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Transcript

“Lewis Howes Part 1: Creating New Belief Systems” · Dos Amigos

0:05
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. Fred Hey, and this is
0:10
Speaker 1: one moan about drama.
0:11
Speaker 2: I'm very excited, very special, very special episode for us.
0:16
Speaker 1: We were going to do it in a very refreshing
0:19
Speaker 1: new start in the show.
0:22
Speaker 2: But Freddy, expectively, you know, has started our episode officially,
0:26
Speaker 2: so because we're talking.
0:29
Speaker 1: Man, yes, I know he's dropping the jewels. Man, I
0:32
Speaker 1: gotta get it on camera.
0:34
Speaker 2: Well as you know, Uh, those Amigos is not technically
0:38
Speaker 2: a show where you know, it's like you know, it's
0:41
Speaker 2: not it's not it's not heavy relighting on on the
0:44
Speaker 2: stories of of our guests.
0:47
Speaker 1: We were kind of explored so much of our lives.
0:49
Speaker 2: But in the conversation of our lives, yes, certain individuals
0:53
Speaker 2: have popped up and we're like, I ever had someone
0:56
Speaker 2: on this show. I had to be Yeah, this man
0:59
Speaker 2: right here, know and I'm sorry. I want to you know,
1:02
Speaker 2: I want to introduce Lewis House, one of the most
1:04
Speaker 2: uh just a prolific voices of inspiration.
1:08
Speaker 1: You know, what are you going going to?
1:10
Speaker 3: How many years now twelve years.
1:11
Speaker 2: Of twelve years of podcasting?
1:15
Speaker 1: You know your lunch? I mean multiple books? How many
1:18
Speaker 1: books now?
1:19
Speaker 3: Five?
1:20
Speaker 1: Five books?
1:21
Speaker 2: And uh he he's someone that is very important to me.
1:25
Speaker 1: We've we've done a pretty.
1:29
Speaker 2: Uh, pretty intensive uh we've done our best with the
1:32
Speaker 2: lives that we've had to stay connected and soultly connected
1:35
Speaker 2: in the energy.
1:37
Speaker 1: We absolutely have to do better to the end person.
1:40
Speaker 2: But our lives have taken so many different place, you know,
1:44
Speaker 2: to so many different places. And I was just excited,
1:48
Speaker 2: you know, when I was talking New Freddy about about you,
1:52
Speaker 2: I just wanted to start by saying that, you know,
1:54
Speaker 2: you started out exploring some of the greatest minds that
1:59
Speaker 2: have inspired the plan on it have inspired different sectors
2:02
Speaker 2: of our worlds and interests, from sports to business, to
2:05
Speaker 2: entertainment to the spiritual world, you know, and all that.
2:09
Speaker 2: And and I was telling him many years ago that
2:13
Speaker 2: for me, the more I watched everything he did, the
2:15
Speaker 2: more I realized that the attention went from some of
2:18
Speaker 2: the amazing voices that he was carrying on his show
2:21
Speaker 2: to like, what does he think his perspective perspective because
2:25
Speaker 2: he's been able to really summerse himself in so many philosophies,
2:28
Speaker 2: and you know, we're very big in philosophy over here,
2:30
Speaker 2: you know, so for us was very excited to kind
2:33
Speaker 2: of explore that and to basically you know, in many ways.
2:36
Speaker 2: So it's give you, give you your flowers. You know,
2:39
Speaker 2: you Bob lifted. You've changed so many people's lives. You've
2:42
Speaker 2: inspired so many people to shade their own selves and
2:46
Speaker 2: become better versions of themselves. And you have had your
2:51
Speaker 2: own transformative process too, you know. And I think in
2:53
Speaker 2: the process of hearing all this wisdom, applying it to
2:56
Speaker 2: your life and understanding we're all going to make the mistakes,
2:59
Speaker 2: We're all gonna have an appeal battle with certain things
3:02
Speaker 2: that you know match or not match other people's journeys.
3:04
Speaker 1: You know, it's what you take from it. So I
3:06
Speaker 1: was excited.
3:07
Speaker 2: I literally texted him two seconds He says, yes, what time,
3:10
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, okay, fine.
3:13
Speaker 1: Up, and I just uh so, first and foremost, thank you.
3:19
Speaker 2: It's a very informal conversation about inspiration and things like that,
3:22
Speaker 2: but also kind of like our.
3:23
Speaker 1: Way to, you know, to to say thank you.
3:26
Speaker 2: You know, I appreciate it for the stuff that you've
3:27
Speaker 2: done for so many communities.
3:29
Speaker 3: And Puppy can go yeah, almost that's the new podcast.
3:39
Speaker 4: One thing I appreciate about you, and hopefully we'll get
3:42
Speaker 4: to connect more for it in the future, buddy, even
3:45
Speaker 4: though you're so busy doing all the projects that you're
3:47
Speaker 4: doing and fatherhood, married, all these different things. We unfortunately
3:53
Speaker 4: we haven't seen each other that frequently, but when we do,
3:57
Speaker 4: we go really deep, so it feels like a strong
4:00
Speaker 4: bond and it feels like I just saw you, even
4:02
Speaker 4: though it was a couple of years ago.
4:03
Speaker 3: We text, we call, but it's like seeing each other.
4:06
Speaker 4: It just feels like I just saw you because of
4:08
Speaker 4: that bond that we go deep.
4:10
Speaker 3: When we do talk and I do pick.
4:12
Speaker 2: Up or we left off, it's it's still just as
4:15
Speaker 2: you know, as as as profound you know, and uh
4:19
Speaker 2: and you know you you really and I and I
4:22
Speaker 2: don't say this often at all, and you know, many
4:25
Speaker 2: fifteen plus episodes so far and you know more, you
4:28
Speaker 2: haven't really said this, but there's very very few individuals
4:32
Speaker 2: at at the meeting have stayed with me in such
4:35
Speaker 2: a philosophical in such an insightful way. And your honesty,
4:41
Speaker 2: your energy, your way, your heart is open, and we're
4:43
Speaker 2: going to explore so many of those things today in
4:45
Speaker 2: this conversation and really understanding you know, the the where
4:48
Speaker 2: you came from, where you were, you know, and how
4:51
Speaker 2: you got here because it's so important for us to
4:55
Speaker 2: really humanize you know, you know that destination.
4:58
Speaker 1: But anyways, Freddy, you have any and to understand the journey.
5:02
Speaker 5: Well, but before we started the show, we realized that
5:05
Speaker 5: we're both too Midwest guys.
5:07
Speaker 3: Yeah.
5:08
Speaker 5: We were just kind of talking about the values Midwest
5:10
Speaker 5: values and the way that we roll speak.
5:12
Speaker 3: To everyone in line.
5:13
Speaker 5: It's a very specific thing, yes, yes, that time, Like
5:17
Speaker 5: you know, you got East Coast people, you got West
5:19
Speaker 5: Coast people, but there's something very specific about Midwest.
5:22
Speaker 1: And when when he said that, I was like, ah, okay, yeah, yeah,
5:25
Speaker 1: we're speaking the same language. So you were born in Ohio.
5:28
Speaker 3: Small town, Delaware, Ohio.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, in Delaware, Ohio.
5:31
Speaker 3: And so what I lived in the Northwest suburbs for
5:34
Speaker 3: a summer. Okay, in Chicago, you did.
5:36
Speaker 4: I lived in Northwest suburbs. Yeah, where about Arlington Heights Okay?
5:40
Speaker 4: And I played college football there a few Diman times
5:42
Speaker 4: where it was a Naperville.
5:43
Speaker 3: I played a playoff game there. So I've been around Chicago.
5:45
Speaker 4: I've been to Wrigley games and the bleachers, shirt off,
5:48
Speaker 4: the whole thing.
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Speaker 3: Nice man and so.
5:50
Speaker 4: Waste of Chicago. Fourth of July, Taste of Chicago, all
5:54
Speaker 4: that stuff I lived.
5:55
Speaker 5: I'm I'm I'm going to start this off by saying,
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Speaker 5: I'm a fan. Okay, I've watched your stuff in the past,
6:00
Speaker 5: and I've been really intrigued about your trajectory and where
6:06
Speaker 5: you started and where you out now. I was just
6:08
Speaker 5: out right before we got here, I was watching some
6:10
Speaker 5: of your latest episodes and us being too Midwest. It's
6:14
Speaker 5: like you all of a sudden interviewing people like a monk,
6:19
Speaker 5: or like Billy Carson, or.
6:20
Speaker 1: Like, like, what's that trajectory?
6:23
Speaker 5: Like how do you go from being a kid like
6:26
Speaker 5: me from the Midwest, right with those particular values and
6:30
Speaker 5: those particular mindsets, right? And you know what I mean
6:32
Speaker 5: by sure, right to expanding your brain that way and
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Speaker 5: interviewing people like that.
6:38
Speaker 4: I lived with a lot of insecurity and my first
6:41
Speaker 4: my first core memories. One of my earliest memory, I
6:44
Speaker 4: think I've told you this, I've told them to my
6:46
Speaker 4: show many times, was being sexually abused by a man
6:48
Speaker 4: that I didn't know.
6:49
Speaker 3: So that was where.
6:49
Speaker 4: My my brain developed with this is the world, you know,
6:54
Speaker 4: and this is something that happened to me.
6:56
Speaker 3: So therefore I'm unlovable.
6:59
Speaker 4: I'm abusable, I'm taken for granted, I'm used all these
7:05
Speaker 4: different things. So that's what like shaped in my brain
7:07
Speaker 4: when I was eight until I was five. When I
7:09
Speaker 4: was eight, my brother went to prison for selling drugs
7:12
Speaker 4: to an undercover cop small town, Ohio. This stuff didn't
7:16
Speaker 4: happen in like a small kind of middle class, mostly white,
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Speaker 4: suburban neighborhood, and so I didn't know anyone that went
7:24
Speaker 4: to prison.
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Speaker 3: So my brother's eleven years older than me.
7:26
Speaker 4: I was eight, he was nineteen, and it was an
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Speaker 4: undercover cop that caught him asking him for LSD and
7:35
Speaker 4: he was like just kind of like buying a little
7:37
Speaker 4: weed back in the day in college. He was like,
7:39
Speaker 4: I don't know how to get it, but they kept
7:40
Speaker 4: pushing it, and so he was like, well, let me
7:42
Speaker 4: go ask someone and ask someone and then found it out.
7:44
Speaker 4: So he went to prison, sentenced six to twenty five
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Speaker 4: years because it was the war against drugs back in
7:49
Speaker 4: the early nineties, and he got off for four and
7:51
Speaker 4: a half in good behavior. But it marked my brain,
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Speaker 4: in my family's brains, and the emotions, the stress, the fear,
8:00
Speaker 4: the drama, the guilt, shame, all that stuff was mixed up,
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Speaker 4: and my parents. They loved us kids. I was the
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Speaker 4: youngest of four, but they didn't love each other, so
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Speaker 4: they didn't show love. So I was telling you before,
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Speaker 4: I was like, I never saw myself getting married because
8:14
Speaker 4: I never felt safe emotionally in a relationship. So that's
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Speaker 4: then there's multiple instances where I just never felt enough.
8:21
Speaker 4: I was in the bottom of my class all through school,
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Speaker 4: so I just felt very insecure for most of my
8:27
Speaker 4: childhood and very emotionally. My nervous system was always kind
8:32
Speaker 4: of in fire or flight. Yeah, and that just shaped
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Speaker 4: a belief system in me, and that belief system, whatever
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Speaker 4: we have, shapes and influences our behaviors. So I behaved
8:43
Speaker 4: in a way that was very anxious. I behaved in
8:47
Speaker 4: a way where I clinged on to people. I would
8:50
Speaker 4: change who I was to please people because I wanted
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Speaker 4: to feel safe and secure, and I chased things to
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Speaker 4: seek approval. I chased you know, being good in sports,
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Speaker 4: making money, girls, whatever it was, because my belief system was, Okay,
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Speaker 4: you're not good enough, you're unlovable, and people take advantage
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Speaker 4: of you.
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Speaker 3: So my behavior has just matched my beliefs. That's what
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Speaker 3: we all do.
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Speaker 4: Our beliefs influence our behaviors, and our beliefs are formed
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Speaker 4: on our the meaning we give our memories. So the
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Speaker 4: memories I had for twenty five years, I imagined myself
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Speaker 4: being sexually abused.
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Speaker 3: In a bathroom by a guy that I didn't know.
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Speaker 4: It was just kind of like a movie playing that
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Speaker 4: I would just try to block and then focus on
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Speaker 4: something else, but it was always coming up, and that
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Speaker 4: interpretation of the event, the memory created a sense of
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Speaker 4: fear within my body. My nervous system was emotionally charged
9:45
Speaker 4: and not heightened. And again that interpretation. Until I mend
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Speaker 4: or heal that memory, that's going to live inside of
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Speaker 4: me and it's going to shape my beliefs, what's going
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Speaker 4: to influence my behaviors, which is going to create.
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Speaker 3: My environment in my reality.
10:03
Speaker 4: You have stuff from childhood, if you've healed it or
10:05
Speaker 4: you haven't, it shaped you from being married to the
10:08
Speaker 4: person you're married to, from moving to LA for whatever
10:11
Speaker 4: reason you moved to LA, and maybe it was because
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Speaker 4: you had a dream, or maybe it's because you felt
10:15
Speaker 4: you need to prove something. Either way, it shaped you
10:18
Speaker 4: getting here. And it doesn't mean it's right or wrong,
10:20
Speaker 4: good or bad. It's just that's the result of our environment.
10:34
Speaker 4: You were talking about this before we started rolling. I
10:37
Speaker 4: was like, how are all the projects going? And you're like,
10:40
Speaker 4: it's good, but and you said, oh, I have to
10:44
Speaker 4: notice even just saying it's good, it's not where I
10:46
Speaker 4: want it to be.
10:47
Speaker 3: But I'm reflecting that.
10:48
Speaker 4: I'm just responding that it's good because I have an
10:51
Speaker 4: expectation that the amount of effort I put in should
10:55
Speaker 4: be getting me a certain type of result based on
10:57
Speaker 4: a comparison of what I've already had before, based on
11:00
Speaker 4: where I'm out of my career and how successful I am,
11:02
Speaker 4: or how people perceive me.
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Speaker 3: I'm just making this no.
11:05
Speaker 2: But it's actually because you're right that question triggered the.
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Speaker 4: This friend is doing this and it looks effortless and
11:12
Speaker 4: he's everywhere she's.
11:13
Speaker 1: Well, I don't. Definitely.
11:14
Speaker 2: That's one thing that I feel really healthy about is
11:16
Speaker 2: I've never compared myself to somebody else's success. But to
11:19
Speaker 2: your point, is I am comparing the success based on
11:23
Speaker 2: the image of what I feel that would be. And
11:25
Speaker 2: I think for entrepreneurs and people's way them vision, but
11:28
Speaker 2: am vision is is.
11:30
Speaker 1: Very hard to have a feel.
11:31
Speaker 2: We got there right, right, and I think the uh
11:35
Speaker 2: so when you ask the question, one of the things
11:36
Speaker 2: to your point, and very very intuitive by the way,
11:39
Speaker 2: that's louis housing if.
11:41
Speaker 1: You're tuning in right now.
11:43
Speaker 2: The it's is the ability to say, Okay, if I'm
11:49
Speaker 2: going to be honest, I'm not going to give someone
11:53
Speaker 2: that I respect and admire and love so much the
11:56
Speaker 2: answer is like.
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Speaker 1: Everything's doing really good, really great.
11:59
Speaker 3: How are you?
12:00
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna be like, it's good.
12:04
Speaker 2: You know, there is just a couple of imbalances, right,
12:08
Speaker 2: and I have to recognize those imbalances in order for
12:11
Speaker 2: me to more efficient about the next go around exactly.
12:14
Speaker 1: And so that's like, so that's why.
12:16
Speaker 2: And to your point, it does bring up things from
12:19
Speaker 2: the past, like where have I felt that I have
12:22
Speaker 2: not done enough?
12:23
Speaker 1: And now I'm doing all of it and more and
12:26
Speaker 1: it's still not enough.
12:27
Speaker 3: Right.
12:27
Speaker 5: So yeah, but it's but it's bringing up those negative imbalances.
12:31
Speaker 5: Is that projecting bad energy.
12:34
Speaker 3: Is what specifically projecting bad energy is.
12:38
Speaker 5: You know, we talk about manifestation and we talk about
12:40
Speaker 5: projecting good energy. I mean, it's it's not like lying,
12:44
Speaker 5: but it's like and this is it is me digging
12:47
Speaker 5: more into like what I've been seeing you do lately
12:50
Speaker 5: is is wie. We're being honest about what's not positive?
12:54
Speaker 5: Is that a good or a bad thing? Because by
12:57
Speaker 5: you projecting that it's bad, you are then projecting that
13:01
Speaker 5: bad energy, So.
13:02
Speaker 3: Is that bad?
13:03
Speaker 4: A lot of my yeah, a lot of my thinking
13:06
Speaker 4: is more around not is what is right or wrong,
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Speaker 4: good or bad?
13:10
Speaker 3: Because that's a very judgmental way of thinking.
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Speaker 4: And again even that is not right or wrong, good
13:14
Speaker 4: or bad, But it's not saying is what he's saying
13:17
Speaker 4: good or bad? By reflecting that way, I'm thinking more,
13:21
Speaker 4: is it serving him in this moment?
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Speaker 3: Is that way of responding thinking serving him?
13:27
Speaker 4: And it sounds like he's being authentic and in alignment
13:31
Speaker 4: with how he's feeling, so saying it's good.
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Speaker 3: It's not where I wanted to be, but it's good.
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Speaker 4: It's serving because it's in alignment with who he is
13:38
Speaker 4: right now, just being honest. Now, some people in his
13:42
Speaker 4: position might be saying, I am the effort I'm putting
13:45
Speaker 4: out there is getting a certain type of results.
13:48
Speaker 3: Sure do, I wish it was bigger. I had a
13:50
Speaker 3: book that just came out.
13:51
Speaker 4: Sure do I wish I had tens of thousands more
13:53
Speaker 4: copies sold, of course, and I can still be grateful
13:58
Speaker 4: for the impact that I'm making with you out of
14:00
Speaker 4: sales that I've had and the success that the Scott
14:02
Speaker 4: and the people that came out of whatever it is.
14:04
Speaker 4: It's like the amount of people that are watching on TV.
14:06
Speaker 4: Sure we want it to be the number one show,
14:08
Speaker 4: but it's the number three show or whatever it is.
14:10
Speaker 4: But still, man, I'm living my dreams. I live in
14:13
Speaker 4: a beautiful home. My daughter is a sleeping another room.
14:18
Speaker 4: I got my friends and family here. I'm having a
14:20
Speaker 4: conversation with dos Amigos so popp BEGINNINGO.
14:23
Speaker 3: And I'm healthy. I get to even though I wake
14:30
Speaker 3: up at five am. I get to train every single day.
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Speaker 3: What a blessing.
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Speaker 4: So I think it's perspective and it doesn't mean we
14:37
Speaker 4: can't be striving for more. But it's just striving for
14:39
Speaker 4: more because I'm not good enough, or I'm beating myself up,
14:43
Speaker 4: or I need to prove something wrong to the bullies
14:45
Speaker 4: that picked on me all through middle school or whatever,
14:49
Speaker 4: or the person who abused me or whatever it is.
14:51
Speaker 4: For so much in my life, I was driven to
14:54
Speaker 4: prove people wrong and to show people why I'm lovable,
14:59
Speaker 4: and it was just an unconscious like thing. It wasn't
15:01
Speaker 4: like I was consciously like, I'm gonna do this every
15:04
Speaker 4: single day and work my asshole, you know, and train
15:07
Speaker 4: and show up and do these things because of those
15:09
Speaker 4: four kids have made fun of me.
15:10
Speaker 3: It wasn't like was.
15:11
Speaker 2: There a moment, a conversation or an instance where you saw, oh,
15:15
Speaker 2: I just cracked it and now I'm looking within and
15:19
Speaker 2: that's enough, Like is there you know, especially when you're
15:22
Speaker 2: saying like I'm seeking approval, I'm seeking you know, I'm
15:25
Speaker 2: going in my mind, I'm still going against the bully's Like,
15:28
Speaker 2: is there a moment that cracked the ice and you
15:30
Speaker 2: were like, oh, I think I can follow that correct.
15:33
Speaker 5: Because you were saying it's unconscious, So when when does
15:35
Speaker 5: it become conscious? When do you go, oh, man, I'm
15:38
Speaker 5: a I don't know, as people please you're the right
15:40
Speaker 5: terminology or like.
15:41
Speaker 4: Percent people pleaser yeah, or people prove her. It was
15:44
Speaker 4: like trying to prove people wrong or please people to
15:47
Speaker 4: like fit in right. So it was a combination of
15:49
Speaker 4: all the mixed up emotions and all the traumas, right,
15:52
Speaker 4: I think there was there was a number of different
15:54
Speaker 4: moments in my journey over the last ten twelve years
15:57
Speaker 4: of the healing journey, because it's not a moment. There's
16:01
Speaker 4: a moment of AHA, but there's usually a process of
16:05
Speaker 4: integration and then a follow through once you get the
16:08
Speaker 4: aha of your nervous system feeling relaxed when it's emotionally
16:13
Speaker 4: or psychologically triggered in the future, so we can be
16:17
Speaker 4: we're tested every day.
16:18
Speaker 3: You know. It's like the traffic I'm here.
16:20
Speaker 4: If I had anger inside of me, I would have
16:22
Speaker 4: been enraged, because I haven't inside of me still any
16:25
Speaker 4: in a little trigger, it's going to come out of me,
16:28
Speaker 4: but it's peaceful and I know I'm coming to see him,
16:30
Speaker 4: so I'm not upset about it. There was a moment
16:33
Speaker 4: four years ago where I was going through a challenging
16:38
Speaker 4: time and a breakup, where I was in a relationship
16:40
Speaker 4: trying to figure out how to navigate it, trying to
16:42
Speaker 4: figure out how.
16:43
Speaker 3: To make it work, and it wasn't working. For like
16:44
Speaker 3: a year year and a half.
16:46
Speaker 4: We started doing therapy individually and together, and we weren't
16:49
Speaker 4: getting breakthroughs. It was like six to eight hour sessions
16:52
Speaker 4: on the weekends and no breakthrough and I felt like
16:56
Speaker 4: I had changed and transformed and reinvented and people pleased
17:01
Speaker 4: to my limit. And that had been a pattern of
17:04
Speaker 4: mine in intimacy with multiple relationships, and it all stems
17:08
Speaker 4: from a belief around these core wounds from my parents
17:13
Speaker 4: getting divorced but just never really should have been together
17:15
Speaker 4: in the first place, and having these kind of psychological
17:20
Speaker 4: emotional wounds that I had from previous relationships.
17:23
Speaker 3: Not saying that I was perfect or anything, just my
17:25
Speaker 3: own beliefs.
17:27
Speaker 4: And there was a moment where I had this chest
17:29
Speaker 4: pain for years that would come and go and it
17:31
Speaker 4: was almost felt like someone was strangling me. I don't
17:34
Speaker 4: know if you ever held this just some life. It
17:36
Speaker 4: was almost like I couldn't speak, like someone had their
17:38
Speaker 4: arm around my throat. It was like a weight of
17:41
Speaker 4: ball in my chest that would come and go in relationships.
17:46
Speaker 4: And this was here during this couple year relationship. And
17:51
Speaker 4: at one point in a therapy session, it's like my
17:55
Speaker 4: coach said something to me. After six months of going
17:58
Speaker 4: through processing, she says something to me, and it was
18:02
Speaker 4: like I finally got it, and I never felt this
18:06
Speaker 4: before in my life, but this pain, it was a
18:09
Speaker 4: ball of pain in my chest it's almost like it
18:12
Speaker 4: exploded internally. It felt like a rush of fluid throughout
18:16
Speaker 4: my whole body. I thought I did something to hurt
18:18
Speaker 4: myself because it was a rush of fluid throughout my body.
18:21
Speaker 4: I didn't know what it was and I had to
18:24
Speaker 4: really stop in the session. But I haven't felt that
18:27
Speaker 4: pain since. Wow, it's been four years, and I felt
18:31
Speaker 4: more peace within my body, and I feel like that's
18:34
Speaker 4: my nervous system feeling like the adult version of me
18:39
Speaker 4: finally said.
18:40
Speaker 3: To the young version of me, I got you.
18:44
Speaker 4: I'm not going to allow anyone to cross boundaries anymore.
18:49
Speaker 4: And it's like the littlest boundaries to the biggest boundaries.
18:53
Speaker 4: And it doesn't mean I need to react and be
18:55
Speaker 4: this big tough guy to create a boundary. It's just
18:58
Speaker 4: learning to say no, or learning to say I can't
19:01
Speaker 4: show up for you and do this, or just saying no,
19:04
Speaker 4: I can't promote whatever. It is just learning to say
19:06
Speaker 4: no and being okay with people reacting how they want
19:09
Speaker 4: to react.
19:10
Speaker 5: And can you share what the therapist said to you.
19:12
Speaker 1: That made you.
19:14
Speaker 4: I think I'm trying to remember the exact thing, but
19:16
Speaker 4: I was exercise it. There was multiple exercises, but there
19:19
Speaker 4: was there was a moment where I was like, I
19:23
Speaker 4: just want to be done with this relationship.
19:25
Speaker 3: I was just like, I just want to be done,
19:27
Speaker 3: and we were doing.
19:29
Speaker 4: Sessions and I remember saying like, I think I want
19:31
Speaker 4: to end it right now, and she said, you can
19:34
Speaker 4: do whatever you want.
19:35
Speaker 3: I'm not advising you what to do.
19:38
Speaker 4: But if you haven't felt peace within you and you
19:42
Speaker 4: just run away from the situation without creating that peace
19:46
Speaker 4: and safety within you, you're likely to reattract a similar
19:50
Speaker 4: experience and you're eventually going.
19:52
Speaker 3: To have to find a way to create peace within you.
19:54
Speaker 4: So I recommend being in the relationship and creating the
19:58
Speaker 4: boundaries in the real relationship. Then you'll know when the
20:03
Speaker 4: right time is if you're meant to be together or not.
20:05
Speaker 4: She wasn't trying to tell me what to do, and
20:09
Speaker 4: classic coach right, it's I'm giving.
20:10
Speaker 3: You the answers.
20:11
Speaker 4: And then so maybe a few weeks after that, I
20:16
Speaker 4: was creating all these boundaries in the relationship, and then
20:20
Speaker 4: I've talked to you about this stuff before and then
20:23
Speaker 4: getting the explosive reactions that I was used to and
20:26
Speaker 4: just saying I don't need to do anything I don't
20:28
Speaker 4: need to change who I am. Give me the silent
20:31
Speaker 4: treatment for three days. I'm not going to go in
20:33
Speaker 4: and fix it. I'm going to create MySpace and say
20:36
Speaker 4: I'm here to talk when you're ready to talk. All
20:38
Speaker 4: these different things, like I was creating these boundaries for
20:40
Speaker 4: the next few weeks to where I was like, oh,
20:43
Speaker 4: I'm I'm okay even if this person doesn't love me,
20:46
Speaker 4: because I'm learning to love myself. And intimacy was a
20:51
Speaker 4: challenging thing for me just because I didn't have the
20:53
Speaker 4: model or the tools on how to do that, because
20:55
Speaker 4: my belief system was shaped in a way that was
20:57
Speaker 4: very like just unstable, wasn't in alignment, and so I
21:03
Speaker 4: was always seeking love and then people please to keep
21:07
Speaker 4: the love because I.
21:08
Speaker 3: Didn't want them to be upset at me.
21:09
Speaker 4: Anytime you're upset to me, I was like, ah, don't
21:12
Speaker 4: leave me or don't be mad at me.
21:14
Speaker 3: So that I would cross my own boundary, I would
21:16
Speaker 3: not be there for me.
21:18
Speaker 4: And so the little boy inside of me was screaming
21:22
Speaker 4: at me through ezema, through your chest pain, through feeling stranged,
21:28
Speaker 4: like I'm not using my voice.
21:30
Speaker 5: So so the boundary you felt it was all me
21:33
Speaker 5: your decision to to.
21:36
Speaker 4: Make a boundary, boundaries you over and over again, and
21:39
Speaker 4: then she said something to me because I was just like,
21:42
Speaker 4: I just want peace in my life.
21:44
Speaker 3: And she looked at me and she said, you are peace.
21:48
Speaker 3: You have to you have to own peace.
21:50
Speaker 4: You can't you can't create, you can't give in to something.
21:55
Speaker 4: To have peace. You have to be piece, be peace.
22:00
Speaker 4: And she just kept saying, over and over again, you
22:01
Speaker 4: are piece.
22:02
Speaker 2: There's something there's something so empowering about saying I'm gonna
22:07
Speaker 2: meet you. I'm just not gonna meet you there, right right,
22:13
Speaker 2: most oftentimes we shake the inability for us to to
22:18
Speaker 2: act within our strengths. And when we perform or try
22:23
Speaker 2: to make reason within our weaknesses, that's where you open
22:27
Speaker 2: the door for control. Somebody can really control those emotions
22:31
Speaker 2: because they know they can get you up in that frequency.
22:33
Speaker 3: Right.
22:33
Speaker 2: So, in many friendships in the past, you know, you
22:35
Speaker 2: could tell that certain friendships of mine in the past.
22:39
Speaker 1: They wanted me to meet them here.
22:41
Speaker 2: You know, they wanted to bring me up to this
22:44
Speaker 2: level of frequency in which frankly, I didn't feel effective,
22:47
Speaker 2: I didn't feel strong, I didn't have clarity, right, So
22:51
Speaker 2: I so whatever would come out of my mouth, just
22:53
Speaker 2: could not solve it or could not enhance it or
22:57
Speaker 2: make it feel better.
22:57
Speaker 1: So what you're saying makes so much, and he tracks
23:01
Speaker 1: so much. But what we're talking about.
23:04
Speaker 2: You know, because in order for us to achieve, build,
23:06
Speaker 2: or create or just find that piece within us, Yes,
23:11
Speaker 2: you have to really understand where do you stand in
23:15
Speaker 2: strength and cultivate that because that's where you can tell
23:19
Speaker 2: that little.
23:19
Speaker 1: Boy, hey, yeah, I got it, you got you.
23:21
Speaker 4: So it was the first time where I felt like
23:23
Speaker 4: the adult was in the room, which was me, Like
23:26
Speaker 4: I showed up as my adult self within my own body,
23:31
Speaker 4: and I said, I got you.
23:33
Speaker 3: Whether this girl.
23:34
Speaker 4: Likes me or not, whether she gives me the silent
23:36
Speaker 4: treatment or not, whether we're together or not, like you're good.
23:40
Speaker 4: And I never knew I was going to be good
23:41
Speaker 4: with just me. So it was a lot of just
23:44
Speaker 4: healing the kind of wounded parts of me that never
23:49
Speaker 4: got healed. You break your arm and you never heal it.
23:52
Speaker 4: It's going to hurt every time you touch it. You know,
23:54
Speaker 4: it's gonna the wind blows, it's going to hurt your arm.
23:56
Speaker 4: It's like imagine the emotional and psychology wounds that we have,
24:02
Speaker 4: especially like you know, immigrants haven't even stronger wounds of
24:05
Speaker 4: just like I need to prove, I need to accelerate,
24:08
Speaker 4: I need to like do it for my parents.
24:10
Speaker 3: I need to get all these things. It's like men
24:12
Speaker 3: deeper levels for it.
24:13
Speaker 2: It was crazy, but by the way for it. For
24:15
Speaker 2: what's crazy for immigrants is that they may be not
24:19
Speaker 2: even a point in their lifetime where they can sit
24:23
Speaker 2: with their wounds and say, I'm going to heal that.
24:26
Speaker 1: You know, the time you don't have the time, you.
24:28
Speaker 5: Have the time or maybe or maybe schools, you know,
24:31
Speaker 5: or maybe not even understand the concept of healing.
24:35
Speaker 3: Because your parents not even talking about that.
24:37
Speaker 5: No, never, I didn't even understand the concept of healing.
24:41
Speaker 5: Just in the last like two three years, like like
24:44
Speaker 5: when did you as we were back to like the
24:46
Speaker 5: Midwest and us, right like like, at what point did
24:50
Speaker 5: you go healing is like a thing?
24:52
Speaker 3: Right, Well, it wasn't until I moved out of here.
24:54
Speaker 5: And I have to like heal these wounds in order
24:57
Speaker 5: for me to grow into and to It.
24:59
Speaker 3: Wasn't I got here.
25:00
Speaker 4: But really it wasn't until I had breakdown after breakdown
25:02
Speaker 4: after breakdown in my life about twelve years ago, and
25:06
Speaker 4: a relationship was going bad, a business partnership was going bad,
25:10
Speaker 4: and I was I was living in West Hollywood, and
25:12
Speaker 4: I was playing basketball a lot in the mean streets
25:14
Speaker 4: of West Hollywood, and I just started getting I just
25:18
Speaker 4: started getting in fights all the time to pick up basketball.
25:21
Speaker 4: But this is like, essentially in Beverly Hills. It's not
25:24
Speaker 4: like we're freaking comptent or something, you know, It's like we're.
25:26
Speaker 2: Do you think that in those moments you were trying
25:28
Speaker 2: to release something you didn't know what has.
25:30
Speaker 3: So much anger inside of me?
25:32
Speaker 4: And here's an analogy I've been talking about lately. Have
25:35
Speaker 4: you guys ever heard of someone named Wayne Dyer? You
25:37
Speaker 4: ever heard of this guy. He's written a lot of books.
25:39
Speaker 4: He's since passed, but he was used to be a
25:41
Speaker 4: big spiritual personal development guy and he has sold a
25:46
Speaker 4: ton of books, all these things.
25:47
Speaker 3: Me and Martha watch a lot of his content now.
25:49
Speaker 3: But he passed away I think seven years ago.
25:51
Speaker 4: Anyways, he used to give a speech with a great analogy,
25:55
Speaker 4: and when he would go on stage, he would take
25:56
Speaker 4: an orange out with him on stage and he'd say,
26:00
Speaker 4: look at this orange. When you squeeze this orange. What
26:03
Speaker 4: type of juice comes out of an orange? And you'd
26:05
Speaker 4: ask people what comes orange juice? So if you squeeze
26:10
Speaker 4: this orange, Freddy, does apple juice come out?
26:13
Speaker 3: Does it? Does apple just come out of an orange?
26:16
Speaker 3: It doesn't. Does grape juice come out of it?
26:18
Speaker 1: No? No?
26:19
Speaker 3: Does watermelon juice come out of an orange? No?
26:21
Speaker 1: No it doesn't.
26:22
Speaker 4: No, orange juice does. Because that's what's inside. And so
26:26
Speaker 4: when we as humans are applied pressure in life, when
26:30
Speaker 4: there's an audition and we've got to get ready for
26:33
Speaker 4: we get it or we don't get it. When there's
26:36
Speaker 4: someone calling me names, when there's traffic and someone cuts
26:41
Speaker 4: us off. Whatever, whatever comes out of us is what's
26:46
Speaker 4: inside of us. So if there's anger and resentment and
26:50
Speaker 4: jealousy and frustration when I'm applied pressure, that emotion is
26:54
Speaker 4: going to come out of me. If I'm filled with
26:56
Speaker 4: peace and love and harmony in alignment because I've done
26:59
Speaker 4: the healing work, then if I get the audition, I
27:01
Speaker 4: don't get the audition.
27:03
Speaker 3: I have a huge success. The show's number one. It's
27:05
Speaker 3: my bombs.
27:07
Speaker 4: Sure, maybe I'm a little saddered, just it's not bypassing
27:09
Speaker 4: my emotions. But anger is not inside of me. If
27:13
Speaker 4: I've healed more, and okay, I have a little disappointment,
27:17
Speaker 4: But then I'm like, you know what, did I give
27:19
Speaker 4: my best? Did I show up my best today? That's
27:22
Speaker 4: what's inside of me, That's what should come out. So
27:25
Speaker 4: what I got in all these relationships and fights and
27:29
Speaker 4: I would just get triggered so easily. Now I had
27:31
Speaker 4: a lot of love and joy inside of me as well,
27:34
Speaker 4: So when good things happened, I was like the passion guy,
27:36
Speaker 4: fun guy. But you trigger that broken arm that wound
27:40
Speaker 4: inside of me. Boom, you hit that button. It's like,
27:43
Speaker 4: let's go and defend myself. And that came from feeling
27:46
Speaker 4: abused and taking advantage of and all that stuff, needing
27:49
Speaker 4: to like defend myself.
28:00
Speaker 2: So at some point you said, I want to explore more? Right,
28:04
Speaker 2: and how was school for grade news? Because you've built
28:06
Speaker 2: an empire out of the search for greatness?
28:11
Speaker 1: How how did that idea started?
28:13
Speaker 4: It started because I was broken during this time and
28:18
Speaker 4: I was like, I need answers. Let me go find
28:21
Speaker 4: the smartest people I know and start having these conversations.
28:24
Speaker 4: And I was already having these conversations and these kind
28:27
Speaker 4: of mentors or coaches were helping me, and I was
28:29
Speaker 4: just like, people need to hear.
28:30
Speaker 5: This, And did you feel like there was a correlation
28:33
Speaker 5: between what they were all saying.
28:34
Speaker 3: Yeah.
28:35
Speaker 4: I mean early the early days, I was more still
28:38
Speaker 4: driven by like how do I be successful?
28:40
Speaker 3: How do I be number one? How do you be
28:42
Speaker 3: the best?
28:42
Speaker 4: It was like learning from champions of sport or industry
28:45
Speaker 4: on like getting to the top. So I still driven
28:48
Speaker 4: to be number one, But then I was like, oh,
28:52
Speaker 4: being number one doesn't mean you're going to be happy, right,
28:56
Speaker 4: Look at Wilmer.
28:57
Speaker 3: I'm scared.
29:00
Speaker 6: Kidding you know, right, he's place doctor met podcast and
29:14
Speaker 6: hit TV show, and it's just it's going okay for me,
29:23
Speaker 6: it's very good.
29:24
Speaker 4: No, So it's it was a journey of like, let
29:27
Speaker 4: me learn about how to first be the best I
29:29
Speaker 4: can be to destroy people?
29:31
Speaker 3: That was like the initial thought.
29:33
Speaker 4: Interesting, I mean, like be the best of my industry
29:37
Speaker 4: and be number one and be looked at it as
29:38
Speaker 4: like cool or whatever. And you mean in competition, how
29:45
Speaker 4: can everyone talk about me all the time?
29:46
Speaker 3: How can everyone talk make me look good?
29:49
Speaker 1: You know?
29:49
Speaker 3: Because I was wounded.
29:50
Speaker 4: I came from a place of not having friends, being
29:52
Speaker 4: in the bottom of my class, being picked on, picked
29:55
Speaker 4: the last, sexually abused, all these things to Okay, I'm
29:59
Speaker 4: gonna prove people wrong. Let me become the best version
30:02
Speaker 4: of me to prove people wrong and run away from
30:05
Speaker 4: the pain.
30:06
Speaker 3: So I didn't face the pain for twenty five years.
30:10
Speaker 4: So I was building a version of me to run
30:13
Speaker 4: away from pain, run away from bullying, sexual abuse, sadness,
30:17
Speaker 4: whatever it might be. And you can only run for
30:22
Speaker 4: so long until it catches up to you. Yeah, you
30:26
Speaker 4: can only chase success for so long. That thing is
30:29
Speaker 4: gonna keep coming out. There's a storm that's just trailing it.
30:32
Speaker 4: And I felt the storm constantly, like just touching the.
30:35
Speaker 3: Back of my neck.
30:37
Speaker 4: And then the storm hit and it broke in every
30:40
Speaker 4: relationship in my life at one point. And that's where
30:43
Speaker 4: I was like, something, I'm the common denominator of all
30:46
Speaker 4: these relationships and moments in life where I'm reacting. I
30:50
Speaker 4: can't blame everyone else anymore. I'm realizing it's me now.
30:52
Speaker 4: And that was a reflection moment where I said, let
30:54
Speaker 4: me do something.
30:55
Speaker 1: I think it was also a combination of.
30:58
Speaker 2: The confret you have in certain personalities, or did you
31:03
Speaker 2: really take all the blame yourself because that's a pattern, right,
31:06
Speaker 2: We all have patterns, and I think you have to
31:08
Speaker 2: want to appreciate that there is something you got to
31:11
Speaker 2: fix or you know, restructure.
31:14
Speaker 1: And the other one is that you have a pattern in.
31:16
Speaker 2: Exposing yourself to situations and environments in which triggers that
31:21
Speaker 2: other broken self of yourself.
31:23
Speaker 4: Yes, and no, I think you know, when we learn
31:26
Speaker 4: to love and accept ourselves and create the true boundaries
31:30
Speaker 4: we need, Like we can still have people in our
31:33
Speaker 4: lives and create a boundary, we don't have to eliminate
31:36
Speaker 4: them fully necessarily. There might be friends or family members
31:39
Speaker 4: where we're creating boundaries. With some people we might need
31:42
Speaker 4: to remove ourselves from completely or for out of alignment.
31:45
Speaker 3: But I've learned that, Like, you know, my mom.
31:47
Speaker 4: Triggers the crap out of me still, but I've learned
31:50
Speaker 4: to accept her more and not get triggered as much
31:53
Speaker 4: and just be like, Okay, that's just who she is,
31:55
Speaker 4: And I've learned to heal that relationship better as opposed
31:59
Speaker 4: to feeling like she's always trying to babe.
32:01
Speaker 3: Me as a forty two year old man. You know,
32:03
Speaker 3: it's like a grown man, stop babying me. But now
32:06
Speaker 3: I'm just like, Okay, it's my mom. I'm gonna accept
32:08
Speaker 3: I'm gonna accept it, and I'm gonna.
32:10
Speaker 4: Love her for who she is as opposed to it
32:12
Speaker 4: like really like triggering me, you know. So it's it's
32:15
Speaker 4: learning how to create acceptance and boundaries at the same
32:17
Speaker 4: time and and really caring less about what people think.
32:23
Speaker 4: And I have a few you know, I care about
32:25
Speaker 4: what my wife thinks. But I'm also I create boundaries, right.
32:28
Speaker 3: You know.
32:29
Speaker 4: It's because I spoke up for the first time when
32:31
Speaker 4: we started a relationship, and I was just like, this
32:34
Speaker 4: is what I'm willing to do, and this is what
32:35
Speaker 4: I'm not willing to do.
32:36
Speaker 3: This is this is my this is I was like,
32:42
Speaker 3: no surprise is yeah.
32:43
Speaker 4: I was like, this is everything about me, And here's
32:47
Speaker 4: what I believe my role should be in this relationship.
32:50
Speaker 4: And I'm gonna step in one hundred percent into this role.
32:54
Speaker 4: I'm not going fifty percent over here, fifty here. I'm
32:56
Speaker 4: gonna be one hundred percent this and this is what
32:58
Speaker 4: I can agree to.
33:00
Speaker 3: Now.
33:01
Speaker 4: I don't think I would have if I got married
33:02
Speaker 4: in my twenties. There's no way to be stayed married.
33:05
Speaker 4: It was like seven failed relationships and lots of therapy
33:09
Speaker 4: that got me to place of like creating boundaries and
33:13
Speaker 4: to be able to speak up and say, these are
33:15
Speaker 4: the agreements that I want to create with you, This
33:18
Speaker 4: is where my values are, and can we agree on
33:22
Speaker 4: these things. Those agreements, in my mind, create alignment where
33:28
Speaker 4: we both have an expectation based on shared values and alignment,
33:33
Speaker 4: and that alignment.
33:34
Speaker 3: Gives me peace.
33:34
Speaker 4: I told you this was like when I came in here,
33:36
Speaker 4: I was like, I feel peaceful because I'm in alignment.
33:39
Speaker 3: I have harmony.
33:40
Speaker 4: But it was a year of having uncomfortable conversation after
33:44
Speaker 4: conversation to make sure we're in alignment. So it wasn't
33:47
Speaker 4: just hoping we saw eye to eye. It was like, oh, no,
33:49
Speaker 4: we need to see eyd eye hear it. If not,
33:52
Speaker 4: we need to make an agreement because we don't have
33:54
Speaker 4: an agreement, that means we are in disagreement. You're automatically
34:00
Speaker 4: you're automatically in disagreement if you do not speak about
34:04
Speaker 4: a shared agreement.
34:06
Speaker 1: Do you feel that therapy gave you those tools?
34:09
Speaker 4: I'm because I think two people alone only have a
34:14
Speaker 4: certain amount of tools to do everything. You know, it's
34:18
Speaker 4: hard to do everything in an intimate relationship on your own.
34:21
Speaker 4: It doesn't mean you always need a third party, but
34:23
Speaker 4: I think when you can't do it on your own,
34:26
Speaker 4: I think it's important to have a third party that
34:29
Speaker 4: you both agree with. And when we started dating, within
34:33
Speaker 4: the first three months of just dating non exclusively, I said,
34:36
Speaker 4: I'm not getting into a committed relationship again unless the
34:40
Speaker 4: person I'm committing to will start the relationship in therapy.
34:44
Speaker 4: And that was that was the big move. What do
34:46
Speaker 4: you mean like a couple the couple's therapy.
34:49
Speaker 3: And it was the big move because I was soon
34:51
Speaker 3: in the dates within.
34:52
Speaker 4: Six months of dating, because I was like, I don't
34:55
Speaker 4: want to go down another two year relationship and then
34:58
Speaker 4: break up in therapy.
35:00
Speaker 3: I was like, let's start in therapy.
35:02
Speaker 2: So what you say is like, hey, we're going to
35:03
Speaker 2: go into therapy. Let's get the tools we need, accept.
35:07
Speaker 3: And make sure we're in alignment. Otherwise let's move on.
35:09
Speaker 4: Like I don't want to be in a two three
35:10
Speaker 4: four year relationship because we care about each other and
35:13
Speaker 4: we're good people and we'd try to make it work, but.
35:15
Speaker 3: It's not working.
35:16
Speaker 4: Like, let's figure this out in the first year if
35:18
Speaker 4: we have a shot, and that gave me a lot
35:21
Speaker 4: of peace because it was the first time I felt
35:23
Speaker 4: like I had a partner willing to invest in personal
35:26
Speaker 4: growth as well because I was always doing it. And
35:30
Speaker 4: all the girls that I dated before never wanted to
35:32
Speaker 4: do therapy together. When things were getting rough, they resisted it,
35:34
Speaker 4: And I was like, why.
35:35
Speaker 3: Do you think girls would die for this? You know,
35:37
Speaker 3: do you think they were resisting it?
35:39
Speaker 4: I chose women out of a wound, and I chose
35:42
Speaker 4: I think I chose nothing against these women, but I
35:45
Speaker 4: don't know any woman that wouldn't die for their man
35:48
Speaker 4: to wish they would go to therapy with them if
35:50
Speaker 4: something struggled. But none of the women I chose ever
35:54
Speaker 4: wanted to go because then they would have to face
35:56
Speaker 4: their own They would have to face around stuff, accountability
35:59
Speaker 4: to accountability. And I was choosing these women based on
36:01
Speaker 4: my own wounds. And again doesn't mean they're right or wrong.
36:06
Speaker 2: You were choosing them to fit the way you were
36:09
Speaker 2: molded to be at that moment exactly.
36:11
Speaker 4: And had I created, you know, had courageous conversations early on,
36:17
Speaker 4: I probably would never have been with any of these women.
36:19
Speaker 4: But I was more bonded by chemicals, by chemical pleasure
36:23
Speaker 4: rather than spiritual connection because I wasn't having those conscious
36:28
Speaker 4: conversations early on. There was intimacy and deep conversation, but
36:32
Speaker 4: if they didn't like something that I was saying, this
36:35
Speaker 4: is my vision or my value, I would kind of
36:37
Speaker 4: be like changed to make sure they liked me.
36:40
Speaker 3: So I was I'd be like, Okay.
36:43
Speaker 4: I won't do this if you don't want to do that,
36:44
Speaker 4: if that makes you uneasy, I'll just do what you
36:47
Speaker 4: want me to do. Because I was more chemically bonded
36:50
Speaker 4: rather than are we spiritually aligned? And that's why I
36:54
Speaker 4: feel peace because there's better alignments and better agreements, and
36:59
Speaker 4: if you don't have a greets, you're in disagreement.
37:02
Speaker 3: That doesn't feel good. That's out of alignment.
37:05
Speaker 5: You said earlier that a lot of your books and
37:09
Speaker 5: what you do is based.
37:11
Speaker 1: On the concept of healing.
37:12
Speaker 5: Yes, right, And as we were just talking about like immigrants,
37:17
Speaker 5: for example, you just said that earlier.
37:19
Speaker 1: You're like, can you imagine.
37:20
Speaker 5: What immigrants are going through and the trauma that they're facing,
37:23
Speaker 5: and the and the healing that needs to happen right
37:25
Speaker 5: in them? How did you come to the conclusion that
37:30
Speaker 5: you needed to just heal like what was like, how
37:34
Speaker 5: did that concept even come into your brain?
37:36
Speaker 1: And I as first you think about like how do
37:38
Speaker 1: I fix myself? You don't think like, oh, I got
37:41
Speaker 1: to heal, right, that that healing is even a concept.
37:45
Speaker 4: Here's why, because all three of us are driven guys. Right,
37:49
Speaker 4: we want to succeed. We want to be able to provide,
37:52
Speaker 4: We want to be able to make money. We want
37:53
Speaker 4: to be acknowledged for our skills and our talents. Right,
37:56
Speaker 4: you want to you want to do a good job,
37:59
Speaker 4: and you don't want it to just be good. You
38:01
Speaker 4: want it to be you know, the top. Right, you
38:04
Speaker 4: want to you know your effort is acknowledged. Right, you
38:07
Speaker 4: want to be We all but no, seriously, we all
38:12
Speaker 4: want them though, we all we all want we all
38:18
Speaker 4: want to be successful in whatever we're doing.
38:21
Speaker 3: However that looks like for us, whatever that that success
38:24
Speaker 3: was like.
38:24
Speaker 4: The challenge is when I accomp when I became a millionaire,
38:28
Speaker 4: when I was on the USA national team for an
38:31
Speaker 4: Olympic sport, when I had the beautiful girlfriend, when I
38:35
Speaker 4: had you know, people recognizing me, I still didn't love
38:38
Speaker 4: and accept myself.
38:40
Speaker 3: So I was chasing the success, the money, the rewards,
38:44
Speaker 3: the awards.
38:45
Speaker 4: To feel good, and I still wasn't feeling good. Momentarily,
38:49
Speaker 4: I was like, okay, like that feels good. They're acknowledging
38:51
Speaker 4: me or whatever. I have money, but I still had
38:53
Speaker 4: a lot of sadness. So I was like, what's the
38:55
Speaker 4: point of making this money or succeeding or being on
38:58
Speaker 4: magazine covers if I don't feel whole? And so for me,
39:03
Speaker 4: as I was studying greatness from all these individuals and
39:06
Speaker 4: studying how to manifest and how to create the life
39:08
Speaker 4: we want, I was realizing that without feeling whole, all
39:15
Speaker 4: the success is nice, but it doesn't fulfill me because
39:19
Speaker 4: I am still not whole. So what is the point
39:23
Speaker 4: of the success or the awards or the girl whatever
39:27
Speaker 4: if it still does not fulfill me?
39:29
Speaker 1: And if you're not fulfilled, then you cannot enjoy those
39:32
Speaker 1: achievements because.
39:33
Speaker 3: Then you're still like I need more. Right, I have
39:36
Speaker 3: this much money, it's not making me feel good. Let
39:39
Speaker 3: me go for more. I still feel like I'm in scarcity.
39:42
Speaker 4: Scarcity comes from a lack of wholeness out of alignment.
39:47
Speaker 4: We live in an emotional scarcity. Our nervous system feels disaligned,
39:53
Speaker 4: and so we feel stressed, anxious, not enough. I needed
39:56
Speaker 4: to be doing more. And it doesn't mean we can't
40:00
Speaker 4: work really hard at our craft every day and we're
40:03
Speaker 4: out of alignment or something. It doesn't mean we just
40:05
Speaker 4: sit around and do nothing. I'm still a believer in
40:09
Speaker 4: giving full energy, full effort, mastering your craft, being the
40:12
Speaker 4: best you can be, excelling to be the top, whatever
40:15
Speaker 4: that looks like for you.
40:17
Speaker 3: But not the top.
40:19
Speaker 4: Were the results giving us the benefit I'll give you.
40:22
Speaker 4: I'll give you a quick example that's recent for me
40:25
Speaker 4: with this book launch that I had. I just got
40:28
Speaker 4: married six weeks ago, right, and then I decided to
40:31
Speaker 4: do a wedding experience and then a book launch and
40:35
Speaker 4: a book tour within like the same month, which was crazy.
40:38
Speaker 4: I don't recommend it. And I remember thinking to myself
40:41
Speaker 4: during the book launch and the tour, I was like,
40:44
Speaker 4: I don't know if I'm going to hit the New
40:46
Speaker 4: York Times bestseller list as an author. That's kind of
40:49
Speaker 4: like the mark of success, right, And I'd been on
40:52
Speaker 4: it twice before with other books.
40:54
Speaker 3: But I was like, did I do enough? Did I
40:57
Speaker 3: do enough marketing? Do I do enough touring? Did I
41:00
Speaker 3: do enough press?
41:01
Speaker 4: All these different things, and I was literally at the
41:04
Speaker 4: place where I was just like, I did enough for
41:07
Speaker 4: me to make an impact on people, and I did
41:10
Speaker 4: the best I could with the season of life I'm
41:12
Speaker 4: at and it's not worth getting sick over gaining weight,
41:16
Speaker 4: over feeling exhausted.
41:17
Speaker 3: It's not worth that for some list. And I was like,
41:20
Speaker 3: I'm at peace, even if if it happens or not.
41:24
Speaker 4: And if you hit the list in two books before
41:27
Speaker 4: and then you don't hit it again, Normally I'd be like, ah,
41:29
Speaker 4: I need to do it, because how is I gonna
41:31
Speaker 4: look what if no one shows up, or what if
41:33
Speaker 4: no one comes to my tour? What if I'm not
41:35
Speaker 4: on the list and I have to promote I didn't
41:36
Speaker 4: make it.
41:37
Speaker 3: What's that going to make me feel?
41:39
Speaker 4: But I was set so much peace, Like the day
41:41
Speaker 4: of the list coming out, I was like, I don't
41:43
Speaker 4: actually think it's gonna happen, and I'm okay with it.
41:46
Speaker 4: And it happened, and I was like that's cool too,
41:48
Speaker 4: And I was like, the awards are nice, but making
41:51
Speaker 4: an impact and doing something that I feel is meaningful
41:53
Speaker 4: for me, like I grew in the process of creating
41:57
Speaker 4: this art for me, and that is the real win
42:02
Speaker 4: at this level. So the whole key to manifesting what
42:06
Speaker 4: you want, the whole key to having the ultimate success
42:12
Speaker 4: is creating a sense of wholeness and alignment within you. First,
42:17
Speaker 4: not needing the thing to fulfill me and feeling better
42:20
Speaker 4: about me, but feeling good about me because I'm in
42:24
Speaker 4: the act. And you guys have probably heard this a
42:26
Speaker 4: million times. It's like, it's the daily pursuit, not the
42:30
Speaker 4: results that should bring us joy. Now, the success is
42:33
Speaker 4: always a nice bonus. The list, the number one show,
42:38
Speaker 4: the money is a great bonus because it's a sense
42:41
Speaker 4: of acknowledgment in your industry. But as you guys know,
42:46
Speaker 4: like this, I'm adjacent to the entertainment world. I'm like
42:49
Speaker 4: in it, but not really. It's like there's got to
42:52
Speaker 4: be a lot of pressure for actors and producers and
42:55
Speaker 4: writers of like. Oh, but it's so subjective and it's
42:58
Speaker 4: like a little committee with the New York Times list.
43:01
Speaker 4: It's a committee of people I don't know who they are,
43:03
Speaker 4: who knows how they actually decide.
43:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's a weird numbers game in a certain
43:07
Speaker 2: amount of time, exactly. It's not even like the life
43:09
Speaker 2: of the Book.
43:10
Speaker 3: It's not just like that week.
43:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, that week, You're like, well, what if like the
43:14
Speaker 2: press was delayed, what if like that article didn't go wide?
43:18
Speaker 2: You know, like there's so much stuff that really plays
43:21
Speaker 2: a factor and with how you're performing that week anyways,
43:23
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, a lot of stuff was coming up
43:26
Speaker 2: as you were bringing up and speaking of your book.
43:28
Speaker 2: I want to actually talk a bit about your book
43:30
Speaker 2: because I know it definitely wasn't easy for me to
43:35
Speaker 2: make a book, and I will say this guy's had multiples.
43:39
Speaker 1: What I really want to do is really break down
43:42
Speaker 1: what this book really means. You know.
43:44
Speaker 2: This is part one of the two part conversation with
43:48
Speaker 2: my brother Lewis House. So this is part one, see
43:50
Speaker 2: you guys are part two. This is Those Amigos and
43:52
Speaker 2: my brother An. I'm Freddie Rodriguez and I'll see you
43:54
Speaker 2: in the next one.
43:59
Speaker 5: Those Amigos production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Michael through
44:03
Speaker 5: That podcast network, hosted by Me, Freddie Rodriguez and Wilmer Valdorama.
44:08
Speaker 2: Those Amigos is produced by Aaron Burlson and Sophie Spencer Zabos.
44:12
Speaker 5: Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderama, Freddie Rodriguez, Aaron Burlson,
44:17
Speaker 5: and Leo Klem at WV Sound.
44:19
Speaker 2: This episode was shot and edited it by Ryan Posts
44:22
Speaker 2: and mixed by Sean Tracy and features original music by
44:25
Speaker 2: Madison Devenport and Halo boy Our.
44:27
Speaker 5: Cover art photography is by David Avalos and designed by
44:30
Speaker 5: Deny Holtzklau And.
44:32
Speaker 2: Thank you for being at Third Amigo today. I appreciate
44:35
Speaker 2: you guys always listening to those amigos.
44:36
Speaker 5: For more podcasts from my Heart, visit the I Heart
44:39
Speaker 5: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
44:42
Speaker 5: favorite shows.
44:43
Speaker 1: See you next week.