Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / What happens when 2 narcissists get together in a relationship

Transcript

What happens when 2 narcissists get together in a relationship · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what happens when two narcissists get married or get
• 0:03
  into a relationship with each other?
• 0:05
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock and welcome to
• 0:07
  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:09
  I'm a self aware narcissist on here trying to help raise
• 0:11
  awareness for NPD, get more people into therapy and also
• 0:14
  validate the victims, survivors, and thrivers of state disorder.
• 0:17
  Say toxic trace or what? Yeah, so yeah, two narcissists
• 0:20
  getting married, 2 narcissists are in a relationship together.
• 0:24
  What does that look like? So first of all, I know why I
• 0:27
  get this question so much. I know why I get this question
• 0:30
  because so many people get into these relationships with
• 0:33
  narcissistic, with narcissistic people, and you might start
• 0:37
  behaving narcissistically yourself.
• 0:40
  You might start being toxic yourself.
• 0:43
  And I asked people like, have you been this way before your
• 0:45
  relationship? You have to be honest with
• 0:46
  yourself. Have you been this way before
• 0:48
  you got into this relationship? They're like, no, honestly, no,
• 0:50
  I haven't been this way. Like every other relationship
• 0:53
  has been cool. We've had amicable breakups,
• 0:55
  whatever might have happened, but we've been cool.
• 0:57
  This one right here, I'm acting like this person, like they
• 0:59
  cheated on me, so I'm trying to cheat back.
• 1:01
  I'm lying to stay. They're lying to me.
• 1:03
  I saw lying to them. Like I don't feel like myself.
• 1:06
  So that happens a lot of times. That's called narcissistic
• 1:08
  fleas. When you start to act like a
• 1:11
  narcissist because you're being you because you're in a
• 1:13
  relationship with one or you're raised by one, that happens a
• 1:16
  lot. You you pick up narcissistic
• 1:18
  traits. And another reason a lot of
• 1:20
  people ask me this question is because the narcissistic person
• 1:23
  that you might have dealt with might be in a relationship with
• 1:26
  somebody who you see as equally toxic as them.
• 1:29
  Like they might y'all you might be trying to Co parent with your
• 1:32
  narcissistic ex and their partner.
• 1:34
  It's making their life the partner, the new supply,
• 1:36
  whatever is also acting toxic towards you and maybe towards
• 1:40
  your children as well. So that happens too.
• 1:42
  That's that's the question I get a lot of times.
• 1:44
  Like is either you feeling like you might be a narcissist in a
• 1:47
  relation with a narcissist, or you see two, you see your your
• 1:52
  ex, who might be narcissistic with another person that is
• 1:54
  narcissist. Those are the two, one of the
• 1:56
  two of the two of the main reasons why I get this question.
• 1:59
  But what happens when two narcissists actually get up, get
• 2:01
  together and link up, get married and whatnot, get in a
• 2:04
  relationship with each other. So I haven't.
• 2:06
  I tell this story sometimes, but like this is, I'll tell the
• 2:09
  story of my one on ones. But this is a trigger point for
• 2:13
  me because I've actually dated A narcissistic woman.
• 2:16
  Y'all I have. I've been in a relation with a
• 2:17
  narcissist before and so did I know she was a narcissist while
• 2:20
  we were together? No, no.
• 2:22
  But looking back on it years down the road and analyzing my
• 2:26
  previous previous relationship in history, she was 100% a
• 2:29
  narcissist. She She she 1000% was.
• 2:32
  Because even after our relationship ended, her
• 2:35
  behaviors continued just like mine.
• 2:37
  Just like mine continued as well.
• 2:39
  This is not me trying to put it all on her.
• 2:40
  Mine continued as well in my new relationships, and hers
• 2:43
  continued as well in her new relationship.
• 2:44
  Because I just, you can see it. I talked to her, she told me
• 2:47
  like, ah, damn, you got a you you got a evil, you know?
• 2:50
  But looking back at it, that's why we connected.
• 2:52
  When two narcissists get together, y'all a lot of times
• 2:55
  they they're drawn together through shared, similar
• 2:58
  experiences. Like the The Mutual Love Bombing
• 3:01
  is as toxic as it is. It's as toxic as it is
• 3:07
  addictive. You know, two narcissists love
• 3:09
  bombing each other or trying to match each other's energy is
• 3:12
  extremely toxic. But it's like it it it is, it's
• 3:15
  like a nectar, so to speak. It's just like you get attracted
• 3:19
  to it, you know, two narcissistic people together is
• 3:23
  a is a mutually toxic relationship.
• 3:24
  It might, it might not start off their way.
• 3:26
  Y'all. It doesn't start off their way.
• 3:28
  It starts off with two people who who's who both lack
• 3:31
  identity, right? They both lack identity, so
• 3:35
  they're trying to mirror each other.
• 3:36
  So imagine 2 blank slates mirroring each other.
• 3:39
  So what you do in these positions is you use things that
• 3:42
  you have learned in the past from previous relationships.
• 3:44
  You use them right now, you use them up front with this new
• 3:48
  person. You say like now, now I'm doing
• 3:50
  the things that I used to do, you know, with other people with
• 3:54
  you, 'cause I don't know what you like and you don't know what
• 3:57
  I like. So you doing the same thing.
• 3:59
  You're breaking your old relationship stuff here and so
• 4:02
  am I. So we're both lying.
• 4:03
  Now it's is exhausted. This is my actually, I hate
• 4:07
  telling this story because it's really it really does trigger
• 4:09
  me. But I wouldn't be authentic if I
• 4:13
  wouldn't wouldn't be willing and able to deal with my triggers
• 4:15
  because I still talk to my therapist about this right now.
• 4:18
  I still talk to my therapist about this previous
• 4:20
  relationship. Can we both talk to each other?
• 4:22
  We both lying to each other like discovered lies about each
• 4:24
  other. Yeah, it was so bad.
• 4:26
  It was so bad. It's like we were trying to one
• 4:28
  of each other way. Once the love bombing ended and
• 4:30
  we both started seeing each other's flaws.
• 4:33
  This thing, the things we really didn't like about each other.
• 4:35
  We didn't just break up. We stayed together.
• 4:38
  We used to work together. So that's why I tell people,
• 4:39
  don't date your coworkers. We used to work together.
• 4:42
  You know, we worked together for a while and we both.
• 4:47
  Yeah, like, God, I'm telling you, I hate that in this order.
• 4:50
  But yeah, it was so bad because I like, yeah, I had just, and
• 4:53
  this is a crazy part, I had just had a baby, too.
• 4:55
  My oldest son, he was just born when I was with this person.
• 4:58
  And, like, it was like, that's bad enough.
• 5:01
  Like, that's a red flag. Like getting with somebody who
• 5:03
  just had a baby with somebody else.
• 5:05
  And I just broke up with the other person was crazy like
• 5:07
  this, this. She was my new supply.
• 5:09
  And I'm pretty sure I was hers. She was lying to me about the
• 5:11
  beginning, about getting out of her relationship, But she was my
• 5:14
  new supply and I was hers. So we were both each other's new
• 5:17
  supply. It's like we were both using
• 5:19
  each other to make our exes jealous.
• 5:21
  It was so mutually toxic. It was crazy, you know, And that
• 5:26
  was just a revelation. I just had right there that she
• 5:28
  was my new supply and I was also hers.
• 5:30
  And but yes, she had childhood trauma.
• 5:32
  She had daddy issues. Her dad had moved to a whole
• 5:35
  different country and had raised her siblings more than he raised
• 5:38
  her. So she was like by herself, you
• 5:40
  know, her dad had raised her siblings, you know, and didn't
• 5:44
  raise her. So she had this abandonment
• 5:46
  issues. She had this neglect issues.
• 5:48
  So she grew up with it. She grew up with that mindset
• 5:51
  that she I think she kind of hated men and you know I was a
• 5:55
  dad and I just left my girlfriend but I've still got my
• 5:58
  oldest son he's I still am his dad.
• 6:01
  We like that's my that's my Rd. Dogg.
• 6:03
  You know, I've been a father for 15 years.
• 6:05
  Like that's not I didn't abandoned my kid, but I think
• 6:10
  she saw that I had left the mom we made The mom broke up.
• 6:13
  She saw that as a trigger point for her and she tried to punch
• 6:15
  me for like narcissistic people punish you for things people
• 6:19
  have done to them. They punish you for people for
• 6:22
  things people had done to them, you know, and it's just wild.
• 6:25
  Y'all we had a mutually toxic relationship where we were both
• 6:28
  lying to each other, trying to one up each other, just like we
• 6:31
  didn't trust each other, but we would not leave each other
• 6:33
  alone. Like I said, we worked together.
• 6:34
  So that was even worse. You know, that was even worse
• 6:38
  because we had we had to see each other.
• 6:40
  Now, we had this energy where we did not.
• 6:42
  We no longer liked each other, but we still in a relationship
• 6:45
  and we still worked together. So we was, like, punishing each
• 6:48
  other. Like, not returning phone calls,
• 6:50
  not returning text messages. Like wouldn't text each other.
• 6:53
  We would not text each other for a whole day.
• 6:55
  One person wouldn't respond to the other, but we had to work
• 6:57
  together the next day. It's just weird.
• 6:59
  Like, what's what happened last night?
• 7:00
  Oh, I fell asleep, though. Oh, me too.
• 7:02
  Like, yeah, when two toxic, narcissistic people to get
• 7:04
  together, they're going to lie to each other.
• 7:06
  They're going to manipulate each other.
• 7:07
  It might not happen all at once, but it does happen.
• 7:10
  And this is the crazy thing about it.
• 7:11
  They will put on the facade that things are okey.
• 7:14
  Dokey that things are OK, especially if they're using the
• 7:17
  new person to try to make an old person jealous.
• 7:20
  If they're trying to use you to make an to, if they're trying to
• 7:22
  use, if a narcissist is trying to use their relationship
• 7:25
  partner to make the ex jealous, they'll keep the relationship
• 7:27
  going and vice versa. It's just like 2 toxic people
• 7:31
  just making this stuff. Yeah, we got it.
• 7:33
  It really did get bad. Like in the end I end up having
• 7:37
  to quit that job because it was just getting.
• 7:38
  So when we did break up, I had to quit that job because it was
• 7:44
  just getting so toxic. I was getting She was driving me
• 7:45
  crazy. Yeah, she was literally driving
• 7:47
  me crazy. I know people are going to say
• 7:48
  that. Like, Willie, you deserved it
• 7:49
  because you're narcissist. You hurt people.
• 7:50
  Yeah. Yeah, I do feel like I I did
• 7:52
  deserve it. This is not me.
• 7:53
  You can't. You can't rub it in.
• 7:54
  Like I said, I'm in. I'm a talk.
• 7:56
  I'm talking about. That was about it.
• 7:57
  You can't rub that in. I'm already rub it into myself.
• 8:00
  But I did some bad things to her, too.
• 8:01
  I was lying to her and going out to the club cheating.
• 8:03
  I was doing some horrible stuff too.
• 8:05
  So it was just like, see, we were both each other's karmas.
• 8:09
  It's just like we were. We were karma Incarnate to to
• 8:13
  one another because we were both mutually toxic as hell to each
• 8:16
  other. Like I said, we used to lie all
• 8:17
  the time and just like, but we would, you know, the love mommy
• 8:21
  phase was intense. Like, we were trying, she was
• 8:23
  trying to move. She was trying to move extremely
• 8:25
  quickly because she she saw I just had a baby.
• 8:28
  So she's trying to get me to get her pregnant.
• 8:29
  She's trying to get me to lock, lock in and get her pregnant
• 8:31
  really quickly. And I was just like, normally
• 8:33
  they would have worked on a narcissist.
• 8:35
  Like I want to trap her too. You like, We want to trap each
• 8:37
  other. I was just like, I just had a
• 8:38
  baby. I was just like, I can't do
• 8:40
  this. You know I don't I can't afford
• 8:42
  two kids. I was just like, no, I so this.
• 8:44
  I think that made her. I think they made her angry
• 8:47
  because I just had a baby and I wouldn't have one with her.
• 8:50
  I think that pissed her off. Honestly just ain't about it
• 8:53
  because I just. I just had one because she in
• 8:55
  her mind and she said out loud too one time.
• 8:57
  She's like, so I'm, I'm not good enough to have a baby with.
• 8:59
  You just had one. I was like, what are you talking
• 9:00
  about? I was like, let me have a
• 9:02
  buffer. I can't have two kids born in
• 9:04
  the same year that like give me a buffer.
• 9:06
  Like good to God, you know two kids born in the same year by
• 9:09
  two different people. I exactly 9 to 11 months apart.
• 9:14
  No, I can't do that. Like I'm just telling y'all it
• 9:17
  was such a it was such a toxic relationship.
• 9:19
  It is. I'm glad I am.
• 9:22
  It just sucks to tell the story. But I'm glad I'm getting it out
• 9:25
  in the open. I've said, I've said bits and
• 9:26
  pieces up before, y'all and I'll do a, you know, I might do a
• 9:29
  live one day when I take questions about it.
• 9:32
  But like I said, when we did break up, we worked together.
• 9:37
  So I would still be going to the club and stuff like that.
• 9:41
  And I would come to work the next day and everybody would
• 9:43
  tell him, like, hey, Lee went to the club last night, he was
• 9:45
  partying. They would tell her that type of
• 9:46
  stuff. I'm like, well stop telling her
• 9:48
  that stuff. I'm not trying to make her
• 9:50
  jealous. Y'all are doing it, you know?
• 9:52
  And then so she took that y'all and tried to match my energy so
• 9:55
  she would get a boyfriend and start bringing her boyfriends to
• 9:57
  the job. And we had like, it was a
• 9:58
  customer service job. So she would bring people into
• 10:01
  the job I was like, and I had and I had to check him out and
• 10:05
  she would just be looking at me smiling.
• 10:06
  Yeah, she's just so evil. She would look at me smiling.
• 10:09
  I'm checking her out like you, you got me.
• 10:12
  You won this battle. But it's like getting so
• 10:14
  intense, it started to affect my mental health so much that they
• 10:17
  had to quit that job. Y'all, And this is before
• 10:19
  therapy. This is, this is I this is years
• 10:22
  ago. I can't even think of the year.
• 10:23
  It was so long ago. My son was born in 2008, so this
• 10:28
  was around 2 2008, 2009 I started Harris Teeter.
• 10:33
  I started, I quit Harris Teeter in 2017.
• 10:35
  I worked at Harris Teeter. So this is 08/09 when all this
• 10:38
  was happening and I think 2010 is when we when I quit because
• 10:41
  that's when I started working at Harris Teeter distribution
• 10:43
  center. So yeah, this is, this is years
• 10:45
  ago, this is like 15 years ago. But it still has an effect on me
• 10:48
  today because it bothers my mind, you know, but end up
• 10:51
  having to quit that job and for the best, end up being for the
• 10:54
  best. I use that energy and their
• 10:55
  motivation to better my life, to go back to school, lose a lot of
• 10:59
  weight, you know, started getting better jobs and stuff
• 11:01
  like that. So they, they didn't motivate
• 11:03
  me. I'm motivated by wild things
• 11:04
  like that, by anger. But you know, she ended up, she
• 11:07
  ended up getting married after that, cheating on her husband.
• 11:10
  She didn't get married. One of those dudes that she
• 11:11
  bought into the place and she done cheating on her husband,
• 11:15
  somebody else. And then she left her husband
• 11:17
  and she had a baby. Wow story y'all.
• 11:20
  Anyways, y'all 2 narcissists get together is a toxic, toxic
• 11:23
  relationship where they try to one up each other, you know?
• 11:25
  Anyways, y'all be safe. Take care of yourself.
• 11:28
  And I will never mention this story again 'cause it's still
• 11:30
  triggered. Yeah, but this is out.
• 11:32
  Please. Thank you so much for making it
• 11:35
  to the end of my video. Y'all If you haven't already,
• 11:37
  make sure you hit that like and subscribe button so you don't
• 11:40
  miss any uploads. Turn on that notification bell
• 11:42
  as well. Thank you so much.
• 11:44
  See you later.