Latest / Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic / 01: How Playing It Safe Shrinks Your Life - From numbness to feeling alive again

Transcript

01: How Playing It Safe Shrinks Your Life - From numbness to feeling alive again · Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic

• 0:03
  Speaker: Welcome to the very first episode of Banish the Lies.
• 0:06
  Speaker: I'm so glad you're here today.
• 0:08
  Speaker: I'm sharing the story behind this podcast and what it took for me to realize how much the need for safety was running my life without me even noticing.
• 0:17
  Speaker: If you've ever felt held back by the voice in your head, I trust this story will speak to you.
• 0:23
  Speaker: Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free.
• 0:34
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, your host and fellow work in Progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole.
• 0:45
  Speaker: Let's jump in.
• 0:46
  Speaker: I used to think the voice in my head was just part of being human.
• 0:56
  Speaker: You know, the one, the voice that keeps the score, the one that whispers you, should be further ahead by now, you should have it figured out.
• 1:04
  Speaker: You should be better.
• 1:05
  Speaker: For years, I believe that voice was helping me, pushing me to do more, be more, prove more, and I believe that without it, I'd essentially become a lazy sloth.
• 1:16
  Speaker: I believe this voice was helping me improve.
• 1:19
  Speaker: Become my best self.
• 1:21
  Speaker: But somewhere along the way I realized it wasn't driving me towards my potential.
• 1:26
  Speaker: It was driving me away from myself, and it was making life stressful and joyless in the process.
• 1:33
  Speaker: Now, of course, this realization didn't happen overnight.
• 1:37
  Speaker: It came slowly through exhaustion.
• 1:40
  Speaker: Perfectionism, depression, and a kind of quiet self betrayal that looked a lot like success from the outside.
• 1:48
  Speaker: I mean, I looked productive.
• 1:50
  Speaker: I felt like I was working hard.
• 1:53
  Speaker: I was actually proud when I would forfeit fun or sleep or relaxation for getting things done.
• 1:58
  Speaker: But it took a toll.
• 2:00
  Speaker: And this is in part why this podcast exists, because if you've ever felt like you were hustling for worthiness.
• 2:08
  Speaker: Following invisible rules that keep you small or stuck or on an endless hamster wheel to nowhere fast.
• 2:14
  Speaker: This is a place to pause to notice the beliefs running your life and to start questioning them.
• 2:22
  Speaker: I'm Tanya Voi, and this is Banish The Lies, a podcast about untangling the stories that keep us from seeing our own unique beauty and finding our way back to a truth.
• 2:33
  Speaker: We forget too easily that we were never broken.
• 2:37
  Speaker: You see, for as long as I can remember, I thought self-criticism was a virtue.
• 2:42
  Speaker: If I could just stay one step ahead of my mistakes, I'd be safe.
• 2:47
  Speaker: If I could anticipate every disappointment, I'd never have to feel the sting of failure.
• 2:53
  Speaker: That inner voice, the one that measured everything, became the soundtrack of my life, and honestly, it worked for a while.
• 3:02
  Speaker: It made me responsible, driven, capable.
• 3:05
  Speaker: It also made me miserable.
• 3:07
  Speaker: Underneath all that striving was a fear that I didn't really know how to name at the time.
• 3:14
  Speaker: The fear that without all the effort I would discover I was essentially not enough, and that maybe I was in fact the sum total of all those insecure, anxious, self-doubting beliefs.
• 3:28
  Speaker: This was me, an undeserving girl trapped in the identity of being alone and unworthy.
• 3:34
  Speaker: The pain from living this way led to a 20 plus year battle with bulimia that almost ended my life.
• 3:41
  Speaker: And while I would never romanticize that struggle, it did force me to finally ask questions I'd been avoiding for years and to seek help.
• 3:50
  Speaker: So as I read the self-help books and worked with coaches, mentors, spiritual teachers, things began to shift.
• 3:58
  Speaker: I started to realize I was not the only one living in a self-imposed mental prison.
• 4:03
  Speaker: Yeah, almost everyone I met carried their own version of lies that ruled their lives.
• 4:08
  Speaker: Now, of course, the message is varied.
• 4:10
  Speaker: You're too much.
• 4:11
  Speaker: You're not smart, you're not ready.
• 4:12
  Speaker: You should be grateful for what you have, et cetera.
• 4:16
  Speaker: But underneath, it's all fear, simply stories we picked up along the way.
• 4:20
  Speaker: That's what this podcast is really about.
• 4:24
  Speaker: Recognizing that these voices are old stories, not truths, stories that started out as protection, but eventually became cages.
• 4:33
  Speaker: Once you see the pattern clearly, you start noticing where these old rules are still running your life.
• 4:41
  Speaker: And when I look back, I can see the early moments where these stories took root in me.
• 4:46
  Speaker: One event that on the surface admittedly, doesn't sound like a significant trauma of any kind.
• 4:55
  Speaker: Took place when I think I was about eight.
• 4:58
  Speaker: I remember coming home from school, I was super excited.
• 5:03
  Speaker: I had just gotten a hundred percent on a math test.
• 5:05
  Speaker: Math was my favorite subject.
• 5:07
  Speaker: I ran to tell my dad expecting, I don't know, a smile, a pat on the back, a well done, but he looked at the paper and he said, um, what happened to the other 10%?
• 5:19
  Speaker: I remember trying to explain that 100% was in fact the top mark.
• 5:24
  Speaker: But he shook his head and said, if you tried hard enough.
• 5:28
  Speaker: You could have gotten 110.
• 5:30
  Speaker: Of course, he thought he was being funny, but my excitement disappeared and in that moment I learned lessons that I didn't understand until years later that mistakes are dangerous.
• 5:43
  Speaker: Approval is earned, and love has conditions.
• 5:46
  Speaker: So I worked harder.
• 5:49
  Speaker: I stayed inside the lines.
• 5:52
  Speaker: I got things right before anyone could criticize.
• 5:55
  Speaker: In fact, I criticized myself first just to be safe on the surface.
• 6:00
  Speaker: The strategy worked.
• 6:02
  Speaker: I became the responsible one, the achiever, the one people could count on.
• 6:06
  Speaker: I gave 110% to everything I did, but safety has a cost because when you're so busy trying not to get it wrong, you stop asking what might be right for you.
• 6:17
  Speaker: You trade curiosity for control and fun for certainty.
• 6:22
  Speaker: That's when I realized that what I had called perfectionism was really self-protection, disguised as ambition.
• 6:31
  Speaker: And once I finally saw the pattern, I could ask a different question.
• 6:36
  Speaker: What would it mean to feel safe without having to be perfect?
• 6:42
  Speaker: Putting content out into the world through this podcast, let me tell you, feels anything but safe.
• 6:50
  Speaker: And I know that what I have to share will be far from perfect.
• 6:54
  Speaker: Yet even with this discomfort, there's something energizing about showing up.
• 6:59
  Speaker: Without the armor of performance I've discovered, or I should say, I'm discovering that nothing feels better than the freedom of being imperfectly.
• 7:09
  Speaker: You just authentic present, just you.
• 7:14
  Speaker: And yes, it's uncomfortable because most of us are socialized to fit in, not to be ourselves, but honestly, how incredibly boring is that?
• 7:24
  Speaker: But yes, this is the reason we stay in familiar situations or relationships that aren't working because there're at least predictable and that works for a while.
• 7:37
  Speaker: But there's a point that comes in our lives when familiar stops feeling good and starts feeling like a cage.
• 7:44
  Speaker: And the fact that you're here listening to this podcast tells me that you're ready for more.
• 7:50
  Speaker: You're ready to discover the freedom that comes when we stop letting fear run the show.
• 7:55
  Speaker: This is a big part of why I'm doing this podcast.
• 7:58
  Speaker: This very public act of sharing is retraining my brain's idea of what safety is.
• 8:05
  Speaker: I really had no idea when I started this project that it would become its own kind of therapy.
• 8:10
  Speaker: Yes, it feels unfamiliar, often uncomfortable.
• 8:14
  Speaker: But also kind of thrilling for most of my life, safety meant staying invisible.
• 8:22
  Speaker: If I stayed small, I couldn't be criticized, but that kind of safety also kept me from joy, connection and creativity and fun.
• 8:33
  Speaker: Playing it safe doesn't just keep us stuck, however.
• 8:36
  Speaker: It dulls your spark, drains your energy, blurs your sense of purpose until you hardly recognize yourself.
• 8:44
  Speaker: It's like living with the lights dimmed, convinced it's safer that way until you realize you've been walking around in the dark and missing out on so much beauty that life has to offer.
• 8:53
  Speaker: Starting this podcast has reminded me what it feels like to flip the switch back on some days.
• 9:01
  Speaker: It still scares me to speak into this mic.
• 9:03
  Speaker: But I haven't felt this alive in a long time.
• 9:07
  Speaker: Creating without the whip of perfection, exploring, just because I can, remembering that play and self-expression aren't childish, they're sacred.
• 9:22
  Speaker: That's the space I wanna live in now, and that's the space I want to invite you into too, because I think that's what freedom really looks like.
• 9:31
  Speaker: Being messy.
• 9:32
  Speaker: Taking risks, doing things simply because they're fun, because they bring you joy and in so doing, you give others permission to do the same.
• 9:45
  Speaker: That's the path I wanna walk together as we strip away the lies that limit our joy, our love, and our creative expression.
• 9:55
  Speaker: So my question for you today is, where in your life have you been playing it safe?
• 10:02
  Speaker: So that you can feel secure.
• 10:04
  Speaker: Maybe it's in your work, your relationships, your creativity, or maybe it's just in the way you limit your dreams.
• 10:12
  Speaker: If you dare to dream at all, what would it look like to loosen that grip just a bit.
• 10:19
  Speaker: Not to completely abandon safety, but to build a kinder version of it.
• 10:24
  Speaker: One that lets you feel alive instead of just protected.
• 10:28
  Speaker: You don't have to do anything dramatic.
• 10:30
  Speaker: Maybe it's as simple as speaking up in a meeting, telling a friend or a partner what you really need, or letting yourself do something just for the heck of it.
• 10:39
  Speaker: Because joy is what brings us back to life.
• 10:45
  Speaker: It reconnects us to what's true because at our core, I believe we're simply creators and everyone's creation is meant to be unique.
• 10:54
  Speaker: We were never meant to color safely inside the lines.
• 10:57
  Speaker: To choose only what feels socially acceptable or guaranteed to succeed that is not living.
• 11:05
  Speaker: And if that old voice shows up, the one that says, you're not ready, or you'll sound foolish, meet it with a little compassion.
• 11:14
  Speaker: That voice was simply trying to keep you safe.
• 11:17
  Speaker: But know that it was never meant to be in charge of your whole life.
• 11:22
  Speaker: And if you're still listening to this episode, you're ready to move past these limits, and I'm excited to walk this journey with you as we explore the lies our inner critic tells and how to lovingly transform those voices.
• 11:37
  Speaker: Thank you for spending this time with me.
• 11:40
  Speaker: I am really glad you're here.
• 11:42
  Speaker: If this has stirred something in you.
• 11:44
  Speaker: Share it with someone who might need the same nudge.
• 11:47
  Speaker: We're not meant to walk this path alone.
• 11:50
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, and this is Banish The Lies.
• 11:53
  Speaker: Until next time, be kind to yourself because even the smallest act of self-compassion can begin to change everything.
• 12:02
  Speaker: Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies.
• 12:10
  Speaker: If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in.
• 12:14
  Speaker: And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too.
• 12:16
  Speaker: Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them.
• 12:20
  Speaker: I'm Tanya Trioni, and until next time, be kind to yourself.
• 12:25
  Speaker: And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.