Latest / Pod Therapy / #427: Inheritance Drama, Breakup Timing, Factitious Disorder

Transcript

#427: Inheritance Drama, Breakup Timing, Factitious Disorder · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Like as much as this is like a lot, and
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: I'm like Jesus Christ, part of me is like, oh.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: I'm enjoyed I made it.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: They don't just send those to anybody. Whitney didn't get
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: one point out.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Let's see your box, Whitney, rip out your box on
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: pod therapy. Let's fucking zee your with all that big
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: dark chocolate. Huh, let's fucking go where's your big black box?
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The timing from fabulous Las Vegas. No matter, this is
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: pod therapy, real people, real problems, and real therapists. You
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: can submit your questions anonymously at podtherapy dot net or
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: emails at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com. And
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: now broadcasting from the newly remodeled but unnamed studio. That's Jim,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: that's Whitney. I'm now it's time for some pod therapy.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: Yes, we need new we need still remodeling.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we're currently being remodeled, so Jacob.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: We we haven't exactly announced what the future plans the
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: show are, but you've now done enough that, uh, we
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: could probably talk a little bit about it. Unless I
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: can stop this train from leaving the station.
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: Apparently we're going to video.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: That's right, I'm probably gonna try to stop it. I'm
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: probably I've already anxietied out about this plenty of times
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: every day. I was scared of recording today, Like Whitney
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: shows up with matching shoes and Cardigan Nick always looks good.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I have an afro that is touching your ceiling as
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I am sitting on a couch.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: Uh.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: This is not the same. We are not the same people.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: And I feel like, right now I get nice compliments
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: in the reviews. People are like, Jim sure does have
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: a good voice for radio. That's not all I have.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: Good that's for radio.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Friends, I don't know that I want to go to video.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I just don't think I'm gonna shine. So I'm gonna
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: try to stop it. I'm gonna try to sabotage it.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: We have.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: That, yeah, yeah, it's not like you've dedicated seasons of
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: the show to mocking my physical.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Sam and all I thought was mustang.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, Also that came up.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: You're like, no, that Sam without the mustache. Yeah, you'll
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: seventy Sam had a very nice mustache, like this idiot.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, so not.
• 2:12
  Speaker 5: Jim has a very Jimmy So.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we are we are working on it. We do
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: not know what it's all gonna entail yet. I know
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: that the very first experiments of video will only be
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: airing at Patreon, So you better get in on it now, guys,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: because patreon dot com slash therapy in the beginning. That
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: is the only way I will allow it.
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: And we're all going to go to something that has
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: some kind of live chat element to it, so so
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: that you can watch while we're recording live and way in,
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: we might have a couple of things here and there
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: where we ask for a little audience way.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: In and things, maybe even a zoom component, maybe a
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: zoom componive listeners can jump onto the zoom and say hi, and.
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: All kinds of different things, Joe, So we're we're talking
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: about all kinds of different options there.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: I think it's gonna be a good time. It's it's terrifying.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: It's a tree information I am not ready for. It
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: is a future that I am not built for.
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: And as usual, GYM is being pulled kicking and screaming
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: yes into the twenty first century.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Hate it already, all of it. I may or may
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: not have also received a bribe. You can listen all
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: about it at patroon dot com slash therapy. My co
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: host currently ingesting the bribe. Heyola, Notably, I have not
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: had any of them, so if it is a bribe,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know that I can be held accountable for it.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: Is it a bribe? If I just share the bribe
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: with my friends like that?
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: No, that's why you're supposed to share.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I'm really you're all eating on a podcast. By the way,
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: great job. The thing is is they don't know that
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: you have nothing to offer. That's what's funny, that's what's great. Yeah,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know that I'm sending anybody to this program.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: We don't know who's address.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Right, that's right? Yeah, exactly. This terrifying. But honestly, I
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: mean the chocolate checks out. So patroon dut JOm slash.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Therapy, listen to me unfurl my bribe and a very
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: rigorous conversation about manual labor and housing construction. Are a
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: lot of things, A lot of things, and the new
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: measurement system we've proposed for male anatomy. Check it all
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: out at patreon dot com slash therapy. That probably should
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: be the show title. I'm gonna have to figure out
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: a clever way to describe that. We've got some great
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: questions for today's show, and we are kicking off the
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: order today.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: With heerial versus Metric versus Cake. I oh, all right,
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: all right, okay, all right.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: We got our first question for the day leading off
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: the order estrangement drama, inheritance and appreciation.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: Of this show.
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  Speaker 1: Hey, gang, I've got a bit of a rambling question
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: about inheritance drama, but I'll try and keep things succynct.
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  Speaker 1: For background, my grandparents were the only stable family I
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: had as a kid. I've never known why the generation
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: of parents, aunts, and uncles they raised turned out to
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: be so chaotic, but it led to my siblings and
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I spending large chunks of our formative years homeless. My
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: earliest toddler memories are around tent encampments, and my senior
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: year was spent sleep in a bar's parking lot. At
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: age eighteen, I escaped out of state and white knuckled
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: my way through a much more normal twenties poverty in
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: a way I think my grandparents would be proud of.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: They died a few years ago, and ever since my
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: family has been fighting in court over their estate. While
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I ghosted and watched from across state lines. Last year,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: after evicting an aunt three times, they liquidated the house
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: so the cash.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Could be split.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: With all that said, I've spent the last six months
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: or so sitting with a few bleak and sobering realities.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: The sadder part is that I'm only seeing a dime
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  Speaker 1: of this money because our dad drank himself to death
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: when we were young. If he were alive, it would
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: go to him. It's a somber thought to sit with
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: over a modest but life changing amount of money. The other,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: more frustrating reality is that this money is highlighting a
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: lot of the instability that still exists, and it's painting
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: my siblings in a disappointing light from where I sit.
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  Speaker 1: When I left, I carried a lot of survivor's guilt
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: for my younger siblings and only recently reconnected over texts
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: and emails. With this inheritance unfolding. My sister sent me
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  Speaker 1: a text asking to borrow three hundred and fifty bucks.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Mind you, she gets a piece too. She's sitting on
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: a fifty five thousand dollars check she can't cash because
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: she doesn't have a current ID, and needed three point
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: fifty to get to the end of the month when
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: a new idea comes in and she's flush. Last I heard,
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: neither her or my little brother are working or in school,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: scraping by in Section eight housing with her two kids.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: I sent her the money, explaining it was a gift,
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  Speaker 1: not alone, and am dreading the idea of this ever
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: happening again or telling her.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: No next time.
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  Speaker 1: Honestly, I'm sitting with the fear of my siblings repeating
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: our parents' mistakes, and the thought of having that chaos
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: slipped back into my life due to survivor's guilt would
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: be nice to hear any takes y'all might have on
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: dynamics like this. I'm good at maneuvering to hide money
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: and not be relied on, but it feels like a
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  Speaker 1: different beast when the money is a matter of court record.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: So that's all the sad stuff. But my title did
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: say there was a thanks as well. Your show was
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: a big part of me getting into therapy the last
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: two years. The ten year anniversary of leaving all that
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: behind had me dwelling on it a lot. I went
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: into therapy planning to just unpack traumas of childhood homelessness
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: and unexpectedly turned into a path of home ownership. My
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: therapist gave me the name of a local nonprofit that
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: holds the hands of first time buyers.
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: Oh that's so nice. That's awesome. That's a wonderful service too.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: And I closed on a little condo two months before
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: my thirtieth birthday.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: Great, congratulations.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: You guys are basically one point removed from me owning
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  Speaker 1: a home now, and I'm looking forward to just throwing
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  Speaker 1: this inheritance at the mortgage to cut down the thirty
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: year loan and paying off in five or ten years.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: While that's oh, that's great, that's awesome.
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  Speaker 3: Does that mean that we can take out a home
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: equity loan? I think on this house. Yes, that's what
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: I'm hearing.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, since here, I think he's all around. See you
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: in the discord, Signed Plebeian j. Pronouns are he and him?
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: What an incredible starty.
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  Speaker 5: Oh wow, that's crazy homeless homeowner.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: That's true.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and getting into therapy. But this is a I
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: think it's really hard because I remember this saying is
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: something like poor people have poor ways, and like it's
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: not to blame them with it, but it's to say
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: like they didn't get role modeled like how to manage money,
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: how to live effectively, and so this propetuity thing.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the something like.
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: The system is set up in such a way that
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: that doesn't help matters either.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Likely nobody shows up and provides financial education and starts,
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: you know, breaking these cycles, and poverty begets poverty.
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  Speaker 6: Right.
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: I had a in like a it was like a
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: civics class in high school. I mean it was this
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: this should not have been discussed in this class, but
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: I had, you know, just this. The civics teacher in
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: this class, which I think was a coach. I think
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: it was like the basketball coach at the at the
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: high school or something, just one day came in and
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: was like, Hey, we're just gonna talk about.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: Home finances today. Wow.
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: And was like, we're gonna talk about you know, this
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: is in the days of you know, we're gonna talk
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: about balancing checkbook. He's like, I'm gonna explain to you,
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: like you've seen your parents and everything do the check
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: book and everything and do little notes on and everything.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: Who knows what that is? You? No?
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: Hands go up. He's like, Greatma, I'm gonna teach you
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: what that is. I'm gonna show you what that is,
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: what that means. That's how you keep up with how
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: much money you have in your account and all. Here's
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: how credit cards work, here's how wroth IRA's work. He's like,
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: if you can get a hold of geez it was like,
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: you know, a couple of thousand dollars, five thousand dollars
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: something like that, if you can get a hold of
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: that cash, which nobody could. Yeah, but he was like,
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: if you can get a hold of that cash, that
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: will become a million dollars by the time you retire.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: And he's like, yeah, you's iras and.
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: Use finance one one just and and like my memory
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: of it is, which is wrong, but my memory of
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: it is. He did that for like a couple of days,
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: and then we went back to Civics class.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: Also, we used to have a class in high school
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: in the US called Civics where it taught you the
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: way that the federal government was supposed to work.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: There's the laws that was really getting in the way.
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: You know, how people knew how the federal government was
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: supposed to be able to do things.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: So when you saw them do things in a different
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: way you could go like, I don't think that's it.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's amazing now you know which people weren't listening.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, really clear.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I want to see some transcripts before you're allowed to
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: work in the federal government. Yeah, yeah, what was your grade?
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: I'm going need to see a gp A.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: So financial education a huge piece of this, huge and
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: people don't get it. Yeah, when you're growing up in homelessness,
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: you don't have access to means, you're not going to learn,
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: you know, how these systems actually function.
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: Have kids if you if you can get them, like
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: just a little bit of financial uh not even experience,
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: but just knowledge early earlier in life. It's a great
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: thing that a lot of people just don't think about.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: And now we live in the age of like YouTube
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: and stuff, so there really is a lot more resources, right, Like, yeah,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: this is tremendous. So, I mean it's a huge, huge
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: thing for PLEB and J to have accomplished this. Congratulations,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: But like I appreciate what he's writing about because I
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: think he's saying, look, you know, our entire family system
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: grew up in kind of poverty and disarray and dysfunction,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: systemic poverty, alcoholism, and like.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Here we are.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: We're all adults. Now, we're a whole second generation removed
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: under that generation that was kind of a train wreck,
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: and some of us are about to inherit real money,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: and there's a lot of dread instead of like him
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: feeling like a lot of celebration, like, Wow, this is
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: gonna be life changings can really help my siblings. He's
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: sort of already watching the tape and going, I know
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: how this movie ends, Like I've already seen this go down,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: and I'm kind of bracing myself for it.
• 11:37
  Speaker 7: I've seen this before with other families where it seems like,
• 11:41
  Speaker 7: you know, kids that grew up in that environment, there's
• 11:44
  Speaker 7: one that kind of makes it out, yeah, and then
• 11:47
  Speaker 7: they become.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Then there's a lot of conflicts, yeah, because then that
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: one's successful, yes, and then the other kids are envious
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: of that kid, and then that one is just like, well,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I'm so but like I made these difficult decisions, you didn't.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: And then so now that's like there's even a little
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: bit like plebean Jay says, like survivor's guilt there too,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: and it's yeah, it's unfortunate, and that's I don't know,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: situations like this. I always kind of think too of
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: like we've talked about it before in the past, but
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: like alan On, you know what they learn in alan On?
• 12:24
  Speaker 7: You know the the four Seas, Right, I can't what
• 12:28
  Speaker 7: were they cause it?
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: Oh? The three Seas? I didn't three it. I didn't
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: I can't hear it out of the fourth se Yeah.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: We all know the fourth seeds, don't we Yeah, circumstantial
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: sometimes it's bad. Yeah, no, And I think that's a
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: really tough thing, especially you know, if your sibling, especially
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: if you're an older sibling, and you feel like you've
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: got some sort of obligation to help your younger siblings.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: But you know, at the end of the day, you
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: can provide education and you can kind of coach them,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: but they're going to make their own decisions, and yeah,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: you know you can try to help them out. I
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: do like the thing that you did there where you
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: said like, hey, this is a gift. Yeah, that simplifies
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: that a lot. Yeah, then you keep that simple. Yeah,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: and and and plebe and J didn't do that for
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: the sibling, right, did that for themselves? Yeah, because that's
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: the way that you can say now he doesn't have
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: to keep don't have to worry about this, it's done.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: Whatever.
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: What do you think the way I heard Plebe and
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: Jay say that they almost wanted to put their chunk
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: of money into their home. I hear that as I
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: want to tie it up in some ways so that.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: I don't have it's not liquid.
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: I can't give it, right, I can't.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: That's I don't know if y'all thought that too. Maybe, Well,
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: this is a.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Great time to pitch the pod Therapy bonds that we've
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: been We've been developing a cryptic crypt yeah.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: Pod coin.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, therapy Coin is is now available and we are
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: allowing you to invest.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: It's a supple young coin.
• 14:03
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right, Supple young coin.
• 14:13
  Speaker 6: We sell Supple Young coins.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: It's also not a digital currency coins, it's not a
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: digital currency.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: We craft them here, We forge them from the mine.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: We bring them up, but we don't know how to do.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Jim gets them with his pickaxe, that's right. Yeah, that's right.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: We forged them in a whole mint that we have here.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Other ex.
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: Little coin that's seventeen years old.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: It's not an other export.
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, other export.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, these coins are not on the Epstein list. These
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: are legitimate nineteen coin.
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: Oh. I saw a great one lighter the other day
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: that made me laugh real hard, and it was just
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: being on the Epstein list has not aged well.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: Oh boy. But I like that turn of phrase a lot.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: So if you're looking to hide the money, I think
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: we can help you.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, we've got that.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: Or this whole invest in your own home thing.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good idea too. I guess.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Well, look, we're not financial advisors.
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: I mean, but I always like you if you'd like
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: to invest in the house and you don't want to
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: just dump it onto the mortgage. If you have upgrades
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: or anything like that, you'd like to do any kind
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: of home remodeling, that's a good time to do that.
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: And you are still investing in the home. You're still
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: adding equity to the home, and it is a way
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: of saving.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: But I mean, like accomplishes that that job of like, hey,
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: I don't have it, so if you all run out,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: but you.
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: Can also just talk to I mean, when you get
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: flush with cash, Yeah, a smart thing to do is
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: always go talk to an investment person, to talk to
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: a money manager.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: Right, Uh. They are everywhere.
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: I know that can. That sounds intimidating, but I mean
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: they're on line, they can, they're they're anything. You don't
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: have to give any more information than you want to. Uh,
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: I mean, I mean it can literally just be Hey,
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: I just inherited X amount of money. I've got this
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: in cash, and I'm looking for something smart to do
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: with it.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: Uh.
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: You know, I want to put it towards retirement. I
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: think about you know, I have a home that I
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: can put it towards. Here, here are the options that
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: I've thought of. Tell me some other options that I
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: haven't thought of, and let's talk about what the smart
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: thing to do and how I want to get this
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: really divested.
• 16:28
  Speaker 8: And also it does accomplish the thing that Jim and
• 16:31
  Speaker 8: Whitney just mentioned, and it it in essence, hides that
• 16:35
  Speaker 8: money from your siblings and takes the option away from
• 16:38
  Speaker 8: you to to say yes or no to the to alone.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Unlike young coin, which would you know, expeditiously increase your.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Money, it's going by the second, it's going up by
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: the second.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: It ages at about the same rate as a human.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: It can hold so many more donuts now, so Whitney
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: I'm curious about this, knowing about some of your clinical
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: work and some of the populations you've worked with, some
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: of the cases that you've chatted with us.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: About, you've worked with survivor guilt.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: You've worked with people that are you know, are the
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: sibling that got away kind of situation, and that's a
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: really personal feeling. Like that's very heavy and it can
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm the I need to be the hero child.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: They need to take care of them, but also I
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: can't just constantly bailing out their boat, like I have
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: to allow them to experience consequences. You know, You've done
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: a lot of clinical work with that kind of you
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: know situation.
• 17:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think that the guilt is the number one
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: thing that stands out because you feel like, oh, we
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: were all in this same boat and no matter how
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: you got out, whatever that means. Maybe for some people
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: it's luck, Maybe for most it's probably you know, making.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: It rit could be that they married well and you know,
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: somebody else pulled them away from it.
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a lot of different options there, but the
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: one that gets out it's like there is a feeling
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: of responsibility I think that can come with that that
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: really weighs heavy on the person. I think when we're
• 17:54
  Speaker 5: talking about how to navigate those dynamics with your siblings, Gosh,
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: I get wanting to kind of tie up your money
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: or you know, just take the whole headache away. But
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: I don't know, I worry a little bit that that
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: puts you in a spot where you're making a pretty
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: big decision, even with the guidance or help from a
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: financial advisor. That's like, I don't know, Like.
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: I want you to explore options, like you know, things
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: like five year investments, like like see the investments, things
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: like that that aren't going to tie up that money
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: forever if you want to tie it up. And also
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: that there is you want to stay a little liquid,
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: you want to you want to keep a little cash
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: in the bank for when things come up.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Reminder y'all, he definitely did not write in for our
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: financial advice.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: No, it out there. It's all we're going to give
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: it anyway.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Also, where's your water pressure valve? You know you bought
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: a new house. Let me tell you what you need
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: to do first, get yours that grind.
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: The water cut off value that's for your house. Yes,
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: lock that down. It might be on the side of
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: the street to.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: Go look, yeah where it was going.
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: That was just like to not have to feel like
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: you have to go to tying up money financially. Is
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: that there may need to be tough conversations had with
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: your siblings at different times. And let's say let's say
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: this repeats itself. Your sister comes you, Oh I still
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: haven't gotten mighty, and yeah I need another two fifty
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: or one hundred, whatever it is, A thousand doesn't matter.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: I think being able to share with her.
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: What I would do is first kind of dig into like, oh,
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: what's going on with your money? Like maybe ask I
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: have also heard that not go well, but I don't
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: really give a fuck. That's still you're they're asking you
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: for money. You can ask back what is that. We've
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: had people do that for us, like close family friends
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: who were like, hey, I hate to ask that, like
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: can can I borrow this money? And I knew they
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: had already borrowed money from other people, so we were like, hey,
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: you're quite a bit younger than us, like you know,
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: friends of the family, do.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: You want to sit down?
• 19:53
  Speaker 5: We can like we'll probably loan it to you, but
• 19:55
  Speaker 5: you know, let's have a conversation about what's going on
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: with your money, like to just see what's happening there
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: maybe for some guidance, and there they did not like that.
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: It did not go well, But I don't care because
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: that was our stipulation with like if we're gonna load
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: you money, like, I'm not going to just give you
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: money when I know.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: You feel comfortable.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: That's for myself to loan.
• 20:16
  Speaker 7: That's the other thing though, too, is like if a
• 20:17
  Speaker 7: conversation like that is something that makes them not feel comfortable,
• 20:22
  Speaker 7: then you're weeding them out because they're probably also not going.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: To Yes exactly, it's like, yes.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not charging you interest. What I am going to
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: charge you is half an hour of your time, okay
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: to come over here.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: And explain what's going on.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, it's the cost of the loan.
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that's yeah, that can't That could be
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: a big ask.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: I could see.
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: I can see that being a big ask because it's
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: at some point I could be like, you know, i
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: feel like I'm doing pretty good. I feel like I'm
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: going in the right direction, and I just need a
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: little help with this.
• 20:55
  Speaker 8: Yeah sure, yeah, I mean it's it's so family members, close.
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: Friends, are and money. Yeah, it's that's with the financial
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: advice part. That's That's what I was getting too, is
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: like all of this is just fucking it's difficult.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: So Whitney, there's a scenario where you might see your
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: client or yourself even uh, giving the money and and
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: but having some accountability attached to it, having some informations.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: In the situation.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: You don't want to become cyclical, like maybe the first time, sure,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: but as I become more aware of your situation, this
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: becomes a pattern. Yes, I'm going to interfere with that pattern. Yes,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: what about a scenario where plebe and Jay needs some
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: coaching on how to say no because the survivor's guilt
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: is compelling him to keep feeding other people. He's only
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: got his portion of this money. Siblings are getting their portion.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: Fifty five K goes away pretty fast, and like, sometimes
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I don't like and Jacob, you've talked about this before
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: in the show. It wasn't family oriented. But it's when
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: friends ask for money and they ask, well, but don't
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: you have it?
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: You have it?
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Right, And like that's a question. A lot of people
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: are like, Hey, that gets to be none of your business.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: How you have I am is irrelevant, Like, don't start
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: with how liquid am I, because then you're backing me
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: into a corner now, right, So, like we've talked about
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: like how do we establish a boundary, but like I guess,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I guess I want to wrestle with the survivor's skill.
• 22:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I think that when we're faced with that
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: and just I don't know, you're you're interacting with people
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: that you love and care about, but you see them
• 22:23
  Speaker 5: from the outside looking in as like the yeah, the
• 22:26
  Speaker 5: cycles that are existing, the problematic cycles, you have pity
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: on them. Yeah, I think that what if I were
• 22:33
  Speaker 5: giving advice or you know, input to a client I
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: was working with, I would say that, you know, almost
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: like practicing sitting at that and that does comfort because
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: you know it's gonna suck, like almost like how can
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: I get around not feeling uncomfortable? Maybe just like embrace,
• 22:49
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna feel fucking uncomfortable. It's going to be a
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: very shitty situation because it almost like sets that expectation
• 22:56
  Speaker 5: then and allows you to kind of like let that
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: even though it still will be uncomfortable, it's a nice bonus.
• 23:04
  Speaker 5: I know, if it goes better than great, it's kind
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: of like expect the worst. I don't always love that advice,
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: but in this case, yeah.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: And I like just almost embrace that.
• 23:13
  Speaker 5: Yeah, if it's a fifty five K check and you've
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: told us and shared like the setup before, then that
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: is going to go away. And if you are stable,
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: they will come free like they're going to right one
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: hundred percent, Like you know that's going to happen. I
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: know that's kind of why you're writing in. But I
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: think that's where we just jump to the next expectation.
• 23:33
  Speaker 5: They will come and ask me and this is how
• 23:36
  Speaker 5: it might feel, and what do I want to say?
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: So I think it starts with like what do you
• 23:41
  Speaker 5: want to say? Do you have a limit of like
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: I would? I would loan them up to X amount.
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: I think that's going to be important to decide first,
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: are their boundaries set with some of this? And I
• 23:49
  Speaker 5: know that can sound kind of yucky, like I just
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: shared you know, are you going to sit down with
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: me and do whatever?
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: I don't really care. It's your money.
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: If they don't want to give in and they want
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: to do their own thing, they're allowed to go be
• 23:59
  Speaker 5: out on miss and do their own thing, right, But
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: I don't know. I think I would start with what
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: you feel comfortable with, and if you're like, I don't
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: want to give them any money, because I do want this,
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: and I maybe feel like a shitty person for saying that,
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: for thinking like I just make you.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: Feel shitty too. Well, do you need it?
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Because I can't literally get an idea. You're my life
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: and it's like, oh my god. At some point, you
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: just don't want to answer the phone anymore.
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: Well, I know, and that's where it's check over to me,
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: what are the requests? So it's like, do you need
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: help getting an ID? Let me help you do that.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: Instead of giving you the I'll drive you DMV.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's where I was kind of going earlier with
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: that too.
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: So I don't think, but I said it out loud.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: I like the idea of just signing the check over.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: To you send me the money, Like, sign the.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Check over to me, I'll cash it for you, and
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: I'll give you the money. I'll just be the purse. Okay,
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: here you go.
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: You give me the check, sign it over to my name,
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: I'll cash it, hand you the money.
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: If such a thing is possible.
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: That actually I don't know, but it's all sticky.
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: But going back to your point there, what I'm hearing
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: you say is that survivor's skilt is a very serious thing.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: It's going to pull on your heart strings and like
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: role playing the discomfort, like don't wait till it happens,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: because it's a very predictable thing. So practice how to
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: say no. Let that be full sentence, Like you don't
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: necessarily have to justify your no.
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: Like challenging that avoidance because if you're because I hear
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: avoidance when he's like, let me just hid it up
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: or let me just do this.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like you're trying to create all these other
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: ways that you don't have to deal with.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: I'm telling the truth. I don't have access and like
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: that's fine if you want to do that, but.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: It's not available.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: It's not available why because I'm mentally earmarked it for
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: something else, because I dont them to young supple nineteen
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: year old coin, you know, and because I believe in
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: smart investments. I notoriously have a problem saying no to people.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: No good but play there, right.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: You know what really.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Helps me though, sometimes is I I.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: Just I picture everybody else is Jim. Yeah, to say.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: This is great, not far.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: Off from my stupid I'm your sister.
• 26:05
  Speaker 7: I think of I picture somebody. I picture somebody that
• 26:08
  Speaker 7: I know that has no problem saying no. That's really
• 26:11
  Speaker 7: good setting boundaries, and I think, what would this person
• 26:15
  Speaker 7: like that? And I try to pretend like, Okay, I'm
• 26:17
  Speaker 7: going to play this this role, bake it till till
• 26:22
  Speaker 7: you make.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: It, drink everybody. We didn't even recommend therapy yet.
• 26:26
  Speaker 7: Yeah, so I like to do that and that already helps,
• 26:30
  Speaker 7: That's right. The other thing I do that I've learned
• 26:32
  Speaker 7: too is I've learned the importance And I really really
• 26:36
  Speaker 7: figured this out when I was a clinical director to
• 26:38
  Speaker 7: rehab because if you want to talk about like constantly
• 26:42
  Speaker 7: getting pressured into giving people what they want, and alcoholics
• 26:49
  Speaker 7: are the most resourceful people.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: As soon as they know you're the boss.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: I'm skipping over all these I'm gonna have a first
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: name relationship with this guy.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: You're like, I read through you in a second.
• 26:59
  Speaker 7: They know how to like talk and everything. And so
• 27:02
  Speaker 7: I I learned the value of being able to say
• 27:05
  Speaker 7: no because it means it makes saying yes that much
• 27:09
  Speaker 7: more powerful. I like that, you know, when you're able
• 27:12
  Speaker 7: to just set clear boundaries and say Nope, I'm not
• 27:15
  Speaker 7: going to do this, Nope. But when I actually do
• 27:18
  Speaker 7: agree with you on something, that agreement means something now
• 27:21
  Speaker 7: because I've established a pattern of saying no. The other thing, though, too,
• 27:26
  Speaker 7: that I've I learned is not to just say no,
• 27:29
  Speaker 7: just be like nope, okay, but to be like no.
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: Them a little bit, make fun of them, yeah, called fat.
• 27:36
  Speaker 7: Yeah No, I'm not going to do that. But here's
• 27:40
  Speaker 7: what I will do. Okay, here's what I am willing
• 27:43
  Speaker 7: to do. I'm not willing to give you three hundred
• 27:45
  Speaker 7: and fifty dollars. I am willing to give you a
• 27:47
  Speaker 7: ride to a dm V. I am willing to sit
• 27:49
  Speaker 7: with you. I am willing to help you get all
• 27:51
  Speaker 7: that stuff.
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: I'm willing to give you Whitney's phone number and she
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: will ask you what you're going to use that money
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: for that?
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: Yes, So that's what I like. I like this one
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: last thought for me, please, b and Jay. There's a
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: book that I'm trying to read for myself right now,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: and I think you and I actually have somewhat similar
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: backstories in some ways. I'm not going to get into
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: my shit. But there's a really good book called Complex
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: PTSD From Surviving to Thriving, a Guide and Map for
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: Recovering from Childhood Trauma.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: It's really good book.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: It's by Pete Walker, and there's some really good chapters
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: in here, like about people pleasing and like fight, flight,
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: freeze and fawn and like just different kinds of adaptations
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: that people that have gone through shit like you've gone
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: through might catch themselves doing, and like dealing with that
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: inner critic, outter critic. Just some really good stuff in here.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: So I recommend it's prettyestablish book because we're in twenty thirteen.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: And also there's an entirely free audio book on YouTube
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: if you just know how to search for that kind
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: of shit, it's in there.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: Go check it out. But yeah, this is a really
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: good story or YouTube.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Congratulations that your life is moving forward, and you know,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: I love that you're you know, kind of waving the
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: flag of therapy as a way that you access to that.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: You know, and obviously it's not the method. I mean,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: you deserve all the credit. You did all this yourself,
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: but even choosing to focus on your mental health, to
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: value yourself and make that a priority is something that
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: I think we want to celebrate in you and that
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: now that you're inheriting this money, that you're thinking about
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: it and thinking, hey, I want to get ahead of this.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: I still have a broken system. A part of how
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: do I know, love people and support them, but also
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: start thinking about boundaries and how do I also grieve
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: a little bit that the likely cycle that I'm going
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: to witness, and how do I also not make it
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: my responsibility to run around, you know, and teach everybody
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: in my family how to live a better life. I
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: kind of have to give people the dignity of choice,
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: and that fifty five k is probably going to slip
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: through some hands pretty fast. But there's still a system.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Fifty five k is good money. It's not retirement money.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: The system still needs to be Their food stamps still
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: need to be, their Section eight still needs to be there.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: Hopefully this money can give them some better options, maybe
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: they turn it into something. At the end of the day, though,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: you've got to take care of you that's not selfish,
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: that's required.
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: And when do you say that it's life changing money?
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: It can be.
• 29:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and Jim's right, it's not necessarily life change, no
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: retirement money, but it's but it's you know, it's it's
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: potentially something that you could get you going in the
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: right direction for sure, and give you that jump start that.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: You need if you invest it intelligently in a growing
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: form of currency. That is all the rage, it's all
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: anybody's talking about. I'm talking about. She is a hot
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: supple nineteen year old coin.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: Go pick it up.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: We're placing orders at patreon dot com slash therapy. She
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: is a hot supple nineteen year old. It is crypto
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: in the sense that it is also figured, and we
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: don't know how to make it.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: We don't know how.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: I'm a bad boy, but we'll take your money.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: I think we can get build a mine in Jacob's beckyard.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Do we just write io you's I think that's what
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: it is. If we just send them a piece of
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: paper that says you own three supple young bitcoins.
• 30:45
  Speaker 7: Oh my god, this is a car hundred fifty thou
• 30:47
  Speaker 7: gonna want to hold on?
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: That's a good one. Yeah, I like these the pod
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: therapy for whatever our cryptocurrency is paygen dot com slash therapy.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: We'll take your money, and.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: You know what, it's just as valid as every other
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: crypto coin, so I don't know that we're really getting
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: away with anything anyway, Buddy, good luck, congratulations on this,
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: Excited for the next steps, and thank you for the compliment.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: We really appreciate it.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: we're talking about when to break up. You are listening
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: to pod Therapy. Today's episode is brought to you by
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: Judy Scheiner, LEONK Kasab, Carolyn Albert, Sammy Scoob with Sarah Smith,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Mike towm Darren Cuttingham and The Brady Late Check, Max
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: the Ginger Scoop, Ellie O'Dare and Amy Ardvark. Would you
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: like to sponsor the show? Become a therap producer a patreon.
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: Dot com slash therapy.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: Al Right, this week's trivia Thank You, Emma, is about
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: everyday objects you never questioned until now. Oh yes, I like, yeah,
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: You're gonna start off with an easy one.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: I think, come on, what the fuck man?
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Well give me you just you set her up, dude,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I always get the hard one. I feel like you
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: start with her when it's an easy one and you
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: fuck me over, fuck me good tangment, the hard one.
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: Sick of it?
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: Sick of the ship anyway?
• 32:11
  Speaker 7: Uh, why is there often a tiny arrow next to
• 32:14
  Speaker 7: your car's fuel gauge icon.
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: Tells you which side your gas tank is, like where
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: you feed the gas.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: To your guys?
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: Are you sure? Are you shooting from the hip for two?
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Are you going to take auctions?
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: I'm sure?
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that is all right, But that's right, good job.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: Also, I like to die by that. Like before we
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: added that little innovation, my life made no.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Like trying to look in the mirror week I was
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: on the.
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: Wrong side at least once. Dude, I do you do
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: you have to look at yours?
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: Well, I do because one of our cars is on
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: one side and the other well not anymore, actually, I
• 32:52
  Speaker 5: guess the prius the prius had so when we are
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: rid of that now they're both on the same side.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: But for a while, even though you've owned your car
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: for a while and that's the one you mostly don't,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: still like just to make sure every.
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: Single time, I never know where it is. That arrow
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: has a name. Do you know the name?
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: Did you find the name of it? Real quickly googling
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: right now, I found the name O y l a
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: n Moylan arrow.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: That is definitely the guy who cuts off a baby's.
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: It was invented by Ford engineer Jim moylan. Okay, it's
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: a cut off a baby penis.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: He's a rabbi. It's called a breeze. Invented in eighty six.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: That's definitely not what you think.
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: Oh and also it has another tie into Whitney. It
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: was it first appeared on the Ford Escort.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: Oh there you go, because as we all know, Whitney
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: a celebrated.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: All right, Jacob, Two points here.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Jacob, why does the bottom of a soda can have
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: that popped in dome shape?
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: Christ I will also shoot from the hip because why not?
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: It is too.
• 33:59
  Speaker 4: It's stronger, so it holds back the pressure that's built
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: up inside the can when it seals, So it keeps
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: the can from deforming to make it.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: Stronger under pressure. I thought it was gonna be to
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: sell less soda. It's like a little cheap trick that's like, yeah,
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: the volume of the can decreases because of this shady
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: little move. They're getting away with something. They're getting away.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: Don't trust the man now, okay, Jim, you fuck You're
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: gonna give me a hard one?
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: How many a hard one? On many highs.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: How many bottles? Why is the fifty seven on the neck?
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: All right?
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Important?
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: All right?
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: So like I think I know the answer, but this
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: is definitely one of those things that I was like,
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: it's a family thing that we would say, okay, and
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: it's probably not fucking true, right, but I'm gonna shoot
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: from the hip. This is the best, the only way
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: I have a shot at this. Yeah, in my family,
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: the fifty seven was on that very specific spot on
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: the glass. I'm talking about the original bottles, the glass
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: ones with the white top, you know, I'm talking about
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: kinety seven. The fifty seven was there so we ketchup
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: bottle because whenever you tip the bottle over and it
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: would get stuck, you'd have if you hit it on
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: that spot on the fifty seven, whatever physics is happening there,
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: that would get the ketchup out. You try to hit
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: it in the back, it wouldn't work, so try to
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: shake it. You had to hit it right there on
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: the fifty seven, right on the neck, and that's the
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: only way that you'd get it out. And it was
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: like that was what you're supposed to do. That's why
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: the fifty seven was there, correct, First off, I don't
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: sound like that.
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: Okay, not at all what I sound like bonus point?
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: Do you know what? The fifty seven is? A number?
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: Final, a.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: Prime number maybe even to Okay, do I lose anything
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: on this?
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: This is just a bonus.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: We'll see how I feel.
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna say the year that formula was created or something.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, like cocoa classics. But the Hines fifty seven
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: is the year that it was created.
• 36:09
  Speaker 7: No, okay, it was the number of flavors of pickles
• 36:13
  Speaker 7: that they made.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: Wow for catch that's it.
• 36:17
  Speaker 7: Somebody's gonna have to fact check me on that, but
• 36:20
  Speaker 7: that's my understandings.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: Fifty seven. Yeah, it's called fifty seven because they had
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: fifty seven different flavors of pickles.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: But they were were they a pickle company? Yeah?
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: Apparently. Jacob has now created a logo for our cryptocurrency. Yes,
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: the hot Supple, nineteen year old coin.
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: It looks beautiful, it has a good logo.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: This will be up on the Patreon so or up
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: on the discord. So if you're not a member, this
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: is your.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: Week, because they like the chocolate box and.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, these coins, guys, we can barely hold on to
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: them okay, In fact, I have none in my hands.
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: Or we wanted to put chocolate inside of them. Yeah,
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: Jim couldn't handle it.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: That's right, too hot for TV crazy.
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: Yes, that's what we should do. We just send them
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: chocolate coins.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: I mean.
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: Huge people, and like the price keeps going up, the values.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: Really you got to buy it early. You got to
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: get in early, guys.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: There's only so many that are going to be made.
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: I do not want to miss out on supple. You
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: have no idea what the value of this coin is. Neither.
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: I cannot tell you that the value of this coin is.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: It's a secret, it's crypto. All right, we have to talk.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: Jim is not in the lead, but I am not
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: in the last place. I'll take that people's champion.
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: When to break up? This is a short question.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Can you all share some insight on when
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: you are When would be a healthy time to end
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: a relationship?
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: Tuesday evenings? You want to break up?
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: That way, they have the weekend to start searching for
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: a new partner. That's what i've heard, polite, Yeah, that's
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: what i've heard. End of day Friday, have a security
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: escort them out. I'm a thirty eight year old and
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: have been with my partner for nine years. We live
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: together and I feel like they're my other half. But
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: for years I've been thinking about whether I should end
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: the relationship. Lately, I've been daydreaming about being with someone
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: else or just being by myself. I love my partner,
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: but we've lost the spark. It would be absolutely devastating
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: to end our relationship, but I wonder if it'd be
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: for the best in the long run. I also worry
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: about age. Is I don't want myself or my partner
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: to be strung along for too long since we're not
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: getting any younger. Please let me know your thoughts. Thank
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: you so much, Anonymous.
• 38:44
  Speaker 7: So the first question that I've learned that we need
• 38:46
  Speaker 7: to ask is are they a listener of the show?
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, let's go ahead and get that out of the way.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Anonymous, Yes we do.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: I know a lot of you want to share this
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: show with your partners. We love that you do. That
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: now excludes you from writing in about your partner. Yeah, forever,
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: they will figure it out.
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: It will be weird forever. Well unless they know about it.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: Yes unless Yeah, we've had partners right in together, which
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: also we need to do that when we go live.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Is we need to have Couple's Referee night, where like
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: just bring in the couple and to testify and then
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: we vote who's right once a month.
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: We just fucking throw it down. That would be such
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: a great show.
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: Oh you get Couple's Therapy as a Patreon voter, we.
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: Can destroy so many lives. Oh yeah, we've already been
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: doing it.
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: Now we can do it to their face, but now
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: we can put a lot of wattage behind it.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: I like this question because you know so yeah, this
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: question I think gets to the heart of because I
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: think that the writer's giving us some important clues here saying, look,
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: I still care about them. I would be devastated without them.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: We have been together for a decade, but the spark
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: is gone. And that's fascinating, right because they're saying, so
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: if the spark is gone, we've lost like that zeal.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: Now I'm asking that question of Okay, where do we
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: go from here? Does it continue to be something that
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: feels like it's chipping away and going downhill or.
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: Is it just a slump?
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: Is this nine years? Is this maybe a slump? And
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: we should be like, whoa whoa, whoa, hold up, don't
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: bail Hang in there. There's a lot of different.
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: Takes on this.
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: You said, you said you've been thinking about this for
• 40:22
  Speaker 4: a couple of years.
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: Point. They do call it the seven year itch. Yes,
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: I meanistically, by the way, there is there is a name.
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, I don't know anything more about it, but
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: I know that it has a name that is true.
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: So like I mean that that the timing does line
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: up there.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the highest point of breakup for most marriages is
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: the seventh or eighth year.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: And how old? How old did they say they were?
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah eight?
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: So we're like, so they've been together for their thirties
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: and we're like running into mid life.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: Little midlife area too. Yeah, buddy, all right, so what
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: are we thinking about?
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: Face there?
• 40:58
  Speaker 5: I The obvious first question is have you talked with
• 41:01
  Speaker 5: your partner about your feelings, like hey, or like you've
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: had that discussion.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: Are we losing our spark or you know? And it
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: can be kind.
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: Of a yeah, that.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: Study does not.
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: Do you know.
• 41:19
  Speaker 7: What they should do is have a baby that doesn't.
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: Buy a house, have a.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Baby, remodel everything.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Then you get a third Okay, you don't jump right
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: to a swinger. Okay, you've got to go through the
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: normal level with nanny.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: We should hire nanny. We don't even have kids.
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: It's an a pair giving them an.
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: Experience with you. But they're kind of on the.
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: But so yeah, the obvious first thing is have you
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: talked to your partner about this, because my belief is,
• 41:53
  Speaker 5: and I know it takes two to tango or three
• 41:55
  Speaker 5: of your Jacob per so two to tang.
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: I don't know what that dance is, but it's not
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: the tank. You got cheated and shit.
• 42:05
  Speaker 5: So as long as your partner is agreeable to this,
• 42:08
  Speaker 5: I think that oh my god, I totally lost my
• 42:11
  Speaker 5: train to not think about the take.
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you have both of them. It takes lead with
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: disgust that the spark is gone.
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: Oh okay, So as long as both people people are
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: involved and like agree to it, I think that spark
• 42:24
  Speaker 5: can be reunited, like reignited.
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: There we go reignited.
• 42:27
  Speaker 5: And I think if your partner is also kind of like, yeah,
• 42:31
  Speaker 5: you know, it has been a little dull or you know,
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: I would be open to like trying some new things
• 42:37
  Speaker 5: or letting in that food Jacob mentioned like the.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: Couples get really comfortable, right, and like you become the
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: sweatpants ponytail couple and it's like, yeah, the spark does
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: start to go away, and it's like, well, okay, let's
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: notify each other that, like I miss seeing that other
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: part of you. Let's find that.
• 42:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like it can be really humans like
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: to be comfortable. We want the path of least resistance,
• 42:58
  Speaker 5: and so it's very easy to fall into that. Even
• 43:00
  Speaker 5: the side effect of that is also maybe some complacency stagnation, yeah, stagnation.
• 43:05
  Speaker 5: So yeah, I know we've talked about this one here before,
• 43:08
  Speaker 5: but obviously Esther Perel is a great, oh great resource.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: I love, love love her.
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: So she has a great book called Mating in Captivity
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: and Esa Perel's entire thesis in that book, which pick
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: up the book, it's a really really good and really
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: glady references. She talks about how familiarity is the inverse
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: of eroticism. So she talks about exactly what makes the
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: relationship erotic in the beginning is that there is a strangeness.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: You don't fully know how the other person feels about you,
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: and it feels extremely igniting. Whenever they seem to approve
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: of you, they like you, they pursue you. There's intimacy,
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: You're like, whoa, this is like we're catching fire. But
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: then the longer you're with each other, the more you
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: have that familiarity, You know each other, you belong to
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: each other. It's this real sense of connection. And like
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: what she talks about is that is the inverse of
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: that eroticism. You're going to lose the spark. But she
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: talks about in the book like a that shouldn't be
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: seen as a bad thing, I should be seen as
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: part of a life cycle of a mature relationship, which
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: is the bit I'm going to get to talk about
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: a second. But also she gives a lot of ideas
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: for how to recapture that, in part by challenging familiarity
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: and discovering your partner in new ways, but also like
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: with intention that this doesn't just it's not going to
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: reignite by accident. So if you haven't like put the
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: effort in when I think this is your thesis, if
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: you haven't put the effort in yet, it's probably not time.
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: To call it.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's I feel like, at least.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: Is the patient cpry something yeahs I think too, Like
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: the partner, like, how is the partner going to receive this?
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: Is this going to feel like it came out of nowhere?
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: Good point or really good point kind of thinking like,
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, I saw this coming. Yeah, you've brought this
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: up about a dozen times.
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: Oh that's a good question, asked yourself.
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: Will if you were to end it today, Yeah, how
• 44:49
  Speaker 4: surprised on a scale of zero to ten would your
• 44:53
  Speaker 4: partner be? Yeah, because I feel like if it's if
• 44:55
  Speaker 4: it's a low number, you might be doing your partner
• 44:58
  Speaker 4: a bit of a disservice.
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah right, wait low wait.
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, like if they're not surprised. Oh well, you
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: mean if they are if they are surprised. Yeah, we
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: assume the higher number was more surprised.
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, God, So I said, yeah, zero, you did
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: your job.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: Like you've been petitioning and talking and trying to work
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: on it.
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, that was okay.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: So another note that I would add onto this, So, okay,
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: I don't want us all just take this position of
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: like coming off as minimizing your experience, though, like you're
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: allowed to say, hey, guys, the spice is gone.
• 45:32
  Speaker 5: Relationships can end, that is, and you have a long
• 45:35
  Speaker 5: life ahead of you at thirty eight.
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: Very true, and and so that's fair.
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: But I guess I have a couple of thoughts on
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: this one, and I do a deep dive on this
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: in the Patreon we I do a whole talk about
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: Sternberg's triangular theory of love. And so Sternberg has this
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: really great model where he explains love in the concept
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: of three core components that can mix and match into
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: different flavors, and all of these are part of the
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: life cycle of a relationship, and all of them are valid.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: They're all real, true concepts of love that manifest at
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: different times. And it's like, I'm not gonna get into
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: the whole lectuies to check it out, but like the
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: basics are the three core ingredients are passion, which is
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: that chemistry that you're kind of talking about, intimacy which
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: is not a euphemism for sex in this case, it
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: means friendship, understanding, real connection. And then the third component's commitment,
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: like that sense of long standing, that sense of interrelatedness,
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: bonding your lives, migrating your life together, being seen as
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: one team. So whenever you combine those two elements on
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: any of the three corners of the triangle. You can
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: combine just two and you can get a form of
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: a relationship, Like there's infatuation that can happen. But one
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: of the types of love that he talks about is
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: whenever you combine the understanding friendship side, which is called intimacy,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: and the commitment side, which is you guys being together
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: for nine years, but you don't have the passion corner.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: He calls that companionate love, and in his book he
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: talks about how most couples at some point will gravitate
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: to that. He says, most couples start with just passion, right.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: You start with the chemistry, you're connecting. This is great.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: You get to know the person, you like them, you
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: understand them. That that's that first bar, which he calls
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: romantic love, and that's what most of us start our
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: life cycle of like Western attraction based marriages or relationships
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: in and then over time you start to grab at
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: that commitment side, which you guys have done over ten years,
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: where people start adding, you know, we're living together, we're
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: joining bank accounts, we're co invested, maybe we're getting married.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: We're hitting these like life milestones. We're adopting a cat.
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: You know you're doing like all the things that you
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: do together, and then when you have all three calls
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: that consummate love. But he says, consummate love is inherently temporary,
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: and it's this incredible high that a lot of couples achieve,
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: and then they chase over and over again, or whenever
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: it's gone, they think something's wrong with their relationship. But
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: Sternberg says, no, there's nothing wrong with your relationship. Consummate
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: love is inherently temporary. You get little flickers of it.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: It's all consuming, it's wonderful, but you're more likely going
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: to migrate on one bar of the triangle. So a
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: lot of couples start with romance love, that combination of
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: passion and friendship or intimacy. But a lot of couples
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: over time, especially past that seven eight year mark, they
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: gravitate over to companionate love, which is the combination of intimacy,
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: which is that liking and understanding and commitment. And yeah,
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: they flicker away from the passion in part because of
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Esther Perell's theory that familiarity is the inverse to eroticism,
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: and so that starts to happen. But Sternberg talks about
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: how that's an important part of the life cycle. And
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: some couples, you know, migrate to just one corner of
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: the triangle where they're just together for commitment for a while,
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: and they're not very close anymore, and they don't have
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: a lot of chemistry anymore, but the commitment is rock solid.
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: Those old couples are like together for the kids or
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: sitting on the rock and distry touch each other. Yeah,
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: they never touch each other. They're not besties, they avoid
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: each other. But Doug Gonnet, they're going to be buried
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: side by side in the graveyard, you know. And he
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: talks about like, yeah, that is a form of love,
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: that is a genuine, legitimate form. And so his theory is,
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: if you can see yourself on the map on the triangle,
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: if you can appreciate your history and where you've migrated
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: and know that you're in a specific area that he
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: has foreseen that you might end up in and even
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: could predict certain couples will end up there, it gives
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: you a lot of security in a sense of understanding that, Okay,
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: so maybe I don't have to throw the whole damn
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: thing away because the next person you pair with writer,
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: you might in year one, Oh yeah, they're gonna be
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: knocking your socks off. You're gonna have that chemistry, that
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: passion is gonna be back, You're gonna be discovering a
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: new person's gonna be so exciting, or be reform and commitment.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: You're gonna get to taste all those other flavors. But
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: in a decade, you're very likely to end up at
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: companion at love again for some amount of time or
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: for a season. And I don't want that to keep
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: being the story of your life as you just life
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: cycle through these things and throw them away. I wonder
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: if you're leaving a lot on the table.
• 49:39
  Speaker 3: And I don't know.
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: I don't want to get prescriptive here, because I do
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: want to honor that this person's writing in saying I
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: feel like I would like to break up, but it's
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: going to be painful, and I'm asking when should I
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: actually break up? So each of us has kind of
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: weighed against the breakup for different reasons. What would be
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: your your note of saying this is when I think
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: you should? And in one point all three of you
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: have already given is you should if you have spoken
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: up enough, and this has been on the table and
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: discussed thoroughly, and I guess we assume and hasn't gotten better.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: Do you guys have other criteria that you'd say, Here's
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: when I would throw in the towel.
• 50:14
  Speaker 7: I think when you're no longer interested in trying to
• 50:17
  Speaker 7: fix it.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: Whether it's just you're already checked on.
• 50:22
  Speaker 7: Yeah, whether it's just because it's you've tried and it
• 50:25
  Speaker 7: hasn't worked, or maybe you just when you think about
• 50:28
  Speaker 7: trying to make it work, it's just it's just not
• 50:31
  Speaker 7: exciting to you, or you just feel like you're just
• 50:34
  Speaker 7: not invested in.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: I think that says a lot when you're rooting against
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: it working out. Yeah, Yeah, you're no longer wanting to work.
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: That's solid because you're going to sabotage it. Yeah you
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: got to call it.
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess yeah.
• 50:46
  Speaker 5: I mean I like what Nick said because my other
• 50:49
  Speaker 5: thought was just, yeah, what we already touched on. Where
• 50:53
  Speaker 5: I mean, I think it's worth a try, because then
• 50:55
  Speaker 5: you might always wonder what if after you break up, like, oh,
• 50:59
  Speaker 5: did I try try my best or did I try everything?
• 51:02
  Speaker 5: But if you really feel like you did, what I've
• 51:03
  Speaker 5: seen in friends of mine's relationships, as well. Is that?
• 51:07
  Speaker 5: I mean when they tried and tried and tried for
• 51:09
  Speaker 5: years another person maybe they said they'd be receptive, but
• 51:13
  Speaker 5: then nothing happened. There was an effort on the other side,
• 51:16
  Speaker 5: it's like they're like, all right, well I'm leaving. Of
• 51:19
  Speaker 5: course the other person feels blindsided. Sure what, but you
• 51:22
  Speaker 5: know I would You're like writer, you know, if you
• 51:26
  Speaker 5: talked about it before or not, like stick with what.
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: What you know? Don't let anyone gaslight you on that end.
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: But for you, it sounds like what you're saying, you
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: can measure that like your your personal intuitions and emotions.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: Those change day to day, those changed week by week,
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: conversation by conversation. But the measurable milestones of having sat
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: down and had serious talks and made real, measurable effort,
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: that's that's your barometer. That's your check in to see
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: how far you've gone with it. Yeah, when do you
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: throw in the towel of Jacob?
• 51:56
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 51:57
  Speaker 4: I mean, I think I like Nick's answer, Nix's answer
• 51:59
  Speaker 4: of you know, when you're if you're done, if you're
• 52:02
  Speaker 4: done fighting it, like if you're done working at.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: It, you don't have to have a reason.
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I like that.
• 52:07
  Speaker 4: You can just be done with your own get behind that.
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so nobody said it yet. Shame on all of
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: you couple's therapy, you know, drink everybody. We're getting all
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: the hits in tonight, we're doing all the layups. Yeah,
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: so a lot of people this should Yeah, there's definitely
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: got to be a being o car. We got to
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: update that thing, MANU, get on it. None of us
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: even know how this works, but it's still in the
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: episode description. If any of you want to play Jim's
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: neurotic bingo at home, open up the public shows episode description,
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: but no couples therapy. So like, look, there's an old
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: saying in couple's therapy that therapy is cheaper than divorce,
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: you know, no matter even if you have to pay
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: a pocket like, we are always cheaper than divorce. And
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: you know you didn't mention it's insane, you know, But
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: therapy and then a divorce is double. But you know,
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: measure twice cut once, right. Also, you're going to get
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: a better value on the resale if you repair it first. Okay,
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: I don't know what.
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: That figure out where your water shut off? Valvey. Yeah,
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: the point is if you own a home, you really
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: do want to know where that.
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: I mean, honestly, I'm still just a little taken aback
• 53:13
  Speaker 4: by Jim's attack earlier on me because I am literally
• 53:17
  Speaker 4: wearing sweatpants and have a ponytail.
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: Oh shit, slippers, the house slippers, my house shoes. I mean,
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: I'm just like I just I feel attacked.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: But she's a lucky woman. Okay, we are now.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: Have you seen those matter we're.
• 53:35
  Speaker 3: Recording in your home? You live your life?
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: No, But I mean, don't be afraid to consider the
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: couple's therapy thing because look to me, if you had
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: invested in anything in your life for nine years and
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: like the flavor is gone and you're you're not sure,
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: I think that you're asking a categorical question that ought
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: to be considered, right, like the new shine, the new
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: car smell has left the marriage or the relationship. But
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: there's something else you now have acts to a decade
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: in that you may not have access to with anybody else, right, Like,
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: there's something else that you've earned through that investment that
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: I just think is worth really taking the time to
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: kick all four tires on. So I like the idea
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: of couple's therapy here to make sure because if you
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: throw away that ten years the next relationship, you cannot
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: get to this place again for another decade. Yeah, so
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: that's a long road.
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: But for real, just to just to put a fine
• 54:24
  Speaker 4: point on this. If your wife's vagina smells like a
• 54:28
  Speaker 4: new car, okay, you should go to the doctor. Yeah yeah, yeah,
• 54:32
  Speaker 4: that is not that is not what that is supposed
• 54:35
  Speaker 4: to smell.
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: Like, I was gonna say, hang on to that.
• 54:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, I was like that.
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but get it checked out.
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just to be sure.
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because it doesn't seem like it'd be healthy.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: Patreon dot com slash therapy writer get in there and
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: just an announcement to everybody.
• 54:51
  Speaker 4: When you go like a new car but with leather
• 54:53
  Speaker 4: and like, yeah, treatment on it.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: When you go into our patreon, our pinned top post
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: is a directory. It's a library directory with hot links
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: to everything that I've basically been able to hot link to.
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: It's a little out of date, but the only things
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: missing are like my AI stuff that's kind of recent
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: enough that you just scroll back in the feed. So
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: I do need to get it up today. It's a
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: few months out of date, but nine year libraries in there,
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: including that triangular theory of love discussion, which I think
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: is a two parter. I think that part one is
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: getting into the design of the concept, and part two
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: is going into the eight different types of love that
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: Sternberg talks about to explore that in a really cool dynamic.
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: We recently got a new Patreon member and she's sitting
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: in this room.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: I was going to say, I already started the deep
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: Vibe when she got on speed. I was like, I can't.
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: Believe you did that. I thought you were joking.
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: Finally figured out how to let Whitney access the Patreon
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: and she writes back and goes, I'm gonna do the
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: eighth I laughed because.
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: I was like, no, you're.
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: Fucking I was like, let me just go see curious
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: listening to.
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: ADHD on two x speed also a way to know
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: if you have a HD you can.
• 56:02
  Speaker 3: Just or if you just value your time.
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: But you use the directory page in order to find that,
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: I assume or did you search?
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: I search, yeah, or maybe it was kind of hard
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: to search. Let me go back in there.
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: You're fucking this up Withhitney that we're talking about how
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: user friendly the Patreon is.
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: I think it was the one that most listened to things.
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: We need to get rid of her bed. I know
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: it's been a couple of years, but.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: When you figure out the probation period over ruining the
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: show at the point where I no longer feel motivated
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: to work on.
• 56:31
  Speaker 3: It, yeah, yeah, yeah, because yeah, yeah, I'm rooting against it.
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: She's almost forty, she's got life. Yeah, this has been
• 56:49
  Speaker 3: dragging out long enough.
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: I just I find myself spending all my free time
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: on the internet looking for other possible things.
• 56:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: I actually created a profile for us on this website
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: where you can meet other hot young therapists in your area.
• 57:05
  Speaker 4: It's the first time that adding a third hasn't worked out.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: Anyway, lunch therapy, I promise you it's easier to use
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: than Whitney is trying to teach you.
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: This whole time. She's like flicking through. No, damn it,
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: you're fucking this up with me. You are telling me
• 57:28
  Speaker 3: small anyway, good luck with this writer.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: We'd love to hear what you end up choosing, but
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: check out the patreot make sure you're getting all those resources.
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: We definitely try to offer some things, but I would
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: not walk away until you've at least sat down with
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: a professional and done some personal.
• 57:43
  Speaker 3: Work on it, or just personal work for yourself.
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: Doesn't have to bring your partner into it, but double
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: check a decade investment's worth getting into. Speaking of investments,
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: Hot Supple nineteen year old crypto coin, right now it
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: feels a hot supple nineteen year old coin.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: Check it out. How you've embraced it now? Yeah, yeah,
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: there's money to be Also.
• 58:03
  Speaker 4: Embrace the hot supple nineteen year old years ago.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh oh yeah, it's now hot supple twenty seven
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: year old.
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: This is not even interesting. Nobody cares.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: The beginning of the show, also first listener to create.
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: A website to go with this.
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: Uh yeah, just have added hass you know where where
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: can we sell these coins?
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: That's where we need it.
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: We are going to take a quick break, and when
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: we come back, we have a very serious letter about
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: reckoning with shame. You are listening to pod Therapy. Today's
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: episode is brought to you by Judie Schneider, Leon Kassa,
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: Carolyn Albert, Sammy Scoop, Sarah Smith, Mike Darren Cunningham, Brady
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: and Malaysiack Max the Gender Scoop Eli Oh, dear, and
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: Amy hard Bark, would you ex wants the show become
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: a theraproducer? Patrinon dot com slash Alright, Hi, game whitneybody's
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: doing great. Phillips screw heads are famous for slipping. Historically,
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: that cam out, as it's known, was caused by.
• 59:06
  Speaker 2: What that cam out is that the word you said?
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's when when it slips, when the screw slips
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: out or the bit slips out of the screw, the
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: hand gestures you're using to explain this.
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: You're doing a really great job.
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: This is how I Also, I don't appreciate you putting
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: it right toward my face if you could just not great.
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: So instead of calling it came out, they say it
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: cam out, cam out.
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: That's stupid. Oh okay, so your dumb hardware companies.
• 59:32
  Speaker 7: Phillips screw heads are famous for slipping. Historically, that cam
• 59:36
  Speaker 7: out was blank, and then there's a list of options take.
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: I'm obviously going to take the option one.
• 59:41
  Speaker 3: Caused it.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: Pressure an accident, no one fixed designed to help prevent overtightening,
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: and assembly work meant to make screws harder to remove,
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: only an issue with power drills, not hand tools.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: M I feel like B sounds like a good answer.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 3: Correct, Wow, the rebounds. What's it called designed?
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 4: Like a designed failure?
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 3: Design? Failed point? Yeah, so way you can't break anything? Well,
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: you're not supposed to be able to. But yeah, overtight
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: got it right? Yeah?
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: What happens if you overtighten?
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 4: Then it's too tight? Yeah, that's the thing, that's right there,
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 4: that's right there.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 3: You ever heard of something being too tight before? Happen? Again?
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 3: Mm hmm? Oud of us for just letting it go.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 3: Why do some screws such a big box?
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: Such a big box?
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 7: Why do some screws use a Torques star head instead
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 7: of a Phillips cross head?
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: Oh boy, oh, let's hear those options. The torus looks nicer.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 3: It does, that's it.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 7: Torus reduces slipping and handles higher torque.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 3: It does do that.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 7: Torque is only for soft materials. Torks is easier to manufacture.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: I don't think that last part is true at all.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 4: I think the last part is just false. Yeah, I
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 4: think it's B.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: I like B.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 3: It is nice, dude, nice. I do like a good torque,
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 3: a nice tork. Screw Who doesn't love them?
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 5: That?
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: Love it when they tork right in front of me.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: I got a torque bit right here? Oh yeah, to
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: baby tork bit tork. Then okay, uh questions, Jim, you
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: get the cracker question that feels right?
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 7: How uh? Why do many crackers like saltines have those
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 7: neat little holes?
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: Jesus Christ, is this gonna be like a golf ball thing?
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: It does make the cracker a.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 4: It does make the cracker possible to hit with a
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 4: golf club.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 3: Oh boy? Oh man.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: So if I go for two, I could win it
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: right here?
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 3: Uh huh, oh man.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: But there's no amount of me that knows any fucking thing.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: Why are there to break even?
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's gotta be aerodynamics or something about.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 3: It's definitely aerodynamics. You gotta get air in the cracker.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: I don't know why you're guessing yourself, but believe in yourself.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 7: Because they were originally I mean they started in world
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 7: in the Civil War. It's like, but it was a weapon.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 7: If you for close combat, you could throw the crack.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: Like a star.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, these little ridges on the side exactly, okay,
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: and gets in your eyes. Yeah, okay, all right, all right,
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna take options stands. I'm not gonna go for
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: fine watch option D is throwing Chinese stars during the
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: Civil War. Aerodynamic dynamic crackers a decoration crackers are just
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: fancy that way.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: It kind of is true.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: B to let steam escape so they bake flat and
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: crisp instead of puffing.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 7: C to absorb butter more efficiently. And D to cool
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 7: fast for baking. Damn it, I'm sorry, cool faster after baking.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 3: I like dynamics.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: I know the butter thing makes sense, and so does
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: the but then I'm like, well, you can make flat bread,
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: so why would you have to put holes in it
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: to make it flat? We can make flat bread. It's
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: called flat bread, isn't this? Unleavened bread is leavened bread
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: and flat this is Jewish cookies. These are the ones
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: that don't get big, they don't get puffy.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: So someone doesn't bake here.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 3: Like you can baked crackers. What are you talking about, fry.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: Go with your heart, Jim, you get them off the
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: cracker tree.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the one.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: About the one about holes to keep it flat? B yes, correct, yes,
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: tie game. God damn, that was a journey.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 3: That was hard. You are a special I got it right.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you're keeping special the same points
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 3: as me. I think we all know I'm not talking
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: about the points in the gate fish crackers.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: All right, Okay, buckle up, everybody. We've got a serious
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: question here. Seriously we will, Yeah, we will now officially
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: for the first time ever in the show, take a question.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 3: Seriously.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: All right, here we go reckoning with my shame from
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: Robert Brownie Junior mint Hi even number of balls having
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: therapists that includes Whitney since wis legally owned their husband's balls.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah there you gosh, Peter, I didn't make the rules.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: I just lived by them. I've been posting updates in
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: the discord, so all the pods, pals, dactyls, producers and
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: partners already know the major updates. It was so uh
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: For those who don't remember, a couple of weeks ago,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: Robert wrote in about having a mass on his testicles
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: it's right, and having to get urgent surgery to find
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: out what thank you on testicle, and so he has
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: been updating us, and so he says, uh, yep, everybody
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: in the Discord already knows the updates, and here's this update.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 3: It was good speak.
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: It was in in fact an aggressive canceram but my
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: prognosis is currently excellent.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 3: Great.
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: I've applied for some support services provided by the Dempsey
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: Center here in Maine. Yeah that Dempsey from the nineteen
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: eighty seven cult classics.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: By Me Love.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess he also played a dreamy doctor for
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: a bit too. All in all, I've had a pretty
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: easy as far as cancer goes. I don't know him
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: from either of those Dempsey Patrick Dempsey. Yeah, I know
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: him from Yeah, Gray's and Nato. Never was he doctor
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: dreamy dream dream Okay, I.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 3: Know his face.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: Mixed the other the other doctor told.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: Maybe I don't know which ones which? Okay, from positive that,
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know which one is which. My gosh, I
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: just jacket to both of them.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 3: Okay, there you go. The Brendan Fraser moved with honors.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, free Will. Isn't that one? No, No, it's
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 3: not that one. I don't It's the one with Joe Peshy.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, Casino, No Gone, Joe and Brendan Fraser. Joe peshe
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: and Fraser.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 3: Brendan Fraser.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 7: He's a he's a Harvard student. Joe plays a homeless guy.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Curly suit that is.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 1: In man No, that's it. That's in man, that's definitely
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: And I still just watched son in law like that
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: is the Mummy?
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 3: Right all right?
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: So anyway, yes, that Pet or that Dempsey. All in all,
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: I've had it pretty easy as far as cancer goes.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: It feels like lucky.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, lucky.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: It feels like stolen valor in parentheses. Foreshadowing is a
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: literary device. This has dragged up some old emotional skeletons
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: from my sad boy suicide era. Now I know what
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: kind of podcast this is. By writing in, I'm inviting
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: y'all to make jokes and riff off of whatever comes
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: to mind. I just want to preface all that with this.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: What I'm about to tell you is my deepest shame.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: It is only through years of extra strength cope that
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: this shame doesn't keep me awake at night. Before the
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: cancer diagnosis, I planned to die with this information. Not
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: even my wife knew this before February. Jokes are welcome,
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: but do so knowing that I'm cringing with embarrassment and
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: shame throughout thirteen years ago.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 4: Bil By the way, Jacobs, I'm fine.
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 3: Accepted your terms all acceptable?
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: So three out of the four people in this room
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: are nervous et I'm stretching.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 3: He's slimbering up over here on the side. He is
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 3: on decken.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: Years ago, I was deeply unwell in the month's long
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: spiral towards my suicide at tem I was pushing people away,
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: isolating myself, and drowning in a self inflicted lack of
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: human connection. At the apex of my isolation and desperation,
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: I lied and told people that I had testicular cancer.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: I figured that sympathy was better than nothing, okay wow,
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: and in my depression, this was the only thing I
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: could think of. I pushed people away, and then I
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: lied to them to get sympathy and guilt them into
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: pulling closer. It was a destructive cycle, one that once
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: started I couldn't stop. Of course, the truth came out
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: immediately after my suicide attempt, and all that sympathy turned sour.
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: Most of the friends I lied to are no longer
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: my friends, and that's deserved. I miss them all, but
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: I don't blame them for wanting nothing to do with me.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: After all that I did. My family and like two
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: friends did forgive me. We never talked about it, though
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: I was more than happy to never talk about it.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: That was something for me to work through in therapy.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: Everyone else did me the kindness of never bringing it
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: up for thirteen years.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 3: So this so.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 4: The the thing that wasn't going to be brought up again.
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 4: It's just so, it's not that no one knew about
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 4: this beforehand. So people knew that that this lot, that
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 4: this was a lie.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: Writer to write about it. It came out when writer
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: attempted suicide and they realized.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: Oh great cancer.
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 3: I was confused.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 4: I thought writer was saying that no one had known
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 4: that it was a lie until potentially now.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, they found out. They found they found
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: out years ago, and then he kept it to it and.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 4: That alienated him from from some of the people that
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 4: he had that he had told that lies.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: Everybody did find out that he had like, oh too,
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: but now, yeah, good good, I'm thank you. Good clarification
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: now here I am. I have testicular cancer. To quote
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: my little sister. I manifested the fuck out of that shit.
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: I don't buy into manifesting. I don't buy into he
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: has an entire soundboard, rob and this is usually my
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: problem today it might be yours to quote my little sister.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: I manifested the fuck out of that shit. I don't
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: I don't buy into manifesting, but I'll be damned if
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: I don't believe in karma just.
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 3: A little bit now.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: Wow, yikes, I've had to confront this long buried shame.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: I told my wife about it. I sent a copy
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: of my medical documents to my family to prove I
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: was not lying.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: Again.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 1: It's been uncomfortable. I don't miss who I was back then,
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: especially as my bullshit circles back to bite me in
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: the ass for the first time in ten years. I'm
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: going back to therapy. I need to work through the shame.
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 1: I also am dealing with some disgust about my body
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: since the surgery. It was pretty severe at first and
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: has improved as the Bruce genitals slowly returned to their
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: normal color, but it still lingers. I think I need
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: to address that before it becomes something more so. Do
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: you have any advice about what to look for in
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: a therapist. Would you, as lssw's or family therapist, feel
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: equipped if someone came to you with this, or should
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: I look for a cancer focus therapist specifically? What about modalities, cognitive,
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 1: behavioral therapy has always been my tool of choice, but
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 1: I'm open to something novel. I welcome your advice and expertise. Finally,
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 1: to anyone listening who thinks less of me, now, yeah,
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 1: me too, I get it. I promise I'm not lying
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: this time. Photographic evidence will be provided upon request to
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 1: anyone at the therapy partner life. Sign up today at
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: patreon dot com slash therapy for as little as one
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 1: hundred dollars a month to see narsty pictures of my
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: surgical scars and half full sack. But please don't. I've
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 1: had to show to too many new people. I am
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: too sexually.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 3: Repressed for this.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: Going ball to the wall. Robert Brownie Junior Mint p s.
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 1: Thank you to everyone in the discord. Your well wishes,
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: jokes and shared experiences have been invaluable to me. You
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: guys didn't sign up for it, but you're a great
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: addition to my support team.
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 4: It almost makes it worth not having that ball anymore.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I love the supports. Guys are great. Missed the
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 3: ball a little bit more.
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 7: I'd give up a testicle for friends.
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, all of them, Jim.
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 3: The deal.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: So we're doing like a rum stilsk thing, are right, Jim,
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: get legal ownership of one of Nick's testicles. Oh that
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: is a long Get comfortable. He had it put in glass.
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: It's a key chain.
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 3: He carries it around.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 7: Now we swapped. It's the modern day blood Brothers, cold brothers.
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: He carries a piece of me with him everywhere he goes.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, can I just say.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 3: Cat it the call? Oh? There it is.
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 5: That is super brave of you to share this.
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, shitty wrap around.
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: Carmitic God, what are.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 2: The fucking ons?
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like that is ship.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 4: I mean yeah, sorry, I'm sorry, but that is karmically
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 4: just a slap of the I mean, wow, I don't I.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: Don't know what I was thinking about kicking the balls,
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: But go on, and why does it happen to you?
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 7: Because I've been telling people for thirty years I'm a millionaire. Yeah,
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 7: in the direction for karma to get me.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 3: Come at me, karma.
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: So I do want to preface just as a really
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: quick hot take, because I know this was a heavy
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: letter to write, and it was very serious. I strongly
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 1: considered not putting it into the lineup at all because
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: part of me thought, but you're going through so much
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 1: right now? Is this really the time you know that
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 1: you need to like be cathartically getting all this out, Like,
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 1: you don't owe this story to anybody. But I think
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 1: whenever he has gone through this, he's accessing just a
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: whole nother understanding of.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 3: Why this was so bad to do.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I do want to just lead off the
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 1: order with saying we love you anyway. Yeah, there's nobody
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 1: that is looking at you and thinking, you know that
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: that you are who you were all those years ago.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: And in a moment we're going to get into why
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: people lie about this kind of thing because we actually
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: see this es. Yeah, we see this a lot.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 3: In mental health.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 4: Well, if it makes you feel better, I didn't particularly
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 4: care for you before, Yeah, and my feelings have not changed.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 3: Okay, there you go.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, unchanged.
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 3: Honestly, that's a win.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: You know, with Jacob, it's like golf, you know, for
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: the lowest score you can handle.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 4: It's fine called love for a reason. Buddy, Come on there, Oh,
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 4: I love you, Bride Junior, mean you know this?
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah? I I uh so.
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 7: I I I don't intentionally, I intentionally don't read the
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 7: letters before putting him into the script because I I
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 7: want kind of a reaction and want a raw reaction,
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 7: and I was getting really nervous the way that you
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 7: frame this up. And I don't know how anybody else felt,
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 7: but I kind of felt a sense of relief when
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 7: you're just when you said, like what the issue was
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 7: was like, oh, I had told people I had to
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 7: stick their cancer and I really didn't I lie to
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 7: them about it. Yeah, And my immediate reaction to that
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 7: was like, oh, all right, well.
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah we can, we can do this this yeah yeah, yeah.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 4: But it's important to say like, oh shit, man, this
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 4: is a surmountable problem, right yeah, oh right, which is
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 4: I think we could talk about this right, sizing it right, Yeah,
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 4: that's right, sizing it because to him it is devastating.
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: It's a shame, and a lot of us feel that
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: way about our greatest shame. And then you present it
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 1: to friends and they go, hey, I love you, it's okay,
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: like that, I know that scary. We could talk about that,
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: but they also don't want you to make this mount everest.
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and also it shitty.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree with everything you said about it, but.
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 3: Right side, I.
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 7: Think it's also important too to while also doing that
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 7: being able to validate his perspective.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 3: You're about it, Yeah, you're you feel terrible about that.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 7: I totally understand from my perspective looking at this, I'm like,
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 7: kind of like what we've always said on this podcast
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 7: when we're talking about how other people treat us or
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 7: how other people act, you know, we always say, well,
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 7: hurting people, hurt people. Well, people who you know are
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 7: dealing with suicidal ideation. It's the same thing, Like you're like,
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 7: this is what a struggling brain is going to come
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 7: up with broken people.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there you go. That's a good a good way
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 3: to say that.
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 7: And so I think, you know, to hold yourself now
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 7: accountable at the same level as you would at that time.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 7: It's kind of like me, you know, as a grown adult,
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 7: holding my eight year old self right accountable for something
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 7: I did at eight.
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: Years old mentally ill version of you. Yeah, does not
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: get to be the standard bearer.
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 3: For who you are as a person exactly.
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 4: But it's it's what we talk and when we say
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 4: get over it, like the whole like, just get over it.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 4: And you know, it's a shitty thing to tell people
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 4: when they are when they're dealing with something. It's it's
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 4: not something that people can just do. But I mean,
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 4: that's that is kind of what we're talking about. It
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 4: is accepting something. It's accepting something in your past. It's
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 4: learning something. It's learning something from from this event in
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 4: your past. And it is not getting over it, but
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 4: just getting on with life. It is I have learned
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 4: from this. I alienated friends, I lost friends. I took
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 4: these actions. These were the us. These were the results
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 4: of these actions. It's how we get better.
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: I say that to people with cancer all the time.
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just get over man, rub some
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 4: dirt on it.
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: Also, yeah, I'm not running five K. I'm not gonna
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 1: do it. I'll write a check. I'm aware enough. Yeah yeah,
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 1: I promise you. We've heard of it. Okay, we've all
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 1: heard of it. But here's money.
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 3: And Susan G.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 4: Coleman stands for shut your goddamn mouth. We get it,
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 4: we heard you, we get it. We all are against
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 4: the problem. I'm just we agree.
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, shut up me. Running five K does fucking nothing. Okay,
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 1: just pointing that out anyway, Whitney, you.
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 2: Were saying, thanks up, well, Susan.
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 3: Half of the show is her just disavowing whatever we
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 3: just said, Like, so, Susan B. Coleman, I'm just a fan.
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 3: I support your work, Pa run into the show.
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 1: I'm not part of this chip is Susan B Or
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 1: Susan guesnan't be Anthony.
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 3: I think is one would be Anthony Coleman.
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 4: I think the g Okay joke.
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 5: No, that the direction I was going to go reading
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 5: through that was how many clients I've had with depression
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 5: come in and.
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 2: Discuss how it's.
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 5: Hard for them to feel like they're and it will
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 5: be severe like suicidal thoughts. We're going to like potential
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 5: intent in some of these situations, but they will still
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 5: come in and say, you know, well, it just doesn't
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 5: feel the same as like a physical ailment, even though
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 5: they are they are tormented by this, they're.
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 2: Suffering from this.
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 5: And so I hear and the irony that it was
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 5: testicular cancer and here you are.
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 2: I am sorry that that is wild.
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 5: But the perspective kind of what Nick was saying, where
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 5: that was coming from, makes total sense to me, because
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 5: I think, and maybe especially as men, boys like there
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 5: needs to feel like there's a reason I'm up. So
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 5: there's a reason I'm to the point where I want
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 5: to end my life, and if I were gonna die,
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 5: cancer makes sense. I'll just I'm gonna Yeah, I feel
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 5: like I want to die and it's gonna be from cancer.
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 5: Like our brain is kind of fucked up in that
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 5: sense when we're there, but it it made total sense.
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: To add another plank to your point about masculinity as well,
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 1: Like I think a lot of times we don't know
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: how to ask for love and support or to let
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 1: people know that we need that, and especially with depression,
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: right because there's a lot of shame and guilt around depression.
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: There's not as much shame or guilt around cancer, and
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: both have taken a lot of lives. And like you
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 1: were just saying, like, depression is also a very lethal disease,
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 1: but this is not one that people buy and large
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: know about. That's also why we have a fucking podcasts
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 1: to like raise awareness about the danger of these other things.
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: So I think your point is really important. Like he
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 1: wasn't in a sense doing it nobly, but there's an
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: understanding that you're kind of forming a bridge there to say, hey, subconscious,
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: I kind of get where you're going with that, because
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 1: telling everybody I'm suicidally depressed.
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 3: It's like, okay, well we don't just don't be happy.
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 1: People don't know what to do, and it's like, I'm
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 1: pushing you away, but I really need you to break
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 1: through me pushing you away and love me through that.
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 1: And it's like, well, if I say I'm pushing you
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: away and I've got cancer, people know what to do
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 1: with me. And ironically that's the same medicine and I
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: kind of need when I'm depressed. So I'm really seeking
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 1: that medicine this unfortunate way.
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 7: I mean, in a lot of ways, it kind of worked.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 7: We've all kind of worked with kids.
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like again, kids nineteen nineteen is not on the files.
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 3: Wasn't making that joke? Okay, great, I just want to
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 3: make the point, Yes, any doubt.
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 4: I also wasn't a client, Yeah, definitely not.
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 3: Nobody said the only chocolate from a client, big black boxes.
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 3: We've all worked with kids.
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 7: It kind of reminds me of like kids don't have
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 7: the verbal IQ to be able to express how they feel,
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 7: and so like when you're working with kids and you
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 7: see all of a sudden, like everything's going really well,
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 7: and then all of a sudden, the kid just starts
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 7: acting like a demon. Then you have to like, you
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 7: can't just like, oh, well, then I'm going to beat
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 7: you rather than I'm going to punish you. You kind
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 7: of have to be like, Okay, what is this kid
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 7: trying to ask for? What are they trying to communicate? Yes,
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 7: because I need to figure out what that is, because
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 7: that's the problem. So this kind of reminds me in
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 7: that sense, that's a.
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 4: Perfect metaphor, that's perfect out of that remaining testicle.
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 3: There you go.
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 1: So the answer, I think that we're all, you know,
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 1: just coming alongside you here to point out that it's
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 1: clear that you were acting out in a way that
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: was correspondent with your mental illness at the time. It
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 1: manifested in multiple ways. You shouldn't be holding yourself to
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 1: a standard at that era and that that time of
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 1: your life. That's that would be very wrong. And also
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: while there were consequences to your actions, as there often are.
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: By the way, like a lot of men, one of
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: the characteristics that we see in male depression is anger
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: like and this is one of the number one things
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: we see in men who are who are depressed is
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: they get really angry and they start destroying their relationships,
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: doing self destructive and socially destructive things. And it's easy
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: to be like, what a douche, you know, like, oh
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: you'r fuck you? Like in your right, it's like that
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 1: is a symptom of depression. Right, It's an antisocial behavior,
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 1: and so like we don't necessarily have to agree with it.
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 1: There can still be consequences for that behavior. But it's
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 1: like you said, Nick, I want to reach beyond it
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 1: into a curiosity position and try to help. So I
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 1: think that we're all trying to validate that. I do
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 1: want to take a beat to talk about the real
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 1: mental diagnosis that we have in healthcare called factitious disorder.
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 1: And so a lot of you have heard about it.
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 1: More is like munchausen I believe syndrome, Oh okay, And
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 1: so this is where people pretend to be ill and
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: they will fake the symptoms.
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 3: What is the difference between this?
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 4: Talk about the difference between this and what's the like
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 4: hypochondria is that the is that the one where they
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 4: think they're where somebody they.
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 3: Are are always real? Question?
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So hypochondria, which is technically called hypochondrisis, is the
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: illness where you believe that you are sick, you do
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 1: not want to be you are anxious. Oh, it's a
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 1: high anxiety disorder where you fear that you are sick,
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: but you probably not. So the difference between the two
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 1: is knowledge. I'm knowledge, let me factious disorder. So fectitious disorder,
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 1: on the other hand, is you know you're not sick, gotcha,
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: but you are role playing as if you are. Yeah,
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 1: and so I mean sickness cosplay that you're doing because
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 1: of the social benefits, the affection that that it may
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 1: relieve you of certain responsibilities.
• 1:24:28
  Speaker 3: This is different, Yeah, exactly.
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 1: This is different than the There's another diagnosis we have
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: called malingering. Malingering is I am lying. I know I
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 1: am lying, and I'm not doing it because I'm pathologically
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 1: needing the support and the emotional It's it's because I'm
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: trying to game the system. So I'm lingering so i
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 1: can get frontline in Disney.
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 3: I'm a lingering.
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 1: I'm lying so I can get disability benefits. If we
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 1: see that, we'll write down malingering, which means I don't
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 1: think this person is telling the truth about what's going on.
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 1: I think that they are pretending for a benefit. That
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 1: is tangible, whereas factitious disorder is not. That factitious disorder
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 1: is the person is emotionally and mentally unstable, and they
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 1: are role playing in this way so they can elicit
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: a positive and nurturing response from others. They don't know
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: how else to access that, and so they pretend to
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 1: be ill, and they'll even like, uh, they'll they'll mess
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 1: with lab results, they'll make themselves intentionally ill, they'll inject
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 1: themselves with germs or create opportunities to be sick.
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 3: I mean, is this a communication? Is this a failure
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 3: of communication.
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 8: On the on the patient's fault, on the patient's end
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 8: in this in this scenario, not the writers in.
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 1: The sense that they don't know how to ask maybe
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: for love.
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think that's probably.
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 1: Part of it. But like, the reason we see it
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 1: as the disorder is because it's this pathological way of
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 1: seeking out this community response and then nurturing. And we
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 1: also have another version of it of Munchausen, which is
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 1: like the parent maybe tries to keep the child sick
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 1: because they like the connection that they are proxy. Yeah,
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 1: Munchoza by proxy, which we also have factitious disorder by
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 1: proxy as well. So like both of those are examples,
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 1: and the reason I bring them.
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 4: Out to the base is great movie, by the way, Proxy, Yes,
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 4: very good, Oscar Winning.
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 1: But the reason I bring it up is because you know, Rob,
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 1: you can you can say this and look at this
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 1: and say, this is one of the greatest shames I've
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 1: ever carried to me. On one hand, I look at
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 1: it and say, it's a manifestation of your depression. On
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 1: another hand, I look at it and say, buddy, you
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 1: just had two diagnoses, not one. You probably had major
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: depressive disorder and factitious disorder. And anybody who evaluated you
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 1: at that time, if you had, if you had confided
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 1: in a therapist and told them, I've been lying to
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: everybody about having testicular cancer so that I can receive
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 1: love and support through some kind of mental illness, they
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 1: diagnosed factitious disorder. They wrote down two, and so I
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: just want to point that out because a lot of
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 1: people can feel tremendous shame about the things they do
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 1: when they are mentally ill, but some of that is
• 1:26:57
  Speaker 1: literally the symptom criteria for them mental illness. You are
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: just describing factitious disorder, and you're feeling an incredible amount
• 1:27:05
  Speaker 1: of shame for it. You're allowed to regret what happened,
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 1: but I really need you to not moralify that because
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 1: for us, you are just describing medical criteria.
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 7: That's that is interesting too when you talk about like
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 7: mental health is because that's one of the like if
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 7: if I had I b S, I don't I'm not
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 7: a computer with myself about experiencing the symptoms of right, right,
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 7: but like.
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 5: Ice cream, yeah, thank you, that's how I feel.
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 7: Bad example, But like in mental health, that's often the
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 7: issue mental and behavioral health is like the experience of
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 7: the symptoms, right. Other people will look at them and
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 7: be like, well, you shouldn't do that or something wrong,
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 7: or you know, the person feels shame and guilt because
• 1:28:03
  Speaker 7: they experience the symptoms. It's the same way they always
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 7: think of this too when I work in you know,
• 1:28:08
  Speaker 7: substance use, and I see you know a client is
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 7: kicked out of group or treatment because of their using,
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 7: and it's like, well, the inability to control the use
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 7: is the symptom of the disorder.
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 1: Tell we got that diagnosis, remember we got that with
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 1: this that we don't have a blood test for addiction.
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 1: It's just a list of behaviors that we go, Yep,
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 1: that's a disease. It looks like what other condition would
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: the physician stop treatment because the person is experiencing the
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 1: symptoms of the treated It doesn't make any sense. But
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 1: like for mental health or behavioral health, that happens all
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 1: the time, where people feel guilty for for acting and
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 1: behavioring a way that fits with what the diagnosis is. Yeah,
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 1: so I mean the good news here, rob is I mean,
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 1: first off, buddy, we're just really relieved to hear that
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 1: your prognosis is good. You've been so transparent with this process,
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 1: and you've always been such a huge advocate for mental health,
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 1: and in both of these scenarios, now sharing about factitious
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 1: disorder not knowing that that's what you were sharing about,
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 1: and also your previous shares about major president disorder. I
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 1: think that we all just universally admire you for making
• 1:29:29
  Speaker 1: yourself the object of study that allows other people to
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 1: get so much information about themselves. And we've had people
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 1: write that in where they've literally referenced, you know, Robert
• 1:29:37
  Speaker 1: Brownie Junior Mint questions or episodes saying hey, I listened
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 1: to this guy's story. I learned something about myself. It
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 1: gave me courage to do the right thing or to
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 1: get help. And so if there's anybody out there, I'm
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 1: going to speak on behalf of what I know. Rob really,
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 1: you know, writes these questions for the purpose of if
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 1: you're out there and you have been sitting on tremendous
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 1: shame and living with the sense of guilt and self
• 1:29:58
  Speaker 1: hatred over something, really we want you to get into
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 1: therapy and talk about this stuff. And this, you know,
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 1: come brings us full circle into Rob's other question, which is,
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 1: like what to look for in therapy. You know, when
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: you're dealing with the shame, you're dealing with body dysmorphia,
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: you're dealing with cancer recovery. There are therapists that do
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 1: specialize in in medical recovery and in medical therapy. There
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 1: are therapists that have worked a lot with grieving groups
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 1: and like cancer, you know support, I do think there
• 1:30:25
  Speaker 1: is a lot of value in working with that you know, specialist.
• 1:30:28
  Speaker 1: If you find somebody in there working with people with
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 1: body dysmorphia experience, I do think goes a long way too.
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 1: I think we're talking about some really core things.
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 3: When you said earlier, like I've.
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 7: Kind of add though I don't think you need to
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 7: hold out for somebody that specially Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 7: you know, like I think this is right in the
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 7: wheelhouse of Boast lcsw's therapist CPCs. Yes, anybody could probably
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 7: deal with this.
• 1:30:51
  Speaker 3: I agree. If you have somebody, great.
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I find somebody that specializes an awesome but don't
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 7: hold out.
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm glad you correct.
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 1: That's exactly what I think this point of CBT based
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 1: on what I'm hearing, I actually think trauma work is
• 1:31:06
  Speaker 1: going to go a long way in this one, especially
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 1: because of the shame. So like I would really be
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 1: interested in trauma reprocessing therapy and any trauma technique I'm
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 1: a fan of. But yeah, I would really want to
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 1: be more trauma focused. I think that would go a
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 1: long way.
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree.
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 5: There's a lot a little layers to this that you've shared,
• 1:31:23
  Speaker 5: and it might be worth poking around in some of
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 5: these Yeah, it isn't.
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 1: And you're very self aware about your cognitive distortions, you know,
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 1: and you've already got that training.
• 1:31:31
  Speaker 2: That's gonna help.
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: Honestly, almost every therapist speaks cognitive distortions, like you know,
• 1:31:36
  Speaker 1: we'll definitely be tuned into for that but approaching a
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 1: new counselor and saying, look, I really think I want
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 1: to do some trauma work. Like I'm going through body dysmorphia,
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 1: I'm going through recovery from this. Tremendous amounts of my
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 1: past are coming back to me. I'm carrying all this
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 1: guilt and shame. Yeah, I really want you to get
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 1: into those emotions and do some excavation and kind of
• 1:31:55
  Speaker 1: some healing on those things, and honestly just pairing up
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 1: with a counselor as your name excavation, it's restoration, Okay, Yeah,
• 1:32:02
  Speaker 1: palaeontology is what I was thinking about. It's a it's anyway.
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 3: I am rooting for you, buddy. We all still love you.
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 1: We appreciate Yeah, I know, so brief and just being transparent,
• 1:32:13
  Speaker 1: but yeah, at worst, I think you just described a
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 1: second mental illness you didn't know you had.
• 1:32:18
  Speaker 7: Three out of the four people in this room have
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 7: a tremendous amount of respect for you.
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 3: Whitney's also here. Yeah, she hates.
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 4: The four.
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 1: Surprised we couldn't get it all right, there is awesome.
• 1:32:36
  Speaker 1: We're gonna take quick break and when we come back,
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 1: we are wrapping up the show. You are listening to
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 1: pod therapy.
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 7: Today's episode is brought to you by Judy Schneider, Leon Kas,
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• 1:32:51
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• 1:32:58
  Speaker 1: All right, fam, So we are a little litle bit
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 1: over time, So I'm gonna punt on reading all the
• 1:33:02
  Speaker 1: names that we do every month. Sin's already a week
• 1:33:04
  Speaker 1: late anyway, Who gives a fuck. We'll punt to that
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 1: next week, and you still have time to get your
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 1: name on the list.
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 3: How about that. Hey, we're doing for you. You're welcome
• 1:33:13
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• 1:33:16
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• 1:33:18
  Speaker 3: They're disavowing as we speak. That's true.
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 4: The other people of the world are disallowing the Americans
• 1:33:23
  Speaker 4: as we speak to.
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 1: Day earlier, as we does enjoy our live chat, very
• 1:33:26
  Speaker 1: supportive discord community and our sporadic deep dives, interview skill shares,
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 1: research roundups and rants, and as I speak, this week,
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 1: I've released a deep rant slash storytelling of a tale
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 1: I've been teasing on the discord, which is the interview
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 1: process that I've been going through to enter higher education
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 1: in a full time basis, all right, which I've been
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 1: sleeping on here in the public show. I've not revealed
• 1:33:51
  Speaker 1: it because I wanted to get through the interviews and
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 1: I have. And so if you'd like to hear what
• 1:33:55
  Speaker 1: went down, it was exciting and eventful. Patroon dot com
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 1: slash we have to Yeah, that's right, just told it
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 1: in the story. Now I gotta listen to the whole story. No, no,
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing that whole ass story. Just ask Whitney. Whitney,
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 1: can you listen to it now? She's trying to catch
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 1: up on she list of three X speed and just
• 1:34:12
  Speaker 1: skips to the end because.
• 1:34:15
  Speaker 3: She knows that. It's like any way, you have, idiot,
• 1:34:18
  Speaker 3: if you skip to this part, you have you caught me.
• 1:34:22
  Speaker 3: I lost.
• 1:34:24
  Speaker 2: I'm losing this game.
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 1: It is a test anyway, patroon dot com slash Therapy.
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 1: But we've got some new friends to welcome to the
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: therap party. Who's new to the family there, Nick.
• 1:34:33
  Speaker 7: We don't great. That was that was my mistake that
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 7: was left over from the last script.
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 3: All right, listening on the public feed, Fuck you, it's possible.
• 1:34:44
  Speaker 1: We have some new ones that haven't shown up yet
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 1: except you.
• 1:34:48
  Speaker 3: You're cool, You're cool, all the rest of you.
• 1:34:53
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• 1:34:56
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• 1:34:59
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• 1:35:03
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• 1:35:05
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• 1:35:08
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• 1:35:12
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• 1:35:16
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• 1:35:27
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• 1:35:36
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• 1:35:43
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• 1:35:47
  Speaker 3: Do you want to summon a question with the show.
• 1:35:48
  Speaker 7: You can ask anonymously at pod therapy dot not, email
• 1:35:51
  Speaker 7: us at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com, or
• 1:35:53
  Speaker 7: click the link in the episode description to be taken
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 7: to our anonymous Google for him, I'm.
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 3: Nick Yep, you are way off on the script.
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 1: We would like to hear this episode uncut and unedited,
• 1:36:02
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• 1:36:06
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• 1:36:10
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• 1:36:13
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• 1:36:15
  Speaker 1: that's all the time we got for this week's session.
• 1:36:17
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• 1:36:20
  Speaker 3: No, it's just Jacob's house. And thanks to those of
• 1:36:21
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• 1:36:22
  Speaker 1: To our show today. We really appreciate it. Remember, pot
• 1:36:25
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• 1:36:27
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• 1:36:29
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• 1:36:34
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• 1:36:36
  Speaker 1: Go ahead, Nick, if you'd like to hear this episode,
• 1:36:39
  Speaker 1: I'm cutting and unedited, why would, and our spontaneous slash
• 1:36:43
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• 1:36:45
  Speaker 3: And don't give her supporting. I'm Jim Bye bye bye.
• 1:36:52
  Speaker 5: Bye next week.
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 3: Oh yes, thank you for everybody who pays for this.
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 3: I wasn't listening the ship show.
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 2: It isn't a ship show.
• 1:37:03
  Speaker 3: Goodbye everybody,