Latest / Cry It Out Loud: Navigating Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Infant Loss & Pregnancy After Loss / Healing in Harmony: Shelly Johnson on Grief, Healing Through Music & Faith
Transcript
- 0:10Crying Out Loud, a podcast by Chasing the Rainbows with your
- 0:18host Bernice Quisenberry. Welcome back to Cry It Out Loud,
- 0:27the podcast where we turn pain into power, one story at a time.
- 0:31I'm Bernice, and today we have someone truly special with us.
- 0:35Her voice that's moved thousands.
- 0:37A songwriter whose lyrics feel like they were written just for
- 0:40us, especially in our darkest moments.
- 0:42Shelly Johnson is a celebrated singer whose music doesn't just
- 0:46entertain at heels, but behind the spotlight is a story of deep
- 0:50loss and transformation. Today, Shelly will be sharing
- 0:53all about her personal experience through grief, how it
- 0:55shaped her music, and the songs that became life lines for her
- 0:58and for so many of us. So grab your tissues, take a
- 1:01deep breath, and join us for this powerful conversation.
- 1:04So hi, Shelly, thank you so much for joining us.
- 1:07Hi. Thank you so much for having me.
- 1:09It's an honor to be here. Well.
- 1:11It means so much to have you know your powerful voice and be
- 1:16able to share you know all about your lost journey with our
- 1:20listeners for them to, you know, hear who you are.
- 1:24Yeah, it's an honor. You know, God doesn't waste
- 1:26anything and he uses everything we go through.
- 1:29And I've found that he especially uses the really hard
- 1:33things we go through in the biggest ways.
- 1:35So it's an honor to get to share.
- 1:38Anytime I get to share some of my journey, it's always an honor
- 1:41to see God use that to bring just a small amount of healing
- 1:45to people's hearts and their own journeys.
- 1:48Thanks, Shelly. Well, and I was introduced to
- 1:50you, you know, through one of our survivor volunteers and
- 1:55through, you know, your music speaking and resonating to, you
- 1:59know, baby lost survivors around talking about these, you know,
- 2:04this type of traumatic grief and all of that.
- 2:07So I would love for you to share you know about yourself and your
- 2:11story with our. Listeners, yeah, absolutely,
- 2:14yeah. So I, you know, I grew up.
- 2:16I feel like I've something that I am really thankful for that
- 2:20I've realized as an adult that I think I probably took for
- 2:23granted as a child was just the, the family life that I got to
- 2:27grow up with. Just had two parents who really
- 2:30loved the Lord and loved each other and loved us.
- 2:33I have two older sisters. So I grew up in a family of
- 2:35three girls and we just had a really, you know, every family,
- 2:39every extended family has their family dramas and their
- 2:42challenges. And we definitely had those.
- 2:45But our core family unit, just of the five of us was just
- 2:48really loving and really caring. And I always knew that my
- 2:52parents loved me and loved each other and loved the Lord.
- 2:55And so I think that that was just such a foundation for my
- 2:58life and didn't realize until well into adulthood just how
- 3:03much of A foundation that was going to be.
- 3:06So yeah. So for me, you know, childhood,
- 3:08I have a lot of happy memories from my childhood.
- 3:11But when I was 13, my daddy was diagnosed with cancer just
- 3:16totally out of the blue. It really blindsided our family.
- 3:19He seemed to be a picture of health.
- 3:21He was in really good shape. He was fit.
- 3:24He was 45 years old. He was young.
- 3:25He was, you know, he just seemed like he was doing good.
- 3:28And then all of a sudden he wasn't and he just, they found
- 3:32tumors everywhere in his entire torso.
- 3:35Just really, really bizarre. And we went through all the
- 3:39treatments and all the things, but nothing really helped or
- 3:42made made a difference. And so I watched him battle
- 3:46cancer for nine months as a 13 year old girl.
- 3:49And for me, it was just really formative because, you know, he
- 3:53was my hero. He was the strong one in our
- 3:56family. He was the, you know, just
- 3:58always the one who could fix anything, tackle anything,
- 4:02conquer anything. And so the I remember the first
- 4:05time I ever saw him cry was during that season when he told
- 4:08us that he had cancer. And just watching him be broken
- 4:12and watching him literally just not just be broken emotionally,
- 4:16but to be broken physically. He was, you know, he exercised a
- 4:21lot. He was really fit and in shape
- 4:23and, and just watching him go through chemotherapy and cancer
- 4:26treatments and just what that does to the human body.
- 4:29And just, he, he went from being this really vibrant, healthy 45
- 4:34year old man to just literally being skin and bones and just
- 4:37watching your, your hero of your dad just wither away right
- 4:41before your eyes is it's really not words to describe, you know,
- 4:45the toll that that takes on a 13 year old girl's heart and, and
- 4:48mind and life. And, and so during that season
- 4:51that he was battling cancer, you know, music had always been my
- 4:54life, just my whole childhood, just playing piano and singing.
- 4:58But when my dad was battling cancer, I just really poured
- 5:02myself into my time with Jesus at the piano.
- 5:06And I just felt like I met Jesus behind my piano and I started
- 5:10playing and praying and writing songs.
- 5:12And I would just go sit at my piano.
- 5:13And it just became my sanctuary with the Lord where I would just
- 5:17pour my heart out and cry and just try to process all the
- 5:20emotions that I was dealing with.
- 5:22And I remember the night that he passed away, I was so devastated
- 5:27because I really believed that God was going to heal him.
- 5:30And I really was praying for God to answer that prayer of
- 5:33healing. And obviously he answered it
- 5:35eternally, but he didn't answer it the way that we hoped in
- 5:38healing him, healing his earthly body so that we could enjoy more
- 5:42time with him on earth. And I remember the night that he
- 5:46passed away, I was just so shocked and so devastated
- 5:49because I just really believed God was going to answer my
- 5:52prayer. And I couldn't believe that he
- 5:54didn't answer my prayer. And I just felt so devastated
- 5:58and disappointed and hurt. And I remember walking down to
- 6:01the piano where I had spent so many months, just pouring my
- 6:04heart out to the Lord. And I just remember I slammed
- 6:07the lid shut over the piano keys and I just sat there in silence,
- 6:11just looking out the window because I didn't know what to
- 6:14say to the Lord. I just had no words.
- 6:16And I just remember feeling His presence in that moment for the
- 6:20first time in my life. I had never experienced the
- 6:22presence of God until that moment.
- 6:25And it was this tangible. It was like he was sitting on
- 6:27the piano bench right next to me with his arm around me.
- 6:29And it was just this tangible presence that I knew the Lord
- 6:33was with me and I knew that he had me.
- 6:36And that was a pivotal moment for me of commitment.
- 6:39And I just felt him say to me, I know you don't understand this
- 6:42right now, but if you keep trusting me, I promise I'll use
- 6:45this for your good and for my glory.
- 6:47And so for me, that was a commitment that night in 1999
- 6:52when my dad passed away. And I just was like, OK, Lord,
- 6:54like I'm going to, I'm going to trust you.
- 6:56I'm going to follow you. And so I had a very clear
- 6:59calling on my life to write songs and lead worship and do
- 7:02music as a ministry. And there was just no doubt in
- 7:05my mind that that's what I was supposed to do.
- 7:07And so that's, that's the journey that I've been on ever
- 7:10since. And I LED worship all through
- 7:12high school. And then I moved to Nashville,
- 7:14TN to go to college and studied music there and had a great
- 7:17experience there and was involved in a wonderful church
- 7:21there where God just really nurtured my heart.
- 7:24And I got to serve under some wonderful shepherds and pastors
- 7:27who really cared, cared for me and just poured into me and
- 7:29mentored me. And yeah, so really, I mean,
- 7:32it's just been, I'm 39 now and just, you know, have been
- 7:36journeying with, with the Lord for these last 26 years when my
- 7:41dad passed away when I was 13. So it's been 26 years of just
- 7:45watching God turn, you know, beauty or turn ashes into
- 7:49beauty. And I've been through a lot of
- 7:51seasons, different kinds of loss.
- 7:54You know, the loss of my dad was the biggest one, the first one.
- 7:58And then, you know, we've walked through different seasons of job
- 8:01loss and just wandering seasons. And we've, we've gone through a
- 8:05lot of church hurt seasons as well.
- 8:08But another major loss that we walked through was when we lost
- 8:11our second baby to miscarriage. After my daughter was born, We
- 8:17we lost our second our second baby.
- 8:19And there was a song that was born through that process called
- 8:22Heaven Someday. And even just how God has taken
- 8:26that song and used it just in ways I could never imagine has
- 8:31just truly blown me away. It was the one song that I
- 8:35probably thought I would never record or release because it
- 8:37just felt so deeply personal to me.
- 8:40And it just felt like a, a grief healing song for me personally.
- 8:45And it was so raw and so tender for me at the time that I wrote
- 8:49it. I, I didn't, I just didn't.
- 8:51I couldn't imagine recording it, much less putting it out there
- 8:54for the world to hear. But God just made it so clear
- 8:57that he wanted me to do that. And I've just been completely
- 9:00blown away by just the message. I mean, I literally get messages
- 9:04every other day on YouTube from people all over the world who
- 9:07are going through the same thing.
- 9:09And God is using that song to bring comfort.
- 9:12And it's just, it blows me away just how the Lord works.
- 9:16And, you know, I think I've learned.
- 9:19I still have a lot, a lot that I have left to learn, but I feel
- 9:23like I'm just starting to learn just the value that that grief
- 9:28and that loss really has in our lives.
- 9:31It's we don't want to go through these things.
- 9:33We, we hate it and we would, we want to avoid it at all cost,
- 9:37But there is a cost to knowing God on a deeper level and, and
- 9:42knowing the depths of his presence and his goodness.
- 9:45And the, the cost is that you go through great pain in order to
- 9:49know that. And, and it is a treasure when
- 9:52you, when you get to experience the depths of God at that level,
- 9:56it is a, a priceless treasure, but it doesn't come without
- 10:00great, great cost and great pain.
- 10:03And you know, something that God has really reminded me of
- 10:06recently. I think a lot of times when we
- 10:09go through, and I hope this can encourage your listeners because
- 10:13I'm sure they've felt this before.
- 10:14A lot of times when we go through these painful seasons
- 10:18and it just feels so unfair and it just feels so unjust.
- 10:22And we, we just battle with God and we're so angry because we
- 10:25just think, you know, how can you allow this to happen to me?
- 10:29Or how, how can you just stand by and just let this happen?
- 10:32And we just start to ask all the why questions.
- 10:34And it's so hard to understand and, and it's so hard to relate
- 10:39to God in those moments because you just, you question his love
- 10:42for you. You question his, his presence
- 10:45with you. You just question his goodness.
- 10:47You know, all these things. And it's funny the things that
- 10:50God will use to just jolt my heart into truth because a
- 10:56couple weeks ago we've been walking through kind of a recent
- 10:59thing. And a couple weeks ago, my son's
- 11:02pre-K teacher, she sends out like this text every week to all
- 11:06the parents of what they learned that week in preschool.
- 11:09And this was just a routine, just weekly group text to all
- 11:12the parents. And in her text, it said, this
- 11:15week our Bible story was on the story of Daniel.
- 11:19And she said Daniel's faithfulness and obedience to
- 11:22the Lord landed him in a lion's den.
- 11:26And just something as simple as that.
- 11:27It just hit me so hard. You know, sometimes we think if
- 11:31we follow God, if we do the right things, if we trust him,
- 11:33like everything will just work out so great.
- 11:36And some, you know, things do ultimately, ultimately,
- 11:39eventually eternally work out. But when you really study
- 11:43Scripture and you start to see all these people who walked with
- 11:48Jesus, like most of the time it's the ones who trusted him
- 11:52and were faithful and obedient, where they actually found
- 11:55themselves in the lion's den or betrayed or crucified or
- 11:59imprisoned or persecuted. And so we're actually in really
- 12:03good company when we when we are suffering and we go through
- 12:06suffering because we're literally in the company of
- 12:09Jesus and all these heroes of the faith that trust in him, but
- 12:13yet found themselves walking through really hard seasons.
- 12:16And so just, you know, just remembering that that it's, it's
- 12:20a marathon and, you know, heaven is our ultimate reward and our
- 12:23ultimate home and the ultimate moment that we get to finally
- 12:28rest and finally exhale and know that Christ will make all things
- 12:31new. But until then, you know, we
- 12:34really are on a journey of there's going to be hard things.
- 12:37And it's really just about trusting him.
- 12:39And how much do we really trust him?
- 12:42And it's really easy to say that we trust him, but when it really
- 12:46comes down to it is when your heart is completely shattered,
- 12:49completely broken, you have no answers, you have no
- 12:53explanation. And yet even in the midst of
- 12:56that, you just say, Lord, I trust you, blessed be the name
- 13:00of the Lord and joy and sorrow, I'm going to trust you.
- 13:03And so that I think that's probably the biggest lesson that
- 13:05I've learned in my adult journey.
- 13:08It's just what it really means to trust Jesus and how much it
- 13:12really does cost. Thank you so much for sharing.
- 13:16You know, your, your story and yeah, your journey and, you
- 13:20know, you turning and finding, you know, your your God and
- 13:27everything. Shelly, this is so powerful.
- 13:29And, you know, I think in those moments, you're right.
- 13:31Like we questioned so many things and it's hard not to,
- 13:34right when you are faced with that adversity, especially, you
- 13:37know, lost parents and, you know, losing our babies and not
- 13:40getting a lot of answers and things like that.
- 13:42And it's and it's true. It's hard not to question faith
- 13:46when you know, but it's really in those hardest moments when we
- 13:49need to turn, you know, to what we believe in and, you know,
- 13:53hold on to and things like that. Absolutely, Absolutely.
- 13:57Absolutely, Shelly, yes. And you know, what's interesting
- 14:00is so you're saying that and and this is how we got connected
- 14:03through to was through, you know, someone reaching out to
- 14:06you and all those things because of how powerful your words are.
- 14:10Like, what does that mean to you when you get, you know, other
- 14:13lost parents reaching out and saying to you, thank you.
- 14:16Like, thank you for your music, thank you for your words.
- 14:18Because it really does open it up to, you know, ways that I
- 14:24can't sometimes communicate words from a beautiful
- 14:27songwriter. And, you know, those kind of
- 14:29things you do. And it's.
- 14:31Yeah. Yeah, it's really, for me, it's,
- 14:34it's a couple things. It's it's really just the
- 14:37evidence of God's redemptive work.
- 14:41Anytime I get a message or anything from somebody about how
- 14:45a song has just ministered to them in their darkest moment,
- 14:50it's just another example of God being faithful to that promise
- 14:53he made me the night my daddy died of like, you know, when he
- 14:56said, if you'll keep doing what you're doing, I promise I'll use
- 14:58all of this for your good and for my glory.
- 15:00And you know, God is so faithful to to his word and to his
- 15:04promise. And so for me, it's just, it's a
- 15:07proof of his faithfulness, but it's also just, it's really
- 15:11beautiful to see just how God can use one person's journey and
- 15:17one person's pain to then breathe life into someone else's
- 15:22pain. And only God can do that.
- 15:24I mean, because in, in the world that we live in the World of
- 15:27Darkness, like pain, you know, pain just breathes more pain
- 15:30like that. That's, that's so upside down
- 15:32for pain to bring healing. But only in God's Kingdom does
- 15:35he do the upside down. He, he literally takes something
- 15:38that's really painful for one person, then he's able to
- 15:42transform it and then use it as something healing in someone
- 15:45else's life. And it's just this beautiful
- 15:48holy thing that only he can do. And it, it just really is an
- 15:52honor to to even be used in that way that he that he can
- 15:58orchestrate something that is just so healing and so just has
- 16:02so much sacred holiness to it in someone's life.
- 16:06Absolutely. And I mean, finding, you know,
- 16:10people who understand and survivors who understand what
- 16:12you're going through is so important in those moments or
- 16:14like someone that, you know, like is in the trenches with you
- 16:17and things like that too. And finding someone who
- 16:20understands, you know, the feelings that you're having
- 16:22those emotions. And like you're saying, you
- 16:25know, God has used you as a vessel.
- 16:27Your your beautiful voice, your music really touch people and to
- 16:32put that, you know, almost like we always say, you know, purpose
- 16:36behind our pain because, you know, we can never take, you
- 16:39know, of course, healing and working through things.
- 16:43But really, though, you know, we're always going to be missing
- 16:46a piece of us and, you know, having different things to turn
- 16:50to and all of that. Yeah, absolutely.
- 16:53Yeah. Something else that I think I've
- 16:55learned a lot about just the process of grief and is that
- 17:01it's not a, it's not an event that happens to you that you go
- 17:07through something and then you move on 'cause I think a lot of
- 17:10times, especially after my dad passed away when I was a
- 17:12teenager, you know, a lot of people would say like, Oh well,
- 17:15time will heal and it'll, you'll move on.
- 17:18And, you know, I think that, you know, people mean well, people
- 17:21always have good intentions when they say those things, but it's
- 17:24not really, I found that it's just not really true.
- 17:28I think grief is a relationship you enter into and it's a
- 17:32lifelong relationship you enter into because it doesn't go away.
- 17:37And it's almost like you don't want it to go away because in
- 17:39some ways that's a way of honoring the memory of the
- 17:44person that you lost or the child that you lost.
- 17:46It's like at some point your, your grief and your, your
- 17:50memories is really all you have to really hold on to.
- 17:53And, and so, you know, I think it's just important to remember
- 17:59that it's not just this event that happens that you live
- 18:03through it and then you move on to the next thing.
- 18:05It's like it's something you have to learn to just live with
- 18:08and embrace. And it's actually a very healing
- 18:11process to, to live into the grief.
- 18:14I, I used to think that, you know, it's like you had to move
- 18:18on from something and let yourself heal and just let time
- 18:21do its thing. But I, I figured out with my,
- 18:23with my dad's journey, you know, it actually became more painful
- 18:27like as I got older, when I got married, when I had my daughter,
- 18:30when like all these milestones in life, when he wasn't there,
- 18:33it actually was the pain just sort of kept compounding on
- 18:37itself because you just, you feel the void more and more and
- 18:39more instead of less and less and less.
- 18:42And so I just had to learn, you know, this is, this is a part of
- 18:46my life, this is a part of my story.
- 18:48And instead of trying to just move past it, I'm just going to
- 18:52embrace it and let it be what it is and let it just have its
- 18:56place in my life. And it was actually through that
- 18:58process that I really started to experience healing, and I was
- 19:02able to truly heal from the experience and not feel like my
- 19:07soul was just bleeding all the time.
- 19:09But I was able to have the wounds and the scars, but learn
- 19:13how to live with the wounds. And it's through that brokenness
- 19:16that I think God shines through those wounds.
- 19:19And I think that's where we really start to see the beauty
- 19:22and the healing take place. And, you know, just not allowing
- 19:27ourselves to avoid grief, not allowing ourselves to run from
- 19:30it or to stifle it, but to truly like lean in and just go all the
- 19:34way there because it's usually at rock bottom, because once you
- 19:38hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up.
- 19:41And so if you try to avoid hitting rock bottom, you'll, you
- 19:45know, you, you kind of run the risk of, you know, you're just
- 19:48going to kind of always be falling.
- 19:49But if you just allow yourself to just fall into the arms of
- 19:53Jesus, like he will be there at rock bottom and he will begin to
- 19:56heal your heart. And that's where you really see
- 19:59his presence and feel His presence.
- 20:02I also heard something recently that I really loved the way it
- 20:05was. It was stated it talked about
- 20:07not minimizing ARC because I know I ran into this and I hope
- 20:13this can. I hope some of your listeners
- 20:15can identify with this. You know, even even with
- 20:19something like miscarriage, you know, everyone, there's all
- 20:22different stages and levels and types And like just the way that
- 20:26people go through it, it's, it's like, you know, some people
- 20:30have, you could argue like, well, that was so much more
- 20:32traumatic than that, you know, and you go through different
- 20:34things and it just, that is so not helpful.
- 20:38You know, like we don't need to compare like there's no purpose
- 20:42in that whatsoever. And I just, I've run into that a
- 20:45lot with as I've talked with women and they're like, well,
- 20:47it's nothing compared. So I'm like, no, no, no, like
- 20:50your story is your story and what you go through, like you
- 20:54carry it and we all carry, we all carry it.
- 20:57And so it doesn't matter any of the specifics.
- 21:01It's like the heartbreak is the heartbreak and period.
- 21:05And so I think that's been a big thing too.
- 21:08It's just truly learning how to, how to look into your own story
- 21:12and, and see, you know, the things that have happened to you
- 21:16and really allow yourself to name them for what they are and
- 21:21give them the weight that they carry.
- 21:23And not just try to minimize it or, or, you know, treat it like
- 21:26it's, it's, it doesn't matter because it does matter.
- 21:29And it you know, the things that happened to us, if we don't know
- 21:33how to process them and grieve them and carry them well, then
- 21:36they will just eat away at us from the inside and just wreak
- 21:40so much havoc in our heart over the long haul.
- 21:43And so it does matter. Our stories do matter, and they
- 21:46matter to the Lord. Thank you, Shelly.
- 21:49And it's. Yeah, we, you know, what's
- 21:52interesting is after going through such, you know, a
- 21:55significant, you know, grief with losing a child, right at
- 21:59any stage or age, and like we're all walking the same staircase,
- 22:03just different color steps, right?
- 22:05But The thing is, like, we learn how to intentionally live and we
- 22:08learn about how precious life is.
- 22:10And it is living with both, you know, 'cause like you said, like
- 22:14we're moving forward, we're not moving on, but we're learning
- 22:17how to put one step in front of the other again, because now
- 22:20we're a different changed person because we just lost someone so
- 22:24significant to us. And so how do we do that, right?
- 22:27And each time, like, I know I need different coping skills or
- 22:31I need different things that work for me, you know, and to
- 22:36really sit and process with to be able to get through like, you
- 22:40know, to work to a place that, OK, like I can talk about it or
- 22:44I can, you know, getting to, you know, not be down in the doom
- 22:49and gloom like you're saying, like where we just keep falling
- 22:51instead of just allowing ourselves to fully process it,
- 22:54be with our feelings, sit with it and really learn to, you
- 22:58know, how to pick one ourselves up.
- 23:01And I think it's, you know, having a community of people,
- 23:03having those that understand and really, you know, yeah, outside
- 23:08of, you know, your faith and things like that as well.
- 23:11Yeah, absolutely. Well, that's the other thing is,
- 23:13you know, we were, we're made in the image of God.
- 23:17And when you look at the image of God, like he's Father, son
- 23:20and Holy Spirit, like he's not, he's not alone.
- 23:23Like he, he enjoys community, you know, and so he created us
- 23:27to enjoy community and to enjoy having people with us.
- 23:31We're not meant to just do life alone and suffer alone and cry
- 23:35alone and do this alone. And so there's so much value in
- 23:38carrying our each other's burdens and walking through
- 23:41stuff with people. And that's, I think one of the
- 23:44most beautiful, beautiful fruits that we see from going through
- 23:48grief is that we, we gain an empathy and an understanding for
- 23:52other people that you can only gain when you, when you go
- 23:56through it yourself. And so when you go through
- 23:57something, you now have an empathy and understanding for
- 24:01other people who are going through stuff.
- 24:02And then that now creates this beautiful community.
- 24:05And it's beautiful two way interaction where you get to
- 24:09encourage someone else, You get to be there for someone else,
- 24:11you get to be a listening ear for someone else who's gone
- 24:14through it. And that is an intangible value
- 24:17of just bring so much comfort and so much healing when you
- 24:20know you don't have to walk through it alone and you know
- 24:23that there's other people who don't don't just hear and
- 24:26understand what you're saying, but have actually lived it and
- 24:28carried the same weight of pain that you have carried.
- 24:33Yeah. The Venus of it.
- 24:34Yeah, so I. Feel like, too, when you get
- 24:37with, you know, in a room with someone and you all of a sudden
- 24:40have that instinct connection to one another and almost cut your
- 24:43pain down a little bit too when you're like, in those moments
- 24:47because, yeah, that human nature of woman action, yeah.
- 24:51There's something about knowing you're not alone that relieves
- 24:55the burden just a little bit, makes it easier to bear.
- 24:58Yeah, absolutely. What is on the horizon for you
- 25:03with your music? You know, what have you been
- 25:05working on or anything you want to share with us?
- 25:08We. Yeah, yeah.
- 25:11So I, I actually have a new song that I just finished writing
- 25:17that it's called Better Story and it's kind of.
- 25:20So last last couple years my husband walked through a pretty
- 25:24intense job wilderness. He was, he was laid off from a
- 25:27company where he worked for 22 years.
- 25:29They were laying off like 10s of thousands of people's like this
- 25:32mass company thing. And so it wasn't personal, but
- 25:35it felt very personal because, you know, he poured his heart
- 25:37and soul into this place for 22 years.
- 25:39And then they were just like, no thanks, see ya.
- 25:42So that was pretty devastating. And I walked through that with
- 25:45him. And there was a point in that,
- 25:48in that journey where, you know, after about a year and still no
- 25:52job, still no answer to prayer, still just silence from the
- 25:55Lord. You know, he really started to
- 25:57get discouraged. And he told me one day, he said,
- 26:00you know, I feel like Joseph in the book of Genesis, that I feel
- 26:04like Joseph sitting in prison waiting for the cupbearer to
- 26:07remember my name. And that just was such a
- 26:11profound picture in my mind when he said that of just how that
- 26:16must have felt for Joseph, you know, when he was going through
- 26:19life and successful and everything.
- 26:21You know, he's running Potiphar's house and he's doing
- 26:23what he's supposed to do. And he's being obedient, he's
- 26:25being faithful. He's doing the right thing.
- 26:27And then out of nowhere, you know, he's falsely accused by
- 26:30Potiphar's wife and he's thrown in the dungeon and he's just
- 26:33almost like forgotten about. And just all this time goes by
- 26:37and he's sitting down there in prison just with all this
- 26:39gifting and all this leadership ability, and he's just sitting
- 26:42there just feeling totally forgotten.
- 26:45And that's how my husband felt, you know, just felt like he had
- 26:47been kind of cast out for not doing anything wrong.
- 26:49And then now here he is just waiting.
- 26:52And it's interesting because we were reading in Genesis the
- 26:56story of Joseph. And it says after two full years
- 26:59passed, the cupbearer, remember Joseph.
- 27:02And then after that happened, Joseph was restored to, you
- 27:05know, his position and all that. But it's interesting, he said
- 27:07after two full years passed. And for my husband, like
- 27:10literally from the day he got laid off until the day he got
- 27:15his job offer was exactly 2 years to the day.
- 27:18And it just was such a picture of like that was his Joseph
- 27:22season. And it was just so crazy the way
- 27:24the Lord was so faithful. So I wrote a song about it
- 27:26called Joseph song. And it's just AI mean.
- 27:29It's a it's a heavy song, but it's just, you know, you're
- 27:32sitting in that moment of like, you're asking God, like, do you
- 27:34see me? Do you Remember Me?
- 27:36Have you forgotten me? Do you know that I'm still here,
- 27:38you know, kind of thing. And so this this next song I've
- 27:41been working on is, is really just a deeply personal song for
- 27:44me that I feel like is kind of the sequel of that song.
- 27:48It just talks about the better story that God is always
- 27:50writing, that he's always writing a better story than what
- 27:54we can see at the moment. And we just have to trust him to
- 27:57hold the pen and to hold the pages and to to write the story
- 28:01the way that he wants to write it.
- 28:03And so I'm excited. I haven't totally finished it
- 28:05yet, but that's probably going to be my next release on the
- 28:08horizon. So be on the lookout for a song
- 28:10called Better Story, hopefully in the near future.
- 28:14Absolutely. Thank you, Shelly.
- 28:16Of course can't. Thank you enough for coming on
- 28:19here for sharing, you know, about your music and you know
- 28:22how much music means to you because I mean, obviously it's
- 28:26been a very intricate part of your, your life's journey and
- 28:31through so much heartache and, you know, pain and things like
- 28:34that. So, you know, what do you want
- 28:36to leave our listeners with in general about loss, music or
- 28:40anything? Yeah.
- 28:41No, I would just say keep trusting in the Lord.
- 28:45Just keep running to Him, no matter.
- 28:48No matter if you don't have words or not, no matter how deep
- 28:50the pain, just keep running to Him, whatever that looks like
- 28:54for you. However you can, keep reaching
- 28:56out to the Lord, keep drawing near to Him, and just trust that
- 29:00he, he will be near and He will draw near to you.
- 29:02It's a promise. And I've seen him be true to
- 29:05that in my own lifetime, after time after time.
- 29:08So I just want to encourage all of you to keep trusting in Him,
- 29:10no matter how dark the night may be.
- 29:15Well, thank you, Shelly, and thank you so much for being
- 29:17here, for being, you know, rolling real with us and your
- 29:20courage to Share your story, your pain, and your healing
- 29:23journey through music. It's just such a gift and one
- 29:26that just keeps on giving. Thank you.
- 29:29Thank you. Yeah, for our listeners out
- 29:31there, if you're walking, you know, through your own grief
- 29:34right now. And I hope today's episode
- 29:35reminds you that you're not alone.
- 29:37As Shelley's music shows us, there is beauty and brokenness,
- 29:40and sometimes the most powerful healing comes from simply
- 29:43letting yourself feel it all. You can find Shelly's latest
- 29:46album. We'll make sure to put your
- 29:48music below in the bio so people can find you, Shelly.
- 29:52And trust me, it's, you know, worth listening to and checking
- 29:55out. And until next time, be kind to
- 29:58your heart. Let it cry out loud when it
- 29:59needs to. And remember, healing isn't
- 30:01linear, but it is possible. And I'm Bernice, your host of
- 30:05Cried Out Loud. Take care.