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Why Narcissists accuse you of never supporting them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissists and when
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  narcissists accuse you of not supporting them, like, why in
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  the hell do they do this? Like, what do they get out of it
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  when they accuse you of not supporting them, when they
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  accuse you of not being there for them, Like, what is the
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  point? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I may diagnose narcissists.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Let's get it. So boom.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Yeah.
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  Yo, this is one of them. Crazy.
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  Not necessarily crazy. This is one of those topics that
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  I get a lot of questions on that a lot of people don't even care
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  for it because I don't get a lot of followers, I don't get a lot
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  of comments, don't get a lot of likes, but I get a lot of
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  questions about this. I was just joking.
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  But yes, y'all I do get a lot of I do get this question quite a
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  bit. Like why does my narcissistic
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  partner always accuse me of not supporting them even though I've
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  given them, even though I bankrolled their their business
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  idea, even though I helped put them through school, even though
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  I did this, even though I've done this, even though I've did
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  that. Like, why is it never enough for
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  them that a lot of people do face what exactly what I'm
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  saying, they face this, this accusation.
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  And a lot of, you know, a lot of people do face it head on,
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  right? But most narcissists, they are
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  going to treat you in a certain type of way.
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  They yeah, they, you can never do enough for a narcissist,
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  right? And that's, and that's for me
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  being absolutely just honest with you.
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  You can never do enough for this person.
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  When you do something, they're always going to want more.
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  So before you do something full a narcissistic person,
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  especially if you think, if you know you're dealing with a
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  narcissist, if you're watching this, you might be dealing with
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  one, right? Or you, you're on the fence
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  right before you do something for this person, ask yourself,
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  are you willing to go to the next level?
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  Because they're going to ask for more.
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  That's why I that's why I asked that question right there.
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  Ask yourself, are you willing to take it to the next level?
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  Because there are a lot of times they're absolutely going to ask
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  you for more. They're going to ask you for
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  more money, going to ask you for more cheeks.
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  They're going to ask you for whatever it is that you provided
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  them. They're going to want more of
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  it. I like it, I love it.
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  I want more of it. Yes, they're going to want
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  absolutely, absolutely going to want more, more of whatever
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  you've given them. It's not.
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  It's never enough. That's why they're accused you
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  of not supporting them even though you are.
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  That's why I accuse you of not being there for them or not
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  riding or dying with them, even though you've done everything
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  possible that you could do you. Yeah, they could give you.
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  The crazy about it is they could absolutely give you a checklist
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  of things that are required for you to be with them.
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  Right. And you, you might do it.
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  You might. OK, babe, I checked it all off.
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  Do you love me now? And they will still ask, saying
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  you didn't do enough for me. They'll blame you for the
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  failure of the business. They'll blame you for whatever
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  is happening, whatever is going on, they will absolutely put it
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  on you. So that's what you have to
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  prepare for. That's part of what you have to
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  deal with. When you deal with this
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  personality type, they're going to put it on to you.
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  They're going to make you feel like you don't matter.
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  Nothing you says or does nothing you say or do, it means the damn
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  they're going to keep continuously doing the type of
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  stuff because they feel like they benefit directly from it.
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  A lot of them are going to do it because it keeps you.
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  Like, one of the main reasons that they do this because
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  because it keeps you working harder.
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  It keeps you feeling like you haven't done enough, that you
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  can do more. It keeps you confused.
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  It keeps you, yeah, damn. It can keep you feeling like a
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  non supportive partner or non supportive spouse.
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  It can make you feel like you absolutely haven't done enough
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  for them. And you can start to feel bad
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  about it. Like, damn, maybe I haven't been
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  there for them. Even though I sacrificed my
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  life, even though I've given them everything I can give them,
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  even though I quit my job, even though I dipped into my 401K,
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  even though I, you know, decided to, it's my job to stay home and
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  raise the kids, to stay home and do this, to stay home and do
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  that. I quit my job to to to work for
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  your company. And I apparently I, I have, I'm
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  not doing enough for you. What the hell are you talking
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  about? Like, you've given them every
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  single thing and it's never going to be enough.
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  That's today's lesson. It's not going to be enough.
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  It just, yeah, it just isn't. And that's not me trying to be
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  mean. That's me trying to bring you
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  some clarity right there. Willie.
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  I feel like I've given my all. Sometimes you're all is not
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  enough for your your all, your everything is going to not be
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  enough for the wrong person. You can never be enough for the
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  wrong person. That's just factual right there,
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  y'all? You could never be enough for
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  the wrong person because they don't know how to value you.
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  They don't know how to how to determine work correctly.
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  They don't know, they think they're more valuable than you.
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  They think you should be there for them.
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  They think yo, they think that you should give them every
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  single thing that you've worked hard for in your life.
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  They this is how they feel. And This is why, like when they
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  started to keep like, yo, you could just have done every
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  single thing for them and you take some time for yourself,
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  right? You like, OK, I supported you in
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  your business endeavor for the last four or five years.
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  I you know, I've been a stay at home parent.
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  I let you allow you to chase your dreams.
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  Now I'm about the kids are in school now I'm going to get back
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  in school while the kids are in school or something like that.
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  This is just a vague example right there.
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  You know what I'm saying? Stay at home parent.
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  I didn't say stay at home mom, because there's some stay at
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  home parents out there, right? If some people quit their jobs
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  to help their partner out chase their dreams.
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  So you quit your job, you did everything else and they and
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  then when you go back and try to you, you try to do something for
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  yourself. They accuse you of being non
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  supportive. They accuse you of being selfish
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  and putting your own needs above their own above theirs, when
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  that's when that's what they've been doing the entire time to
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  you. They're accusing you of doing
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  exactly the same thing that they're doing.
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  You put your needs above mine, like you're not a ride or die.
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  You don't really support me. You did.
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  You're not a real person. You're not did.
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  You're not that. They'll put it on to you to make
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  it feel like you're an evil ass person.
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  They'll make you feel evil. Yeah, it's crazy.
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  They will make you feel evil for supporting yourself.
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  They'll make you feel bad for doing something for yourself.
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  This is it's insane. It's insane.
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  It absolutely is. They will make you feel bad
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  about start trying to do something for yourself when they
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  don't even need you to be there for you.
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  They don't want to see you grow, they don't want to see you
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  succeed, they don't want to see you moving forward or anything
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  like that. They want to hold you back.
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  They absolutely do. They want to hold you back.
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  And a lot of times they'll ask you to sacrifice everything to
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  help them. And let's just say on the off
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  chance that they do succeed, right, Let's say they do succeed
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  at something. Guess what?
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  Once they succeed at it, once they succeed with it, guess what
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  they're going to do next? They're going to claim that you
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  never supported them. A lot of times when you support
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  them, you've got, you've given them everything.
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  You gave them your all. When you sacrifice when you felt
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  like you shouldn't have, when you didn't have to, they're
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  going to discard you and go find somebody else because they feel
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  like, well, you don't deserve me anymore.
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  They're going to feel like they outgrew you.
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  Imagine you watering somebody. It's like you are like you are a
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  master, a Boris. I know what they call the flower
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  people an A Boris. I could be a arborist.
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  I forgot what they call y'all the people who do who tend to
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  the flowers, right? They like say you can be a
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  master at that, watering, cultivating, doing all of this
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  stuff for them. And then guess what?
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  They at the end of the day, they leave you for somebody else.
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  You water them too much and now they accuse you of not doing
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  enough for them, right? Or the crazy about it is they'll
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  accuse you of being jealous of them.
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  Imagine your partner, who you've been there for, who you've done
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  nothing but help and do all this other stuff with.
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  Imagine them getting to a point in their life when they call
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  you, when they call you a user, or they call you manipulative,
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  or they call you a gold digger or something like that.
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  Because after you, after you've helped build them up, you could
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  never do enough for the wrong person.
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  They're always going to find a way to try it and invalidate
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  you. They're always going to try to
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  find a way to make you feel bad about your decisions to support
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  them or be there like they're always going to make.
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  Find a way to make you feel like you you're not doing enough and
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  you need to work harder. Even when you, even when you're
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  worn thin, even when you're tired as hell, even when you're
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  sick, even when you don't feel good, even when you like you're
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  giving your all and you're just drain, they're going to try to
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  get even more out of you. They'll use you up, y'all.
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  They absolutely will use you up and make you feel like you're
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  not worth a damn thing to them and you're going to feel bad.
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  Let's keep it hot and ready. You're going to feel bad.
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  You're going to feel a certain type of way.
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  These are the behavior. This is the mentality of an
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  abusive, manipulative narcissist.
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  They're going to keep doing the same things over and over and
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  over again like you cannot support them more than let's
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  say. And this, I'm not telling you to
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  not support your partner, y'all. I'm telling you if you're
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  supporting an abusive manipulator, just be prepared
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  and protect yourself because a lot of times, like you'll
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  support them through thick and thin.
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  You'll be doing all of this stuff for them and at the end of
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  the day, guess what happens if they don't put your name on any
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  type of paperwork? You have no rights to their
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  company or to their work. They'll claim that they're
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  self-made, that they did it on their own, and what the young
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  folks say, they got it out the mud.
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  They'll claim that they got it out the mud when you were there
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  for them the entire time, when you struggled with them the
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  entire time, when you were just beating yourself up and wearing
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  your fingers and shoes thin, You were there for them the entire
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  time. You help them train, you help
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  them work out, you help them build, you help them grow, but
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  you didn't do enough for them, right?
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  You know what happens is when you do something for them, will
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  you help them out? They feel like they outgrow you.
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  And I'm telling you, when they feel like they outgrow you, they
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  will replace your ass. And it sucks.
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  They will absolutely replace you and get rid of you in this
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  situation and feel like they they and feel like they find
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  somebody that fits them better. They try to find somebody that
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  fits them better. And does it work sometimes?
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  Yeah, it worked out. Let's be real, it does work
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  sometimes because they're trying to manipulate they're they're
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  trying to do this, they're trying to do that.
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  It does work. It does.
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  They get to that point where they're being extremely
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  manipulative or extremely toxic or extremely whatever the the
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  hell about the cuss, whatever the hell they have going on.
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  I might end up cussing later anyway, but they'll they'll put
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  this on you. Y'all.
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  That's why I'm just telling you right now, if you're out there
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  struggling, if you're dealing with a narcissistic person and
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  he's just like I can't, there's nothing I can do for this person
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  to make them happy. It's not on you.
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  You can't make somebody happy that needs external validation
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  to be happy overall. You can't support them or you
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  supporting them right now. They'll make you feel like it
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  because they want to keep you guessing.
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  They want to keep you working hard.
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  They want to keep you feel like you're stuck with them, like
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  they want to keep you feel like you're a lazy ass bastard when
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  you haven't. When you're doing every single
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  thing for them, this is what happens.
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  This is what happens when they do that.
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  When they do this, they want you to work harder.
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  When they do this, when I accuse you of not supporting them, they
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  want you to work harder. They want you to just look, get,
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  get, give into their demands. They want you to just listen to
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  them and allow them to be the voice of reason in your life,
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  which sounds absolutely crazy when you get down to the nitty
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  gritty of it. It sounds absolutely insane.
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  When you get down to the nitty gritty of people doing this
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  toxic, crazy ass stuff, it can get absolutely insane.
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  Like Lee, what the hell is going on?
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  Why this person doing this? Why they behaving this way?
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  Why they acting this way? Why can't they just let me heal?
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  Why can't they just let me move on?
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  Why can't they just do this? Why can't they just appreciate
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  the work that I do for you? A lot of times if they feel like
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  they feel like if they're not accusing you of not being
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  supportive, then you that you'll just leave them.
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  They think you're going to leave.
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  So they want you to put the hard work in.
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  They want you to work hard for them.
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  They want you to work hard for them.
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  They absolutely do. So this is another thing that
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  you absolutely have to prepare for when you're dealing with a
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  manipulative, manipulative abuser.
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  They're going to try to make it seem like you are this horrible,
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  horrible wench, like you have all this terrible stuff that
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  you're doing and you have going on in your life.
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  They're going to make it seem like you are this horribly awful
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  person where you are, not you. I wouldn't leave.
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  Nobody ever called me that before.
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  A narcissist will, if you ever deal with a narcissist for they
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  will call you a horrible ass person and they'll stand on it.
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  They'll call you horrible and they'll absolutely stand on it,
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  right? They'll call you a horrible ass
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  person and they'll stand on it to the end of time.
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  This is how they want to go about, this is how they want to
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  go about being remembered and whatever happens to them, right?
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  This is what they want to do. This is what they want to say.
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  Like you can never do enough for the person that doesn't
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  appreciate you because they're always be asking for more.
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  You will say I'm done, I did everything you asked me for.
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  And then guess what happens? They'll go out here and and just
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  tell people that you never did anything for them.
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  They absolutely will. They'll keep doing this crazy
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  ass stuff to keep you working harder.
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  And a lot of times they'll tell other people as well.
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  They'll tell other people that you're not being supportive.
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  They'll yeah, they'll start a smear campaign on you about your
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  lack of support, even though you've been there for them the
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  entire time. They will absolutely start a
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  smear campaign on you where they treating you horribly.
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  You know what I mean? Just based on their perception
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  of what you have and have not done.
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  Let me tell you this right here. Your worth or your value is not
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  determined by somebody who doesn't know how to appreciate
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  you. It's impossible.
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  How do they? Yeah, how the hell do they know
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  what you are worth if they don't know?
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  If they don't really know you, they can't value that.
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  They can't correctly value the experience and the stuff that
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  you bring to the table that you don't need them in your life
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  anyway, right? You don't need an appreciative,
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  toxic ass, manipulative person in your life that's going to be
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  tricking you and doing all this crazy ass stuff to you is going
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  to be treating you horrible. There's so many different moving
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  pieces that are going on here, right?
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  You have to protect yourself, protect your peace at all costs
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  because your peace is absolutely worth protecting.
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  So if they tell you that you never done something for them,
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  just know that you've done enough.
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  You done everything that you could do.
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  You can't baby them or mother them or father them to the
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  finish line because they're, you know, you can't do that.
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  It's not your responsibility. Yeah, you have to tune into
• 15:03
  another episode. Y'all know.
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  I appreciate y'all. I'll rock with you.
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  this is that peace. What's going on?
• 15:26
  Beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
• 15:28
  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
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  subscribe button. You made it this far, you might
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  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
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  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
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  I'm out.