Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 2025 Rebrand & Glow Up Day 6: Defining your non negotiables & sticking to it

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2025 Rebrand & Glow Up Day 6: Defining your non negotiables & sticking to it · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the episode of Today.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: So this is week two of our twenty twenty five
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: mini kind of raset rebrand getting in the zone.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: We're going to feel amazing by the end of these
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: two weeks.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, now this episode shortens, We just like the other ones,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: been packed with goodness and vitamins, delicious and nutritious. Is
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: all about deciding on your non negotiables. Now, I speak
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: about non negotiables all the time, like what is something
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: that I absolutely will not put up with? Or what
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: is something that no matter what I have to do,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: nothing's going to get in my way.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: I'm doing this What.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Are your non negotiables as far as having and not
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: having in your life? But I think for a lot
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: of people it's really we think we know what our
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: non negotiables are, but for some it's really hard to
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: really knuckle down and know what that is. So I'm
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: gonna be talking about how to figure out what your
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: non negotiables are. The first thing you're gonna do is
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: do a quick little like journey through time, looking through
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: your past and quickly skim over your main.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Regrets, because regrets are pretty useful.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I don't want you to look at a regret and think,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: oh my god, ah right in festering and then you
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: feel shit about yourself.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: A regret serves as a very good teacher.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: So one of the things I want you to do,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: if you're someone that sits or lives in regret, let's
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: make the most of it.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Let's actually do something with it.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Instead of it wasting away and eroding at you, let's
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: make it do some work. Okay, you're gonna fucking get
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: to work, regret, because you're not taking up space in
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: my head for free. So I'm gonna look at the
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: things that I regret and think, what did that teach me?
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: Why do I regret? It? Is it?
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I did not appreciate my partner. I was just living
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: all for external things or me or whatever. And then
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: when we broke up, I was like, wow, I've thrown
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: this away. And then I tried to get back they
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: didn't want to bar with me. And now I live
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: and regret because I lost it. So what's it taught me.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: It's taught me how to interact with people.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: It's made me more present, or at least it's made
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: me realize that I should be more present. It's made
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: me realize how I could be a better partner. Maybe
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: not to them because they've I don't want to bar
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: with me, but in the future, I'm learning to be
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: a better character. I'm learning patience. I'm learning to do
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: things for people I love without expecting all these things
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: in return. I'm learning it's not tit for tat. And
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: then you start being like, wow, this is character building. Shit, Okay,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: their outcome wasn't perfect, but I've learned a lot, so
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I now know I never want to make that mistake again.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: That if someone leaves me, it's not through my lack
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: of effort and being shit, it's because it just wasn't.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: A good match.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: And then I have no regrets with that with future relationships.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: It's knowing that I now know how it looks like
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: to give my all in a relationship.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: The same can go for work. You know you kind
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: of cruised along.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: You didn't give ug again, because when we talk about regrets,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: you can't regret something that was not within your control.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: So you can't regret if you got let go because
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: the company was downsizing, and that's not a regret. I'm
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: talking about where you look at your actions and think
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done that, right, Or I shouldn't have
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: done nothing, I should have actioned something. Regret is always
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: where you wish you had done something when it was
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: within your power. You can't regret things that are not
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: within your power, right, So what are we learning from
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: our regrets? Another thing could be, oh, well, you know,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: like I got fucked over in a contract and this
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: and that. You could be like, well, now I know
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be really good at reading contracts. I'm
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: going to be really good at looking out for myself.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I'm never going to get fucked again because I've learnt
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: my lesson. I've never you know, you could have had
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: a health scare and you could say I regret that
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: I didn't take care.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Of myself all these you know, doing all of it.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: What's it taught me?
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: So when we look at our regrets being like, let's
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: make them a teacher, and now I don't look at it,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: it's just oh god, god, I just feel awful every
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: time I think about this thing that I regret. You
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: can look at it as like, yeah, okay, I'm pumped.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I'm pumped with like how I can move forward and
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: how that's never gonna happen to me again, because what
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: would be fucked is doing the same thing twice, the
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: same fucking error twice. But that's not gonna happen because
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: I've learnt. Okay, that's the first thing. So now we're
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: working on our non negotiables. What's a non negotiable there?
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Because I've looked at what I regret. I will never
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: ever ever be in a situation where someone breaks up
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: with me because I was a shit cunt for partner.
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  Speaker 2: If we break up it's because we're just not the
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: right fit or whatever.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: But I never want to be in that position again
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: where I feel like that person got away and I
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: can never get them back and I fucked up. Okay, great,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: that's an negotiable we've just worked out and non negotiable.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: The same could be with your health. You had a
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: health scare. Now I know I will never take my
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: health for granted again. And by not taking my health
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: for granted, what does that mean? What does that look like?
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  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Sense?
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Sense?
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Now let's revisit another thing after this regret thing is
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: it allows us to revisit our values.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: What do we value, truly value and why?
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  Speaker 1: Because it's all well and good, to be like firmly
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: and for good like Why though, what does it? What
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: value does it add to your life? When you talk
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: about values, it's because this thing provides value to your life.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: So that's how I want you to look at it.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: So you're thinking, Okay, being around like my people provides
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: me a lot of value because it's when I feel safe.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: It's when I'm really present at the moment. I feel secure,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I feel you know, because these people love me and
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: have my best interest at heart. I feel really comfortable
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: in my own skin around Okay, now I'm getting Now
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: I'm really figuring out what my non negotials are. Then
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: you start to think, well, if that's how I want
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: to feel in a relationship and that's what I value,
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: why the fuck.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: Am I still hanging out with this person? Why the
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: fuck is.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: This person still my friend? Why am I bringing this
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: friendship into this group? Why am I even bothering trying
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: to be friends with colleagues who are shit? Why don't
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: I just go in, be polite, do my work and leave.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Why am I trying so hard with people that don't
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: align with these values? If you keep your values what
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: brings you value top of mind, you can be way
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: more cutthroat and way more like stingy with who you
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: spend time with with how like much you're going to
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: spread yourself thin?
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Is that even a sentence?
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  Speaker 1: If you're spreading yourself too thin, you're probably not focusing
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: on Like I need to really like reel it in
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: and figure out what is it that I value and
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: that's where I need to be putting my energy into.
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  Speaker 1: And then it's going to be easier to figure out
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  Speaker 1: my non nogal If this is what brings me value,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: I don't need to be wasting time in this thing
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: or in this career or in this job or with
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: these people with that thing. Okay, Now, the next thing
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I want you to ask yourself is, like, we're doing
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: a bit of an inventory on our life. What parts
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: of my life right now, relationships work, how I treat myself,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: my own routines or habits or whatever. What part of
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: my life right now reflects the lessons that I've learned
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: and my values. And what doesn't is there's a part
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: of my life where I've made this mistake in the
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: past and I'm about to make it again because I've
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: not learned from my mistake or my regret is there,
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  Speaker 1: and if there is, now I can't do nothing about it,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: and now I need to put things into place to
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: do something about it.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: Are there people in my life that don't reflect this?
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  Speaker 1: I want you to really dig deep and ask yourself
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: what does reflect and what doesn't, and do the good
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: and the bad, because it's important to note what's working
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: for you. That's more important than knowing what's not working
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: for you, because then you can lean further into those
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: things so you can be like, Okay, my family right
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: now really aligns. This new friendship that I started, that's
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: really aligning with my value, This new hobby I started.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: That's really aligning good. Tick tick tick tick.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: But this thing right here, it's every time I do
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: it or interact, I feel shit. My workplace environment hate it.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I've tried my best, hated it. Okay, maybe I'm going
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: to set my science to in the next six months
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: or year to get out of that workplace, change my environment.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Change this, because if you can't change your environment, you've
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: got to change. Like, if you can't change your environment
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: at work and there's nothing you can do about it,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: then maybe you have to change where you're positioning yourself.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: So often a change of environment is what we need
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: to be like now with the right people now and
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: with the right energy that I just wasn't aligning with that.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: You don't have to align with everything that you do, because,
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: like I said, you can't control all these external factors.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: There's only so much you can do. You can influen
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: to an extent, but you can't control.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: So when you ask yourself, is this person's situation, relationship,
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: friendship aligning with these things? Yes?
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: Know how and why?
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: And then you start getting really clear on your non negotiables.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: And then I want you to ask yourself, what won't
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I do again, ever again?
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: And how is this going to steam.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Me towards what I will be able to do with
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: my life?
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: So let's say it's vaping.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Let's say it's some addictive behavior. You know, why has
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: this not become a non negotiable? And if you want
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: to vape, I mean, it's really not good for you.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: But I'm not here being like you all need to
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: buck like everyone's on their own journey.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: But I'm just using this as an example.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: If you've told yourself I want to quit vaping, then
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: why hasn't it changed?
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Why haven't you stopped.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Vapor because obviously, yes, there's the addiction towards it, Yes,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: all these things, but why isn't this.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: A non negotiable for you.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: It's because there's not enough weight behind it. There's not
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: a strong enough pull to something else, and for a
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: lot of people it requires a health scare to turn
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: it around. Now, I'm going to give you a really
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: short and sweet, quick anecdote about specifically vaping with me. So,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I never thought that I was like addicted to vaping,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: because I could go ages without vaping whatever. But when
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I was podcasting kind of in the second year, and
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: when I would listen to lectures when I was doing
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: UNI but there was like the COVID shutdown, so we
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: couldn't do it in person.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: We had to do it at home.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: I found myself slipping into a routine of vaping while
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: I would podcast because they didn't film it at the time,
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: and while I'd be listening to lectures. And then, which
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: is all well and good, because I never really thought
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I never really thought of it as an addiction. And
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: then one day I noticed myself looking for my vape
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: for well longer than I wanted to, and I was like,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: this is the problem, and then I said to myself,
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I will never ever vape alone ever again. I don't
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: want to be this person who's throwing turning my apartment
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: upside down.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Look at this is ridiculous.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: So I said, I'm still allowed to vape, but never
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: again alone. And from that day onwards, I never did
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: because I started thinking like, this has turned into if
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I need a vape now before I sit down for
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: this lecture, I'm addicted, and I didn't want that.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: I was like fuck that. So that was it. I
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: never vaped again.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: But I'm very social, so I was still vaping, you know,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: around people, and I wasn't someone who vapes all day long.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: It would never got to that point, but it was
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: enough that it was a compulsion to want to do it.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: And then one day I was in Bali and one
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: of the people that we were traveling with went and
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: bought some vapes of some random person and he rocks
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: up with the vapes in like this plastic bag and
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: they're all like loose in the plastic bag, and I'm like,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: this is so fucking rogue.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: And then I had a taste of the vape and
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, I think I just did
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: have like battery, and I was like, yuck, they're so
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: fucked Oh my god. And then I thought, wait a minute.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: The vapes that you get anywhere in the world, they're
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: no better. These probably just don't have enough flavor masking them.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: And then I thought, never, I'm done. This was feb
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Of two years ago, two and a half years ago,
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, if I if I'm desperate for something,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: I have a cigarette, but I'm not vaping again, like
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I'm done. And sometimes you have these moments that are like, nah,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: it's a switch in your head. It's a fucking switch,
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: and you're like, I'm fucking done.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: I'm not going back. I don't need to, I don't
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: want to.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: And honestly, the taste of that battery that day, I
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: was like, that's so fucked up.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing that again.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: You'll see me have a casual cigarette with the wine
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: in Paris. So I'm not some absolute saint of health.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I yeah, okay, you know, have a drink here, I
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: have a cigarette here.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Whatever.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: But what I'm talking about is I, for me, I
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: identify the behavior I no longer wanted. It doesn't have
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: to be vacant whatever behavior you have in your life.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: But once you reach this point of like, no, I'm
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: doing this for me, it's like it's such a deep knowing.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: It's like no, I don't want to everything turns around
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: because you are now compelled and driven for something else.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: So you've got to find what is that moment for you?
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: What are my values? What are my non negotiables, what
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: are my regrets? What are I get clear?
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Get emotional, get excited and frustrated, and you put some
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: emotion behind this intention, and then you're going to be
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: a lot more likely to see it through.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: But that's a really good way.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: These main points are a really good way of deciding
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: what your non negotiables are for.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: This point of no return. Okay, that is off for today.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: Do this little exercise. Do the exercise and I.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Will see you here if you're watching the video, I
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: will see you looking into your eyes here tomorrow. For
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: day seven, we're past the halfway point and I'm absolutely
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: thriving and loving it as you guys should be thriving
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: as well.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: Love you guy so much.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: That is all for today. As always, remember be can't
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: to yourself, You can't your brain. Don't take shit from anyone,
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: and especially don't take shit from yourself.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Don't care