Latest / Be It Till You See It / 664. Comparison Is the Thief of Authenticity

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664. Comparison Is the Thief of Authenticity · Be It Till You See It

0:00
[SPEAKER_03]: what I know for a fact is when you choose authenticity, when you choose to show up real, relatable, and human, I know for all of fact you give others permission to do the same, and that is the foundation of human connection, and that's how you build real relationships.
0:18
[SPEAKER_03]: When I chose to go through my hair loss journey, take my hair off on social media and show everybody my basically bald friend of my head.
0:29
[SPEAKER_03]: In ways I never could have imagined, because it turns out people want authenticity they want humanity and it gives others permission to do the same with you, and that's how you create a real relationship.
0:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the Beat till you see it podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring.
0:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm also Logan, Ply's instructor and fitness business coach.
0:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
1:01
[SPEAKER_02]: My friends, action brings clarity.
1:05
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's the antidote to fear.
1:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Each week my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it.
1:17
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
1:24
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, be it babe.
1:25
[SPEAKER_02]: We're gonna talk about relationships, not like the romantic kind, but like relationships with ourself.
1:31
[SPEAKER_02]: You've heard many be at pods, be about, get to know yourself.
1:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And so we're gonna talk about that in a deep, wonderful, tangible way.
1:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I actually think it's really great for all of us.
1:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I have already have five things.
1:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, oh, I wanna review that.
1:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I like that.
1:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I like that.
1:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, that, I'm so glad I already do that.
1:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And now I know why I love it so much.
1:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So Barbets is our guest today.
1:51
[SPEAKER_02]: She's an author, speaker, and epic human.
1:54
[SPEAKER_02]: You're here all about her, and I'm a lot of tell you, because she's the best at it.
1:57
[SPEAKER_02]: So here's Barbets.
1:59
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, be a babe.
2:00
[SPEAKER_02]: This is gonna be fun because I've known this woman for a few years now and been following her journey and there's so many ways this conversation could go because you are the one of the most multi-faceted humans I do know, but you are an expert at several things.
2:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And I wanted to bring you on to just wow our people and being until you see it.
2:17
[SPEAKER_02]: So barbets.
2:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Tell everyone who you are and what you rock at.
2:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, lastly, Logan.
2:22
[SPEAKER_03]: It has been just so you know, four years.
2:24
[SPEAKER_03]: We've known each other.
2:25
[SPEAKER_03]: That's crazy.
2:26
[SPEAKER_03]: That's my story.
2:27
[SPEAKER_03]: That's that would be my best for the high school.
2:29
[SPEAKER_03]: I know.
2:30
[SPEAKER_03]: That's funny.
2:33
[SPEAKER_03]: We were both part of a community that we met each other in, and I met you probably at one of my first events.
2:37
[SPEAKER_03]: So it has to be four years.
2:38
[SPEAKER_03]: So.
2:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Anyways, my name is Marbetz.
2:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I am from Southern California.
2:42
[SPEAKER_03]: I am a recovering real state agent and broker who built a accidental speaking career while I was selling real state and that has transpired into me essentially stepping away from the industry.
2:54
[SPEAKER_03]: My husband now runs our sales team and I now get to pursue my passion of being a thought leader in the world of helping people build authentic, trust-based relationships with themselves and with others.
3:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Hmm, which is what the world needs because I can't tell you how many inauthentic relationship building like things are trying to come through my DMs.
3:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, yeah, I appreciate it.
3:18
[SPEAKER_02]: We're like, oh, I, I probably should talk.
3:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I think we have a lot in common.
3:21
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, no, yeah, I don't know who you are though.
3:24
[SPEAKER_02]: All right.
3:24
[SPEAKER_02]: This is scares me.
3:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't know how much you're scary me right now.
3:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Correct.
3:28
[SPEAKER_03]: You're not telling you how much I connect with that and how much it frustrates me and I always tell people just continue to be cold in the dams and all you're going to get for me is I remove connection or block.
3:38
[SPEAKER_03]: So if that's how you want our relationship to go, then try it because I'll work with me.
3:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I know, well, I used to tell people, and maybe we've talked about this before, but like, well, I mean, I'm still, I still tell people this, but when I first saw a business co-chain for applies instructors, I was like, your business is, with clients is like dating.
3:55
[SPEAKER_02]: You would freak out if a guy at a bar, and I'm sorry, this is going to be more heterosexual because that's the experience you have at a bar.
4:02
[SPEAKER_02]: a guide bar comes at you and tries to make out with you, but every time you come up people with come take my class by my package, you are trying to make out with a stranger at a bar.
4:11
[SPEAKER_02]: You have to, you have to tell me how my sweater looks nice.
4:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Flatter me a little bit.
4:16
[SPEAKER_02]: 100 percent.
4:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, we're kind of skipping ahead.
4:20
[SPEAKER_02]: So, how?
4:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, you act.
4:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I love your covering real estate broker.
4:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think we've ever had one of those before.
4:26
[SPEAKER_02]: But how did you get into this?
4:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, what was the journey?
4:29
[SPEAKER_02]: How did you discover that you were a thought leader here?
4:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it's not like, I mean, maybe you've always known you were.
4:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we were born that way.
4:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And like someone goes barbat.
4:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you are the thought leader on this?
4:39
[SPEAKER_03]: What's crazy about this is so when I was like as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a teacher, I would play school in my room and my favorite place to go to get prizes or rewards was teacher supply store.
4:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god, I do love to play.
4:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, that is the best store.
4:58
[SPEAKER_03]: So I would get great books and seating charts and I would put the mean people with the mean people because I didn't like them and I'd give them bad grades and I'd give the lessons of the world that I loved.
5:08
[SPEAKER_03]: I'd give them the good grades and I would line up on my couch patch kid dolls and I would teach them school.
5:13
[SPEAKER_03]: So I've always had the heart of a teacher.
5:15
[SPEAKER_03]: Frankly, I wanted to be a teacher my whole life.
5:17
[SPEAKER_03]: I would have been a hundred percent a teacher.
5:20
[SPEAKER_03]: I'd probably be a principal right now.
5:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
5:22
[SPEAKER_03]: If it wasn't for the fact that I had pregnant at 17 years old, I talked about it very openly that that derailed my college opportunities and back then in the late 90s, there was no zoom.
5:32
[SPEAKER_03]: There was no online classes.
5:34
[SPEAKER_03]: There wasn't any of that.
5:35
[SPEAKER_03]: And so how I ended up in real estate's a story that it would be boring to tell, ended up in real estate, got good at it, was doing everything by relationship.
5:45
[SPEAKER_03]: And about 2011, I was in an office where everyone was taking note that my husband and I weren't doing door knocking and buspensions and grocery carts and all the other things that realtors are taught to do.
5:56
[SPEAKER_03]: And so they were like, hey, can you teach us what you're doing?
5:58
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, sure, who I did a class.
6:01
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'll never forget a woman in her 70s came up to me.
6:04
[SPEAKER_03]: She looked me dead in the eye, kind of rudely, said, you should never go in a listing appointment another day in your life.
6:12
[SPEAKER_03]: You should do this for the rest of your life.
6:14
[SPEAKER_03]: And I didn't think much of it then, but it has stuck in the back of my head.
6:18
[SPEAKER_03]: And so from there, Leslie, it just snowballed.
6:19
[SPEAKER_03]: I just kept doing more classes and more classes that led to stages, that led to bigger stages.
6:24
[SPEAKER_03]: And that led to me truly not believing but understanding and feeling to itch in the need that I do have thoughts, I do have ideas that can help people.
6:33
[SPEAKER_03]: I have a gift on stage, which not everybody does, and I need to pour into that lean into that and move into this new next chapter of my life.
6:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Wow.
6:43
[SPEAKER_02]: First of all, thank you for taking us on the journey of how it went when that was, because I think some people would go, oh look at Barbets, it happened in like three, the four years that they've known each other.
6:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, like the year before they met, she figured this out, she talked a couple things and now she's a paid speaker.
6:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Like everything starts back with, and I have a similar story with somebody told me, like they asked me a question, how are you doing what you're doing?
7:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Cause whatever you're doing is different, than the norm is doing.
7:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And you all, like for me, I love that your reaction's like kind of really, I remember thinking I was in trouble.
7:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it was clearly an insight to the psychology of an all the stuff, but like I thought I was in trouble like like they're like the way they asked how were you doing this did not seem like they were excited about what I was going to sit there for a second realized, oh, they actually just want to know I'm not exactly curious.
7:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, they're not they're not putting you down.
7:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, so then so and I and I say I highlight that because for everyone listening like
7:38
[SPEAKER_02]: There are things that you are so good at, but because it's normal for you, you don't see it as the strength right away.
7:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Someone has to tell you and sometimes we're not listening to them or we think we're in trouble.
7:49
[SPEAKER_02]: We're avoiding that information because it's scary.
7:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It would be like, I don't know, like, owning that means changing what how you do what you do.
7:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it's like, I'm going to I'm going to go in this lane now.
7:59
[SPEAKER_02]: That would be really scary.
8:00
[SPEAKER_03]: It was really scary and frankly how it all happened.
8:04
[SPEAKER_03]: It was about four years ago when we met is when I made the decision that my husband and I have ran this great real estate company for so long, but real estate's getting real scary.
8:13
[SPEAKER_03]: And if you don't know anything about real estate, we just went through these huge lawsuits and all this other stuff.
8:17
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was kind of at the table for a lot of those conversations and I knew how bad things really were.
8:21
[SPEAKER_03]: And I knew how much our industry was going to change.
8:23
[SPEAKER_03]: And I kind of thought to myself two things.
8:25
[SPEAKER_03]: One,
8:25
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not fulfilled anymore, just I hate to say just going on with seeing appointments working with buyers.
8:30
[SPEAKER_03]: It just doesn't fulfill me the same way it used to.
8:32
[SPEAKER_03]: And in the second piece to that was I am concerned that all of our income is in one basket.
8:38
[SPEAKER_03]: And if the bottom falls out of the real estate industry again, then we're screwed.
8:43
[SPEAKER_03]: And so how do I diversify my income and follow my passion and what was scary because I was and then what were my clients going to think and was my husband still going to have enough business and I was the one that started our real sick, you know, I was 23 years, he's 19, but I was the face of the company, the face of the team so like,
9:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Will he still generate enough business without me helping him all those things were super scary.
9:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, it turns out fast forward.
9:08
[SPEAKER_03]: He's a better realtor than I ever was and although he is completely different than me.
9:13
[SPEAKER_03]: He still gets the same thing.
9:15
[SPEAKER_03]: A complex.
9:16
[SPEAKER_03]: So it all worked out and I'm doing what I love and he's crushing, you know, his side of the world and I still help in the role statelessness.
9:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I still run our team and train and teach and all that kind of stuff.
9:26
[SPEAKER_03]: But my day to day full-time role is putting good thoughts and ideas out into the world and inspiring others from stage.
9:32
[SPEAKER_02]: So let's talk about those good thoughts and ideas because
9:35
[SPEAKER_02]: and we kind of alluded to it at the very beginning where we're talking about these DMs.
9:38
[SPEAKER_02]: You talk about authentic relationships and at the time we're recording this, you guys, which is a little bit before this comes out.
9:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I ran, I was at a real estate event.
9:50
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not a real estate event.
9:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It was a Ticula tasting event, which like, hello, I'm Ticula, I'm in.
9:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I have, like, I want to be a Ticula Somalia, that is my next dream.
9:59
[SPEAKER_02]: If I disappear from this earth, I'm probably learning Ticula, you guys.
10:03
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm at this to heal event, and it's basically the way that he builds relationships, friendships, connects with people, and that's, he's like, I don't do any of the things.
10:11
[SPEAKER_02]: This is how I do it.
10:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I had no idea what he does.
10:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Actually, I like until the day.
10:14
[SPEAKER_02]: But at any rate, I ran into a friend who I've known since like 15 years ago.
10:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And I like, she and I both moved to Vegas didn't know it because like where we used to cross paths had changed.
10:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So I got to have like a sit down coffee date with her.
10:28
[SPEAKER_02]: We're talking about how hard it is as an adult.
10:32
[SPEAKER_02]: to build good friendships, great friendships, and I don't have children.
10:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So I don't even have the excuse of running into parents.
10:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I may or may not like like I have to just like look around a coffee shop.
10:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Is that a future person for me, but in everyone who's listening here, most every business requires good authentic relationships.
10:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Most hobbies, most like fulfillment in life, doesn't matter.
10:54
[SPEAKER_02]: So we can go business or personal, but like everything kind of I think plays into the same thing.
10:59
[SPEAKER_02]: The authentic relationships are what make this world go around.
11:01
[SPEAKER_02]: How do we do that?
11:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, great, great question.
11:05
[SPEAKER_03]: So, you know, one of my biggest choices in life is to have a real relationship with anyone else.
11:11
[SPEAKER_03]: You first have to have a relationship with yourself.
11:13
[SPEAKER_03]: I think the biggest problem we have in life is we're trying to build a relationship with others and we don't even know who we are.
11:19
[SPEAKER_03]: And so when we show up to these relationships, when we show up to these conversations, we're being fake and we're trying to people please and we're trying to make the other person like us by not being who we really are.
11:29
[SPEAKER_03]: And when that happens, they're building a relationship with an inauthentic version of you.
11:34
[SPEAKER_03]: I like to say something to the effect of relationships are a mirror of yourself.
11:40
[SPEAKER_03]: You are only capable of building a relationship with someone else to the capacity you have on with yourself.
11:45
[SPEAKER_03]: So like what you see in you is what you will attract in others.
11:48
[SPEAKER_03]: And until we clean up the relationship with ourselves, we can't build one with anybody else.
11:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, Barb.
11:56
[SPEAKER_03]: The truth.
11:57
[SPEAKER_03]: I learned it the hard way.
11:58
[SPEAKER_03]: And then when I talk about this, I also stand on stage and tell people that this version that you are seeing up here right now.
12:03
[SPEAKER_03]: I was not this version five years ago.
12:06
[SPEAKER_03]: And so this is not something that I'm telling you everyone knows when they're 25 years old, absolutely not.
12:12
[SPEAKER_03]: But can 25 year olds learn it a lot sooner than potentially you and I have absolutely.
12:16
[SPEAKER_03]: I think something is we have to have the courage to do it.
12:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, because I do think, I appreciate you saying that, like, I think the older we get, the harder it is to kind of unpack the different masks we might have been wearing.
12:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Some of us wearing because maybe...
12:31
[SPEAKER_02]: we have a neurodivergence and so we think we need to have those masks.
12:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Some of them we are learned because of how we're grown up.
12:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And so then you have to unpack that and also recognize how long you've been carrying it and then you have to get to know yourself.
12:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's so hard.
12:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Every time I hear like getting to know yourself, I think I've run away bright.
12:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I really rock.
12:47
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just trying to figure out how she likes her.
12:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I think that's the perfect example.
12:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I don't know.
12:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Do I like?
12:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, this is the so I always tell people, I have like a big beef with the word authenticity and yet that's what I speak on.
12:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I have a beef with this word because it's the most overused underexplained word ever.
13:03
[SPEAKER_03]: It was Mary and Webster's word of the year in 2023, yet everyone has a different definition of it.
13:08
[SPEAKER_03]: The problem with the word authenticity is people think authenticity means throwing up your life on somebody, and I always say that's called oversharing.
13:15
[SPEAKER_03]: That is not authenticity.
13:17
[SPEAKER_03]: So one of the things you you set it in a different container a second ago is I'm so tired of this mantra of people telling people and in self help books and on Instagram posts and everywhere else just be yourself just be authentic and my question to audiences is do you even know what that means.
13:35
[SPEAKER_03]: do you even know what it means to be yourself?
13:37
[SPEAKER_03]: And the problem I have with the word b is b is very performative.
13:43
[SPEAKER_03]: What do you want to be for Halloween?
13:45
[SPEAKER_03]: What do you want to be when you grow up?
13:46
[SPEAKER_03]: It's futuristic.
13:48
[SPEAKER_03]: It's performative.
13:48
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not real.
13:49
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not in real time.
13:50
[SPEAKER_03]: And so
13:52
[SPEAKER_03]: What I teach audiences is what help me tremendously is reframing this conversation around authenticity and giving it not necessarily a new definition, but a new action to get there.
14:03
[SPEAKER_03]: And so what I've come up with, what I've used, what I've seen in my own life, is that authenticity isn't about doing anything.
14:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Authenticity is about undoing everything that isn't you.
14:15
[SPEAKER_03]: You said it, right, layers of performance layers of protection and masks we've been wearing the perfect mom title, the perfect friend title, the perfect Pilates instructor title, all of these titles and things that we've been told we have to be so we try to be them, but we're really not them or we're not them in the way that someone else wants us to be so how do we start undoing these things that have been holding us back and for me personally.
14:43
[SPEAKER_03]: it to you set it.
14:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Mine started on the playground and I was a little girl.
14:47
[SPEAKER_03]: I was overweight.
14:48
[SPEAKER_03]: I was not cute.
14:50
[SPEAKER_03]: I had cook-bottle thick glasses.
14:52
[SPEAKER_03]: I had braces.
14:53
[SPEAKER_03]: I had like five strikes in the you're the left-out weird kid department.
14:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I think Broadway and we would have been friends.
15:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I was lonely.
15:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I was sat by myself eight lunch by myself more times than I can count.
15:05
[SPEAKER_03]: I was also in a child so I didn't go home to a bunch of, you know, siblings running around.
15:10
[SPEAKER_03]: And so
15:12
[SPEAKER_03]: What I always tell people is I became a professional on the playground of fitting in.
15:17
[SPEAKER_03]: I think I'm a professional at turning myself into whatever someone else wanted me to be to be their friend.
15:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
15:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Problem with that is that eight year old little girl never put those masks down.
15:31
[SPEAKER_03]: I can't be wearing on my whole adult life.
15:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and that's the problem.
15:34
[SPEAKER_03]: We, we don't have enough courage or self reflection to sit back and go, you know, is this really how I want to show up in the world?
15:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Because you know what it is deep down inside.
15:45
[SPEAKER_03]: Everybody does.
15:46
[SPEAKER_03]: And if someone has to tell you what it is, that's not authenticity.
15:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Is that what else is opinion, right?
15:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
15:52
[SPEAKER_03]: So.
15:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I had perm bangs, just the bangs are all.
15:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Just the bangs and I will say, like, I love that I wore a fire girl dress to school one day, but also I'm sure that's the day that people were like, well, that's.
16:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you guys a big it's I went to school in the 80s.
16:15
[SPEAKER_02]: So this had been 88 89 a pink like pink big dress with the big Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and I know I looked good and I had tennis as punky Brewster preferred existed, but for sure
16:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, for sure.
16:32
[SPEAKER_02]: So I know that's what change.
16:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And now that's why we're, you know, tool now.
16:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, my gosh.
16:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
16:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I love it.
16:41
[SPEAKER_03]: I put a picture up on the screen of me.
16:44
[SPEAKER_03]: And I always give the audience a second to realize that is me circa 1986.
16:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Because they're literally looking at the picture and looking at me like there's no chance that first.
16:52
[SPEAKER_03]: Because some people are like, oh, your childhood wasn't that bad.
16:55
[SPEAKER_03]: You weren't, and then they say picture and they're like,
16:58
[SPEAKER_03]: My friends, when I show them the picture, I'll just pull it out of dinner and they pee their pants.
17:03
[SPEAKER_03]: And friends that have been friends of mine for 20 years and they're like, no chance, that's you.
17:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, it is.
17:10
[SPEAKER_02]: So I want to, so, okay, we have to do the undoing.
17:13
[SPEAKER_02]: We have to, you know, really truly find what authenticity is within ourselves.
17:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And I, and I do, I, I, with you, by the way, okay, side note, there was a podcast that did the war on dictionaries.
17:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you, it's, you're wrong about podcasts.
17:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You guys, it came out last year.
17:27
[SPEAKER_02]: to listen to it because it's about why Mary and Webster became the dictionary that we all bought.
17:33
[SPEAKER_02]: It's so fascinating.
17:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, who knew that could be fascinating?
17:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Just whole book about it.
17:38
[SPEAKER_02]: At any rate, because I feel like authenticity is like an umbrella term for like vulnerability and all these different things.
17:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So you hit all that.
17:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So okay, Anne, you mentioned that our relationships are a mirror of ourselves.
17:48
[SPEAKER_02]: So they can only go as deep as we can go as deep with ourselves.
17:55
[SPEAKER_02]: And making relationship does that make it easier to make new friendships is that make it hard to let go because now I feel like you have to let go of other relationships.
18:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, and that relationship expert should we deletting go of people?
18:04
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, if they if they truly don't fit who you really are right if you truly are not being yourself with them and then when you are yourself with them if you're not accepted not
18:22
[SPEAKER_03]: And it turns out that they're really not.
18:24
[SPEAKER_03]: And they don't love me for who I really am for my voice or my opinion.
18:28
[SPEAKER_03]: So I share it in a simple formula.
18:30
[SPEAKER_03]: We don't have to get deep into each one of them, but I'll just give you the high level of the three things.
18:34
[SPEAKER_03]: There's lots of things you can do to start unraveling.
18:37
[SPEAKER_03]: But the three things that like change my life, the most that I feel like are the three that most specifically women deal with, men too, but really women.
18:45
[SPEAKER_03]: The first is to stop hiding, right?
18:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I always say when you hide who you are, you limit who you can become.
18:51
[SPEAKER_03]: And I have a whole hair loss journey that you know very well.
18:53
[SPEAKER_03]: I work with wigs full time.
18:55
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's really what transformed my life.
18:57
[SPEAKER_03]: As when I was going through this hair loss journey and about five years ago, I decided to rip the bandate off.
19:02
[SPEAKER_03]: I was told my hair was never coming back by a very well-respected hair surgeon.
19:06
[SPEAKER_03]: And I decided to transition to human hair wigs came out publicly on social media about it, changed my life.
19:12
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's how I know when you stop hiding behind who you really are, right?
19:17
[SPEAKER_03]: You can become who you're really designed to be.
19:20
[SPEAKER_03]: The second piece that I always talk about is we have to reframe comparison.
19:24
[SPEAKER_03]: I think comparison is the thief of authenticity and I think it's the number one trap is adults we get into.
19:29
[SPEAKER_03]: social media at your job, in your career, right, some other Pilates owners doing better than me.
19:36
[SPEAKER_03]: I hate them.
19:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Why can't I be like them?
19:39
[SPEAKER_03]: All of the things.
19:39
[SPEAKER_03]: So when I say reframe comparison, what I mean is instead of comparing yourself to someone else instead come from curiosity.
19:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, they are showing you the path to success.
19:50
[SPEAKER_03]: They're showing you that you can do it.
19:52
[SPEAKER_03]: You just have to do it in your own way and give me it up.
19:55
[SPEAKER_03]: What are they doing?
19:56
[SPEAKER_03]: What's their background?
19:57
[SPEAKER_03]: What season of life are they in?
19:59
[SPEAKER_03]: Maybe you're not in that same season.
20:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Like you just said, you don't have kids.
20:02
[SPEAKER_03]: You can get the van and travel the world.
20:05
[SPEAKER_03]: You're in the weather.
20:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Pilates owner or you know instructor is comparing themselves to you and Brad's ability to do that but they have three children at home guess what you're running a race.
20:17
[SPEAKER_03]: You can't win.
20:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
20:19
[SPEAKER_03]: But we still do it.
20:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
20:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, they've got it all together.
20:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, they made the perfect lunch or they did this or they, you know, whatever their top producer and I'm not.
20:27
[SPEAKER_03]: So reframe comparison with curiosity and then.
20:30
[SPEAKER_03]: third and people always think I'm crazy when I say it until I unpack it is we have to embrace self-doubt, right?
20:37
[SPEAKER_03]: We look at self-doubt in a posture syndrome as this negative feeling and it's not.
20:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Self-doubt, I believe, is the space where your confidence is actually born, right?
20:46
[SPEAKER_03]: If you don't have some kind of doubt, you're not going anywhere.
20:50
[SPEAKER_03]: We all have it and if you tell me you don't have doubt,
20:53
[SPEAKER_03]: I would argue that you're not being authentic, right?
20:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
20:55
[SPEAKER_03]: In foster syndrome, right?
20:57
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm so tired of in foster syndrome being put in this container as you're a fraud or you're a fake.
21:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
21:04
[SPEAKER_03]: foster syndrome is simply a sign you're growing.
21:07
[SPEAKER_03]: You're stepping into some new version of you, right?
21:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
21:11
[SPEAKER_03]: We have to look at these as green lights, not stop sign.
21:14
[SPEAKER_03]: And we have to push through them because that is how you build confidence from the inside.
21:18
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not given to you.
21:20
[SPEAKER_03]: It's truly built by you stepping into these new containers that you need to be, and new rooms you need to be a new opportunity is new everything.
21:28
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I think those are the three biggest things that I help people with is really breaking through those.
21:33
[SPEAKER_03]: And when you do those, when you stop hiding, you're breaking down your walls, right?
21:37
[SPEAKER_03]: When you learn to turn comparison into something positive, you rewire your brain.
21:42
[SPEAKER_03]: You're looking at it as like envy and as success, and I can do that.
21:46
[SPEAKER_03]: And then when you embrace self-doubt, right, you're taking some of that's completely normal.
21:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and you're stepping through it, which is how you, how you, I believe, break through the walls.
21:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I couldn't agree more with all that.
21:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I actually, like, the one is when I think I love that palizes in my life as long as it is, no matter what facet it's become, it's because it's a way that I'm allowed to be curious in my body, right?
22:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Like,
22:07
[SPEAKER_02]: like why is this exercise so hard today?
22:09
[SPEAKER_02]: It was an hard yesterday like it's a way to practice curiosity, which is something that like for better for worse the way the education system was when I was growing up you're not curious you memorize and you get the answer right or you get it wrong.
22:20
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's taken as an adult this way of practicing being curious because that's not it's natural for me.
22:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to highlight the self-doubt thing, because I think that is so good, because I would be like, with this imposter syndrome, I remember Seth Goden going, yeah, well, if you're new at something, of course, you're going to feel that, because you're new.
22:36
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, to me, I just tell people, congratulations, you're not an narcissist.
22:39
[SPEAKER_02]: An narcissist, you never feel that way.
22:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And the way that you just said it, it's so funny, because I didn't realize I have a process.
22:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I will come with an idea.
22:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I will then have self-doubt.
22:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I have to go through that so that I can go, well, what am I doubting about it?
22:54
[SPEAKER_02]: How do I either get rid of that or learn the thing I need to learn or research the thing I need to do, whatever.
23:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I've got this project that I'm working on.
23:03
[SPEAKER_02]: this year.
23:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And of course, as soon as I set out, I want to do it.
23:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, it was like, who might to do this?
23:09
[SPEAKER_02]: What?
23:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, like, well, how would I solve that problem?
23:11
[SPEAKER_02]: How is that problem?
23:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And in going through the self doubt questions, I can figure out the things and now I have even more confidence and the thing that I'm doing because I went through the things that I was doubting and explored what that was.
23:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that your positive reframe, I think every single person if they can go, oh, I feel like that's a load off of your shoulders right now.
23:30
[SPEAKER_03]: I feel free.
23:32
[SPEAKER_03]: It is.
23:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, you said it, right?
23:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
23:34
[SPEAKER_03]: So when you feel the doubt and you truly don't know how to do something or don't know, then you get help, sure up your weaknesses, pulling people around you or truly understand you have been in you have been gifted this opportunity, you've been invited into this room, whatever it may be, because someone else or the universe, God, whoever sees something in you that you can't see in yourself yet.
23:55
[SPEAKER_03]: But if you don't embrace that and you hold yourself back,
23:58
[SPEAKER_03]: You're not going to go anywhere in life.
24:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Right?
24:01
[SPEAKER_03]: You tell me you show me any successful person that you put on a pedestal that you think has never doubted themselves the the differences.
24:10
[SPEAKER_03]: They know their imperfect.
24:13
[SPEAKER_03]: They know they're gonna make mistakes and they choose to show up anyways.
24:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Right?
24:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Think about Gary Vee.
24:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Everyone worships Gary Vee.
24:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Gary Vee's amazing, right?
24:20
[SPEAKER_03]: He's up on this world level that so many of us were like, oh my God, start it out selling wine on the internet on YouTube.
24:27
[SPEAKER_03]: You think anybody was doing?
24:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely not, right?
24:30
[SPEAKER_03]: You think you was comfortable in video?
24:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Well back in watch of, he was not, right?
24:34
[SPEAKER_03]: He did it anyways.
24:35
[SPEAKER_03]: And he was okay, was showing up clearly.
24:38
[SPEAKER_03]: He's very authentic and does whatever he wants to do.
24:41
[SPEAKER_03]: But people love him for it.
24:43
[SPEAKER_03]: So when you mentioned earlier like this whole like leaving people behind and what do we do and does it change who we are?
24:50
[SPEAKER_03]: It absolutely does.
24:52
[SPEAKER_03]: It 100% does.
24:53
[SPEAKER_03]: But what I know for a fact.
24:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Because when you choose authenticity, when you choose to show up real, relatable and human, I know for a fact, you give others permission to do the same.
25:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, and that is the foundation of human connection and that's how you build real relationships when I chose to go through my hair loss journey, take my hair off on social media and show everybody my basically bald friend of my head, I.
25:21
[SPEAKER_03]: up-leveled my relationships big time.
25:25
[SPEAKER_03]: In ways I never could have imagined.
25:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Because it turns out, people want authenticity.
25:30
[SPEAKER_03]: They want humanity, and it gives others permission to do the same with you.
25:34
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's how you create a real relationship.
25:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
25:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I got chills.
25:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that's so interesting and that we fear losing people by changing who we are because we're coming more of ourselves.
25:46
[SPEAKER_02]: We're truly not just leveling up
25:52
[SPEAKER_02]: It's obviously leveling up ourselves, right?
25:54
[SPEAKER_02]: We're like owning all the things about ourselves, owning our imperfections, owning our desires, all that, and other people will level up, they'll be like, oh my gosh, like they're being pulled with you.
26:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And that requires, and then some people won't.
26:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes those people just fall off, you don't even notice it.
26:09
[SPEAKER_02]: And they'll be like, oh my god, I haven't taught the person any year, and that is a sign.
26:12
[SPEAKER_02]: It is a sign.
26:14
[SPEAKER_02]: They let themselves go.
26:15
[SPEAKER_02]: They let themselves off the line.
26:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
26:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, and I also always want to make sure that I give this footnote, because what I don't want people to think is, you know, there's a filter that you have to put yourself through.
26:28
[SPEAKER_03]: And I hate using the word filter, but it's the best way for people to understand, right?
26:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Because authenticity without this filter can be arrogance, can be a turn-off.
26:42
[SPEAKER_03]: There's different rooms you're in, there's different relationships you have where you bring your authenticity to the table.
26:47
[SPEAKER_03]: And you can't bring your whole self everywhere you go.
26:51
[SPEAKER_03]: If you bring your whole self everywhere you go to a board room, versus maybe how maybe you have a funny personality and your jokes stir.
26:59
[SPEAKER_03]: That may be okay at home or around the dinner table with your friends, but it may not be appropriate in the boardroom with the senior vice president of your company may not be into your jokes that day, right?
27:09
[SPEAKER_03]: So what I always say is authenticity with an emotional intelligence lens being aware of who's around you, what environment are you in, what's appropriate, what's not.
27:29
[SPEAKER_03]: everyone has one.
27:31
[SPEAKER_03]: It may not be appropriate to talk about that with a new client, right?
27:35
[SPEAKER_03]: It doesn't mean I'm being inauthentic.
27:37
[SPEAKER_03]: It just means I'm choosing not to share that part of me with somebody.
27:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And so what I always say is the parts of you that you do bring have to be authentic.
27:48
[SPEAKER_03]: So like you don't have to bring your whole self everywhere you go.
27:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
27:53
[SPEAKER_03]: The parts of you that are showing up have to be
27:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I love so much because like with the ADHD brain that I have, if I were to bring my whole self to every meaning, people would not be able to follow along.
28:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
28:09
[SPEAKER_03]: 100% like I hear what you're authentic, you just said I have ADHD, that's being authentic.
28:15
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
28:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so I, and like I think like it's having that for, okay, so in this space, this is how I can at least so, okay, I was right there was all the ADHD that you just experienced because my brain went to three places being able to say, okay, I'm aware that I'm going to be going into.
28:32
[SPEAKER_02]: a different direction where this conversation is going, I promise it's going to circle back because I bring it's going to get us there.
28:36
[SPEAKER_02]: But yeah, I have to know that.
28:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And if I, if I mask that, then probably the best ideas are going to come from me because that's what I'm good at.
28:44
[SPEAKER_02]: But also, I'm not going to share the four other thoughts that happened over.
28:49
[SPEAKER_03]: That's right.
28:50
[UNKNOWN]: Time.
28:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Correct.
28:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
28:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
28:52
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what it is.
28:54
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, some people have quirks.
28:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Some people have things about them that are, you know, appropriate for again, your friends at the bar, but they're not appropriate for the board room or for the sales caller for the Pilates class while you're teaching or you know things like that.
29:07
[SPEAKER_03]: So I think it's just understanding that what can't happen is you masking and pretending to be somebody or something or not.
29:14
[SPEAKER_03]: that people can smell and sniff out right away.
29:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, they can, and I, and to go back to like this whole thing, like it doesn't matter what the relations are for, whether it's because you want a partner or you want a best friend or you want a dog walking buddy or you want, you know, to get a sale out of someone.
29:33
[SPEAKER_02]: You have to bring the authentic parts of yourself to that experience.
29:38
[SPEAKER_02]: so that they can also make the correct decision as well.
29:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, because you don't want people that want to be friends with the not real you because then that's why your relationship never goes deep.
29:52
[SPEAKER_03]: That's why you never feel connected.
29:54
[SPEAKER_03]: That's why you never feel excited about seeing them.
29:57
[SPEAKER_03]: All of those should be clues that either you're not showing up real or they're not the real
30:05
[SPEAKER_03]: is going to be your friend.
30:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Not everybody is going to have a relationship with you and that is okay.
30:11
[SPEAKER_03]: I promise you the real people that you are meant to be surrounded with will come out of the woodwork when you embody this, you know, authentic way of showing up in life.
30:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
30:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my gosh.
30:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm glad you highlighted.
30:23
[SPEAKER_02]: It's okay.
30:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it's okay.
30:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I grew up thinking like everyone needed to like me.
30:28
[SPEAKER_02]: No, right, like how many people are like not in their head like group that ever needed to like me and the reality is is like I that's not true and also doesn't set you up for being able to be yourself in every room.
30:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And there's I saw something that that I've quoted a many times And so just so you know if you've ever heard me say I don't I was hot on a shirt or like a bag you could take the grocery It's like it's said not it's not everyone like me.
30:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not a taco
30:55
[SPEAKER_03]: And like because there's all, there's a taco for everybody, and I'm just, but I'm not going to be everyone's taco 100% 100% well, and you know, and it's also, you know, again, we don't have to go down this rabbit hole, but we were talking about it earlier about how do you build relationships with others and so you have to show authentic and real, but then I also believe there's three factors to every relationship, so this might, because I know we wanted to talk about obviously the relationship with our self, but how do we build these relationships with others?
31:21
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I'll share that that I created a formulae wrote about it in my new book that there's three things that have to be present always in order to have a real relationship and these are the things I think people miss and I don't care if this is sales, leadership, friendship, family, romantic, I don't care what it is they have to have these three things.
31:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And I call it the VVR formula, and it's visibility, vulnerability, and relatability.
31:46
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't have those three things.
31:47
[SPEAKER_03]: You can't have a relationship, and it works with yourself too.
31:50
[SPEAKER_03]: So talk about visibility, right?
31:51
[SPEAKER_03]: You have to be present.
31:52
[SPEAKER_03]: You have to show up.
31:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, people are like, I don't have relationships I want.
31:55
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't have friends.
31:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, are you actually visible?
31:58
[SPEAKER_03]: Are you showing up?
31:59
[SPEAKER_03]: Are you present?
31:59
[SPEAKER_03]: And then when you are present, are you really present?
32:02
[SPEAKER_03]: Or are you on your phone, right?
32:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, are you at the cocktail party networking and trying to meet people?
32:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Or are you in your phone in the corner, right?
32:10
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
32:11
[SPEAKER_03]: You have to have some level of vulnerability with every other human in your life or you don't have a relationship.
32:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Right, and vulnerability can be everything from just telling your team, you know, I don't go the answer to that, right?
32:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Or it can be, I don't like the new software either that they're asking us to use, but guess what?
32:26
[SPEAKER_03]: It's what we've been handed and we have to learn it, right?
32:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Then there's all the way level of vulnerability where you're sharing your deepest darkest secrets with your best friends.
32:33
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not sick.
32:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Because when people hear vulnerability, they think I don't want to be vulnerable.
32:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, you have to have some level of it or you can't have a human relationship.
32:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And then the third is relatability, right?
32:42
[SPEAKER_03]: You have to have some point of connection.
32:44
[SPEAKER_03]: And this is the thing I think people force.
32:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I think people force this right if you do not have something that you can relate to each other on whether it be a favorite sports team or you both love bodies or you both love wine or to kill a or you both love a certain sport or you both have kids.
33:01
[SPEAKER_03]: You have to have some kind of relatability with another human.
33:04
[SPEAKER_03]: It's why when you go to networking events and cocktail parties and everything else, and you know you and I have been in these rooms where someone wants to be new to their contact information, and you're like, nope, not saving that in my phone.
33:14
[SPEAKER_03]: That would pretend I saved it, but not saving it.
33:15
[SPEAKER_03]: It's because you had nothing in common when you had your conversation.
33:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
33:18
[SPEAKER_03]: You did.
33:18
[SPEAKER_03]: You would have wanted to save that information and create a relationship.
33:21
[SPEAKER_03]: So we were talking about building relationships with others.
33:24
[SPEAKER_03]: I just want everyone to know that I believe if you focus on those three things.
33:28
[SPEAKER_03]: How can I be more visible?
33:29
[SPEAKER_03]: How can I be vulnerable and how can I be relatable?
33:32
[SPEAKER_03]: You will create more relationships than you know what to do with it.
33:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Can't you walk them if you want them?
33:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, and I also, I was just thinking like, you know, I have some friendships that the relatability changed during COVID.
33:42
[SPEAKER_02]: They got, they had a baby.
33:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I moved all these different things.
33:46
[SPEAKER_02]: And so, our friendships have changed.
33:48
[SPEAKER_02]: They didn't disappear, but we are finding new things to relate on because the major things in our lives aren't relatable anymore.
33:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And so,
33:57
[SPEAKER_02]: But I think relationships can go through that.
33:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you really want them to stay, you find a new thing to relatable.
34:01
[SPEAKER_03]: 100% or visibility, which is also the proximity principle, which is also the law of propinquity.
34:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Try to say that ten times that.
34:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Now, a lot of propinquity basically says that the greater the physical or psychological proximity is between people, the greater the chance to have a relationship, right?
34:16
[SPEAKER_03]: So if you are not either physically or psychologically,
34:20
[SPEAKER_03]: in someone's proximity.
34:22
[SPEAKER_03]: You're not going to have a relationships.
34:23
[SPEAKER_03]: So we wonder why in sales are relationships drift away?
34:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, are you seeing them or marketing to them?
34:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Because if you're not, they're not coming back.
34:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?
34:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Are they showing up to class?
34:34
[SPEAKER_03]: If they're not showing up to class?
34:35
[SPEAKER_03]: You can't, but you can't have a relationship with them.
34:37
[SPEAKER_03]: So how do you get back in visibility with them?
34:39
[SPEAKER_03]: How do you get back in proximity with them?
34:41
[SPEAKER_03]: That's why it's first.
34:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Because you're right, relationships drift away good or bad for various different reasons.
34:47
[SPEAKER_03]: But if you want to bring
34:50
[SPEAKER_03]: get vulnerable with somebody.
34:52
[SPEAKER_03]: Vulnerability can be texting lessly and being like lessly I miss you.
34:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
34:57
[SPEAKER_03]: And it seems to each other in six months.
34:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I really miss you.
35:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Can we get to that?
35:00
[SPEAKER_03]: That's being vulnerable because you're admitting I haven't been in touch with you.
35:04
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
35:05
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
35:05
[SPEAKER_03]: And then relatability, finding a new point like to your like you just said you have friends at all the time just right having kids during COVID and you guys don't have kids and so they're doing off all the little tiny kids stuff and you and Brad are interested and guess what that's normal.
35:18
[SPEAKER_03]: How do you interested in little kids stuff, right?
35:21
[SPEAKER_03]: So that creates a little bit of a relatability difference.
35:23
[SPEAKER_03]: But can you have a relatability on something else?
35:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you both and just at end.
35:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
35:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like I could talk to you for hours.
35:30
[SPEAKER_02]: We are going to take a brief break and find out where I can get your book because obviously I might interest this peak.
35:35
[SPEAKER_02]: There's gonna be other things to go along with what's we get the first step down, then there's the next steps.
35:40
[SPEAKER_02]: And so it's like a brief break and find out when we get those books.
35:42
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, Barb, where are your books sold?
35:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Books are sold everywhere.
35:46
[SPEAKER_02]: What's in the book?
35:46
[SPEAKER_03]: What's in the book?
35:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Now, book is the relationship advantage unlocking the life-changing power of human connection.
35:55
[SPEAKER_03]: I just look under the relationship and being an easiest way to find an Amazon Barnes and Noble books a million as they say with a deep commercial voice.
36:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Everywhere books are so.
36:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
36:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, we're going to get your book because I definitely, I mean, I've of the four years you need to know you in this topic.
36:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Like every time I hear you speak, I hear a different way of it going.
36:15
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think it's the way of the future.
36:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Even if people think it's AI, maybe I, relationships are going to be the thing.
36:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to play with your AI tool.
36:22
[SPEAKER_03]: If they don't know who you
36:23
[SPEAKER_03]: That's why I wrote the book and I wrote it in three sections and just save you the high level overview.
36:28
[SPEAKER_03]: It's the first sections all the relationships with yourself.
36:31
[SPEAKER_03]: The second section is how do you build effective relationships with others?
36:34
[SPEAKER_03]: And then the third section is how relationships make an impact in your life.
36:38
[SPEAKER_03]: One chapter on sales, one chapter on leadership, one chapter on building community.
36:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And then the final chapter is how relationships are our legacy.
36:45
[SPEAKER_02]: You're brilliant, and also, you know, your, your, your barbeds on the, on the gram, correct, and then doing all the things.
36:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
36:52
[SPEAKER_03]: Everywhere, grams are found.
36:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
36:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
36:55
[SPEAKER_02]: You have, actually.
37:02
[SPEAKER_02]: You have been a so many tools.
37:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I feel like we could just like clip it and go, there's your beat action.
37:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I was, but just in case you have other things to add to that, bold, executable intrinsic or targeted steps people can take to be it to they see at what you have for us.
37:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I would say it comes down to the authenticity.
37:16
[SPEAKER_03]: It comes down to stop hiding, let your walls down, let people in admit you're not perfect, admit where your vulnerabilities are.
37:24
[SPEAKER_03]: It definitely comes down to pay attention to how you feel in social media, pay attention to what you're looking at, how you're comparing yourself to others, really try to change that neuroscience in your head and refrain that in comparison and I promise you, one of the things I tell people all the time is just DM somebody.
37:38
[SPEAKER_03]: When you feel that effort to compare,
37:42
[SPEAKER_03]: DM Leslie and be like, oh my gosh, your road should look amazing.
37:45
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm so proud of you.
37:46
[SPEAKER_03]: Even though you're looking at Leslie like, I'm just so successful.
37:51
[SPEAKER_03]: We like her, right?
37:52
[SPEAKER_03]: And then the third obviously is when you next time you fill that south out friends, please look at it.
37:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Just in your head, think green light, think green light, that means put your foot down on the gas pedal and go.
38:02
[SPEAKER_03]: That is your clue to push harder to go, to go do the thing.
38:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Is it will change who you are?
38:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Mmm.
38:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I love those.
38:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I love all of this.
38:11
[SPEAKER_02]: This whole conversation's let me up.
38:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm so excited.
38:13
[SPEAKER_02]: You guys, please let barbeds know what your fair parts were, what your takeaways were.
38:18
[SPEAKER_02]: If you were envious and you know what to do, just gave you the tool to how to say that.
38:22
[SPEAKER_02]: So this to a friend who needs to hear it, you know, also it might, that might even be a volume being vulnerable.
38:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, hey, this really meant a lot to me.
38:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it could be really great fresh both to figure this out.
38:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So I just think that there's so many different ways to take this.
38:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Go get Barb's book.
38:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I think get it.
38:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Wherever books are sold, and until next time, be it to UCF.
38:41
[SPEAKER_02]: That's all I got for this episode of The Beat To You See A Podcast.
38:44
[SPEAKER_02]: One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review, and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts.
38:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at The Beat Pot on Instagram.
38:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I would love to know more about you, share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it, help us and others be a to UCF.
39:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Have an awesome day.
39:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Be it till you see it is a production of the blue pod cast network.
39:11
[SPEAKER_02]: If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at plus one three one oh nine oh five five three four or send a DM on Instagram at be it pod.
39:23
[SPEAKER_00]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.
39:28
[SPEAKER_02]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the Epic team at disenio.co.
39:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Our theme music is by Ellie at Apex production music, and our branding by designer and artist John Franco-Chilfe.
39:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
39:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
39:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And finally, the Meredith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.