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Breathe, Label, Re-anchor: How Not to Punch Your Boss · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Fight, flight or finally free.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Now that's the choice every nervous system gets to make when that pressure rises in our life.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: And most of us know fight we also are really familiar with flight but freedom, now that's a skill.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: And today, on Fierce Encouragement, I'm going to show you how you can train in that.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: This is Mark Walker.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: This is Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: This is the podcast where we use Fierce Encouragement to build a better life from the inside out and really embody that life we want to live instead of living on autopilot.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Now, not too long ago, I was working with someone who admitted something new and raw in the conversation we were having.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: They said out loud well, when it got too hard for me at home, I literally left.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I flew away.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I couldn't take the pressure, the conflict, the heat, the arguments.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I thought I was done, but then I came back because I didn't want to lose that part of my life.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Now that's flight and the nervous system was screaming get me out of here.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Right, like, just run away, get away from the difficulty.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: And sometimes, when the fight shows up, it's just as strong.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: We can raise our voice, we can slam a door, we can yell, we can attack people personally and words can come up that can't really be taken back.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Now our body thinks it's protecting us.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Our brains go into a mode of protection, really getting down to that lizard brain, as they say, where we think we need to fight in this moment.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: But really that body, that brain that goes online, it's stealing choices from us, it's stealing our freedom Because we aren't choosing, we're reacting reflexively.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: But there's a third option here it isn't about fighting, it isn't about flying away, but it is about freedom.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: So here's the mindset reframe we don't have to conquer your nervous system.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: We need to notice, name it and negotiate with it and negotiate with it.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: So noticing might be like this oh, my chest is tight right now, my breathing is shallow.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: When we name it, it might be oh, this is fight, this is flight.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: And when we negotiate with it, we can say something like, hey, I'm safe right now.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I'm physically safe, I can stop and breathe a little slower and I can say to myself I can stay present because I'm safe.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: That's how we can turn our raw emotional reactions into freedom.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Our raw emotional reactions into freedom.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: It really doesn't happen by shaming ourselves more or by judging and being critical of ourselves.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: It's about catching that and it really doesn't happen just by forcing calmness either.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm really into breath work and regulating our nervous system.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: But when we make peace and notice where we're at and then name it and then kind of negotiate with it, we can literally make peace and regulate our body's alarm system and then we can guide it.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Because that freedom that we seek, it isn't about ignoring our nervous system, our freedom comes from working with it.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: So here's a practice, if you're up for it and really put this into play.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I think this fight or flight is something that is everywhere right, whether it's at work or in our relationships or even on the road.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: But I call this practice the 90-second breath and label sequence.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: So step number one breathe, inhale gently through your nose, exhale a little longer than your inhale, try to get that about four counts out.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: So the second step is to label On your exhale.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I want you to whisper or think of one word Fight or flight or fear.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Name what's happening in your body.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Step three re-anchor With your next breath, add a new word, something like safe, I'm here, calm, something really simple.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Practice this for 90 seconds.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: That's maybe 5, 10 breaths, maybe 12.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: That's it what happens when we practice this, our nervous system realizes we are not in physical danger, we are in training and in that small space our choice comes back online.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Try this Truly, truly.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Try this before you walk into a tough meeting or a crucial conversation in your life.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: A crucial conversation in your life.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Try this when you feel that urge to storm out of the house or to lose your anger on somebody.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Try this when you're scrolling through that crappy, bad, doom-scrolling news and you feel that your jaw is locking in tighter or you feel your shoulders reaching up to your ears.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: 90 seconds is literally enough to go from a hijacked state to a steady state, from an automatic kind of reflexive reaction to an intentional calm, to an intentional calm.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Remember, fight and flight are not bad.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: They are the survival tools that are in our brain and they've served us well.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: But survival is not the same as freedom.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: Freedom comes from when we can meet that signal that's coming from our brain, when we pause enough to notice it and breathe with it, and then we choose differently.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: So that's it, that's your week, this is your training, and it, it sounds and it kind of is.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: So give yourself permission to do this Notice, name it, negotiate with it and then really truly practice that 90-second breath and label sequence every time your body starts to react or scream for an escape.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: You're not alone, but you do have these tools at your disposal to practice, because here's the real, honest truth that I've seen in myself and that of my clients Freedom is a nervous system skill.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Let me say that again because it's honest and it's true your freedom is a nervous system skill.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: If this episode landed with you a fierce encouragement, I beg you, share it with somebody else who might be stuck in that fight or flight mode right now, maybe in their relationships, maybe at their job or maybe just with a doom scrolling.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Let them know they're not alone, they're not broken.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Let them know that they're in training.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Throw them that lifeline and, honestly, if you want to go deeper into your training with your nervous system, please check the link in the show notes and book a free consult with me.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Fight, flight or finally free, let's choose freedom.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate you sharing your time with me.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I hope you have a great day, a great evening, wherever you're at, and I will catch you the next time on fierce encouragement.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, take care of yourself.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Bye.