Latest / Off the Clock, On the Rocks with Abby and Kate / Episode 4: Does Age Matter in Love? Relationships, Age Gaps & Faith | Off the Clock, On the Rocks

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Episode 4: Does Age Matter in Love? Relationships, Age Gaps & Faith | Off the Clock, On the Rocks · Off the Clock, On the Rocks with Abby and Kate

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I watch them first, so I know it's gonna come out.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, uh I watch it today.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: You want to stay employed.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I watched it today on YouTube through a different account, so we got an extra view.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_02: Every kid, yeah.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Off the Clock on the Rocks with Abby and Kate, where work ends and real life begins.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: And today we have a special guest.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Hello! Welcome.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: My cousin, welcome.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: She's visiting all the way from Hawaii to make our first guest appearance that we have on our podcast.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so what's on the rocks for us today?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Mine's not on the rocks, but what do you guys have?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm having Vino uh strawberry.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Cheers, ladies.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Cheers, cheers.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: What are you having, Kate?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm having the Sauvignon Blanc, which is my favorite wine, only from Australia or New Zealand.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: Sauvignon.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Sauvignon.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna have her hand last time when she couldn't say it.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So she was like all weird about it.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, welcome, here we are.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And today with our amazing special guest, we are going to be discussing relationships, our relationships, and the commonality that we have.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Which is an age gap relationship.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So here we go.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Just that, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to start though?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Should I be the neutral?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Am I is that what it is?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're definitely not neutral, but carry on.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: An age?
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like Josh and I are essentially what?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: The same.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you're in the same high school class?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: So you're the same?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: We are high school sweethearts.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: We med junior year of high school.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: I gave him an ultimate.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't know him in freshman and freshman year?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Big school or what?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Uh no, I was just really smart.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: He said I was hanging out with low low.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: No, he said I was hanging out with the nerdy group.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: He was the jock.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: He was like the football star.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like that it's it's just our groups didn't um connect.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: How many people were in your class?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like your graduating class.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't remember.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I remember.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Mine was a hundred two hundred.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I don't remember.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I like I feel like it was small.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't even go to the reunion.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Who goes to reunions?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't know.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Did you?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Did you like I did?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, we we met in high school, junior year, and I gave him an ultimatum that I wanted to be his girlfriend before senior year in August when school started.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: So he asked me out July 31st.
• 2:28
  unknown: Oh.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: At 1259.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: 99.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: On the da.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: He's a little um stubborn, resistant.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: No, he's always uh he plans last minute.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Always I think most men are that way, right?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but that's us.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: We've been together since.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Little tidbit, if you're a man watching this, a woman doesn't care what gift you give them.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: They just want to be thought of and not the day before.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or worse, the morning of.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Just so you know.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, tell us about yours.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: So I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 31.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh! So Saucey! Yeah.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we're both military, so he was military, he was stationed here, and I had just gotten back from basic, so I was just higher rank.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: Probably looking all cute coming back from basic, you know.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: Funny story, though, is we actually hated each other.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: So we kind of built up our relationship from hatred to what we are now.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: For true love.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's adorable.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I actually love that.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Most of my close friends, with the exception of you, I didn't like when I first met them.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: My friends, though.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: I liked you when I first met you.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure how you felt, but it didn't matter.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we we just discovered that we didn't really care for each other this week.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, because she was a little snobby when I met her.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think so.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you wouldn't say I'm snobby.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Who would say that?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Well, she said I didn't say hi to her.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's snobby.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: But I I don't remember not saying hi.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: I was always very respectful.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think some of his family members were not that very welcoming.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, which is fair.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we were young, and I was his first girlfriend that ever came to meet the family.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then you trapped him with two children.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was like, pa, and here we pa ridiculous.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Here we are.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: No, yeah.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: I think um there was only one cousin that I got along with, huh?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she was really fun.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: We worked together.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: But everybody else, I mean, you were you were traveling at that time, so you she was out of state.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: So she just felt not welcomed by you.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: No, I just didn't know her that well.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was never around.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: So it just happened that I was in town for the weekend and they're like, oh, this is Josh's girlfriend.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, oh, hi.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And she was just like, No, I didn't.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's better than what she said to me the first time I met her, so that's fine.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, um, what what was your husband's name?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Edgar.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Edgar.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm gonna remember that.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not I don't know what to call him mine.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: I call him my man, but like his name's Hayden.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: But we're not engaged, we're not married, we someday will be, so that's that's that.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm 10 years older than him.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I'm 10 years older, you're 12 to 12 slash 13 years old.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: 13 years younger, and then you're almost exactly the same.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, what a nice little plethora of options here.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Was it weird?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it was a little bit in the sense that his daughter and I are closer because he has older kids, are closer in age than me and him.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: Oh so that's kind of a little awkward.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I was young and I didn't care.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: But I think like as we became more serious and I had to play that mother figure, I guess you could say, um, there was some bumps in the road where now it's kind of easy to easy down.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Not to say this is the same thing, but I was watching a special on Lizzie Borden last night, not the one on Netflix, because that's weird, but a different one.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And her stepmother was in her life since she was two, and then she ended up.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not that that's the same thing, but I'm just in my head.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I don't know why.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even know what that is.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: She reminded me of it.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, Lizzie Borden.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know what Lizzie Borden is?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: She murdered her dad and her stepmom, and there's like this whole thing about it.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, gave her mother 40 wax, gave her father 40 wax, gave her mother 41.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's just one extra what?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Killed her with a hatchet, and then told the this is crazy, told the police, it's like 1800s, late 1800s, that the blood on her dress was period blood, so they shouldn't worry about it.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And they were like, ugh, and they didn't investigate.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And she got off.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't get charged with it.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: They would definitely investigate period blood now.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Stepmoms get a bad rap, I feel like, you know, like Disney's movies that stepmoms are always the worst.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's like we're not we're not that bad.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: No, yeah, I don't think we're that bad.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think we're great actually.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Bonus mom.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Bonus mom.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think sometimes it's really hard for the other person.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's easier to call out a not so great stepmom than to recognize that there is a good one.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not so much because of the partner, but I think as a mom it's maybe sometimes hard to accept.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like you don't want to know that like somebody else loves your kid and that your kid loves them.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: The motherly figure.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I feel like you kind of want that for yourself, but then I I'm assuming, I'm assuming because I don't know that it's it's a little bit of like, like those are my kids, you know.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure I I think that plays.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think sharing's hard in general.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I met Hayden online on Tinder.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a Tinder success.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: It was a Tinder success.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, Do you remember what was all my profile?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, No, I don't.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember at all.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: At all.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I mean I would.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: I would vet your oh yeah, no, you did all my vetting pre yeah.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: She would do all my like check out all the people that were like, I don't know how it used to be liking or that swiped or whatever, and then they'd be there and she'd be like, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: She'd scrub them.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: She did it.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: She did it, and then because we we met, and then about seven months later, we ended up in like um uh an official relationship, but we met and it was very unofficial for a while.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was just like fun and frivolous, and yeah.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And what was funny about it was that like he had told me he was like, Well, I was talking to my dad about you, and I was like, That's weird, because like we were official, you know, and he was like, he asked me some questions about you, and I couldn't answer them because I realized I didn't ask you those questions, and I was like, Oh, I was like, Ask away.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that first conversation we had that was like serious one was like four and a half hours.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow, and that was when he would say that that's when he knew like this was for real.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's from the spark.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, I think there was like little ones leading up to that because I remember telling you that because she heard all of my drama, right?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because I met him, um Abby's dad, and that whole situation, he passed away, and so I kind of went on this I'm frivolous and I gotta do whatever I want thing.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And Abby was vetting all this and like that's not a good idea, that's a good idea, and then listening to all my drama.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: So she was it was fun, she enjoyed it, and it was like our work coachings was more about like, so what happened?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody else was invested.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: We'd be like, ooh, what happened?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then he was 10 again, 10 years younger than me, so I didn't really take it seriously at the beginning because I'm like, what's this 30-year-old dude want with this?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I mean he was 29 when I met him.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now he's 30, he'll be 31 next month.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: But it was like not something I was But it the funny thing is is that you never talked about him.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: No, because I didn't take him seriously.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like we never knew about him, and then all of a sudden things started to get more serious, and we're like, wait a minute.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they heard about all these other weird dates and people and all that stuff, and it was just like uh, or you know, like drama.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Not drama, but like I was big on the ick tracking, you know, like ig, ig, uh, and that was a lot of what it was.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then he just kind of came out of nowhere.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect timing.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I thought so.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: So you said his birthday's next month.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no November.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh I messed up, you're right.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, my husband says October, Josh's October.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: Could it be that would be fun?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's he a Libra though.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Scorpio.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Scorpio.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so that's how we met.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: But um, he was like at the beginning when I was telling them about him, he was asking these weird questions, and I was like, because again, I wasn't taking them seriously, and he had already kind of like was starting to like sense me out, and I was like, Whoo! No idea.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And he was asking me these questions, like, you know, if I did this, would that bug you?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Or if I left this here, would that?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, who cares?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, not my place, not my I don't care, you know.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was talking to the girls at work and they were like, Oh, he's like filling you out, and I was like, for what?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: They were like, to date you, and I was like, Oh, oh, I didn't get it.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't get it.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I then I did get it, and it worked out great.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah, and he officially asked me to be his girlfriend in July of last year.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh it was very sweet.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: How cute!
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, did he do like a big show?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_02: That was on the phone.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it was just very special, yeah.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like everything else.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I didn't know if you like he had to do something big so you could actually get it.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, you know, but the when he first told me he loved me, it was weird because we should talk about that all how that happened.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: But we were driving in the car and we're having some conversation, and the way he said it was, um, you know I love you, right?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Well, I guess I do now, because you just said that, you know, it's like so like unofficial, like nothing, you know, big, which is good.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: It was like very like genuine, yeah you know.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: So he said he loves you first.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: So I wonder if that's like a younger person.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_02: Because I called Edgar that I loved him first.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, really?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: And his response was like, Oh, well, that's cool.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't even say that.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's cool.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so we joke around and he had just gotten out of his previous marriage, and he was just like, Well, I like you a lot, but I don't know if I love you.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: So we would say, We live you because it's more than like, but not quite love.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's kind of cute.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: So for the longest time, we would just like Do you still say that?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: We've we've bumped up to love.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: I just think it'd be funny.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a flashback, you know?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's adorable.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it is a younger person.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking it was like a guy thing, but now that's obviously not.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Who said it first with you?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh Josh did.
• 12:47
  unknown: Yeah.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Is Josh younger, right?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: No, he's a couple months older.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: More to think about on that one.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us in the comments who said I love you first.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Younger, older.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: We don't know.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Who knows?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Love is blind?
• 13:04
  unknown: No.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was just filling in the words, I'm not sure.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: As we're sitting here, I realized that all of us have very different walks of faith with God.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: And we've, I think for the most part, I mean, I know Helen and I know Kate, and I know myself, we've probably gotten the closest that we have within the past couple years in our walk with God and our relationship that we have.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: And that always has a very positive outcome on a lot of things.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: But I think the one thing that I would like to kind of talk about today is what has been like that change that you've seen translated from your relationship with God to now your marriage or your, you know, with your husband, with your partner.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, has is there something that stands out?
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because I definitely remember that when I was younger, when Josh and I were younger, um, we didn't really take our faith too seriously and our relationship was very tumultuous, very rocky.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: And now that we're more grounded and more have like a stronger foundation and faith, we are significantly more a team and we flow really well.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I almost get to the point where I'm scared um that there's gonna be temptation around us, or that you know the devil's gonna try to attack that because that's like what's near and dear to my heart is our relationship and our marriage.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's my safe space.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, real quick though, on that one, what do you think was the biggest change?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and how does that play into the the like was it you, was it him, was it you together?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how did how did the renovation of your faith journey happen as a married couple?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think I he didn't have the best relationship with like church.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so I think I definitely influenced that a lot more.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like he would go to church with his family, but it was never something that he sought out.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: It was like we have to go to church.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because it was a requirement, not because it was like something he chose to do.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think one of the things that I had to kind of learn and accept through prayer is that I am not in control of the relationship that he builds with God.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: I can only be in charge of my own relationship.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: So when I started to focus more on myself, not that I became a godly woman, but I I definitely started to change my perception of him, and I and I almost had a little bit more respect for him as the leader of our home.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I I always say that when you give a man respect and when you give a man his place, he will return that to you with love and kindness, and I love that.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: I I love like he can say a lot of bad words, but if he says them like in a conversation to me, like if he's expressing himself, I get very hurt because he never talks to me that way.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, or little things like that, those are things that I notice.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: So um, I think now in the place that we're at is that I know that he has a relationship with God, I know that I do, and sometimes we come together at night and we'll pray, or sometimes in the mornings, or sometimes if we're going through something hard, we both pray together and we feel significantly more connected.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: But through respect, that has that has changed a lot, and and that came from me because I was a very controlling person, I guess.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like I wanted to be in command of the conversation or I wanted to be right all the time, and now that's changed.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're more of like the because it's more of like a traditional relationship, right?
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Where you have the man as the head of the household and the head of the faith portion of that.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's more and I th I was talking to somebody about this today, but it's like if you give a chan if you a lot of women lead because I think men are afraid to like upset them or upset their wife or whatever.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so they let them lead, but at the same point, then there's no f there's no one to follow because they they give that over to their wife, right?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: But there's also this thing that you just said that made me think of that whole point of like you need to become the person that you want to be with or the person that you're meant to be with, not for somebody else, but for yourself, and then that other person will grow to meet you.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you think that's what happened.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely, yeah.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: I think before we were, he was absolutely more closed off.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't want to upset me, he didn't like you know, Josh, he was non-confrontational.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: He has a 48-hour rule.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Tell him about the 48-hour rule.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: I actually love this.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: He'll sleep on it for two days, and if it doesn't bother him with the next two days, then he feels like it's not worth it to bring it up.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I love that.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: I wish something up recently.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: We'll talk about that later too.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: He uh I feel like I do not have the patience to wait.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: I want to like bring it up and talk about it, but I also like have to think it through in my head first, and then I'm like, am I really mad about this?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is it that big of a deal?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like this whole internal dialogue before I'm like, I am frustrated about this, you know.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think that was part of the problem is that I was very emotionally reactive, and that's where I came across very stern, and I would kind of hit a wall because he wouldn't, I wouldn't get the reaction that I wanted out of him.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so you were looking for you were like seeking a reaction.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: And in the beginning, it was really hard for me to understand of like maybe we do need a pause, or maybe we and I think without saying it more his behavior, it has changed our dynamic, it has changed how a lot of things happen in our house.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, I know a lot of people ask, but my husband's the leader of our home.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: I not necessarily what he says goes, but sometimes the way that he sees things is very different than I see things.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: We have a very different thought process, but I think giving him the respect that he deserves as the man of the house has definitely changed our marriage intimately with in front of the girls, like just all together, um has been a really great outcome.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like when they lead like that, they have a reason to follow and a reason to trust.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's a makes him a little bit.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: It kind of does.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: I would agree.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, how about you?
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so our faith journey was very different.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: So my husband grew up Christian with his grandparents, but he doesn't believe in like a church aspect.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: So to him, his relationship with God is uh just at home reading the Bible internal.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: Where for me, I like to go every Sunday, I like to pray, worship, everything.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um so I would say probably six years ago, I kind of just pushed it a little bit more, and it kind of helped us build together because he saw how important it was to me.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: And we've had our times where he's like, I don't have to go to church to have a relationship, but I don't like it makes me feel good.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: So I think having that open communication has helped us over the years, and especially being that we are military and we are alone with just him and I and the kids, it kind of makes it nice to kind of hold on to something together that we kind of bring back on.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I see you.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it works, and that's like every time we move to a new assignment, it's like let's find our church.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like we've made that a priority because he knows me that he's always gone and I'm home with the kids, like that's important to me.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_02: And it shows the kids because now the kids see that dad wants to go, so I want to go to church too.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: And it kind of goes back to establishing that faith into the kids, which kind of helps me, it makes me happy.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: So how when you're going to look, I'm interested, when you go to a new place and you're looking for a church, do you find yourself going to a bunch of them before you find that one that resonates with you?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: So yes.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: So in Hawaii, luckily, we were fortunate enough.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: We went to one um church, and uh we the movers that moved us in was like, go to this church, it's a good church.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um so we went, it's kind of lucky, right?
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um so luckily the kids they we picked them up and like we love it, like and they were just so welcoming.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_02: We usually feel it, yeah.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I can I can believe that, yeah.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: Because I know when we were in Kentucky, like we jumped from church to church and we just could not find it.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's kind of like where we just started to lose faith.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: And we not to say we had issues, but I think that's where temptation came, and it was just not that grounded.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: I could see that.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like uh I grew up Catholic and I was very like no offense to Catholics, whatever, but I was in the time where all of the pedophiles were being found out, like all I went to Catholic school, and it was just very much not an in outside of the education piece, it wasn't like a place that you would grow your faith.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was very like you believe this, there's no questioning, there's no any of that.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it kind of like made me very much like not want to find God that way.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so I can kind of resonate with your husband in that where it's like I can find him in different places.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I've heard people say, I can find, you know, God in in wildlife or on the top of a mountain, and I truly feel God will find you where you meet.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Need to be and kind of bring you, yeah, closer.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I I started going to church um before uh Abby's dad died.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: We went together and he he kind of went because you know I wanted to go, but he wasn't really a big fan of that.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then when he passed away, Abby and I went, and we were going to one of those huge mega churches, and it was great out like in like feeling and all that, but there wasn't like a lot of substance, you know.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: You walk away and you feel like okay, that was great, but it wasn't I wasn't feeling like what did it say, called, you know.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: And um, then when I met Hayden, he was he was raised Christian and went to the same church.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: He's from a town of like very few people, like under 1,500 people, so is where he grew up.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um, they all went to the same church and he was very faith-based, but also when we first met, we weren't going to church, right?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it it was something that he said, like we should start going back.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: I would I would love these like options of churches, but I just didn't find one to that's why I asked that question, is like that just spoke to me.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: So when he started suggesting, like the man, again, the man's the leader of that the household in that way, right?
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he made that suggestion.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: We started trying all these different churches, and it it was like the one that I liked, he was like, oh, didn't really like resonate with me.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: The one that he liked, I was definitely not a fan of.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't walk away feeling anything other than like what did I get out of that?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: It was like a waste, you know, and I feel like finding the right one's so important.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then eventually he was like, we should try this, like it's the eansiest, teensiest little church.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: I took Abby with me one time.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like 30 people, maybe, and it's this tiny little church, but it I just felt so different there, you know, and they don't have all these like crazy programs and all this stuff and the production value that some of these churches went to have.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: I I went to one one time and I was like, I feel like I'm in a movie theater with like ads, and yeah, and it was just like it was so much production that I felt like the message was watered down.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so when we found this one, it was just it felt right.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Every one of us walked away going, like that feels different.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the programs are less important because Abby, my daughter, doesn't necessarily want to go to the kids' group.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: She likes to sit in the the service, so that they have one, but it's not as big as some of these other ones, and it just felt right, and it was somebody that he knew because his brother and his wife went there, and um, and you know, it's like small enough that of course you know everybody, and the last Sunday of the month, they just do a big breakfast where everybody just sits and eats and chats, and it's like a whole different type of community, and I felt like that was so it just felt right.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I walk out of the services and I know he spoke to me there.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know what I need to do.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: I've gotten work advice from it, I've gotten life advice from it.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: There's a moment where we are struggling with with dealing with a problem that we had, and the sermon spoke to it, the Bible verse he opened when we sat there before service started was spoke to it.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: Was just like just so many things that just align.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not a believer of like coincidence.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think everything happens for a reason.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and I feel like God speaks to you through music or connection or a person or whatever, and it was just all so aligned.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like I feel like it just felt so right, and and he definitely is the person that like leads the house from that perspective.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: But when we started going to church, it changed the feeling of together.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: It started changing the feeling of like the way the family was.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the the times when we've been able to bring his son who we share share, um, because sometimes we don't have him on Sundays, has even been better because we got to bring all four of us there, which is so like it's a whole different feeling to have everybody there, you know.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I get why you say, like, I want you to come with me, even if it doesn't resonate with you, like it eventually will, or he'll find a way to get to you.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: And he has, like, I think he's always had a strong relationship with God and church and everything.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: So I think because of his grandparents, so for him, I feel like it has built that relationship stronger.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I've seen it because he's changed for the better.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_02: Not that he was bad, but sure, you know, you evolve.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think the one thing that I observed from you guys, you've always been very like family-oriented.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I think for from what I've noticed, you have this, and you're the same way.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think you guys share this commonality.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm another one.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: I keep to myself, I like to treat and I like to be more intimate and small.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: You guys need to have a sense of community.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember when we um went to visit you in Seattle, you guys were stationed over there in in Washington State.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think from then on forward, we've seen a different, or I've gotten to see a different version of you every time that we have an opportunity to meet you, but I've also seen a very different version of Edgar.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I think as he's gotten older, he's more like I wouldn't say wiser.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: Not wiser, like he's like like older, but he's more like before he I think the focus was more on like um the material things, and now it's more on like the quality time and the family time, and like the quality of the conversation with the kids, and like how do we do things, and I see that, and I think um Josh and I really look up to you and Edgar.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think the one thing that we have to recognize that sometimes we forget is that military families sacrifice a lot.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I have seen you with your two kids traveling, making things happen, um, putting together events, parties, whatever it is, you will do it for the kids.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like it doesn't matter what it is, you will find a way to get it done.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: If you're tired, if you had to do work, like I always respect that of you.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it's so nice to see that.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, Edgar's still traveling a lot, right?
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: But I think when he comes home, you guys get to have that more intimate family time, and I'm happy that the church brings that for you, that community um that you guys can rely on because Kate's the same way.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: I visited her church, and I think you and Hayden like that.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: I like how small I like how small it is.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, because I I think and I think a lot of people like those big churches because you can get lost in them, you know, and I think it works for some people, and I've liked like there's one in town that that I would be my preference to go to because I love the pastor, he's phenomenal.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: He does this like weird head shaking thing and it just like resonates.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, he just has this vibe to him, but at the same point, like Hayden's very much more Bible-based, like he wants to like go through scripture and he wants the the sermon, and that was kind of the debate between the multiple churches we were going to, and we the little one we found both of those things, and he knows all the people because his brother went there, so it's like it's been a part where we are able to like connect and he wants to like you know invite some to play golf and let's go, you know.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I I'm I'm not like the best socially of like being a joiner in some of those cases, but he very much is like that big inviter, and that and that happens, social butterfly, very and I would say I'm like a little bit of both, but he's much more social than I am.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's interesting because you're so outgoing.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm outgoing and then I'm very like to a certain degree, yes, yeah.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm by myself, I'm very in in in myself, you know.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, like once that happens.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: But it random weird story that I think is important.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why it came up, but my grandma she um was didn't go to church with um, I feel like she's the most faith-based person I've ever met.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think God only answered every prayer that she's ever made because she was just the sweetest lady ever.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: But she um started going to church with her neighbor when she was a little kid because her parents didn't go, so her neighbor took her and they baptized her, and I think it was like a Lutheran church.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then that neighbor moved, so she started going with a different friend, and that was like a Presbyterian church, and then they baptized her because so she was baptized twice, and then when she met my grandpa, who was Catholic, the Catholics were like, We're gonna make sure it's done right, and they baptized her a third time.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: So she the only person I've ever met that was baptized three different times by three different churches, and I think that's just like an example of like why she was so like sweet and wonderful and why God liked her so much.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, but I've never heard that before.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, Yeah, I was baptized three times, and I'm like, What?
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it was weird because I've been baptized twice by choice.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I think is that like a baby and then an adult, or no, as an adult by choice, and I think it's based off your season of life, sure, because you know, we're in different points of our life and going through different things, and I think getting baptized kind of reconnects you to God, like a refresh.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, so that's why I've done it twice because I when I feel like I'm drifting away and I come back and I'm like, okay, I'm back in.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let's cleanse it and purify it and do it again.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't think she did it by choice, so that's an interesting component of that.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you too, twice.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: No, well, mine was a baby, like Catholic and then Christian.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I've only been baptized as a baby.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, yeah, it seems fine, you know.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but maybe not.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: No, maybe I need to ask.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm looking like, should I have not been baptized twice?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I just don't she never did it because she wanted to.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: It was like these people that she went with that like did it, you know.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_01: So a friend used to call it that you're getting kissed by God.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's kind of cute.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: Was it like um, because the Catholics do the little baby and they just drizzle the water over your head?
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: Did you do like the fully submerged one?
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: How was that?
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: It was scary, but I think meaningful.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think it's very symbolic.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like you come out a different person, like cleansed.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: My dad really wanted me to baptize Abby, and I was half struggling because of the the Catholic component at that time period.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: And he went through this whole thing about like, like sat me down, and he was like, Okay, he said, There's two ways this could go, right?
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm right or I'm wrong.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, and if I'm right, then you baptize your daughter and you you saved her soul.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm wrong, you've just made an old man happy.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, that's like a great way to say it, you know.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: But um, but that was how he got me to do it.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think she would probably choose now to do it in it like her own way.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've thought about that.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like my m my nephew did it his he chose at like I think 13 or 14, he was like, I'd like to get baptized, and we were there for it, and it was very like a beautiful and emotional, but also like a choice, right?
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I've never I'm maybe I should do that.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_02: I know our church, um, when we were in Washington, because that's when I got baptized, um wouldn't baptize the kids because the kids want to get baptized, but they wanted them to be old enough to choose.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_02: And they're like, they're not old enough because they don't understand the meaning.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_02: So, of course, like I told the kids and they're a little heartbroken, but when we got to Hawaii, like I think that's when kind of like pushed them to like get into their Bible.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so they got baptized, and by their choice, though, by their choice, and then we had my two stepkids come with us, so they all got baptized because they didn't grow up in a church, so it was kind of like like a nice little family moment.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of cool.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the I think the faith part has changed our relationship heavily because they're especially with the being laid off earlier in the year, and then there's so much fear, like about, and I've told you so much about this, but I have like so much fear about like, did I make the right decision?
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: I've thought a million times, like, what the fuck am I doing?
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, a million times I've thought that.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: Trusting God.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's like a big thing too of like being able to trust that, like that's probably big for you too, like traveling all over, having to move to different places, not having family with you.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: There's gotta be a lot of trust that you put in him.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and we have to constantly work on that trust.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, especially like because you say, like, we're traveling, he's in one state, I'm in one state, we've had to live three apart for three years.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's hard, probably.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_02: And then he had to move for a year, so it's it's been hard.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: And it's kind of like building that trust over and over again constantly.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_02: Communication has been big and just reassuring each other.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: How do you maintain the connection if you're away from each other that often and for those long periods of time?
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_02: So the first three years that we were apart, it was easy because we didn't have kids, sure.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_02: So it was just one ticket to go visit each other, and then I had a good um supervisor that would allow me four days at a time to go to Washington.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_02: I was living in San Diego.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um the last time I was in Virginia and he was in El Paso, so it was a little bit more difficult.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's a far away.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, there are different time zones.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so we constantly have had to make that effort where if he's available, I have to stop what I'm doing and give him my undivided attention.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_02: Vice versa.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think what kind of makes it a little bit difficult is when he's across the sea, and a whole different it's a whole different day for him where it makes it a little bit more difficult because his time is when I'm getting dinner ready, when I'm taking the kids, so it makes it very difficult to like sit down and have that communication.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um so it's constantly just a work in progress all the time.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_02: And like a practice, yes.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: How long have you been married?
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: We will hit 17 years next month.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: Congratulations.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: What you said that like sparked me was that when he has the time, I need to make myself available.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's very true for your distance, you know, the physical distance, but I think it's also so important when you're in the same place, like like just pausing when that other person needs you the most, or like there's something going on.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's not I'm just gonna doom scroll on my phone all night.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's that okay, that I need to have that intentional interaction because we have this chance to do so.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: I I love that.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's such a good point.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and we can we constantly have made it a promise and effort to continue to date each other because we obviously that's why we fell in love.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_02: We dated each other.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_02: Usually, like after kids, after marriage for so long, you kind of just distance grow.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_02: Or you could just get comfortable and you become roommates, and you just became it's like more of a routine than anything else.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so we continued to go on dates, which in terms the kids see it and they'll be like, Mom, when are you going on a date with dad?
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_02: Because they want us to see that bond and that connection that we continue to build and have.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_02: So it's nice because it shows them what to expect in a partner when they get older, which is so important.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was that was gonna be my next thing that I said is that you're illustrating to them what their worth is and what they shouldn't settle for, you know, anything less than what dad's delivered, you know.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: But I think we also have well, at least for myself, I think I have examples of family members who have not taken that time to date, and now that the like empty nesters, or like when the kids are older, and you kind of that disconnect almost is so obvious, everybody sees it, but then they don't.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um so I think having how however you want to date or whatever you know alone time you have with your partner that you want to spend, that that's very crucial.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think one non-negotiable for me and Josh is that once a year we will always have a family trip, but we will always have an alone trip.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just him and I, whether it's a staycation, whether we travel.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we're very blessed and fortunate that we do have dates here and and we can do that, but we like to completely disconnect.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, make sure that we are each other's priority, and I think those are probably the trips like our our kids one day will watch this.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_01: That we enjoy the most.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, we have the most fun, we have the best memory.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, because you get to be like young and free and you again.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's really important.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: I also think like you made me feel like um there's like a lot of gratitude to be said for just being able to be in the same place with each other, right?
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're having to pre-plan and do a whole lot different than that.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I Hayden's schedule sucks.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: His work schedule's absolutely the worst, like no weekends, he's off late at night, but at the same point, we're able to plan other things that we can do on the days that we do have together.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_00: They may be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays, but there's still like time that we can intentionally put together.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's important in the in the dating piece.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're right though, when you say like there's these people that you watch and you can just see this distance growing, like the awkwardness, yes, or and then they don't know each other anymore.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's like all it's become is like you said it too, the routine that people are in.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we got the kids here, we got the and you forget that that you're a couple, right?
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I've I've been married before, and I've been in that situation, and while the relationship with Abby's dad was not good, it fell apart years before it ended, years, years, years before he passed away, just because of that distance, because the investment and other things, right?
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like there was his addictions and his issues that he was dealing with, and I probably pulled back.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: But thinking about it now, with Hayden having a son and me having a daughter and us meeting with kids, there's never been a time we haven't had kids.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: So to us, it's different because it's like we still have to make that time because no matter what, there's there's always gonna be the kids there, you know, and I think that's almost like helped because there's not been a time or you can't go away from it, you know.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_01: So assume you will.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: Well, like school and like date dates, yeah.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: So we're looking forward to the most.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: So, like for us, we'll have um days off, and they're called danzas in the military.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_02: So, usually before federal holiday, we'll have the Friday off or the Monday off.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_02: So we use those as day dates, and we'll drop off the kids at school and we'll go do something fun.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_02: Do something fun, we don't have to worry about work, anything, especially because we're away from family, so we can't just throw the kids with grandparents.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: And finding someone to watch your kids with, especially traveling and being in new states, that's hard.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: And people are weird, so they are.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: I guess what has been the most memorable date?
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think most recently we went to a concert, and it was we had just come back from a trip with both kids, and I had this these tickets bought for like eight months, and I I bought them and I forgot where where we were at and what section and all that, because I don't pay attention to that.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this I have like I almost have like stacks of concert tickets usually, and um and I just like they come up and I'm like, Oh, we have these tickets.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but we went to this concert, just him and I, and it was like bands.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is another like age gap thing, but like bands that I knew in high school, and hit his brother, who is my same age or a little like a year younger than me, his oldest brother was his music.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: So he grew up because his older brother liked this music, he heard it all, but it was like the most fun time.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I was screaming, I was yelling, I was dancing, I was jumping, it was like pop punk kind of vibes.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: And this girl behind me couldn't have been more than 21, maybe, and she was like, You're giving me life right now, and I'm like, I'm 20 years older than you, and I'm like getting it, and you're not, you know.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: It was so fun, but I I would say that was like the most recent, most memorable one for sure.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's cool.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I love live music, anything live, I don't care what it is.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: What about you?
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'm trying to think because we have we haven't had one.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_02: I think we're due for one.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think it's just we're big foodies.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_02: I love food.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: So we'll especially on Hawaii, we'll find a local pub or restaurant that we'll just go try and just enjoy each other's company.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_02: We don't like big crowds just because it doesn't allow that big quality time with each other.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_02: So um just like us alone, I think it was like the most best time that we can have.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that makes sense.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think for us, and I still think about this trip till this day, um it was the cruise.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: The cruise.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_01: That was I hear about this cruise all the time.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um it came at a very interesting point in my life because I was laid off.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um we had just had literally within that um same week, um, I had a close death in a family.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_01: And um I think it really but it was also his birthday week um for her husband too, because he joined us.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um but we probably had we had no service, like a it was a true disconnect.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: No service.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we were exploring, we were having fun.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's probably the most I've drank.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um you did not drink.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I did.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't really she had one drink, and she's like, okay, I'm though.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I'm gonna cheat.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: She is a very lightweight, you can tell because we're making it through, and you're actually doing really well today.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: So good job.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's really fun, and then second closest to that, I really love DC.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like we love DC.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: Scooters around, we were um the restaurant.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_00: We weren't the ride separate scooters.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, we were together.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_00: I ride the same thing too.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we went to um we went to Seattle one time and it was like a really quick trip because had one tickets to a NFL game, and his brother one of his brothers lived there, and I was like, let's go.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, We can't go, and I'm like, we can go.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think we were off the plane for 18 hours.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, landed, just lived it up.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: But we were on this scooter, and I don't have balance.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I was I ride in the front and he rides a scooter.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: And Seattle's like this, right?
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_00: All hills.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: So we were going to this like little bar that his brother had told us about, and we're riding this scooter, and it was this like crazy hill.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: He hits this pothole, the both of us bleh, and I'm like, oh my god, like this is horrible.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's this horribly steep, like San Francisco-like hill.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I just remember screaming at the top of my lungs, we have children, we're gonna die.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, I gotcha, and we were fine, but at the same point, very memorable.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_00: Scooters are so it was fun.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we did.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_00: They're so fun.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: Where was your cruise to?
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: Mexico.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: Mexico.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: How long was it?
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_00: It was a week.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_00: It was seven days.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like that's a good one.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: He and I did one, but it was like five days, and I think that was fine.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: I won a ton of money at the casino.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what was going on.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I was calling numbers on roulette.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I like seriously could walk up, pick the number, and it would hit the number.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: I do not know what was happening.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_00: We won so much money on that cruise that way.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_00: That was crazy.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's cool.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then he keeps taking me to the casino and I can't replicate it.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, let's hear it again.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: What number was it?
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: Pick the number.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_00: But like one time we were at the roulette table on the cruise ship, and he was like, What number?
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I had had I'd done it like five times before that.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I don't know, like I have to go to the bathroom.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, just pick a number.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, nine.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then I walked away.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_00: And when I came back, everybody at the table was like, She seemed confident, and they had all put it on his and everybody won.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_00: And they were like, bring her back.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on?
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh yay, I'm happy everybody won.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, that was crazy.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: I love trips though.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: I like the solo trips.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a big traveler.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know this.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: I like to travel.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I spend my money on.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: I like food.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not like a purse person or a whatever.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_00: I want experiences.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: I want memories.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_00: I want to go places.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_00: And he didn't travel heavily before I met him.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm like, like recently we got back from three trips in a row.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, do not take me again on another trip.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_00: I need like some at-home time.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, just Jones in, like to go again, you know?
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, just cute.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes it's like pack this stuff from this luggage into that luggage and then move on.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I just love it so much.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: But now he's getting used to it, so he's gonna have to.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, that was fun.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_00: I like trips.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_00: I love trips too.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: So unfortunately, my husband travels a lot, so he doesn't like them as much.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_02: No, but he sacrifices for me.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_02: I guess I'll go to Mexico.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_02: He'll be like, I guess.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_02: For my birthday.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: That's good though.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because we'll be going to Maui when I in two weeks.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, hey, I'll put this a trip.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, okay.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: I like that you do it and don't tell him until after.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: I need to start doing that.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, it's happening.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: But his family all lives um in Texas.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_00: So both I try to go there as much as possible so he can see them.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_00: But Texas is big.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: So huge.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_00: And even driving from here to where his family lives, it's six hours.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that's like right like close to the border.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it's if we were to go like Dallas or anywhere else, it's like 10, 11, 12 hours, so we'd have to fly.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: But they live close to not close, close, but close enough.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_02: Driving distance.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we've driven it enough where I know where like all of the gas stations are.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_00: There's this cute little town.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um oh my god, it's called Sudan, Texas.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_00: And they have the cutest little downtown for Christmas.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's all like every light pole is decorated with a different, like light up Christmas thing.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it is just the cutest little town.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_00: And every time, because we go for Christmas or Thanksgiving, it's always like decorated for that.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_00: And he'll like slow down and take me down the road so I can see all of it.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I love this little town.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's so cute.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then I always remember because I'm like, Sudan sounds like somewhere not in America, and that's how I remember the name.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to Sudan, Texas.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: Alright.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I guess I'll take us to our next topic before our rapid fire questions.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_01: Spicy incident that happened this week.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I'd call it spicy.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_00: It was spicy because I would call it conflict.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_01: This is the first time that that 48-hour rule has been broken.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna- We said it in episode, I don't know which episode it was, where we talked about how I was like, I was like, he's never like he does the 48-hour rule and never comes back with something that he wants to discuss or talk about.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_01: But I was leaving, I was leaving work and I was driving, and I was really h I was actually um going over our podcast because I don't like to listen to myself, so I just it made sense to listen to it while I was coming home, and there was a lot of traffic.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_01: And it was also raining that day.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been raining like crazy.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: It has been raining like crazy.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I like to pay attention to the road because one time I got on an accident.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um and when it's raining, I I probably get a little bit more nervous.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm driving, I'm driving.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: Halfway through my drive home, I start feeling like a thump, thump, and I was like, Oh my gosh.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_01: Mind you, before I got in my car, it's a push start.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_01: It it had I had to do it twice for it to turn on.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, Great, like what's going on?
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, God, you just gave me a better job.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm gonna have a bigger car payment.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like, please don't.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I called.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_01: I was worried.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_01: I was worried, I was panicking.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, please don't, please don't take that the little bit of money that I'm having.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um it's not a little bit of money.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but nonetheless, I call him and I'm like, hey, do you hear the big thump?
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_01: And he goes, Yeah, what's going on?
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, it's my car, I'm in the highway, I'm gonna pull over, I'm gonna get off.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, never drive on a rim, by the way.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_00: My cousin owns a tire store, you will really fuck your life up.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_01: I had no clue.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_01: So it was just the thump, right?
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, I'm gonna get off.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I I got off on the very first exit.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, I have your location, I'll be right there.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Okay, perfect.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_01: Mind you, this is like busy hour.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody's trying to go home.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_01: Rush hour.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it's rush hour.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody's trying to go home.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_01: So keep that in mind.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_01: I pull over and I go on the highway.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_01: No, I I get out of the exit, I pull over, and I find this like empty parking lot for a business.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um and it's a lot of driving on a rim.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sitting there, and then just saying I do chat GBT.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, hey, this is my car.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_01: The the push start didn't work, and then it asks, What kind of thumping was it doing?
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_01: So then I'm like option five.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_01: Option five is the thumping that I felt.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: Did it how is it?
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_00: Did it give you sound?
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_01: No, but it broke them out, and I was like, it was that thumping.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_01: So then it says, make sure you check your tires.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, okay, so I get out of my car and I look, sure enough, I had a it wasn't even a flat, like my tire, like this was on me because I knew better and I needed to go get tires, but I was just I can make a good suggestion for you.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_01: I was just I was keeping a pushing, right?
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_01: And it just freaking popped completely, entirely.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_01: It popped my tire.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_01: And um so I'm sitting there and I was so I call him and I'm like, hey, it's actually the tire.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Don't worry, I'm gonna take the jack, I'll be right there.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_01: We don't live that far.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_01: This happens right here, maybe with no traffic five minutes away.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, with traffic 15, maybe 20 minutes, and it starts sprinkling.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh my gosh, he's gonna have to change the tire in the rain.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's like it's like out of a rom-com.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_00: He's gonna come rescue you in the well.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, what can I do to help speed up the process, right?
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_01: So that when because if we're not that far, I'm like, he'll be right here.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I I good thing I did.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_01: You have to like I had to figure out how to take the tire out, how to take the stuff out, and I just put the tire on the side of the like where the other tire is at.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_01: I just put it right there.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_00: You took the tire off yourself?
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, the the the spare.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I took the yeah, I think.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: Was it a donut or a full size?
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it was a donut.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I put it to the side and I was like, hopefully, like that helped speed up the process a little bit.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_01: And he's gonna be here and I check his location and he was super close, and somebody pulls by and they're like, Um, do you need any help?
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, No, thank you.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_01: My husband's on his way.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and he's like, Well, it's gonna start raining.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want me to kind of get it started for him?
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because he's gonna have to change it in the rain.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Well, I guess.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_01: And he starts and he proceeds to change the tire.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_01: Well, those anticipated five minutes turn into 15-20 minutes, and by the time um Josh gets there, it's pouring.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's pouring.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm there with a little umbrella, like covering myself.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to cover the guy, yeah.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and we're just standing there, and he walks up to me and he goes, Get in the car, I'll take care of it.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because he pulled up with the girls, and I said, Okay, so I get in the car, and I'm like, he doesn't want me to get wet, right?
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's what I'm thinking.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_01: So consider it.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_01: So he's like, Okay.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_01: My hair.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_01: My hair.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_01: And um, so probably less than five minutes, the guy finishes it.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_01: He was pretty much already done with the tire.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_01: So less than five minutes, he gets it done.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then I call him and I'm like, Hey, do you want me to follow you home?
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know, the other the other tire is a little bald.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, could happen to that one.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, No, I'm kind of a little bit upset.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it's okay, I'll get there, I'll get fine.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I still follow him.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_01: I take the girls to practice, and I come back home and I'm like, Why are you upset?
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, Well, why did you even call me if you were gonna have somebody else fix it?
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh, I was like, that's not what happened.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, he offered, I let him know that you were on his way, and he insisted because it was raining and it did pour afterwards.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_00: And he was He was thinking of you, you know?
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_01: No, I was thinking of him.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_01: He was so was he, yes.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh my gosh, thank you.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I called my mom.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Mom, am I wrong?
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, Well, no, like it was an emergency, and somebody pulled over and helped you, which was really nice and kind.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, I don't think that you I don't think that he should be upset that somebody else changed.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_00: But what was he upset about?
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like somebody else changed it.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was some but there was like a reason behind that.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like he's your husband.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let me tell you, right?
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_01: So then this happens.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_01: So then I call my mother-in-law, and Helen happens to be visiting.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I asked them, and I'm like, Which we're happy you're here.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Did I do something wrong?
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_01: And they're both like, no, like, like there's no ill intention in that and this and that.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_01: And my father-in-law was like, Oh, a guy is never gonna pull over for a girl with just because and I was like, Well, you would hope somebody helps them.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't I never asked for the help, he offered the help.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, It'd be weird if he had like a sign of road sign, like he was yelling me, and like it was all these things that I was thinking about, and it was late at night.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_01: I could tell he was visibly upset, and he never says anything.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I was advanced.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_01: He has his 48-hour rule.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_01: He has his 48-hour rule, but then he started making comments of like maybe a girl can help me with food, like, you know, if somebody offers me help, I'm not gonna say no.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm gonna go ask for help.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm gonna So I knew that it bothered him, and I didn't say anything.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_01: I we I was getting ready to go to bed.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_01: I had gotten off the phone with them, and he looks over and he goes, Can I really tell you why it bothered me?
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Why?
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_01: What happened?
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_01: And he goes, This you have never had a flat tire.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I was really excited to be to go and change your tire.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_01: Be his knight in shining armor.
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, he goes, I'm your husband, and I was looking forward to doing that to you.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_02: Saving you, yes.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, and when somebody was there, he goes, That kind of hurt.
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I know you didn't do it with an ill intention, but it kind of took away my opportunity to like save you to help you, yeah, to save you.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was like, Aww, I'll pop the other one.
• 55:53
  unknown: Oh my god.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_01: But what do we think?
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, do would you accept the help of somebody else if you were on the side of the road?
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_01: Tires hot, well, I was maybe car trouble.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_01: What do we think?
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was at Target the other day when you text me this situation, and I talked to Hayden about it, and he has like a completely different opinion.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because I I think first off, like I have a close relationship with tires because my cousin and he owns this shop.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so it sounds weird.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds so weird, but like I've run into curbs, I have popped tire after tire, like I've had so so many tire issues that they were just like, okay, Kate, bring it in, we'll fix it.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's so many times.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, I do have people to fix that, right?
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I could get it done, it wouldn't be a thing.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm not, I know how to change a tire myself, but I'm not gonna be like pull over on the side of the road in the rain and then get the jack out.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not like I have the floor jack, you know, where I can be like he had to crank one, right?
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, um, anyway, so we were talking about it, and he was like, I don't think I'd be upset because somebody else changed your tire.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I'd show up and not have to be in the rain, and I'd be like, hell yeah, somebody else did it, right?
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_00: But he was like, the thing I would be the most upset about is the safety of you, your safety having gotten out of the car or engaged with a person that you don't know, especially in the rain.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, that's my problem.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_00: What did Edgar say?
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_02: That's exactly what Edgar he's like, I'd be kind of upset at you because you don't know how to change a tire yourself.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_02: But I would be more of concern for your safety because there's so many creeps out there and you don't know what you're gonna be dealing with.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, so I'd be more upset that you put yourself in a situation that can harm you.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_02: Not so much of them helping you and me not helping you, but so much that something could happen to you.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_00: Same, same.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, and he's all show up and I don't have to change it, which is wonderful, but I'd be worried, you know, and I think that that so that was very interesting.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, completely different.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_00: But you have your husband who wants to be this knight in shining, shining armor, and show up and change your tire, which is so sweet and wonderful.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think I was a little taken back because it's I think we've been together for so long, and and we you and I have kind of talked about this of like the need to impress your partner.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_01: I don't feel the need to impress my husband.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I love my husband and we love our alone time, but I don't feel the need to like impress him per se.
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it was, or maybe I haven't thought about it in so many years.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_02: But I think because you're so independent.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, so because you're so independent and you don't need anyone, I think Josh took it as he wants to feel well because you called him and you needed him at that moment.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I know for me, I know I need Edgar for everything.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'll call him for problems, like really.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm constantly calling him, asking him.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_02: So he's constantly feeling needed and wanted.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't think where for you, you're always solving problems yourself.
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_00: I call my man to like ask questions that I could Google just because I'm like, you already know the answer, so why would I Google it?
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you are my Google, yeah.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, are you gonna chat GPT this?
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_00: And he'll always have some good answer, right?
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say the same thing, right?
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, very much you feel like always needed, not necessarily like this one time, like I'm gonna be able to come in and save you.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_00: It makes sense.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I I and I thought that was like because I didn't like I don't feel that I don't know.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was Did you have to apologize or how did it end?
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_01: No, I I did.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, hey, I'm sorry, like that wasn't my intention, of course.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, I don't he's like, I didn't take it as that.
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_01: I just my opportunity to the bald tire wish, you know.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have another spare.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're not driving on the donut, are you?
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_01: No, we got him replaced.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_01: He so he took it the next day.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_01: He took it to the I drove his house.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_01: Where did he take it to?
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_01: Costco.
• 59:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not her not her cousin.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, take it to my cousin.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, I I best in town.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's I that was I thought that was cute, really cute.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's a very interesting situation too, because I was like, I wonder if he'd be mad about that.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_00: No, it was very different.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_00: You thought he would be.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_00: I thought he would be.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_01: He was not, and I now I'm thinking, because I that is very true.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't feel the need to impress, but I am very independent, significantly independent.
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_01: I think too.
• 1:00:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm also very independent, and I have a very hard time.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about this asking for help.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'll just do it myself.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that ends at like tire changing in the rain, you know?
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_00: I also don't like to be wet.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't want to be out there in the wet, like like soaking.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a fan of that.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_00: I did golf in the rain recently.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's not fun.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not fun.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, I don't think you're gonna want to go.
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then when we're getting ready, he was like, Oh, sometimes they don't let you have carts and you have to have a push cart.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Are you kidding me?
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, We'll find out when we get there.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I'm not gonna know they had carts, thank God.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_01: She just had her most recent golf experience.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm official golfer?
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't as bad.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I like it.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_02: I even told Edgar, and I was like, golfing's not bad.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we have to try it.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, I'm not into it.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, just try it.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I wasn't into it.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I actually had fun.
• 1:01:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's a whole thing.
• 1:01:15
  SPEAKER_01: When we go, we have a lot of fun.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, because the men are not there to well, because they give you advice, and that's fine.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_00: And and wonderful.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think that we also get very competitive, and by we I mean they do.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_00: And they we just want to have a delightful time.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, she's competitive.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_00: She talks so much shit the whole time.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I also feel like I'm not gonna ruin it by talking shit because then what if like we back it up?
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_00: So how many times have I won compared to you?
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_00: No, every time but once.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so Josh is carrying you.
• 1:01:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm just saying.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_00: Just saying.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you need them there.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_00: I know I need to do them.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_00: Rapid fire questions for us as we wrap this up.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is a joint social media account cute or an immediate red flag?
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, red flag.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_00: When you see like uh his and hers social media with their names together.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_00: So Edgar and I started.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_02: Don't give your opinion before she says okay.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_02: Started as a joint and we've migrated to separate.
• 1:02:17
  SPEAKER_02: Why'd you start as a joint?
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was I'm younger, so I'm more into the social media, and he did not have one at the time.
• 1:02:25
  SPEAKER_02: But I was like, just add come on to my account.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think there was just a lot of people that he's like, I don't know who these people are, they're your friends.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_02: So we separated accounts.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_02: Now he's the social media, and I just like to doom scroll on social media.
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_00: But but if you see somebody that's like, I'm gonna make it up, like Joanne and Jay in, you know, in media kick.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, kind of issues.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like there's something happened.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why would we all be together on one with both our names?
• 1:02:56
  SPEAKER_01: Is it safe for me to send this?
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's weird because your Instagram isn't your Instagram, your Instagram is Josh's business Instagram.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I send her messages on Instagram that I'm sure he sees all the time and he's like, what are you doing?
• 1:03:10
  SPEAKER_00: And anyway, now I don't use Instagram.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know now I text them to you if I want to send you Snapchatch.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_00: Does Snapchat mean?
• 1:03:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I who Snapchats?
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_00: See?
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's an age thing.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like Snapchat.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_00: I also think it's just for dirty pictures.
• 1:03:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think so because Edgar likes Snapchat.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_02: Edgar snaps everything.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like he does it social other things.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_02: No, or is it social?
• 1:03:30
  SPEAKER_02: He likes it all.
• 1:03:31
  SPEAKER_02: He likes it all.
• 1:03:33
  SPEAKER_02: So he does Snap so his kids can see it.
• 1:03:36
  SPEAKER_02: Because they're younger though.
• 1:03:37
  SPEAKER_02: They're younger.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_01: I do that for my parents.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_00: And on Snapchat?
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like post the pictures of the kids.
• 1:03:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like more, it's more family.
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, on Snapchat.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I do a lot of people.
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_00: You do have you do a lot on Snapchat, which I enjoy.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, here's my lunch.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_01: But then I feel like Instagram and TikTok are so similar.
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like you see the same videos, I just like to watch the videos, so I stay on TikTok.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_00: I only got on TikTok because I have the business and you made me.
• 1:04:01
  SPEAKER_01: But it's so fun.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's fine.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, is Facebook your favorite?
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, Instagram is my favorite.
• 1:04:09
  SPEAKER_00: I only have Facebook because I accidentally linked the two together and I made a post one day and I got all these weird comments on Instagram.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_00: I made a post and I got all these comments on Instagram, and it was like, people are liking your post on Facebook, and I was like, what the hell?
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so it like links it to you.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_00: I th I've thought I've deleted it a million times.
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_00: I I click on it and it goes, and everyone's like, Oh my gosh, I'm so happy to see you.
• 1:04:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's been so and I'm like, what it so then I was like, well, I can't not do it now because all these people see now.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_00: My aunts on there, like ever and there's like certain people, I think like both of Hayden's grandmas watch my videos on Facebook, so like I can't not, and they're so sweet, like so so sweet.
• 1:04:50
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't I couldn't ask for a better family because they're so inclusive of my daughter and their family.
• 1:04:57
  SPEAKER_01: Facebook, I I tend to feel like it's for older people.
• 1:05:01
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it's a lot of younger people too.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it's maybe a mix.
• 1:05:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I prefer the format of Instagram, but they all have kind of the same thing.
• 1:05:11
  SPEAKER_00: I just I just prefer the way that it looks, I guess.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_00: Snapchat just feels like a pi of an app that people just send nudes on.
• 1:05:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_00: So it has a bad sign.
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like, I mean, I never really used it.
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I have one now because I uh use it to filter my photos and stuff, but that's really much for the most part.
• 1:05:32
  SPEAKER_00: Is your partner allowed to have a work wife or work husband?
• 1:05:37
  SPEAKER_00: So this is a good one.
• 1:05:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh so yes, and I say yes in a certain to a certain degree.
• 1:05:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:05:48
  SPEAKER_02: So my husband's previous commanders were all females.
• 1:05:52
  SPEAKER_02: So my husband is in a leadership position, and there's two people in leadership position, so he's the male.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_02: Counterpart and then there's a female counterpart.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_02: So luckily the last or last three were dudes or lesbians?
• 1:06:09
  SPEAKER_02: Lesbians.
• 1:06:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:06:11
  SPEAKER_02: So I didn't have an issue.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, eh, whatever.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um, however, the one that just came out of the seat, she was not, but she had a partner.
• 1:06:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I think because of our trust issues, we built that relationship where I have to get to know that person and trust.
• 1:06:30
  SPEAKER_02: And he did have a deputy that I wasn't comfortable with, and I was like, uh, you know, you just have that feeling.
• 1:06:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:06:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like something weird's happening.
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_00: Or they have like some preconceived notion.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_00: So there's always that thing where you find like a guy, not me, obviously, but other people, where they see a guy and they're like, oh, well, he's in this relationship and they obviously like him, so he must be good.
• 1:06:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go after that guy.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_00: Where it's like, step back, bitch.
• 1:06:54
  SPEAKER_01: But do we almost feel like they act oblivious to it?
• 1:06:57
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know.
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think he'd know.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_01: I it's weird when they do it to us and they're like, Can you not tell that guy's coming on to you?
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, no, he's just being good.
• 1:07:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I I never see that though.
• 1:07:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've never I never have felt like I've been hit on ever.
• 1:07:11
  SPEAKER_02: See, and I I tell my husband that all the time.
• 1:07:13
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, How do you not get hit on?
• 1:07:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I don't get hit on.
• 1:07:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then he goes, Yeah, right.
• 1:07:18
  SPEAKER_02: All these guys, because being that military is more male dominant, there's always gonna be males, and I'm always working with males.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_02: And he goes, They don't hit on you?
• 1:07:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, no, like no one hits on me.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like So here's my theory.
• 1:07:31
  SPEAKER_01: My theory is that when you are married, but you are very focused on your marriage, it kind of deflects the men and it give it gives them a signal to not come after you because you're more likely to turn them away.
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_01: So they will not pursue you.
• 1:07:49
  SPEAKER_01: I also don't they will only pursue you when they feel like they have a chance, an option.
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so if they feel like they have a chance with you, they they would.
• 1:07:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not because I always used to question like, am I not pretty enough to hit on?
• 1:08:02
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, please hit on me.
• 1:08:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, let's come on.
• 1:08:04
  SPEAKER_00: I would like you to hit on me so I can decline you.
• 1:08:06
  SPEAKER_01: You would ask me, like, we went on a work trip, you got hit on a lot.
• 1:08:10
  SPEAKER_00: No, I didn't.
• 1:08:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you did.
• 1:08:11
  SPEAKER_01: When homeboy wanted to have spaghetti with you, like oh, that weird that was a weird trip.
• 1:08:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was also single at that time, so let's just say that for the the notes.
• 1:08:20
  SPEAKER_01: But and I was like, okay, like and and he would ask me all the same thing, like you have to get hit on, and I was like, I don't, like, I don't.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I talked to Erica, your sister, about it, and she's like, I feel like when men feel like they have a chance, they're more comfortable to be able to approach you.
• 1:08:37
  SPEAKER_01: When they don't have a chance, they won't do it.
• 1:08:40
  SPEAKER_01: So they have to go in knowing that they're gonna be able to do that.
• 1:08:42
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like this generation though, the men don't like hit on people in public because they're afraid of rejection.
• 1:08:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot of like that's why the dating apps are big.
• 1:08:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's because you can deal with rejection in your house, you know, where someone's like, whatever.
• 1:08:57
  SPEAKER_00: See them face to face.
• 1:08:58
  SPEAKER_00: Right, but people aren't gonna like go up to you in person, you know.
• 1:09:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe at maybe at a bar.
• 1:09:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like when we were on that work trip, it was like we're sitting at a bar, also she orders a steak.
• 1:09:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well done.
• 1:09:08
  SPEAKER_00: Ew.
• 1:09:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:09:09
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about that in a different way.
• 1:09:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's so fucking gross.
• 1:09:12
  SPEAKER_00: She ordered a wagyu.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well done.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_01: Blink blink.
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_01: It was blink well done.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_01: That was blank.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_01: It was not that.
• 1:09:19
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't part of the steak.
• 1:09:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was a wagyu.
• 1:09:21
  SPEAKER_01: Let's Google the menu.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even.
• 1:09:23
  SPEAKER_01: What do we get if I win?
• 1:09:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're wrong because I have made this steak.
• 1:09:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_00: I made this a mental note in my head that you ordered a wagyu at and and you said they were like, How do you want it done?
• 1:09:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you were like, Well done.
• 1:09:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember this fling.
• 1:09:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but still I went.
• 1:09:41
  SPEAKER_00: I remember that.
• 1:09:43
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're not.
• 1:09:44
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, okay, disagree with me.
• 1:09:45
  SPEAKER_03: But you're going to be.
• 1:09:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I do disagree with you.
• 1:09:48
  SPEAKER_02: So back to this topic, because I'm like, super.
• 1:09:51
  SPEAKER_02: I think for females it's different.
• 1:09:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think females will approach a married man knowing because they see the ring and they know my gosh, he's the same thing.
• 1:10:01
  SPEAKER_02: But I think they like the chase.
• 1:10:03
  SPEAKER_02: The chase.
• 1:10:04
  SPEAKER_02: I would agree with you.
• 1:10:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's why.
• 1:10:07
  SPEAKER_00: So does your both your husbands wear wedding rings?
• 1:10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
• 1:10:12
  SPEAKER_00: We're because we're not married, but when we talked about it, he was like, I don't want to wear a ring, I'm just gonna get it tattooed.
• 1:10:17
  SPEAKER_01: He lost our love.
• 1:10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Your love?
• 1:10:20
  SPEAKER_01: In the lake.
• 1:10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I gave him a lot of crap.
• 1:10:25
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, should I take mine off?
• 1:10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like I replayed, and then he's like, I lost it.
• 1:10:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, can I lose one?
• 1:10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh true.
• 1:10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Slightly vindictive.
• 1:10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:10:37
  SPEAKER_00: One of the questions that I really liked on here was like, how young is too young in an age gap?
• 1:10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, imagine that you're not in the relationship you're in now.
• 1:10:49
  SPEAKER_00: How much older or younger would you be willing to go?
• 1:10:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think it has to go with maturity.
• 1:10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like the person themselves.
• 1:10:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:10:59
  SPEAKER_02: Because if they are mature, 19-year-old, then okay.
• 1:11:05
  SPEAKER_02: But if they're a 50-year-old and they're super immature, then so I just think it's based off the individual.
• 1:11:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:11:16
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 1:11:17
  SPEAKER_00: There was this rule that this chick that we used to work with told me that it's like you take your own age, you divide by two, and you add seven.
• 1:11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know where she got it from, but that's the lowest you can go, is what she told me.
• 1:11:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, and so then of course I was like, oh my god, is that lower than was Hayden younger than like I need to figure that out?
• 1:11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I was still okay in that one.
• 1:11:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I I was like, I again I didn't think that I don't know that it would go that way.
• 1:11:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't really take that much.
• 1:11:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I would go into a relationship age-wise as being like the initial factor, you know?
• 1:11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like I think it's the person themselves, like the connection that you have with them.
• 1:11:57
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I mmm, this is interesting because you did go younger.
• 1:12:01
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I would go.
• 1:12:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm enjoying it, by the way.
• 1:12:04
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I would go younger.
• 1:12:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm happy with the man I have, but I no, but we're talking, we're not talking about like, oh no, I know.
• 1:12:12
  SPEAKER_01: I I think Okay hypothetically hypothetically speaking, I don't think I would go younger.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's like a whole new movement right now with like people my age, like millennials that are dating.
• 1:12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, he's still a millennial, you're still a millennial, but still like going younger.
• 1:12:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's like this whole thing.
• 1:12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I see it all the time on Instagram.
• 1:12:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, I'm gonna date this cougar.
• 1:12:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know what it is.
• 1:12:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, but a lot of times it's like, well, they're mature, they know what they want.
• 1:12:37
  SPEAKER_00: They're like from a younger man to an older woman standpoint.
• 1:12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, they're not drama, they're not causing all these problems, they know what they want and they're established.
• 1:12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, maybe.
• 1:12:48
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't think I could I don't know, I like it.
• 1:12:50
  SPEAKER_00: He's young and delightful.
• 1:12:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't know if it works, it works.
• 1:12:54
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:12:54
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, again, I didn't take it seriously at first, so I think I also Did you not take it seriously because of his age?
• 1:13:00
  SPEAKER_00: I I think it was because it was very like it wasn't serious, like we had an there was no conversation about like what this it would just kind of happened, right?
• 1:13:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it just was very like frivolous and and fun.
• 1:13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Meeting.
• 1:13:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 1:13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, in a nice way, you know, and and that was great.
• 1:13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I think it was wonderful that way, but I also think because of that, I was very much myself.
• 1:13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like I didn't, I wasn't trying to impress anybody, I wasn't trying to put on like a like a I'm gonna try to find me a man.
• 1:13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like it just wasn't like that.
• 1:13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was just very much myself, and so he got to see who I really was versus like a perception I created.
• 1:13:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's I I think that's why it worked.
• 1:13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because with the other ones, you were much more intentional.
• 1:13:47
  SPEAKER_01: It was it was very interesting, like how I think that's he, I don't know, he got to see like the true and you're very I wouldn't say careless, but carefree, is that the right word?
• 1:13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, he makes he makes me feel very much like I just get to trust and I like let go.
• 1:14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you know, and he takes care of everything, and you know, I went on dates and I I talked to different people, but it never was the same, you know.
• 1:14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then when him and I started getting more serious, it was like, oh, this is different, you know, and I was able to like I don't know, see something different, but I don't I think it was because I just didn't take it seriously in the beginning, so I just was like genuinely myself.
• 1:14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is a good one.
• 1:14:28
  SPEAKER_00: If they don't understand your child childhood TV references, is it a relationship deal breaker?
• 1:14:33
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't say just childhood TV because we're 10 years apart.
• 1:14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Music is different, movies are different, like the things that he watched as a kid I did not watch.
• 1:14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then one time I was thinking about, we were talking to my daughter about it, and she's 10 now, but she was nine at the time, and I was like, Imagine if you were in our situation, your husband wouldn't be born yet, and we were like all of us like mind blown, you know, because like all the time, like we're his brother had sent me a picture of him, and he was like, Oh, look at us in you know, 2012, and I was like, I was like at the bars in 2012, and he like he was in the sandbox, he was not at the bars in 2012, you know, and I was just like, ew, maybe that year's wrong, but it was definitely anyway.
• 1:15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Is that do you see that where he has memories that you don't where does it come up?
• 1:15:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, just in conversations, he'll make a reference, and I'm like, what?
• 1:15:30
  SPEAKER_02: What is that?
• 1:15:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like and I think that goes like when we were dating, I guess you could say he'll say like uh night at the rocks berry.
• 1:15:40
  SPEAKER_02: I had no idea.
• 1:15:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um I was like, let me go buy it and see what the hell he's talking about.
• 1:15:45
  SPEAKER_02: So it was just like that trying to get to his level to better understand it.
• 1:15:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's so cute.
• 1:15:52
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
• 1:15:53
  SPEAKER_00: I made him watch in uh Indiana Jones the other day.
• 1:15:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is the second reference on this podcast I've made to Indiana Jones, but we were talking about it, and he was like, What are you talking about?
• 1:16:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, How have you never seen Indiana Jones?
• 1:16:05
  SPEAKER_00: You've never seen it either, which is just such a travesty.
• 1:16:08
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, um, I made him watch it and I called my dad and was like, Hayden's never seen Indiana Jones.
• 1:16:15
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, Which one are you starting with?
• 1:16:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, We're starting with this one.
• 1:16:17
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, All right, call me when you're done.
• 1:16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it was too good.
• 1:16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Did he like it?
• 1:16:22
  SPEAKER_00: He did like it.
• 1:16:23
  SPEAKER_00: He did he the thing that irritates me about him is he can always tell where the plot's gonna go at the very beginning of the movie.
• 1:16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like he can read it, he's like, This is what's gonna happen, and then this person, and I'm like, how do you always know?
• 1:16:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and every time we're watching and he's like, and this is gonna happen, and it could be some movie where you're like, he'll never know, and he always knows.
• 1:16:44
  SPEAKER_00: What's worse?
• 1:16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Someone assuming that they're your sibling or your parent are asking how old they are.
• 1:16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Has that ever happened?
• 1:16:54
  SPEAKER_02: No, because he looks very young for him.
• 1:16:56
  SPEAKER_02: He does look young.
• 1:16:57
  SPEAKER_02: We we compared pictures, yes, yeah.
• 1:16:59
  SPEAKER_02: So, um, no, but when we are with the kids, I think it's kind of like with who like all of the kids.
• 1:17:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, like all the kids, or if because I refer to the kids, my kids.
• 1:17:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yeah, yeah.
• 1:17:13
  SPEAKER_02: And they're like, oh my god, how old were you when they had them?
• 1:17:16
  SPEAKER_02: And then you could see them trying to figure it out.
• 1:17:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and you're just like, they're my stepkids, but they're my kids.
• 1:17:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like I just look really young.
• 1:17:26
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:17:26
  SPEAKER_02: And they're just like, oh, and it's we went, my daughter went and got our nails done, because that's like what we do.
• 1:17:33
  SPEAKER_02: My stepdaughter, she lives with us, and the lady's like, Oh my god, how old is she?
• 1:17:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh, she's 20.
• 1:17:39
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, Oh my god, you're so young.
• 1:17:40
  SPEAKER_02: She doesn't look like you.
• 1:17:41
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, Yeah, I don't know where her dad is.
• 1:17:43
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I've like mess with people.
• 1:17:46
  SPEAKER_00: And she's just looked and she's like, Oh, okay.
• 1:17:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is weird.
• 1:17:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what to say.
• 1:17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, that's great.
• 1:17:53
  SPEAKER_00: I would love that.
• 1:17:54
  SPEAKER_00: My man wants to shave his beard, and I'm not gonna let him because then people would know for sure.
• 1:17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right now they don't know, but you can't tell.
• 1:18:01
  SPEAKER_01: No, I don't think so.
• 1:18:02
  SPEAKER_00: No, but if he shaved his beard, you would be able to tell.
• 1:18:04
  SPEAKER_00: His dad was like, Well, you got that beard on, you should shave that beard.
• 1:18:08
  SPEAKER_00: That wasn't his voice.
• 1:18:09
  SPEAKER_00: He's more southern than them.
• 1:18:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you so much, Helen, for joining us today.
• 1:18:13
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for our very first guest! Oh my god.
• 1:18:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited.
• 1:18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it was so good.
• 1:18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we had a lot of fun.
• 1:18:20
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening, learning a little bit more about our relationships and um my car situation.
• 1:18:26
  SPEAKER_01: So tell us in the comments what do you think your husband would say, or maybe how would he react?
• 1:18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Or are you in an age gap gap relationship?
• 1:18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, answer something.
• 1:18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Relationships older, younger, we want to hear it all.
• 1:18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:18:37
  SPEAKER_01: So leave your comments down below.
• 1:18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for joining us, and we'll see you on the next one.
• 1:18:42
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:18:43
  SPEAKER_02: Bye.