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Twilight Zone Writer's Room · Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: This week on the show Twilight Zone Writers.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: We go back in the vault to nineteen sixty one.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: As you know, Artists on Artists and Artists and Artists
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: has been doing this since the beginning of movies in
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: nineteen twenty three, and in a very special episode, we
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: gathered the writers of one of the most important and
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: influential episodes or one of TV shows excuse me, of
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: all time, the Twilight Zone.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: From nineteen fifty nine to nineteen sixty three.
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: The Twilight Zone was a notorious show for known for
• 0:39
  Speaker 4: its spins. It's twisted takes its ability to mess with
• 0:44
  Speaker 4: reality and the viewers' brains, and we sit down with
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: some of the best writers of the Twilight Zone to
• 0:50
  Speaker 4: pick their brains and see what makes them so twisted.
• 0:54
  Speaker 5: So put on your broken glasses to read your infinite books.
• 0:58
  Speaker 5: Spot that man on the play window, and prepare to
• 1:01
  Speaker 5: enter the Twilight Zone. Let's okay, okay, Well, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.
• 1:15
  Speaker 5: So good to see you. Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack Jack.
• 1:18
  Speaker 5: I can't believe it.
• 1:19
  Speaker 6: Tell you what Jack jail holding up the hair and
• 1:21
  Speaker 6: what happened something freak.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: We need to write that down.
• 1:24
  Speaker 5: When need to write that, Write that down, Write that down.
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: That's something you need to write down.
• 1:28
  Speaker 5: So you got to write that down. This is what
• 1:30
  Speaker 5: I call my gentleman. Right here, he is cooking. That's
• 1:33
  Speaker 5: what I call that cook.
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: Any day, Yeah, cooking jacket.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: It's absolutely nice to sit around with these giant microphones
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: and talk to you guys about process. We've been working
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: all day. Right, we just cracked an episode that's gonna
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: be quite Crackerjack.
• 1:46
  Speaker 5: Don't you think so, Jack, It's gonna be quite cracker Jack?
• 1:48
  Speaker 5: Don't I think so? Jack?
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Fuck, turn around and call me a cracker Jill.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: I don't introduce him to my wife. I'll tell you
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: that much.
• 1:55
  Speaker 5: I tell you that much for I'm a Scotch on
• 1:57
  Speaker 5: the rocks and he becomes a completely different gentleman. I'm
• 2:00
  Speaker 5: the single one, absolutely absolutely right. My wife would kill
• 2:05
  Speaker 5: me if she knew I was spending even an hour
• 2:07
  Speaker 5: with this fine fellow.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: Well you're doing that room every day?
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: Sorry, well lock me up.
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: Then my wife would absolutely murder me if she knew
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: what happened in this boys, writers.
• 2:17
  Speaker 6: Oh shut up, do you mind if I fucking like
• 2:20
  Speaker 6: my pipe?
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: I'd prefer if you smoke, you.
• 2:25
  Speaker 5: Don't mind at all. I'd say an apple a day
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: keeps the cigarette in a man's mouth.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: I think better with cigarette smoking, the airribituates in my belly.
• 2:33
  Speaker 6: Ah, you know, I got tobacco and bubble gum in
• 2:36
  Speaker 6: this thing.
• 2:37
  Speaker 5: What you got bubble gum flavored in your pipe?
• 2:40
  Speaker 7: Now?
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: Damn man? Say more?
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Oh and that's my name and that's the game.
• 2:45
  Speaker 6: Hi, guys, I'm Roger Bubblegum, and I've been in the
• 2:47
  Speaker 6: writer's room with these fine.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Men for about a couple of years now.
• 2:53
  Speaker 6: I'm I hail from the Rocks, and I'm so excited
• 2:58
  Speaker 6: to be here.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Where are you looking?
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: We're listening to your talk, besure, of course.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Look, I got an eye into the.
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: Rite that down, Rite that down, write that down.
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: We go, Here we go.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: I'm meaning inspired, I meanings fired.
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: Listen to this.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Listen to this.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: A man, a normal man, average man, just like you
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: and me, walks in the street.
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: He's walking in the street, see something.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: In the window. He sees something in the window. He
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: thinks something's unusual. He looks right at it, and he
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: says what is that thing right there? He looks closer
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: to it, He drives him mad. Turns out the thing
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: of the window was a mirror, and the thing he
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: was seeing was something on his head.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Right that down for me, Roger Bubblegum.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Sure, here's the thing, Roger, I didn't want to talk
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: to you about it. He keeps trying to write yourself
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: into Twilight's On.
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: Absolutely every episode has to feature Roger bubble I've read
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: a milkman in the back.
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: I tell you I can't get a single pitch out
• 3:44
  Speaker 5: of my mouth without Roger Bubblegum making an appearance in
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: the middle of my teeth.
• 3:48
  Speaker 6: Let me tell you something. I am one of the
• 3:49
  Speaker 6: first of its kind. All right, who's trying to get
• 3:53
  Speaker 6: himself in an episode?
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: I tell you what busted.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: It's nineteen sixty one, right right, and actors act and
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: narry this whoshell met?
• 4:00
  Speaker 5: Tell me? There is no such thing as a multi
• 4:01
  Speaker 5: hyphen it. There is one hyphen it and that is
• 4:03
  Speaker 5: what I call the hyphen And he has this place
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: in his time.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: What you know? Tell your names? Slow speak caught up
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: to me right there?
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: Speak up, page boy, page boy, page boy.
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: Well, No, I'm not now I'm a writer's assistant. I'm
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: a writer's assistant higher than a little bit of a page.
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: Well, that's a job we added just this year. We're
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: still figuring out what it is, what you do, and
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: what exactly we talked to it.
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: I don't get paid, that's for sure.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: That will never Absolutely. Here's what you do. You bring
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: the certain women home.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: That when I go out with certain women, you take
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: them home and so nobody knows that I was with them.
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: Yep, I take the certain women home.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: You take certain women home.
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: My name is John London, and you see I'm the
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: writer's assistant here, but doesn't not me from pitching. I
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: get my name in and then they always squeeze my
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: fake tits.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Tell us how old this young whipper snapper is. Tell
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: the audience at home.
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: Tell the audience at home, how many t around the sun?
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: I've done twenty twiks around the sun, and I'm excited
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: to start my life as a professional rider in the
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: Twilight Zone, one of the best shows on air.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Studied English literature.
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: I studied English literature and journalism, but it just wasn't
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: cutting it for me. The nonfiction space just wasn't doing it.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I tell this boy, man, oh man, if I was
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: twenty years old, I wouldn't be letting my chanitls hang
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: around a writer's room.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: I'd be letting them have some fun.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, those are tight balls, and those balls are
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: good one one.
• 5:26
  Speaker 5: I'd say every single writer's room needs a young bull
• 5:29
  Speaker 5: in there to keep everybody active and to keep everybody
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: in touch with what the horny man feels.
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: Exactly. I've been labeled the horny man in the writer's room,
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: and so I've donned my title. Wale yep. I'm twenty
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: years old and trying to survive this job.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I like a bicycle bell. Now.
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: Fun fact, that was that little bicycle bell bit that
• 5:52
  Speaker 5: that my friend is doing right there. That was the
• 5:54
  Speaker 5: first ever recorded history of a writer's room bit. That's
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: the first one ever produced, and that's documented very well
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: in Time magazine. No, thank you very much, thank you.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: So much for documenting the history. Amazing.
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: So, yes, I am the young boy. They think I'm
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: very horny because I'm young, and they won't let it go.
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: So I'm just trying to keep my neck out of
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: trouble and give some good pitches while these these men
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: ripped me apart.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: That's correct, mister, and I, of course I am the
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: one ripping you most of the time.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: I've been around the sun many many times.
• 6:25
  Speaker 5: Yes, Jack the Ripper he is.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: They call me Jack the Ripper. They call me Jack
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: the Ripper, but my real name is Jack Dipper. Yeah,
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Dipper Tech the rip of Jack Dipper at your service.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: I've written on pretty much every single thing that has
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: been in the beginning of TV. I was one of
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: the first writers of television. Back in nineteen twenty. I
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: was a young, young, young, young young man, and I
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: wrote on a television program that used to be a
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: ratio program that used to be a Oddville program.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Ah.
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  Speaker 3: It was called since Hesar's your show of shows?
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: How wait a minute in Mari till he said this
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: theater show.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, don't you bust my time? Don't you bust my Chopsman,
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  Speaker 2: I'm proud of what I have. They call me the
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: brainwo legs. I have lots of ideas friends, and I
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: let them go and people love to hear it.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Just like this.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: I have an idea like this. They call it the
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: brain with legs. Now, listen up, Jack the brain with legs.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: We started a man walking tow the street. He's curious,
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: he's wondering, curious, what's going on. Here's a smell. He
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: here's a smell.
• 7:13
  Speaker 5: What is it?
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  Speaker 3: And that's the twist. What is a smell?
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: What do you mean?
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: How can I hear a smell? And that's what's happening.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: His nose has become his ears, Its ears to become
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: his nose.
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: Do do do do do do do?
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: Do? Do?
• 7:23
  Speaker 5: Do? Do do do do?
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: Turns out that was a little boy's drawing.
• 7:28
  Speaker 5: Well, now, my name is Tracy McPhee. I am a
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: writer here at the Twilight Zone. But before that, I
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: was running the Freak Show at the Carnival, and I
• 7:36
  Speaker 5: witnessed all these curiosities and twists and turns and oddities
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: and morbidities and curiosities, things that the twisted mind could
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: barely dream of. And I bring a dark and twisted
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: perspective to that of the Twilight Zone. Picture this, a
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: man holding a globe in his hand. The globe spins
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: faster and faster, and all of a sudden he realizes
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: he's in sight the globe. The world is spinning around
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: him and nothing he could do about it.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: Write that down, Jack, write that down, Trace.
• 8:06
  Speaker 5: And then at the end he was in the mirror
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: the whole time.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: That's quite a nighty. I think Rod's gonna like that
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: one very nicely.
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: So another job of mine as the writer's assistant is
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: to kind of kind of cull through some of these
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: basic ideas. They have ideas all the time. The big
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: job of mine is to maybe negate them and push
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: them into a different direction.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Or more like you tally, if we say it ended
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: a mirror, or it ends in a dream? You say
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: you did that last?
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: Yes?
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: Does it ended a mirror? Does it end a dream?
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: Does it make sense at all? Or is it just
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: ver word garbage until you understand a twist?
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: Well, I don't know, young man. Did you write it down?
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: Did you write it all?
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: I'm writing everything down that you guys say.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: I will say, horny one.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: It is difficult to do this show for as many
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: years as we've done, going on our fourth year, and
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: I am very frequently finding out that I've already pitched
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: the things that I've pitched, and we don't know.
• 8:55
  Speaker 6: That because sometimes I'm freaking for me. Roger Bowag I'm
• 8:58
  Speaker 6: on drunk ank.
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: Roger is drunk twenty four to seven.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Well, we like to call Roger the spongy Wonder because
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: he doesn't work unless he's really lubricated.
• 9:07
  Speaker 6: You know what I'm telling you, I'm the steed song
• 9:09
  Speaker 6: him of the room right, the stewing song.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: He's that young guy that wrote the West Side Story
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: along with you.
• 9:15
  Speaker 6: He's just about to Him and London Burnstine are writing things,
• 9:19
  Speaker 6: and he says in his articles and interviews that he
• 9:22
  Speaker 6: won't do one thing sober.
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: And that is me unbelievable. So yes, I write every
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: idea down, and some I just rip up and they
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: vanish the wind. The nice thing. These gents are so
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: wasted most of the time they don't realize they've already
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: pitched it or I've gotten rid of it.
• 9:37
  Speaker 6: Well, don't forget about the roasted chicken. You bring around
• 9:39
  Speaker 6: noontime for.
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: Lunch, and I also bring a giant roasted chicken for lunch.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: We love when he brings the roasted chicken.
• 9:45
  Speaker 5: We love when he brings the roasted chicken. We each
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: like it, each gentleman. I always prey ill preserved, prefers
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: his roasted chicken a different way, and he is attentive
• 9:55
  Speaker 5: to all of our needs. I prefer the dark meat
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: and the legs.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: I prefer the skin.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Prefer the thigh with a lon of cup.
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: So yeah, so I have to be very specific. It's
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: dark meat, light a coke with the thigh, and then
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: just the skin for you.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: I like just the skin.
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: Jack.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: The Dipper loves the skin.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: You're how hot your wife is, Sir, Brenda Dipper?
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: Oh, I don't see that when they look at her.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: Won't you show a.
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: Picture of her? You're keeping your wallet because she is
• 10:20
  Speaker 5: a looker. She's a looker. Beauty. One glance at her
• 10:24
  Speaker 5: could bring a man to his knees and then discover
• 10:26
  Speaker 5: he's in a parallel universe. Write that down.
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: Writing it down.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Beauty is a way to see the world's biggest fault.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Write that down.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: Picture this picture.
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: This man's walking on the street. He's walking around the street.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: He's looking right, he looking on. He's a beautiful woman.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: He falls back, he falls into a pit. He looks up.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: The woman looks down and says, what's wrong. You've never
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: seen a beautiful woman before? And all the other man
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: are in the pit and they go you must have
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: seen a beautiful woman.
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: My favorite pictures is when Roger gives a little sound
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: effect cues throughout the pit.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: Yes, I think Roger not only wanting to be in
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: the show itself, he also wants to write the music.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I like to call it the whiskey waterfall of my brain.
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: Well, this wasn't Brojo's first attempted at getting into the
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: world of sound. I believe he was doing a folly
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: artist for the radio pictures. Yes, I was.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Doing that at a ripe sixteen years old. I escaped
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: the orphanage in which I grew up.
• 11:17
  Speaker 6: In and I gerb fully artists on the street because
• 11:20
  Speaker 6: he looked like one. Yes, you want to know why
• 11:22
  Speaker 6: a folli artist looks like a foly artist. His shoes
• 11:24
  Speaker 6: are dirty because he uses them for fucking scenes.
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: Of course, Absolutely, that's how you do.
• 11:32
  Speaker 6: Anyway, I grabbed him and I said, I want to
• 11:34
  Speaker 6: be in the movie pictures. Help me out here, and
• 11:37
  Speaker 6: I am still on that journey.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, let's talk about how we got to write this show, because.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: Absolutely Rod certain kind of a symbol the rag tag
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: crew of people from different backgrounds. As you can already tell,
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: what was the experience of like meeting the eponymous Rod Serling.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: He's very interesting, he's very curious, he's very strange, and
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: everyone talks about him. Everyone wants to know what's it
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: like to work with Rod. Well, I'll tell you what
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: it's like. First of all, he thinks that I heaven.
• 11:58
  Speaker 6: As an onion covered in a honey mustard.
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: That's what it is, exactly, That's what it is, because
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: that's what he eats. A man is what he eats.
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: I say, so, how'd you guys meet?
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: How did you meet? Mister Rod's? I will say, at lunch,
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: I bring you guys a whole chicken. I bring Rod
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: Sterling onion and honey mustard. Well, then mystery salt, Absolutely
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: mystery salt.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: I met Sterling that baggage claim.
• 12:23
  Speaker 6: I was leaving j f K and I saw him
• 12:26
  Speaker 6: and I was picking up my bag and my lady
• 12:29
  Speaker 6: at the Times bag and I picked it up and
• 12:33
  Speaker 6: I looked at the bag and I went, h, the
• 12:35
  Speaker 6: place is this bag has been?
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: And then I kind of went hm, and.
• 12:43
  Speaker 6: He went, hey, sir, that was interesting and freaking and
• 12:46
  Speaker 6: then we sat down and we went to a strip
• 12:48
  Speaker 6: club and we had a good time.
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: Well, I met Rod the way that every man in
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: Hollywood gets his break. I'm sorry, supposed to laugh.
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: I don't know about that.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: Sorry, telling a factory, telling the joke. You know what,
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: I think they're both interesting.
• 13:10
  Speaker 5: Well, truth is coming. I'll discover that. Well. Now I
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: get into Hollywood the same way everyone gets into Hollywood
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: these days. I was walking down the street. I tripped
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: and fell, and then Rod Sterling said, you want to
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: write in a TV show? And I said, well, sir, absolutely,
• 13:24
  Speaker 5: He's brought me into the writer's room and I said, well,
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: I have worked with freaks. I have worked with absolute freakazoids,
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: and you, sir, are no freak azoids. So what gives?
• 13:36
  Speaker 5: And he said, my writers are the ones who are
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: the freaks for me. And that's how I got a job.
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: And I picked up my pencil and I got straight
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: to work. And now I drink three glasses of Jack
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: Daniels a day, and I've never been happier.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: And don't forget the milk.
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: Don't forget the milk, straight up, no edge.
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: It's Jack Daniels and milk for you.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Huh, milk, no edge.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you how I got started Jack. I was
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: writing my ninth year on the hit show raw Hide.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: It's a classic classic Western show that I've been writing
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: on that goes on for about thirty years, has been
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: on and on and on, and I jumped in, I'd
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: basically give it up. And it's what they say in
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: the industry is, if you work on a Western show,
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: you're basically committing career suicide. You're basically done. And I said,
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: I'm done. I don't have any other ideas, of course,
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: but I would have these vivid dreams and I would
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: talk to my therapist and I would tell my therapists
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: about it. I know, I'm not some funnydaddy. I go
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: to a therapist young in psychology.
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: Very interesting.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: You should check into it. It's scary, it's very interesting.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: I mean, and you gotta check out these jocks.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: Man, they're coming out some really really cool psychiatric jougs
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: here in the early mid sixties.
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: My wife is on this LSD stuff. Is your wife?
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: Oh, she is on that ls S.
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: Yes, she's very happy.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: She thought I was George Washington the other day. Yes,
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: she chopped my cherry tree. I'll tell you what.
• 14:51
  Speaker 5: Yes, I said, she's very happy.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: We Love LSC in nineteen sixty one and makes the
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: wives horny.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I love it.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: Anything, anything it could take. I could use anything. Talking
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: to my psychotherapist, he was analyzing me. He was really
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: giving me a real brain job. He was really looking
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: at there. And then he said, hold on a minute.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: These ideas are so whacked. I think I got to
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: tell him to my friend. I said, that's a legal jack,
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: and he said, ah, sorry, I already did it. And
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: my friend likes your ideas and he wants to bring
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: you on. And so I got to leave raw hat.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: I said to see you guys later. After I left,
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: it turns out all of them got killed in a
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: car accident, and so I'm sad that they're all dead,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: but I'm also happy that I wasn't in that car.
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: And isn't that the foundation of Twilight Zone itself?
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: Certainly is certain.
• 15:36
  Speaker 5: Some things that are happy for some are sad for others.
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: Some things that are mirror for some are oceans for others.
• 15:41
  Speaker 5: Some things that are universes for some are the sea
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: for others.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: And what is the ocean? And what is the sea?
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Is it a universe or an eye?
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: And also a dream?
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Ah exactly, man's walking on the street, okay, okay, a
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: man is walking down the street, looking in the street, and.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: He looks and he looks down and he sees a
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: little coin.
• 15:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah, what is he?
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: A coin?
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: And he sees his face on the coin.
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: Yes, the coin.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: He says, why why is my own face on the coin?
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: I influential enough in some period of time to become
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: money itself.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: He puts the coin in a pinball machine.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: The pinball comes out, bounce, bounce, bounce, pounds pounds, bounce, pounce, pounce, stop,
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: stops mid air, throws up in the air, hits him
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: in the head, opens an eye to the universe. He
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: sees the future, he sees the past, he sees it all.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Turns out he was a drawing in a comic book.
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: Oh, I feel like the first half was pretty good
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: until you entered the pinball thig.
• 16:33
  Speaker 5: Can I, well, this is an interesting thing. Now we
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: can pitch live. We can pitch live. Of course, do
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: it now we can see it, Mike, we're pitching now.
• 16:39
  Speaker 5: Let's see we can all agree, gentlemen that it worked
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: up until the pinball machine. Correct. Okay, So he sees
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: his face on the money. Uh what if He then
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: turns on the television at the bar and he sees
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: himself delivering the State of the Union address.
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: Now, now, Jack, that's something there. It turns out he's
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: the president.
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: But why is he there?
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: If he's there?
• 16:59
  Speaker 5: But why is he there? If he's there?
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Well, tell me what happens after that. He's watching the
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: State of Union and he sets himself and suddenly, what's
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: going on? That's weird. Then he has a hankering for
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: a glass of milk. Walk to the fridge opens, go ahead.
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: Yes, go ahead, and.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Guess what's happening. The State of the Union is happening
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: in the refrigerator. There's a little man just.
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: Just like a little man, just like the man stands
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: before him at regular feet, toll inside the fridge, drinking
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: a tiny glass of milk, delivering the State of the
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: Union as the very man.
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: Yes, a bunch of grapes.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Boom boom boom.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: Rod's gonna like that one.
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: We're gonna get to have dinner. So again, this is
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: how it happens, the grapes and milk. Usually they start
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: out so strong, so much intrigue, cannot land the ship.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: Trying to do money.
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: Boy, I love thank you so much. You know I
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: met actually Rod Sterling, I really worked for this job.
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: I would wait outside the office every single day for
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: two years, and he kept on ignoring me. And I said, Rod, Rod, please,
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: I'm such a big fan. I would love to get
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: even a moment of your time. And moment of your time.
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: One day, he said, kid, I'm tying my shoe. You
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: have to the end of my shoe tie to razzle
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: dazzle me. I say, picture this. A man wakes up
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: and realizes his wife has been murdered. He knows the
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: murderer's face, he knows who did it. He has a
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: time machine to go back and murder the person, but
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: the time machine sends him too far to wear the
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: kid where the man is just a child. Now the
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: man must choose. Does he kill the little boy in
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: his mother's arms, or does he not kill it and
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: make sure his wife is dead. Rod Serling said, that's
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: not good. But I do love your tits, and I'm
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: sure the writers would love to squeeze him. I don't
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: have boobs. I'm a male. I do not have boobs,
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: but these boys love to squeeze.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: It's just fun to grab something when you're stressed out.
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's fund to grab something that's something.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Scotti boy, you were pitching only to them and not
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: to me. I was over here and I want to
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: talk about it.
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: I am saying, Roger, Bubblegum, most of your pitches are
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: sound effects. Now, if you want to talk about writing
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: and structure, you aim your pitch to the people in
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: the room who are providing the expersiness.
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: Shod effegs are built.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: Really, And I'm gonna go a little further, mister bubble Gum,
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: I will be honest with you, Sir, my father call
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: me er sorry.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: Roger, listen when he was pitching to us.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: We do feel uncomfortable when you start doing the music
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: because we're not sure we're supposed to be looking at you.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: It's kind of like watching a man robbing his own horn.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: We don't know if it's right.
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: I don't know if it's right.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: It's kind of like walking a minute too late into
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: the gym locker room, you know what I mean.
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: It's also tough because you're with your cigar in your mouth.
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: You're spraying is.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Am I, Well, welcome to the twenty Johnny.
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: Well, it's not the twenties, my friend, it's the nineteen
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: sixty one.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Just saying Tracy grow up.
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't believe I said
• 19:56
  Speaker 5: my name was Tracy. Maybe I did.
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Tracy's a man's name, don't you know.
• 20:03
  Speaker 5: Tracy's a man's name in this day and age. Well,
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: that's who I thought I was. That's who I damn
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: well am now, gentlemen, I have another question. Yea, I
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: myself served in World War Two. Oh, I hope too.
• 20:18
  Speaker 8: And I know I must ask did you learn anything
• 20:27
  Speaker 8: in the war that translated into television writing?
• 20:31
  Speaker 6: I'll say so much of the television you are watching
• 20:33
  Speaker 6: in the Twilight Zone is influenced by our war stories.
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: I believe that, I would say.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: And I would also say, every four twilights of episodes
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: we do a World War two episode. We constantly, constantly
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: are I hope that in the future someday people don't
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: skip over those because man, oh man, are there a
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: lot of them. I certainly put a lot of in there,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: because that's a lot to talk about. At the time,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I was in the USO at the time, the Universal
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: Pictures we would go all over and film different people
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: and create shorts to put in the movie theaters happening.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, see, what was that today? Today happening in uh,
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: you know, Guadalcanal. The troops arrived, you.
• 21:11
  Speaker 5: Know absolutely the newsreels.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, exactly, and those were quite fun. We had
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: a lot of fun with the boys back then.
• 21:17
  Speaker 5: Oh we get as absolutely.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Don't know is when we're doing stuff about the World
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: War Two, it's.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: More of a journal.
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: We have to journal everyone.
• 21:24
  Speaker 5: Because where else is a man to unpack his stories
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: from war? But the television screen? Where else would he go?
• 21:30
  Speaker 5: I don't have a place to go. I don't have
• 21:32
  Speaker 5: a thing that I would think of, because there's nothing.
• 21:35
  Speaker 5: As we know, there is no trauma left over from war,
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: but the stories themselves exactly.
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: Well, there is a new thing our generation is quite
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: interested and it's called talk therapy. Do you guys know I.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Mentioned I go to a psychoanalyst myself a shrink by man.
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: Do you know what I say? A shrink only shrinks
• 21:54
  Speaker 5: your damn brain?
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, what do you have to say to that?
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: I say that shrinks? Sure problems?
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: My friend?
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: I'm telling you what. He gave me this brand new drug.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: It's called well Beuchure, and it's quite the interesting.
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: Thing that all.
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: Did you have it? You really have it? You really
• 22:10
  Speaker 5: have it.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: I really haven't.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: I'll tell you what I take. It's funny. You ever
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: had those crazy thoughts? You to take a pill and
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: the thoughts go away. They go away in a way
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: that's much less messy than if I drink a bottle
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: of jacket.
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: Now you're referring to the If you're referring to the
• 22:23
  Speaker 5: drug of cocaine, then I understand your point. Of course.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: Well that's a very interesting thing, because cocaine seems to
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: make problems bigger, bigger, bigger for me.
• 22:30
  Speaker 6: I don't agree. I just don't want to cook before bed.
• 22:36
  Speaker 6: How do you reach a bubble gum in my mouth?
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: I chew all, not cocaine.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: You know this bubble in your mouth?
• 22:43
  Speaker 6: Lights off, bubble gum in my nose? Whoopsie?
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: But you drinking site? Never mind?
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: No, what did you die?
• 22:51
  Speaker 5: Well, I said, narry a drinking site because you got
• 22:53
  Speaker 5: bubble in your mouth.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: That's your name. Let me tell you this, me tell you.
• 22:59
  Speaker 5: Show me this, Tell me this.
• 23:01
  Speaker 6: Boys, there is nothing burn. Then when we get together
• 23:05
  Speaker 6: for the holidays, Oh.
• 23:07
  Speaker 5: It is Aces, my friend, who's absolutely aces. When we
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: get together.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: Holidays, it's fruit punch and ice cream, my friends.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: I really have a good time.
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: Absolutely, a slap on the butt and a kiss on
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: the behind when we get together.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: We've been together. How long have we've been riding together?
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: Well? Four years. I would say we're practically a bachelor's
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: degree away from being that.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: We certainly are bachelors.
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: Wow. Wow, And I really look up to you guys.
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: You know, I'm quite new to the job. I'm only
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: a year dep but the things I've learned from you
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: guys and parting wisdom on me has been fantastic.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Friend, each of us taught you.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: Are you putting me on the spot.
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: Yes, I'd like to know what teach you know?
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: The scott is stand up straight?
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: Yes? Oh sorry, yes straight?
• 23:55
  Speaker 9: Sir?
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: Okay, Well from you, sir Jack, I learned, you know,
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: the confidence of pitching an idea. I feel like it's
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: very special, but you do to an idea even if
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: it's not land that you really know how to pitch.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: I'm a pitcher and a catcher. I'll tell you what.
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: Oh, okay, okay, so you're anyway so tracy. From you,
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: I've learned the idea of flipping something on the head.
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: Nobody flipped something on the head quite like you.
• 24:20
  Speaker 5: Well, thank you sir. What do you do with this?
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: Oh here's a lesson. Flip it over, bop you on
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: the nose.
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: Oh okay, oh boom boom po.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: He never stops giving lessons.
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: It's so good. I like to say, boom boom pile.
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: I say, come to me after noon, midnight. I will
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: give you any lesson any time of day.
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: And they all kind of start with what do you
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: do with this?
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: Well? What do you do? Well? Then let's try it out.
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: What do you do with this? Honk honk honker?
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: He's pulling, so.
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: I'm bulling my ear. I'm bullying my hair. What do
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: you do with that? Flip the air upside down?
• 24:55
  Speaker 8: Now?
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: I hear up my nose? Oh, I definitely good boy.
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: Keep up. You got to learn to keep up.
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: I'm desperately trying to keep up. Do you have any
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: more lessons for me?
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: Of course? Pull out your teeth? What happens now?
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: Slip it on your pillow. Call the tooth fairy, give
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: her a slap on the behind. Now she's your wife.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Oh that's my kind of fantasy, A tooth fairy me.
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: You know what?
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: And you know what's wonderful about this. We all know these,
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: but Tracy passes them on.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: I like, it's a wealth of knowledge.
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: You know, you know, I learned it all from my father,
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: and I'm I, you know, rest his damn soul, and
• 25:33
  Speaker 5: so I have to give it on you.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Rest his damnsel, damn soul, Rest his damn soul.
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: So sorry about your father.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: By the way, So what did you learn from mister Roger?
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: Bubble? Come over there? I learned so much about milk,
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: so much about milk. It's insane, sleep of milk at night.
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: I wasn't saying, you know, I wasn't.
• 26:03
  Speaker 5: Now, Roger, we gotta cut down on your back. Bit you.
• 26:05
  Speaker 5: It's my good man, because you now my friend. Nobody
• 26:11
  Speaker 5: is accusing you of that.
• 26:12
  Speaker 6: I sleep with coc in my nose, bubble um in
• 26:14
  Speaker 6: my mouth and the lights own.
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: Okay, So what I've learned from Roger is a great
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: deal about MILLI something about he can't he cannot stop
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: talking or pitching it. Haven't pitched it that much.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: What I think we should talk about, and I'd be
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: remiss if we didn't discuss this is the nasty, nasty
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: things that a senator McCarthy is doing with the House
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: in American activities. They've accused Rod Sterling of being a communist.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: They're trying to get him blacklisted. And why for one,
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: let's try to say we have so much foresight.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: On the top. I mean, we don't have any communists
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: right working for us.
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: If you're a communist.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: For the audio listener, we're alway.
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: I believe I'm in the company of a bunch of comedies.
• 26:56
  Speaker 5: My good man, news to me.
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: Hold on a minute. I'm you were the only one
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: that didn't raise your hand.
• 27:02
  Speaker 5: No, I didn't raise my hand because I fought the war.
• 27:05
  Speaker 5: I fought in the war, I see, And I don't
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: think I am a communist because I don't think I
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: believe in any of that. Now, I'm very confused. I
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: believe I thought, what did you say? I can't hear
• 27:16
  Speaker 5: a damn word you say.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: You know, it's the biggest, hardest cigar I've ever seen.
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: It blikes around, It clicks around in the night like
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: a pair of clip clops.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: The only thing clicking around that night is my bubblegum.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: I don't super.
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: No one was accusing. I'm sorry I didn't. I don't
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: mean to get political, my good gentlemen, because I believe
• 27:41
  Speaker 5: there are two things you should never discuss in a
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: writer's room, and that is sexual intercourse and political stuff.
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: And so I believe that I am a patriot of
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: this great nation. I fought for this great nation in
• 27:52
  Speaker 5: the war, and I defeated Sir Adolf Hitler. And I
• 27:55
  Speaker 5: believe that I am someone who Nish sticks to this
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: nation's ideels. And part of that nation's idea is free
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: market capitalism.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: Now, Tracy, Tracy, Tracy listened to me. I think I
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: fought for those ideas just as much as you did.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: I was on the front lines filming the actions that
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: you were committing in that war. That's how we met.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: You met me before on D Day on the boat,
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: before you jumped out there.
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: Of course, he shook my hand, and then I jumped
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: into the sea.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: I said, let me get that ass as you jump
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: out of the water. Oh, D Day talk, I did,
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: listen to me. We can talk about DD till the
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: cows come home.
• 28:23
  Speaker 5: But the problem is, you know, I, though I disagree
• 28:26
  Speaker 5: with you, Though I disagree with you, there is something
• 28:28
  Speaker 5: in this great nation about debate. There's something that's great
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: to me and you are being unfairly targeted by that
• 28:35
  Speaker 5: Senator McCarthy. And here's the nickname I have for Senator McCarthy,
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: Joe Shmo.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: That's wonderful, Tracy, is that the person smo?
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Where do you think of it rhymes for Joe?
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: Well, it just came to me in the night. I
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: thought that fan is unfairly a prosecute. My friends and
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: I believe there's a rhyme for him, and a rhyme
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: that just shoes. That sounds like he's scraped off the
• 28:54
  Speaker 5: bottom of a shoe. And that's Shmoe.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: My good defan, that's cracker Jack, my friend and I
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: will say the Red Scare.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: We are writing new episodes about it this season.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: It might be controversial, it might get us banned, it
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: might get a stop, but we are thinking and seeing
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: from what we know because there is a lot of
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: truth in what we're writing.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: And that's the truth at the end of the day. That,
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: my dear boy, you should know dignity always dignity. You
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: have to write the truth.
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: You have to know thank you.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: You have to write exactly what's happening in a way
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: that people can understand.
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: Well, tell him one of the episodes that you're working on.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Well, one of the episodes is there's a man named
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: Joe McCarthy and it's spelled differently, and he's long on
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: the street.
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: You see yes, yes two j Jajo j macarthy.
• 29:35
  Speaker 9: To Joe Dijo McCarthy. He sees somebody doing something very
• 29:39
  Speaker 9: very innocent, in fact, giving candy to a little baby,
• 29:43
  Speaker 9: but he wants the candy, so he tells everybody that
• 29:46
  Speaker 9: the baby is a monster, and he gets everyone to
• 29:49
  Speaker 9: attack the monster baby. But the truth is he just
• 29:52
  Speaker 9: wanted the candy.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: And at the end of the day, the candy turns
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: out was medicine, and it's medicine that Jajoe was allergic
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: to and eats it and he dies.
• 30:02
  Speaker 5: Then he dies.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: You know I haven't begun.
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: Yes, I'm good.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Something you guys don't know about Tracy. Tracy's tonsels are
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: the size of a cannon.
• 30:13
  Speaker 5: My tonsils are the size of a cannon. And I
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: swear I will die before I see a doctor about it.
• 30:18
  Speaker 5: I don't want a doctor poking and prodding around. I
• 30:21
  Speaker 5: don't believe it's proper for a man to do that
• 30:22
  Speaker 5: to another.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Now. No, I've only heard of women getting their tonsils removed.
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: Not men, No, a woman have a dick of the
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: constitution about their tonsils. You see, they can't handle as
• 30:32
  Speaker 5: much air into the windpipe.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: I'm sure the listeners at home want to get cleaned audio.
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: But she just said, if you want to.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Say it again, the tonsils are the dick of the throat.
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: Thank you, my friend right next to you did not
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: hear a single one of those words.
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: Now, thank you Jack for pointing that out, because I
• 30:47
  Speaker 5: never would have heard that in my ears.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Oh I hate to miss that. I'll tell you that much.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: Do we have any other Joe McCarthy stories we want
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: to share? I mean pretty much.
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: He's been pursuing me hard to turn on you guys
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: and turn some of you in as here. His department
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: has been messaging me, asked me all sorts of questions,
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: one like, are you communists? Are you hanging out with commas?
• 31:07
  Speaker 4: How are your boobs?
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Boy?
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: Come on, let me get a squeeze of that. You
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: must be hoardy. You're twenty. Uh, you're a horny little boy.
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: You must be hordy in your seat.
• 31:17
  Speaker 5: Now that's a man I want to write with.
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: That's me.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: Oh prank calling you my friend? I tried to Joe McCarthy.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: I was trying to see if you're gonna squeal like
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: a little piggy pigs.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: Have you heard of a prank call?
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: I've never heard of this, but I don't know what
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: a prank call is.
• 31:30
  Speaker 5: I believe we call it a crank call. Nah.
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: So what I do is I pick my phone up
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: and I go I die your number. So I go three.
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: You don't have to explain it.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: I go four, four four.
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: I don't get my number away.
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: Yes, fancy fingers like we do with all our phones, exactly.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: As we call now normal fingers. And then I call
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: you and I tell you I'm somebody else and I
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: rub you down.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, do I love calling a buddy and rubbing
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: them down?
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: Could I ask why you guys aren't taking out of
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: my pitch?
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'll tell you why. A pitch needs grit, and
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: a pitch needs to sit like old milk, like cottage cheese.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: A pitch needs to earn each place.
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: So you don't hear yourself talking about part of you,
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: The part of you that.
• 32:18
  Speaker 6: Is pitching and is getting denied over and over again.
• 32:22
  Speaker 6: Is us feeding the seed that will one day blossom
• 32:27
  Speaker 6: into the flower.
• 32:27
  Speaker 5: Well, now this, gentleman, this gives me an idea. This
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: gives me an idea. A man is walking down the street.
• 32:32
  Speaker 5: A man is walking down the street. He enters his
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: office building. He goes to his boss to pitch an
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: idea he's been thinking of for years. He's been thinking
• 32:39
  Speaker 5: of it for years, and he gets shot down, shot down,
• 32:41
  Speaker 5: shot down, day after day. Every day is the next.
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: He wakes up and he goes to his boss, gets
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: shot down again and again and again. They don't listen
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: to a single one of his pitches, until an old
• 32:50
  Speaker 5: man stops him in the alley. He says, I've got
• 32:52
  Speaker 5: a pitch for you. Your boss is sure to like it.
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: And he says, what if we killed everybody? And so
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: he goes to his rose. He says, what if we
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: killed everybody? And the force says, that's a good idea, My.
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: Dear j you just lose.
• 33:06
  Speaker 5: That's a good idea, my dear Chap. Everyone in the
• 33:09
  Speaker 5: world is dead. But the man has his pitch green lid.
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: But you turn out, turns out, let me let me
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: help you out with that.
• 33:14
  Speaker 5: Now.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: Of course, turns out that the office was actually the
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: office of g o d God himself and the worker
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: the devil.
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: Well, that's good, that's good, that's good. This is why
• 33:25
  Speaker 5: we have a room. One mere man cannot come up
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: with all the idea. We need another man to supplement
• 33:30
  Speaker 5: the rest.
• 33:30
  Speaker 6: You are pitching about a boss and its worker and
• 33:32
  Speaker 6: suddenly it's a picture on God and the devil.
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: Let me tell you something, my boy. This is the
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: biggest advice I could possibly give you. Your pitches don't
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: have any confidence.
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: I would love to see some pictures from you. I
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: would love to see you go through the pitches right now.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: I know you've got a long list. I've seen the case.
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: I've seen you talk to that secretary and type all
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: those stories.
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: We do hit it off quite a bit, off.
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: Your keys in front of Emily, and so she picks
• 33:56
  Speaker 5: him up. I've seen you do that, sir.
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: It's the oldest guy like picking him up so she
• 33:59
  Speaker 4: could see my But.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: I've seen your face get blushing red. I don't want
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: to talk about it looks like and we've heard your pictures.
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: So man, man, stand up to us. Man, stand up
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: to us. Dear Jack, stand up to us.
• 34:11
  Speaker 7: Man.
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: Now start. A man is walking down the street now
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: go from there.
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: Start Okay, man is I'm going to shing.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Don't get nervous, be honest.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: It does.
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: It does make it a little.
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: On very nerve wrecking.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: I will say that's a level of something. I'll tell
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: you what I tell you.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: If you know, like your fire made.
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you it. Change the canoe ride into a
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: rafting trip. I'll tell you that much. That's from here.
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: From here.
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: The man is walking down the straight then what then? What?
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: Thenohol? A man is walking down the street. Yes, he
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: stumbles upon a dollar bill and then what sees the
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: dollar bill? Picks it up? And house man is sitting
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: right next to my house. A man without me, a
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: whole joe. No, no, no, no, no no, a house
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: you know, A homeless man? Oh, I like someone who
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: lives in Hooverville. Okay, sure, I'm gonna skip this pitch.
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: We're gonna go on to another pitch. A man is
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: walking down the street, gets a call on a telephone,
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: a telephone booth. He picks it up. Hello, Hello, Hello,
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: this is me from the future. You need to do
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: something for me, otherwise things will go south. This man
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: doesn't know what's going hangs up walks to another telephone booth,
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: another call. Hello again from the future. What am I doing?
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: What do you need to do? If you want your
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: family to live, you need to do exactly what I'm saying.
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: This must be some sort of crank call. Hangs Up
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: goes down to the street. Next telephone booth rings. Just
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: it's me from the future. You have one last chance.
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: Please please don't do it. Please get out of the way.
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: Hangs Up sprints across the street. As he's sprinting across
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: the boy, a little boy is running in tandem for him,
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: and he watches as accidentally trips the little boy and
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: the boy is run over by a car. He screams,
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: oh my god and sees a telephone boot and behind
• 36:07
  Speaker 4: him he sees what himself. Walking towards the old telephone boots,
• 36:12
  Speaker 4: he runs over, dials, dials, dials and calls he himself
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: in the past, picks up and goes, Hello, cold, you
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: know what's gonna happen. Man is forced to repeat history.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's really good, but you pitched it like a pussy.
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: You did pitch it like a pussy. You pitched it
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: like you had a full vagina.
• 36:33
  Speaker 6: I thought you talking out of your mouth, but it
• 36:35
  Speaker 6: sounded like you were talking out of your family.
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: Forgive me for being grassed, but you have a vagina.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: Forgive me for being rude to you, but you have
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: a fanny vand and it's.
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: A shame because it's a perfect episode of television.
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: So you guys don't want it just because I have
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: a vagina.
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: We won't be doing I pitched it.
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: Sorry, I pitched it like I have a vegina. And
• 36:54
  Speaker 4: I didn't like the tone of the pitch, and I
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: won't be dealing with it.
• 36:57
  Speaker 5: Here's the thing, my good boy, Stay with it, Stay
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: with it, Stay in the room, Stay in the room,
• 37:02
  Speaker 5: keep writing notes, keep writing notes, and then eventually all
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: in the world will come to you. Because I tell
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: you what, I tell you what what comes from being
• 37:10
  Speaker 5: a writer on this show. What comes from being a
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: writer on this show is at dinner parties, you are
• 37:17
  Speaker 5: the man of the hour. You are the man of
• 37:19
  Speaker 5: the hour, and people and the let me let you.
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: So we're talking about it, just talking about parties.
• 37:28
  Speaker 5: This is a personal story. This is a personal story.
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: But I do appreciate it because it does give me confidence.
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: If you're at a dinner party and you say, well, sir,
• 37:39
  Speaker 5: I work for Rod Sterling. The ladies from all across
• 37:42
  Speaker 5: the room come flocking to you like a magnet. And you, sir,
• 37:45
  Speaker 5: you have to wheeld that with responsibility.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Last club, and I just mentioned the word Rod Sterling.
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: Under Sterling. I think that's a different person, right it is?
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what did you say?
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: You know? I said Sterling because I also have a
• 38:02
  Speaker 5: different experience with a different man, unrelated to our boss.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: A clock is a broken clock is right twice a day. Jack, Okay,
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: Roger publica pitch.
• 38:13
  Speaker 4: This is gonna be good.
• 38:18
  Speaker 7: The door opens, suddenly it's every person he's ever met before.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: There, don't.
• 38:34
  Speaker 7: He looked in the mirror, everybody, and they look out
• 38:49
  Speaker 7: and suddenly they have milk on their Mouth's a milk.
• 38:57
  Speaker 5: I tell you what, sir, I've had just about enough
• 38:59
  Speaker 5: of this. I've just about enough of milk out of
• 39:01
  Speaker 5: your mouth. I've had just about enough of milk out
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: of your mouth. I'm going about to accuse you of
• 39:06
  Speaker 5: something real or may back because I'm about to accuse
• 39:09
  Speaker 5: you of yourself right now, Tracy, I believe you may
• 39:11
  Speaker 5: be in the pocket of the big man who sells
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: the milk.
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: Oh oh, mister milk himself.
• 39:17
  Speaker 6: An accusation given an accusation, do you a second that accusation?
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: I second that accusation, mister Roger Bubblehum, And I think
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: you're in the pocket of the person who makes bubble gum?
• 39:24
  Speaker 6: What about the boy who pitchres like he is a
• 39:26
  Speaker 6: batche What do you think I would like to play
• 39:28
  Speaker 6: the judge?
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, of course, all right, I guess we're playing
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: pretend now.
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: What Well, I do think you're definitely in the pocket
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: of milk because I saw you meeting with big Milk
• 39:38
  Speaker 4: the other day. What Yes, I saw your meeting. You said, oh,
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: I've got I've got something in my throat I need
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: to go cough it out outside with my handkerchief. And
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: I saw you walk right up to a man carrying
• 39:48
  Speaker 4: a pail of milk. You he slipped, I could have
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: been anybody, Eh, he said, milk on his face, and
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: he looked like milk he sent.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: Milk on his face.
• 39:56
  Speaker 5: I knew that glassy faced man wasn't just another bowl
• 40:00
  Speaker 5: cap salesman. I should have known he was a milk Well.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: Who's gonna pay for my bubblegum and cocaine? Every night?
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: Huh they removed the cigar.
• 40:12
  Speaker 10: No, because I'm stretched. Who's gonna pay for my bubble
• 40:17
  Speaker 10: gum and coke every night? Because I haven't gotten raised
• 40:21
  Speaker 10: from the room in two years.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: Well, listen, Jack, listen, listen, listen. We're not accusing you
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: of anything. We're not saying tell you to stop anything.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: We don't think there's anything wrong with what you're saying.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: Well, you're accusing me of doing work with the milk.
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: Well, yes, we just want the truth out there, because
• 40:36
  Speaker 5: I tell you what. I can't shake a man if
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: I don't know he's telling the truth, shake a man
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: with my hand, to be specific.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: Shake another man's hand.
• 40:45
  Speaker 5: Shake another man's hand. What do you think that, actually,
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: I take it back, that feels inappropriate.
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: What do you that feels inappropriate?
• 40:52
  Speaker 5: Feels inappropriate to shake a man's hand knowing that he
• 40:55
  Speaker 5: was in the war.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I want your pitches, your creative thoughts, yours. Don't worry,
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: tell a brain to tell me what you think I
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: did and why you think I did.
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: Today, I tell you what I think. I know why
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: you did it because I believe you were walking down
• 41:09
  Speaker 5: the street. You were walking down the street, you opened
• 41:13
  Speaker 5: a secret portal a portal that looked like just any
• 41:17
  Speaker 5: other manhole. You pulled it up and what do you see?
• 41:21
  Speaker 5: A tiny milkman, but three feet tall and three feet wide.
• 41:26
  Speaker 5: And he gave you the world. He said, you can
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: have anything you want, riches, diamonds, women, anything you desire.
• 41:34
  Speaker 5: All you have to do is drink milk until you die.
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: And that man said, absolutely not, I'll never do that.
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: And then he opens a second manhole, gets the same
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: pitch again and says, you know what, I've thought about it,
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: and I think I'll do it.
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: So I just want to say, I think your pictures
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: are starting at the wrong place.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: All of you.
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: You're focused on the size of the man. You're focused
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: on a portal. Maybe focus on the theme or something
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: that means something to the world, something that you could
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: actually twist out of it instead of kind of random
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: things about the world that feel freaky instead of actually
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: meaning something.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: What do you think happened? Young? Choir me?
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: You want to go first?
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: You me, I'm looking you in the face in the bowl.
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: I'm as young as the groundhog is skinnish. Are you
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: kidding me? Jeez, Louise, I'm older than that. I'm no
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: young man.
• 42:20
  Speaker 5: Well, do you see six more weeks of winter? Do
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: you see the truth?
• 42:24
  Speaker 4: I'll tell you this. Here's what I imagine. Roger Bubblehan
• 42:27
  Speaker 4: was walking down the street.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: He's confused, he's scared, he doesn't know what to do.
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: He's turning around.
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: He hears a little bit.
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: Of a whisper. Come with me, Come with me, Come
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: with me, Come with me, Come with me.
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: He says, Okay, let's take alec. Let's took a lack.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: He takes lack and he goes back, and he looks
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: around and he goes into a little store. The store
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: it sells only Roger Bubble goes. He sees his face
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: on every single thing. He says, this is a store
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: that sells my products?
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: Did I create products? Am I a product myself? It's
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: a little girl in there.
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: She's weak, her bones are broken. She's on the ground.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: Yes, there's a broken girl on the ground. She said,
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: I need your help. The only way I can get
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: your help is if you sell all of the products
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: in here.
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: And Roger Bubble he said, no, I can't sell these products.
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: I don't know who these are. The little girl says,
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: but don't you see I need your help.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: So Roger aside, Am I going to sell products that
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: I know nothing about to help this little girl?
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: Or am I just going to go on with my life?
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: Roger moved Okay, Roger moves on. He moves on to
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: his life.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Thirty years go by, the little girl fittits him, still
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: bones broken, crawls up to the door.
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: She's now forty year old woman, but her bones never healed.
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: She says, what's going on?
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: And she says, listen to me. I'm not a little
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: girl with broken bones. I'm an alien and my bones
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: are just like this.
• 43:55
  Speaker 4: Blackout again. I just feel fundamentally, you guys are starting
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: from the wrong place.
• 43:59
  Speaker 5: Also say the last five pitches of yours in the
• 44:03
  Speaker 5: the last you Recently, you have really glowed onto the
• 44:07
  Speaker 5: phrase my bones are just like this. I've noticed that
• 44:10
  Speaker 5: many of your pictures that come across the desk and
• 44:12
  Speaker 5: with people saying, yes, my bones are just like this.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: Are you staring into a mirror?
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: We make forty episodes of TV and they come out
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: once a week. Have I do this every eight weeks?
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: Nobody knows the difference.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: That's true. Okay, if you have so much to say
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: about our pitches, what's the up.
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: Well, then, just for the record, we are pitching what
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: we think happened.
• 44:31
  Speaker 5: Yes, let's not forget the thread. That's the most dangerous
• 44:33
  Speaker 5: thing a TV writer can do is forget the thread.
• 44:36
  Speaker 5: He is the man living these things himself, and then
• 44:39
  Speaker 5: he falls into the hole. He does the thing that
• 44:41
  Speaker 5: happens and that he's pitching in the room, and then
• 44:44
  Speaker 5: he doesn't realize who he is until Sam remote on
• 44:49
  Speaker 5: dial on static, he sees himself on the TV.
• 44:54
  Speaker 3: The only thing writers have in common with seamstresses is
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: our attention to threads.
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: Again, fundamentally, fundamentally, you guys are all about You love
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: small people and people love TV, and you love brittle
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: bugs and aliens.
• 45:11
  Speaker 5: He's so interesting because why would a why would a
• 45:14
  Speaker 5: man make that accusation? Why would a man notice something?
• 45:16
  Speaker 5: Why would a man notice that a man is pitching
• 45:19
  Speaker 5: things that are a small man if he were not
• 45:22
  Speaker 5: secretly a small man himself. Now, what if you were
• 45:25
  Speaker 5: a tiny man and then we were all secretly big,
• 45:27
  Speaker 5: but you would take it a pill? You were taking
• 45:29
  Speaker 5: a pill.
• 45:32
  Speaker 4: You're secretly big.
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: But I've taken a pill, Hi, Tracy, I'm gonna jump
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: on that. What if you have taken a pill that
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: makes you super small and all super big and me
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: love mill caw.
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: Yes, what if we're big and we don't know it?
• 45:43
  Speaker 5: And what if there's a big clock and the clock
• 45:45
  Speaker 5: strikes midnight and then.
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: It breaks again again and nothing is lighting up for me.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: It's just lining up because maybe you're a different hut.
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: Oh I'm not. You can see. I'm just a regular
• 45:56
  Speaker 4: man again. How would you guys be secretly tall? And Okay? Anyway,
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: I just think if the real story is maybe more
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: interesting than anything we created. I think maybe maybe a story,
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: maybe what happened, the real story of a writer's room, the.
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: Real story of Roger Bubble, which we haven't wrapped up.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, go ahead, we're talking about the real story of
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Roger's association with but we started wrap this up.
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: Why don't you just tell us? Because I think it's
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: pretty obvious. They said, hey, well we'll pay you money, milk.
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 46:33
  Speaker 5: I think that's this all comes down to truth. It
• 46:36
  Speaker 5: comes down to the room, it comes down to the law.
• 46:39
  Speaker 5: So go ahead.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: The way you said it is the way it happened, Okay.
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: And I loved your.
• 46:45
  Speaker 5: Pictures, pictures on what you could do from now on.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: Yes, I loved it. I was working for milk, that's it.
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: Wow, some sort of sponsored work, I see.
• 47:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: I fell on my head and I call it con
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: spawn huh con con.
• 47:06
  Speaker 5: Span spawn when I get the spawn part, Now, any
• 47:11
  Speaker 5: man could see that stands for sponsored. Now con that's
• 47:14
  Speaker 5: a mystery to me.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: Con con man, Eh, that's me.
• 47:18
  Speaker 5: I'm a con man, sponsored con man, a sponsored con
• 47:21
  Speaker 5: man in our midst.
• 47:22
  Speaker 6: And that's what it's a communist, I ask you this,
• 47:28
  Speaker 6: it's spawn, Calm the spawn communist.
• 47:32
  Speaker 5: Sponsored communist kind.
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: Of defeats the person purpose of communism. If you sponsored, I.
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: Couldn't have seen that twist coming, if I was searing
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: it in the face.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: Ah.
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: Again, fundamentally, your twists are all over the place has
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: completely fallen off. Contest.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: This room is you, young squire?
• 47:52
  Speaker 5: You are the con man.
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: Well, if you just heard out my pitches, i'd be
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: so happy.
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: No, of course, I just want to know.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: Do you want to join us or be on you all?
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: I would love to join you. I would absolutely love
• 48:01
  Speaker 4: to join.
• 48:02
  Speaker 6: You because we are ending on third second season and
• 48:05
  Speaker 6: we all joining starting thirty.
• 48:07
  Speaker 5: We're going into it in our fourth season, where in
• 48:09
  Speaker 5: our fourth season, maybe you have been.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: Too much bubblegum in my jaws and too much coke
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: up my eye.
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: Now, sir, I want to give you a chance. I'd
• 48:19
  Speaker 5: like to give you a chance. And now maybe you
• 48:21
  Speaker 5: can help me with this final idea that I've been
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: riven A picture. This A writer's room, a television writer.
• 48:27
  Speaker 4: Oh, this is the idea from three minutes ago on Sorry,
• 48:32
  Speaker 4: go ahead, shot, chuck your trap hole.
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: Well I wasn't listening to that idea, whatever it was,
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: so I'm gonna say it again. A writer's room. Three people,
• 48:40
  Speaker 5: four people riding away, riding away at the new great
• 48:44
  Speaker 5: episode of television that is going to change television. They
• 48:49
  Speaker 5: ride away and they write away, and they write away,
• 48:50
  Speaker 5: and they ride away and they write about something that
• 48:53
  Speaker 5: is occurring on the television and that stops.
• 48:58
  Speaker 11: They've written the perfect episode. They've written hawk, They've written
• 49:02
  Speaker 11: the perfect episode. They've written the perfect episode. They deliver
• 49:06
  Speaker 11: it to their boss Rod story Well, and then what
• 49:10
  Speaker 11: appears on the TV the footage of them writing the episode.
• 49:14
  Speaker 11: They were characters in the television show the whole time.
• 49:17
  Speaker 4: So how am I supposed to finish this? I feel
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: like you just pitched it off.
• 49:22
  Speaker 5: Well that was the second act mid point.
• 49:23
  Speaker 4: Okay, well tell me now. Well, I think maybe what
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: could happen is maybe what's actually playing is not playing
• 49:31
  Speaker 4: at all. Maybe what they're doing looking to the character.
• 49:34
  Speaker 4: Maybe maybe what's happening is this episode of television is
• 49:38
  Speaker 4: all in their brains and it's made up and it
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: never comes out. And then sixty years later, some new
• 49:45
  Speaker 4: invention people go from radio, from story to radio to
• 49:50
  Speaker 4: television to movies back to radio.
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: No.
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: And then what happens is a group of four people
• 49:57
  Speaker 4: they try to recreate this episode and realize the whole
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: time that they were creating something that already existed.
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: Where are the aliens?
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: I no aliens? And you still talk like you have vagina?
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: This has been the twilight Zone.
• 50:19
  Speaker 5: Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists is an improvised
• 50:22
  Speaker 5: Hollywood round table podcast created and performed and produced by
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: Kylie Bragman, Jeremy Colhayne, Angela Geritana, and Patrick McDonald. Music
• 50:31
  Speaker 5: is by Gabriel Pontan. The opinions expressed on this podcast
• 50:34
  Speaker 5: do not reflect the opinions of anyone who works on it, not.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: Even the performers.
• 50:38
  Speaker 5: Because this is an improvised podcast and we're stupid. Both
• 50:42
  Speaker 5: video versions of AOAOAOA are available on YouTube, so please
• 50:46
  Speaker 5: like and subscribe and leave us a five star review
• 50:48
  Speaker 5: wherever you get your podcasts. That's all for now, good
• 50:51
  Speaker 5: Night Hollywood,