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Depeche Mode: Pleasure, Pain, Death, and Resurrection · DISGRACELAND

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Disgraceland is a production of Double Elvis. This is the
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: story about machines, about eyeliner and ecstasy, synthesizers, and subversion.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: This is a story about how one of the softest
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: looking bands in pop music became one of the hardest
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: to kill, and about how their front man went from
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: a teen dream pin up to a clinically dead junkie
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: on the bathroom floor of a West Hollywood hotel. This
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: is a story about addiction, about stigma, about the line
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: between pleasure and pain, and about death and resurrection. And
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: this is a story about depeche Mode, a band that
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: made great music, unlike that clip I played for you
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: at the top of the show that wasn't great music.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: That was preset loop from my melotron called Gothic Goatee MK.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Two.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I played you that loop because I can't afford the
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: rights to the Crossroads by Bone Thugs and Harmony. And
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: why would I play you that specific slice of Reaper
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: on the Mountaintop Cheese? Could I afford it? Because that
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: was the number one song in America on May twenty eighth,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: nineteen ninety six, And that was the day that Dave Gahan,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: lead singer for depeche Mode overdosed, flatlined, and spent two
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: minutes on the other side before dramatically coming.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Back to life.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: On this episode, since sex Stigmas, Speedballs, Salvation and depeche Mode,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I'm Jake Brennan in this this disgrace, Lady. A giche
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: is a kind of piercing that one gets in one's perineum.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: You may know the perineum by its more colloquial name,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: the taint. You know, Tine is Dick Tina's ass. A
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: giche is not to be confused with the Prince Albert,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: which is a ring or a barbell that is pierced
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: into the head of the penis.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: But now I'm getting off track.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: The guiche piercing procedure, as you can probably imagine, it
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: is quite painful. You must get on all fours with
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: the one doing the piercing sitting directly behind you, and
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: when the needle goes into that tender piece of flesh.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: For a dude at least, it feels like someone has
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: just kicked you in the balls with a peristeel toed boots.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Guiche piercings hurt like hell, and then, according to those
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: who get them, like Depeche modes Dave Gahan, the pain
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: eventually turns to pleasure, just like the pain and pleasure
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: that lurked in the subtext of great Depeche Mode songs
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: like Master and Servant. Also quite like the pain Dave
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: experienced when he was written off as some teen magazine
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: electro pop flavor of the week, only to experience pleasure
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: when he proved himself more dangerous, more subversive, and more
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: rock and roll than anyone could have imagined. But Dave
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Gahan wasn't feeling pain or pleasure at the moment in
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: his perennium or anywhere else for that matter, because Dave
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Gahan was dead. Years of abuse of an unshakable addiction
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: to shooting junk, to doing cocaine had all led to
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: this inevitable end. The Depeche Mode front man's tattooed body,
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: blue and cold, lay flat.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: And motionless on a hospital bed.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: It was shortly after two o'clock in the morning on
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: May twenty eighth, nineteen ninety six. The staff at Cedar
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: Sinai and Los Angeles were ready to call it. I
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: think we lost him, one of the doctors said. Another
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: doctor was wiping the sweat from his brow, and Dave Gahan,
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: only thirty four years old, had no pulse and no
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: signs of life. Earlier that evening, Dave Gahan was headed
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: toward the point in overturn. He settled his bar tab
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: at the Sunset Marquis Hotel in West Hollywood and made
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: his way back to his room. On his arm was
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: a beautiful woman that he just met. Following closely behind,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: like a dark shadow, was his dealer. Inside his room,
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Dave told the woman to hang tight. He stepped into
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: the bathroom, and that dark shadow followed. Out of a
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: small bag with a zipper, came the goods, the only
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: thing Dave really wanted tonight, even more than the beautiful
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: woman who was on the other side of the bathroom door,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: currently reapplying her makeup. The dealer prepped the speedball. This
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: right here, this is called red rum. Do some of
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: this and you'll be shining like Danny fucking Torrents. Dave
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: took the syringe and stuck it into his flesh. The
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: needle broke the skin, and Dave ran down the plunger
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: and the junk rocketed into his blood stream, and he
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: was sent sword toward the very specific sense of euphoria
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: that he felt the very first time that he shot
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: heroin and had yet to reach again. This time, though
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: he was getting closer, he just had to hang on
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: a little longer. You could see it, taste it high
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: and teased him, and then he was out. All one
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: hundred pounds, give or take of Dave Kahan's junkie body
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: came crashing down onto the bathroom tile. The dealer had
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: seen this kind of thing before, even with smack heavyweights.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: He gave Dave's face a slap. Nothing, come on, Dave,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: he said, giving a few more wax with the back
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: of his hand, and still nothing. He shook Dave's lifeless body.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: Fuck.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Dave wasn't here, man, and the dealer grabbed Dave by
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: the lapels and burst out of the bathroom, dragging the
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: body across the floor. And the girl in the bedroom
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: took one look at Dave's sweaty body in the track
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: marks and his hands starting to lose color, and she freaked.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: She nearly knocked the phone off the bedside table when
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: she grabbed the receiver, Her hand shook uncomfortably as she
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: began to dial nine one one, and the dealer saw
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: this and dropped Day's body. It was on the girl instantly,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: he slapped the receiver out of her hand and hung
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: it up. What the fuck did she think she was doing?
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Nine to one one the fucking police, No way. The
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: girl fought back, She pushed, she shoved, she kicked and screamed,
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: and the dealer got annoyed and bounced. Problem was hers now,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: and the girl died nine one one once more. Fifteen
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: minutes later, paramedics were strapping Dave Gahan's lifeless body onto
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: a gurney and loading him into an ambulance bound for
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Cedar Sinai, one and a half miles away. They weren't
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: surprised at who they were looking at. Famous in these parts,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: all right, and not just for his music. At the hospital,
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: a team of doctors worked to bring him back to life,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: and they performed chess compressions and ready to defibrillator, and
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: that's when Dave Gahan's heart stopped. He flat lined. Here
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: was a guy who once wore his toughness on his
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: sleeve and his music, a guy who went from pain
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: to pleasure of time and again, pushing past being pigeonholed
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: creatively and pushing through a debilitating addiction and through a
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: piercing in his taint, a guy who is now, by
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: any in all measures dead. Six years earlier, on March twentieth,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: nineteen ninety, the streets of Los Angeles were overrun with
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: Depeche Mode fans, seventeen thousand people to be exact, stretching
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: out for fifteen city blocks down Los Sianco Boulevard. It
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: was merely a fraction of the nearly seventy thousand who's
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: shown up at the Rose Bowl in nearby Pasadena two
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: years prior, but that was the final show of the
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: van's first true American tour. In this was a record
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: release signing for Violator Depeche mode seventh studio album. And
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: in this case, it's not like a niche audience was
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: showing up for a niche band. It wasn't just girls
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: and leather jackets and cut off shirts anymore, or guys
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: with kraftwork by way of Jean Vincent fashion sense. It
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: was Sportos, Motorheads, slots, bloods, waisteoys, Threevies, and dickheads. Every
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: sub click of late eighties era American teenager was in attendance.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Grown Up America, Square America, Crosby Stills in Whoever the
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Fuck America. Those people didn't know who or what the
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: pesche mode was. They didn't know what to make of
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: the UK band's recent single Person of Jesus, the one
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: with the twangy spaghetti Western guitar motif, the swaggering beat,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: the sweaty sounding breathing, and the call to action to
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: reach out and touch faith, the song that freaked my
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: mother out when she caught me watching it on MTV
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: one afternoon. For reasons that I still can't understand, Square
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: America didn't know how Personal Jesus was actually connected to
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: the past, to their music, to rock and roll history,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: or how the band's primary songwriter, Martin Gore conceived of
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: him after reading Priscilla Presley's memoir Elvis and Me. Square America,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: the Young and Restless America, Macho Fucko America could hardly
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: fathom how in nineteen ninety this was a new kind
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: of Beatlemania, and tonight the human gridlock swallowing up the
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: entire street in LA was about to turn into a riot.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: It was nine pm. The latest single from Violator, Enjoy
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: the Silence, would cross over and hit number eight on
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: the Billboard Hot one hundred in just a month's time.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Right now, that song was thundering from speakers outside the Warehouse,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: the music store that was hosting tonight's meet and greet.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: A limo rolled down La Sienega. Girls screamed at it
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: while the dudes used their bodies to try to stop it.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: But when it finally did come to a halt, the
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: limo was directly in front of the warehouse. The back
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: door opened and outstepped Dave Kahan, Martin Gore, and Depeche Modes,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: two keyboardists Alan Wilder and Andrew Fletcher aka Fletch, who
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: were hustled inside by the security detail. Just a glance
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: at the quartet and suddenly it was bedlam on the block.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Thousands of kids surged from the street towards the store,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: their bodies pressed up against the giant glass windows. Some
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: climbed trees or TV news vans to get a better look.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Thousands more took to the Beverly Centers the street, racing
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: to the top floors of the structure to lean over
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: the balconies for a bird's eye view. As security guards
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: struggled to maintain order. Ahalanx of lapd and full rioty
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: is steadily closed in marching in tight unison down La Sienaga.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: One hundred cops strong called in to protect and serve
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: in moments of extreme danger and right now. On March twentieth,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: nineteen ninety, the day they released their album Violator, depeche
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Mode were the most dangerous thing going. But back in
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: nineteen eighty one, when they'd released their debut album, depeche
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Mode were anything but dangerous. They weren't even a band.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: They were a joke. Let me explain. If you came
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: of age in the nineteen eighties and you were into
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: alternative music or college rock or whatever we were calling it,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: then then you knew about this band called KMFDM, even
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: if you didn't listen to them. KMFDM were a German
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: industrial band, and their name was an acronym for you're
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: gonna have to forgive my pronunciation here kine meier hate
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: fur d might lade, which translates to no pity for
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: the majority. But nobody, and I mean nobody knew what
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: KMFDM actually stood for. We all thought it meant kill
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: motherfucking depeche Mode. Why because Depeche Mode were an affront
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: to real bands using real instruments. Where were the guitars?
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Where were the drums? Was all synthesizers, It was all machines.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: It was soulless, dead inside music. The pop equivalent of
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: five construction workers standing around a hole while one guy
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: did all the digging, as a UK magazine Melody Maker
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: noted in the review of the band's Jaunt nineteen eighty
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: one debut single just Can't Get Enough I can you will?
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: At least that was the thinking anyway. In reality, Depeche
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Mode thought of themselves as the opposite. They were punks
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: from Basildon, the town just outside London. The synthesizer was
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: like Johnny Ramones mos wright guitar or Paul simonon smashed
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: p bass. It was diy, It was rough and tumble
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: and it was novel. With a few synthesizers, you could
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: be in a proper band, but eliminate the age old
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: hassle of busting your sorry asked, lugging equipment and all
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: that other share around night after night. But although they
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: modeled themselves as a poppier version of experimental noise bands
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: like Einstraden Neubaden in Australia's SBK, the latter, which eate
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: raw sheep brains on stage during a show. Depeche Mode
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: was misunderstood by the pop cogniscente as disposable synthetic garbage.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: At least Duran Durand played instruments.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Again. This was the thinking, anyway.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: That was before the group's original co founder and lead songwriter,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: Vince Clark abruptly left around the time their first album,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Speaking Spell, was released in the fall.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: Of nineteen eighty one.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: It was before Fletch and Alan Wilder began to find
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: new ways to make their machine sound more human. It
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: was before Martin Gore stepped up to fill that songwriting
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: void and began to deliver songs that were darker and
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: more provocative.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: And more subversive.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Songs like people Are People, blasphemous rumors, black celebration, and
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: the aforementioned Master and Servant, songs about s and m
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: songs about God's supposed sixth sense of humor, songs about
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: death and with a killer.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Beat to boom.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: And it was before Music for the Masses, Depeche Mode's
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: sixth album in as many.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Years, that was released in nineteen eighty seven.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: The title was meant to be tongue in cheek, but
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: wound up becoming the band's biggest record to date. Ditto
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: for the US tour the following that once malign synthpop
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: sound was now selling out ninety five percent of the
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: seats at the enormous Rose Bowl, an epic final show
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: which veteran rock and roll documentary filmmaker Da Pennebaker turned
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: into the most excellent concert film one oh one all
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: of It, leading to this Violator a smash upon its release,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: already out selling chart mainstays Madonna and Prince.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: It also helped that.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: It was the first Depeche Mode record to prominently feature
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Martin Gore's guitar, which helped bridge the gap between the
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: mainstream and the goth electropop world from which they emerged.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: But Violator was more than another record. Violator was vindication.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: From inside his safe spot in the warehouse, seated at
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: a long table with a black sharpie in his hand,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: a parade of fans streaming by with records and posters
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: to sign, Dave Gahan was all smiles. He watched an
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: awe as seventeen thousand people shut down traffic in one
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: of the busiest spots in La all for his band,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: and then awe turned to fear as the giant panes
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: of glass began to buckle from all the bodies pressing.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Up against them.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Muffled screams could be heard outside as the riot police
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: moved in on the crowd and the red lights of
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: ambulances rolling in to take injured fans to the hospital. Now,
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Depeche Mode's manager was frantic trying to get their attention. Boys,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: We need to go now. It was ten pm and
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: the event was scheduled to go until midnight, but LAPD
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: was shutting the whole thing down. Square America wanted their
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: streets back. Dave, Martin, Allen and Fletch whisked into their
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: stretch job.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: Waiting outside, the.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Crowd was ecal parts, confused and angry. So bottles, bricks,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: anything people could get their hands on were now flying.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: Through the air.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: They were the LAPDS problem now, and the LAPD dealt
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: with that problem swiftly and efficiently. It cost the city
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: of Los Angeles eighteen thousand dollars to pay for one
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: hundred plus riot police. But when the dust settled, the
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: city went looking for someone to foot the bill, whether
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: that was the warehouse or caro Q the local alternative
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: radio station that promoted the event. Depeche Mode were long
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: gone by the time Warehouse poned up the cash. Not
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: that the band was concerned about price tags. Not at
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: this moment. They were riding high on that vindication feeling.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Their limo faded away into that March evening, so did
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: the stigma that had followed them since the beginning. Something
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: else was about to take its place, a crossover success
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: fame and Dave Gahan's transformation from synthpop joke to an
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: honest to god rock star, a transformation that.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: Would kill We'll be right back after this. We're were were.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: The World Violation Tour was massive, eighty eight shows on
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: four continents over the course of six months, sold out
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: stadiums from New York to Texas to California. Eddie Murphy,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Sylvester Stallone, You Two's Bono, just a few of the
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: pop culture luminaries on the guest list backstage. This was
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: nineteen ninety, the same year that Madonna rocked the piny
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: Cone bra on her Blonde Ambition tour, and also the
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: year the Rolling Star Stone Steel Wheels Tour. The Stones
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: had once been the avatars of dangerous but now they
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: were just going through the corporate machinations. The Stones didn't
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: shock or offend anymore, not in nineteen ninety. Depeche Mode,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: on the other hand, as popular as they were becoming,
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: still gun under the skin walking down some suburban street
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: in America. Eddie cochrane hair fingernails painted, black leather jackets
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: over bear chest. Martin Gore, in address the androgynist rockabilly
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: goth vibe of it all, elicited more than one homophobic
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: slur from passing pickup trucks. In fact, Alan Wilder said
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: in a Rolling Stone interview from this very time that
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: he'd been called that slur at least twenty times so
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: far that day alone, and Alan was one of the
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: more conservatively addressed in the group. Depeche Mode did what
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: rock and roll does, real rock and roll. They were provocative,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: They challenged the accepted norms. They pissed people off. Then
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: they did it jam cono style in the process, just
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: a handful of synthesizers and samplers, smart and Gore's gretch
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: white Falcon guitar and Dave Gahan's rock Stars stance. Powered
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: by pure adrenaline and also by.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: The ecstasy they took each night.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: After the show, Dave in particular went deep into what
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: he understood was the rock star's duty.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: You didn't cut your hair short.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Wear a crop top, pasted out T shirt, and flap
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: your arms like some old horn dog rooster, as Mick
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Jagger was now doing at forty seven years old. By
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: the way, Mick Jaggers shouldn't even be alive at forty
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: seven years old. Where were the real ones? Dave Gahan
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: wanted to know, the ones that burned out and didn't
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: fade away, the ones who died before they got old.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: The Jimmy's, the janicis the Jimbos. They were long gone
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: and the void they left behind was huge. So when
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: the World Violation Tour ends, your sole purpose is to
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: fill that void. You leave your wife and child in
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: London because London is over. La is where it's at,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: and that's where rock stars are not only dead but undead,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: roaming the wet streets of Hollywood Boulevard at night like vampires.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: So you move to la.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Only without your wife and child, but with your new
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: girlfriend who used to be your publicist, and you let
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: your hair go long, you grow a go tea, you
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: get wings, tattooed on your back, an old Celtic symbol
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: meant to ward off evil. If evil notices, it doesn't care.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: You think some ink on your back is going to
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: hold the forces of fucking darkness at bay.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: Who are you kidding? You don't even care either.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Long nights of popping e turn into endless days of
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: shooting junk. You fix in dressing rooms and bathrooms in
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: your favorite place of all, the Blue Room, a small
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: room in your house where you can shoot up alone
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: if you lose way In Back on the road with
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Depeche Mode for the biggest tour of your life. You
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: can feel yourself getting weaker. You require daily cortisol shots
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: just to get your ass on stage. Had a show
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: in Indianapolis. You jump into the audience, cracking two ribs
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: and suffering internal hemorrhaging in the process. You have a
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: drug induced heart attack while performing in New Orleans, and
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: back home you wake up on your dealer's long, strung
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: out half naked. Your wallet gone, your silver watch gone,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: your jewelry gone. You waste time and rehab only to
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: return home and find more things missing. The whole place
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: has been cleaned out. Your Harley's, your TV, your stereo,
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: you're recording equipment, all of it scattered throughout pawnshops in
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: the Greater LA area. And then Kurt Kobine of all people.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, the guy didn't even want to be a
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: rock star, but he did it. Man, he went ahead
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: and beat you at your own fucking game, beat you
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: to the punch, which makes you a loser, so unrock
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: and roll. But you're not one to be beaten. You're
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: just as dark and dangerous and mysterious and depressed as Kurt.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: You can prove it, just like.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Depeche Mode proof to the world that they were tougher
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: than anyone ever dreamed with Violator. So you dim lights,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: you shoot up, chase some valume with a bottle of wine,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: call your mom on the phone, and then slash your
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: wrists with a razor blade. Dave Gahan woke up screaming.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: His head was swimming and Jesus Christ, his wrists were burning.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: Paramedics were on either side of him, violently stitching up
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: his bloody two inch lacerations with no anesthetic, not even
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: to fucking stick the bite down.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: On the indignity of it.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: All, the strait jacket and the padded room. That followed
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: the revelation that under local law in Los Angeles, technically
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: he committed a crime by trying to end his life.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: But why did he do it? That's what everyone wanted
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: to know. Of course, why let him all ask? Wasn't
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: his job to explain. It was his job to play
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: the role of.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: The rock god.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: And rock gods didn't explain, and they sure shit didn't
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: accept any help. That was the paradox of the thing.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Rock Stars did not get help because getting help was
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: admitting weakness, and weakness was defeat. Rock Stars pushed the
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: envelope till the sharp edges dug in between their fingers
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: sliced him open. Rock Stars bled. A few days later,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: Dave checked out of the hospital, his own wounds no
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: longer bleeding and now wrapped in gauze. As soon as
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: he did so, he was a known quantity to three
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: very specific segments of the population. To music fans, he
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: was the tattooed, long hair and the leather vest, virtually
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: unrecognizable from the baby face kid who's saying that Peppi
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: confection just can't get enough all those years ago. To
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: tabloid junkies, he was a beautiful fuck up, a self
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: fulfilling prophecy that made you feel better about your own
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: shitty life while reading the paper in the morning, and
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: to the degenerate underworld of drug dealers, dopers, and thieves,
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: the people he hung with the most outside of the band.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: Now that his addiction had isolated him from friends and.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: Family, Dave Gahan was a liability.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: His little stunt with the razor blade put a bullseye
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: on his back.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: Everyone was watching.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Him, the cops press no drug pusher was stupid enough
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: to navigate to the nice part of town to the
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: famous rock stars Kushpat, only to get clocked by paparazzi
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: or worse, so Dave was forced to start making the
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: trek to them if he wanted to score. With the
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: thirty eight stuffed out his pants, wondering what was around
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: the next dark corner, or who he'd find inside the
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: crackdown that night, attics and varying states of zombification, skin
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: and bones, the only dress code, and the smell of
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: piss had puked there to guide you, like a ship
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: to port on the shores of hell. In this darkness, however,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: a beacon of light shone in the distance, Martin Gore
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: sent word that he was readying a new batch of
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: songs for the next Depeche Mode album, and the band
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: convened at Electric Lady Studios in New York City, barrow
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: away from Dave's cocoon of hard drugs. But Dave couldn't
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: stop California dreaming about the next La high. From the jump,
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: things seemed off because someone was missing. Alan Wilder down shifted,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: leaning his Mercedes.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: Convertible into a cur from the road.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: The car handled like a dream as the beauty of
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: the Scottish Highlands came into view. Up ahead on the
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: lush green horizon, military jets were flying low tornadoes, specifically
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: RAF Royal Air Force. They came in fast, their engines
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: burning hot, and as they streaked past the car, the
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: sound was deafening, especially since Alan had the top down.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Alan's girlfriend shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat, and Alan
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: stayed the course and tried to enjoy their leisurely drive.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: But before too long, the sound of jet engines were
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: up on them again, and this time from behind, and
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: they were getting louder now closer. Alan's girlfriend turned around
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: to look and screamed. One jet appeared to be out
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: of control, wobbling as it got near. And they came
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: up on another curve, and once again Alan downshifted and
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: focused on what he was doing, and the Mercedes steady
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: and strong. The jet noise was louder, now so loud
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: it was shaking the car. And that's when Alan looked up.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: The jet was directly overhead, not more than fifty feet
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: in the air.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: The heat, the noise, the sheer size of it.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Alan panicked. He turned the real hard and veered off
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: the road, slamming on the brakes. The plane immediately dropped
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: and crashing over the hillside, exploding on contact. A thick
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: plume of smoke shot up into the air, and the
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: smell of fuel.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: And fire was everywhere. Alan and his.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: Girlfriend were so close to the crash site that particles
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: and debris were now raining down on their heads. Worst
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: of all, Alan could see the bodies, the dead airmen,
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: the mangled and twisted flesh. After the shok war off,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Alan understood that he narrowly escaped death, truly if the
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: angle on that jet had been adjusted just slightly. Alan
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: told himself that he'd never fly again, which was going
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: to be difficult because he was a member of the
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: world class band Depeche Mode, and traveling by playing was
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: kind of a huge part of the gig. Alan had
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: always been the new guy in the band, even more
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: than a decade in. He joined in nineteen eighty two
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: after the departure of original member Vince Clark. He was
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: a session guy, extremely talented on SyncE and keyboards, but
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: he quickly learned that there were many cooks in Depeche
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: modes on a kitchen, and unlike a traditional rock band
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: with wholly unique roles based drums, guitar, etc. Alan, Martin,
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: and Fletch were all working with the same electronic instruments.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: As such, creative tension became a big part of the process.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: One good thing about the sessions First of Faith and Devotion,
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: the follow up to Violator, was that they mixed things up.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Martin was playing his guitar moar and Andy got behind
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: the drum kit on I Feel You, a woozy, totally
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: sexy track that took the bluesy personal Jesus template and
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: turned it into the electronic psychedelia. But Dave's addiction kept
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: getting in the way, as was Martin's toxic combination of
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: alcohol and stress, which it made him susceptible to Grandma seizures.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Add to that the strange choice not to all live
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: together as a band while recording the album, and Alan
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: was irritated more days than not. The frustration, the plain thing,
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: whatever you want to blame it on. Alan was out
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: back in New York City. In May of nineteen ninety six,
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: Depeche Mode, now a trio, struggled to get their new
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: record together. It's not that things were impossible without Alan,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: Dave was cagy. His drug use had done a number
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: not just on his body but on his voice. They
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: brought in a vocal coach to help, and it just
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: felt like work. It was no longer dangerous, no longer
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: the kind of shit that made life livable, the danger
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: of Depeche Mode, or the danger that used to be
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Depeche Mode. It was no competition for the danger of
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: an La speedball, And so, like Allan before him, Dave
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Gahan got up and left.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Caught. The next plane headed.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: West, checked into the Sunset Marquee in West Hollywood, fixed
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: in his hotel suite's bathroom, collapsed on his hotel suite's
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: bathroom floor, and about twenty minutes later while trying to
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: be revived by doctors that Cedar Sinai died. As soon
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: as his heart stopped, Dave Gahan found himself floating above
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: his own unresponsive body. At first, he thought, well, damn,
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: he'd actually done it. Finally found his way back to
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: that feeling of pure euphoria that he'd been chasing for years.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: But wherever he was now in the air and the
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: ether no longer earthly matter, pure consciousness or subconsciousness. This
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: place was far from u fork. He was surrounded by
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: total blackness. He was in the grip of fear of
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: death and decay, avoid of pain and suffering that was
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: trying to erase him entirely. It terrified him. He tried
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: to focus on his body below, but the image was
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: starting to fade. The blackness was winning. Hey, he yelled,
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: I'm up here, and no one could hear him. The
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: doctors just kept working, doing everything in their power to
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: bring Dave back. Two minutes passed, two minutes in which
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Dave Kahan was clinically dead, two minutes of floating on
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: the ceiling in a black abyss, staring down at himself.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: And then as.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: The doctors kept working and as Dave fought against whatever
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: forces were trying to keep him in their grip. He
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: found himself pulled as if trapped in a tractor beam
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: in a sci fi movie, suddenly headed earthbound and violently
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: thrust through his skin and back inside his own body.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: Dave Gahan could hear the steady beat of his heart,
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: of the monitor. He opened his eyes, his hand was
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: cuffed to a hospital bed that a cop.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Was reading him his rights.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: He was overwhelmed with gratitude to be out of the
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: darkness and in the light. He was the answer to
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: the question he'd asked all those years ago, where were
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: the real rock stars?
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: Well there was one right here, back from.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: The dead, chained to a cheap hospital bed, charged booked
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: and then shipped to a cramp cell in county, and
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: finally given the clarity to see that he had an
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: opportunity to do something different, to clean up, to start again,
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: to creatively challenge himself in depeche mode, and to do
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: so for the next three decades in counting. Gone was
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: the stigma of the rock star, and Dave Gahan knew
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: something about stigmas. You escape from under that, and you
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: escape being forever disgrace.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Stuff. I'm Jake Brennan.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: And this is Disgraceland. All right, thanks for checking out
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: this episode of Disgraceland on depeche Mode. You know one
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: thing we didn't talk about at all in this story
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: is Johnny Cash is incredible cover of Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Just an unlikely cover. But you wouldn't expect Johnny Cash
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: to cover depeche Mode. And that's the question of the week.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: Which unlikely cover song is your favorite? It can be
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: any artist covering any other artist, just has to be
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: something kind of out of left field that you would
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: not expect, like Johnny Cash covering depeche Mode. Hit me
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: up six one seven nine oh six six six three
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: eight with your answers to this week's question of the
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: week and leave me a voicemail semi a text, dm
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: me at Disgrace sampod on the Socials, Disgrace lampod at
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Go ahead and leave a review for
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: the show if you.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Want to help us grow.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: I'll see you guys in the next episode. Disgraceland was
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: created by Yours Truly. It is produced in partnership with
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Double Elvis, the Exactly Write Network and iHeart Podcasts. Credits
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: for this episode can be found on the show notes
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: page at disgracelampod dot com. If you're listening as a
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: Disgraceland All Access member, thank you for supporting the show.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: We really appreciate it, and if not, you can become
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: a member right now by going to disgracelampod dot com slash.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: Membership members can listen to every episode of disgracelan ad free,
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: rate and review the show, and follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: and Facebook at disgracelampod and on YouTube at YouTube dot
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: com slash at Disgracelandpod rock a rolla. He then