Latest / INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living / Practical Advice on Making a Marriage Stick Msg 48 - Pastor Chuck Swindoll Insight for Living

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Practical Advice on Making a Marriage Stick Msg 48 - Pastor Chuck Swindoll Insight for Living · INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living

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  Speaker 1: There's a wonderful passage of Scripture that says, let the
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  Speaker 1: Word of Christ dwell in you richly with all wisdom,
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  Speaker 1: teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns, in
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  Speaker 1: spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
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  Speaker 1: We have participated in that today, and I commend you
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  Speaker 1: for singing so heartily. This is the only place on
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  Speaker 1: earth we can do this together, so thank you for
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  Speaker 1: throwing yourself into it. Have a friend named Ray Ortland,
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  Speaker 1: who's preached for many years at Lake Avenue Congregational Church
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  Speaker 1: out in Pasadena, California, used to say, the best sermons
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  Speaker 1: are preached on tiptoe. I think the best songs are
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  Speaker 1: sung on the edge of our seats. And you have
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  Speaker 1: done that today, and I commend you. In your worship folder,
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  Speaker 1: you'll find an outline for today's message, and it is
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  Speaker 1: based on Ephesians chapter four, the last eight verses. If
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  Speaker 1: you will allow me, I'd like to read for you
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  Speaker 1: Ephesians four twenty five through thirty one. So we continue
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  Speaker 1: our series on the home and family in the twenty
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  Speaker 1: first century. Today will be thinking about practical advice on
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  Speaker 1: making a marriage stick the principles are in Ephesians four
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  Speaker 1: twenty five to thirty two. It is therefore laying aside falsehood,
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  Speaker 1: speak truth, each one of you with his neighbor, for
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  Speaker 1: we are members of one another.
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  Speaker 2: Be angry, and yet do not sin.
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  Speaker 1: Do not let the sun go down on your anger,
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  Speaker 1: and do not give the devil an opportunity. He who
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  Speaker 1: steals must steal no longer, but rather he must labor,
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  Speaker 1: performing with his own hands what is good, so that
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  Speaker 1: he will have something to share with the one.
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  Speaker 2: Who has need.
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  Speaker 1: Let know on wholesome word proceed from your mouth, but
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  Speaker 1: only such a word as is good for edification, according
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  Speaker 1: to the need of the moment, so that it will
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  Speaker 1: give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the
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  Speaker 1: Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for
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  Speaker 1: the day of redemption.
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  Speaker 2: Let all.
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  Speaker 1: Bitterness and wrath, and anger, and clamor and slander be
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  Speaker 1: put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind
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  Speaker 1: to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as
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  Speaker 1: God in Christ also has forgiven you. Will you stand
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  Speaker 1: please for prayer. We do hail the power of Jesus' name.
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  Speaker 1: And if angels prosprate fall, surely The least we can
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  Speaker 1: do is bow. As we stand in allegiance to our
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  Speaker 1: savior and your son, our Father. We exalt in his
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  Speaker 1: presence in this room. We exalt his name together our
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  Speaker 1: words a praise no no bounds, as we attempt to
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  Speaker 1: shape words to fit the virtue of his life. Thank
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  Speaker 1: you for his precious countenance that covers us, For his
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  Speaker 1: power that protects us, For his leadership that guides us,
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  Speaker 1: for his grace that forgives us. For the loveliness of
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  Speaker 1: his appeal that draws us and warms us and breaks
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  Speaker 1: our hearts. Thank you, Father for overseeing our lives with
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  Speaker 1: such vigilance, For caring about each detail, each heartbreak, each grief,
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  Speaker 1: each pang of pain, each fear that haunts us. We
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  Speaker 1: care so much, our Father, about this matter of marriage.
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  Speaker 1: Help us as we work toward that goal of living
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  Speaker 1: our lives like Christ in the presence of those who
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  Speaker 1: know us best. Forgive us, Father, for the wasted hours
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  Speaker 1: spent wrangling and arguing over non essentials. Thank you for
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  Speaker 1: bringing bringing us back to things that matter today. May
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  Speaker 1: your word be lifted from print on the page, and
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  Speaker 1: may it turn from mere terms to truth to live by.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you for the privilege of our occupation, for the
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  Speaker 1: pleasure of earning a living by your calling and grace.
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  Speaker 1: This is not our treasure we share with you. This
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  Speaker 1: is your treasure you so rightly deserve. We give not
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  Speaker 1: because you have a need, but because we have a
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  Speaker 1: need to know how to be more generous and grateful.
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  Speaker 1: So out of the abundance our Father, we pour forth
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  Speaker 1: our hearts a praise, as we again hail the power
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  Speaker 1: of Jesus' name. In his great name we give, and
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  Speaker 1: in that great name we pray. And all the people said, amen.
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  Speaker 1: It may be seated. Well. You never know what to
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  Speaker 1: expect when you speak on the home and family and
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  Speaker 1: you begin on the subject of marriage. People in the
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  Speaker 1: congregation are always creative, and they bring a pastor different
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  Speaker 1: things to look at to consider, Like the sign a
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  Speaker 1: lady brought me this week that reads the most difficult
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  Speaker 1: years of marriage are those following the wedding. I thought
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  Speaker 1: i'd put that up right, there be a little reminder
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  Speaker 1: for you.
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  Speaker 2: No, I won't do that.
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  Speaker 1: Like the fellow struggler who put it this way. I'm
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  Speaker 1: married looking for the ideal. I got the ordeal, now
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  Speaker 1: want a new deal. Women had been married for seventy
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  Speaker 1: years and decided it was time for a divorce.
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  Speaker 2: So the judge asked her through all of these years why.
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  Speaker 1: She answered, look, enough is enough. Some guys don't even
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  Speaker 1: get it ahead of time. I read this past week
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  Speaker 1: about a man who could not win the heart of
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  Speaker 1: this woman that he had fallen in love with, so
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  Speaker 1: he decided he would win her through the mail. So
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  Speaker 1: he began writing her a love letter every day, even
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  Speaker 1: sent her cards on the weekend. She still didn't respond,
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  Speaker 1: so he increased his output to three letters every twenty
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  Speaker 1: four hours, along with the cards on the weekend. Ultimately
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  Speaker 1: he wrote more than seven hundred letters and more than
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  Speaker 1: one hundred cards, and she married the postman. Some people
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  Speaker 1: have fun joking about marriage, but interestingly, Sir Winston Churchhill
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  Speaker 1: never did. His love for Clementine was not only well known,
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  Speaker 1: it was talked about across the British Isles all through
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  Speaker 1: the Second.
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  Speaker 2: World War and even years beyond. After more than fifty.
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  Speaker 1: Five years of marriage, a reporter interviewed mister Churchill and
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  Speaker 1: asked him the telling question, if you could live your
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  Speaker 1: life again, what would you want to be. With a
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  Speaker 1: twinkle in his eye, he answered quickly missus Churchill's next husband.
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  Speaker 1: Isn't it amazing that some married couples experienced such dismal
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  Speaker 1: dark years together, so unfulfilling, so heartbreaking, argumentative and angry years,
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  Speaker 1: and others who lived just a few doors away or
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  Speaker 1: around the corner, or in another town or attend the
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  Speaker 1: same church would be able to say, our marriage is
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  Speaker 1: solid and satisfying, and.
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  Speaker 2: It's sure it just gets better as the years go by.
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  Speaker 2: Why why is it some stick and some don't. I mean,
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  Speaker 2: we all laugh.
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  Speaker 1: At the fact that the difficult years of marriage follow
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  Speaker 1: the wedding. And I've never seen, never seen a marriage
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  Speaker 1: anywhere near ideal. I've never seen a marriage that didn't
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  Speaker 1: go through times of enormous hardship and crippling struggles, grievous pain.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, it seems, though it sounds strange, that the
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  Speaker 1: best marriages seem to be the product of that kind
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  Speaker 1: of challenging hardship. We looked at three couples all too
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  Speaker 1: briefly last time, Adam and Eve, and we saw that
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  Speaker 1: in nine hundred and more years of his life, there
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  Speaker 1: is never a recorded word that he and Eve split up,
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  Speaker 1: even though the life changes they went through.
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  Speaker 2: Were harsh, the.
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  Speaker 1: Fall into sin, being driven from the perfect environment of
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  Speaker 1: the garden, homeless and helpless to change their course of action.
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  Speaker 1: They have children, and one boy kills his brother. Of
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  Speaker 1: all things, the troubles just seemed to stack up and multiply.
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  Speaker 1: We learned from Adam and Eve that a marriage can
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  Speaker 1: survive the harshest of consequences. Then we skipped over a
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  Speaker 1: few hundred years and we interviewed a prophet named Hoseiah
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  Speaker 1: and a very unusual woman named Gomer, a prostitute whom
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  Speaker 1: God told him to marry.
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  Speaker 2: He did. After three children, she went back to the streets, and.
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  Speaker 1: God told him again to go and buy her back
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  Speaker 1: and marry her. So the nation Israel would know of
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  Speaker 1: God's love for the people who had turned to spiritual
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  Speaker 1: harlatry as they embraced idols instead of the One True God.
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  Speaker 1: The marriage was to be a model of God's love
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  Speaker 1: for his own people who prostituted their faith. We learned
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  Speaker 1: from Hoseiah and Gomer that a marriage can overcome the
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  Speaker 1: most extreme of challenges, just like the one you perhaps
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  Speaker 1: are going through right now. The harshest of consequences, the
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  Speaker 1: most extreme of challenges, and then then we looked at
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  Speaker 1: the mother of Jesus, Mary and her husband Joseph.
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  Speaker 2: What a strange set of circumstances. He marries this.
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  Speaker 1: Virgin who is telling him that she has conceived a
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  Speaker 1: child who is from God, in fact, the Messiah. Joseph,
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  Speaker 1: believing God and trusting her, gives himself to a marriage
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  Speaker 1: and all of the stuff that must have accompanied the
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  Speaker 1: small town of Nazareth as their marriage blossomed and she
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  Speaker 1: gave birth to this virgin born child, teaching us that
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  Speaker 1: a marriage can endure the strangest of circumstances. I don't
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  Speaker 1: know what the consequences or the challenges or the circumstances
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  Speaker 1: are in your marriage, but I can tell you this
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  Speaker 1: on the basis of these exacts amples in the scriptures.
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  Speaker 2: But surely it isn't worse than that, is it.
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  Speaker 1: Surely the consequences and challenges and circumstances.
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  Speaker 2: Aren't aren't that bad, aren't that extreme?
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  Speaker 1: And so it's with that in mind, and that's sort
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  Speaker 1: of forming the foundation of these next few moments we
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  Speaker 1: have together that I'd like that to be a backdrop,
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  Speaker 1: a very realistic backdrop to these practical pieces of advice
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  Speaker 1: we pull out of Ephesians four twenty five to thirty two.
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  Speaker 1: Let me push the pause button here and take off
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  Speaker 1: my preacher hat and put on my husband hat. Since
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  Speaker 1: I don't know another marriage better than I know my own.
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  Speaker 1: With your permission and forgiveness, I'm going to do a
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  Speaker 1: whole lot of personal unveiling of our life, our marriage,
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  Speaker 1: which has endured now more than our fiftieth June of
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  Speaker 1: two thousand and five. My desire in making us the
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  Speaker 1: example is not to make my wife squirm. Said she
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  Speaker 1: has no clue what I'm going to say, or at
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  Speaker 1: least she didn't before she attended the last service. I
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  Speaker 1: want to clarify some things that's important for me to say.
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  Speaker 1: First of all, please do not think by my using
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  Speaker 1: us as an example.
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  Speaker 2: That we have it all together. We do not.
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  Speaker 1: We have gone through many, if not the same conflicts
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  Speaker 1: that you have gone through, the.
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  Speaker 2: Pressures, the struggles, the heartaches.
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  Speaker 1: The disappointments, the messes, the mistakes, the failures, the faults
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  Speaker 1: that you also have gone through. There's nothing in us
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  Speaker 1: that makes us anything special. It wasn't because we came
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  Speaker 1: from parents who had their lives all to day. We
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  Speaker 1: came from loyal parents. Faithful parents, but we did not
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  Speaker 1: come from perfect homes. In fact, one of the earliest
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  Speaker 1: conversations we had, as the Lord showed us it wouldn't
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  Speaker 1: be long before our family would be started and it
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  Speaker 1: was going to be a responsibility to rear them God's way.
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  Speaker 1: We both decided we would not raise our children exactly
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  Speaker 1: as we were raised. We need to make some course corrections.
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  Speaker 1: We need to make some decisions that will alter the
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  Speaker 1: direction from which we had come. Though again, we loved
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  Speaker 1: our parents greatly. I'm not using us an example because
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  Speaker 1: I've entered the gospel ministry. There is little in the
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  Speaker 1: ministry to strengthen a home. Aside from having to hear
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  Speaker 1: yourself preach regularly. There is really very little in a
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  Speaker 1: church to make a home stronger for the pastor. So
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  Speaker 1: it's not about ministry that causes me to say this.
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  Speaker 1: It's not because we were given wise counsel. We had
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  Speaker 1: two faithful pastors, but not one word of council during
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  Speaker 1: our eighteen month engagement, not a word to the day
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  Speaker 1: they married us. And it isn't because we are kind
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  Speaker 1: of laid back and easy going.
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  Speaker 2: It isn't because we both have such soft and.
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  Speaker 1: Weak wills that we're just sort of relaxed and pliable
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  Speaker 1: with each other. I'm using us an example because I
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  Speaker 1: don't know of another couple I can be this candid about,
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  Speaker 1: and I do so understanding that we're still in the process.
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  Speaker 1: This is not about what we have learned. It is
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  Speaker 1: about what we are learning in our years together.
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  Speaker 2: So why is it we're still together? What are some
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  Speaker 2: of those tips.
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  Speaker 1: That might be able to be applied in your marriage
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  Speaker 1: and in your home? When I find all five right
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  Speaker 1: here tucked to way in the last few verses of
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  Speaker 1: Ephesians four. There are no imperatives until you get to
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  Speaker 1: verse twenty five, and then from twenty five to the
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  Speaker 1: end of the chapter there are eleven of them, and imperative.
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  Speaker 2: Is a command. It's telling us to do something.
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  Speaker 1: Based on several of these commands, I'd like to draw
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  Speaker 1: five principles that are all practical advice for keeping a
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  Speaker 1: marriage together making it stick. The first one is in
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  Speaker 1: verse twenty five. Therefore, as he sums it up, laying
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  Speaker 1: aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, if you
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  Speaker 1: will allow me with his married partner, for we are
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  Speaker 1: members of one another. Eugene Peterson paraphrases the first part
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  Speaker 1: of verse twenty five. No more lies, no more pretense,
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  Speaker 1: Tell the truth. CYNTHI and I are learning together, to
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  Speaker 1: begin with, to cultivate complete honesty in our relationship. We're
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  Speaker 1: learning to cultivate complete honesty. Now, where do I get that? Well,
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  Speaker 1: you'll observe. Just as in verse twenty two, the believer
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  Speaker 1: is told to lay aside the old self now and
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  Speaker 1: the same word used, he's told to lay aside falsehood,
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  Speaker 1: set it aside.
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  Speaker 2: But it's not automatic. It's a command. It's a directive.
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  Speaker 2: Laying aside falsehood. Speak truth.
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  Speaker 1: The Greek sentence reads, putting off the lie, speak truth.
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  Speaker 1: The lie is in Greek top pseudos p s e
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  Speaker 1: u d os. We get obviously our word pseudo from it.
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  Speaker 1: In Greek, you pronounce the p. In English it's silent.
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  Speaker 1: Pseudo sounds to us like the word phony. A person
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  Speaker 1: is a pseudo intellectual. They're not really an intellectual. They're
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  Speaker 1: trying to make you think they're an intellectual. Pseudo is
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  Speaker 1: the term used, and it's rendered here lying or falsehood.
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  Speaker 1: John Calvin call lying a monstrosity. Another man writes, a
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  Speaker 1: lie is a stab into the very vitals of the body,
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  Speaker 1: a shaft from the kingdom of darkness, And yet we lie.
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  Speaker 1: Lying wears many faces, from mild to extreme forms of deception,
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  Speaker 1: diplomatic hedging, stretching the facts, not telling the whole story,
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  Speaker 1: sang silent when we should speak. Flattery, telling another what
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  Speaker 1: he or she wants to hear rather than what he
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  Speaker 1: or she needs to hear.
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  Speaker 2: Very common in marriages.
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  Speaker 1: Trying to look better with the other than we really are,
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  Speaker 1: hiding our fears, our real feelings, not telling the truth
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  Speaker 1: about our motives, or if we're on the phone about
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  Speaker 1: our whereabouts, we hedge, or we do until we stop
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  Speaker 1: the line. I like the way John rw Stott renders
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  Speaker 1: this fellowship is built on trust, and trust is built
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  Speaker 1: on truth.
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  Speaker 2: Change the word fellowship to marriage. It fits.
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  Speaker 1: Marriage is built on trust and trust is built on truth. Now,
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  Speaker 1: I've observed that most of us cultivate the habit of
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  Speaker 1: lying while we're dating, just suddenly start being.
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  Speaker 2: Liars once we say I do.
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  Speaker 1: For example, you probably told your wife to be that
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  Speaker 1: you loved opera, so you went to these miserable performances
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  Speaker 1: time after time and just sat there grinning like a
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  Speaker 1: passa meating briar, thinking, you know, this is just wonderful,
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  Speaker 1: This is just great. You're trying to impress her that
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  Speaker 1: you really love She's thinking, oh boy, I finally found
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  Speaker 1: a man that loves opera.
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  Speaker 2: Then you marry. You're not going to an opera. You
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  Speaker 2: know you're not gonna go. Why did you say you
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  Speaker 2: would go before? Because you lie? Now she does that
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  Speaker 2: with fishing. She's wanting to.
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  Speaker 1: Get up at three o'clock in the morning and fix
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  Speaker 1: those miserable tuna fish sandwiches and get in that boat
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  Speaker 1: and go out on that lake, freezing her buns off,
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  Speaker 1: getting ready to catch a little tiny fish, saying, oh
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  Speaker 1: this is so romantic, this is so fun. Then you're married.
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  Speaker 1: She not going fishing.
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  Speaker 2: Why did she tell you she liked fishing?
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  Speaker 1: Because she wanted you to like her rather than you
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  Speaker 1: know what, opera stinks. You know what, I am not
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  Speaker 1: interested at all in fishing, and you can do that,
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  Speaker 1: but I'm not gonna do it. That's how you keep
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  Speaker 1: from lying. So what do you do instead? You talk
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  Speaker 1: truth to your partner.
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  Speaker 2: Sounds easy, doesn't it.
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  Speaker 1: Some of you have covered up for so long you'd
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  Speaker 1: have a hard time finding the truth even though it's
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  Speaker 1: the truth that sets your free. No marriage is more
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  Speaker 1: in bondage than a marriage that is wrapped in lies.
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  Speaker 1: I wonder how many of you, if you were given
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  Speaker 1: just a simple four by six card, could fill out
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  Speaker 1: completely and exactly the truth regarding the major details of
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  Speaker 1: your partner. You may think you know, but you don't
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  Speaker 1: know unless your partner has made the determination to stop lying.
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  Speaker 2: And tell the truth. It's tough to do.
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  Speaker 1: There's a second in verses twenty six and twenty seven.
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  Speaker 2: Let me read it slowly.
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  Speaker 1: Be angry, yet do not sin, Do not let the
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  Speaker 1: sun go down on your anger, and do not give
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  Speaker 1: the devil.
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  Speaker 2: An opportunity. One man renders this.
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  Speaker 1: Go ahead and be angry, but don't use your anger
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  Speaker 1: as fuel for revenge. Don't stay angry, don't go to
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  Speaker 1: bed angry, don't give the devil that kind of foothold.
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  Speaker 1: CYNTHI and I are learning over these years, and here's
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  Speaker 1: the point, to express our anger in appropriate ways and
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  Speaker 1: at the right time. We're learning to express our anger
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  Speaker 1: in appropriate ways.
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  Speaker 2: And at the right time.
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  Speaker 1: Please notice, I did not say we are learning never
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  Speaker 1: to be angry. Scripture says I'm supposed to be angry.
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  Speaker 1: Isn't that what the command reads? Be angry?
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  Speaker 2: I mean, when's the last time you've obeyed God and
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  Speaker 2: got angry? He said what I thought. I thought, all
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  Speaker 2: anger is wrong.
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  Speaker 1: You see, I was raised to think like that, So
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  Speaker 1: for ten years I'd put her down every time anger appeared.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't know what I was talking about. I was
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  Speaker 1: raised wrong. All anger is not bad. There is a
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: righteous indignation if it does not anger you when you
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: read about someone who molests a child, or something wrong
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: with your thinking.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: If it doesn't make you angry when you.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: See unfairness and iniquity inequity occur in our society, some's
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: wrong with your scale of values. And when wrong is
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: happening in a marriage, there's something strange about just smiling
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: at all, rather than addressing it the right way the
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: right time. If all anger were wrong, then Ephesions five
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: and verse six would be a tough nut to crack.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Let no one deceive you with empty words, For because
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: of these things the wrath of God, there's anger.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: Comes upon the sons of disobedience.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: If all anger were wrong, God's wrong to be angry
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: towards the sons of disobedience, and the psalms are full
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: of that kind of writing. The point is he's not tolerant,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: he's not passive, he's not apathetic, and there are times
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: when that needs to be true in our lives, but
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: it needs to be expressed appropriately and at the right time.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: A matter of respect. I've learned that if I, if
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: I really have the kind of respect of my maid
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: that I need, I will give her room and she
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: will give me room to express angry feelings. She has
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: a real good comment that I've learned from her. She says,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: we should never go to bed angry because when we do,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: it's like wet cement, and during the night it gets hard.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: You experience that. Don't answer out loud.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: It's a great habit to form that you not let
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: the sun go down on your wrath. That means you
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: sit up until the conflict is resolved. If you talk
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: till three point thirty four in the morning, you will
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: agree to anything by then.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: It's amazing what that does.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: We're not going to sleep, We're not going to bid
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: back to back, we are not going to let that fester.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: How many marriages are a study infestering anger. Some of
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: you are very angry about something that has never been expressed.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: The problem then, is that you sort of save stamps.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: You know, remember when you used to save green stamps
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: and you'd put one in every once in a while,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: and you get your book finished, and you'd go redeem
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: the book. That happens when you're out front honking for
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: your wife to come on and get in the car,
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: and all of a sudden she arrives and.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: It's boom, it's all over the car.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: She's redeemed her book that she has been saving.
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: The stamps in all this time.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: We're learning not to let that build up up.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: We are.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: Learning to express it appropriately. I like the way Harold
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: honer Renders handles this. Paul does not want believers to
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: give the devil an opportunity by their anger. The devil
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: twists and distorts the truth. If there is no quick
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: restoration between parties, further anger mounts, and dissension and revenge
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: often resolved. It's a heartbreak to see couples at each
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: other's throat because of unresolved anger. Let it out at
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: the right time, the right way. There's a third in
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: verse twenty eight. This is going to shock you. We
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: have learned to stop stealing from each other. I can
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: imagine the lunch talk after this message today. Our pastor
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: and his wife used to be thieves. Well it's true.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Look at verse twenty eight. He who steals must steal
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: no longer, but rather he must labor, performing with his
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: own hands what is good, so that he will have
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: something to share with one who is need. Now, the
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: context of this, obviously is in the realm of the
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: real world, not limited to marriage. But I'm going to
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: apply it to marriage. This is obviously in a society
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: where people steal. Paul is telling the reader to stop stealing.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: And one of the ways to learn to stop stealing
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: is to do hard labor, either your own work or
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: work in prison, so that you pay a price until
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: you learn the value of honoring others and what.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: Is rightfully theirs.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: Now, what do I mean about a marriage that steals
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: from each other? Well, there's more to marriage than material possessions.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: There's time, there's trust, there are promises or expectations. I
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: steal from my partner, and I have done this on
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: a number of occasions. When I steal time, I promised her,
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: and I let something else encroach on that time, and
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: I give precedence to that rather than to my promise.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: I steal from her when I take a sacred trust
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: which is a secret she may have shared with me,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: and I announce it or I use it sometime against her.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: I steal from her when I take secrets that are
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: known only between her and me, and I get miles
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: out of them to make myself look good.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: She could do the same.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Partners can steal from each other in the way they
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: spend money. I know a couple their marriage did not last,
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: but he was a man given to a whole lot
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: of golf. He was sort of addicted to the golf course,
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: and he spent a ton of dough going to the golf.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: He was also tight fisted and through a fit when
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: she would go over the budget at the grocery store.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: And she finally decided to solve this problem by saying
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: to him, you know what, I'm going to start keeping
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: track with all the money you spend it to golf course,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: and I'm going to spend it at Nordstrom's, so you
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: can spend it on golf and I will spend the
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: same amount of It's amazing what that did to curb
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: his golf game. You know the matter of fact is
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: it did not solve the marriage breakdown. She found her
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: partner was stealing from her. Cynthia and I have observed
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: that unless we write down appointments, we won't keep them
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: with each other. So we write them into our calendars.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Otherwise I'll forget that I said this evening will be
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: ours and nobody else's. There'll be something else that'll take
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: its place. So we're learning not to steal from each other.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: Look at verse twenty nine. Let no unwholesome word proceed
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: from your mouth, but only such a word as is
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: good for edification, means for building up according to the
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: need of the moment, so that it will give grace
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: to those who hear.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: Talk about a great verse to go.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: By our telephone. Wouldn't that be a great verse to
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: put right there? Cynthia happens to have this verse out
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: of the Amplified Bible sitting at the top of her
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: computer screen and sitting there for her to read every
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: time she's ready to do an email or these words.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word, or
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: unwholesome or worthless talk ever come out of your mouth,
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: But only such speech as is good and beneficial to
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: need of the occasion, that it may be a blessing
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: and give grace God's favor to those who hear it.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: I just read it this week. There it sits. The
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: principle is this.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: We're learning over the years to be very careful with
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: our words, not only the words themselves, but the tone
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: of our words. The tongue is the most powerful enemy
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: in your home.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: With it, you.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: Can slice and dice, you can rip apart, you can murder,
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: you can assault and never bring blood. You can cause
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: the explosions so that the shrapnel stays in the brain
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: in the form of words that are unwholesome.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: Washington Irving put it very well. The tongue is the only.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: Tool that grows sharper with constant use. We're giving no
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: wabble room here. Look at the word no unwholesome word.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: The Greek sentence is a little awkward, but it drives
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: home the point. Every word corrupt out of your mouth,
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: Let it not proceed.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: Isn't that good? Every word corrupt out.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: Of your mouth, Let it not proceed. The word unwholesome
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: is a little mild in English, the Greek term used
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: refers to rotting wood or rotten vegetables, or rotten fruit.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: Or rancid fish. It's used for that.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: In extra biblical literature, vivid enough we have the word putrid.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: Stinking is another word. In fact, the term is used
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: for wilting and foul smelling flowers. It's also a.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: Term that could refer to profanity.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: Years ago, when I was a kid, we used to
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: put shrimp in newlyweds hubcaps on their car down in Houston.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: You get a lot of shrimp, and it's always fond
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: of while they're in there having a lot of fun.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: At the going away party, We're out there shoviny shrimp
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: in the hub caps. And after about three or four
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: days of the Houston heat, Hey it's fun.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: You got slimmy junk coming out on the wheels and
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: the brides moving farther and farther.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: Away from the groom running what's wrong. What happened?
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: Well, the shrimp got pewtree and rotten. That's words that
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: are inappropriate that can come out of your mouth. Every
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: time we open our mouths, we either build up or
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: tear down. We either affirm or we assault. It's just
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: that simple you know what's kind of broken my heart.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: We talk nicer to each other at church than we
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: do to our own partners. People are much sweeter to
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: me than the error are to their husbands.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: Or their wives.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: How sad must grieve the heart of God. In fact,
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: he says, don't grieve the holy spirit of God.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: What's your words? Watch your tone? Guard That.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Fifth and finally is found in verses thirty one and
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: thirty two. Let all, there's a word again, bitterness and wrath,
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: And here's the wrong kind of anger and clamor and
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: slander be put away from you. We started by laying
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: aside falsehood. Now we're at the end putting away these
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: things and be kind to one another. I like the
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: way my sister renders this, Just be nice. Wouldn't it
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: be a nice change? Don't answer out loud? Wouldn't it
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: be a nice change, Just to be treated nice. The
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: principle is this learning to demonstrate grace and continually forgive
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: one another. We're learning to demonstrate grace and to keep
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: on forgiving each other. Why because we keep on failing?
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Oh we are not by nature gracious. It was said,
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: I love this quote.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: It was said of Alexander White, the pastor, the Scottish
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: pastor and author.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: Known for his kindness.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: All of his geese became swans.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: Not a nice touch. What is your wife becoming because
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: of you?
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: What is your husband becoming because of you?
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: I got up real early this morning, and.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: Earlier than I should have gotten up, and I wanted
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Cynthia get up with me. She wanted to sleep a
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: little later than four point thirty. And so I was
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: banging stuff around and fixing the coffee, and you know,
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: turn the clock where it would chime, and I She's
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: pulled the covers up, and I'm jerking on the covers,
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: and so we have a few words together. So on
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: my Bible when I got to the second service, I
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: found a little note.
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: To my beloved husband.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: I knew then I was in trouble with just the
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: beloved husband part. In response to the cute little veil
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: threats you tossed my way this morning before my eyes
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: were even open, I would like to suggest now, when
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: you read that it's going to be bad, I would
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: like to suggest that you not say anything which would
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: result in my having to demand equal time. Don't applaud that. Yeah,
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: and it's always signed your loving wife.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: Isn't that.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: You know, little little no that that's adorable And I'll
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: keep that. Uh sometime you you can write just a
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: little note that's kind. The other day I just got
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: a rush of affection for her, and I pulled off
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: a post it. You know, I don't want to spend
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: too much, pulled off a post it, and I wrote
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: the three words I love you, and I stuck it
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: on the mirror. I used to do that when we
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: had teenagers. Oh man, don't do that when you got.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: Teenagers in the oh dad, you know.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: So now that they're gone, I could write whatever I
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: want to, you know, And so I wrote, I wrote
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: I love you, And I thought, you know, she'll probably
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: after the.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: Way I'm treaders, you'll probably go, yeah, right.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: But my surprise, last evening we took a drive in
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: her car and she had transferred the little note to
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: her dashboard and she could read it there. The only
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: reason I tell you that is to say, you just
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: don't know what a note means. You just don't know
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: what those gush moments when you just feel a surge
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: of affection can mean to your partner. Dying for affirmation.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: I close with the words of a surgeon. His name
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: is Richard Seltzer, MD. From his book Mortal Lessons Notes
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: in the Art of Surgery.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: These are his words.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: I stand by the bed where a young woman lies,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: her face postoperative, her mouth twisted in palsy clownishsh A
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: tiny twig of the facial nerve, the one to the
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: muscles of her mouth, has been severed. She will be
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: thus from now on. The surgeon had followed with religious
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: fervor the curve of her flesh. I promise you that, nevertheless,
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: to remove the tumor in her cheek, I had to
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: cut the little nerve.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: Her young husband is in the room.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: He stands on the opposite side of the bed, and
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: together they seem to dwell in the evening lamplight, isolated
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: from me private.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: Who are they?
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: I ask he in this wry mouth I have made,
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: who gaze at and touch each other.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: So generously and greedily. The young woman speaks, will my
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: mouth always be like this?
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: Yes, I say it will. It's because the nerve was cut.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: She nods and is silent. The young man smiles.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: He says, I like it. It's kind of cute.
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: All at once, I know who he is, I understand,
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: and I lower my gaze. One is not bold in
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: an encounter with a god. Unmindful, he bends to kiss
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: her crooked mouth and eyes so close.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: I can see how he twists his own.
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: Lips to accommodate to hers, to show her that their
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: kiss still works. I remember that the gods appeared in
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: ancient Greece as mortals, and I hold my breath.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: And let the wonder in May about together.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: Time is so short. Before you know it, you'll be
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: burying him or her. Before you know it, life will
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: have passed.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Before you know it.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: You'll remember one hundred things you will wish you would
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: have written or said, and it'll be too late. Work
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: at it now, fellow struggler, stay at it. These are
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: principles that will give new life to a marriage gasping
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: for oxygen.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: Try them you'll see. Now.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: Father, we hail your name because you are the one
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: who originated all of this. You brought us together together
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: with our partners. Forgive us for working so stupidly to
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: push each other apart. Do serious work of surgery in
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: our lives, in areas that need to be addressed.
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: Start with me.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you for him who is able to guard us
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: from stumbling, and to present us.
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: Fault less, faultless before the presence of His glory, with
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: exceeding joy, even Jesus in whose name we pray, and
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: everyone said amen.
• 44:39
  Speaker 4: The preceding message, Practical Advice on Making a Marriage Stick,
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: was copyrighted in two thousand and four and two thousand
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: and six, and the sound recording was copyrighted in two
• 44:49
  Speaker 4: thousand and six by Charles Rswindall, Inc. All rights are
• 44:52
  Speaker 4: reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: strictly prohibited. Won