Latest / INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living / Looking-Back-on-Things-That-Matter

Transcript

Looking-Back-on-Things-That-Matter · INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living

0:01
Speaker 1: To say that we're living in strange times is to
0:04
Speaker 1: put it mildly. Most of us have lived long enough
0:08
Speaker 1: to have a bit of history as we look back
0:10
Speaker 1: over our times, and we would have to say that
0:14
Speaker 1: what we are now experiencing across our country and beyond
0:19
Speaker 1: this even around the world, is just well, it's difficult
0:25
Speaker 1: at least, and it's in many ways tragic that it's worse.
0:31
Speaker 1: We're living in an economic downturn. The auto industry that
0:36
Speaker 1: we thought was solid and sure is now upside down.
0:41
Speaker 1: Foreclosures have reached epidemic proportions. I was listening the other
0:47
Speaker 1: evening to news, the Evening News, and it showed a
0:51
Speaker 1: whole residential section that's called a foreclosure residence area. They've
0:58
Speaker 1: even renamed it for Closure. The international unrest is known
1:04
Speaker 1: to all of us, even as we're here enjoying the week.
1:08
Speaker 1: There is trouble in Iran, there's continued warfare in Afghanistan.
1:14
Speaker 1: There's the threat that comes with North Korea and where
1:18
Speaker 1: they are going and what they are planning. We may
1:22
Speaker 1: have made technological advancements over these decades of time, but
1:28
Speaker 1: we've reached an all time low in personal morality and
1:33
Speaker 1: professional integrity. While I was with the Pentagon Group this
1:40
Speaker 1: past spring, one of the former three star generals walked
1:45
Speaker 1: up to me and gave me a little yellow slip,
1:48
Speaker 1: little post it which had the words of one of
1:51
Speaker 1: his heroes, Omar Bradley, who was a four star in
1:56
Speaker 1: World War Two. Bradley wrote and had taught him these words.
2:01
Speaker 1: At the end of the twentieth century, we will be
2:04
Speaker 1: a nation of technological giants and moral midgets. Bradley, though dead,
2:13
Speaker 1: still speaks almost like a prophet.
2:18
Speaker 2: Let me give you a little quick quiz. As I
2:21
Speaker 2: give you these statistics, I want.
2:23
Speaker 1: You to answer in your mind does this represent the
2:26
Speaker 1: NBA or the NFL. As we think about the athletes
2:32
Speaker 1: and what they're paid, and the obscene world of luxury
2:37
Speaker 1: that they represent, you tell me in your mind whether
2:41
Speaker 1: it represents the NBA or NFL. Thirty six have been
2:44
Speaker 1: accused of spousal abuse, seven have been arrested for fraud,
2:50
Speaker 1: nineteen have been accused of writing bad checks. One hundred
2:54
Speaker 1: and seventeen have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least two businesses.
3:00
Speaker 1: Three have done time for assault, Seventy one repeat seventy
3:05
Speaker 1: one cannot get a credit card due to bad debt.
3:09
Speaker 1: Fourteen have been arrested on drug related charges, eight have
3:14
Speaker 1: been arrested for shoplifting, twenty one currently are defendants in lawsuits,
3:19
Speaker 1: and eighty four have been arrested for drunk driving in
3:24
Speaker 1: the last year. Can you guess which NFL or NBA,
3:30
Speaker 1: neither the United States Congress represented in these statistics. Right here,
3:37
Speaker 1: the times in which we live are beyond difficult.
3:41
Speaker 2: They have reached tragic proportions.
3:45
Speaker 1: Now little will be gained by my standing here and
3:49
Speaker 1: lamenting all of this for the entire time we're together today,
3:53
Speaker 1: but it does provide a black backdrop for the reality
3:57
Speaker 1: that all of these things cannot help but impact the family.
4:03
Speaker 1: They impact your life and your family, and they impact
4:07
Speaker 1: my life and my family. In the cultural malaise of
4:12
Speaker 1: our times, it is almost impossible to find a body
4:17
Speaker 1: of people who still think straight, who still worry little
4:23
Speaker 1: about speaking in a way that is well acceptable in
4:29
Speaker 1: the eyes of the culture, and rather than speaking exactly
4:34
Speaker 1: on the basis of what they believe to be right
4:37
Speaker 1: or wrong. All of this brings me to the question
4:42
Speaker 1: that we have to answer from time to time, and
4:46
Speaker 1: it's a good time to answer it. As we begin
4:48
Speaker 1: our time together, and that is what is a family.
4:51
Speaker 1: If all of these situations impact family, what is a family?
4:55
Speaker 1: We have a little place in your notebook that you
4:57
Speaker 1: were given on this cruise to take notes, and you
5:01
Speaker 1: may want to do that. Write down a thought or
5:03
Speaker 1: two from time to time to take with you and
5:06
Speaker 1: to perhaps ponder or talk about over the dinner table.
5:11
Speaker 1: Years ago, Edith Schaeffer wrote a book that had that
5:14
Speaker 1: as its title, What is a family? She answers the
5:20
Speaker 1: question in the table of contents. Each chapter is another
5:24
Speaker 1: one of her answers to that question. Among them, she says,
5:29
Speaker 1: the family is a birthplace of creativity, the formation center
5:35
Speaker 1: for human relationships. Family is also a shelter in times
5:42
Speaker 1: of storm, a perpetual relay of truth. Family is an
5:50
Speaker 1: economic unit.
5:54
Speaker 2: I like this one.
5:54
Speaker 1: It is a door that has hinges and a lock.
6:00
Speaker 1: Especially meaningful to all of us. It is a museum
6:04
Speaker 1: of memory. Pause with that last one, and think about
6:11
Speaker 1: the family from which you came.
6:15
Speaker 2: I'll do that too. I came from a family that had.
6:21
Speaker 1: Begun in an unusual way when my mom and dad
6:24
Speaker 1: married in nineteen thirty. My dad had been married before
6:29
Speaker 1: that was back in the days when that was absolutely scandalous.
6:34
Speaker 2: It was whispered in homes.
6:38
Speaker 1: In the midst of the misery of his first marriage,
6:42
Speaker 1: my dad moved from Raton, New Mexico, down to a
6:46
Speaker 1: little town in South Texas to work no longer on
6:49
Speaker 1: the railroad. He worked for the Santa Fe Railroad for years,
6:53
Speaker 1: and he came and decided he would change careers and
6:55
Speaker 1: change his whole future as he began to sell insurance,
6:59
Speaker 1: and he sold in insurance for the law L. O.
7:02
Speaker 1: Lunde Insurance Company in the little town in South Texas
7:07
Speaker 1: of El Campo. L O. Lundy, Thanks L. O. Lundy
7:13
Speaker 1: was the justice of the peace in that little town
7:16
Speaker 1: and was that throughout my entire childhood for as long
7:19
Speaker 1: as I can remember. L. O. Lundy had four children,
7:23
Speaker 1: three girls and a younger boy. His youngest is my
7:28
Speaker 1: middle name, Roselle roz Ell, and his three daughters meant
7:36
Speaker 1: much to him and my grandmother, and he was most
7:40
Speaker 1: concerned when he hired Earl Swindall to sell insurance for him,
7:45
Speaker 1: that one of his daughters might meet this divorcee. And
7:50
Speaker 1: so he made it clear to my dad, you can
7:53
Speaker 1: sell insurance for me, but stay away from my daughters. Well,
7:57
Speaker 1: that was pretty clear to my dad, but my mother
8:00
Speaker 1: wasn't there to hear that speech, and in a period
8:04
Speaker 1: matter of time she cut to the chase. She fell
8:07
Speaker 1: in love with my father, and against the wishes of
8:11
Speaker 1: her dad, they began to go together and then ultimately
8:17
Speaker 1: they married later in the passing of time. My granddad
8:21
Speaker 1: was absolutely crazy about my father, and he had every
8:25
Speaker 1: reason to be. My mother became the adoration of my
8:30
Speaker 1: father's life, and it was almost to the point of
8:36
Speaker 1: idolatry at times. He adored level Lucille Lundy. While they
8:45
Speaker 1: were on their honeymoon at Oklahoma City, she got pregnant,
8:49
Speaker 1: and in ten months after marriage, they had my brother Orville.
8:56
Speaker 1: Thirteen months later they had my sister, Lucy. Twenty six
9:02
Speaker 1: months later they had me. Almost forgot they had me
9:07
Speaker 1: as the third in the family. My brother was clearly
9:13
Speaker 1: my mother's favorite, and my sister was obviously my dad's favorite.
9:18
Speaker 2: I was not planned.
9:20
Speaker 1: I was a mistake, and my mother used to say
9:24
Speaker 1: that she didn't mean anything wrong by it. She just
9:27
Speaker 1: was admitting that she wasn't ready for a third child.
9:31
Speaker 1: I remember her saying, Joseph. As we were growing up,
9:34
Speaker 1: I would be so glad when all three of you
9:37
Speaker 1: kids are twenty one years old and gone. My sister's
9:40
Speaker 1: response was, you won't be happier than I'll be when
9:43
Speaker 1: we're twenty one and gone. Now, I won't bore you
9:47
Speaker 1: with a lot of facts here, but our original home
9:51
Speaker 1: was not a home of perfection. It was filled with
9:54
Speaker 1: five sinners, all strong willed, and everything we did we
10:00
Speaker 1: did with passion, whether it was music or involvement in
10:05
Speaker 1: the community. I remember standing on red Helmershak pharmacy on
10:10
Speaker 1: the marble counter during World War Two and we would
10:13
Speaker 1: sing in harmony right in the fearer's face was one
10:18
Speaker 1: of the great songs of World War Two, my brother,
10:21
Speaker 1: my sister, and I and we would sing that for
10:24
Speaker 1: double dip ice cream cones. So we were singing all
10:27
Speaker 1: the way through our childhood. We were singing family, and
10:32
Speaker 1: I've loved music ever since. It was not a home
10:35
Speaker 1: where everything was perpetually peaceful. My sister and my mother
10:40
Speaker 1: had a real falling out, my brother had a major
10:43
Speaker 1: falling out with my mom and dad and I did
10:46
Speaker 1: not marry the girl of their choice fifty four years ago.
10:52
Speaker 1: And so just in case you think that at least
10:56
Speaker 1: somebody in this world has come from a setting of perfection.
10:59
Speaker 1: Please don't include me in that, and therefore that'll relieve
11:03
Speaker 1: you of the guilt.
11:04
Speaker 2: Because your home isn't want of perfection either.
11:07
Speaker 1: When you bring in the reality of depravity, and when
11:10
Speaker 1: you mix it in every life that's under the same roof,
11:13
Speaker 1: you're going to have trouble. When you mix it with
11:16
Speaker 1: the malaise of this kind of world in which we
11:19
Speaker 1: live and this kind of culture which we find ourselves,
11:25
Speaker 1: we realize that erosion happens.
11:31
Speaker 2: I'll say more.
11:31
Speaker 1: About our immediate home in a little bit of time,
11:34
Speaker 1: because I think some of you were interested, but others
11:37
Speaker 1: of you will know more about it than many of you,
11:39
Speaker 1: so I'll take time for that. But first of all,
11:41
Speaker 1: let me give you Webster's definition for a family. It's
11:45
Speaker 1: rather innocuous. The first word given is fellowship.
11:50
Speaker 2: Isn't that interesting? Fellowship? Webster adds it is a group of.
11:54
Speaker 1: Persons of common ancestry semicolon plan spelled with a C.
12:03
Speaker 1: It is a group of individuals living under one roof
12:07
Speaker 1: and usually under one head. I think Webster was a realist.
12:10
Speaker 1: I think he added usually out out of reality, usually
12:15
Speaker 1: under one head. And another definition goes on to say
12:19
Speaker 1: it is a basic unit in society, having as it's
12:25
Speaker 1: nucleus two or more parents living together and cooperating in
12:32
Speaker 1: the care and rearing of their own or adopted children. Officially,
12:39
Speaker 1: that would be called the definition of a family. I
12:43
Speaker 1: doubt that any one of us would disagree with any
12:46
Speaker 1: part of that definition.
12:48
Speaker 2: But when you.
12:49
Speaker 1: Break it down and you get into the realm of reality,
12:52
Speaker 1: you know the complications are everywhere, and it doesn't come
12:56
Speaker 1: out quite as clean and clear as that sounds. We
13:00
Speaker 1: live in a different day than the days in which
13:03
Speaker 1: I was reared. I was a little boy during the
13:06
Speaker 1: Second World War. My father was a little too old
13:10
Speaker 1: for the draft, and so he stayed home. But we
13:12
Speaker 1: moved from the little town of El Campo to Houston,
13:16
Speaker 1: where there was a lot of industry, and my dad
13:18
Speaker 1: was involved in the.
13:21
Speaker 2: Well the armament world of that day.
13:24
Speaker 1: He was a part of the building of the B
13:27
Speaker 1: seventeen bombers, the landing gears on the some of the
13:33
Speaker 1: fighter planes, and tank transmissions for the ruggedge Sherman tank.
13:41
Speaker 1: He was engaged in that throughout the years of the war.
13:44
Speaker 1: My dad worked and when he had a little extra
13:47
Speaker 1: time he got an extra job. I saw very little
13:51
Speaker 1: of my father growing up, and because of this, I
13:54
Speaker 1: wasn't really close to my father. My mother was really
13:58
Speaker 1: the leader of the home. She was the one who
14:01
Speaker 1: introduced us to the arts. She was the one who
14:04
Speaker 1: took us to places that we would not normally have gone.
14:08
Speaker 2: She was a gifted musician, a soloist.
14:11
Speaker 1: Her mother taught piano for thirty years out of her home.
14:18
Speaker 1: My mother saw to it that we were raised with
14:22
Speaker 1: a sense of dignity in class, though we never had
14:28
Speaker 1: had much of this world's goods.
14:30
Speaker 2: I remember my mom and dad on their knees as
14:33
Speaker 2: they were praying about buying a.
14:34
Speaker 1: New home for five thousand, nine and ninety five dollars
14:39
Speaker 1: in the city of Houston on the East Side, and
14:42
Speaker 1: I remember my dad saying over the table level, I'm
14:47
Speaker 1: not sure we can do this. I mean, after all,
14:50
Speaker 1: the payments are sixty nine dollars a month, I'm not
14:55
Speaker 1: sure we can make this happen. We've got three kids
14:57
Speaker 1: growing up, and look at how much they eat, and
15:01
Speaker 1: on and on, he would say. My father was a
15:03
Speaker 1: bit of a pessimist. But we moved into this little
15:06
Speaker 1: home and lived there throughout my childhood and on up
15:08
Speaker 1: into my college days. Centia and I met in nineteen
15:13
Speaker 1: fifty three. She was sixteen, I was eighteen. I went
15:18
Speaker 1: with her for a week before I knew that I
15:20
Speaker 1: wanted to marry her, and I waited that long to
15:22
Speaker 1: make certain that this was the one. Daddy should have
15:27
Speaker 1: shot me when he found out about it, but he didn't.
15:29
Speaker 1: Eighteen months later we married. She was eighteen, I was twenty.
15:33
Speaker 1: Had to sign a report card several times after we
15:35
Speaker 1: married to get her out of school, not really for
15:40
Speaker 1: six and a half years we lived together alone, without children.
15:44
Speaker 1: During that time, I finished my schooling and did a
15:47
Speaker 1: hitch in the Marine Corps and then wound up a
15:50
Speaker 1: Dallas Theological seminary and as a first year student nineteen
15:53
Speaker 1: fifty nine, and by sixty one we had our first baby.
16:00
Speaker 1: His name is Kurt, and Kurt is today. I made
16:05
Speaker 1: note of this, honey, so wouldn't mess it up. He
16:07
Speaker 1: is forty eight years old as of September. Two years later,
16:12
Speaker 1: his sister was born, Carisa. She is forty six. Colleen
16:18
Speaker 1: came along four years later, and she was born in
16:21
Speaker 1: New England while we were there for a pastorate she's
16:24
Speaker 1: forty two. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to know the
16:26
Speaker 1: entire conference knows her age today. And Chuck, who is
16:31
Speaker 1: taking care of our sound through this week, is thirty nine,
16:35
Speaker 1: recently turned on the same day as his and Jenny's anniversary.
16:39
Speaker 1: All four are married, all four have children, and all
16:43
Speaker 1: these couples have given us ten grandchildren, and we are
16:50
Speaker 1: grateful for fifty four years of marriage. We're having dinner
16:55
Speaker 1: at a restaurant the other night and the waitress said,
16:58
Speaker 1: is this something special? And we told her it was
17:00
Speaker 1: an anniversary dinner. She said really, She said, like, like,
17:04
Speaker 1: how many years? And I said, well, over fifty. I
17:09
Speaker 1: thought she was going to drop the tray out of
17:11
Speaker 1: her hands, and she started. She called other waiters over
17:14
Speaker 1: and they applaud like we were sort of something unusual.
17:19
Speaker 1: And she said, I've never in my life met a
17:21
Speaker 1: couple married that law. When I was growing up, that's
17:27
Speaker 1: very common. You married, you stayed married, there wasn't any
17:32
Speaker 1: break in it, and and you went through the stuff together,
17:36
Speaker 1: and you never thought of an anniversary being anything unusual,
17:39
Speaker 1: no matter what the number was. You saw your children
17:43
Speaker 1: as your responsibility, and you saw your children your grandchildren
17:46
Speaker 1: and those to be loved and cared.
17:48
Speaker 2: For and adored, and all of that.
17:52
Speaker 1: You grew up, You stayed together, You made mistakes, she struggled,
17:56
Speaker 1: You worked your way through.
17:59
Speaker 2: Life as you knew it.
18:00
Speaker 1: You enjoy the holidays, you had, family reunions and all
18:04
Speaker 1: that went with that. Enough reminiscing. Today's world is not
18:09
Speaker 1: that world. Today's family is not that family. If it is,
18:15
Speaker 1: you're very, very unusual. We have known in our own homes, serious,
18:23
Speaker 1: serious problems. We have known in our marriage, the struggles
18:29
Speaker 1: that every married couple knows. I almost ruined our marriage
18:33
Speaker 1: ten years into it because of my stubbornness and determination
18:39
Speaker 1: to make Cynthia just like me. Can you imagine anything
18:44
Speaker 1: worse than a female me on this planet? And through
18:50
Speaker 1: her patience and God's grace, we got through that tough time.
18:56
Speaker 1: You may be right now in a tough time. We were
19:00
Speaker 1: all laugh and smile and clapping, applauding, singing, praying, doing
19:04
Speaker 1: all the right things on this cruise. But the truth
19:06
Speaker 1: be told, you may be going through a very thin
19:11
Speaker 1: period of time in your marriage.
19:16
Speaker 2: You may have gone.
19:17
Speaker 1: Through such and not been able to endure. My desire
19:21
Speaker 1: today is not in any way to intensify your guilt.
19:24
Speaker 1: You have enough of that. But my word today is
19:28
Speaker 1: that we go on with our lives. We go on,
19:34
Speaker 1: we don't stay stuck.
19:43
Speaker 2: Even though these things are all true.
19:45
Speaker 1: God has not changed his plan for the home and
19:48
Speaker 1: family since the beginning of time.
19:51
Speaker 2: Even though it may.
19:52
Speaker 1: Wear a different dress and be expressed in various ways,
19:57
Speaker 1: the basic principles are the same. I have my Bible
19:59
Speaker 1: open to Genesis chapter one, where I'd like to have
20:04
Speaker 1: you turn, and I'd like for us to look at
20:08
Speaker 1: the original plan. God holds the pattern on marriage, and
20:15
Speaker 1: his arrangement is not that complicated. It all began, you'll remember,
20:23
Speaker 1: in the Garden of Eden on the sixth day, verse
20:27
Speaker 1: twenty six. God said, Chapter one, verse twenty six, let
20:32
Speaker 1: us make man in our image, according to our likeness.
20:40
Speaker 2: And let them.
20:41
Speaker 1: Rule over the fish of the sea, and over the
20:44
Speaker 1: birds of the sky, over the cattle, and over all
20:48
Speaker 1: the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on
20:53
Speaker 1: the earth. None of what I'm going to be sharing
20:56
Speaker 1: is politically correct. That's why I love it. And you
21:02
Speaker 1: will see that man is to rule over earth. He
21:04
Speaker 1: isn't to worship earth. He is to watch over things
21:09
Speaker 1: and care for things. But he is to dominate the things.
21:13
Speaker 2: Of this earth.
21:14
Speaker 1: He is not to see himself as a victim of it,
21:17
Speaker 1: but as to as one who has authority given by
21:21
Speaker 1: God over it.
21:23
Speaker 2: In fact, God created man in his image.
21:27
Speaker 1: Continue to read verse twenty seven, in his own image,
21:31
Speaker 1: in the image of God. Repeated in the image of God.
21:36
Speaker 1: He created him male and female. He created what them
21:44
Speaker 1: so he distinguished between the male and the female. Never
21:50
Speaker 1: meant for them to merge, never meant for one to
21:53
Speaker 1: be in the role of the other. He meant for
21:57
Speaker 1: man to be a man and for the woman to
22:00
Speaker 1: be a woman.
22:03
Speaker 2: We don't live in.
22:03
Speaker 1: That kind of era of genders are now blended. Marriages
22:08
Speaker 1: are now between two of the same sex, never in
22:12
Speaker 1: God's original plan. And I meant even young men that
22:17
Speaker 1: aren't really sure about being a man, they don't have
22:22
Speaker 1: models of it. They don't spend time with those who
22:25
Speaker 1: really are. Which is one of my messages to men
22:29
Speaker 1: at all times is to be a man.
22:32
Speaker 2: Don't be ashamed of it.
22:33
Speaker 1: Salehammer years ago gave me a great list called reasons
22:37
Speaker 1: to be a man, and they're great. Phone conversations are
22:43
Speaker 1: over in thirty seconds.
22:44
Speaker 2: Flat.
22:47
Speaker 1: You know stuff about tanks. You go to the bathroom
22:53
Speaker 1: without a support group. You can kill your own food.
23:02
Speaker 1: Wedding plans take care of themselves. Your underwear is ten
23:07
Speaker 1: dollars for a three pack. You can quietly enjoy a
23:13
Speaker 1: car ride from the passenger seat. Takes a little while,
23:20
Speaker 1: but you'll get it. You don't have to clean up
23:23
Speaker 1: your apartment just because the meter reader is coming that day.
23:29
Speaker 1: You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for
23:31
Speaker 1: hours without ever thinking he must be mad at me.
23:37
Speaker 1: Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. You can drop
23:42
Speaker 1: by to see a friend without having to bring a
23:44
Speaker 1: little gift. If another guy shows up at the party
23:48
Speaker 1: in the same outfit, you might become lifelong friends.
23:53
Speaker 2: Hey, great seat.
23:57
Speaker 1: You seldom have strap problems in public. At least a
24:02
Speaker 1: few belches are expected and tolerated. Your belly usually hides
24:07
Speaker 1: your big hips. One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color,
24:13
Speaker 1: all seasons. You can do your nails with a pocket knife.
24:20
Speaker 1: You have a freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
24:28
Speaker 1: Christmas shopping can be accomplished for twenty five relatives on
24:32
Speaker 1: December twenty fourth and forty five minutes. It's great to
24:37
Speaker 1: be a man. It's great to be a woman. It's
24:41
Speaker 1: great to know who we are, male, female, exactly as
24:47
Speaker 1: God had it in his original plan. And then he
24:51
Speaker 1: said to this couple verse twenty eight, be fruitful and
24:58
Speaker 1: multiply and fill the earth. Look at it again, subdue it,
25:05
Speaker 1: take charge of it. Rule over the fish of the sea,
25:09
Speaker 1: and the birds and every living thing that moves on
25:13
Speaker 1: the earth. She the words be fruitful and multiplied, fill
25:18
Speaker 1: the earth reminds me of the line my paternal grandmother
25:23
Speaker 1: said to my father. My mother and dad were visiting her.
25:28
Speaker 1: She died before I was born, but my mother was
25:30
Speaker 1: carrying me. She had two other little ones in toe,
25:35
Speaker 1: little boy and the younger than then, Orville. My brother
25:39
Speaker 1: was Lucy, my sister, and they were there, and then
25:42
Speaker 1: here my mother was big and round with me, and
25:45
Speaker 1: my grandmother pulled her son aside and said, earl, listen
25:49
Speaker 1: to me. God did say to be fruitful and multiplied,
25:54
Speaker 1: to fill the earth, but he never expected one woman
25:57
Speaker 1: to do it all.
26:02
Speaker 2: Now back off, my mother said.
26:06
Speaker 1: He looked at her and blinked and said, yes, ma'am.
26:12
Speaker 1: If you look across the page in chapter two, you'll
26:14
Speaker 1: have the sort of the broadened view of what was
26:19
Speaker 1: given in overview in chapter one. You'll get to verse
26:24
Speaker 1: seven verse eighteen of chapter two, and here the Lord
26:29
Speaker 1: tells us of some details. The Lord God said, it's
26:32
Speaker 1: not good for the man to be alone. And immediately,
26:39
Speaker 1: by the way, that's the first thing mentioned in the
26:41
Speaker 1: Bible that's not good. Until now everything.
26:45
Speaker 2: Is good, good, good, very good, very good, very good.
26:49
Speaker 2: It's not good to see Adam all alone.
26:54
Speaker 1: And so the Lord immediately provides a solution. I will
26:59
Speaker 1: make a helper suitable for him, beautiful Hebrew term, one
27:08
Speaker 1: who corresponds to him if you love music, one who
27:12
Speaker 1: does the harmony in the music of their lives, one
27:18
Speaker 1: who is the color and the tapestry of the family.
27:24
Speaker 1: I will add another to his life who will compliment
27:29
Speaker 1: the things that are missing, the things that he needs.
27:32
Speaker 2: Since it's not good that he be alone. And so
27:36
Speaker 2: the Lord does the work.
27:38
Speaker 1: He immediately not only gives the solution, he now carries
27:43
Speaker 1: it out out of the ground. The Lord God formed
27:45
Speaker 1: every beast of the field, every bird of the sky,
27:49
Speaker 1: brought them to the man to see what he would
27:51
Speaker 1: call them. Since managed to subdue the earth, he has
27:55
Speaker 1: now given the authority to name all the animals, to
27:58
Speaker 1: give you some idea of the fact of sin and
28:01
Speaker 1: the difference it's made. Before there was sin in the garden.
28:05
Speaker 1: Adam had this kind of intellectual ability. As the animals
28:08
Speaker 1: were brought before him, he named them all, named them all,
28:12
Speaker 1: named every one of them.
28:15
Speaker 2: Whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name.
28:19
Speaker 1: And then the man gave names to all the cattle,
28:22
Speaker 1: the birds, and every beast. But for Adam there was
28:25
Speaker 1: not found a helper suitable for him. The identical phrase
28:29
Speaker 1: used here is used earlier at the end of verse eighteen.
28:32
Speaker 1: A helper suitable for him. None of the animals were
28:36
Speaker 1: to be his partner in life. And so the Lord
28:40
Speaker 1: God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man.
28:44
Speaker 1: This is exactly how it happened. You can start to
28:49
Speaker 1: say you could take it to the bank. That's today's
28:51
Speaker 1: that's not a good analogy. You can rely on these words.
28:57
Speaker 1: A deep sleep fell on the man.
28:59
Speaker 2: He slept.
29:00
Speaker 1: He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh,
29:03
Speaker 1: and the Lord fashioned into a woman. It's the idea
29:07
Speaker 1: of reforming, reshaping, rebuilding this bone, cartilage, rib into a
29:15
Speaker 1: human being. And he fashioned the woman out of the
29:22
Speaker 1: rib which he had taken from the man, and he
29:24
Speaker 1: brought her to the man. This is the first time
29:28
Speaker 1: in Adam's entire life.
29:31
Speaker 2: That he sees another human being. It's a great moment.
29:37
Speaker 2: Here she stands. Whoa look at what he said.
29:44
Speaker 1: The man said, this is now bone of my bones,
29:48
Speaker 1: and flesh of my flesh. In fact, the emphasis in
29:52
Speaker 1: the word doesn't seem a parent in the English. It's
29:55
Speaker 1: the word now, now, at last fire. This is the
30:02
Speaker 1: one I have needed. This is the answer to my aloneness.
30:07
Speaker 1: And this also gets lost in the hurried worries syndrome
30:11
Speaker 1: of our times. How magnificent to find a couple where
30:16
Speaker 1: the husband has that kind of adoration and affection and acceptance.
30:25
Speaker 2: Of his partner in life.
30:28
Speaker 1: In our church, from time to time, I will have
30:30
Speaker 1: people repeat words after me. The other day I was
30:32
Speaker 1: finishing First John, and if you know the letter, you
30:36
Speaker 1: know it's filled with the word love and affectionate terms
30:42
Speaker 1: that John would have his readers use. And we practice
30:46
Speaker 1: the words I love you understand, I'm ministering to Texans.
30:54
Speaker 1: Understand these some of these people are still wearing cowboy boots.
30:57
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean.
31:00
Speaker 1: The last time this guy said I love you is
31:02
Speaker 1: when they got to do puppy, and then I had
31:06
Speaker 1: him actually touch.
31:11
Speaker 2: You should have seen it.
31:18
Speaker 1: And then after a few seconds I had him repeat
31:21
Speaker 1: the words. I said, use the pronoun I love.
31:28
Speaker 2: You. I watched him.
31:34
Speaker 1: One guy down near the front goes love you. So
31:37
Speaker 1: I said, that's not fair. You can't do that. You
31:40
Speaker 1: got to use the pronoun. I mean you thought I
31:45
Speaker 1: was going to ask him to take an enema. I mean,
31:46
Speaker 1: the guy is just unbelievable.
31:48
Speaker 2: It's like, okay, I love you anyway.
31:57
Speaker 1: Adam looks at this woman and he's blown away. If
32:07
Speaker 1: something of this has been lost, it's not that you've
32:10
Speaker 1: been married too long. It's that other things have crowded
32:14
Speaker 1: in and gotten in the way of what you once
32:17
Speaker 1: felt and said on a regular basis. This is now
32:22
Speaker 1: bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She
32:25
Speaker 1: shall be called woman because she was taken out.
32:28
Speaker 2: Of a man.
32:32
Speaker 1: And the two verses that follow these are not the
32:34
Speaker 1: words of Adam. I don't know how your Bible reads,
32:37
Speaker 1: but my Bible verses twenty three and verse twenty three
32:40
Speaker 1: is in a sort of a meter form. But when
32:42
Speaker 1: you get to verse twenty four and twenty five. It's
32:44
Speaker 1: in a narrative form. So this is Moses writing God's
32:51
Speaker 1: word to those generations that would follow.
32:57
Speaker 2: In fact, he makes that clear.
32:58
Speaker 1: For this reason, a man shall leave his father and
33:04
Speaker 1: his mother and be joined to his wife.
33:07
Speaker 2: Now, right away, we have some.
33:08
Speaker 1: Of the very basic principles of a family, and I
33:12
Speaker 1: want you to write down these four words.
33:14
Speaker 2: Okay.
33:15
Speaker 1: The first word is severance. For this reason, a man
33:20
Speaker 1: shall leave. The implication is the woman will leave her
33:24
Speaker 1: father and mother. So there is the severance between the
33:30
Speaker 1: original home in which they were reared. Though we were young,
33:34
Speaker 1: Cynthia and I left our mother and father when we
33:39
Speaker 1: married one another. I find on occasion couples that they've
33:45
Speaker 1: been married for years, the man still hasn't really left
33:49
Speaker 1: his mom and dad. Emotionally, sometimes even mentally. There's the
33:55
Speaker 1: constant comparison with how his mother did things and puts
34:00
Speaker 1: his wife on the spot because she doesn't do those things.
34:04
Speaker 1: Whether it's how she cooks or how she dresses, or
34:06
Speaker 1: how she handles herself in the house, or how they're
34:09
Speaker 1: rearing the children. There is to be a severance between
34:14
Speaker 1: the child and the parent, between the adult that's marrying
34:17
Speaker 1: and the parents of that adult.
34:19
Speaker 2: So there's severance. He shall leave his.
34:23
Speaker 1: Father and mother and shall be joined to his wife.
34:30
Speaker 1: See the word joined, it's the word for bonding, as
34:35
Speaker 1: in a permanent kind of glue.
34:37
Speaker 2: So let's use the word permanence.
34:39
Speaker 1: There is to be a severance from mother and dad,
34:42
Speaker 1: and there is to be a permanence in the beginning
34:45
Speaker 1: of this bonding between a grown man and a grown woman.
34:55
Speaker 1: The next verse, and the man and his wife were
34:59
Speaker 1: both naked, and we're not ashamed, So we have intimacy.
35:06
Speaker 1: The man and his wife are naked and they were
35:12
Speaker 1: not ashamed. We have liberty, we have freedom. It's easy
35:20
Speaker 1: for us to read this in today's culture or in
35:22
Speaker 1: today's mindset and miss the whole point. The nakedness here
35:26
Speaker 1: is a nakedness, not only physically but emotionally. They were
35:30
Speaker 1: emotionally naked. There were no hidden spots, there were no secrets,
35:36
Speaker 1: there were no surprises, there was an openness. There is
35:40
Speaker 1: a freedom that follows. They were not ashamed. Isn't it
35:45
Speaker 1: interesting that when sin enters the family, this first couple's life,
35:50
Speaker 1: the first thing they do is cover up. The first
35:55
Speaker 1: thing they do as it relates to God is to
35:58
Speaker 1: run and hide. Secrecy sets in, shame kicks in. But
36:04
Speaker 1: the original plan was not that there was severance, there
36:08
Speaker 1: was permanence, There was intimacy, and then there was liberty.
36:14
Speaker 1: No matter what era in which you live, in which
36:16
Speaker 1: you happen to live, those four basic principles still hold true.
36:22
Speaker 1: And if you need nothing else to go with as
36:25
Speaker 1: a project, this cruise together. This is a great time
36:30
Speaker 1: to go back over those four Have you really severed?
36:34
Speaker 1: Are you really permanent in your relationship? If not, what
36:37
Speaker 1: is it that's breaking that down? Is there intimacy that
36:42
Speaker 1: you enjoy just between the two of you to be
36:46
Speaker 1: shared with no other person? And is there liberty a
36:52
Speaker 1: lack of shame and an openness with one another? Now,
36:57
Speaker 1: these are the things that really matter. Life gets complicated,
37:03
Speaker 1: marriages uh uh weaken and all the things that go
37:08
Speaker 1: along with it. But but basically, this is the This
37:11
Speaker 1: is the what we would might call the the absolute foundation.
37:16
Speaker 1: This is ground zero for a marriage. Now, in light
37:25
Speaker 1: of that, I want to I want to leave with you, uh,
37:28
Speaker 1: six principles that I would like you to to write down.
37:33
Speaker 1: I think you will use them. You'll remember them in
37:35
Speaker 1: the days to come. So uh, we'll turn from various verses,
37:40
Speaker 1: and at times we won't even uh take the time
37:43
Speaker 1: for that, but but you'll they're all biblically based. There
37:47
Speaker 1: are six principles regarding things that really matter, and we're
37:54
Speaker 1: looking back to those things that that that really matter.
37:57
Speaker 1: These are the things that aren't changed. The first set
38:01
Speaker 1: has to do with principles themselves.
38:05
Speaker 2: Here's the principle.
38:07
Speaker 1: Biblical principles are more important than traditional opinions. Biblical principles
38:14
Speaker 1: are more important than traditional opinions. If you turn from
38:20
Speaker 1: Genesis one over to Matthew chapter fifteen, you'll see an
38:26
Speaker 1: example of a group of people that we're opting for
38:30
Speaker 1: human opinion over biblical principles. That'll get you in trouble
38:34
Speaker 1: every time. Matthew fifteen, some Pharisees and scribes came to
38:40
Speaker 1: Jesus from Jerusalem and said, why do your disciples break
38:43
Speaker 1: the tradition of the elders, for they do not wash
38:46
Speaker 1: their hands when they eat bread. As a whole background
38:50
Speaker 1: to it, I won't go into, but they're fussing over
38:52
Speaker 1: this ritual of how they ought.
38:54
Speaker 2: To wash their hands.
38:56
Speaker 1: God had certainly taught purity, but the Pharisees had come
38:59
Speaker 1: and ad it describes, and Pharisees added one rule after another,
39:02
Speaker 1: till they got up over six hundred rules on it,
39:06
Speaker 1: including how to wash your hands, how the hands are
39:09
Speaker 1: to be held up, and how the waters to drip
39:11
Speaker 1: off the elbowst how they're to be rubbed together in
39:13
Speaker 1: a certain way. None of it is biblical. All of
39:16
Speaker 1: it is human tradition. And because the disciples didn't go
39:19
Speaker 1: through that rigamarole, they're getting nailed by the Pharisees, the
39:23
Speaker 1: ultimate legalists, and so Jesus is unintimidated. Verse three, He said,
39:28
Speaker 1: why do you yourself, Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment
39:32
Speaker 1: of God for the sake of your traditions. So he
39:35
Speaker 1: doesn't even answer the question of the washing of the hands.
39:38
Speaker 1: He goes to the subject of their embracing human traditions
39:42
Speaker 1: and opinions over biblical truth.
39:45
Speaker 2: In fact, he quotes them what the scripture says.
39:48
Speaker 1: Honor your father and your mother, and he who speaks
39:51
Speaker 1: evil of father or mother is to be put to death.
39:54
Speaker 2: Pretty serious words.
39:56
Speaker 1: Let me say to all the teenagers who are with
39:58
Speaker 1: us today that the importance of your honoring your mother
40:03
Speaker 1: and dad continues to this day, there will never be
40:07
Speaker 1: a time when it is inappropriate for you to do that.
40:11
Speaker 1: It is a biblical principle, and you go with it,
40:14
Speaker 1: You learn to go with it, you develop, you cultivate.
40:17
Speaker 1: The habit of honoring your mom and dad doesn't mean
40:21
Speaker 1: they've got to be perfect to earn it. It means
40:23
Speaker 1: you are commanded to honor your mother and dad. There's
40:26
Speaker 1: something honorable about respecting not only the years they have
40:32
Speaker 1: ahead of you, but the fact that they are your authority.
40:36
Speaker 1: And he states the principle, and these Pharisees had walked
40:39
Speaker 1: away from.
40:39
Speaker 2: It verse five. But instead of embracing.
40:43
Speaker 1: The biblical statement that he quotes out of the Old Testament,
40:46
Speaker 1: he says, but you say, whoever says to his father
40:49
Speaker 1: or mother, whatever I have that would help you has
40:52
Speaker 1: been given to God. And so they rationalized around the
40:56
Speaker 1: whole idea of honoring mom and dad by going with
40:59
Speaker 1: something that was of their own opinion and making making
41:03
Speaker 1: it easier for them to live the life they wanted
41:05
Speaker 1: to live. There are all kinds of human opinions about life,
41:10
Speaker 1: about marriage, and about family. Let me urge you, as
41:14
Speaker 1: a couple, if you've never done this before or a
41:16
Speaker 1: single You may have been married and you're now single.
41:21
Speaker 1: You may anticipate marriage in the days ahead. It is
41:24
Speaker 1: a great thing to do biblical studies, to study to
41:28
Speaker 1: learn the principles regarding marriage and family from the Word
41:33
Speaker 1: of God. There are good books written on it, and
41:36
Speaker 1: they are certainly available, but you can't beat the writing.
41:39
Speaker 2: Of the scriptures. The second.
41:42
Speaker 1: Guideline has to do with relationships, and I want you
41:45
Speaker 1: to write this one down. Mutual relationships are more valuable
41:50
Speaker 1: than individual accomplishments. Your family will love it if you
41:55
Speaker 1: model this. Mutual relationships are more value than individual accomplishments
42:06
Speaker 1: in the family that will always always.
42:09
Speaker 2: Be a battle.
42:11
Speaker 1: And if you're not careful, selfishness will take over and
42:15
Speaker 1: you'll be driven toward your own accomplishments and you're being
42:19
Speaker 1: fulfilled rather than the cultivation of mutual relationships.
42:23
Speaker 2: And I think of the scene.
42:25
Speaker 1: Out of Mark chapter six where Jesus sends the disciples
42:28
Speaker 1: out to preach, and after they have done the job,
42:31
Speaker 1: he brings them back together and verse thirty. Verse thirty
42:35
Speaker 1: one describes the scene in Mark six where the apostles
42:39
Speaker 1: gathered after their preaching assignment and Jesus said to them
42:43
Speaker 1: after they had come back, He said, now let's come
42:46
Speaker 1: away by yourselves to a secluded place and let's rest
42:50
Speaker 1: a while. For there were many people coming and going,
42:54
Speaker 1: and they did not even have time to eat. Sounds
42:57
Speaker 1: like last week, doesn't it? Maybe sounds like earlier this year.
43:01
Speaker 1: For you have now on this cruise, come away for
43:04
Speaker 1: a time and a secluded place to rest a while,
43:08
Speaker 1: which prompted me to say what I said last night.
43:12
Speaker 1: When you take time to rest, when you slow down,
43:15
Speaker 1: when you turn the meter off, as the old folk
43:19
Speaker 1: song put it, when I threw away my watch, I
43:21
Speaker 1: had all the time in the world when I set
43:24
Speaker 1: aside the demands and responsibilities and deadlines I now must face,
43:30
Speaker 1: and the quietness of myself, the reality of my life.
43:36
Speaker 1: That's not easy for people. I was getting off the
43:39
Speaker 1: airplane the other day and I said to the lady
43:41
Speaker 1: who had helped us through the flight, said, is there
43:44
Speaker 1: any reason that as soon as the engines.
43:45
Speaker 2: Go off, music comes on? It's always dumb music. It's
43:49
Speaker 2: elevator music.
43:50
Speaker 1: And I mean, you could hardly get on your cellphone
43:53
Speaker 1: to talk to the person that's going to meet you,
43:55
Speaker 1: because so I said, is there any she said, Oh yeah,
44:02
Speaker 1: people can't stand silence.
44:07
Speaker 2: Isn't an amazing answer.
44:12
Speaker 1: On this ship, there will be times of silence. It's
44:14
Speaker 1: one of the best gifts you're given. But in the
44:19
Speaker 1: times of silence, you'll be doing some reflecting. And when
44:22
Speaker 1: you reflect, you'll have to address relationships. The longer I live,
44:29
Speaker 1: the more valuable I think relationships are.
44:34
Speaker 2: Just finish.
44:34
Speaker 1: Reading Dave Roper's most recent book, Teach Us to Number
44:37
Speaker 1: Our Days, I love Dave Roper's writings, and.
44:42
Speaker 2: In it he says this. G. K.
44:43
Speaker 1: Chesterton defines a saint as one who exaggerates what the
44:47
Speaker 1: world neglects. And what is neglected today is the art
44:54
Speaker 1: of paying attention. Few seem to be aware of the
45:00
Speaker 1: pain around them. They go their way, inattentive and unmoved.
45:09
Speaker 1: In such a world, it's not difficult to find some
45:12
Speaker 1: want to supply some misery to alleviate.
45:18
Speaker 2: A divorcee or widow grief stricken.
45:21
Speaker 1: In her loneliness, a weary parent kept awake at night
45:25
Speaker 1: by the struggles of a hurting child, A frightened man
45:30
Speaker 1: awaiting cancer surgery in the morning, A careworn checker in
45:35
Speaker 1: a grocery store working a second or third job to
45:39
Speaker 1: make ends meet, a young boy who has never had
45:43
Speaker 1: enough father, a single mother whose flood of worries has
45:50
Speaker 1: washed away her hope.
45:55
Speaker 2: I can let people know that I care.
45:57
Speaker 1: I can ask them to tell their stories and listen
46:00
Speaker 1: patiently while they do. I can treat them with courtesy
46:06
Speaker 1: and respect, though they may be testy or tiresome. I
46:11
Speaker 1: can encourage those with aching hearts with a word of
46:13
Speaker 1: God's mercy and love. I can follow up with an email,
46:19
Speaker 1: a card, or a call. And of course I can
46:22
Speaker 1: always pray with them and for them.
46:26
Speaker 2: Paying attention pays off.
46:29
Speaker 1: For we are happiest when we give our lives away.
46:36
Speaker 1: I hope you have come to the place in your
46:38
Speaker 1: life where you see the value of giving away something
46:41
Speaker 1: of yourself rather regularly. Because truth be told, we hear
46:47
Speaker 1: more truth in one week than the average person in
46:50
Speaker 1: this world.
46:51
Speaker 2: Here's in a lifetime.
46:57
Speaker 1: So when I pause on the subject of a mutual
46:59
Speaker 1: relationship being more valuable than individual accomplishments, I really am
47:04
Speaker 1: talking to myself.
47:05
Speaker 2: As well as all of you.
47:09
Speaker 1: It's just helpful at times to give up the whole
47:12
Speaker 1: idea that it always has to be a higher salary
47:15
Speaker 1: or you always have to push for more perks, because
47:20
Speaker 1: with that comes intense pressures and always the need to
47:27
Speaker 1: keep on. Sometimes it's good to pull off to the
47:31
Speaker 1: side and let the wonder in which brings us to
47:34
Speaker 1: the third, which is priorities.
47:37
Speaker 2: Write this one down.
47:39
Speaker 1: Domestic priorities rate higher than church programs. Domestic priorities rate
47:48
Speaker 1: higher than church programs. For years I have been haunted
47:54
Speaker 1: with the words of First Timothy, chapter three, which speaks
47:59
Speaker 1: to past all, pastors, all in ministry. In the list
48:06
Speaker 1: of the responsibilities and requirements of the overseer, we're told
48:12
Speaker 1: in verse two, an overseer must be above reproach the
48:16
Speaker 1: husband of one wife. Verse four. He must be one
48:20
Speaker 1: who manages his own household well, keeping his children under
48:26
Speaker 1: control with dignity.
48:29
Speaker 2: And then the haunting verse verse five.
48:31
Speaker 1: If a man does not know how to manage his
48:34
Speaker 1: own house, how will he take care of the Church
48:39
Speaker 1: of God.
48:42
Speaker 2: We have about forty pastors on the cruise.
48:45
Speaker 1: Perhaps say more accurately, pastors and wives, these words are
48:50
Speaker 1: for you, especially. Domestic priorities rate higher than your sermon
48:57
Speaker 1: on Sunday. They rate higher than any church program. If
49:06
Speaker 1: your wife is uneasy, if your spouse is uneasy about
49:09
Speaker 1: the direction, then there's something wrong with your direction. Most likely,
49:15
Speaker 1: unless he or she is very sick, there's something wrong
49:19
Speaker 1: for you to press on in spite of her response.
49:24
Speaker 1: In honoring her, you listen to her. There are times
49:29
Speaker 1: you listen with a spirit of great submission, just as
49:33
Speaker 1: you expect her to do with you. I realize some
49:39
Speaker 1: churches won't allow a person to embrace this principle.
49:42
Speaker 2: I know that they're wrong.
49:47
Speaker 1: And if you serve in a church where this kind
49:49
Speaker 1: of principle is ignored or denied, you're probably in the
49:53
Speaker 1: wrong place. If you can't get it turned around, how
49:58
Speaker 1: can you ever justify a ruining home while expanding the church?
50:06
Speaker 2: Of the two?
50:07
Speaker 1: I think I hardly need to say to any of us,
50:09
Speaker 1: the harder place to fulfill responsibilities is the home. Compared
50:15
Speaker 1: to the church, it's far more difficult. It's hard to
50:18
Speaker 1: work at home. There are tougher issues to deal with
50:23
Speaker 1: because you've got to deal with yourself, and your spouse
50:26
Speaker 1: will help you.
50:27
Speaker 2: Know yourself, know you best.
50:31
Speaker 1: It's possible to fake it at church, you can't fake
50:33
Speaker 1: it at home. When the doors close, faking stops. I
50:39
Speaker 1: just finished this year leading with a Limp by Dan Allender,
50:44
Speaker 1: leading with a limp, and in it he tells this
50:48
Speaker 1: story that almost made me weep. I counseled a man
50:53
Speaker 1: of immense wealth who is the champion of several national
50:56
Speaker 1: Christian ministries. His marriage was rumbling, and he sought my help.
51:03
Speaker 1: When anyone asks this man what directs his life, he
51:06
Speaker 1: immediately answers, knowing Christ and making him known. His life
51:12
Speaker 1: goal is to have all things submitted to Jesus, though
51:16
Speaker 1: he acknowledges that he fails daily in achieving this goal
51:21
Speaker 1: at home. During one counseling session, I addressed the man's
51:26
Speaker 1: tyrannical and belittling.
51:28
Speaker 2: Behavior toward his wife.
51:31
Speaker 1: She was present in the room, and as she listened,
51:35
Speaker 1: he sprayed me with a barrage of self justification. When
51:40
Speaker 1: I pressed against it, I was told that I simply
51:42
Speaker 1: didn't understand the extent of his wife's failure. He argued
51:49
Speaker 1: that I had been swayed earlier in the counseling sason
51:52
Speaker 1: by his wife's stated willingness to change. Around and around
51:58
Speaker 1: we went.
51:59
Speaker 2: Until I called called his self righteousness ugly.
52:05
Speaker 1: Then he stormed out of my office, flinging invective and
52:10
Speaker 1: leaving his wife with no way to get home. This
52:16
Speaker 1: lion of industry and faith is a thoroughgoing narcissist whose
52:22
Speaker 1: wealth and power have shielded him from hearing anything that
52:26
Speaker 1: goes against the grain of his empty, indulged, and fragile self.
52:33
Speaker 1: He has been in fellowship and Bible studies with many
52:36
Speaker 1: famous Christian leaders, none of whom has ever called him
52:41
Speaker 1: on how he treats his wife and his stubbornness. Neither
52:46
Speaker 1: have any of these leaders asked him to tell the
52:49
Speaker 1: stories from his childhood that oriented him to being empty
52:53
Speaker 1: and brutal. No one has attempted to grow his character
52:59
Speaker 1: outside of the conventional structures of voting, write voting, Bible study,
53:06
Speaker 1: and organizational loyalty. I believe that's the case.
53:09
Speaker 2: For most Christians.
53:15
Speaker 1: This is a great time for you to admit, while
53:17
Speaker 1: you're on this cruise that you have become a very
53:21
Speaker 1: difficult partner in your marriage. It's a great time for
53:25
Speaker 1: you simply to acknowledge it behind the closed doors of
53:28
Speaker 1: your cabin, sitting on your veranda. It's a great opportunity
53:33
Speaker 1: for you, who find yourself now single, to acknowledge your
53:37
Speaker 1: problem in the breakup of the marriage, so that you
53:42
Speaker 1: can get that dealt with, corrected and rearranged in case
53:46
Speaker 1: the Lord has something absolutely wonderful for you in the future,
53:51
Speaker 1: lest you participate in ruining a second or third marriage.
53:57
Speaker 1: This is hard stuff, tough stuff. It's a matter of priorities.
54:02
Speaker 1: Number four is acceptance. Write this down. Positive reinforcement is
54:08
Speaker 1: better than negative reactions. Positive reinforcement is better than negative reactions.
54:17
Speaker 1: I think of this especially in the rearing of children.
54:21
Speaker 1: How seldom children hear from their dads. Yes, yeah, that's
54:26
Speaker 1: a great idea, let's do that. How often we exasperate
54:31
Speaker 1: our children with frequent no no, no, oh no, we
54:36
Speaker 1: can't do that. Cynthia and I agreed as we were
54:38
Speaker 1: rearing our children that whenever it was at all possible,
54:42
Speaker 1: at all possible, we would.
54:44
Speaker 2: Say, yes, Can I sleep outside the night? Yes? Sure.
54:52
Speaker 2: Can we sleep with our clothes on? Yes? Remember when
54:55
Speaker 2: I was growing up, you could never do that. By that,
54:57
Speaker 2: I mean street clothes.
55:00
Speaker 1: Uh. Can I sleep with my regular clothes on? Can
55:03
Speaker 1: I sleep with a puppy? Yes, don't care how you
55:06
Speaker 1: smell in the morning. That's great, sleep with the puppy,
55:09
Speaker 1: it's great. Reinforcement of a positive response leaves our children
55:18
Speaker 1: balanced with great memories in their museum. Do that now
55:24
Speaker 1: with your grandchildren. If you didn't do it with your children,
55:26
Speaker 1: It's easy with the grandchildren. Grandchildren are great. I've said
55:31
Speaker 1: for years. Unless you're Charles Manson, grandchildren will love you,
55:35
Speaker 1: and you you're they're really on your side. Here's the fifth.
55:40
Speaker 2: Forgiveness. Forgiveness.
55:42
Speaker 1: Unconditional forgiveness is much preferred to lingering probation. Unconditional forgiveness
55:50
Speaker 1: is much preferred to lingering probation.
55:57
Speaker 2: Man, is it ever?
55:58
Speaker 1: Some of you have your partner on probation because they've
56:02
Speaker 1: blown it and you're determined not to forgive them.
56:08
Speaker 2: Bad plan.
56:10
Speaker 1: Just remember the story of the prodigal son. The hero
56:13
Speaker 1: of the story is not the son, it's the father.
56:17
Speaker 1: And he's a hero not because he changed his standard,
56:20
Speaker 1: but because he stayed home, let the boy go, he
56:23
Speaker 1: learned his lessons. But when it was time to come back, repented,
56:27
Speaker 1: repenting of where he had been, his father was there
56:29
Speaker 1: with open arms forgiveness. What a great gift to give
56:33
Speaker 1: your family. Unconditional forgiveness is much preferred to lingering probation. Sixth,
56:41
Speaker 1: and finally, respect, the principle of respect. Mutual respect is
56:47
Speaker 1: of greater concern than chain of command. Mutual respect is
56:53
Speaker 1: of greater concern than chain of command. How wonderful it
57:00
Speaker 1: is to see families that respect one another?
57:04
Speaker 2: How do I know they do?
57:06
Speaker 1: They listen when each other talks, They laugh at each
57:10
Speaker 1: other's stories, They cooperate with each other's struggles. They have
57:15
Speaker 1: an understanding without lecturing and sermons. I mean, I give
57:26
Speaker 1: you a simple project. Work on changing yourself rather than
57:29
Speaker 1: someone else. Work on changing yourself. And today is a
57:36
Speaker 1: good time to start. It's never too late to start
57:38
Speaker 1: doing what's right. Gary Enrigg quotes Tom Anderson in This
57:45
Speaker 1: True Story. Tom writes, I made a vow to myself
57:52
Speaker 1: on the drive down to the vacation beach cottage. For
57:56
Speaker 1: two weeks, I would try to be a loving husband
57:58
Speaker 1: and father, totally loving, no ifs, bands or butts. The
58:06
Speaker 1: idea had come to me as a listen to a
58:08
Speaker 1: commentator on my car's tape player. He was quoting a
58:12
Speaker 1: biblical passage about husbands being thoughtful of their wives. Then
58:17
Speaker 1: he went on to say love is an act of
58:19
Speaker 1: the will. A person can choose to love. To myself,
58:26
Speaker 1: I had to admit I'd been a selfish husband that
58:29
Speaker 1: our love had been dulled by my own insensitivity in
58:33
Speaker 1: petty ways, really chiding Evelyn for her tardiness, insisting on
58:40
Speaker 1: the TV channel I wanted to watch, throwing our day
58:44
Speaker 1: old newspapers away before Evelyn had.
58:46
Speaker 2: A chance to read them. I'd read them well for
58:51
Speaker 2: two weeks.
58:52
Speaker 1: All of that would change, and it did, right from
58:56
Speaker 1: the moment I kissed Evelyn at the door and said
58:58
Speaker 1: that new yellow looks great on you.
59:02
Speaker 2: Oh Tom, she.
59:05
Speaker 1: Gushed, you noticed, maybe a little shocked after the long drive.
59:14
Speaker 1: I wanted to sit and read. Evelyn suggested we walk
59:17
Speaker 1: on the beach. I started to refuse, but then I thought,
59:22
Speaker 1: Evelyn's been alone with all the kids for weeks, and
59:25
Speaker 1: now she wants to be alone with me. So we
59:28
Speaker 1: walked on the beach while the children flew their kites.
59:30
Speaker 1: And so it went two weeks of not calling the
59:35
Speaker 1: Wall Street investment firm, where I'm a director. We visited
59:40
Speaker 1: the Shell Museum, though I usually hate museums, holding my
59:46
Speaker 1: tongue while Evelyn's getting ready made us late for a
59:49
Speaker 1: dinner date. Relaxed and happy, That's how the whole vacation passed.
59:55
Speaker 1: I made a vow to keep on remembering to choose love.
1:00:00
Speaker 1: There was one thing that went wrong with my experiment. However,
1:00:03
Speaker 1: on the last night of the cottage, preparing for bed,
1:00:07
Speaker 1: Evelyn stared at me with the saddest expression.
1:00:12
Speaker 2: What's the matter?
1:00:13
Speaker 1: I asked her, Tom, She said, her voice filled with distress.
1:00:22
Speaker 2: Do you know something? I don't know what do you mean?
1:00:27
Speaker 1: Well, that check up I had several weeks ago a doctor,
1:00:32
Speaker 1: did he tell you something about me?
1:00:35
Speaker 2: Tom?
1:00:35
Speaker 1: You've been so good to me. Am I dying? Took
1:00:46
Speaker 1: a moment for it all to sink in. I burst
1:00:50
Speaker 1: out laughing. No, honey, I said, wrapping my arms around her.
1:00:54
Speaker 1: You're not dying. I'm just starting to live on this cruise,
1:01:04
Speaker 1: start to live. Okay, this is your moment.
1:01:12
Speaker 2: Father.
1:01:13
Speaker 1: Thank you for speaking truth to us in ways that
1:01:15
Speaker 1: we can remember it, and thank you for being able
1:01:19
Speaker 1: to share it with others who understand. We're all a
1:01:24
Speaker 1: bunch of sinners. We've lost our way. We follow the
1:01:29
Speaker 1: dictates of our hearts, which are deceitful and desperately wicked,
1:01:32
Speaker 1: and we've listened to our times and we have failed
1:01:38
Speaker 1: to model your message forgive us, give us the encouragement
1:01:42
Speaker 1: to start anew today in the name of Jesus, I
1:01:46
Speaker 1: pray everybody said.
1:01:50
Speaker 2: Amen.
1:01:53
Speaker 3: The preceding message, looking Back on Things that Matter, was
1:01:57
Speaker 3: copyrighted in two thousand and nine, and the sound recording
1:02:00
Speaker 3: was copyrighted in two thousand fifteen by Charles R. Swindall, Inc.
1:02:04
Speaker 3: All rights are reserved worldwide