Latest / Pod Therapy / 417: Responding to online haters, Returning to post conflict baseline

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417: Responding to online haters, Returning to post conflict baseline · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Disney. Yeah, no, I've been to Disneyland one.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Time in that Wow, shut up about it, Whitney. Jesus Christ, God, damn,
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: all right, you'll get it whatever minimails the time, Jesus Christ.
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: Wow, es man, what a flex. Just won't shut up.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: We're finally getting off a high horse. We can start
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: the show.
• 0:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, from fabulous Las Vegas that this is.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: Pot therapy, real people, real problems, and real therapists.
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: You can submit your questions anonymously at pot therapy do
• 0:32
  Speaker 4: net or email us at pod therapy Guys at gmail
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: dot com. And now broadcasting from Brut Deodorant Studio on
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: It's time for some pot therapy. Do you guys remember Brute?
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: I remember?
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: Oh, that takes me back to middle that's that's middle
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: school for loads of fruit washing clone deodorant.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, first the after.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Shave, after after Oh I did not know.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: Ye yeah, this green bottle.
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: Like all of the men in my family, Oh okay,
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: were brute, like a brute uncle, my dad, my grandpa
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: like that. It was all brute okay now like they
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: still have in the grocery store and the other day,
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: like I was, I was buying groceries and I stopped
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: and I just opened it up and just smelled it,
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: and I was just instantly.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: It's just like uncle Ted nice. Yeah, brute to me
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: is middle school?
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Just that. I think Axe body spray.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: I don't think it quite existed yet, but that was
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: the era of sprays, and so that was just all
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: the boys locker room after it was Axe the one
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: that started off in like the pump spray bottle.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: Oh maybe it was.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I thought was just the asol?
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: Was it always the aerosol one? Yeah?
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Remember they were quick with THEE for a while it
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: was like a discount one.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think this would have been like early to
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: mid nineties.
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: Oh you know what, my first cologne ever, Kurt no
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: So I bought it. This is actually the first thing
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: I bought with my check book because I got a
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: job working at McDonald's.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: Grandpa opened up a checking account. Side. It was the
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: first check I ever bought. Was for Michael Jordan cologne.
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: I remember, Michael.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: God, this is the second time your patron, second time
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: you're here in that jan we have been about that
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: middle aged white guy.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: I guess the older we get, the more that drop
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: is gonna get us wear out. The tape.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: It is relevant, man, that I remember that.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Michael Colowns are like, remember getting how could I forget that?
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: The green bottle Polo? And I didn't have the I
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: remember not having the spray bottle. I had the bottle
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: where you just had like had like a little intention
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: for your finger in the bottle. Yeah, you just put
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: your finger on, you turn the whole side, what I remember. Yeah,
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: and then you dabble a little that on your neck
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: and like we had to have just been putting way
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: too much of it. Oh that's all that you do.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: I feel like I didn't put that much on, but
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: I mean I must have put too much of it.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Well, there's like those different amounts that are concentrated at
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: different levels. I did the same thing. Like as a teenager.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: The first colone I received, I think was gray flannel,
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: and I'm not even sure what the brand is. I
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: just remember them, that's what. And I think it was
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: very much like a middle aged like my family is like, oh,
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: here you go, I like this clone and like they're
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: in their sixties or something like that, and so, but
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: it was very concentrated. Was that bottle tip over thing
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: and so you wet your finger whatever, But nobody like
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: gave me the tutorial, so I'm like, great, let's just
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: fucking bathe in this, yeah, you know, and then going
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: out on dates and like watching girls just like cry.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: I feel like you're tearing up.
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: If you have.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: What's going on, Jim can probably verify this.
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: But I feel like, if you have a junior high boy, yeah,
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: it's just smells.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just there is just a
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: stagnant odor at all. Is thirteen? Right? Yeah? Yeah.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: If you've ever like just walked past the mushroom aisle
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: of a grocery store, that's it.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: If you're like, oh, there's just like a latent fungus
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: like that, that's exactly what we all.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't know that the Colones did
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: us as much justice as we believe they did. What
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: is what is your What is what is your son scent?
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: Does he have a cologne or something that he goes
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: after and is a popular one with people his age?
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I originally to test out the theory of like, hey,
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: do you want to try out clones, I'd given him
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: like a bottle that I had that was pretty nice
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: that I didn't use anymore, and so he was digging
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: that was actually really you know light scent kind I
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: don't remember what the company was. I think it was
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: Calvin Klein.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: Red flannel, yeah, red flat. It's just all different flannels.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: But he ended up getting a different scent, and I
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: think I just took him to like a Macy's or something.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: It was like, let's, you know, try out the different sense,
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: find one that you dig, and like he's like, okay,
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: this is like he likes understated. He's very much into
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: like subtle, like not. He doesn't want to because that's
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: why you bought him that chain necklace.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: You know, just a simple chase, right yeah.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Just platinum. Yeah, yeah, he didn't want the whole clock
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: attached to it. Well.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: I wanted to get him the giant Popeye diamonds, but
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: he didn't want that.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: If you would like to hear the entire Christmas Cuck
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: Fantasy Patreon dot com slash therapy.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I forgot we were on the show that we're on the.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: Real show now. Yeah, we shoul probably read some goddamn questions.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: It's a new year, Welcome to the new year. You
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: are with us as we kick off season nine of
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: pod therapy.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: This project continues.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: It is powered by the people, and we would love
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: you to join us this year at patreon dot com
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: slash therapy. If you're a public listener, you're not part
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: of the Patreon. If you go to patreon dot com
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: slash therapy for as little as a dollar, you can
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: join the team and basically you'll get a feed link
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: that you pump right into your favorite podcasting app, whatever
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: it is, and from that point on you will get
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: our extended show. It's always a half hour to an
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: hour longer. You get to know us a little bit better.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: It's more of our friendly time, just hanging out before
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: we kind of get to work. But yeah, join us man,
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: and then you get into the discord. You get to
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: make friends with people in that community, discuss the episodes,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: toss out your own questions, get feedback from the community.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: It's just really really good place and we release all
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: sorts of bonus content. We have an entire library, eight
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: years deep of different therapeutic topics, deep dives into research,
• 6:33
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• 6:36
  Speaker 2: if you were in therapy. So definitely dive in there.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Check it out. Make this the year that you join
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: us and be with us all year long.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: It's it's a lot of fun.
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: You can also name an episode, so if you'd like
• 6:45
  Speaker 4: to name or name an episode, name the studio. Yes
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: for the episode for twenty studio continues to be nameless,
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: which is how we got Brute Deoder.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah today.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if you have a topic you just want us
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: to riff on, name the fucking studio.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: Go with that.
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: This is the start of season nine, which we should
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: announce are ten by ten?
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that we're doing this year ten things by season ten.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: All right, so listeners, you now have a new project
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: on this episode in the discord, start pitching your ideas
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: for things the four hosts have to accomplish together by
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: season ten.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Adventures we have to take Oh yes, Oh I just
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: saw today Circus Circus I think is bringing Bingo back.
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: So they're gonna have Bingo back on the strip for
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: the first time in a very low time. Well, I
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: just want to piggyback on Jim for a second. Yeah,
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: on the on the Patreon stuff, Uh, Jim, everything Jim said,
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: and you know how I hate to say this, Everything
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: that Jim said was correct. Wow, everything it's a rare moment.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: Minor detail. There was one minor detail. Don't subscribe for
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: a dollar. It's available because I don't know how to
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: get rid of it. Don't subscribe for a dollar a month.
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: Do more than a dollar a month. Do two dollars
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: a month. If you do a dollar a month, the
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: processing fees, you're giving more money to Patreon than you
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: are to us. If you give a dollar a month,
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: that's true. But at two dollars a month, that all
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: all the mass shift, all the math shifts. We are
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: getting a taste. Yeah, so yeah, do more than a
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: bluck a month? Do do two dollars into the hat
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: each month. It costs you twenty four dollars a year,
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: and you can subscribe for the year, right, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah,
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: and you get a little bit of a discount if
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: you subscribe for the entire year as well.
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: For the ten by ten we should set our own goal, okay,
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: removing the one dollar option. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, and
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: then I will in turn try to close down the store.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: Okay, and maybe launch video in this year too.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: Maybe we'll set up a whole bunch of three look
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: at us Okay, and bingo that's four okay, Yeah, Bingo's great, though,
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: we absolutely the next time we do like an evening
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: recording where we have time afterwards to go fuck up
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: some bingo.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: That sounds like a great time.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: But we've got some questions to kick off the year.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: We are excited for this, and the first one is
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: creative block after online harassment and hello, folks, I'm going
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: to keep details a little vague. I'm part of a
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: tabletop gaming community that is fairly small, maybe fifty thousand
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: players worldwide. That's fucking small. Jesus fifty thousand. I think
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: how big that table is. Oh yeah, I don't think
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: the writer is playing with all those Okay, okay, maybe okay,
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: got it, just enthusiasts maybe.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, people, Is this the same type of thing.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: It's like a Dungeons and Dragons thing, probably, but probably
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: not that popular game, rightly, fifty thousand versus yeah, play
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Dungeons and Dragons. Okay, that's probably what I should think
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: of this as. Yeah, I've been active in the online
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: community of said game for the last fifteen years or so.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: I've built enough of a reputation for myself within the
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: community that I was able to launch a website around
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: the game, as well as even being involved in the
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: development and design of said game. There are a handful
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: of people that actually support me on Patreon because of
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: what I do for our small community, with a few
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: thousand people reading and appreciating my contributions. Wow, that's terrific
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: for you. We did build something around a niche that
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: you really love. That's super cool. Well, that's all the
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: time we have for this happy I think you keep
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: knocking the mouse and.
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: Keep doing that. Yeah, do more.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: On the other hand, there is a very vocal minority,
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: maybe twenty people.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: That hate me.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Generally speaking, I've been able to deal with this ongoing
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: harassment and hating by focusing on the many, many more
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: people that appreciate what I do in silence. However, this
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: past summer, some of the haters took it a step further.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: When they became aware of my official involvement of the game.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: They fabricated evidence that I had violated an NDA to
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: get me removed from working with the company, which succeeded.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: They're haters, they're fuck has. Wow.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Then, when they didn't know they won, they proceeded to
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: invent a fake person on Facebook to continue and lie
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: about me, even going so far as to claim the
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: fake person died of pancreatic cancer when the company started
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: researching who was leaking information that is under the NDA.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Since then, it became increasingly difficult for me to do
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: the things I had done before, like writing articles, making videos,
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: et cetera, things that people appreciate and enjoy. But anytime
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: I start to work on these creative endeavors, I'm just
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: overcome with feelings of what's this word nick? And we way?
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: And and you are on? Is that you haven't seen
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: the new Avatar movie? Is this on we okay with Avatar?
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: What are you talking about? Confidence?
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: A feeling of listlessness?
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: And oh, I think it's that on Wei, which you
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: would have known if you had seen Inside Out to by.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: Disney, which you saw and didn't know. The word shut up.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: That none of it matters because I'm going to be
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: dragged or ignored even though most people in the community
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: have no idea any of this happened or to what extent.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: It's just casting a massive black cloud over everything, even
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: if only in my mind. So how do I deal
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: with that? I know I'm not right sizing the problem,
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: but it's a very surreal feeling to have a handful
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: of people go to these links to actually cost me
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: paying work that I feel passionate about. And the sad
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: part is that they that I've already seen the product
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: of the game starting to slip because I'm not involved.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: So I have a tangible metric of the positive impact
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: I was having that's now being ruined by some very
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: sad people. Sincerely the targeted gamer man. Oh gosh, that
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: is so like the idea of being like a content
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: creator and a small contingent for whatever reason discovering you
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: and disliking you and begetting militant about you or or
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: going out of their way to like because like, as
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: a general rule, I think if you don't like somebody's content,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: you just don't listen, right, Like that's the end of it.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: You just you steer aways, don't care.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but there are sometimes these people, and pop
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Therapy over the years has had a few that have
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: gone out of their way. Yes, we've we've had a
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: you know, a handful over the years that.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Have well by hiring me, yeah, yea.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we have one right, there's only one move that works.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: Do you need an audio gag?
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, just as Abraham Lincoln said, if I
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: befriend my enemy, I have destroyed him.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: So but no, this is.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: A really a painful thing because, as the writer is saying,
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: you can have just oceans of people that like your work,
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: that enjoy you, and and they're just silently like, great,
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: thanks guys, great show. You know, one more in the bank,
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: fun time, and they'll chat about it. But you occasionally
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: if you have like this small contingent, like the writer says,
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: he has thousands that support him, twenty that dislike him.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: But man, that is it's hard to understand how hurtful,
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: how painful it is when somebody has that much vitriol
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: that they're going out of their way to like cause
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: damage in your life. This is one of the most
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: terrifying things to me. This is one of the things
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: that is whenever I've had anxious spirals on pod therapy.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: Part of the reason Whitney's fucking here is because I
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: once had a breakdown like, oh shit, there's somebody out
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: in the world that doesn't like me, Like that's gonna
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: end everything. Like this kind of shit scares the Bejesus
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: out of me.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just listened to I think it was Tina
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Fey on uh Amy Poehler's podcast. I think it was
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Tina Fey share that she even when she releases work,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: she's like, I don't follow up with anything. She's like,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: I tell my publisher or whatever. Am I Yeah, yeah,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: she was like, I mean I might follow up in
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: a week or two, see what the feedback is. She's like,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: but I just put the work out there and just try.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: She doesn't follow up on comments or reading.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: No. And it's interesting because you're like somebody who is like,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: has an amazing backlog of just awesome pieces of work, hilarious,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: like even they are like, oh nope, I don't want
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: to know. I don't want to know. If somebody says
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: I can't read.
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: The comment, never read the comments. I've gotten no level.
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know a single entertainer at
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: any level that it recommends just going through and reading
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: the fucking.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: Cop I've gotten really shot in the chest reading our reviews.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: That's that's been hard.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: Sometimes.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: We've definitely had some pretty angry reviews that have been
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: pretty hurt.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: Please, by all means, go over to iTunes, Spotify, leave
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: us a five star review. They do make an actual
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: difference in the show, and know that if you leave
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: a critical review you will hurt Jim's feelings.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: But as long as it's five stars, if you also
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: put five stars in there, at least.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: You're like, Okay.
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: If you put any kind of one to four star
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: review and you put real criticism in there, just know
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: that not only will that real criticism get through to
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: at least one of.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: The hosts, that host will mode about it. Yes, for
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: minimum a week I think about the batter review the
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: problem of the rest of the host.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: Yeh yeah, really you like you not to break Jim
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: because Nick's the one that has.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: The show. You are having an active effect on this show.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: I'm haunted you're not shouting in to avoid I.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Think probably once a month about negative reviews of pod
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: Therapy that I remember word for work. Oh wow, They're
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: never about you, They're always me. It's always like it's
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: a great show except for that fuck face Jim and.
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: Just like oh fuck that guy like.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Worse And I'm like, how did you get through even
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: one episode of this show to become invested enough to
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: like the concept and want to review it but hate
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: me who is solidly one third of the original show.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: What the fuck are you thinking?
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: That must speak a lot to the content of the
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: show if they're like, man, the rest of the.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: So long Yeah.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: That that that has happened too. There's been other reviews
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: that have said, like, man, this is a really good
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: show in the sense that you're getting real professional feedback.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: But Jesus Christ, Jim is the worst. And I'm like,
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: oh my god.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: People are holding their nose through me as a concept
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: so that they can get the information like they would
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: like to read the transcript of the show.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: Like.
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: Now this is turning into me again. But we needn't
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: give this person.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I call Nick, I'll give you his number.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: There are some brutal ones in there. I don't know.
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: Like my take on this, there's two components to this.
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: Number one is just having a group of people.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: That just dislike you. That's one part.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: God.
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: The other component of this is that is so motivated
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: to take action. Those are two different things for me,
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: because like I understand, there's.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: There's there are plenty of things that I don't like, right,
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: and I just don't involve them in my life exactly,
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: you know. And I something my dad said to me
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: once is like the fuck out of my house.
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, before you go, here's a piece of advice, Like,
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: no matter what you do, at least twenty percent of
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: the people are going to hate you, right, or are
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: going to dislike you. They're going to disagree with everything
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: you're doing, no matter what decision you make, you know,
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: And I think that's becoming even more the case now
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: in today's society, where you can't say anything, you know,
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: just like, oh, trees are beautiful, and it's like, well
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: my parents were killed by trees. Like there's you're always
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: going to upset somebody and you cannot there's there's no
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: way to avoid it. A lot of the jobs that
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: I took, Yeah, you know, when I was hired as
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: a clinical director or executive director, I went into those
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: positions knowing that twenty percent of the people would leave
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: within one year for rideah. And it has nothing to
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: do with new things that I'm doing or with me
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: in particular. It's just people don't like change. People want
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: it a certain way, and some people are willing to
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: like work through that change and.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Adapt, and others can't. They just cannot fucking adapt.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: That's interesting.
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Yeah, And so yeah, you can always anticipate twenty
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: percent of the population was gonna leave, They're gonna check out.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's to me writer.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: This is one of the things I think that has
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: always been one of the scariest parts of being a
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: content creator and doing this project is the you You
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: end up with so many nice people that find your stuff,
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: And this is one of the things I've loved about
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: the audio format of our show and one of the
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: reasons I've been the problem, like anytime that we've had opportunities.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, from day one of pod Therapy joining Jacob,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: he had the whole thing wired for video. It was like, yeah,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: you want me to turn on the videos and I
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: was like, no, please, for the love of God, never
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: do that, Like, you know, please, let's say audio. Because
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: I was always afraid of the show becoming exposed to
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: more people who didn't have the opportunity, like didn't weren't
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: forced to like really sit with it before they formed
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: an opinion on it. I didn't want it to be
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: this thing where you get quick snapshots of like some
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: dumbass thing I say, or like some quick, you know,
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: hot take on an issue. I wanted you to have
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: to sit with us for ninety years. There you go
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: get to know us and then form an opinion, have
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: to listen to large block quotes and like also get
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: to know our personalities. That because our show can like
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: take a lot of creative risks with comedy and stuff,
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: and know when you're doing creative risks with comedy, your
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: shit's not always funny. In fact, you miss a lot,
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: you know, and like you need people to like you
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: enough and know your heart that they're like I know
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: that person means well, they step on toes all the time,
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: but they're not a jerk about it, Like they're not unfeeling,
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: they do care. I know their heart, and like that's
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: what's always scared me is like what there are people
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: in communities that will find you discover they do not
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: like you or like you for a little bit, and
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: then you'll do or say something wrong and they'll feel
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: very betrayed by you in this very intimate way. And
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: I've seen it in the world where content creators who
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: make a mistake or have offended their audience or do
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: something wrong and sometimes deserved, but the audience will take
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: you way more into their personal life than just I
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: don't like your content. I'm not going to be part
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: of your content anymore. It's not just ooh, this doesn't
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: appeal to me anymore.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: I'm out.
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: It's I'm going to boards of examiners and reporting you.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: It's I'm trying to destroy your career. It's I'm looking
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: for opportunities to actually damage you. The fact that that
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: happened to targeted writer or targeted gamer, that is terrifying
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: to me.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's just it speaks a lot to
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: the fact they created a whole a whole Facebook profile
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: starting this question.
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: Rest and peace, pretend you know person.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Starting off, I was like, oh, how to cope with
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: like negative reviews or negative feedback, But it really took
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: a sharp turn in there to say that they're affecting
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: basically like your finances, yes, your reputation, all of these things.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I think what's important to remember though, is I mean,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: as much as you can, you can push back on
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: these things, but like, at the end of the day,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: we're not in control of others. And it's kind of like,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe it's too passive, but to me,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: it's just like, well, that is what it is. And
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: it's kind of like, if they're going to spend their
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: time doing that, and there is some negative effect. There's
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: not anything you can do to control that. If I
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: were you, I would do my best to dig into
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: like what you know is right you just said. I
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: can see there's a lack of how did you word it,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: like the gaming or equality? Yeah, like because you're not
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: able to give as much input. And I guess I'm
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: not sure is that because you're not putting it out
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: or they're silencing you, or.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Because writer was fired from the project, Yeah, because of
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: their work to claim that he had violated an NDA
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: and now he sees the next iteration of the game's
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: quality is not as good and he expected that he
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: could have repaired that.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I would do my best to stay
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: in touch with anyone you have that's like maybe a
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: good contact from where you were working, because people are
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: can we connect with in our jobs, just like sense.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Some people don't like change, so they leave, but really
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: like people or why people why we stay at jobs too,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: And so trying to stay in contact with anyone you
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: can from your work environment I think might be helpful,
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: just because maybe maybe this dissipates over time, maybe they
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: think they've won even though I guess.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: You know, there's a strategic move to silence sometimes because
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: like Jacob, historically, the advice you've given on this is
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: don't feed the trolls.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: Shut the fuck up, right.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: So your your move is usually yourself. Everybody, never feed
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: them back. Now respond to it.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: We dealt with something this week with SJ with with
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: something or another, not a big deal or anything, nothing
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: comparable to this, And yeah, I gave that advice this week. Yeah,
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: she's like, Oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna do this tomorrow,
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna do this. No, no, just just leave it,
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: just drop it, just leave it. And the reason I
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: give that advice, though, and the reason that I can
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: give that advice is because most of the time people
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: don't don't escalate things to the point that the writer
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: is talking about. They don't.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: They won't, they won't keep burning calories if you don't.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: That's generally true. That's almost always true. Another mistake I
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: see content creators do sometimes, and maybe it's it's a
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: strategic thing. I think if you have a big enough audience,
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: acting like you're the victim is sometimes I think a
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: move and a lot of like creators school rally, but like,
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I don't love that move sometimes where they kind of
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: go to the rest of the fans now they're like,
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: there's people trying to hurt me right now, and like
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: they turn them into a mob to go hunt those
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: people down and like peer pressure them out of the
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: circle or like respond. And I don't think that's a
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: great idea.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: I mean a joke about that. Like a few months
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: ago on ice Cream Social, I was telling a story.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: It was a real story. Somebody was messing with my
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: wife online professionally and lying and made up some false
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: web pages and weird stuff. But you know, not completely
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: dissimilar from what the writer's talking about. But in my
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: wife's case, there's not a job to be fired from.
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: She's they were just trying to mess with her kind
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: of career and everything. And and also at that point,
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: my advice was let's drop it. Yeah, you know, my
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: advice even then was let's drop it. And I made
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: a joke about it just talking about it on ice
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: Cream Social, I think, and like was, Oh, I'm gonna
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna turn the scoops. I'm gonna turn the scoops
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: loose on this person who's going And I found myself
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: I was like, I don't even like this joke. Yeah,
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: I don't even like the idea of like taking this
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: to public court and doing all of this drama ship
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: and everything, like, oh, I'm not even gonna joke about it.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: I don't even like. It's so far removed from what
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: I'm what I'm going to do and what I'm going
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: to actually deal with in life that I wanted to
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: steer away.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: I think it's generally ill advised. Like I remember a
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: few years back, we had somebody show up in the
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: discord that really was upset at me and and had
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: just they decided to start really kind of coming at me,
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: which is you know, not I get it, not friendly ground,
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: you know, Jacob, And so it put I think a
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: lot of the listeners in a weird position where like.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: I used my name as it was Jacob.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah it was Jacob the whole time, but like a
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: lot of listeners, the real Jacob says, they were in
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: a weird spot because it was like they didn't want
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: to just jump in and be like, hey, shut the
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: fuck up, because like I'm tagged and they know I'm
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: active in the community, so like they're waiting to see
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: what I do, and I was just sort of like
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: giving an emoji response like I hear this, like I'm
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: just okay, thank you, you know, and I'm not responding
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: to it. And then it was weird because like there
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: there are secret channels in the discord that are like
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: mods and like you know, like the therap producers have
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: their own lounge, and so it was funny because that's
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: where they were like, you know, staging, and so then
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: they're like, all right, so we're gonna fuck this guy up, right,
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: Like we let this person beat the shit Jim before
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: we fucking Like, yeah, everybody beats up Jim, but we
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: like those guys like we.
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: On Jim, fuck this guy.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: And like there was a ping on me before they
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: kind of wrote it Dawn where they're like, hey man,
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: we're about to fuck this dude up, but like we
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: want don't want our step, What do you want us
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: to do?
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: I was like, just let it go.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: Like, honestly, I think if somebody comes in here and
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: says mean things about me, it gives everybody an opportunity
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: to reflect on that. It gives me an opportunity to
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: reflect on that, and as long as they feel heard,
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: then I feel like they.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Won't escalate it. Yeah.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Sometimes that's my theory is like, Okay, get it out.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I'm listening to you. I'm I download what you're saying.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: Thank you for the feedback.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: There was a random I don't think she'd mind me
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: talking about this, there was a random thing that happened
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: to my mom a few years ago. She's part of
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: her local community.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: You told this story. I may about being at the
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: board meeting.
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: Oh maybe, I don't know, but there was a random
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: like city ordinance law type thing that they were trying
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: to pass, and it involved balloon releases. That was it.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: They were trying to get it where like the schools,
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: like basically the public institutions didn't do balloon releases or
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: something like that. I don't remember exactly what it was,
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: but it was along those lines. And people, you know
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: found out if you know, she was publicly for it
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: and and you know, at meetings talking for it and
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: all this kind of stuff, and and people on Facebook
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: back then, uh got on and you know, we're we're
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: weighing in and as people do on comments and and
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: things like that from board meetings and public hearings and whatever,
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: and some people were just nasty you know, as as happened.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: Sometimes sometimes assholes going to.
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: Take people's balloons away. Y, yeah, you know the first
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: thing Hitler did you wouldn't believe.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: The balloons, and we said nothing. Said nothing because I
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: am not a balloon. I'll tell you what, if you
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: talk about balloons, people ain't gonna say nothing. People opinions
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: about balloons and whether or not they should be allowed
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: to just let them go and release them to the wild.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: I believe that they called that the Night of Long Knives.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: I believe it is. That's when they popped all the balloons.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: But I'm talking to her and she's upset because she's like,
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: this person on Facebook is saying that I need to
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: go kill myself Jesus, Like, and I'm yep, yeah, a
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: person you don't know is saying shitty things. Yeah, and
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: the only response is nothing.
• 29:25
  Speaker 4: I imagine the guy the Ferstone who posted that just
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: walking through their house and just being filled with balloons.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's all like they're all dark and on their
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: on their little Facebook.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: Guy he's got a balloon girl friend for who we
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: are and who we love. Come on, heally, it's the
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: fucking Michelin man.
• 29:55
  Speaker 4: Like this bitch, his balloon, animal dogs.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: He's coming for our way of life. That is how
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: I live. So anyway, writer, you know, there are so
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: many different spins on this. Do you guys do that?
• 30:09
  Speaker 4: I don't know if maybe this is just a Nick thing,
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: but this is the way my mind has worked ever
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: since we started this podcast, because I too have some
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: anxieties about this podcast, because I've got a full time job.
• 30:19
  Speaker 4: If I lose that, like, this podcast is not going
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: to support me, I can't because one dot don't keep
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: asking for dollars.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: I mean, we are not trying.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Anymore.
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: But yeah, I had that thought, and so like the
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: whole time I've been doing this podcast, my my focus
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: in my my work life has been to try to
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: make myself as bulletproof as possible, right, you know, and
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: to really be like, if if somebody decided to start
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: some ship about something that happened on the podcast Don't
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: Stop Shop Ken is the work that I'm doing, will
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: it put my supervisor in a position to have to
• 31:12
  Speaker 4: think like, right, Okay, well I need to think really
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: hard about this.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: If you want to accuse Nick of something, I need
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: some really good evidence because he's doing a great job
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: and we can't really function without the work that he does.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: See, I think that your your theory is close to mine.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: I have the Jelaane Maxwell theory, which is I'd rather
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: just have dirt on everybody that can hurt me and
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: see that's that's the move.
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: I don't think that's exactly what I said. Yeah, I
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: think we're on the same exact page. Yeah. No, No,
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: I think we're both on the exact same right. Right,
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: I'll say we hang at the same parties.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: If I were a last thing, I just want to say,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: if I were in the writer she's that would be
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: super overwhelming and it would be hard to find that
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: creative spirit again when you're feeling so like beat down
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: right just to the point that these little hecklers have
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: taken it too. So I think that's valid as far
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: as how to deal with that. I mean, just try
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: and keep pushing through, keep attempting to be creative, like
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: as much as you can. You know what you're doing
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: was helpful, you can see that in the results, and
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: just just continue to create even if it feels a
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: little lackluster in the moment.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I usually have I think a three prong strategy here,
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: not okay, step one prongs. Step one, do what Jacob said,
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: which is, do not publicly acknowledge the attacks. Do not
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: public because that does feed trolls. Now they're getting the attention.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: Now they feel like they're getting to you. I don't
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: think that, ever is in your best interests, So you
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: don't want to rally the troops to squash them. I
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: think you don't publicly do that. I'm personally comfortable, depending
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: on the situation, sometimes very big caveats here with trying
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: to reach out to that contingent privately. Now, okay, hear
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: me out. I can see because like when I've had haters,
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: the most success I've had with them is to speak
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: to them directly, and I found that I've gotten a
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: lot of mileage whenever I've said, hey, I've been reading
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: your feedback. I appreciate it. I also want to open
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: up a channel to you in case you do have
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: more feedback in the future. I want you to be
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: able to send that to me directly and know that
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: my eyes will read it, because I think that's what
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: your goal is. I think you want me to see
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: this out in the public space, but I don't know
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: that that's always going to be perceived the way you
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: want it to. I believe you're trying in good faith
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: to help me grow, and I want you to know
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: there's a way to get me that information.
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: You should also be aware listeners that if you leave
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: a negative review on pod therapy, you might get a
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: reply like that from Jim, Hey, it's me, why do
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: you like me? If you really don't like pod therapy,
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: if you want to leave a bad review about it,
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: you might open yourself up to having a discourse directly
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: with you. Yeah, that's the burden.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: If you leave us a bad review, You've got to
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: deal with me the rest of your life, calling and
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: asking why you don't like me and whether you like
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: me again yet? Right, it's at some point you'll change
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: the review, just all fucking go away.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: That's the thing. They will never ask you to.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: I thought about that too, because it just and normally,
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: if it's like a random person like in your mom's situation, Jacob, like, no,
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: absolutely not. I'm not going to reach out to that
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: rando on Facebook. But this seems like they're in their community,
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: like in the small community anyway, and they are making
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: a lot of effort to like, like extreme efforts to
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: take you down. I don't know if it'd be productive,
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: but I kind of don't totally discount that often because.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: Why are if it's a small enough contingent to be
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: able to come to them directly. Because I've found in
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: life that when people don't like you, sometimes it's because
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: they don't know you, and they have a really hard
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: time hating you whenever you know you, sometimes because they do.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: But like when people really know you on a close
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: sleep or just right like I mean, even taking the
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: listeners that we have that are that are friends of
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: the show, There's absolutely been people whose toes I have
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: accidently stepped on or who found something I said off color.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: But because they feel that they know me in a
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: personal way, I get a good amount of grace, And
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: there is that intimacy and podcasting where they're like I
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: know these friends, like these are I think of them
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: as friends.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of content to me.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: When you can connect with people in that human to
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: human way, there's a different vibe of like, Okay, you're
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: not just because sometimes people think like, oh, you guys,
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: are these high and mighty people spokesman for like the
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: mental health industry, It's like, no No, I'm just some jackass
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: that works over here at a mental health clinic and.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: No easy to start a podcast.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, we're in our friend's room. I am very
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: high and mighty about it. Let them speak for me.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: So the third prong I have is either taking a
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: sabbatical from content creation because I think that there there's
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: a time and place for that.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: And there's been times where.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: I think this mentally has hit me, and I've come
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: to Nick and said I might want to take a
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: sabbatical and take time away from the show because right
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: now I can't in good faith do what I do
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: and make good content because there's somebody hurting me, right
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: and like, I can't pretend that that's not hurting me.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: And I think that there's a lane for that. I've
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: never ended up having to pull that trigger. I ended
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: up getting through it, but like, I feel like it's
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: going to happen eventually.
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: Probably after this episode, since fucking Jacob's out there calling
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: for bad reviews. I'm laughing at the idea of you
• 36:00
  Speaker 4: coming to be like I think I need a sabbatical yea,
• 36:03
  Speaker 4: and me being like.
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: Fucking cowboy up, dude.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: You're in it, ye Talk is talk.
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: He's like, Yale, you get your ask to Jacob's house.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: We're doing this again.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: We're going to show your house.
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: Read the fucking questions patches. That's right.
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: So the third pieces is maybe taking a break or
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: you know, if you're going to continue to make that
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: content in good faith.
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: I'm a big fan of not getting into the deets,
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: but letting people know, like, hey, if if you know,
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: I just want to give you guys a little bit
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: of insight into me as a human. I am kind
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: of driving on flat tires lately. I'm kind of going
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: through some private matters and I don't know, like if
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: you feel like your content creation's dropping off, letting people know,
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: Like That's one of the things I like about this
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: era we live in of content creation is the personal
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: relationship I have with a lot of the creators that
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: I really enjoy and if I'm not enjoying their content lately,
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: or I feel like it's dropped off when they kind
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: of come out of and tell us like, hey, I'm
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: going through some stuff at home. I don't want to
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: make it public, but I apologize if my stuff is
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: dropped off. That makes me like feel like I like
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: that I'm connected to that creator in this intimate way and.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: I still want to support them.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and now I understand if things are a little off,
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: how that is you.
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: Know who I think I think kind of I would
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: look too, is like, and I don't mean this as
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: a joke.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: It's as a joke, no, Monica Lewinsky say more.
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: Also, I think we both mutually love her, like she's great.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: She's amazing, she's yeah.
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but I mean, if you talk, you think about
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: somebody who went through ship very unfairly, And I think
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: we were all guilty of this. I mean because like
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: I remember in fifth or sixth grade, she was a
• 37:44
  Speaker 4: punchline that yeah, that was a punchline. But it was
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: really unfortunate because like she was a twenty two year
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: old kid who got the chance to blow the president
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: right right right.
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: I mean and and so like. But but she was
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: made out to be right the bad.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Guy did this.
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she wasn't bad.
• 38:06
  Speaker 4: She's a young adult where she is rape like you know,
• 38:10
  Speaker 4: this was you know, and and for her to go
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: through all of that ship and everybody, every single person
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: turned on her for years a young person, Yeah.
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: And that would kill most people.
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and just to be able to kind of
• 38:24
  Speaker 4: work through that and then be a successful adult in
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: the world.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: Shade part of the way that I think you're right,
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: that's a great example because part of the way I
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: think she recovered she recovered out loud, in like this
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: non defensive way, but allowing people to see her vulnerability
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: and her humanity, and that I think made a lot
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: of people put the pitchforks down and go, what the
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: fuck are we doing? Yeah, like we're beating up on
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: this kid, like this young adult. Like if that was
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: your daughter and she got fucking, you know, into a
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: sexual relationship with her sixty year old boss who's supposed
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: to be the grown up in the goddamn Oval office,
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: fuck him, you know, Like so yeah, But anyway, the
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: point is Bill might be in the Epstein file.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: Find your internal Monica.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, find your inner Monica Lewinsky.
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: There you go. Let's leave it there for the contract
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: creator real quick. If you don't want to take a break, uh,
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: And I get why you might want not might not
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: want to take a break, because it's easy to lose momentum,
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: especially that creative momentum as you're as you're going, uh,
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: it's just uh, one of two things. One you can
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: do kind of angry creation. You can do kind of
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: angry content creation towards Benborn. I mean no, you can
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: do kind of angry content creation towards the people, uh
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: that have been coming after you. You don't you don't
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: have to do it, you know, explicitly towards them, but
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: in your mind it's it is directed towards them.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: This is like a Taylor Swift song about Jake Gillenhall.
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And you can do just kind of I'm suggesting
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: this genuinely. I'm not I'm not doing like a a
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: weird reverse psychology thing or anything. Uh Like, if if
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: you want to just a explore that creative vein that
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: comes from just being pissed, you're welcome to do that, right,
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: and like you can do that, and that might be
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: like depending on what you're vague with a lot of details,
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: so depending on what you do, that might be a
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: really cool vein to go down and explore. The other
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: thing you can do is just kind of in yourself
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: decide that you're not going to give a shit about
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: the haters and keep on doing the work that you
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: like doing for the people that enjoy it.
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: So to summarize your three options, find your inner Monica, yes,
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: find your inner t Swift, or find your inner Jacob Smith.
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: That's right, it is, yeah and Jacob, I consider a
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: fusion of Monica Lewinsky and Taylor Swift.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: And I'm really kind of okay with either doing it
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: out of like pure rage at the people that have
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: pissed you off, or doing it out of pure love
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: for the people that are still there, like hanging with you.
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: I kind of like both solutions, depending on what kind
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: of options you're working with and depending on what the
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: real details of what you're doing are solid advice, I
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: dig it.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: We are going to take a quick break and when
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: we come back, we're talking about returning to baseline after
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: tense times. You're listening to pod therapy.
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: Today's episode is brought to you by Jake Schneider, Leah Richard,
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: maybe Sonny Boy, Thunder Cooper, Falcon Scooms, Motherfucker, Sander mcwaffle,
• 41:21
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• 41:25
  Speaker 3: Kiera Knightley Nice.
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: Would you like to SPUs the show if you come
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: on the producer dot com slash therapy.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: I love not Kiera Nightly.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: Going through and I know I've mentioned this already, but
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: going through the archives and just commenting on all these
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: discord threads that have been dormant for like a year.
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: Just jump and we have no idea what You're all right,
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: here's our trivia before that, Nick, I just need to
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: read you all this.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: Oh no, this is the foundery review. Fuck of pod therapy.
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: I know exactly which one it is too.
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: I know you don't. I bet you don't. The goddamn sentence.
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: I bet you know where it's going. Go ahead. Pod
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: is fun, but heads up, there are no current active
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: distilleries in Bourbon County, Kentucky. Bourbon is the national spirit
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: of the US and could be made anywhere within the regulations.
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: Chat GPT gave you fifty corn unused Charret Oak Barrel's
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: aged minimum three years, et cetera. Rye Whiskey, on the
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: other hand, must be fifty one percent. Rye sources books
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: and I'm a former bartender. The more you know, thanks
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: for all you share with us to help know ourselves more.
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: That review was titled Bourbon versus Rye, and it gave
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: our show four stars. I love when people do that.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: There was a time where people were leaving five star
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: reviews because we told them where their water shot off valve.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: Was, and that so many people are so fucking confused.
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: It's what the fuck is the show? You should know
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: where your water cut off valve is? Good goodness, not
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: the one you thought it was gonna read, wasn't it?
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: No?
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: It was not there. You go a long show over there,
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: terrified Jimothy.
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: All right, so this is a gift that I got
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: from my my staff. Oh one of my staff that game.
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: Hitster. Okay, So.
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: First one to get one wrong is out, and then
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: we'll go and tell there's one person standing.
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: Last one we have to stand and give you.
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: It's just the three of you. Okay, I give you
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: a song and the date that it came out.
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: I'm fucked. Jacob's gonna crush us.
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: Then you got to figure out if the next song came.
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: Before or after. Oh I'm so funny. Okay. The starting
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: point is going to be harder than we take turns
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: the right.
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: Yes, I will wait by Mumford and sons. Are you
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: looking at me? Okay? So, jim here's yours true White
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: Room by Cream nineteen sixty eight. Oh, I would like
• 43:53
  Speaker 4: to take them before please and.
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: Understand.
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: Good job, okay, Sweet Home Alabama, Leonard Skinnard before correct? Yay,
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: Whitney Okay, Bridge over Troubled Water Simon and garfunk.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: Cal, I mean before we're doing Mumford and Sons? Still right?
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: Now?
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Does it go after his before?
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: Well, it's definitely before Mumford and Sons. Does it go
• 44:19
  Speaker 4: before after Leonard Skinner?
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: There you go?
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, Oh say them again.
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry, Sweet Home Alabama is Leonard Skinnard. Okay, Mumford
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: and Sons as I will wait, and then yours is
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: Bridge over Troubled Water by Simon and garfam.
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: And so is hers before Mumford and Sons? Or before
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: or after?
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: We already know it's before Mumford and Sons. Okay, Now
• 44:38
  Speaker 4: she has to decide is it before after Leonard Skinner?
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: Got so the first one's irrelevant? Now sons off the table?
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, no, you have to put all of these
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: in order. Oh that's sounds like a jac problem. All right, go.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: Before before Skinner or yeah before Leonard skinnerd yes, A.
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: Good job, all right, so now we know that it
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: goes now we've got Simon and Garfunkle, Leonard, Skynyrd, Mumford Sons.
• 45:03
  Speaker 4: Correct, Okay, Jacob, walk this way by Aerosmith? Where would
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: this go?
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: So we've got bridge over troubled Water after that, Sweet
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: Home Alabama.
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: What you're Sweet Home Alabama? You don't have I feel
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: like I honestly he gave it to me. I'm not stupid.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: Twice I think you said walk this way, yes, Aerosmith,
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: So that'd be the original walk this way that they
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: later did with run DMCs in the early eighties. He
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: is going to fuck us up. We are, So I
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: think they did walk this way either late seventies or
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: very early eighties, which I think still shit. I don't
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: know when sweet I don't know Sweetheime Alabama mid eighties
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: or mid seventies.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, kid Rock did it and like the nineties,
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: which so true. It wasn't that one agreed it.
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: It's definitely before Kid Rocks version. Oh yeah, maybe I
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: don't know. I'll sty is after Sweet Home Alabama.
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: Correct ship, It's as.
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: Simon and Garfunkle, Leonard Skinnyard, Aerosmith, then Mumpfort right and
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: now here comes mine.
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: Tequila by the Champs.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: Copyright infringement tequila. That's right, so it was featured in
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: Sam vodka. Fuck, Okay, let's put tequila. I want to
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: go after So right now we've got from current to past.
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: I've got Mumford, Sons, Aerosmith, Leonard Skinnyard Watch Simon, and
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: I want to put it between Mumford and Sons and Aerosmith.
• 47:03
  Speaker 3: Between Mumford and Sons and Aerosmith.
• 47:05
  Speaker 4: So after Aerosmith, no, because after Aerosmith there's Aerosmith and
• 47:09
  Speaker 4: then Mumford.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: Actually, hold on, I want to go between Aerosmith and
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: Leonard skinnerd Okay, you're wrong, God damn it.
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: Gym is out ship a new wonder does she have
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: to place that one? She'll get a new one, So
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: that one's dead. Monday Monday by the Mamas and Poday Monday.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: That songs, I think we should get singing that inquire
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: for middle school. So it was older than that. I'm
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: gonna say between Aerosmith and Sweet Home Alabama. Is that
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: those next.
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: Pew Whitney's out out. Whitney is out with a bull
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: of shake. That one might be older. I think that
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: one's older. You have to get one to say that
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: was the oldest one that we've heard.
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: So far, No, second oldest, that's second oldest, the oldest
• 48:02
  Speaker 4: one we've heard so far as Tequila that was nineteen
• 48:04
  Speaker 4: fifty eight. Yes, that's fifty Yeah, I knew that one
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: was older. Jacob for the win, Congratulations, you're going to
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: win this one. Blinding Lights by the Weekend?
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: And what year did that come out? Before or after
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: Mumford and Sons? And Mumford and Sons was what year? Yeah,
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: didn't you tell us that one? No?
• 48:28
  Speaker 4: He did to us for No, I didn't cream. I
• 48:31
  Speaker 4: told you Cream sixty eight.
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: So that's right. So the weekend song is newer than
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: Mumford and Sons Win or Winter, Wow, Game's Fucking.
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: Ray twenty nineteen, Mumphor and Sons twenty twelve, Aerosmith nineteen
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: seventy five, Sweet Home Alabama nineteen seventy four, Wow, Simon
• 48:52
  Speaker 4: and Garfunkel's Bridge over Troubled Water in nineteen seventy.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: Geez, all right, I hate this game, And exactly as
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: I prophied side Jacob whooped our asses.
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: That that game actually turned out to be the type
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: of timeline trivia with music that I'm really good at Yeah,
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: no ship like general, I am exact dates and I'm
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: real bad.
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like a couple of years years, Like, I'm.
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: Pretty good with that.
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: You do this in casual conversation, Like we'll be at
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: the bar talking about songs, be like, no, that came
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: out in this and you'll be within three years of
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: whatever you call.
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: So we're fucked.
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: Returning to Bay's line after ten times, Hi, Whitney and therapy, dudes,
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: I'm looking for advice on regulating myself. The dudes, dudes,
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: I'm looking for advice on regulating myself. Didn't we start
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: a band called Whitney and the Cucks, Like all of
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: a sudden, that just jumped back, and I think we
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: just Whitney and the Cuts.
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: I thought we did all right. I'm looking for advice
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: on I know that I was told I had a
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: very special chair, though I have the chair.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm looking for advice on regulating myself. I'm traveling
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: with my partner and we a little crisis involving a
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: hotel we booked that ended after several tense moments and
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: something that was almost a fight, but not quite. Less
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: than two hours later, we had already checked into a
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: new hotel. My partner and I talked about our disagreements
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: immediately after the fact, and both got an appreciation of
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: the other's position. Feelings were validated all around. This is
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: where the interesting part begins. My partner was pretty much
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: back to normal once we checked into the new room.
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: With me, it was a different story. It's the morning
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: after as I write this, and I only slept a
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: few hours at night because I feel tense and emotional.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: I talked to my partner when we got into bed
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: and told him that I still feel weird. Something was
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: hovering over me. He responded by holding my hand, and
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: I did feel loved and reassured, but clearly that didn't
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: solve the problem completely. I feel like this is a
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: pattern we have. I see people around me get worked
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: up and then get over it in a matter of minutes,
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: while I can keep stewing for days even though the
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: issue has been resolved and there's nothing more to say.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: Same goes for things that people take a day or
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: two to get over, and I will need a week
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: or even better a sign of renewed trust, closeness, or
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: love from the other person. I've been trying to work
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: on it, but I'm not really sure how to do
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: that in a way that feels authentic. Meditating and breathing
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: feel like a way to put away feelings, but they
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: often only work for a short time, and when I'm
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: in that zone, I'm usually too worked up for that.
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: For context, I'm generally an anxious person, and I've been
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: trying to accept myself as someone who feels emotions strongly.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: I guess this could be part of it. Any advice
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: would be welcome. Pronouns are he and him signed?
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: Be gay? Do crimes?
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, this is an interesting one.
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: I'm with you on this, by the way, stuff, Yeah, okay,
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: so you guys dwell, Yeah, this used.
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: To be a thing with Peter and I when we
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: would get into an argument or something, so it was
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: kind of resolved. Peter always no, I have a way.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: We kind of got we We've over years worked on this,
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: and this is what I'm curious with b gay, and
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: that is in the beginning, we get in the argument
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: and Peter would stew on it for days. He's like
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: that night or the next one, I'm like, all right, cool,
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: like just onto the next thing, and he's just still
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: like sitting in the emotion a lot, whether that's just regulation,
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: whether that maybe he's still upset, like I don't know.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: I didn't ask.
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: I'm just kidding, I don't know.
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: I didn't give a fun I didn't care. I'm trying
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: to tell me. I wasn't listening.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: In the garage, but we actually would on something that
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: popped up, something that popped up this last week that
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: kind of resurfaced it in a in a weird way,
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: which is that Peter comes from a family and I
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: know they don't listen to this, so I'm not worried
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: about sharing. He comes from a family that was very
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: critical or very like you you have to do things right,
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: and like there is a right way to do things
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: and this is it and if you step out a
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: line or mess up, that's bad, right, And there's like
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: some religious undertones that are overtones. I should say that
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: come came with that for him. I don't know that
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: everybody has that aspect, but when you're a kid, when
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: you think about like God, there's heaven, there's hell, Like
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: there were heavy weights on these like are you doing
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: the right thing? Like until you can process it as
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: an adult, and as we know, childhood is where a
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: lot of our personality develops. It's where our brain's developing,
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: and these are all the things that express themselves into adulthood.
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: So any type of criticism is carried like a heavy
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: a heavy load for him. So what happened just this
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: last week? I wasn't I was being an idiot. So
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: we came into the house and I was like, oh,
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: I'm going to get the crockpot out to like start
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: dinner or whatever. So I'm pulling out Peter's l I
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: have my hands full. He's like, I can grab it,
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: and I was like, no, I got it, and I
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: pulled and I forgot that in eternal it's hard to explain.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: I thought it was all locked together, but the inner
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: like ceramic part.
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: Fell out, shattered and it broke.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: Oh no, Just immediately I was like, the fuck that
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: we've had that crock pot carried? I know, right?
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: Why what asshole?
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: Why did you distract me?
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I'm trying to help you, not hard enough.
• 54:21
  Speaker 4: It's like they don't help the matrix. When he's meeting
• 54:25
  Speaker 4: with the oracle, It's like, what will really blow your
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: mind later is would you have done this if I
• 54:29
  Speaker 4: hadn't said what was?
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: Be careful. So it broke. Normally, even I would have
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: like been like, oh my god, like kind of beat
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: myself up over and I'm like idiot. He just offered
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: why didn't I just let him? But I was like, oh, well,
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: we have an instant pot, so like we'll just get
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: that out and use that for the crockpie. It didn't
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: disrupt dinner. Nothing's disrupted. It just sucks that I broke
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: our crock pot that was a wedding gift from ours
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: in twenty fourteen. So like oops. So we go and
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: sit down and Peter even is sitting with us. In
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: the moment, I was like okay, and he's like, I
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: don't know, because that made me feel really emotional. He goes,
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: I think because I'm thinking if I would have done that,
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: I would be like really upset with myself right now,
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: like he's talking through his own.
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: Sure, but not You're fine, Yeah, I'm like, well, because
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: I would be haunted by this. So what if you
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: are a psychopath?
• 55:19
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: So that's like a separate story. But what I started
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: doing with Peter early on was when he would hold
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: on to a lot of these emotions, I would do
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: a lot of reassurance. So it's going up to them
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: and saying like, hey, just because something messed up, maybe
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: you booked the hotel wrong, like in this because I
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: know the writer's being big, which I love that because
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: they're probably trying to not Yeah, like nobody's at fault.
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: It just you messed up whatever or something got messed up.
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: But like, let's say your partner's the one who, yeah,
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: booked the hotel wrong or did something like quote wrong.
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: They hold on to that and they're sitting with that,
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: and it's like a lot of reassurance helped and reminding
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: them like you're not a bad person because you booked
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: the hotel wrong, the hotel wrong, like you're still smart,
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: you're still really like caring. It's you're thoughtful, like you
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: do things right all the time, Like this is just
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: one thing. Look we're okay, Look we booked another hotel room.
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: It's kind of just repeating a lot of them.
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: So the answer writer's marry a therapist. I think that's
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: the move.
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: That's why he went so along without therapy. Thank god
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: he finally got it. That's not my job, but yeah,
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of reassurance comes with that, and
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: the writer even kind of Vigay's touched on that. He's like, oh, well,
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: my partner held my hands and like there was love
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: that was felt there. But it sounds like you were
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: even maybe needing a little bit more. So it doesn't
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: have to be your your partner, your person who's telling
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: you this. I My advice is you need to go internal.
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: And you mentioned some meditation, which I like, but that
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: needs to be your self talk coming into play and
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: reminding you yourself like whatever it is that's happening in
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: the moment. I'm valuable. I'm not a fuck up, but
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: I'm usually the positive things, like I know how to
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: book hotel room. This was just a mistake. It's a
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: one time thing. We're all safe, we're all here, it's
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: all good.
• 56:59
  Speaker 4: I do like the exploration of figuring out like why
• 57:03
  Speaker 4: does this bother me? And the ability to kind of
• 57:05
  Speaker 4: sit with it and think about it, because like for me,
• 57:11
  Speaker 4: I can kind of relate to your example with Peter
• 57:14
  Speaker 4: in that, like the things that upset me usually have
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: to do with expectations I have for myself versus expectations
• 57:21
  Speaker 4: I have for other people or expectations that other people.
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: Have for me.
• 57:25
  Speaker 4: Right, you know, like if this situation we're reverse, yeah,
• 57:29
  Speaker 4: I'd be mad myself. Also if the situation we're reverse,
• 57:35
  Speaker 4: you would be upset with me too, And are you
• 57:38
  Speaker 4: treating me differently than I'm treating you? And do I
• 57:41
  Speaker 4: feel like this is fair both ways? And so like
• 57:43
  Speaker 4: there's a lot of stuff that you kind of when
• 57:45
  Speaker 4: something happens, Like there's a lot of shit that you
• 57:47
  Speaker 4: have to process and kind of understand and think through,
• 57:50
  Speaker 4: like where's the emotion coming from? But then also the
• 57:53
  Speaker 4: other wrench to throw in the system too, is that
• 57:57
  Speaker 4: people some people are faster than that at that then
• 58:01
  Speaker 4: other people are right because like I'm pretty quick with it,
• 58:05
  Speaker 4: Like I can sit and I can think about it,
• 58:07
  Speaker 4: and I'm very easily I can I can easily kind
• 58:10
  Speaker 4: of shut down the emotion and go into like thinking
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: and think really hard about what's happening and process it
• 58:17
  Speaker 4: in the moment or shortly after the moment, Whereas like
• 58:21
  Speaker 4: Laura on the other hand, like she doesn't have that,
• 58:27
  Speaker 4: she doesn't have that to be able to do it
• 58:29
  Speaker 4: in the moment. It's not until like several days later
• 58:33
  Speaker 4: where she's like, I know I have an emotional reaction.
• 58:37
  Speaker 4: I don't know why, And it's not until several days
• 58:40
  Speaker 4: later when she's had some time to kind of settle
• 58:42
  Speaker 4: down and think about it, where she's like.
• 58:44
  Speaker 3: Oh, this is what bothered me about it, and then
• 58:46
  Speaker 3: she can.
• 58:49
  Speaker 4: So like everybody has kind of their own time scale
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: and how quickly they're able to get through things.
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: Like and it's going to take you to get over
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: the paint on the base boards? What was that rebuilt
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: when I happened?
• 59:04
  Speaker 4: Still though, yeah, I only have a few regrets. Yeah,
• 59:06
  Speaker 4: you know what, honestly I I forgot about it for
• 59:09
  Speaker 4: forty five minutes.
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, back up, ware, I go.
• 59:15
  Speaker 4: But like even for me, like even when I've processed
• 59:19
  Speaker 4: it and I understand where the emotion is coming from,
• 59:21
  Speaker 4: sometimes it is it does take me longer to settle
• 59:25
  Speaker 4: down because it feels like, especially if it's an argument
• 59:29
  Speaker 4: between you know, your significant other, where it's like when
• 59:32
  Speaker 4: it's a fight, you feel like like you kind of okay,
• 59:35
  Speaker 4: like I drew my.
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: Gun, yes the defense right right, Okay, so.
• 59:38
  Speaker 4: My gun is up, and now we've settled this and
• 59:41
  Speaker 4: we understand this is just a misunderstanding. Now let's lower
• 59:45
  Speaker 4: our guns. It's like yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, you're lower
• 59:49
  Speaker 4: your guns slowly, slowly, you know, and it takes me
• 59:53
  Speaker 4: longer to put that back in the holster, I think
• 59:57
  Speaker 4: than other people do.
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: I relate to the writer too, because talking about anxiety,
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: I think this is a thing too, Like sometimes your
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: sympathetic nervous system gets like activated, ye and just because
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: you've rationally resolved whatever triggered you and you realize like
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: logically you're no longer in danger, everything's okay, there's this
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: like yeah, like this residue right where it's like my body,
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: my brain is still in this fight or flight mode
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: or still active and still keeps coming back to the
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: theory and wants to be reassured. And to get that
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: part of you, that nervous system response to like deactivate
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: it does require some of the skills that you're both
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: talking about, like sitting down with yourself, reframing what it
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: is that you're frightened about, like doing some self soothing,
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: trying to kind of go back over it, which is
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: also exhausting, and like I really envy people like I
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: talk about it in therapy as like having sticky brain,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: you know, versus like nonstick like almost like these different
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: cooking surfaces, So like sticky brained people like things do
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: not bounce off of them, like you know, you say something,
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: it sticks to them, Like I still remember fucking reviews
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: from seven years ago, you know, like that shit Will.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: I'm constantly haunted by, like every weird fight we should do.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 3: Jesus, do you want me to cry?
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: Is that what we're doing? Is this just get Jim
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: to cry episode? It's not as hard as you think.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: It should be. How many stars was this review?
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 2: Just read any random review and how many stars do
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: you think this was?
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 3: All of you?
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: But yeah, like sticky brained people like the writer like
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 2: me it, like Peter probably like it. It just it's
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: one of these things where when it hits us, even
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: if logically, like in Peter's case, like logically I didn't
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: drop the fucking you know crocos you did this, you know, Yeah,
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: but there's this alertness that happens inside of us where
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: all of a sudden, our nervous system activates, and it's
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: not easy to just put it away. And so when
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: the writer talks about like I was activated at the hotel.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: The situation was resolved, and my partner can be like, great,
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: situations resolved. Now I can go back to business I can't.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: And then it's like, why do you see him on edge?
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: Why do you seem like they.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 3: Can tell your activated?
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: And it is it's because the nervous system is kind
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: of activated, and it takes time for you to go
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: through this like recalibration, this reset, which I think is
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: biological and cognitive.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 4: So that was my next question. I think of the
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 4: writer's question too. It's like, A can you change that?
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 4: Can you speed up that process? And B would you
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 4: want to even if you could? Yes, yeah, I wish
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 4: I could.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: I wish I could flick a switch and reboot. I
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: wish I could just I consider it like an anxiety
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: refractory period, if you will. You know, I wish a
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: nap in a sandwich would just make me ready to
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: go again.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 3: You know, it'd be great.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: But no, I can't get back to baseline, And so
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: there is this like lingering thing for me.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: Writer.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: One of the things that I think really helps and
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: this kind of echoes Witnick and Whitney said it gives
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: a name to it, but it's using cognitive behavioral therapy.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: So like sitting down with myself and asking what are
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: your emotions telling you is happening?
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: Now and what's factually happening right now, Like going through
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 2: that feelings versus fact filter where it's like I didn't
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: drop the crock pot.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 3: My wife did.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: She's disappointed in it, but it's okay. I didn't do
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: anything wrong. I offered to help. She's not holding me
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: personally accountable. What feeling am I really feeling disappointed and startled?
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 3: Okay? I feel startled.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: I feel disappointed because that was something that we've had
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: for a long time. I wish that hadn't happened. That's unfortunate,
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: but like I need to do that to put myself
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: through those paces of like recognating what is happening, what's
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: happening around you? And I have to come back to
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: that multiple times. Yes, And it's like sitting there, like
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: you know, petting this like startled cat that's like, hey,
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: everything's okay. I know there was like a dish fell
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: over here, and like your hair is on end and
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: like you're just really tense, like trying to reach everything's okay.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 2: Like I have to do that with my brain multiple
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: times before my brain can kind of move on.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 3: Also, you know, there's cognitive reframing.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 4: That's because as Whitney was telling the story about this
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 4: crock pot that broke that was a wedding gift. My
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 4: mind was like, wow, you guys have been married long
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 4: enough where your wedding gifts are breaking. Yeah, mine, we're
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 4: all still new.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 3: What a mile stone?
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I wish I was married long enough to break
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 4: wedding gifts.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: Next to me, I was trying to get a new blender.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: Peter's like, why are still works? It's from our weddings.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: Some ninja blenders like this one still works. I mean
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: it is like disgusting and whatever. But I'm like, well
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: it does.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: Nick received dairy products for his wedding that he could still.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: Holy ships still good.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 4: Okay, Wow, you're a DELI really stepping it up. Guess
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 4: we gotta divide up all this right, who gets this
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 4: head of lettuce?
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: No, I do think it happened. I do think it
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: happens sooner, like like so then this other example, when
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: we're in Costco the other day, Peter is backing up
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: and something weird happened where the car. Our car beeps
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: when it backs like something's behind it. But it happened
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: so quick, like I thought he backed into the car
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: thing and our car immediately like stopped. So I thought
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: we had hit it because I was in the passenger
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: seat and Peter's like cool as a cucumber. For a minute,
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: I was like, this is our quote new car is
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: not that new anymore, but like to us, it's still
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: brand fucking new. I'm like our new car. I'm like
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: what we've And this was a moment I was very aware.
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: It was like, Okay, how am I going to respond
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: to this right now? I don't want to send him
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: right but I was like, what just happened? I was like,
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: did you not put the brakes like it was beeping?
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: He's like I did, I did put the brakes on.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: He's like very calm.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: So I was like, all right, we'll just get home
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: and see what happened. We get home, there's zero damage
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: on our cars, Like, how the hell is there zero damage?
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: That thing's metal, Like I don't know, And so he
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: was like, well, I think we hit the trash can,
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: like the plastic red trash can lurk and buy the
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: car thing. So it made a sound, and our car
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: did stop because it has automatic things in place that
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: like force it to stop, So I thought that was
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: us hitting it. But I think our car stopped.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: Yep. It's like some of like the auto breaking feels
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 3: like you hit something. HiT's so sudden.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So he was realizing, no, we didn't hit something,
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: but I'm thinking we definitely hit something. So we get
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: home and I was like, oh before we got home,
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: not even knowing the damage, I was like just immediately
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: went to like, well, it's okay, we'll see the damage, like,
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: keep it chill, it's helpful. And he's like yeah, and
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: he was just so childering it. We went and looked
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: there was no damage. I was like, okay, well it's
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: all good then, and watching that, I was like, that
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: would have been a whole different thing if we were
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: twenty five versus like, oh sure forty you know. So
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: it's it's I don't know. I guess I say that
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: to encourage you. I know that's a long frame of
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: like time frame to share that there's been improvement, but
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: there can be improvements in that that reaction.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 4: I think the key of that too is both people
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 4: working together and knowing each other's patterns.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and coming to your partner and saying you like,
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: I'm struggling. I know this is a me thing. This
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: is not a you thing. And I also don't want
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 2: to always make it your problem. But here are some
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: things externally that do help, Like here's my medicine.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 3: I do need to be.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: Reassured feeling their internal child.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: I think that there's something about that, So writer, I
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: love that you did that, that you told your partner
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm feeling off. I'm feeling a little you know,
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: I don't know, like the alarm systems are still going
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 2: even though the fire's out. Can you just kind of
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: be present with me and help reassure me? And I
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 2: do think that that goes a long way to restore
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 2: sort of that parasympathetic nervous system of like standby mode,
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 2: everything's okay. And that's a very relatable thing. I think
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 2: everybody kind of relates to that. But you know, cognitive reframing,
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: coming back to those CBT skills and you you are
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 2: a patron, you've been a long time support of the show,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 2: your therap producer. In our library at patroon dot com
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: slash therapy at the very top, there's a post that's
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 2: pinned that says start here. Go through that library. We
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: have a section that's just labeled skills.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 3: I think and in.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 2: There we have several deep dives where we go through
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: cognitive behavioral therapy step by step and go through different
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: kinds of skill work that we do with our patients
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: that is specifically designed to sit down with that discomfort
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: and have a conversation with it so you can feel
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: that you've metabolized it, so you've chewed through that energy
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: and gotten to the other side of it. That is
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 2: one way that will accelerate this.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: I think that that's what you can do on a
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 2: human level. Some people have those physical reboots where they'll
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: go take a hot shower, you know, they'll go to
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 2: a bump of coke, you know, just like little things
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 2: that just come, yeah, rub one out. That's yeah, it's
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: on one on one self care, you know. So these
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: are all really good moves. But you know, it is
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 2: a very relatable thing. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with you
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 2: in that situation. Some people refer to people like us
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: as like highly sensitive people. There's all these other like
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 2: names like high EQ. At the end of the day,
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 2: I think we're just people with anxiety and our sympathetic
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: nervous system flies in situations and it's wrong sized and
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 2: then it takes a lot to get that thing back
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: in the cage. And so that's just what you're going through.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: But the more you work at it, the better you get,
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: and the more like quick tricks you discover that actually help.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 3: You solve them.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 2: So, all right, we are going to take a quick break,
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 2: and when we come back, we might be answering a
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: third question. We might be wrapping up the show depends
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 2: on how long Nick stupid ass Trivia goes. You're listening
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 2: about there.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 4: Today's episode is brought to you by Jase and your
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 4: believe are Richard Mason, Sonny Boy of Market Scoops, Motherfucker,
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 4: Saner mcwamble, Lena Gabriella, Damia Adamore and BK do crimes
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 4: and knock here nightly.
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 3: Would you exqus sorrow first?
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 4: You would your pretre picture in dot com slash therapy
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 4: sold lady.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 3: In the front row. Why do you keep coughing into
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 3: the goddamn mic? You can move your hand.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: He's an old man now.
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Jesus, I'm so sorry. I'm so glad we don't
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: wear headsets anymore.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: You know, you don't you know, all these humans that
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: listen to us have to write a bad review, but
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: give us five starts.
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 3: Okay. Our song is The Wanderer by Dion.
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: Can you see it for me?
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah? I'm a few bars. Uh, Jim, why is it
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 3: me starting again? Like Jacob start again?
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 4: I won the Last Round one more Time by Daft Punk?
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 4: Did that come before or after Dion? I don't know Dions.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 3: I believe he was. He used to be with Dion
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: and the Belmonts. I'll say after.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 4: Uh, let's see. No, I'm not going to do that one.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 4: Let's do uh, here we go. Uh, Whitney, don't dream
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 4: it's over by crowded House.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 3: I don't know this one. Know that song man? We
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 3: got the weeds quick on this. We'll give you a
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 3: different one.
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: No one knows different.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah that's fair. Yeah, doesn't light my fire? By the
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 3: Doors by Johnny Cash. Go back and listen to Jim
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 3: Morrison had some low notes on it. Oh yeah, Jim
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 3: Morrison may be the best front man in Rocket Roll history.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 3: So short, so short lived. Yeah, such a small but
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 3: like he really might have been. He was incredible. You're
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 3: going to before Wanderer. Yeah, Whitney's out.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 2: Oh I would like to take after Wanderer, please, Jim
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: Black Hole Sun by Seventh Guard, and I'm comparing that
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: to Jim Morrison.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 3: No Wanderer by Dion and One More Time by Daft Punk.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, you gotta put it in line. Uh give
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: me before Daft Punk and after Dion.
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, clearly, yeah, yeah, it was not.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: Taking a long time because of me. He's over there.
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 2: Hemin and Han are wrong.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: You didn't know that.
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 3: Jacob man Eater by Hauling Notes. Man, it's one of
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 3: the worst songs ever made. Um, it's after Dion. It
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 3: is it's what or the other and give him clues.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 4: Black Hole Sun by Sound Garden and One More Time
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 4: by Daft Punk.
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 3: It is what song am I talking about again? Man Eater?
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 3: I think it's before Uh, it's before, it's before that
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 3: other one. It's it's after Dion, but before the others
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 3: before sound Garden. Yes, yes, great, Oh my god, Jim fucked.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 3: Let it be by the Beatles. Oh fuck.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 4: The songs that we currently have in order are The
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 4: Wanderer by Dion, yea Man Eater by halland Oates, Black
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 4: Hole Sun by Sound Garden, One More Time by Daft.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 2: Put it between Holland Oates and Dion, Hallan Oates.
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 3: And Deon correct, fuck yourself, Jacob, Jacob, what fuck you?
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 3: Right the face?
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 4: Let's go with Love is all Around by Wet Wet Wet,
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 4: Love is all.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: Around God, Love is all around me.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 3: List list them off in order.
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 4: Those those two songs started the same year, so I'm
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 4: gonna have to back up. I'm gonna give you no,
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 4: let's go with Purple Rain. Okay, so start started the
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 4: old ones and order of the ones we got Okay.
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 3: Man Eater, Black Hole Sun one more time?
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: What about the Beatles?
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that was the wrong song. We got that one wrong,
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 3: so I took it out. I said, no, yeah, Jim
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 3: got that one right, the Beatles one? Yeah?
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 4: Oh sorry the wanderer who's sucking up the game again?
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 4: Man Eater, black Hole Sun one more time?
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 3: And what song of I put it in there? Purple Rain?
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 4: I think Purple Rain is after man Eater, yeah, before
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 4: black Hole Sime? Yes, correct, dude, this is getting so complicated. Sorry,
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 4: I'm going to start. This is partially.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 3: Help feel partially responsible. Horrible idea of a game, mister
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 3: tambourine man by.
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 2: The birds, Let me go after black Hole Sun?
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 4: No, no, darn.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 3: Earlier. Yes, correct you. I'm fine with taking the l
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 3: for everybody's sake.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 2: All right, we are going to wrap up this first episode.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 3: Of the new year just the way we drew it up,
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 3: exactly the way we plan.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 2: And as we wrap up this show, we want to
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 2: remind you could set up a Patreon dot com slash therapy.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 2: You can get our extended show ad free a day earlier.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 2: Enjoy our eight year library of bonus content and all
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 2: the additional content that we will be releasing this year,
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: as well as immediate access to our discord community. Enjoy
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: live chatting with a lot of lovely people that or
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: pro mental health that like to sing and dance along
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: with our show, and you will have fun talking to
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 2: them and forming a real community.
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 3: You should check it out. But here as we kick off,
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 3: can I just say too, it's not too late to
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 3: jump in on the pod therapy Fitness Challenge, Fitness Challenge
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 3: and yo.
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 4: But if you're interested, mentalfit personal training dot com slash
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 4: pod therapy. Today is January first. We're our first workout
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 4: is actually January second, so you still have.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: Time, all right, I like it, and so we've got
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 2: some new therapods and kick off this month. I'm go
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 2: in a list all the therapods, but who's new to the
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 2: therap party there?
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 3: Nick fuck, I just put it it's Reese welcome.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 2: And also thanking all of our therapods. University, Jeff Robert, Paulson,
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 2: Richard Bruins, Linda Brandmeyer, Scoops You're Not, Joseph Bengrazio, Corey Owens,
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 2: Christine Phillips, Gavin Bristow, Carrie Terrhark, Cae we Fruit, Scoop,
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: take It, Evy Podcast, Craig Little, Jim Hunter, scoop Atron,
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: Todd Canfield, David Sorenson, Felicia Butler, Shayla Bullock, Lauren is O,
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: Katie Chiwakowski, Lee Popsicle, Adam Pettanouzo, Matt's Lenegren, Scoopiter, ascending that,
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 2: Josh Guy, What Weekend, MoMA, Ninja Scoop, James Dawson, Julius Cappell,
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 2: Grumpy Lake, Mead Park Ranger, Sarah Olo Samba, Karen McCulloch, Lyla,
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 2: Kelly Gagner, Nippy, Brian Emra, Matthew Johnson, Chimmist, Alec Lancaster,
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 2: j D Congin, Matthias Van de Brandt. A literal Pickle,
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 2: Ken Tinsley, Flindy Smells Funny, Joel McMillan, Drew Hellig, Duffy
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 2: The AMFT Therapist, Bear Matthew Cubic, Chad Chad, the Safety
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 2: Lad Walker, Fluke Almost Doctor Nurse, Joey Kirka Grim, Philip Guiton,
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 2: Tim Mystery, Freelawson, Kristin Robbins, Melissa Lgeisler, Tricia Ortiz, dj
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 2: Sewart Mississippi Hippie Scott A, Paddy Glad, Anthony Camarada, Fee Fee,
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: Heather w Trontastic, Kyle David, Williams, Kate Police, Buddy Dobbins,
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 2: Eric Dyer, Curnipillar, Glitch, Scoop, Nathan, Mookie, bug Nuts, Stephen Landon,
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 2: Alita blaz Persephonie Hazard, Adam Bala's, John Finlayson, Kenneth Wong,
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 2: Carmen Perry, k, Pizzle Dizzle, Robert Cole, kJ Mister Poth,
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 2: Jeff Darnelsonsidium, Temporary Reality, Jamibi, Jacob Hurt, What does Scoop mean?
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 2: Ray j Shark, Silka Daniels Recreated, Jacob Billingsley, Alex Jardine,
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 2: Ben Sherman, k Trauma, Nice Name, Dylan Calloby Sherry Hare
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 2: Wolfio five, Chris Courtney, Cedar, Hayden, Linus, Hakkasan, Adam Goff,
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 2: Kevin Tribe, Livy Terrible, Tay, Grace Aisling a Ashling. Oh,
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 2: thanks for the parentheses. Carl Carton nailed it, Anybody, Chicken Farmer,
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 2: Sam k Matthews, Chill Food, John Cavaradas, Zachary W Foxy,
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 2: Sally Sam and Scoop Winters, Scoop, Zelda, Ray Skywalker, Cloudy Pies,
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 2: Hunter McCrae, Almand Nora, Charm City Therapist, Emily Cope, Jareva,
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 2: Nate Walk, Scoop, Bucky, Squabby, the Lastian, I like that,
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 2: Hannah Ama, Joshua Schaltz, Matthew Connor, Neck Pubes and Dre's
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 2: I don't know, the Wonders, wing Edings, the Widele Shittle,
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 2: Titty Kitty, Mike Lush, Kyle Sharton, Rene g Matt Bob,
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 2: Peas and Clams and Sunrise.
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: We also have Thera doctor.
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 4: Oh, we got a new third actor, Dale the King.
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 1: Thanks on there, that's all right, okay, Scoop Brady I, Splee, Scoop,
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: Brian Laman, Andrea Anderson, Frozen Cusser, Scoop Lindsey Lorie Elsroth,
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: Polygon Sishawnagan, Scoopy Scooby, just Ess, Okie Scoop, Dank Butta
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: brooks Lyle, Adam Ritchik, Lovely spark Yoe Time, Jim and Manu,
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: the Offices of Counselor and Counselor, a quisti quissant Casey
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 1: Freaking Mentor, Love you Bitch, milk Boy Dale, the King
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: and momy d Mate.
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 2: And would like to thank the Benevolent Revere, generous and
• 1:18:44
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• 1:18:47
  Speaker 2: much they give till it hurts our therap partner Pickett.
• 1:18:51
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• 1:18:53
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• 1:18:56
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• 1:19:00
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• 1:19:09
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• 1:19:12
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• 1:19:15
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• 1:19:19
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• 1:19:23
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• 1:19:27
  Speaker 2: Sean Sutherland, Max the Ginger, Scoop, Chad mag Adam Woarren Incle,
• 1:19:30
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• 1:19:34
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• 1:19:35
  Speaker 4: Ardvark And if you would like to hear this episode
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 4: un cut in unedited, then why wouldn't you and enjoy
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 4: our spontaneous side projects. Go to patroon dot com slash
• 1:19:44
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• 1:19:45
  Speaker 2: I love that Amy Ardvark joined our discord and named
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 2: herself Amy Ardvark the way I say it, I love
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 2: it anyway. That's all the time we got for this
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 2: week's session. Welcome to season nine. We're kicking off a
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 2: new year. Get your ass down to patreon dot com
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 2: slash therapy. Support our fucking show, make it possible for
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 2: an year, Join all the Shenanigans behind the scenes, and
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 2: join our community. Share everything you do with us on
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 2: all of our social media's. It's at pot Therapy Guys
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 2: on Facebook and Instagram slash pot therapy also on Facebook,
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 2: I Live the first time, and we're everywhere else.
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 3: We're on Blue sky Grinder. Just look us up, you'll
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 3: find us.
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 4: Do you want to send me a question to the
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 4: show and you can ask anonymously at pots therapy tod net,
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 4: email us at pot therapy guys at gmail dot com,
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 4: or click the link in the episode descriptions to be
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 4: taken to anonymous Google form.
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 3: I'm Nick, I'm Jim. Thanks, we'll see you for your
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 3: appointment next week. Good show. Fuck you're Trivia, You're terrible.
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 2: Truth.
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 3: They can't all be hits, that's right. Goodbye,