Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Narcissists really do care about what other people think about them

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Narcissists really do care about what other people think about them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So contrary to popular belief, narcissists absolutely do care
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  about what other people think. That's what we're talking about
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  today. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammond. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes, narcissistic people absolutely, positively care
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  about what other people think. I don't.
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  Yeah, let me say this. Are there some narcissists out
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  there that don't care? Yeah.
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  There's there's always going to be some outliers.
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  There's always going to be people outside the norm.
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  Me, for instance, I'm a narcissist outside the norm.
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  I go to therapy, I work on myself.
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  That's outside the norm, right? But the same thing applies to
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  narcissists who don't care about what other people think.
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  There are absolutely some narcissists.
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  The more malignant variety, the more malignant over variety that
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  don't give a damn about what anybody thinks.
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  What nobody thinks matters, right?
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  Nothing anybody thinks matters to this narcissistic person,
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  right? But most of them, dude, yeah,
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  This is why reputation is so important to a lot of
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  narcissists, to most narcissists to people, right?
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  Because they care about what other people think.
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  Because but it's like what other people think about me helps
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  validate me. If it makes sense to you, what
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  other people feel about me or how, how they express themselves
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  about me helps validate me, helps me feel a certain type of
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  way about myself, helps, helps me emotionally regulate myself,
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  right? That happens so much in these
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  toxic relationship dynamics, right?
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  It just does like the narcissistic person, like they
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  use other people to, to validate themselves.
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  That's where, that's where the term narcissistic supply comes
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  from, right? Like narcissistic people get
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  supply from the validation and admiration of other people from
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  likes, comments online, whatever it is, they get their, they get
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  their supply from from other people, right?
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  It just helps them, it helps balance themselves out.
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  That's how it goes right there in a lot of these situations,
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  right? So if you're continuously
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  dealing with narcissistic people, this is what you're
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  going to experience. This is part of the dynamic,
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  y'all? It really, really is.
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  So that's why I'm trying to convey to people they care.
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  That's why they goes above and beyond to protect their
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  reputation at all costs. Like I need my reputation to be
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  precise. I need my reputation to be I, I
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  need people to think highly of me, right?
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  I need people to think good of me.
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  I need people to think well of me.
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  So I'm acting this certain type of way because I care about what
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  other people think. This is it.
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  Yeah. And again, all their narcissists
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  out there that don't care. I don't care what anybody think
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  about me. To hell with what they got to
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  say about me. I don't care what they got to
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  say about me. Yes, there are some out there
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  that exist, but most of them do care.
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  That's why they don't want you telling your friends and family
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  what is going on behind the scenes of your relationship.
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  That is why they don't want you telling your mom or sharing in
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  conversing with your mom about the subtle, subtle intricacies
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  of your relationship. That's why.
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  Why do you think they don't shut up?
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  Why? Why do you tell everybody about
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  business? I'm a private person.
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  Yeah. Do private people exist?
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  Yes. Private people absolutely exist.
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  This is not me. This is not me trying to say
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  that no private person exists on this planet.
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  Private people absolutely exist. But there's a lot of narcissists
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  out there that absolutely, you know, worry about what they
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  think, and they try to keep the abuse private.
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  There's a difference. There's a difference between
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  privacy and secrecy. Secrecy is keeping things under,
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  keeping things under the wraps. Don't tell if anybody asks you
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  where you get that black eye from, you fell down the steps.
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  That's secrecy. And a little bit of prophecy as
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  well. Prophecy is just like, hey, look
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  like let's keep this, you know, let's keep this thing private
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  until we know where we're going to this thing, you know, until
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  we, you know, let's, let's keep it private and let's not
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  introduce each other to our families or introduce the kids
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  or anything like that until we know how serious we are.
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  Cool. Let's keep it private, let's
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  keep it a secret because we're both married and we're sneaking
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  around. That's different.
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  You see what I'm saying? Narcissistic people absolutely
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  care about what people think. Don't let them convince you
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  otherwise. That's why they're so worried
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  about their reputations. I did a video very recently
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  about a narcissist's worst nightmare and y'all hear the
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  worst nightmare is exposing them for the horrible person that
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  they are in public. They don't want people to know
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  who they are. They don't want anybody to know
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  what they have going on. They don't want anybody to know
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  what is going on in this situation.
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  They absolutely don't. They don't want anybody to see.
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  So they keep it secret. They want to, they want you to
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  shut the hell up. They want you to keep your mouth
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  shut. They want, they want to, they
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  want to project an external image out into the world about
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  how people are treated or how people are behaving right.
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  They want to project this external image about the how
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  their reputation of who they really are because they care
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  like this, yo, they care so much about what people think is that
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  when people give them any, any tinge, a little a baby tinge of
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  criticism, they take it as a personal attack.
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  Even if it's constructive criticism, even if it's, even if
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  it's criticism that's going to help them build a, an empire.
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  They take it as a personal attack.
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  And then a lot of time you see them cut off people.
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  They criticize them in any way, shape or form.
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  A lot of times they'll do that. They'll cut people off.
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  They criticize them. Hell no, I can't deal with this.
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  I don't want to deal with you. I'm cutting you off completely.
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  That happens. That absolutely happens.
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  They will rather cut your ass off than to deal with, deal with
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  any part of this situation. That happens so much, y'all.
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  That's a, that's, that's a trend.
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  It happens so much, so many people in these situations.
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  It really does. So that's what I'm just trying
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  to tell you. I'm trying to convey this fact
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  to y'all that narcissistic people, toxic people will
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  continue to do this type of stuff.
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  They will continue to behave in this way.
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  They will continue to to act in this manner because it benefits
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  them in some some way, shape or form to be safeguarded about how
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  they're behaving behind the scenes.
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  And again, y'all, this shows you that a lot of them know what
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  they're doing. A lot of narcissists absolutely
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  know that they're treating you badly.
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  A lot of them do because that's why they want to keep it
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  private. Like when you when they do
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  something good for you, when they do something good, they are
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  a lot of them will ask you like what did you tell your friends
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  what I got for you? Did your friends did your
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  friends see your new necklace? Did your friends see your new
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  Jordans? Did your friends did your
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  friends like playing on the PlayStation I bought you?
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  Did your friends like that? They like when you do when you
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  shout out the good stuff, when you shout out their their wins.
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  But when you mentioned a lost man, get the hell out of here.
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  You, you mentioned a lost. You might as well be dead to
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  them. If you mention or bring up
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  something that makes them feel like it's a loss, you might as
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  well be dead to them because they're going to like, yo, you
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  kill them emotionally. You internally kill narcissists
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  when you tell the truth about them.
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  It's crazy how that works. When you tell the truth about
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  them, you internally kill off who they are.
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  And it's crazy when I have to say that to people.
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  Like when you tell the truth about this person, about who
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  they are, about how they behave, you're killing them internally
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  because they're so protective. They're so worried about other
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  people think that they will fake the funk.
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  That's why. Yeah, This is why you get
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  pathological lying ass, compulsive lying ass
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  narcissists. This is why they do it because
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  they're so worried about what people think.
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  They'll lie about stuff to hype themselves up, to build
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  themselves up, because they're so worried about the opinion of
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  other people. The opinion of other people is
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  damn near as important as money is damn near as important as
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  important as food and shelter to this toxic narcissistic person.
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  It's crazy how that works out in a lot of these situations.
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  It is wild how that goes. You know, it is absolutely
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  insane. How would this can work out to
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  for a lot of people? So that's why I try to convey to
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  y'all, they're like, if you're dealing with a narcissist toxic
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  person or whoever this is like this is kind of what you're in
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  for, Lee. I want Lee but what I want to
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  make the relationship work, but I want to tell people what's
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  going on. A lot of times you can't y'all.
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  Sometimes you can't have both. Would you prefer to have this
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  abusive relationship or you prefer to have a support system
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  and people who understand, who understand and support you what
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  you're going through? Because a lot of times they're
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  telling you you can't have both. Because that narcissistic
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  person, if you expect, look, they're so worried about you
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  exposing them. They're so worried about the
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  reputations that anybody that you've exposed them to or they
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  think you expose them to, they want you to cut off.
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  They want you to see them less. I can't stand how you tell your
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  mom everything. You need to talk to your mom
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  less. We we're partners.
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  You talk to your best friend less.
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  We, we them. We probably we Are you in a
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  relationship with your best friend?
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  Because damn. I thought.
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  I thought being you host be together.
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  I thought we. I thought you and I were in a
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  relationship together. What the hell is going on with
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  your friend? Are you going to sleep with your
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  friend? Huh, Huh, huh.
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  Huh, huh. I thought you and we got my what
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  date? They want you to see the people
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  that support you the less they so worried about what people
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  think, y'all? It just it kills them
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  internally. And the crazy thing about it is
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  they don't know what you've told people when they when they don't
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  know what you've told other people about them.
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  It kills narcissistic people inside because they're so
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  anxious. They don't know how to act.
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  They don't know how to act when they don't know what you've told
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  other people. Sometimes you, sometimes you you
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  might discuss what you've what you've told other people.
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  You might disclose what you've told other people in confidence.
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  Like yeah, me and my mom were talking about how you black my
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  eye. What see, they know that hey, me
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  and my mom were talking about our me and your relationship.
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  They don't know what you told them.
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  You see how you see how different it is right there.
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  They once in one of those scenarios, they know exactly
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  what you've disclosed so they can avoid that relationship
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  dynamic, right? In the other scenario, they just
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  know you talk to your mom about the relationship.
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  They don't know what you shared. You see the IT destroys them
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  internally to not know what you've told other people, to not
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  know what you shared. I'm just telling y'all, this is
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  a truth right here. This is a truth.
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  It will turn them to pieces inside out because they don't
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  know what the hell you've been talking to other people about.
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  And narcissists hate that y'all with a raw, seething passion.
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  They hate not knowing. They hate being left in the dark
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  in these situations. They hate it.
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  Hate it. They want to be abreast of
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  everything in these situation. They want to know everything
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  that's been going on. They want to know the insurance
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  and outs, the subtle intricacies.
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  They want to know what word you said, how you how how the people
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  around you reacted when you said it.
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  When you told them I hit you, what did they say?
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  When you told them I yelled at you, what did they say?
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  When you told them I cheated on you, how did they react?
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  What did they say? They want to know because they
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  are so afraid of people know who they really are.
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  It's crazy. They were so worried about what
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  people think and this goes for me to you.
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  I'm so worried about what people think and and crazy about it is
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  I understand it and it it still holds, holds me, holds me back
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  from doing some doing things I know I need to do.
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  I'm so worried about what other people are going to think about
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  me if I take the action that I know I need to take.
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  It's crazy how even being self worried and 3rd before 7 years,
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  the same dynamic can still can still apply.
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  It's wild how that works out. But y'all, if y'all haven't
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  is out. Please.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.