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What If Your Frustration Is The Training · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: A man on a patio I was visiting laughed in my face at the word I was using to describe compassion.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: The word is bodhisattva.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I was feeling in that moment and what I learned about myself.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome to Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Mark Walker, and I created this show for folks who carry a ton, carry a lot in their life, and they still feel like they need to wait to be better or to feel better on the inside.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: These are real stories.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I share one tool and I eliminate any fluff or goofiness.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So thanks for being here, and let's get after it.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I was in Kansas City a couple weeks ago now, and I visited the Nelson Atkins Museum of Art and its collection.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: They have an amazing collection of Asian art and even including some Indian and Chinese Buddhist statues, along with just some great, great collections.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ever in Kansas City, I highly recommend visiting Nelson.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was in Kansas City for a meditation retreat, and it was just great to practice with my brothers and sisters and connect with my teacher.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: But when we visited the museum, they have had a wonderful statues from Asian ancient history, but they had one that was the emanation or a statue of the bodhisattva.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: So a bodhisattva, in a simple sentence, is a person who vows to return again and again throughout their lifetimes until all beings are free from suffering.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: They commit deeply to helping and practicing in a deep spiritual way.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I've it's taken many years to let this concept kind of soak into my mind, and not that I have a deep, deep understanding of it, but it's something that I have practice with and attempted to integrate into my own thinking and obviously into my own mind and my own actions.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been doing this for well over a decade.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: A few months ago, I had a close family member that was facing some very serious health problems and a big surgery.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, as I think and talk about it, I was having a really hard day getting through work.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: I love them dearly, but we have been disconnected over the past couple years.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, I wanted to get out.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: The day was lovely, and I thought some exercise and just getting away from the same routine would help.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I jumped on my bike and I took a long ride around the lake here in my city.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I stopped at a patio in a place that I love and stopped in for a drink and just to relax after a long ride.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: But there was a guy out on the patio, came out, and it was not crowded at all.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: It was kind of in the late afternoon.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: But he came came out on the patio and was smoking a cigarette and seemed like he wanted to talk to somebody.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess I did.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: I did too.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we started uh talking about self-compassion.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: He asked me how I was doing.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And in a way, it was beautiful that he sat and listened to me for a few minutes and heard my story about my loved one that was going through tons of terrible times right now.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: But we talked about self-compassion.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about mindfulness, and we even kind of delved into some ideas around awareness and what it means and how we kind of move through life.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember at one point I was reflecting back on the words that he was sharing.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I asked him, I said, You sound like somebody who meditates.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I started to introduce what I was up to the last 15 years, talk about my teacher a little bit, and talking about my 15 years of practice and my struggles and my ups and downs.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I even talked about my Sangha or my spiritual community, the people I get to meditate and learn with.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: And in brief, I kind of invited him to practice with us and consider stopping by.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's something powerful when we sit with people and practice together.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: But there was something that changed in that moment.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: This gentleman changed.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it came from an experience that he had in and around a meditation community.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, he called the idea of a sangha or spiritual community complete nonsense.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And he even said to me that my spiritual friend, my teacher, was probably manipulative, manipulating me.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then he went on, he told me about how people hurt him and took advantage of him.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember I listened for quite a long time, and I remember talking about the idea and the concept of that bodhisattva, that positive intention to help all beings.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember that he laughed hard in my face, kind of that gut gut laugh, and he called it complete garbage.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And there was a moment right there where I can feel it talking about it even months later.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like that laughed in my face, he laughed in my face and pointed at me, and I felt kind of a little bit attacked, or something about my practice was called out.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Looking back, it was a challenge to me.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it was something that, well, I guess in the sense of a bodhisattva, that I could practice even in that moment.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: So there was for me, there was a wave of wrathful compassion in a sense that arose in me.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you might be wondering, like, what the heck does wrathful compassion mean?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds like two contrasting things.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: But it was the sense of kind of getting in his interrupting his energy and his judgments and his solidity, if you want to say it like that, like his convictions.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to expose that.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember telling him that, well, I wanted to just say it really plainly.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: His view of deeper expansive and open compassion was shallow.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: He couldn't get there.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it wasn't to judge him back, but just to say it plainly and out loud.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's a vulnerability at the core, the center of this episode.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to slow down and just say that here.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Deep compassion and expansive compassion for all beings is something we don't really get taught, or something that doesn't get talked about a lot.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's a book, an ancient book by Shanti Deva that's been translated, of course, but it's called The Way of the Bodhisattva.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a chapter in the way of the bodhisattva that's titled Patience.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it frames the opposite of patience as frustration or anger or even a dismissiveness towards others and their suffering.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: One of my favorite teachers and authors, Pema Choudrin, has many wonderful books.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Please look her up.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And even my own teacher, they've helped me learn from this text and slow down enough to kind of let it sink in.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because honestly, I was about to dismiss this as well, this idea of compassion and this expansive bodhisattva, this compassion for all beings, and the dedication to continue to learn and help.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: But this all started years before that.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: It started because I saw how terribly poor my patience was with my family, with my young boys, with my friends.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, when I started journaling a lot the last decade or two, I used that opportunity to write patience at the top of my journal and sketch out where I could use that today?
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: How could I use patience at work?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I would even ask the questions of myself, like, what would patience do in that moment?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Or I'd even replay difficult episodes and ask myself, how would patience show up there better than I did, or better than I showed up in that moment?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: How would patience show up as I moved through my day?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's a paradox at work here, at least in the way I learned about spirituality and connection and a deeper ethics and inner morality.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because we often ask for patience, and I know I did.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: We ask for patience as kind of a relief from our anger or our frustration.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't think we receive patience nicely wrapped in a box like that, and we don't just install patience into ourselves.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, I think we receive challenges.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: When we ask for patience, we receive bigger challenges.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: If we're leaders, we'll receive more difficult conversations.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: We will find ourselves in maybe troublesome relationships or connections.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: And even moments where we might lose our temper and we must learn to extend a kindness to ourselves in those moments.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: So even that inner patience.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Patience is a byproduct, if that makes any sense.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think patience comes from this intense ability to be courageous, to have that fierce presence and that intensity of letting go.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Again, those sound like they're contrasting, but what if patience is relaxing and letting go, relaxing with the frustration, relaxing with the anger, relaxing with the disappointment?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe even the idea of that negative emotional energy of anger and frustration, letting it forge, in a sense, of purifying your patience.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: The successful leaders I've gotten a coach and reflect back what I'm hearing from them, they can often really be difficult because they'll demand things of their teams or their company.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And they'll even, you know, push for a quick fix.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that works.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: But often sitting in that contrast or that friction is where our work kind of sits.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or it might even be where our work begins.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: And in the conversations I've had, leaders are often really good at the job, but the patience at home is lost because they can't demand or cajole or push that quick fix.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: They need to be present and use patience in that moment as that kind of a byproduct of pushing through that place where they're not courageous, where they don't have control.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to share a quick tool here, and I'm calling it the patience prompt.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: So this is just three parts.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome to pause the recording or take this and write it down and practice on your own.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: So the first thing, number one, morning time.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Write patience at the top of a page or your journal.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: And ask yourself, what would patience do today?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: And simply write one line down for yourself.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: The second part, in the moment, when someone frustrates you or angers you, in the moment, say silently to yourself, you are my teacher today.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then ask that same question that we said above.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: What would patients do right now?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is a hard one, especially when people cut you off in traffic.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the third part to the patience prompts is in the evening time, write down three short lines on that paper where you practiced, where you lost it, and then finish with one sentence of kindness towards yourself for lapsing or making a mistake.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, this patience prompt, if you run this for five days or for a solid week, I'd love to hear what you notice, who shows up for you, who was your teacher, what you learned about yourself.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: This might sound simple and silly.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: It might not have enough bells and whistles for your brain that wants more features and benefits.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll tell you, if you run this for five days in a row, you will shift your view on patience and connecting with that teacher that frustrates you or is troublesome.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you for tuning in to the awareness lab today.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: I really strongly encourage you to run the Patience Prompt as a powerful tool.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, if you want to talk through any of this, I just want to say I offer a coaching conversation or just a quick coffee chat.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: The link to apply is in the show notes.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to connect with you, hear what projects you're working on, or hear how these tools land.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: No pressure, but it would be great to hear from you.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: I've had so many wonderful conversations from my listeners.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you to all you out there that reach out and connect with me.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: But my name is Mark Walker.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: This has been Fierce Encouragement.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, please be really kind to yourself and practice Fierce Encouragement for yourself along the way.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Take care.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Bye-bye.