Latest / Serious Beef Podcast / Emergencies and Parades

Transcript

Emergencies and Parades · Serious Beef Podcast

0:00
I'm Abby and I'm Anna. This is serious beef.
0:03
Welcome, welcome. OK, no deep side this time.
0:07
We're not yet. We're ready.
0:09
We're ready. We're OK.
0:10
We're on it. OK.
0:13
So Ben, how you doing, man? Better.
0:16
What do you think? No comment.
0:19
We've been better. No comment.
0:21
Well, honestly we thought, we thought old blue, our, your
0:25
dad's old truck was going to die and we have hope that there
0:27
might still be life, so that is better.
0:29
Like, yeah, yeah, you got to sell that Ford Ranger before it
0:33
is toast and you can get nothing for it.
0:35
I'm telling you about that, right?
0:36
Now honestly, I think your dad plans to drive it till it till
0:41
it does die, but he almost did it.
0:44
He just about just about well, but you know, it's hanging in
0:47
there. It's hanging in there, which is
0:49
good. That's true because I had to buy
0:51
a new washer and dryer and stuff.
0:53
I didn't have money doing it. Well then we had a little week.
0:56
The IDOC ruined Liz's car because they all the barrels
1:00
were knocked down and we went off the road and destroyed 2
1:04
tires and two rims and IDOT. The guy from my dad said you
1:08
drive at your own risk when you drive on the Interstate and IDOT
1:12
doesn't pay, they IDOT doesn't give a fuck.
1:16
So yeah, so we had to pay to get that fixed.
1:19
Quick shout out not to IDOT. Fuck you.
1:24
Yeah, yeah, so but anyway, so that's I that that might be my
1:28
little beef about the I dot they suck.
1:31
What's your beef this week? Well, mine's pretty.
1:34
Mine's pretty quick little beef. OK, I was pretty down to the
1:40
dumps just a couple weeks ago. I think I was on the phone with
1:42
you and I told you to write down that I had beef with
1:43
salamanders. You did.
1:45
It's not exactly salamanders, but it was basically like, can
1:48
you fucking believe millions of years ago some stupid fucking
1:55
little salamander climbed out of the fucking water and now I have
1:59
to have a credit score some. Horseshit if he would have just.
2:05
Stayed in the ocean where he. Belonged.
2:08
I don't know if it was actually a salamander do.
2:10
You think No, no, that's why I was like confused because I was
2:13
like what the fuck was I talking?
2:14
Why did I write down salamanders?
2:16
Yeah, that's hilarious. Fuckers.
2:18
Now I got to have his credit score.
2:20
And and be a responsible doll. The whole.
2:22
I hate that the whole works. Yeah.
2:23
It's just, it's just all for me. I agree with you on that.
2:27
Sometimes, you know, sometimes it's a lot of fun.
2:31
We went to see Conan Gray. Not I I went with the other two
2:37
girls. You're right now.
2:38
Went to see Conan Gray out of the Hollywood Amphitheatre,
2:42
whatever we used to call it, River Port years ago.
2:45
Yeah. I've only ever known Lolly.
2:47
Amphitheatre. I was out there last weekend and
2:50
I realized this place has been here since the 90s, I think
2:55
early 90s. Not an update to the place that
2:58
such well, it's no, they actually updated around the
3:01
outside, you know, the food area and things like that.
3:04
With the other they they out updated out there.
3:07
But I noticed that they really need to update their sound
3:10
system. Actually, their sound system
3:11
didn't sound great, but Conan Gray, wow, love him.
3:16
And I said from one drama queen to another, this kid is, boy, is
3:20
he a drama queen. His songs are so dramatic and
3:22
over the top and I love it. And you could tell he was a
3:25
drama kid in high school. Like, what a performer.
3:28
Sure. He was just so much fun.
3:32
And yeah, we loved it. And so it was called the Pajama
3:35
Wishbone Tour. So we all we.
3:36
So you wore your pajamas even though it was a million?
3:38
Fucking degrees. Yeah, it was it.
3:39
Was quite hot during the day, but the sun went down.
3:41
But it was so humid out there. Oh my gosh, so humid.
3:44
So, yeah, I had, I was actually having a really good hair day
3:47
until I got there. It is unfortunate.
3:50
You hate to see that. By the time we went home, it was
3:52
terrible. But you do hate to see that.
3:55
Yeah. But it was, it was a great time
3:56
that if you ever get a chance to see Conan Grey, take it.
3:58
He is something else. I'll tell you what.
4:00
Loved every minute. You know how you like.
4:04
You go to those concerts, you're just smiling the whole time, you
4:06
know, or singing either way. Yeah, it's, it's just really,
4:09
really fun. That's always a good.
4:10
That's always a good. Yeah, always, always, always.
4:12
OK. Sauce.
4:13
Oh, good. What's your sauce?
4:15
OK, it's hillbilly sauce. Oh, what's hillbilly sauce?
4:19
I think it's like a hot sauce. I didn't really look into the.
4:21
Details. Oh, OK.
4:22
We'll just, we'll just call it. Straight from the Great Smoky
4:24
Mountains. Tennessee Hillbilly hot sauce
4:27
has a rich. Hickory, spooky taste, but just
4:29
enough heat to get your attention.
4:31
Oh, OK. Did you know, did you hear that
4:34
there was a landslide in Tennessee and there was a road
4:39
to Gatlinburg that was cut off? Probably the fucking one.
4:42
We we're. On right, like some kind of
4:44
pass. I called it a pass.
4:46
You couldn't get through it. I'll.
4:48
Tell you what. I was about to pass away.
4:52
You and a kid. We said, we said that road they.
4:54
Climbed, they call. It a pass because you passed
4:57
away. There was, I guess there was a
4:59
whole bunch of rain and which then in turn caused the
5:04
landslide and yeah, blocked the road, couldn't get to
5:07
Gatlinburg. I said Oh my God.
5:09
Oh my. What are these poor people going
5:10
to do? I they ain't going to
5:13
Gatlinburg. He ain't getting to Gatlinburg.
5:14
I'm sure it's clear by now, but. As opposed to the landslide that
5:17
was called by Fleetwood Mac in 1975.
5:22
That was terrible. That was pretty good, no?
5:26
I thought it was. Pretty good that was wrong.
5:29
Well, I got I. Have so many things to tell you
5:31
I got. A few things, but I wanted to,
5:35
you know what I meant to show you this.
5:37
I'm going to show it to you on the podcast, see if I give a
5:39
shit. Oh, OK, OK.
5:41
My sisters, they've already shown you this video.
5:43
OK, you ready? OK, it is asparagus dancing like
5:51
they were in the Veggie Tales. We got to get them out of here.
5:57
If you've never had the chance to watch the Veggie Tales, you
6:01
had a sad childhood and I'm sorry for you, but they're
6:07
amazing. And get get yourselves to get to
6:10
go go find them on YouTube on the light.
6:12
Yeah. I love Daniel Gleinser.
6:13
Esther loved Esther loved Esther is so good.
6:16
There's but the best one, the best one, the Lord of the Beans,
6:21
that is Lord of the beans. That's the best one I think they
6:24
ever made. It's excellent.
6:26
Speaking of Veggie Tales and religion.
6:30
OK, I saw I saw this post. They do actually.
6:34
I know. And I was like they kind of I
6:36
saw this post that someone someone said Moses is a dirty
6:42
bitch for picking up two roaches and putting them on the ark like
6:47
a real funky ass bitch. And you can tell him I said that
6:51
Moses now then the first goes on to comment sources close to me
6:55
before me, that it was Noah who is the trifling ass bitch.
6:59
My deepest and serious apologies to Moses and his family.
7:03
At the time it was no but the cockroaches on the ark.
7:11
But serious apologies to Moses and his family at this time.
7:17
I'm dead. I'm reading that I'm like
7:19
crying. I had to save it so I could tell
7:21
you. No, no, Moses was a Moses was a
7:30
dirty bitch. But it turns out it it was.
7:32
No, it was that trifling ass bitch.
7:36
I I have cursed no, a time or two.
7:38
Well, As for putting on mosquitoes, spiders, insects in
7:43
general, honestly, insects in general, I guess we could have
7:45
done without them. Could have done without them.
7:47
I don't know what the amphibians and all those are going to eat,
7:50
but unfortunately, that's not my problem.
7:52
We could have come up with something.
7:53
They could have been vegetarians.
7:55
I don't know. That's what I'm saying.
7:56
You know, we didn't. Do we really need the insects?
7:59
We do need the pollinators I guess, but.
8:02
Oh, bumblebee, it's just like completely fine.
8:05
It's true. Go leave on.
8:06
That's a whole bunch of them stingy and then you die.
8:08
But you. Know well, don't get stung.
8:11
That's my advice. This is Abby's advice.
8:14
OK, I got one more video to show you.
8:16
OK this this we. I love the videos on the.
8:20
On the audio. On the audio podcast, well,
8:22
this. One, I would turn it up so you
8:23
can hear the audio. So you gotta you gotta to
8:25
listen. This says the caption says
8:27
bedtime feelings. Check in went in a whole new
8:30
direction. Last night.
8:31
Oh, OK. You're feeling sad?
8:33
Yeah. Why?
8:38
Because Pompeii. We're feeling sad, Yeah.
8:41
Why? Because Pompeii got destroyed.
8:43
That was. Little did you know that's an
8:45
actual footage of Abby as a child?
8:50
That is 100% something she would have done as soon as she learned
8:53
that Pompeii got destroyed. What the girl?
9:01
That's fantastic. Oh my.
9:05
God, oh big God destroyed. That's hilarious.
9:09
Oh, that's Tizen. OK, I'm working on the book.
9:16
Oh, I thought you weren't going to talk about it on the podcast
9:17
in this case, so I stole your idea.
9:18
Well, not I'll tell the idea. OK, OK, she's working on a book,
9:21
but we're not going to tell you what.
9:22
It's about no go fuck yourself. Everybody back off.
9:24
Yeah. Unless you're KDP, in which case
9:26
I've already texted, you already know what it's about.
9:28
Adults steal the idea. Yeah, OK.
9:30
OK. So.
9:31
So I'm right. I'm working on a book.
9:35
We'll see how it goes. OK.
9:37
You know, I think it's kind of funny.
9:40
I think so. I've read some.
9:41
I like it so far. So hopefully, hopefully.
9:44
Someday you'll finish the book. What did I say?
9:46
It is Everybody's. It's everybody's favorite genre.
9:49
Historical fiction. sci-fi ROM com.
9:52
Yes, excellent. A classic.
9:55
Classic. A classic.
9:58
Well, we just finished a book, actually.
10:00
Well, hold on now. Hold on because because I got to
10:02
think so. The book is about like it ties
10:07
into H degrees, which is why I. It does.
10:10
It does. It does tie into H degrees.
10:11
Because we know. We know Abby loves Greece.
10:13
It's true. Write what you know.
10:15
But it's also about time travel and I was texting KDP and was
10:23
she's not KDP. This is what we call her anyway.
10:26
I know I'll she'll forever be KDP to me.
10:30
So I was texting her and I was like, well, here's the thing.
10:33
As soon as you introduce time travel into your book, big
10:36
mistake because you immediately open up the potential for so
10:40
many plot holes. So I'm having to figure out on
10:43
the side how to circumvent all of the holes.
10:47
It's true. So Katie, Katie goes, oof.
10:52
I never, I was texting her about this.
10:53
Oof. I never thought about the time
10:55
travel plot holes but you're right.
10:57
Reminds me of Harry Potter. Like JK had to put some
11:01
parameters up the ministry in parentheses or else I feel like
11:06
all of us would have been like, well have Harry shrink down to
11:10
an Ant crawl in Voldemort's booty hole and then have him
11:13
expand. Problem solved.
11:20
I'm so glad that that was the plot hole in in parentheses
11:25
expanding in Voldemort's ass and not that Dumbledore could have
11:29
gone back in time and saved Harris Perry.
11:31
Oh. My God.
11:37
She goes. Well, I think he would have if
11:40
the ministry in all caps didn't have those time turners on lock.
11:46
She goes especially with that. See you next Tuesday, Umbridge,
11:50
patrolling the office. What's dying?
11:56
Oh my God. She's killing me.
11:57
She's killing me. So I had to read to you that
12:01
plot holes text from KDP, but I I need the you need the context.
12:07
That that's awesome and I hope you fill all of your holes.
12:14
Words of wisdom. From my mother, you fill all of
12:18
your holes, all of your holes. OK, I have a couple stories I've
12:21
been holding onto as I don't see you every week now.
12:24
So every other I save them up. I do avoid her as much as
12:28
possible. She calls me every morning.
12:30
Unfortunately, I actually, she left me a message the other day.
12:32
I have to tell you folks, it was the deepest sigh of all sighs on
12:36
my voicemail because I didn't answer.
12:41
And I'll deploy that one for you on the podcast.
12:44
But that's, that's a pretty funny one anyway, did you know
12:49
that it last week was a was the 11th annual fat bear week?
12:54
There are bears that are fattening up for hibernation.
12:59
And so they, somebody decided to have a national fat bear week
13:07
and they put the bears, I guess pictures of bears out there for
13:13
people to vote on. Oh, OK.
13:17
Now I don't know where I can go to find them, but I get the
13:21
Apple news everyday and so I kind of scroll through to see if
13:26
I find anything interesting that's happening.
13:29
And there a champion has been named and there he is.
13:32
His name is Chunk. That for him, he's he's pretty
13:36
chunky. Do the truffle shuffle.
13:37
Yeah, he's pretty chunky. So he is 32 years old, the
13:43
chubby champion of Fat Bear Week 2025.
13:46
OK, well I oh, he has a broken jaw, but it didn't stop him from
13:49
feasting on sockeye salmon good and gain gaining hundreds of
13:54
pounds over the summer. Man, me too.
14:00
I just, I'm, I'm actually speechless.
14:01
My, my ass is tarnished. I asked if if you could, if only
14:11
you it would be OK to put on hundreds of pounds and then to.
14:16
Sleeping. Off sleeping off wow, I I, I
14:20
tell you what that's the life. That is the life these bears are
14:23
living the life. So I was kind of excited for
14:25
chunk. He won the fat bear make a we
14:27
all should be. And so kudos to chunk.
14:30
Kudos, kudos. Broken jaw and all.
14:33
I didn't know he had a broken jaw fighting through injury.
14:36
I didn't even. I didn't stop.
14:37
Him No, I did not I did not you know what great.
14:41
Hello, man. Speaking of injury, OK, I'm
14:45
because I, I figured we were just going back and forth on our
14:47
stories because I also had some things.
14:49
It's OK, This is what we do when you call me, we should we go
14:51
back and forth and tell each other stuff.
14:52
We want to tell each other 100%. So.
14:55
So we've got it's facing football season, yes.
14:58
OK. And and we haven't, knock on
15:00
wood, been hit too terribly by injuries.
15:02
We've definitely had some injuries.
15:04
Tyree kill. No, we lost our boy Tyreek.
15:07
Did you see that video? I didn't watch it.
15:09
I don't want to watch it. I didn't mean is it bad.
15:11
Oh yes. Oh, poor.
15:13
Tyreek I They said that he tore multiple ligaments and he had a
15:21
full knee dislocation. Oh no, his I thought I, I
15:26
watched the video on accident. I didn't realize what I was
15:28
watching because I hadn't I had heard his knee was like at a 90°
15:33
angle and the wrong like sideways.
15:36
It was so bad. There's a good chance he doesn't
15:40
come back from this injury. That's.
15:41
Bad. Yeah, it's really.
15:43
Bad man, that ain't right. I don't deserve that, That he
15:47
sucks, but none of the players do.
15:49
That's I mean. And it's a chance they take
15:51
every time. They play 100%, but that
15:53
something like that, that's heartbreaking.
15:56
Did you hear that? The Niners said that Brock
16:01
Purdy, 2 wide receivers and and a defensive end are all out for
16:06
this week. They're all hurt.
16:07
Oh. George kills already on IR.
16:10
Wow. Put the kill on.
16:12
Put the kid on. So take the kill off Christian
16:14
McCaffrey, yeah. Well, that's our guy and and.
16:17
I know, but now he's going to get.
16:19
Killed he is he is he's going to kid because they're.
16:22
Going to he had a good run they're.
16:23
Going to use and abuse if it till he drops yeah.
16:26
A good run. Well, the reason I bring up
16:28
fantasy football, OK, OK is because I don't know, The
16:31
listeners know this. I am the champion.
16:35
Yeah, of course I am the reigning champion of my father.
16:38
'S we, we are the reigning champions.
16:39
I have to get a wee in there. Abby does all the work, but my
16:41
name is on the on the. It's true.
16:43
I love that tea with her. It's true.
16:45
But I am my favorite part of Facebook football is definitely
16:52
the draft. Yeah, it's a fun.
16:53
It's a fun. It's a fun.
16:55
It's a fun. It's a fun.
16:57
It's a me, it's a. My second favorite part is the
17:01
trade. The trade is is Abby is the
17:04
there's there. I say my secondary part is the
17:07
trade as if there is a trade that has to happen.
17:10
There isn't. Trading is completely optional.
17:12
Not everyone has to trade. A lot of people don't.
17:14
You have mastered the art type of the trade.
17:17
Mastered the art of the deal. The Art of the Deal.
17:20
Is is My Autobiography coming out tomorrow?
17:25
That's not the book. That's not.
17:28
The book. Maybe someone will write that
17:29
about it. Maybe someday.
17:30
Well, then it wouldn't be an. Autobiography.
17:32
That's true. They could lie and say it to
17:37
you. I don't know.
17:38
I, I, I'm going to get back to that hold.
17:43
On a minute, no, don't come back to that.
17:45
Yes, it is. Hold on, I gotta make a note or
17:48
I'm going to forget because it's a good it's a good transition.
17:50
OK, OK. But I noticed in.
17:54
So here's the thing. I'm always up to date on the
17:57
information on the on the football.
17:59
All right, James Conner already done for the season with an
18:02
injury. That's true.
18:03
OK Trey Benson, I believe is his name.
18:08
Boom comes out today. He was like he got like hit in
18:11
the knee, I guess playing or everybody.
18:13
They said he finished the game. While sometimes day comes out,
18:16
comes out today, not yesterday. Because you know what waivers
18:20
process? Well, if you want to pick
18:22
somebody up that nobody has you, you can put a little thing in.
18:26
And then Wednesday morning it processes.
18:29
And depending on the waiver order will determine if you pick
18:33
that person up or not. OK, OK.
18:36
You know this. Yeah.
18:38
And so, but the news broke today, so the waivers have
18:42
already processed. So I went in there.
18:45
Trey Benson's out for the week. And not just out for the week.
18:48
He's on IR. Oh, no.
18:50
So he's out for an extended period of time.
18:52
Boom. And nobody saw that coming.
18:54
So guess what? I went and every single of my
18:57
leagues and I picked up the third string running back in
18:59
Arizona because nobody was prepared for the number two guy
19:03
to go down with an injury a week after James Conner goes down.
19:06
You're always ahead of the game, man.
19:09
So I now have a whole. Bunch of running backs in the
19:13
league, my work league. OK, you're going to go make the
19:17
the trade. Now, of course, so I'm already,
19:20
I'm scoping, I'm snooping, and I see, I see there's a guy, his
19:25
name's Jim that I work with. OK, OK, I've mentioned Jim
19:29
probably before to you. I don't know if I've mentioned.
19:31
To the the listener. OK, that's that's an alias.
19:34
We'll just call him Jim. Go ahead.
19:41
We'll call him Jim. That's it.
19:42
Wait, wait. We'll call him.
19:43
Tim, No, I'm going to talk to him tomorrow.
19:45
So. So this pocket's gonna come out.
19:47
Well, after I'll let you know how the deal.
19:49
Goes OK, OK, OK. So Jim, he only has three
19:54
running backs on his team, one of which is Bucky Irvin, who's
19:58
really who was seen today at practice wearing a walking boot
20:01
and using. Crutches, so that can't be they.
20:06
Haven't ruled him out for Sunday, but there's there's.
20:13
No, holy shit. So if he if he goes, he's going
20:17
to get two other running backs. He's going to have to play Tony
20:19
Pollard, who I think plays for Tennessee.
20:21
And is Tony not telling about it?
20:23
But the Titans are terrible. Terrible.
20:27
Just the worst. The worst.
20:29
They're doing nothing. Yeah, they're doing nothing.
20:30
So you've got it. You've got this.
20:32
Guy and another guy who I think is like the third string running
20:36
back or somebody. So he's got nothing, he's going
20:38
to have nothing, but doesn't do something you want.
20:40
Yes, because I, my wide receivers aren't terrible.
20:45
I've got a Carolina wide receiver.
20:47
I've. Got the number one wide receiver
20:49
on Jacksonville and he's not doing crazy, but he's got the
20:54
number one guy for Seattle who's like the number seven overall
20:57
wide receiver and Justin Jefferson.
21:00
And I have no for a fact that Jim is a Packers fan, so I know
21:03
he doesn't want Justin Jefferson.
21:06
He doesn't want to have to. Root for Justin Jefferson.
21:08
So here's my deal. I'm going to try to give him a
21:10
running back for Justin Jefferson, right?
21:13
Let's see if he goes for it. I'm going to be interested if he
21:15
goes for it. If anybody knows Jim, don't warn
21:17
him. Abby's coming.
21:18
Nobody, nobody. Tell him.
21:20
Oh, this is airing after the deal is going to go down?
21:23
Exactly. Like I'm texting Dad, I'm like,
21:25
do you think that I could get? Do you think I could get you
21:30
know? Justin Jefferson.
21:32
Yeah. You know Justin Jefferson.
21:33
For for I had said a running back and a wide receiver and he
21:36
goes, you shouldn't even get it for running back because he
21:39
who's he going to pick up? Right, right.
21:41
There's nobody there because I went out picked up all the
21:43
people that he could have picked up.
21:45
Hey. Abby's always ahead of the game.
21:47
Way ahead. Yep.
21:48
So I had said I. Sent him this message today at
21:50
12:18. OK, Hello, my hello fellow
21:52
fantasy manager. Exclamation point.
21:55
I was just curious if you'd be interested in maybe doing a
21:57
little trade in this in the in the work league with a :)
22:02
because he doesn't know me as a fleecer.
22:03
He. Knows me, he doesn't know you.
22:05
Doesn't know me. Until, until you've been fleeced
22:10
by Abby, yes. He doesn't know that just yet,
22:13
but it's true. He goes, well, I said well trade
22:17
he goes. Agreed.
22:18
Seems like I have more wide receivers than I need and you
22:21
have more running backs and I go.
22:23
Indeed I do. Lol.
22:25
And he said, and so he had asked if I was in the office.
22:28
Yeah, I got a. The deal is going to be.
22:30
Tomorrow. OK, we'll see.
22:31
I don't know if he'll give up Jefferson.
22:33
I don't. How smart is he?
22:35
We'll see. It's not about smarts.
22:38
He's. Desperate you're also Abby also
22:41
is very good at at selling the deal.
22:44
I am, yeah. I.
22:45
I tell you what, I'm going to sell him on this deal.
22:46
He's going to come back and let me go.
22:48
Oh yeah, he's going to be. I'm going to have.
22:49
To go with him and you're trying to get.
22:51
You know, freaking yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:53
You can't let him know you're good at sales.
22:54
Yeah. No, that's true.
22:55
Well, that's just it. I'm like, he's he's going to be
22:58
like son of a bitch. I thought, Abby, I thought you
23:03
had my best interest at heart. Oh, foolish.
23:06
Don't ever think that it's not that.
23:08
Here's the thing. It's it's really not a
23:10
necessarily that I'm great at the deal.
23:13
I'm just really good at finding people's weakness absolutely and
23:16
then exploiting them. And that's, that's, you know.
23:18
That's all about sales, yeah. Do you recall in, in my father
23:23
in law's league that I was in for a long time, there was like
23:25
12 US Nelly and we all had to have two quarterbacks.
23:28
We all had to start 2 quarterbacks.
23:29
Had to start 2 quarterbacks and that's tough.
23:31
So here's the thing, listener, I don't know if you're doing the
23:34
math, but I'll do it for you. 12 teams means that there's 24
23:38
quarterbacks have to start. Starting Yeah now.
23:41
If you're not aware, there's only 32 teams in the NFL and so
23:47
only 30, and a team only plays one freaking quarterback, you
23:52
know. So it's not like a way you can
23:54
only play one at a time. You know, somebody gets hurt,
23:56
they'll like put somebody else a wide.
23:57
Receiver that they've got, like somebody's might have three wide
23:59
receivers. They've got them out there.
24:00
Yeah. They've got them out there at
24:01
the same time. Yeah, not.
24:02
Not several quarterbacks. So realistically, if everybody's
24:05
got 2 and then everybody's got a backup, there's not actually
24:10
there's four. We're 4 short.
24:12
Yeah, there's not enough for everybody to even have a backup.
24:14
And heaven forbid somebody gets hurt, you're going to take a
24:16
goose egg. You could not have more than 4
24:19
quarterbacks on your team at any given time.
24:24
Max was 4. So I would without a doubt draft
24:29
3 quarterbacks at a minimum. And then I would wait because
24:36
someone is inevitably going to get hurt.
24:39
And when that person gets hurt, I'm going to pick up their
24:41
backup because now that person's fucked unless they trade with
24:47
you, correct? Because unless that person had a
24:50
backup already, which again it. Might not be enough. 4 out of 12
24:55
people we know can't possibly have 3 quarterbacks.
25:00
So if it's one of those four, which is 1/3 of the league, if
25:04
one of their quarterbacks gets hurt, you ought to come talk to
25:07
me or you're going to take a goose egg for one of your
25:11
things. And I was completely willing.
25:14
I had AI had you and my brother-in-law.
25:18
I had him. Yep.
25:20
He he needed a quarterback really bad and I had a
25:25
quarterback. Though he had Did he join with
25:28
you? Nope.
25:29
Nope, he wouldn't do it because he's he's.
25:30
Stubborn wouldn't do it. He goes, you want that for this
25:34
And I go, yes. And he goes, it's not worth
25:36
that. And I go, is it worth you taking
25:39
a 0 this week because I'm the only person who's offering you a
25:42
trade? He said no, he was like not
25:46
interested. I know stealing that line from
25:48
our our other friend and he took a zero wow rather than trade
25:54
with me. And I was like.
25:57
Have you pleased him before? That's the thing.
26:02
Nothing so my brother-in-law never wants to trade with that
26:05
cuz there's some people on the leaves that just don't ever
26:07
trade They just don't ever trade yeah use trade with other
26:08
people. They don't do a trade with me
26:10
and I'll be honest with you, I felt that the trade was more
26:14
than generous because while I agreed.
26:17
Well, he was gonna take a zero, right?
26:18
Yeah. Well, I agreed that the guy that
26:21
I was trading him, I wanna say Phillip Rivers.
26:23
I couldn't have possibly been Phillip Rivers.
26:24
He he wasn't actually in league at the time.
26:27
OK, well, he wasn't worth the guy I was asking for.
26:32
It's not like he had a plethora of good guys for me to choose
26:36
from. Like, listen, it's either this
26:37
guy or you have crap, so I'm going to ask for that guy.
26:41
You know I'm not. Asking for Christian McCaffrey
26:43
out here. I'm not.
26:44
Asking for the number one guy, you know what I mean?
26:47
I'm asking for, you know, OK, why do you see first?
26:51
I'm not willing to throw some stuff.
26:52
And I'm like, hey, give me the injured guy.
26:54
Whatever. I don't give a shit.
26:56
Nope. I'm gonna go for him.
26:57
Well. His loss, correct?
26:59
Because he did it. By Blues.
27:01
Not mean. Wow.
27:04
Well, don't be too stubborn. I finished third that year.
27:07
Oh, OK, OK, you finally climbed your way to the top.
27:10
Oh yeah, and then I stayed there.
27:12
And then said I'm out. No, no, I finished third that
27:14
year. The next year, then they changed
27:16
the rules again. I got pissed off and I said
27:18
fine, I'll just win it all. Quite literally, yeah.
27:23
It was a keeper league. You could only keep so many guys
27:25
for the year over, right? And I, they were like, well, if
27:30
it used to be you could not keep a guy that you had kept the year
27:34
before. And it was like, OK, great.
27:37
So if I kept Patrick Mahomes, then in that second year, at
27:41
some point I'm going to do a deal and trade him.
27:43
Because you can't keep him again.
27:45
Correct. I'm going to trade him with the
27:46
guy who's like Josh Allen or something like that, and then he
27:49
can keep Patrick Mahomes. I can keep Josh Allen, we call
27:51
it. And why wouldn't you?
27:52
Why wouldn't you make the trade so you can keep somebody new?
27:55
Wouldn't I? The fact that you were the first
27:57
person in that league, the thought of that.
27:59
I know I'm like, what? What?
28:01
What am I doing now? What are you then?
28:03
Then they got upset. They're like, well, that's not
28:05
the spirit of the rule. OK, well, I realized.
28:07
We were doing the spirit of the. Rule.
28:08
I'm playing the rule. What do you mean?
28:14
So they didn't like that. They didn't like that I was
28:16
trained and, you know, reeling a deal and then doing all this
28:20
stuff. And I'm like, you know, I come
28:21
in, I've got these great guys, the rapists and crap, blah,
28:24
blah, blah. Super mad because you worked.
28:26
Their system 100% and I kept finishing in the top and so then
28:30
they changed the rule. Now no one's allowed to keep a
28:33
guy that anybody kept the year before.
28:36
Oh Boo, freaking Boo, right. So now I had said.
28:40
Because I thought the two. Quarterback thing was not I
28:43
didn't care for that I. Was like you don't need to start
28:45
2 quarterbacks. Well, why don't you do
28:46
Superflex? Superflex means that you could
28:48
put a quarterback in your flex that way or whoever you want.
28:51
If your concern is that there are too many good quarterbacks
28:54
that are just not being used, put them in your flags and that
28:58
way somebody isn't getting fleeced by me because I'm
29:02
holding 4 quarterbacks, all right, right.
29:07
They have since done switched to that, but that was not the rule
29:09
and I was still there. No.
29:11
So this last year that I was in there, I was like, OK, you know
29:14
what they're like, this is the last year that you can keep
29:18
somebody that other people have kept fine.
29:21
So that I went out and I did a whole bunch of deals because the
29:24
guys that you couldn't keep, their value just immediately got
29:28
lower. Because if nobody could keep.
29:29
Them if you can't keep them, why would I?
29:31
Why would I want all of these guys on my team?
29:33
If I can't keep any of them for next year, I'm going to be Sol
29:36
in the draft. Well, I hadn't fully intended to
29:39
bow out, so wasn't my problem. It was whatever schmuck got
29:43
stuck with my team later. So I made all these deals and I
29:46
picked up a like the most stellar team that has ever
29:50
existed. The team was so stacked and the
29:52
guy only and the guys only gave them to you because they knew
29:55
they couldn't keep them because I and then they knew you
29:58
couldn't keep them. I knew I was dealing guys that
30:00
you could keep and I'm like here, take him.
30:02
I don't care. I don't care that he's.
30:04
I'm. Giving you the number four guy
30:07
#4 running back and you're giving me Krish McCaffrey
30:09
because you can keep him and I can't keep.
30:12
So they were making the deals. They're like fine, fine only to.
30:16
Only to realize too late that he was.
30:17
Stacked now he was completely stacked and I go into the
30:21
playoffs. I think I lost one game all
30:24
season and Luke 1 on a fluke on a fluke.
30:28
I think it was a bye week. You hate to see it and then you
30:30
crush everything. I think I, I think I was winning
30:33
games by 60 to 70 points every week.
30:36
And then I and then they were like Dave's like, Oh yeah, what
30:40
are you going to do for next? Year I go, I'm not playing, I'm
30:44
retiring, going out on top and then I don't have to worry about
30:48
these stupid rules. I think that the guy who got who
30:50
inherited my team, I'm not kidding, had to keep.
30:53
A defence and a kicker. Because because you couldn't
30:58
make any waiver wire moves after the season ended.
31:01
And so I had one guy that he could keep a kick, a kicker and
31:05
a defense. And that's what he we had to
31:06
keep. And I was like, sorry, Bomber.
31:09
Yeah. I'm like, man, it's almost like
31:11
those rules are fucking. Dumb.
31:13
Oh my God I was so over it. That is hilarious.
31:18
That's the sort of how I put together the best famous
31:20
football team that's ever. Of all times.
31:21
And then won and then. And retired.
31:24
Retired. Smart go out, go out on top.
31:26
I did. That's awesome.
31:27
And you know what? Goddamned it.
31:30
Awesome. Good for you.
31:32
Well, I have another story I've been holding on to tell, waiting
31:35
to tell you. OK, I don't know if it's true,
31:37
but I read it and I thought it was fine.
31:38
So, you know, we'll take it with a grain of salt.
31:40
OK, This doesn't happen in Saint Louis.
31:43
A 28 year old Panda Express cashier was arrested Friday.
31:48
Whatever. Friday, I don't know.
31:50
After the what the police described as a fortune cookie
31:54
frenzy. OK, the police described it as
32:00
that. Yep, I don't believe that for a
32:03
second. According to customers, Lily
32:05
Chen was bagging orders when a family asked for extra fortune
32:10
cookies for the kids. Chen allegedly slammed the
32:15
drawer shut and shouted One Meal 1 Destiny. 1.
32:24
Destiny, I'm dead, witnesses say.
32:31
She then climbed onto the counter, ripped open a handful
32:35
of cookies, and began reading the fortunes out loud in a
32:39
dramatic voice, tossing the slips of paper like confetti and
32:44
chanting. Fate cannot be multiplied.
32:53
Oh my God, Can you imagine this poor family's like we just
33:01
wanted an extra cookie for the king.
33:03
I'm like a dad with a baby and a Peppers and like maybe A5 and
33:08
A6. Year old I would like to get.
33:14
One meal, one death to me. Well, the police say that Chen
33:20
refused to step down from the counter until and from our
33:24
cashier. That's true until management
33:27
agreed to respect the prophecy of portion control anyway.
33:32
Until they take a drink. Oh my gosh.
33:35
Reactions were mixed. Some diners praised her for as
33:40
praised her as the guardian of authentic fortune BS I don't
33:44
believe in. Others complained that they just
33:46
wanted to finish. Orange chicken in peas that.
33:48
I don't believe that what I could I get to see this family
33:51
like slowly backing out at the restaurant.
33:53
Now here's my question. Get away from this crazy girl.
33:55
I don't know if she was hopped up on meth or I don't know what
33:58
now here is my other question though.
34:00
That's crazy. Was this family being a Dick?
34:06
Who knows? We don't know.
34:07
It's unclear. All we know is they asked for
34:10
extra fortune cookies. The only reason?
34:12
I bring it up is because I could see a restaurant worker who's
34:16
just had it. This family comes and they're
34:19
being all demanding and then they're like.
34:21
And we like to make check 4 check.
34:22
Cookies. And they're like, you know what?
34:24
I'm quitting. Stands up.
34:25
Yeah, that's it. Respect the proposition of
34:30
portion control. I'm dead.
34:33
So I thought that was pretty funny.
34:34
I was like, I got to save this story and tell Tammy.
34:37
That's very funny, even with another story.
34:38
Because it took a long time. I have several.
34:40
I have Do you recall the book we read about?
34:44
Is it Marcellus? Marcellus the help me the name
34:50
he was an octopus. What was the name of that book?
34:53
Remarkably break. OK, OK, so this this is actually
34:59
Marcellus's story can't maybe came to live What Marcellus was
35:03
trying to do actually happened at a New Zealand, New Zealand
35:08
aquarium. OK, the ultimate jailbreak
35:12
story. Inky, a perfectly ordinary
35:15
octopus, vanished overnight, leaving nothing but a wet trail
35:19
and a slightly open tank lid. Good for him.
35:21
No one saw him leave, yet somehow he was gone.
35:25
This Here's the insane part. Inky climbed out of his tank,
35:29
crawled across the floor and squeezed through a pipe only
35:33
150mm wide and about 50 meters long.
35:40
OK, so he's got to. He's got to go this whole way.
35:44
It's narrower than a standard ruler, OK, and longer than a
35:49
swimming pool. Yeah, he made it all the way to
35:53
the ocean. Good.
35:55
Yeah, no damage to the place, you know, he didn't break
35:58
anything. No witnesses.
36:00
Just pure cephalopod genius. Good for him.
36:04
Well, and octopuses are the master of escape.
36:07
You know this. And they squeeze through.
36:09
They can. Tiny.
36:10
Tiny. Yes, they can squeeze.
36:11
Through anything that their beak can.
36:13
Fit through right, they said. The octopuses are also very,
36:16
very smart. They can solve puzzles, open
36:18
jars and even remember things for months.
36:21
Yes, Inky basically treated his tank like a lock cell and
36:25
decided freedom was worth the risk.
36:28
And they made it. Staff at the aquarium pieced
36:30
together the escape from the trail that he left from the open
36:33
lid. Inky was never found again.
36:36
He actually made it to the ocean and people cheered on this tiny
36:40
Houdini. That is hilarious.
36:42
Good for him. Fun fact, octopuses have three
36:45
hearts. They have blue blood and can
36:47
change color and texture to blend them perfectly.
36:49
Yes. Combine that with his brain
36:51
power and you get the ultimate escape artist.
36:53
That's true. That's so awesome.
36:55
He actually got away. Good for Inky.
36:57
Here's a picture. I don't know if that's actually
36:59
Inky, but they put a picture. It's inky and the brain.
37:02
So I thought, Oh my gosh, one of the an actress actually pulled
37:07
off a daring escape, pulled off of the daring escape like poor
37:11
Marcellus was trying to do. Well, that is such.
37:13
Oh, by the way. You know what?
37:18
I've. Decided I had a very good, I had
37:22
a very good transition. I'm going to tell you, you said
37:28
My Autobiography may be written by somebody else.
37:32
And I said and I was like, oh, not unless it's by a ghost
37:35
writer. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, OK, OK.
37:38
But Speaking of. Of the books we've read for the
37:40
book club, we just finished another book.
37:43
We did. Let me tell you this really
37:44
fast, actually. Well, let me find it.
37:47
Sorry, I've lost it. I heard this.
37:50
I've read this story and I'm again, I never, I never fact
37:54
checked because I just don't care enough.
37:55
Yeah, and I just. Well, you don't hear you don't
37:58
come to serious news of the facts, right you?
38:00
Come to hear the headline. Right, exactly since New Zealand
38:05
had the nerve to put, you know, millimeters and meters in that
38:07
story, how dare for fucks. You know, we're arrogant
38:10
Americans and we still use inches and feet.
38:14
But the imperial system? The supposedly, according to
38:17
this post, pirates. Of the Caribbean.
38:21
Stopped the United States from switching to the metric system.
38:28
OK. So in 19, No.
38:29
No. In 1793, sorry, my dyslexic
38:32
brain, it was in 1973. Seventeen.
38:35
In 1793, France sent scientists Joseph Dombi to America with
38:42
kilogram and meter prototypes to help the US adopt the metrics.
38:47
The British pirates captured his ship in the Caribbean and the
38:51
US? Never.
38:53
Never learned we never learned metric.
38:55
Sounds like Irish pirates sounds like it was the Brit.
39:00
It was they were they were refusing to to let us learn it
39:04
as my fault. Everyone's like Oh my God, I
39:06
can't believe that fucking Americans don't have a fucking
39:08
metric system. British people, British pirates
39:11
stopped it. Yeah, the whole world I think
39:14
uses the whole world does not use it.
39:17
Don't let them lie to. You.
39:18
Oh, really? OK, OK.
39:19
All right. Well, anyway, I just thought
39:21
that was funny. Whether it's true or not, I
39:24
don't know, but I thought it was funny, OK.
39:29
I'll tell you right now. Let's talk about the book we
39:30
just read. Liberia and Myanmar also don't
39:34
use. OK, so we're not alone in our
39:37
arrogant. That's.
39:37
About it. Fantastic.
39:41
OK, so the book we just read, yeah, everyone on.
39:47
This train is a suspect. The second in the series we read
39:51
everybody in my family has killed someone very good.
39:54
It was very good. And the second book is everyone
39:57
on this train is a suspect. And it was also very I thought
40:01
it was good. I really liked it.
40:02
Yes. Yeah, I've liked both so far.
40:04
100% this. It's so different than any other
40:09
type of mystery I've ever read. Such a different style.
40:11
Agreed. Because it the author is is the
40:17
main character. He writes it like he's the
40:21
author. No, it's not.
40:22
It's he writes like the true autobiographical story kind of
40:26
thing. It's not, of course, but that's
40:29
how it's written. And he's writing it like he's
40:31
talking to the reader the whole time and like, like you guys are
40:34
working together to solve the mystery, which is really fun.
40:38
It is. It's very good.
40:40
But yeah, I thought it was good. I honestly it it was like the
40:47
first one in the sense like the same like main character, the
40:50
same kind of tone, but the story was so different than the first
40:55
one that I didn't really compare them.
40:57
I I not really much fully. And that's true 100%.
41:01
I was, I think I was surprised again at like the the moments of
41:10
like, oh, like that really like emotionally got me in this book.
41:14
And I don't know why I was surprised with that because the
41:16
same thing happened in the 1st. 1.
41:19
You know, you have your the moments with like the mom and
41:21
the mom, the first one and the kids and all this kind of stuff.
41:24
And and this one, it's a similar, the one author, I don't
41:30
want to say a spoiler, but you know, you know, yes, I know
41:35
she's done dirty. Yeah, yeah, we don't have this.
41:39
Go go read it. We don't want to do That's what
41:40
I mean. I'm not I'm not giving the
41:41
spoilers. Yeah, but like I said in the
41:43
first one, there's the mom and and the shit that happens to her
41:46
yes. And then in the second one,
41:48
there's the the author that that she gets done dirty.
41:50
And in both of these, I was like surprised at how like affected I
41:55
was, but it's because. It up until those points, it's a
41:57
very funny, light parted book. There's funny parts and you know
42:01
then of course the mystery too that that he has to solve.
42:04
Of course he he doesn't. He narrate his read them like
42:07
because we did e-books and I think he reads the author reads
42:09
is. It the author.
42:10
I thought it was, I'm going to have to look, but the author is
42:13
Benjamin Stevenson who is from Australia.
42:15
He actually is also a stand up comedian.
42:18
Did you know that? I you know what?
42:20
I believe it. I believe it.
42:22
Good for him. Let me pull this up.
42:24
Yep, you talk about the book. OK, so the book I loved it the
42:31
you know how when you're reading a mystery or listening to an
42:33
e-book, however you want to do it, you're trying to solve it.
42:37
Of course some people try to solve it.
42:39
I guess some people just read it for we always try to solve it.
42:43
And I tell you what, he's so clever the way he writes and he
42:46
tells you clues. He tells you look for this and
42:48
look for this, you know, and I'm still like, we'll talk to each
42:52
other and we'll kind of try to hash it out like who we think is
42:55
has done the murders and this, that and the other.
42:58
And then by the time we get done talking, we literally are like,
43:01
we have no clue. We're clueless.
43:02
We're so I'm like, I'm so confused.
43:04
I don't know who did anything not.
43:06
And so, yeah, he, I think the author is, is a very unique
43:09
style of writing a mystery. And I, I love it.
43:13
I think it's awesome. But this one was obviously about
43:14
a train trip across, across Australia.
43:18
He is not the narrator. He's not the narrator.
43:20
I thought he was, but that's OK. Sorry, I'm a liar, but but it
43:23
was great. I really loved it.
43:24
And so I recommend highly recommend hit this series.
43:28
I think it's called the Ernest if you want to look up Ernest
43:30
Cunningham series, it'll tell you all of those our look up
43:32
Benjamin Steven Stevenson and he'll they'll have a list of the
43:36
of the series and books that he's written, but.
43:39
There's a third one, I think you were saying.
43:41
I think there's I, yeah, I can't remember how.
43:42
Many. Well, there's I'll tell you
43:43
right now. Well, there is a third one
43:45
that's out right now, but it's a Christmas 1, so I was going to
43:47
hold off until closer to Christmas.
43:48
OK, cool. That's everyone.
43:50
This Christmas has a secret. Oh, OK, fine.
43:52
And. Then there's another one that is
43:54
coming out, they believe in January of 2026 to be
44:00
determined. That book is called Everyone in
44:06
This Bank Is a Thief. Awesome.
44:07
We're definitely gonna have to read that.
44:08
One, but absolutely have to read.
44:09
That one Benjamin Stevenson OK, we'll have to read the Christmas
44:13
1 so. Coming up, follow author.
44:15
Yeah, for sure. What else he got?
44:16
Anything. But I love how he puts the funny
44:18
stuff in there too, and it's it's excellent.
44:21
Yeah, he does have some other books.
44:23
But I I don't know how I was literally blown up like.
44:26
I saw this story and I literally just found it just remarkable.
44:32
OK. And then we read this book and.
44:39
The trade one. And then I was like, Oh my gosh,
44:42
I have to tell Abby this, OK, a story because it's, it's
44:47
incredible. So this young man, OK, buys a
44:51
house, OK in Australia, already off to a terrible start
44:56
unfortunately in this market. I know.
44:59
Well he's in Australia so hopefully it's better there.
45:01
But he buys his the house and then discovers a model train set
45:08
under his house. This is Papa's dream.
45:12
I know it runs the entire length and width of his house
45:18
underneath. OK, I kid you not.
45:21
And I hope not. He, they, they believe that the
45:25
previous owner's father built this down there in like the 60s.
45:31
Oh, OK. I don't know if the previous
45:32
owner knew it was there, but they, the guy never knew it was
45:35
there the whole time. They went and looked at the
45:37
house and, you know, bought it. And then all of a sudden, all of
45:40
a sudden he finds it underneath the house.
45:42
That is really funny. Isn't that wild?
45:44
That is insane. That is insane.
45:47
And so he, I'm going to find it. I can't find it now but I want I
45:52
want to show it. I'm going to show it to you and
45:54
I'll have to post a picture but it's literally the whole length
45:57
and width of the house. Is this model train set?
46:00
Or nilly post a picture of that. Now The funny thing is this guy
46:04
is a train engineer. Legit.
46:07
That's really funny. Legit works for the train system
46:12
in in Australia. He works for the train.
46:14
I don't know what it's called. He rides the rails.
46:20
He's a train engineer. He's.
46:22
A OBO. So he's like, he's a trainer,
46:26
he's a, he's crazy excited that he's found this under there and
46:30
his friends have come over and they're like, this is amazing.
46:32
So they're all hanging out in there.
46:34
So he has taken a year to clean it all cuz it's under the house.
46:40
Cleans it all up, rewires the whole thing.
46:44
Cleans up what they call the carriages.
46:46
We call them train cars. They call them the carriages.
46:48
If you recall from the book that we just read.
46:51
Cleans up the rehabs the carriages.
46:52
Like, gets it all in working order again, and it works.
46:57
And so he's like, yeah, I'm just hope this is, like, a fun
46:59
hangout place for my friends to come over.
47:01
And, you know, that's really funny.
47:02
Isn't that crazy? That's so funny.
47:04
I thought that was such an awesome story.
47:06
I was like, Can you imagine? My dad would like, you know, be
47:10
in heaven. Yes.
47:11
I felt in the secret train. Train.
47:13
Absolutely. Under his house.
47:16
Although it would be tough to get down under there.
47:17
I don't know how they get down, you know?
47:19
You see, under the house maybe, like I noted, like a crawl space
47:22
maybe. They crawl in.
47:23
I saw him like go in there under the house.
47:25
I'm like, it's open to the elements, though.
47:27
I'm like, yeah, I don't know how.
47:29
Maybe in maybe where he lives and I'll show you it's not very
47:32
rainy or something. And so I don't.
47:33
Know, but you're taking your life in your own hands with
47:36
wildlife. It's true coming in.
47:38
I'll tell you what, that's true in Australia.
47:40
God Dang. Well, let me tell you something
47:42
tough. Actually, this is a perfect
47:44
transition. OK, awesome.
47:45
Let me tell you about. Taking your life in your own
47:47
hands. OK I have the absolute shit
47:50
scared out of me driving home 2 days ago.
47:54
Really. Yes.
47:55
OK, Monday. That's terrible.
47:57
OK, I'm driving along. OK.
48:00
So I'm I need you to keep in mind that I am on Interstate 70,
48:07
right? For this story OK, which is
48:09
terrible busy. Yeah, during rush hour traffic,
48:12
we all fly along. I mean, it's going less than. 70
48:15
miles. Of course not.
48:16
It's no Chicago traffic, but still it's, you know, busy.
48:18
Busy I. Look over and there is a truck.
48:22
I had a pickup truck legal. Ford, whatever.
48:24
OK, 4 door extended cab. Yeah, OK.
48:28
Full of crap in the in the bed of the truck.
48:31
I mean whole ass big giant tires, things like that, all
48:35
this stuff. And then I jump out of my skin
48:40
because a man is back there. There is a man sitting nestled
48:45
between 2 tires. His legs are up, he's cuddly,
48:48
crayoled, and I can see him. And I look at my speedometer and
48:51
I'm going allegedly. 7 and he can't prove it 70.
48:57
To 75 miles an hour, passing him slowly so he's going at least.
49:01
Seven. Yeah, yeah, got to be and.
49:03
There's on the Interstate. You're right in the back.
49:06
Of the truck in the bed of the truck that's so dangerous scared
49:11
the piss out of. Me.
49:13
Oh my gosh. I'm like, that is the most
49:17
dangerous thing I have ever seen anybody do.
49:21
Well, this little kid just walked out in front of me and I
49:23
had no stop sign. So that kid just took his life
49:24
to something else. I was driving here.
49:25
I'm. Like what the fuck dude I have
49:27
no stop sign. Somebody right in the back watch
49:29
the fuck going 70 miles an hour on Interstate 70 in a Russian.
49:33
Rush hour? No.
49:35
Can you imagine if somebody hit that guy and then that guy?
49:38
Flies out. Can you imagine if somebody
49:41
comes with a complete stop and he's got slam with his brakes?
49:43
That guy's dead. I mean, I'm going to tell you
49:45
that there's really terrible. Scenarios.
49:46
There's a single situation in which that man survives any kind
49:50
of accident on that run. No, Yeah.
49:52
Well, thank God he didn't. I'm glad.
49:53
That I have no idea. I'm glad you didn't.
49:55
I don't know what happened. I'm.
49:56
Glad you didn't witness it. No.
49:58
Yikes. Yikes.
50:00
You know when I was a kid, anything goes, right?
50:02
There's no seatbelts. Right in the back of a truck.
50:04
Before, well you know you illegally but probably just like
50:08
but not on an Interstate going 7 miles an hour.
50:10
Oh God no. It was to go up to the around
50:12
the block, up to the school or something.
50:14
We get above 3035. Not even.
50:17
Yeah, I remember we'd ride in the back of my friend's truck,
50:20
my friend's dad's truck, like she was, you know, like her
50:23
parents were divorced and so she had to go see her dad on the
50:25
weekends and she didn't want to go.
50:26
So she would always have me come along.
50:27
And he lived down on the farm. So he'd come pick us up and we'd
50:30
climb in the back of the truck and ride out to the farm.
50:32
Well, as we get on the lane to go to the go to the farm, there
50:35
it crossed railroad tracks and you know what ifs I'm in the I
50:40
don't think anything of it. He flies over the wheelchecks.
50:42
We'd fly up in the air and then slam back down into the truck
50:45
and I hit my head on on the tailgate.
50:48
That was the last time I rode the back of a truck.
50:50
Oh yeah. I was like, well.
50:51
That dad this, what a fucking moron.
50:54
Yeah, I have a big goose. Egg on the back of my head.
50:59
I can't. Imagine going on the mall.
51:00
I'm sitting in the van, this motherfucker's truck.
51:02
Yeah, but I mean, again, you see the pictures of kids laying in
51:06
the way back of a station wagon or up.
51:08
We did all that, you know, there was, there were no seatbelts or
51:12
anything. Apparently that's a law by
51:14
state. Did not riding pickup trucks.
51:17
In the in the bend. Yeah.
51:19
Oh, the state, really. It's not.
51:21
Yeah, because we're driving around in Hawaii.
51:24
Everybody's riding. OK, interesting.
51:26
Because. And I'm like, there's no way.
51:30
Hold on. Is it legal to ride in the bed
51:35
of a truck? So you'll Google.
51:36
It it is legal to ride in the back of a truck in Illinois, but
51:39
it it's a legal requirement to use a seat belt.
51:42
I was like, you can't, you have to wear your seat belt.
51:47
So, so it says Illinois requires all passengers in the vehicle,
51:51
including in the open bed of a pickup truck, to use a seat
51:54
belt. So it's like you could be in.
51:56
Bed if it had a seat. Belt You had a seat belt I.
51:59
Was like where did he get the seat belt?
52:02
I'm dead. That's really funny.
52:07
Oh my gosh. Laws, or here we go States with
52:10
no laws against it. A significant number of states
52:14
include Here we go. OK.
52:16
Well, that's not This is states with no laws against it, that's
52:20
not. This isn't this isn't true.
52:21
Well, isn't the seat belt a federal law?
52:23
Isn't that across the board? That I don't know.
52:26
Clear ticket was, I believe, an Illinois.
52:27
Thing. So oh, here we go.
52:30
Seatbelts are The federal government requires
52:33
manufacturers to obviously manufacture a car with
52:36
seatbelts, and then the states establish their own laws if you
52:40
have to, if you have to wear it or not, yeah.
52:42
Well, so states with no laws against riding the bed of a pick
52:44
a truck include Alabama, Alaska, Delaware, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa,
52:48
Kentucky, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, New
52:50
Hampshire, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Vermont,
52:53
Washington, WV, and Wyoming. Note that I didn't say Hawaii.
52:58
And you didn't say Missouri and you were in Missouri when that
53:02
guy was running. Here's the thing, most states
53:04
have a seat belt law. So they don't have the outlaw
53:07
riding in the truck, but of the truck because you can't ride in
53:10
a vehicle without wearing a seat belt.
53:13
So that's why they don't have a law against it.
53:15
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I remember my mom, like, you can't ride back
53:17
in the truck. That's not that's that's against
53:19
the law. Well, it's actually technically,
53:21
technically not, but you don't have a seat belt on, so that is.
53:24
This is really funny. In Arkansas, it's mostly no.
53:28
It's illegal except for employees as part of their job.
53:35
What job? I don't, I don't know what job
53:38
is like, yeah, hop on the back of the truck.
53:41
Like trash pick up, but that's not you're not riding in the bed
53:43
of a truck. That's really funny.
53:46
Do you know that there's only one state that doesn't have a
53:48
seat belt? Mandatory seat belt law.
53:51
Who? One state?
53:52
New Hampshire. They take it out in their own
53:55
name. I'll tell you what the only
53:56
state but child passengers they do, but the rest of them and the
54:02
District of Columbia you have to wear your seat belt.
54:05
So isn't that interesting in? Hawaii.
54:08
It's only allowed for passengers 13 and older.
54:10
If there are no available seats in the cab, Sides and tailgate
54:13
must be enclosed and passengers must be seated.
54:16
Exceptions include emergencies and parades.
54:22
OK, now I get that because emergencies and parades, I love
54:29
that so much. But it's true.
54:32
Think about Everett parade. You've ever been to someone's
54:34
riding the back of a truck and parades that sentence, that
54:40
sentence, it's so good. It's so good.
54:46
That sounds good. Imagine they got to make the
54:48
assumption because what are you going to do?
54:49
The police going to the police going to interrupt the parade
54:51
and arrest everybody in the back of a truck?
54:52
I don't think so The. Book of police truck has got
54:55
people in the. Back of it.
54:58
I can tell you something, you could slap that sentence on to
55:01
the end of any. Law, any law, and it'd be
55:03
fantastic. Murder is illegal.
55:05
Exceptions. Emergencies.
55:20
You can't commit perjury except for an emergency and parades.
55:28
I'm saying it's really good, man.
55:32
Oh my God. That's good.
55:34
OK. You can slap those on the 10
55:36
commandments too. OK, You shall covet your
55:38
neighbour's life. I looked up some quirky laws
55:50
because some states have been lost.
55:51
OK, so. Apparently New Hampshire.
55:54
No, see fellow, I got to tell you this is for another podcast,
55:57
but I got another fun fact about New Hampshire that I've been
56:00
wanting to discuss with you. But we're going to save it.
56:02
Hold back and save and make sure apparently is freaky.
56:04
Oh, no seatbelts. Another freaky new OK OK, a lot
56:10
In Alaska, it is against the law to push a live moose out of a
56:13
moving airplane and. The only reason why that's the
56:18
law is because somebody fucking did it.
56:22
So then they had to outlaw, right?
56:28
This guy's my witness. I thought Moose could fly.
56:30
And shipping him out the airplane.
56:34
Holy shit. OK, OK, OK.
56:39
OK. Next one.
56:42
He can't even read it. Oh, he's still lying about the
56:46
Moose. OK.
56:47
OK. OK.
56:51
For in Connecticut, OK, for a pickle to officially be
56:56
considered a pickle, it must bounce.
56:58
What? Exceptions include emergencies
57:06
they can't sell in the store and call it a pickle unless it
57:09
bounces. Do they test all the Pickles?
57:11
Do they have a bounce test? Unclear.
57:13
Unclear. OK.
57:14
In Alabama. OK.
57:15
Brown Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
57:18
Oh, acceptance included. Emergencies, I wonder but But
57:22
only brown bears, not black bears or pandas or it's true,
57:27
but they're good in the panda from the from the Chinese
57:29
though, man, they hoard those things.
57:37
You got to sign a contract and everything.
57:40
God bless. In Toledo?
57:42
Toledo. Where's Toledo?
57:44
Ohio, thank you. It's a misdemeanor to throw or
57:52
pitch, dock, toss or bat a ball in the street.
57:56
Oh no, straight ball. Wow, you can't even go out and
58:03
play catching the street all the time when I was a kid on Toledo.
58:06
Damn. Not Toledo's strict they're.
58:08
Strict. God.
58:10
Golly, they're strict. OK.
58:14
Any other ones? Oh, sure, I'm sure there is.
58:16
Let's see. Can I find Illinois?
58:18
Is There's got to be some Illinois ones, OK?
58:20
Oh, boy. There's quite a few.
58:24
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be
58:28
called master, not Mr. when addressed by their female
58:31
counterparts. That actually exists in the
58:34
state. That's what this strange state
58:36
laws.pdf says. OK, in let's see, in Eureka, you
58:48
know. Eureka.
58:48
Yeah, I know where Eureka. Is a man with a mustache may not
58:51
kiss a woman? Unless he gets a mustache
58:55
shield. Except for an emergency.
58:59
Oh man, take advantage of that parade exception.
59:03
They're out there kissing all the women.
59:07
All the women law. Forbids in a place that is on
59:10
fire. Oh my God, you have a lot.
59:14
Oh my. Probably.
59:16
You know, like I said, you got lost because some dumbass was
59:19
sitting in the fire eating their sandwich and be like, I'll be
59:21
right out. I'll finish, finish the
59:27
sandwich. Shoot the fire department.
59:29
We're not making them get out sooner because, you know, I
59:32
don't know their family suit or something because they died in
59:34
there. You know what can't fix dumbass?
59:37
You just can't, can't fix it that Matthew just can't.
59:42
You could try, but you waste a lot of time in Illinois, OK?
59:46
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats and
59:53
other domesticated animals kept off heads.
59:56
A lighted cigar. Cigarettes.
1:00:00
Wiggles. Pie gummy pie pie gummies a
1:00:03
blunt of all acceptable cigars. They draw the line.
1:00:09
Draw the line in Cigar. Let me say something.
1:00:13
I saw this funniest painting I've ever seen in my life.
1:00:15
Dogs sitting around playing poker.
1:00:17
Yes. OK, we're going to we're going
1:00:19
to recreate it. Get your dogs.
1:00:21
Get your dogs. OK, hold on.
1:00:22
They. Probably burned some down and
1:00:24
then they're all in there eating and they're in big trouble and
1:00:30
it's 2 laws except for the parade we got to do.
1:00:33
You know what? Let's get a homecoming parade.
1:00:35
We're going to get a truck. We're all going to ride in the
1:00:37
bed. We're going to get a bunch of
1:00:38
dogs. We're going to smoke cigars.
1:00:39
No. That's not that's not an
1:00:41
exception of the exception we're.
1:00:44
Going to say it is. We're going to say no, we're
1:00:46
going. To say it is, we're going to say
1:00:49
this. Like the police know the laws.
1:00:51
Like the police? Like the police know the law.
1:00:57
OK, you got any more? Are you good?
1:01:00
According to state law, it is illegal to speak English.
1:01:03
The officially recognized language is American.
1:01:05
That's not, that's not there's American isn't even a that's not
1:01:09
even a recognizable language. Possible What?
1:01:13
That's fake news. That's that.
1:01:16
Like Trump made that shit up or something.
1:01:18
Hold on. There's no.
1:01:19
There's no. Oh, hold on, I guess we're going
1:01:25
to be proved wrong. English is the language.
1:01:29
That we speak. Though American as the official
1:01:34
language of the United States. By by Washington Jay McCormick.
1:01:37
What year was this 1923? Yeah, hold on.
1:01:40
I'm reading. I'm reading everyone in the
1:01:42
Hill. The bill died in committee.
1:01:46
Oh for the country, although it was adopted later that year by
1:01:50
the state of Illinois. Oh, they tried to, they tried to
1:01:54
pass in the state. They Oh my God.
1:01:58
Wow. OK, well, you know.
1:02:02
Official language of Illinois that this can't.
1:02:06
Really like American. What the hell?
1:02:10
How do they divine American define it?
1:02:13
What did I say divine? What the hell I don't.
1:02:21
Know OK the first the first official language was American
1:02:27
in 1923. In the in where Illinois.
1:02:31
Oh OK wow. In 1969, another act replaced
1:02:37
American with English. We'll get this one.
1:02:39
There is no distinct language called American.
1:02:42
There is something called American English, which is a
1:02:47
dialect of the English language spoken in the United States,
1:02:49
correct. So it's it's American English
1:02:53
developed, is developed by combining elements of various
1:02:56
English dialects, which is anybody who's like, if you look
1:02:58
at any English speaking country, they have their own way of
1:03:03
speaking in English and they even have different words for
1:03:06
different things. You know, we don't call the
1:03:07
bathroom malou kind of, you know, that kind of thing.
1:03:09
Yeah. So yeah, there's no fucking
1:03:11
American. It's American English, you
1:03:13
morons. Yeah.
1:03:15
I'm dead. What?
1:03:17
I am. I am.
1:03:20
It's not even the language. It's more called a dialect.
1:03:23
I got one more thing to tell you, so go ahead.
1:03:25
Four women may not rent an apartment.
1:03:27
Together in Missouri, Allegedly. OK, allegedly.
1:03:32
Although I kind of believe that one about Missouri.
1:03:35
I do too. OK, go ahead.
1:03:37
I'm gonna look it up. OK, Well.
1:03:39
I guess I'll give you. One more while you're looking it
1:03:41
up, OK? In Massachusetts, in massive,
1:03:45
huge shits, people at Awake OK mourners may eat no more than
1:03:54
three sandwiches. Who's eating three sandwiches to
1:03:58
begin with? But depends on how big.
1:04:00
If it's a little Dallas sandwich, you're right.
1:04:04
We're talking about foot long. Like you know who's eating 3
1:04:07
foot long? Oh my gosh, like that's really
1:04:16
funny. That's hilarious.
1:04:17
You can eat that roller is no more than three sandwich.
1:04:23
I'm like, if we talk about like Arby's roast beef.
1:04:25
Oh. Now hold on, hang on.
1:04:28
Again, back to the women renting, OK?
1:04:29
No, it is generally not illegal for four women to rent an
1:04:32
apartment together, though the myth of brothel law restricting
1:04:38
this is a persistent rumor, particularly in college towns.
1:04:45
I'm going to bring two more. Massachusetts, you're coming in
1:04:47
hot right now, OK. Or sorry, I guess it's 3 real
1:04:51
quick. So one, it is illegal to
1:04:53
frighten a pigeon. To frighten a pigeon.
1:04:57
Wow. It is illegal to put tomatoes in
1:04:59
clam chowder. Oh well, OK, that should be
1:05:02
legal. And this one.
1:05:04
So I've been saying all these except exceptions include
1:05:09
emergencies. Braids.
1:05:12
OK, OK. This one says in Massachusetts,
1:05:15
it is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday, regardless of
1:05:18
emergencies. Only so it only is all right,
1:05:27
It's a white. Car, parade officer, it's
1:05:29
whatever. Your baby's shitting everywhere.
1:05:33
You can't bring diapers. Are you crazy?
1:05:37
To deliver, to deliver, but you could just bring him over.
1:05:44
Baby's got diarrhea bad. You don't even know.
1:05:50
Don't even know. Don't go in there.
1:05:52
Your mom comes up OK OK Speaking of babies, as we know I tried we
1:06:07
tried to be political on here. Well, but our esteemed
1:06:11
president, that's the word esteemed in.
1:06:14
President in that. I agree, trying to be polite for
1:06:17
anybody who has as our current president.
1:06:19
There you go. As our current president has
1:06:21
announced that Tylenol causes autism if taken while pregnant.
1:06:28
So Liv asked me the other day if I took Tylenol while I was
1:06:31
pregnant with her, and I said only when I was really hungover.
1:06:34
That's really good. That's really good.
1:06:40
Oh man, Tylenol does not cause autism.
1:06:45
Please don't believe that bullshit anyway.
1:06:47
And you also did not drink while you were pregnant.
1:06:48
Do not drink. I did not drink while I was
1:06:50
pregnant. I was never hungover while
1:06:52
pregnant. It's a joke.
1:06:53
I was never. I was a very responsible
1:06:55
drinker. I was pregnant.
1:06:56
I never hungover. Never hungover.
1:07:00
I didn't drink or drive either. And I always.
1:07:03
Had a DD? It's true.
1:07:05
It's true. Did you?
1:07:06
I must have taken Tylenol because you were dying.
1:07:08
You had to take Tylenol. That was the only one that was
1:07:11
approved. You couldn't take.
1:07:12
Yeah, let's see that you couldn't take.
1:07:13
Profen, I mean, I well and you and again go freaking
1:07:16
gallbladder. It's trying to leave.
1:07:17
That's true, that's true. I was like, there is no way she
1:07:19
wasn't taking Tylenol. With me, but again, it was this,
1:07:22
you know, every pregnant woman most I I mean, I was anyway,
1:07:26
they tell you obviously you. Only ibuprofen.
1:07:30
Only you only. Take it when you absolutely need
1:07:32
it, though. Yeah, and that's just like
1:07:33
anything. Anything in excess is going to
1:07:35
cause you a problem. But that's so true.
1:07:37
Most pregnant women aren't taking buckets full of Tylenol,
1:07:40
OK? And even if they were, it still.
1:07:44
Doesn't cause autism, right? And it, you know, if it, if you
1:07:47
were taking that much Tylenol, it would be causing maybe other
1:07:49
problems, other problems too. So yes, there's no, there's no
1:07:52
link. Everybody relax, everyone relax.
1:07:55
So, yeah, I ever see everything in moderation, folks.
1:07:59
You know, that's the way it works.
1:08:01
All right, I guess I I guess we better go.
1:08:05
Your dad was making pork steaks for us.
1:08:06
So, yeah, I don't know about you, but over this, I'm going to
1:08:08
eat some serious. Oh, man, that's not beef.
1:08:10
Shoot, I had a good Safeway. I'm gonna eat some serious pork.
1:08:18
Thank you a lot. Sorry, sorry.
1:08:22
OK, But you guys remember this. I'm gonna eat some serious beef.
1:08:28
It's some serious Tylenol.