Latest / The Hauraki Big Show / OUTRO: The Skit

Transcript

OUTRO: The Skit · The Hauraki Big Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You guys ready to go?
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah man, for all you med bastards loving the Big
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Show podcast Get up even Closer.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: On Instagram, YouTube and TikTok for doggies for to seven
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Every weekday on radio.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: On Today, Fillersgbone Hello, Hello, how's everyone going good? He great?
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Great things? Man?
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: Excellent?
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Man, you're fucking excellent. Why are you excellent?
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: Because I've got this Friday off.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Oh that's right, You're going away golf tournament.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, really, yeah, I can't wait.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: It's gonna be exciting. And then next week I've got
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Friday off again because we've got a magic round. Yeah, man,
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: fucking how good man, I'm.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Very excited about it. Actually, I can't wait. I actually
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: am about what going to Brizzy.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Oh you're saying keys again away for a golfing.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: I mean I'm pretty excited about that as well.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: I don't know why you'd be excited, just that Pugstun'll
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: be coming, you know.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: I don't want to get onto the whole golf chat now.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: He's playing a tournament three straight games and actual fat.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: My wife said to me today, what's happened with your goalf?
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: And did you say, oh, I've still got a membership
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: and can easily go out and play whenever I want.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not the same when you're by yourself.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: You don't have to be by yourself. You know a
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: lot of people that play golf. There's Jeremy Corbett, There's
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: a whole bunch of different people. But you make no effort,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: do you so.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Well Corby, as he says, gets bored after like six.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Holes, But you have never gone out and play where
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: you haven't payed with them for over twenty years. If
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: you have it all, not with a shot.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I don't know that I ever have. Actually, Yeah, and
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: he's not really Maniah he It.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: Would just be weird just you and Meniah there.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because we have quite a sort.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Of combative racist relationship.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Well just tenuous, right, you know, he like him. He
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: takes offense at some of the things I say.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Right, the racist stuff, mainly mostly.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: The racist stuff.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: But you know, yeah, it is interesting because he doesn't
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: go and play golf either.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: No.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: No, it's like everyone just for me to text and
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: be like, hey, do you want to go play golf?
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Well that's actually isn't it. That's actually not true because
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: I'll text you and you'll go jas can you not
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: pressure me about golf?
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: There is that you know what I mean?
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: And it's like, I'm not pressuring you, man, I'm just
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: asking well.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: To be honest.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: I'm free to play golf this Thursday, but I didn
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: have three games of gol Friday, Saturday and Sunday practice.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you want to get your ship game out.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Of the No you don't.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: You do not want to do that, You'll be I'll
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: be golfed out right, all golfed out, mog you heard
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: that saying.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Nah, I don't move in the right circles?
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Well, would you come and play with me, magie?
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: No, you could take the laptop round and do it.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I would, I would, actually, Jane, Yeah, okay I would.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: I will book kill in.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, good, yeah, I would. I've got to start doing that,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: so let's do that.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, good, good, there you go, Keysy, You've got another
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: date now. I don't need you, man.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: Sweet, I can't wait to see what you guys get
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: up to.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Is hating this?
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: I think it will happen.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Probably.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: It's probably fair Thursday for you, man.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Thursday is really good, mogie great.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I was like, what does that mean?
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Old book a t time. It like sixth eighty in
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: the morning or something like that. You know, we get
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: a good start to the day. Oh blaze right, Okay,
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: my wife's dole a new job. Yes today today.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: It's a good thing.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: It's a great thing. Yeah, it's a really good thing. Yes,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: it's good to live on two incomes. Tell about compared
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: to one in came especially when she makes more money
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: than me. Yeah, you know you know what I mean, Phils, Yes,
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: I do know what you mean. I'm we're about to
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: be a one income family. You are you're in deep
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: ship Yeah, you're up ship creek pedal, but your home pedal.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: I've made some good I've made some good investments and
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: I've got my dog squad money.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: When does that run out?
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: By the way, what I just doesn't ever seem to
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Keyzy must.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Be about Judah get another season or some kind of acting.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: You've been in the dold room.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: No, it's it's all over the old dog squad in
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: the front Feller's come on, she's.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Got a limp, limpy McGee, what is something wrong.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: With She's not allowed to have a limp.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: You can't someone that's got a limp.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: First of all, noting anyway she's walking. I was, and
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: then I was like, oh wow, she's limping. Yeahs, anyway,
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: what do you call that?
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Keyzy? There a sketch. I always wanted to do a sketch,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: always wanted to do for a TV show.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: But now you couldn't drawing or right, okay, have someone
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: with a funny walk.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, the street. It was back in the day
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: when these things would have been acceptable, right, yes, and
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: now you wouldn't be able to well I can't quite
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: remember it, but it would be those a woman. There's
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: a woman and she's carrying a really heavy suitcase and
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: she's really struggling with it. But she's an absolute stunner,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: like the one that you just can't take your eyes off,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: the one you're not even listening to me, Joe's look
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: at them. There's nothing on going going on, my man. Anyways,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: she's sort of struggling along the street. She's got a
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: suitcase full of bricks, and she walks it all the
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: way up to the old light sat across the road.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: She's really struggling with the barstard there and she puts
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: it down and the sky and sees it's that holy yeah. Girl,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: might ask her if she wants me to give her
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: a hand and she doesn't. There's no talking in it.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: So it goes over and he's like you and she's like, oh,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: you know, that'd be great, and then the light tune
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: is green to walk and he pecks up the suitcase.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: At the moment he picks it up, he realized there's
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: actually nothing in it, and then she walks off. AM
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Now twenty years ago, that'll be fine, but Pegs doesn't
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: like it.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: The whole racky Big Show week days from four on
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Radio Hurarchy.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: They big show, but cast.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: Weirdly enough, I've suddenly been inundated with comedy skits on
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: Instagram that back in the day we're fine but wouldn't
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: fly today.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Because of your algorithm you found them.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't know why I got seen them, you know,
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: just really old school, sort of sexist, slightly racist.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Kind of stuff.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know why I'm suddenly given yea, some of
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: it's very.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Fun, that's the thing, isn't it.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: Yes, there's a funny British old Matthew Berry skitch that
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: I thought you were going down the same line there.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: There's that one where they're always got a boyfriend.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so he's happy to help, and then like this
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: one's for me, and then my boyfriend's just over there.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: He just goes, fuck you and throws the trail and
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: walks off. So he'll only help until he finds out
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: a boyfriend. Right, ye, delivering the boyfriend and help.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: I saw one of those. She had a fish bowl. Yeah,
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: that's right, moving.
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: In.
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's my boyfriend's fish smash.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Ship fellas. Anyway, that's my one sketch idea. I've got
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I like it. Okay, let's do it.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Okay. I don't think people would be offended by that. Well,
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, there's always going to be someone that's offended by.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: You know, how would you do it? Maybe if it
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: was the same sex relationship and it was two men,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: maybe yes, yes, that might be accept or maybe I
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: think more so, I think nobody. I don't think anybody
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: would complain about the problem is you can't have somebody
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: that's uh, what do you call it? Differently? I think
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: you can have differently. Why can't you have them? That's
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: a shocking thing to say.
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: Come on, I thought, I my god, don't start this.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: It's not the fault.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: Is your wife working again? Does that mean Moggi's on lunches.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Moggi's on lunches. And now I'll tell you what. I
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: tell you what's been happening as well. We've been having
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: a lovely time because we put the brakes on all
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: of our spending because we haven't been drinking this year anyway.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: So that's hundreds of dollars a week. Hundreds. Seriously, I
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: would say hundreds. Wow, Okay, if I'm drinking, it's hundreds
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: of dollars a week. Yes, I think that's right, because
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: then you always end up going out for dinner one
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: day that you fucked hundreds of dollars, right, do you
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? Though not for me, but right, no, No,
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: But we go out and there'll be a group of
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: us and we sort of go out for three if
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: you get a bunch of mates together for a few
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: hours exactly, and it just that's that's where it ends up.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: I think it's there.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I think, wow, what's too much?
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: We had some massive bills over a nassy, yes, because
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: part of the family was drinking and they were boyfriends
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: and and it was like, oh, that's get up there.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: Fucking makes a huge difference.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: But the other thing that's happened is so we haven't
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: been buying it. We haven't been gone out, we haven't
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: been drinking, been really tightening the belt in between jobs.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: It's just been good. I like a belt tightened, yes,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: And that's what that's also mean, as there's been no
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: packages just arriving willy nilly right, online shopping, online shopping.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Well today one turned out today one bang, we've got
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: a job. Bang, we're ordering sha work working. But to
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: be fear, I ordered a whole bunch of T shirts.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: This is one of them.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Oh wow, it's indistinguishable from your old ones.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: It is slightly different, but it's a silky T shirt.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: It's a bit of cat chase. Yes, it's an Australian brand, Keezy.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: You'd love them many And this one was called something
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: like something like along the lines of lunch Bible or
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: something like that. And that's it's a recipe book for
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: making your kid lunch right, And I've got a problem
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: with that because there's the internet. Yeah.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: Also, you don't seem to have any issues making your
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: kid lunch.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: I don't have any issues because because she doesn't eat
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: any of it. So there's no point me spending any
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: time on recipes, knowing full well that she won't eat
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: any of it. But my wife likes the idea of
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: trying to give her nutritional food, but she doesn't want it,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: and she's always trying to sneak in like spinach and
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: fucking hemp hats and she has seeds and all that,
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: and my daughter can smell it from a mile away
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: and she just will not eat it. But so anyway,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: that shoulds. But it's a good balance, isn't it. Because
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: my wife kears and tries and I don't don't.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: But it's good though, because you provide the sort of
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: leveling out and she provides.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: She's striving to be better and dragging her down and
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: making her life. You're an she would be flying, yes,
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: but she she should be throwing with eagles, as I say,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: but instead she's down in a doulgeps lot mode with
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: the turkeys. I think that it's hard to fly with
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: It used to do my head, and you know, you'd
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: see these ads for healthy lunches for your kids, and
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: it's like that's all very well and good. My kid's
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: not going to eat that, that's right, will not eat
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: that ship.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: It was like my bag. It would stay there forever.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: I had fucking shrewsbrees down the bottom, glad wrapped might
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: sandwich delicious, But I just wouldn't eat. I just wasn't hungry. Yeah,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I'd just be playing, Yeah right, playing too busy playing man,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: do a little bit of playing too busy, jacking it
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: a bit of plan is doing a bit of wooden
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: laptop as a kid.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: Well, I might do sushi fellas.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: You got time, mate, Oh yeah, I was thinking about
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: the same man.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Look at that fellas in love. Hey, this is the
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: big show four or seven weekdays radio heard here. And
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: I didn't mean what I said about differently able
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: To maybe put a disclaimer at the front the paksa
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: It's fine.