Latest / Internal Insights / Why Old Memories Feel Like They’re Happening Again
Transcript
- Ted Thao: Hey, I'm Ted Thao This is Internal Insights. I'm a licensed professional counselor, which means I spend most of my weeks listening closely to people work through the hardest parts of being alive. This podcast is where I take what I'm hearing without any names or identifying details and open it up into a conversation for anyone willing to think a little harder about themselves and the world around them. Have you ever been walking through a completely ordinary day when a smell, a song, or a certain tone of voice drops you right back into a moment from years ago, your heart is racing, and you can't explain why. Because on paper, that moment is over. Let's talk about ghosts. Especially when this episode airs. It's the day before Halloween. And I I'm not talking about the kind of you're in the sheets with eye holes type of ghosts, but the kind that haunts a house. Picture a house that used to be a loud, chaotic place. Something hard happened in every one room, and the people who lived there eventually left. But the room still holds the echo. Every time someone walks past a doorway, The light flickers and the air goes cold. The house isn't cursed, it's just holding on to something that never got a chance to settle. Your brain works a lot like that house. When something overwhelming happens, your alarm system goes off at full value, your body floods with stress, and your attention narrows to whatever feels most dangerous. In those moments, The brain doesn't store the memory the way it stores a normal Tuesday. It saves the pieces that felt like the most threatening, like the sound, a smell, a look on someone's face, or the feeling of being trapped. Those pieces get filled in a rush, often without the context that would tell you that it's over now. So later, when something in the present Brushes against one of those pieces, your alarm goes off again. Your body doesn't check the calendar, it just reacts. That's why an old memory can feel like it's happening right now. Even when part of you knows it isn't. You're not imagining it, and you're not weak for feeling it. Your alarm system is doing exactly what it was learned to do. I get asked a version of this question a lot. Why do old memories suddenly feel like they're happening again? This is usually the point where someone starts to wonder something out loud and there's often a little shame tucked underneath it. People wonder why they can't just move on or why their body still reacts to something from so long ago. Here's what I tell people. Those memories aren't stuck on loop because you're failing to heal. They keep showing up because your brain never got a chance to finish processing them. So what helps? First, it helps to remind your body where you're at. Notice the room around you, the temperature of air and the sound that is actually happening right now. Naming three things you can see can gently pull your attention back to the present. It won't erase the memory, but it can loosen the grip for a moment. Second, and this matters most, it helps to work on the memory with someone who knows how to do it safely. A good therapist doesn't ask you to relive everything at once. They go slowly. Help your body stay grounded and gradually help your brain foul the memory as something from the past. Over time, the house starts to feel like a house again. If these memories are showing up often, messing with your sleep, or making it hard for you to go through work or relationships, that's a good reason to reach out. You do not have to wait until it becomes unbearable. Something to carry with you? A memory that feels like it's happening right now is often a sign of how much you've survived. Not proof that you're still stuck there. The room isn't cursed. You're allowed to open the door, turn on the lights, and let the house settle. That's where I'll leave it for today. You don't have to agree with everything I said, but I'd invite you to sit with it a little longer before you move on to whatever is next. I'm Ted Thao this has been Internal Insights. And if you want to learn more about my work, you can find me at internal insights therapy dot com. Take care, and I'll talk to you next time.