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National Divorce Month Sounds Festive Until It Isn’t · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is there a major life transition pinching you?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I know you may be asking, what's next?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's my purpose?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: What if?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've asked those two.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Start Your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Tony Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Happy New Year! Can you believe we are already a week into 2026?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: My goodness, I feel like time just rushes on.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: You made it through the holidays, but just barely.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: You endured the unspoken tension surrounding the facade of what is really happening behind the presence, the family gatherings, and Uncle John's poor comedic timing.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: You have had little time to grieve.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, you've had no time to grieve.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And now that it's January, you are ready to put into motion the one thing you said you would never do.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: File for divorce.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: You see, January has a reputation.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Gym memberships spike, diets begin, vision boards get dusted off, and quietly, sometimes painfully, January is also known as National Divorce Month.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Lawyers see it every year, counselors brace for it, and households across the country feel it.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: If you're listening to this and thinking, man, that's me, or that might be me, or I filed last week and now don't know what comes next, take a breath.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're not late, and you're certainly not broken, but you do need a plan.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: January is when people stop surviving the holidays and start telling the truth.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: The decorations come down, the distractions fade, and reality walks back into the room.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And for many, that reality is this.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I can't keep living like this.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about what happens after you realize that, or after you've already filed.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, really, slow it down.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because what happens is January creates urgency.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: A new year, a new life, clean slate.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: But divorce is not a race, and quick decisions made in emotional overload tend to cost the most financially, emotionally, and certainly relationally.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: So before you make sweeping decisions, slow down your pace.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: You can move forward without blowing everything up at once.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to solve the next 10 years.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: You certainly don't need to explain everything to everyone, and you don't have to have all the answers.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: You need clarity, not speed.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing I want you to do is I want you to get the right support.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking about advice, I'm talking about support because there's a difference between support and noise, which to me is advice.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Support looks like this: a counselor who understands divorce and trauma, a divorce care or recovery group, or a trusted neutral professional who won't take sides but will tell you the truth.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then noise or support looks like friends projecting their own divorces onto yours or all the social media opinions.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then the well-meaning family members who just want you to be happy, don't we all?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: January brings a ton of opinions, but what I'm asking you to choose support instead.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Number three is I want you to protect the kids.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean I want you to protect the kids relentlessly.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the hard truth.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Your kids don't need you to be strong.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're gonna see it and they're gonna be aware of it without you ever having to say, hey, I'm trying to be strong here.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: They don't need that.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: They need you to be a safe place so that they feel safe.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And what that means is this is you're not using them as an emotional sounding board.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're not asking them to choose sides, and you're not assuming they're fine because they're quiet.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: I promise you, you need to read between the lines if they tell you they're fine.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: You see, divorce destabilizes a child's sense of security, even if it's a peaceful separation or divorce.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Give them a place to talk that isn't you.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Counseling isn't a failure.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, it's protection, and I guarantee you it will work in the long run.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Do whatever it takes here.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is not optional.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is a non-negotiable.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Number four, I want you to separate your feelings from facts because January is emotionally loud, right?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Regret, anger, relief, grief, all of it shows up at once.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Your feelings matter, but they are terrible decision makers.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Let me say that again.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Your feelings are terrible decision makers.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what I want you to do.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to start separating what you feel from what is true, what hurts from what helps, and what you want right now from what you'll need long term.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is especially important when it comes to your finances, the custody schedule, where you're gonna live, and any legal decisions that you need to face moving forward.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because emotional decisions tend to linger longer than the emotional season.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: The fifth thing I want you to do is to get clear on those non-negotiables because divorce strips things down.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself this what do I absolutely need to function?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Make a list.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: What am I no longer willing to tolerate?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: List of behaviors, and what boundaries must exist for me to heal.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to go on record as saying setting boundaries is one of the hardest things you'll do, but I promise you uh you will reap the benefits of those if you stand firm on those.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because what they're not revenge, they're just survival steps, because we're not trying to rebuild your whole life in the month of January.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's gonna take time, but it is the month to decide what matters enough to protect.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: The sixth thing I want you to do is I want you to stop isolating because in reality, divorce makes people retreat.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: They think, I'm just gonna go home with my kids and I'm gonna lock the doors and we're just gonna be fine together as a family.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because January's cold, quiet, and post-holiday vibe doesn't help at all.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens is isolation starts to feel safe, but that is deceptive because healing happens in connection, healthy, intentional connection.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean oversharing, it means choosing a few safe people and staying visible.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: And when somebody comes up to you and says, hey, what's going on?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: You do not have to give them the whole story.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: You have permission to give them two sentences, which I call your elevator speech, which somebody told me 12 years ago to develop one, and I'm telling you right now it works.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: They don't need to know the itty bitty, grungy details of it all.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: It just means that there are a few people that do know so that they can help hold you accountable.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need a big crowd of people, you just need a circle of people who will keep you sane.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: The seventh thing I want you to do is that you need to accept that this is going to take some time.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a new year, new me situation.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's more like new year learning to breathe again year.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: There will be some progress and there will be setbacks.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: There will be lots of moments of clarity and there will be lots of moments of doubt and confusion.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: There will be days when you wake up and you feel strong and you can face anything, and then there will be days you feel completely undone and unable to get off the couch.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And all of that is normal.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: But what matters is that you keep moving slowly, intentionally, and honestly.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, the eighth thing that I want you to focus on is what is the next right thing for you to do.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Not the big picture, just what do you need to do tomorrow?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because if January feels overwhelming, that's because you're trying to see too far ahead.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: So let's break that down.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, ask what's the next right step today or tomorrow or for the week?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: What appointments do I need to make?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: What conversation do I need to have that needs support?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: And what do I need today to stay grounded?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you want to journal, read the Bible, go to Bible study, maybe you want to listen to music, maybe, maybe you want to go to therapy.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because you see, divorce isn't navigated in leaps and bounds, it's just navigated in one small step at a time.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: So if January has put divorce on your radar, whether you asked for it or not, or it got shoved in front and center of your life, I just need you to know you're not alone.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: This month doesn't define your future, it just is that point on a map where you go, oh, this is where I need to turn around because this is your turning point.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And we're not rushing, we're not having to have it all figured out today.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: All you need to do is have the next right step to take.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's enough for now.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's all you need.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: So next week we'll talk about how to stabilize yourself emotionally and practically in the early months after filing for divorce or in the middle of.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because, see, you're not at the end of your life, you're just at that turning point we just talked about.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: You're at the beginning of learning how to stand again and to take that step.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so glad to be here to walk this with you.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next time.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Until next week, remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.