't mean physically ugly.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: I mean where you're just not trying to present this image,
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: you know, so and if if you can turn up
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: just being raw and real and then inverted commas ugly
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: and people can accept you and love you and connect
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: with you in that state, then you don't need to
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: worry about dragging around this fucking persona with you everywhere.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: That's exhausting. Right next one, I'm ready.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: We can't get more talent.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Yes, I know that's an obvious thing to say, but
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: you know, we can develop skill. We can build skill,
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: we can build fitness, we can build strength, we can
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: learn to sing better, we can learn to paint better,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: we can learn to optimize things. But I feel like
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: I say that a lot. It's been my experience that
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: a lot of people waste a lot of their talent,
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: you know, let's talent, potential, innate capacity to be able
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: to do something amazing. And it's not that they don't
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: have the capacity for greatness or success or breakthroughs. That's
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: not that they don't have that. It's not that they
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: don't have the talent or the potential to be able
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: to succeed and create something spectacular. The problem is not
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: so much that as it is they're thinking about that
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: their self talk. I'm shit, I couldn't do that. I've
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: got no talent. I'm not creative. I couldn't go to
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: a gym, i couldn't run. There's all of these stories,
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: there's all of these intertwined stories that are intertwined with
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: beliefs that they become the prison. Your hurdle is not
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: your talent. The obstacle is not your potential. The obstacle
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: is your thinking, you know. And when our constant in
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: a dialogue is you know, somewhere between I don't think
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: I could and I'm complete shit, I definitely could. We
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: need to recognize that for what that is, and that
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: is just a story. And of course, you know, we
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: are not. Our capacity is not limitless. Of course there's
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: a limit to what we can do. But I haven't
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: I met too many people who I think if ten
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: is our limit, our individual ten, I don't think I've
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: met too many people who are up near ten. And
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: that's well, that might sound like criticism, it's actually a
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: compliment because I just think people have got way more
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: ability than they think. Yes, you know, way more ability.
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: A quick story which I've shared five times, I had
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: a lady called doesn't matter, but an older lady that
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: was one of my first clients ever. And you've heard
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: this story. She came to my first ever studio, which
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: was little, fifteen hundred square foot studio nine ninety above
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: another a retail business, and she walked in with a
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: cane basket because she'd been shopping. She was chubbs, she
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: was gorgeous, she was irish, she had the most beautiful voice.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: She's like, I just wanted to fucking hug her, which
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: would have been weird, weird as soon as she walked up,
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: she walked up the stairs because I think it set
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: on my door. Some like Craig Harper fitness consultant. This
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: was before the Harpers brand. I was doing it. I
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: was training people. I had a studio, but I due
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: to some comp not complications, but some restrictions by the council,
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: Like you weren't allowed to open a gym, but you
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: could have a consultancy. I'm like, okay, so what if
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: I fill it with gym equipment and I call a consultancy.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: They're like, yep, great idea. I'm like, fuck and now
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed,
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: but you blokes are fucking idiots, right, so okay, so
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: we'll call it. Anyway. She came in and she saw me,
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: and she saw the gym, and she was like, fuck this,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: and she did a one ad and she was about
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: to walk out, and you know, she I chatted to
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: her and I somehow convinced her to come back and
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: just do a little easy, peasy workout and she loved it.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: And you know, it took a little while before she
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: loved me and loved it, but she loved it. And
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: you know, she got very comfortable, very quickly, and or
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm going to say within a week. And
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: then we just started talking about you know, like she
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: was very unfit and she's like, but what how do
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: I even I'm not you know, I'm like, cool, whatever
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: you can do if you can walk up the stairs once,
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: because there were stairs to the space, I go, so
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: we'll walk up the stairs and then you put your
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: bum on a seat for a minute and we'll have
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: a chat, and then you'll do another one, and you
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: put your bum on a seat for another minute, and
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: then you do another one and then we go, wow,
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: today she did three flights. Well done. And then we'll
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: go and do some lightweights and then we'll have a
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: gentle stretch and then I'm going to talk to you
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: about your food a bit, and then I'm going to
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: tell three dick jokes because I'm hilarious, and then I'm
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: going to send you on your way. She's probably inappropriate
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: for it. There's no extra cost, no extra cost, and
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: she that was her favorite bit because she was Irish.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: But then you know when you go, all right, so
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: now it's been three months and now you're doing twenty
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: flights of those stairs that you could only do one.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: And that's progress, that's changed, that's transformation. And anyway, some
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: months after that first workout, I honestly can't remember how
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: many months, but I'm going to say it was somewhere
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: between six and twelve, she did a five k run
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: five k run with me. She ran a five kilometer
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: fun run which I registered her and myself in and
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: her family, oh my god. Her family were like they
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: did not because she didn't really let on what she
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: was doing too much. It's kind of hard to explain
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: back in the nineties also early nineties, what the fucker
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: personal trainer is. Nobody really gets it. People used to
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: go so they give you money and you watch them exercise.
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: I'm like, kinda kind of they do the workout and
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: I get the cash. It's a little bit more than that,
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: but and what do you do do you not work
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: out with them. I go, no, I'll watch them. They go.
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: So you fucking stand there and they do it, and
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: you get I'm like, what a great idea. Huh.
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: I wonder how she actually ended up there on that day,
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: because well.
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: She wanted to see what it was, because she I
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: wanted to do something about her health, and it just
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: said fitness consultant. I could have been a bloke and
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: a white coat and a stepthoscope and she didn't know what.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: She walked up and there's a fucking there's a savage
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: in a fucking tiny singlet lifting heavy shit, and she's like,
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: get the fuck out of here, like she couldn't turn
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: around quick enough. You know. I don't blame her, but
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: uh yeah, and she just that lady. Oh my god.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: When I looked at she lost like thirty k's. Her
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: fitness went from literally fucking half two for her potential
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: to an eight. Yeah, amazing and amazing to see. Yeah,
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: family came and watched, and oh well some of her family.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: Her husband thought. I don't know what her husband thought
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: about me. He's like, the fuck's this bloke? And kids
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: and she was crying and they were crying, and it's
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: like just the best, the best, but it's for me.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: It's not even the fun one was great, the transformation
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: was great, but you know what's fucking great? And this
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: is always the way when people go from such a
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: low starting point to such an achievement. There's always part
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: of them. Yet there's the physical stuff. You're leaning, you better,
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: you're faster, you're healthier, you've just increased your lifespan and
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: your health span. Fucking go you. But there's this other
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: thing which is almost not thought of, which for me
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: is the real power all of us. Sudden they start
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: to understand their potential. Yeah, you know, they start to
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: which is what we're talking about, talent potential. They just
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: start to go, oh ah, in a million years, I
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: did not even think I could do this. I wouldn't
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: even have thought about it. And not only do I
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: now know I can do it, I've actually done it.
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: And then you think, just as I did when I
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: was fourteen and lost thirty odd kilos, then you think, oh,
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: what else can I do that I thought I couldn't do?
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: Because this opens a different door in your brain where
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: you start to get evidence that's at odds with your
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: belief about what's your capacity. You're like, well, fuck, my
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: story is I can't do this, and now I've got
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: evidence to the contrary. It's not someone wishing me well
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: or giving me a bit of a fucking group hug
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: or a pat on the back. I've actually done this
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: thing and it's you know, so when people say how
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: do you build confidence, it's like, just do hard shit.
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: You can have all the fan clubs in the world
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: telling you you're a fucking legend, but it's not the
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: same until you actually go and do what is legendary
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: for you.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: And when you go, ah, so that wasn't true. What
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: else isn't true?
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: Oh exactly, Melissa, exactly. Can I just say something that
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: I'm noticing right.
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: Now, Yes, that we're going for a really long time.
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: No, I'm cool with that. Can I just say that
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: you've made a crucial mistake?
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: Did I not hit I've hit record. I've checked it
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: about fourteen times.
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: No, I'm not talking about your Your crucial mistake is
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: that you're so fucking good at this. And I know
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: you're going to go no, I'm shit, na, na, nah,
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: but you're good at this. You should Hey, everyone, if
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: you think Melissa should do more of this. Please go
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: to the Facebook page. Please go to the Facebook page.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: And if we get one hundred people, if we get
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: one hundred people who like it, and so we just
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: need to go yep, I think, and then one hundred
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: people agree, then we might have to have a meeting.
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: You and I all right, let's keep going.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: That's because we were only like five in and we're
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: like an hour.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: You are we? How long we've been recording?
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: Three minutes?
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: I think I think we babbled a bit beforehand, but
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: I think it's been I think I think you're good.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: I think you're the actual real next one.
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: Stop waiting for apetuny it is.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: Stop waiting for opportunities. I think that you know, when
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: opportunities present themselves magically, that's good. But I think there
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: are three kind of components. There's people who there are
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: people who hope an opportunity presents itself and wait for
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: an opportunity to come along. There are people who try
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: to connect with others I guess, to get an opportunity.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: And then there are those who go, fuck it, how
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: can I what can I practically do myself to make
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: my own opportunity? You know? So I guess the analogy
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: is like, you know, nobody's going to come knock on
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: your door to say, I know you think you're an
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: author and we publish books, or you're a potential author,
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: so we're just here just to you know, reach out
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: and say, start right that book because we're going to
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: publish it. Like that's never happening. So how do you
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: get to that stage? Will you write a book? You
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: just start writing and you write it, you edit it,
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: you refine it. You think about a name, you think
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: about what's on the front cover and the back cover.
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: You think about distribution, you think about who's your target audience.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: And you don't need a degree to do this, and
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: you don't need anybody in your ear to do this.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: You can just do this and the first draft will
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: be shit, in the second draft to be less shit,
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: and people will look at it and give your feedback
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: and maybe if that's what you want, and then you
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: can read and reread and you know, then eventually, you know,
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: I wrote my first book and self published because who
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: the fuck's Craig Harper? And then that got self published.
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: Then I got approached by a publisher. Now they only
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: approached me with an opportunity or an offer because I
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: did it in the first place. Yes, So because I
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: created my own opportunity by literally sitting down and doing
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: the work and then producing something and pushing it out
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: into the real world. And then they went, well, he's
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: actually written a book and it's been published and been
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: distributed and he sold copies and we quite like it,
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: so maybe we'll work with him. But I just think that,
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: you know, if an opportunity presents itself, if something comes along,
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: ace ace. But it's like even when you I don't
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: even know what they are, but you told me about
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: a couple of potential sponsors before, right, Well, the reason
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: that they come along is because we've created a platform
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: that people want to be a part of. Yes, But
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: the opportunities only came because we fucking created this thing,
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: and we stuck around for six hundred episodes going backwards financially,
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: and then eventually, you know, something kicked in, which is
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: really great. But if I just sat there on episode
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: five and went, well, I'm not doing any more episodes
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: till I get a knock on the door with a
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: sponsorship opportunity, it would have died eight years.
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: Ago, exactly.
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: And the other thing with that is and maybe this
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: is just my inner control freak, but I feel like
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: when you create the opportunity yourself, right, you have a
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: lot more ownership over what that looks like and what
• 57:11
  Speaker 3: that involves.
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: Whereas waiting for.
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: Someone to come to you with something that fits perfectly
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: and meets you know, all your desires, all of that
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: not only is unlikely, but also you have less kind
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: of ability to, I guess, create that in the way
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: that would suit you best.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: When you think about our collaboration with Nova, for which
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: I'm very grateful, you know, they came to us because
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: we already had lots of listeners. Yeah, they came to
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: us because we were succeeding. We're going great. You know,
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: we went Joe Rogan, but we were going great. They
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: came to us and it was win win.
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: But part of the reason for that was because you
• 57:55
  Speaker 3: were able to develop a show in your style that
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: worked well for the way.
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: That you deliver right.
• 58:03
  Speaker 3: Had you initially been approached by a network that said
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: it has to be twenty minute episodes or thirty minute episodes,
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: it has to be pre recorded in this, you know,
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: and heavily edited, and this is the track it needs
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: to go down there's a fair chance that that would
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: have never taken off because it wouldn't have been authentic
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: to you and to your brand, and therefore it likely
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: wouldn't have even worked.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: So one hundred percent, well, that would suck the big
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: fat one. And I would say no if I get
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: too technical, let me know everyone. But also I was
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: going to say, which you kind of said. But even
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: with Nova if noverg if, like today, we didn't ring
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: nover and go by the way, we're doing a three
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: hour episode yep, because an never have no say in
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: how many episodes I produce a week. I mean, maybe
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: a little bit, but that, But what I mean is
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: that's great. They are great for us, and novgo you're
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: pretty good at this, So we'll get the fuck out
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: of the way, and Craig and Melissa and Tiff. What
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: you'll do is you'll produce episodes, you'll get guests, you'll edit,
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: and then you'll you'll load it. You'll do all that,
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: and we'll be over here trying to find you sponsors
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: and you know, brands that want to align with you
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: and work with you. We'll do that. You produce the shows,
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: and we're like, well, fucking great, because you're good at
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: that and we're good at this. So you do your thing,
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: we'll do our thing. You take this percentage, we'll take
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: that percentage. Everybody happy, Yep, good, Let's go home perfect.
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: You know, but that's that. But you know that is
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: it was literally an opportunity that went both ways.
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, and ways in which you can maximize speaking
• 59:41
  Speaker 3: of talent before you can maximize your skill set and
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: they can do what they're best at. And then together
• 59:47
  Speaker 3: it is a partnership that works well for BOS parties.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: Let's do a few more. Let's go with the next
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: one on your list. Then we might skip one or two.
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: I'm just thinking, because oh we've been a while, I'm ready.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: Yes, I feel a bit bad saying this.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: I know you do, but I'll quickly jump in the
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: next one is you're not special? Now what I mean
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: by that before you all start getting hurt and wringing
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: your mum, you know, like, which is not to say
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: you can't do special things, or you're not special to someone,
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: or it just means that they're This is my take.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: And I could be wrong, you know how, I get
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: things wrong all the time. I could be wrong, but
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: I feel like there are a percentage of people who
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: feel like they're special just because they were born. Yeah,
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: and I don't know if you do the whole likelihood
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: of the egg meating the sperm and the probability and
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: the numbers, Well, yeah maybe. But I'm not being a
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: hard ass. I'm just saying, you know, in the sense
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: that I'm a human in a world with eight billion
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: other humans, I'm not special. In fact, I'm incredibly fucking
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: common because there's another eight billion of me. Now that
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean I can't do amazing or be amazing or
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: create great outcomes. It doesn't mean I can't be special
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: to people, and you can't be special to people. But
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: I think this kind of I'm special mindset actually fucks
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: up people.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: You know, you can have a special impact on people,
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: you can create special and spectacular outcomes, you can live
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: a special life. But that's not because you were born special.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: That's because you did the work. But that's because you
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: were brave. That's because you put on your big boy,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: big girl pants and you fucking rolled up your sleeves
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: and you had a crack. And now you're fucking doing
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: special shit. Now you're helping people, serving people, or building
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: a business, or building wealth, or creating an awesome health state,
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: you know. And I just think that while it's good
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: to have good self esteem, you know, thinking that you
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: are uniquely, fabulously special in an ocean of eight billion humans,
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: I don't actually think it's good for our drive, for
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: our motivation, for our long term outcomes. Now that's not
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not special, that's not self loathing. By the way,
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: You're not bad. But you know, you're just like me,
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: just a just another human doing life. And that's okay.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: And if I'm just another human doing life sounds hurtful,
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: Well it's literally true. Now that doesn't mean that you
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: can't have a beautiful life with beautiful people and do
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: amazing shit. But if we zoom out from the micro
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: of your existence and your day and your life and
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: your body and your situation, if we zoom out to humanity,
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: we zoom out to three hundred thousand years of evolution,
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: we zoom out to eight billion humans on the planet. Well,
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: fucking I'm a nobody. And by the way, when I die,
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: I'll be forgotten about in seven minutes. And that's cool,
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: because that's that's how how it works. You know, we
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: come we live for a while. And I know this
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: sounds what does it sound fatalistic? I don't mean that
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: because I think also maybe when we leave this mortal coil,
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: that's not the end. But that's another podcast. But I
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: just think that having this a sense of entitlement that
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: some people have and this I'm special. I don't create success.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: I deserve success. No, you don't. You go create it.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: And if you do the work, and if you try
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: hard enough for long enough, and you're brave enough, and
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: you invest in enough energy and you do the right things,
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: then you will create your own version of success. And
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: well done you, that's awesome. But I just think for me,
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: and I probably clumsily articulated this, so I apologize as
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: if it is clumsy and it seems insensitive. But I
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: would just want to sometimes say to some people that
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: I'm talking to, Hey, bro, I like you, but you're
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: not special. You're just to do it. It's just a
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: dude doing life. I'm a dude. I'm not special, You're
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: not special. Where the fuck do we all get this
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: idea that where you know? And then if we tell
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: people they're not, well, you're a prick. Oh you're harsh,
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: You're you're not you know, it's like, oh, you're hurting
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: people's mental health, am I Really? How about telling people
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: all the time they're special and then they get out
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: of the house with no resilience and no mental toughness
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: and no skills to deal with life, and life punches
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: them in the face a thousand fucking times because life
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: doesn't care how special or unspecial they are. This is
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: my motive. I want you to be strong and powerful
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: and resilient and capable so you can go and build
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: your best fucking life, not because you're innately special, but
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: because you use what you've got. Steps down, off soapbox.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: Let's do all right, what we'll do? Melissa? I was
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: going to do one more, but fuck it, it's the long
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: this podcast ever. Why don't you just I know we've
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: got a bunch ever, a bunch left, but what aren't you?
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: And some of these are familiar themes on this show,
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: but that's the point. Why don't you pick four more
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: that that resonate for you?
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 3: Ye?
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: And we'll I don't know what that's going to take
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: us up to, probably close to three hours or something ridiculous,
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: But anyway, what do you want to go.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 2: With the next one.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: In keeping with the fact that this is AFL Grand
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 3: Final week, we're going to we're going to keep going
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 3: with the list, and it's going to be be the
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 3: player and the coach.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, all right now I'm going to tell you,
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 1: and you don't know this, we'll actually bypass this one.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: It's not your fault. But I'll quickly explain this because
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: Tiff and I essentially did this and it's my bad.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: So what that means being the player and the coach.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: And there's an AFL analogy, as you are quite rightly
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: pointed out. This weekend's the Grand Final in Melbourne. So
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: it's like it's that river thing that we were talking
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: about before. Everybody, it's like your life's the river. It's
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: got its own energy, and when you're in the river,
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: you can't have a level of objectivity and perspective that
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: you can have when you're out of the river. And
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: this is analogous to being the player in the game.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: When you are always the player and you are always
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: in the middle of the game, sometimes you need to
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: be able to step away from the game, which is
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: why we have halftime. We have halftime in the game
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: and quarter time and three quarter times, so we can
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: see what's happening, we can stop, we can take stock
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: of what's working and what's not. And so, yeah, I
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: just won't replay that whole thing, Melissa, But that's you
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: want to know that. But yeah, that's a very similar
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: metaphor to the last one.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 3: Sure, Okay, next one then is get yourself an unreasonable friend.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, we've spoken about that. And for those who don't
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: know what that term means to me, it means, and
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: I teach an unreasonable friend is somebody that loves you,
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: cares about you, but won't always tell you what you
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: would like to hear. And they're coming from a place
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: of love and kindness and from a level of perspective
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: and objectivity that you can't have about you because you're you.
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: So that whole thing that you have in your head
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: about how objective you are and self aware you are, Yeah,
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: probably not as much as you think. And that's not bad.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: That's human. And so and this is really hard, by
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: the way, This is a hard thing. And people like
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: people always nod their head when I share this, share
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: about this in a seminar, They're like, oh, yeah, that's good.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: You know, because oh yeah, I love feedback. And as
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: I've said many times, yeah, we love feedback until it's
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: feedback we don't love. And so yeah, it's like, yeah,
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: give me all the feedback, but only the good feedback
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: does make it great. And by the way, if it's
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: not good feedback, fuck you, you're not my friend. It's like, well,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: that's what do you want? Well, I want praise. Oh okay,
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: so you don't want feedback. I want praise. Cool, Well,
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: let me know. I just want to back rub fucking
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: you know some streamers and shit like it's like, dude,
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: you're fucking things up. I love you. I don't want
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: you to fuck up. I don't have all the answers,
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: but I have a level of objectivity about you because
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: I'm external. I'm from the outside looking in, and so
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: with that in mind, I want to share with you
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: what I am seeing. I'm sharing with you what I
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: am seeing because I want to help you and I
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: want to give you insight to the thing that you
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: can't see. And so an unreasonable friend is somebody that
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: will tell you what you need to hear, or what
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: they believe you need to hear, despite the fact that
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: you might not always love hearing it. And I guess
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: a twice replayed example of this in the last week
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: is when and I said this to you last week listener. So,
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: but it's just a good example as when and She
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: wasn't a friend, but she was a listener who wrote
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: wrote in and said to me basically early days of
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: the year project, you know, love the show, love you
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: da da da da. Can you stop talking over the
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: top of people? It's very annoying. And when I went
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: back and I listened, I went, guess what I took
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: over the top of people. It's very fucking annoying. And
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: do I ever still do that? Yes? Do I do
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: it less? Yes? But it's like, well, you know, here's
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: the thing. It's very easy to react because we like
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: to think we're all about logic and reason and rationale
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: and the prefrontal cortex. We're intellects. No we're not. We're
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: fucking emotional Neanderthals. We're just fucking emotional Neanderthals who want
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: to tell you to get fucked when we hear something
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: that makes us uncomfortable, right, that whole kind of Oh yeah,
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: I'm bigger than this. No, No, we're not. We're often not.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: And that's the thing is you think you want feedback,
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: and I'm saying, actually, be open real feedback, and if
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: it's coming from a hater who's just shitcanning you, well
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: that ain't this, that's not what we're talking about. But
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: you don't need constant endorsement. You don't need constant and validation.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: You don't need a cheer squad, you don't need a
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: trophy every time you had a fucking salad. You're not
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: six years old, like you need somebody to give you
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: input that you can't give yourself.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 3: Do you have any kind of tips around that for
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 3: selecting an unreasonable friend? That sounds quite strategic. I don't
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 3: necessarily mean it that way, but I guess I'm thinking
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 3: that sometimes we need to decipher between someone who's giving
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: genuine feedback that could be quite constructive, and someone that
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: maybe could be in a way jealous of what.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: You're trying to achieve or need.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 3: Or like the goals in some way that you're trying
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 3: to aspire to may impact them in a sense, and
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 3: therefore they don't.
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 2: Like the idea of doing well you're doing what you're doing.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 3: Is there any kind of I guess tips around selecting
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 3: that unreasonable friend.
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: We'll call this Showisha Tips. So here tips. You're welcome.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: I was waiting for you to finish that so I
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: could get that out.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: I could just see.
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: I'm like, hurry up with your fucking monologue so I
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 1: can say my stupid joke. No, it is a good question. Like,
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: here's what I think. Truly, I think there are very
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: few people who can do this for you, Like I
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 1: wouldn't ask you yep, because you wouldn't tell me. You
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: will give me, but hang on what I will say
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: with you. Oh, actually that's not true. I think you
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: couldn't have told me. But I think these days you
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: are much closer to that. When I say to you, okay, honestly,
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: and sometimes I'll write a post for I'll write a
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 1: an Instagram post or whatever, and I'll share it with you,
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 1: and you know, I'll say, don't tell me if it's good,
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 1: if it's shit, and sometimes you'll say, yeah, it's not
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 1: my favorite, which if Melissa is like, that's fucking awful.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: Do not use that ever, right, But I know how
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: to speak fluent Melissa, and I think times though.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 3: It also depends how Sorry, I just interrupted Jean, But
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 3: I think it also depends how close I am to
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 3: it as well, Like sometimes we both lack that objectivity
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 3: because we're both.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: One hundred percent yeah, and I look and it look,
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: I mean always, And the human experience is that I'm
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: going to get stuff. Even if I'm giving you feedback
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: that I think is spot on, bang on, relevant, helpful.
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: I still could be wrong because I'm a fucking human.
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: But I think you know that knowing that the person
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: a genuinely wants the best for you, not yeah, you're right.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: I mean there are people that I mean, this is this,
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: maybe I should have made this appoint but that you know,
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 1: one of the most fascinating things I've learned about humans
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: and an inverted friends And there's no self pity in
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: this at all. I love my life and I've got
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: great friends. But is the amount of people who were
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: really bothered by my success that were close friends. I'm like, ah, oh,
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: And I've had other friends, close friends of mine who
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: are fucking killing it and crushing it and honestly like
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: so much further progressed and down the track and successful
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: and all the bits or you know, the wealth of this,
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: the brand and honestly, my one. I'm happy for them,
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: genuinely happy for them, and I'm kind of proud of them.
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: I'm kind of proud. I'm like, fuck, I knew you
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: when you were not this, and look at you. I mean,
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: I would be the biggest asshole in the world if
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about all of this, and then when someone
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: that I allegedly love actually did it right, and then
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: I was bothered, Well, you're just a fucking You're an
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: actor playing a role, pretending to be about helping people,
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: you know, But it's it is. It is tricky because
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: the people that love you, they probably overthink and undersay sometimes,
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: but also some of the people that love you can
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 1: be a pain in the ass. I'm sure there are
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 1: listeners right now going you haven't heard my mother fuckel.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 1: But you know, I think you've got to, like, there's
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: no three point checklist, but I think you intuitively know.
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: I think you intuitively know. Like there are people I
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: won't say who, but there are people that I think
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: about right now that for me, I'm pretty sure I
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: would get a relatively unemotional objective as they see it,
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 1: kind of feedback on things if I if I ask
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: them but also I think it is equally important for
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: that person to be able to say, hey, I think
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 1: you're going fucking great. Actually I didn't even think that
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: would work, but it's working. Go you. Yes, they're not
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: just there to go I don't do that. I don't
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: think that'll work. I don't think nah, they're also there
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 1: to go hey, but it's got to be real. I
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: really think you're crushing it. I'm not saying this to
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 1: make you feel good. I'm aware that it will, hopefully,
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 1: but it's not the reason, like, this is not a strategy.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: This is actually what I think. And when you can
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: tell people like do you know what's funny is I
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: reckon twenty times this year someone that I know, different
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: people that I know that are doing well, and I've
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: just looked at them and I've gone, shut the fuck
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: up for a minute, look at me, look at me,
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: and I go, I'm really proud of you, And I say,
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: I am not saying that to make you feel good,
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: and more men than women, yep, just because it happened
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 1: to be. Yes, I'm proud of you. I'm so fucking
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 1: proud of you. I couldn't be happier for you, and
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: I just fucking I love watching you grow. And half
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 1: of them because they know I mean it, and they
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: know there are not many other people that feel like
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: that about their success. Yes, you know you feel like
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: you've got to downplay your success sometimes.
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 2: Oh and particularly in Australian culture.
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 1: Like when my and I'm know Bill Gates or whatever.
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 1: But when my business started to work, you know, Harper's
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: and the Pting and all the oh my god, the
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: number of people that it bothered. I'm like, it bothered
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 1: more people than it made happy. Let's just say that. Yeah,
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: And I just knew I could tell, like, I'm like,
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: but this, it's not even about you, Like you don't
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: even do this, you don't even work in their space.
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: But fuck, it bothered people when the thing that a
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 1: lot of them said wouldn't work or couldn't work, or
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 1: there's no market or there's no scope, or the population
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: is not big enough for it's not a thing. It'll
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 1: come and go there. It's not even an industry, it's
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 1: not a profession. And I'm like, yep, I get all
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 1: of that, but I tell you what, I'll just see
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: what happens. And then when it worked, fuck, nobody came
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 1: out of the woodwork and said I was wrong. Well done.
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 1: That's fucking amazing, like nearly nobody, you know, And there's
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 1: no self pity. That's literally just my story. So I
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 1: think if you can have people that actually want you
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: to succeed, and I think even for you, I mean
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 1: you the listener, like I know for me, hand on heart,
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: when I truly want the best for people, fuck, it
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 1: makes me a better human. I'm happier, I'm nicer to
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: be around, I'm less of a cunt. I'm going to
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: say it. I'm going to say it out loud. It's
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: like but and I know I oversay this, and I
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: know it's cliche, and I know it's probably going to
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: have little to no impact. But when you really despite
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: all the logic and all the rationale and all the
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 1: strategy and all the fucking nuance and all the clever words,
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 1: but when you truly come from a place of love
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 1: with people like this is you know, I can't give
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: you everything you need, but I can love you in
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 1: this way. I can serve you, I can help you
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 1: in this way. And no, this isn't necessarily romantic love
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 1: or a cuddle or but this is love because this
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: is me wanting to help you without wanting anything back
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: from you. You know, I think that's transformational for both parties.
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 1: Have you got one more you want to do?
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 2: One? Final one we're going to go with.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: Have we told everyone that this is actually the last podcast?
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 1: We probably should have led with that. That's why it's
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: so long. We want you to be sick of us.
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: I will say, there won't be a podcast up tomorrow,
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 1: maybe for the next two days, but I'm going to
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 1: have a break, but this should keep you going for
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 1: a while.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, final one for today? Can you please elaborate on
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 2: words are a sales pitch?
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 1: I probably should have said more accurately. Words can be
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: a sales pitch. And as I've said a bunch of times,
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 1: if you want to know someone, well, pay attention to
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: some of what they say and all of what they do.
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 1: So I think that not all the time, of course,
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: but I think oftentimes with people what's coming out of
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: their mouth is a story or some kind of sales
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 1: pitch or some kind of attempt to build whatever, a
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: connection or a and it's not necessarily authentic. It's quite strategic.
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 1: And by the way, I don't think that's terrible. I
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: think we all do that to an extent, but including me,
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 1: including me, do I ever try to create a good impression,
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 1: of course, of course. But what I think really matters
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: if we really want to understand people is to pay
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 1: attention to what they do and how they live, and
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: you know, how they treat people when they don't think
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 1: they're being watched, and you know, all that kind of ah,
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 1: and not in a for me like people that I
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 1: might be going to do some work with or people
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: that i might be going to spend time with, or
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 1: I'm not obsessed with that, but I'm just interested in
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you a few. I'll tell you this is
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 1: a really classic. So there are people that I've quite
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: liked or I've thought pretty highly of them, and I
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: didn't know them well, but you know, and then I
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: met them for a coffee and then they treated the
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: weight staff like shit. Ye I'm like that's it. I'm like,
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: you're out. I can't do it. Like they just treated
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 1: them like they were not on the same level as
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: us to exemplary humans. And I thought, all right, I'll
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 1: give you one, and then if it happens again, and
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: then when it happens again, where they're either rude or
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 1: arrogant or dismissive to the human that's coming to the
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: table to serve them. I'm like, fuck you, bro, you're out.
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 1: I don't care what the deal is. I don't care
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 1: what the offer is. I don't want to work with you.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 1: And what's funny is the whole kind of monologue that
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 1: they're going on with for an hour, the whole sales pitch,
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: the whole kind of trying to create an impression. It's
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 1: all redundant because of something they had no awareness of. Yes,
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 1: so all the words just fucking slide down the drain
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 1: to me. Yeah, and I can't. I'm just trying to
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: from that moment when they treat people like shit, I'm like,
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 1: this is you, Yeah, this is you.
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 3: Do you know what I also found that really apparent
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 3: is when it comes to other team members or support
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 3: stuff like the way they treat the receptionist or the
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 3: PA or the somebody else in the team that may
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 3: not hold the position of the person that they're meeting with.
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 3: Everything from when they walk in the door and the
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 3: whole demeanor changes when the person that they're meeting with,
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 3: you know, when they're in front of them.
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah. For me, it's just like, Okay, seen it enough?
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, I mean, look, you don't want
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 1: to be too judge, right, yeah, but at the same time,
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: you do want to be aware because what people do
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: tells you a lot, what people do to you, how
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: people treat you or don't treat you, what people kind
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 1: of you know, their energy around you. And we don't
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 1: need to be obsessed. And by the way, have I
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 1: ever been rude or fucking insensitive? Of course, of course.
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 1: But I just think for us to be aware of
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: that ourselves and our own behavior and the way that
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 1: we treat people. It's like, am I nicer to people
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 1: for whom it's valuable for me to be nicer too? Yes,
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 1: that's a fucking good question. Yeah, because I don't want
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: to be that. I think I don't want to.
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 2: Be That a great question.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 3: And even back to what you were saying initially, So
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 3: words are a sales pitch, even my own words, like
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 3: am I believing them? Like obviously I spend one hundred
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 3: percent of my time with me, Like how much of
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 3: what's coming out of my mouth is a reflection of
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 3: me and what's actually going on?
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: Ye? Do I believe this or do I just say it?
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Does it sound good?
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, Hey everyone, we appreciate you, We love you.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 1: We are so happy that you've come on this journey
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 1: with us. We'll probably do another episode, so, you know,
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 1: hang around and for putting up with me and all
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 1: my bullshit, my terrible jokes, my vulgar language, you know,
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 1: my constant talk about shit and other bodily functions. But
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 1: there's a small percentage of you who think I'm fucking great.
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 1: What the fuck is wrong with you? But keep thinking
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: that I'm very needy and for the rest of you,
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know why you're still here, but also very
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 1: grateful and very appreciative. Probably stick around for Tiff and
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: maybe Melissa now. But yeah, thank you for helping us
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 1: over the journey. And I would really encourage you to
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 1: jump on our Facebook page and tell us that you
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 1: want Melissa to be a regular and by that, look, okay,
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 1: can we just negotiate. I know you don't want to
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 1: bit fuck it while I've got you held ransom here
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 1: while we're recording. How about one a month? Okay, one
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 1: a month, and by one I mean one a week.
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 1: Let's by one I mean three? All right? We'll talk
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: about it. Thanks Melissa, thank you everybody. Thanks everyone,