Latest / Live From Your Heart / Episode 20 - Grief: The Doorway Back to your Heart

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Episode 20 - Grief: The Doorway Back to your Heart · Live From Your Heart

0:15
Welcome to Live from youm Heart. This isn't
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just a podcast you listen to. This is for those moments
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in your life when you start to realize something's
0:28
off. Maybe you've spent years doing what was expected,
0:32
showing up for everyone else, playing the roles,
0:35
and somewhere along the way you lost connection
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with yourself. If that's you,
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you are in the right place. Every week
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I'm going to have real conversations about what it actually looks
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like to come back to your own heart and start
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living from that place again. Or perhaps
1:01
for the first time. And if at some point you realize
1:05
you're ready for more than just listening, I'm going to show you what
1:09
the next steps look like. So let's
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Most people think that grief,
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something you go through when something's
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lost. Here's what I've learned.
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There's a lot of things that we never, ever grieve.
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Conversations that never happen.
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Versions of our life that
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never come together. Parts of ourselves that
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we left behind. When we don't feel
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it, we carry it.
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Yeah, we don't feel it, we carry it.
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So as we kind of step into this doorway
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back to your heart, talk about grief for
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just a few minutes, does what you haven't
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allowed yourself to feel. It's still shaping
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your life. We don't want
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to avoid it, but we want to look
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at it as something that's going to bring you back. Who you
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hung off to help you begin live from
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your own heart. Hey, it's Les Blochline and
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I'm the host of podcast
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called Live on your Heart. I'm glad that you have joined.
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It's always interesting to talk to my audience as I
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meet people on Zoom on the telephone.
3:01
They call and set an appointment and
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obviously there are many people out here listening that
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haven't taken action that I talked to a fella in
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South America just a few days ago,
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Argentina. People are listening to
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my podcast. It's crazy.
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Been listening for two nights and I
3:30
find to take some action and make
3:34
some change. If that's you,
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let me encourage you. Go to the show notes and
3:42
click my link. I'll be happy to take
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some time and listen to your story and talk with you.
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Maybe I can help you. But the first step is connect,
3:55
make the connection. So let's
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talk about grief for just a few minutes. Why don't you
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just kind of set the stage so you kind of have the. The idea of
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what we talk, we're going to talk about just from a
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loss, disappointment,
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shift, something that mattered but
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wasn't fully processed. And you kept moving
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forward instead of feeling.
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Let me tell you something about divorce.
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Because as I think through this,
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from me,
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this is where this just kind of hits me
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in fights.
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And I went through my divorce,
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Gosh, 34 years ago,
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somewhere in that neighborhood,
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I was at a place where I
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had decided. Right. Wrongly. Different.
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That I did not want to be married to her anymore.
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I did not want the relationship anymore. I wanted
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something completely different.
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And so I moved out.
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It's been tough to say here, but I did.
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And we just happened to live in
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Las Vegas, Nevada. You can get a divorce in a day in Vegas
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if it's totally uncontested and get a hearing.
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Well, our case took a week.
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One week. One week. I'm going to
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tell you, I appreciate states that
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have a waiting period because it gives
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space and time for people to consider
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their actions and what they're doing.
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So within a week, we're divorced.
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What does that mean? We will heal.
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Oh, my God. We barely got the words out of my mouth.
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And I can tell you that I carried
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things and I grieved things
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for five or six years and things
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would pop up, and especially around my children.
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And we had to be around my.
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And we had to communicate and the sake of the
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And here's what you do. This is going on. Say you
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just tell yourself, I'm fine, I'm okay. It is what it is.
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It's just life. It's just divorce.
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You stay functional, you keep functioning,
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but things are unresolved.
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There's a possibility that you can never
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resolve the difference between two people,
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but there's always a possibility of resolving
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the feelings yourself.
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But there's a moment as you're going
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through this,
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There's that realization.
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But I never let myself feel the loss.
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I never grieved,
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I never gave myself time. I've seen this happen time
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and time and time again with people who go through a separation
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and divorce and they jump back in
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to another relationship before the
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ink is even dried. And, you know, I was that case.
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Okay. Did I have real
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feelings for the next person?
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And I thought I did.
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Um, but the reality is it didn't work out. Wasn't supposed to.
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And you've heard these rebound relationships,
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it's almost a coin phrase. You gotta have one so you can get over yourself,
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get over whatever you lost, get over your
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divorce, get over your spouse. But there's
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a realization when you never let ourself feel it.
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And we hit that place not intellectually, but emotional,
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emotionally. You never
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gleaned this.
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And when you see what we avoided,
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So what's the cost?
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Here's how it shows up. Unfelt grief shows up just like this.
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It's got some characteristics. Numbness,
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irritability,
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disconnection, lack of joy.
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Not because life isn't. Not because life
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is empty, but because something's
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unprocessed,
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It's undone.
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Ever felt this? You haven't gone through this process.
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Yeah, we all have. We all have.
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So what can we do to
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get through the grief process and stand back
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out and live from high heart?
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Grief is not weakness, folks.
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It's being honest about what matters.
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He matters. She math with.
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And it's probably always based around relationships
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almost all the time. Grief comes from brokenness of
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relationships, love and loss.
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Grief is a weakness.
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You got to be honest because it did matter to.
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Second thing that we made to really jump on
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top of was this. We avoided it because
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it slows us down. Here's what
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We stay busy. We double down
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on work. We stay forward focused.
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Why? Because grief requires us to
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stop and feel,
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requires stillness. If you're gonna live from your
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own heart, you got some stuff to grieve. And you're
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going to have to stop the chaos that you bring in
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to mask.
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You're just gonna have to sit still, going to have to let it flow
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through you and feel it. You may need to do some crying.
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One good cry might take
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several. Well, Les Paul, does that happen over a
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day or a week? I don't know. It's up to you.
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It depends.
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But what you don't feel, you're going to carry.
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If you don't purge this,
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you're going to carry it and it will show back
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up. Have you noticed that when you
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finally unload some of this heaviness,
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this grief, that your attitude
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towards everything about your life
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shifts to the positive side all of a
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sudden? What kind of irritated you about someone
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or something doesn't. And you, you take note
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of it and you go, oh, wow, that used to
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irritate me, but you know, it's okay. Yeah,
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that's because you've unloaded that numbness.
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Okay? And if you don't, you carry it and it shows up.
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What does it show up in just exactly what I laid
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in front of you. Our responses, our connection,
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how you show up. It shows
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up that you're carrying this grief.
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Oh my. And if you think you can have
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from a relationship world something serious without
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unloading all this, you are fooling yourself.
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You are. Until you grieve it and
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purge it you're never going to live from your own heart.
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You're always going to bring that baggage into the next
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space you're living in.
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Because when you feel it, it frees you.
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It doesn't happen instantly, but gradually over time.
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Because when you feel it, you gradually stop carrying
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that unconscious and let it go.
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Yeah. So let me ask you this question.
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What in your life have you moved
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past but you've never actually
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felt through it?
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Not what happened, not the details, but what
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did it mean to you?
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I didn't mean to.
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Does that make you stop and think,
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what? What in your life have you moved past? Never actually
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grieved, never actually felt it.
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Not what the details will remember, but what happened,
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how you felt, the angst that was in you.
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Here's what I had to do.
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I had to slow down long
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enough to feel the things that I skipped over because
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I skipped over stuff. I'm going to tell you,
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I didn't grieve my marriage.
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And it showed back up. The brokenness,
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all the things I grieved it over
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and over and over again.
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And it has taken, honestly,
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it probably took seven or eight years to slowly
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unload that and grieve it. Even when I was leading
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divorce recovery ministries and groups, a part
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of me was so grieving it as I was in it, I was hearing
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it. I had to slow down long
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enough to feel the things that I skipped over. You're going to have to slow
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down and do the same thing. Was it comfortable?
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No. But grief
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doesn't take you backwards, folks. It brings you
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back, back to what matters, back to what's real,
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back to yourself, so you
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can live from your heart, from your
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own heart, honestly and sincerely,
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deep inside your core.
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Let me encourage you, take heart this
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message, take heart this question I
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threw down at you. What in your life have
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you moved past but you've never grieved? What did
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it mean to you? Stop. Pause.
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Take some time.
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Let me encourage you, take some action. You need help. You want
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to talk about this? Go to the show notes, connect to me through my link.
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You can schedule a time that's convenient for you
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and I give you access to the time unavailable. Schedule a time. Let's chat.
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Let me see if I can help you. At least I can listen and give
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you my flounce. I hope today has
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been helpful because grief is
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the door back to
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your heart. Hey, it's Les Paul. It live from your
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heart. I hope you have a blessed day. God bless. We'll see you soon.
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Let me ask you something. If you're
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listening right now. And you know,
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you've been living out of alignment.
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You've been showing up for everyone else,
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and somewhere along the way, you lost yourself.
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And this isn't just a podcast for you. This is your moment.
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This is your moment. Look, I work privately
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with a small number of people who are ready to reset
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their life and start living from their own heart again. Not someday,
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but now. Now's the time.
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If that's you, go to the link in the show notes
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and schedule that private conversation with me.
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We'll have a conversation. We'll talk. We'll get clear. We'll see if
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this is your next step.
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But don't just listen.
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Don't be a sponge.
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Make a move. Make a
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move. Click that link and let's