Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 194 Untangled Advent: Finding Hope & Rest in the Empty Nest with Author Megan Nilsen

Transcript

194 Untangled Advent: Finding Hope & Rest in the Empty Nest with Author Megan Nilsen · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian Parenting.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Hinklman and you're listening to the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: The show for Christian moms who want to let go with grace and actually enjoy their empty nest.
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a certified empty nest coach, speaker, and mom of five grown kids.
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know the challenges this season brings from letting go to setting healthy boundaries, to rediscovering your purpose, and reconnecting with your husband.
• 0:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week I'll be your guide.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: offering heartfelt conversations, faith-filled encouragement and practical strategies to help you thrive in this next chapter.
• 0:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: My husband and I are loving the emptiness years and I have strong growing relationships with my adult kids and I want the same for you.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't miss the end of each episode.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll share a quick coaching tip you can apply right away and
• 1:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: to improve your relationship with your kids or your spouse.
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: One favor before we dive in, if you find this episode helpful, would you leave a rating and review?
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps other moms discover the show.
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a link in the show notes with instructions.
• 1:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Make sure you're following the podcast so you don't miss a single episode.
• 1:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get started.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the Midlife Mama podcast, The Place for Fate, friendship and real talk for emptiness moms.
• 1:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: As the holidays approach, many of us feel that familiar tension, wanting to make things meaningful for our families while also longing for rest.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: in spiritual renewal ourselves.
• 1:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: The truth is, the rhythms of the holidays look different in this season of life.
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: The house may be quieter, the calendar less predictable, and sometimes our hearts ache for what once was.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what if this year could look different?
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: What if instead of striving to meet everyone's expectations, we allowed ourselves to slow down, untangled the pressure, and meet with God in a fresh way?
• 2:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today I'm joined by Megan Nilsen, a kingdom-life coach, host of kingdom-life coaching podcast and creator of the untangled advent, finding hope in a weary world study.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Megan has such a beautiful heart for helping women experience the deep peace and purpose that come when we focus on Jesus, not the chaos around us.
• 2:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Together we're going to talk about creating sacred rhythms for the holidays, letting go of expectations and preparing our hearts for a rich, faith-filled season.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: So pour yourself a cozy cup of coffee, settle in, and let's get ready to experience advent in a whole new way.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: By the Megan,
• 2:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a rookie mom.
• 2:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a rookie empty-ness mom just so you know just get started Last getting started.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're brand new to the empty-ness and a seminary student so tell me how are you you're justing I'm doing great.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I really I think great.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so my friends after we all the time like how's empty-ness.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like it's amazing
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I always give the caveat that it kind of depends on your family, your family, make up kind of who's the last to launch like we have four kids.
• 3:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: So number four, just went to college about a month ago.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'll just be frank, our younger two were a little.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's a little more energy, a little more difficult, too.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is the same space right now.
• 3:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's so cool.
• 3:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a midlock.
• 3:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I guess.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a well-mounted.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think so.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: No.
• 3:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel like after 25 years of parenting, I'm like, who I'm coming up for a breath.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And, and I'm also like, oh, what is this season?
• 3:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I joke that a lot of women, you know?
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe join the pickleball team or the tennis team.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I'm going to celebrate.
• 3:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm so far so good, so far so good, but it isn't adjustment, and there's, there's a strong possibility.
• 3:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not feeling everything.
• 3:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'd be feeling it.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think if you did a little deeper, we'd be like, oh, okay girl, you're in denial, but that's fine.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's always stuff to deal with, but probably that you have this season to focus on this calling that God has for you was seminary.
• 4:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's so exciting.
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm the thank you.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, many moms enter the holiday season with mixed emotions, excitement, nostalgia, and sometimes even sadness.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as empty nesters, our rhythms look so different from the busy years of raising kids.
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: What have you noticed about how this shift impacts women spiritually during advent?
• 4:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm laughing because for me personally, I can get really stressed.
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, and I'm not, like, as you were reading the bio about, you know, new rhythms and advent, I was just sort of chuckling to myself because I personally am not like the holiday girl.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I put the decorations up in the house and yes, we have a family meal and all the things, but I could list you dozens of moms that are just like slaying at this thing and I feel like the holidays come around and I'm like, wait, what are we doing here?
• 5:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do we have any traditions with what are your traditions?
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh gosh, I don't know, do we have any?
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just want everybody to have a meal together, you know, and so I think the stress comes in a couple of ways from the outside pressure of just expectations and we as women are notorious as moms for feeling it all and we have these like antenna up looking around like what are you expecting?
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: How are you feeling?
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like we have this sort of radar up.
• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then, spiritually, what happens is we can tend to get frustrated, burned out, resentful, because we're trying to, trying to, quote, make it happen for everybody.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And yet, it's something's going to go wrong.
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Somebody's going to get frustrated.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to get frustrated.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if you're not filling your cup first,
• 5:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, this is just like motherhood 101, you will be crispy mama for the rest of the holidays.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so how can you fill your cup?
• 6:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think you and I would say the first thing is to spend time with the Lord.
• 6:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Whatever that looks like for you.
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we could list a number of ways.
• 6:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Go for a walk.
• 6:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Get up early.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: all the things, but like you figure out how you can get centered and filled because if you are not, it will go sideways.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: You'll feel it and so will everybody else.
• 6:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: So there are really dire consequences actually.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I would agree because whether we like it or not, Mama sets the tone.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Always have she always will.
• 6:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so if we are depleted, I think it's sad.
• 6:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I know that I've experienced this.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so exhausted.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so tired.
• 6:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so exhausted.
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so tired.
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, we got to start doing something different.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: We got to start paying attention to our souls.
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're in this.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: should speak to us and say it's time to do something different.
• 7:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do we do different.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, time to do something different.
• 7:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that recognition and maybe even now with somebody's listening to this show, there are some what I would call discernment alarms going off.
• 7:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like maybe you're looking down down the pike at kind of November, December, whatever, whenever this is that you're listening and you're like, oh gosh, that thing is coming.
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh no, I need to get ready for that.
• 7:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I will consider that a discernment alarm because all of a sudden your heart rates a little bit higher and you're thinking, how am I going to do this?
• 7:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: You have to stop now and be like, okay, the one question that I love that I have to ask myself all the time when I'm trying to make decisions and figure out how to move forward is, why does this matter to me so much?
• 7:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why?
• 7:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you're looking at your calendar, you're looking at kind of the flights and Cummings and goings of your kids and your
• 7:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: fill in the day, even how you arrange your table and what the food looks like, like, why does this matter to me so much?
• 8:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you are going to have a different answer that I'm going to have.
• 8:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so the reason the answer so important is because if you can say this matters to me, because it falls in line with my core values, it's going to help me connect more deeply with my people around me.
• 8:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's going to, you fill in the answer, then I would say double down.
• 8:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: explain why this matters to you so much, but then allow the other person to kind of make a decision if they're in or out of your plan.
• 8:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, if the answer is, you know what, in the grand scheme of life.
• 8:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: At the end of the day, this doesn't matter so much.
• 8:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's my preference.
• 8:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would like it this way.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would like my table to look like this.
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would like my calendar to look like this.
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would like everybody at Santa's workshop like happy and taking pictures like,
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: really don't pay them let it go.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I that's a discernment filter I use all the time.
• 8:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's beautiful.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think of myself.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love to cook.
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love setting a lovely table.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: But once my family, you know, we have five kids and then all of them are married except one, then you add grandkids and I'm like, I'm just not into doing dishes anymore.
• 9:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to do it either, but I just wanted to, I like, I used to love to set a table and it was so fun and it was beautiful and I'm just like, you know what, I feel like that's one thing I can let go of and what matters to me now is the people around my table, not what's on my table.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I love special foods and that's beautiful.
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: My daughter even said I can't
• 9:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: way to come home for Thanksgiving because I haven't had your stopping in years.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I said, I know it's so good with the sausage and the apple.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, but I've discovered that it doesn't matter.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't matter to you and it doesn't matter to your family.
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I literally have friends hand-to-heavened Pamela that
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Bravo with their China.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: They pack it in their suit case and they bring it with them.
• 9:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're breathe at all Exactly why because it matters to them that they are setting a specific kind of table.
• 10:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I am not doing that I mean, I guess you could suit up that's their minds if they break all your kind of so what matters to you is important And this is my very first Thanksgiving when I have one kid who's not coming home
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, how are you feeling about that college kid by the way?
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was like excuse me dare he's not you weren't Just you knew it was a boy.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You knew it you knew it.
• 10:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Uh-huh and I'm I'm doing some inner work there, too Because just what is it say about this and it's a choice that he's making for various reasons whatever But yeah, and I think why does this matter to me because I love him?
• 10:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want the family to be together and If he has a season where he's working some things out and he's choosing not to come home
• 10:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to release him to do that, but I think the dance, the tricky dance, is how do I stay engaged and let him know that I still we miss him and all the things without piling on the guilt or pushing him away, it's tricky.
• 10:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's so tricky, that's so good.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whenever we lead with love, we cannot go wrong.
• 11:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Cannot go wrong.
• 11:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: We take those tangled emotions, and we bring them to the Lord.
• 11:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we're like, okay, this is very upsetting to me.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am extremely upset.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: But we don't pour that emotional overwhelm on our child.
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, they're not responsible for our happiness.
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's likely, breast moms to learn.
• 11:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, my kids aren't supposed to make me happy?
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, actually, that's not true.
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey Mama, if your house feels too quiet and your heart feels too heavy after launching your child, I've created a guide just for you.
• 11:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's called journaling through a transitional grief.
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: A gentle, faith-filled resource to help you process the deep emotions of letting go.
• 11:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Inside you'll find six reflection questions that will help you name your feelings.
• 11:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: invite God into the grief and experience his comfort in the middle of change.
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, transitional grief is only a season and God is leading you toward peace, purpose, and joy.
• 12:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can grab your free copy at the link in the show notes.
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, let's talk about how to untangle expectations in this advent season.
• 12:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you recommend?
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, first of all, I love the word untangled.
• 12:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have a book called Untangled Faith, and then you talked about Untangled Advent, and to me, the reason why this message resonates with me so much is that I am a classic kind of people pleaser, firstborn, any agram nine, like keep the peace.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I kind of know what the expectations are, I'm good.
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I get tangled up in my own thoughts and perceptions about what I should be doing with somebody's expecting of me.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's so important to untangle that because having lived this tangled up life for so long, it's very draining and very exhausting.
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not only for me, but for the other people.
• 13:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they feel like, I don't know what you want, Mom.
• 13:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, are you, do you want this?
• 13:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you not want this?
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't, you know?
• 13:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when we untangle something to me, that means being super honest about what you're feeling.
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, of course, we don't want our feelings to rule our life.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the only way to release them, it is to be honest about them and say, okay, I'm feeling frustrated.
• 13:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm feeling disappointed.
• 13:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm feeling blank.
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why?
• 13:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you're going to have to dig a little bit, because sometimes the real answer is not on the surface.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: You might think it's that, you know, that snide comment or something, but it usually signifies a deeper pattern of relating with people.
• 13:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so you want to get honest with yourself, and then you want to get honest with God.
• 13:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if you have a journal or...
• 13:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: or you've talked to him while you're going for a walk, just say, I'm frustrated, I'm disappointed.
• 13:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sad, okay, why does this matter to me so much?
• 13:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I always want to say, God, what do you want to say about this?
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: So my whole book, Untangled Faith, is about how to hear God's voice and journaling, like writing with him because
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: He always tells us that there's a kingdom perspective.
• 14:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: The kingdom of God is vast and mysterious, and his ways are always higher than our ways.
• 14:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm coming to the table saying, OK, God, this is what I see in the natural sense.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is what I'm feeling, very real.
• 14:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I know you have a deeper perspective, a growth oriented abundance, like fruit bearing perspective.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: What is it?
• 14:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: then you have to sit and listen and kind of have that still moment.
• 14:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So he can speak to your heart.
• 14:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would say you're kind of your conscious mind.
• 14:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've never heard the audible voice of God.
• 14:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would love it.
• 14:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, okay, if you want to do that, God, usually though when he does that, it's like big time stuff.
• 14:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I don't know.
• 14:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe I don't.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: But you get a strong impression.
• 14:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's going to guide you through this.
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you, if you set the stage and if you allow that process to happen,
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I believe.
• 14:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm with you 100%.
• 14:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have this pause in the chaos and sit with God and make sense of it.
• 15:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Pay attention to it.
• 15:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Love how in your book you referred to the inner life.
• 15:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is where all the stuff is going on.
• 15:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: We think it's all out here with the activity with our family, but no, it's on the inside.
• 15:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's where the Lord wants to minister to us greatly.
• 15:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you do work on the inside.
• 15:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, what?
• 15:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You got to do work on the outside.
• 15:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: So just because I come to some revelation about how I'm feeling, sometimes I can let it go and move forward.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: But sometimes it requires a conversation with a loved one, with a spouse, with a mother, with a kid.
• 15:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, okay, I just realize I'm feeling this, and I actually even understand why can we talk about this?
• 15:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's sometimes where we get stuck and stunted, because it's like, that's going to be awkward.
• 15:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's going to be hard.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know when is a good time.
• 15:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: When you just start praying for a good time.
• 15:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when the Lord tees up that ball for you, you take a swing because sometimes we're like, is this now the time?
• 15:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think it might be.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Go for it, you know?
• 15:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's beautiful.
• 15:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, in this season, this new season without the hustle of kids at home, we have an opportunity to approach haven't differently.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: What spiritual rhythms or practices would encourage emptiness moms to lean into to experience a deeper connection with God, this Christmas.
• 16:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I would say find something that ministers to your heart personally would say find a devotional of some kind, there's something interesting and a bit magical about that turn of the season, you know when you're kind of hitting the Thanksgiving and Christmas are church calendars oriented to this are natural calendars oriented to this
• 16:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: shift.
• 16:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so take those six seven weeks and find a rhythm that is kind of a renewal, a reset, whether that's finding a plan on the U version app or whether that's buying some sort of devotional.
• 16:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure everybody's coming out with the devotional.
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to talk about mine.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Probably.
• 16:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 16:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And set that time with the Lord.
• 16:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would say 90% of the time it's in the morning.
• 17:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so sorry to tell you.
• 17:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not a morning person, I don't know, I just see Jesus getting up a lot in the morning by himself into a dark place and I just know for me, if I don't get up and do it, it will not happen period.
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: They will get away, I'll think, oh, I'm going to do it a new night and he may know it does not.
• 17:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: So find something that will fill your spiritual soul and your cup because you never know what's waiting on the other side.
• 17:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's called Untangled Advent, and I focus in Luke 1 on that encounter with Mary and the angel.
• 17:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just so captivated by the fact that she was kind of going about her day, doing her thing, and angel comes to her.
• 17:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: She experiences the Lord saying, I will give you a son who's my son, so we're in partnership together.
• 17:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: She births Jesus, and then because of that birth, we all get to experience God.
• 18:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, if you don't set aside the time to experience him, it's not like everything's going to go terribly.
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you know what I mean?
• 18:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just that I think you will miss out on what God could be giving you.
• 18:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: What he wants to show you and he will experience a very natural human.
• 18:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Advent, or if you shift just that little spot and look for that whisper, there's no telling what kind of gifts you're going to get from him on the other side.
• 18:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the exciting part to me.
• 18:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Love that.
• 18:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I would love for you to tell our listeners a little bit about your Advent study.
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Tell me why you made it and kind of how you format it.
• 18:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's really helpful.
• 18:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, thank you.
• 18:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's called Untangled Advent, finding hope in a
• 18:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's so pretty.
• 18:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
• 18:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I created it because I just enjoy deep study with the Lord.
• 19:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when he starts to highlight maybe a pattern or some kind of teaching, then I usually create a content around it, which is what I did in this space.
• 19:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's five.
• 19:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll call them sessions or apps and I know that Adventists were weeks.
• 19:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: So nobody's to email me that Advent, you know, like, does not buy week.
• 19:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Originally I created a four weeks many four parts study.
• 19:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then the next year God was like, you have to put this part in so it's five sessions.
• 19:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you can do it over a couple of days, three, four, five days.
• 19:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's no like,
• 19:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: you know, necessarily like script for this.
• 19:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sure.
• 19:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it is multi media.
• 19:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: So at the beginning of each session, there's a QR code for my podcast.
• 19:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I do a teaching on that specific theme.
• 19:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then you get to do some journaling around that.
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then I'll take you through some scripture, ask very pointed questions on certain spots of scripture according to that theme.
• 19:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Then you get to finish with some personal journaling some activations and applications.
• 20:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: So,
• 20:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's kind of how most of my content goes.
• 20:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure application, that's what we're headed.
• 20:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
• 20:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, because if we're not applying what we're reading in the word, we're like missing the whole point, like that's it's for the rubber hits the road and that's why it's living in the active and it will change us.
• 20:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what do you hope women will gain by sitting with this study?
• 20:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hope that they will just gain a perspective of how incredible our God is and because this particular study is focused on Mary and she is a mother like you are and like I am, there's something very tender toward the Mama's heart I think in this study and I hope that she will see
• 20:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: how personal God is, how intimate he is, and then ultimately how beautiful his plans can be when we just submit to him and allow him to direct our steps, no matter how scary they are.
• 20:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, oh, beautiful.
• 21:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about the weary mom.
• 21:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think I think back to those days when all the kids were at home, oh, yeah preparation for Christmas andivities that we had surrounding Christmas at school at church.
• 21:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was like sweating as you're just very late.
• 21:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's his little cloth.
• 21:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: The stove, I know, I was tired all the time.
• 21:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now I think, you know, this is not bad.
• 21:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: This anti-meat, it's not bad.
• 21:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Bad, but yet, moms are still, moms in the emptiness.
• 21:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, still carried this weiriness because now as our kids are older, the problems are bigger.
• 21:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: the burdens are heavy here sometimes because we're not even though we're not physically parenting like we used to emotionally we still carry a lot.
• 21:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So how can you help her?
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh man I see you we see you right?
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you know as kids get married and they start alternating holidays like we're with his parents or with you you know like that is if there's a sadness there too and awareness there and so I feel like
• 22:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: the to-do list although if you have a million grandchildren it might like ramp back up again you know and it is more emotional and you I think you have to do business like like we were talking about earlier in the inner life and find the things that bring you joy honestly because if you're focusing on the things that are stressful
• 22:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: and I'm speaking specifically to the empty nest mom who really doesn't have all those presence to wrap like I like just like you I'm like oh gosh I remember the days when I would bite and get a you know like weeks out trying to start wrapping I would be so stressed the 248 hours for Christmas and
• 22:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, so it was bad news, but find the things that bring you joy because we can fixate on the sadness of of the seasons and how we don't have all these little ones like sitting around the tree.
• 22:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are family?
• 22:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're getting on a plane on Christmas Day this year.
• 22:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Wow, what great.
• 22:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know, because I like to read out needs to pretend like there's Santa Oksch, if I'm worth.
• 23:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: What again, Santa, I told, I left him now that he doesn't have to come for a house this year and and so yeah just find things to bring you joy get get honest about what's what's what you're wrestling with what what is making you weary you use that word I use that word in the book like
• 23:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't have to be a crazy to do list.
• 23:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that is weary some physically, but it can be the weight of the world and the news.
• 23:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: In a bit of gracious hopping on social media or turning on the news, that could make you weary.
• 23:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: So be recognized the wearyness, ask the Lord to comfort you in that and release it to Him and then say, all this Murray, what's in the good lady's name, Maria Kondo, or whatever.
• 23:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 23:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, then what sparks joy?
• 23:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 23:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if you don't have gold look for it, I mean, the whole thing could come and go and you'd be like, well, that sucked.
• 23:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I, yeah, like, oh gosh.
• 23:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if it's going on a date with your husband.
• 24:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
• 24:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like doing the thing with your girlfriends, like whatever it is.
• 24:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Create it.
• 24:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do it.
• 24:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: We get to create of being.
• 24:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's right.
• 24:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: For me, like I love the light of my Christmas tree.
• 24:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And my husband and I were eating lunch together day and I said, oh, about three weeks at the time.
• 24:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
• 24:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't waste that Christmas tree.
• 24:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's going now for me to go.
• 24:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you're so funny, and yeah, I said, it brings me so much joy to just sit in my living room with a cup of coffee and just be we can learn how to just sit and be and represent like I want moms to approach this holiday season like we have an opportunity every year to see it in a different way to see it in a different light and it's because of our connection with the Lord and it's because if we do if we are intentional
• 24:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: and do something like your study, that's what brings the peace, that's what will help you through the swings, the emotional swings, the changes that work, or all going through as our children become adults, to assume that our holiday should stay the same as when they were little, these just, you're going to hurt yourself, bite.
• 25:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 25:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a full-zeer and unfortunately now and maybe you want to have some nostalgia, maybe you've got some picture books that are fun to bring out and remememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememememem
• 25:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, you can find my Instagram and Facebook.
• 25:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Those are two places I make.
• 25:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Midlife Mama's Hangout, right?
• 25:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is your honest, Yo.
• 25:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Megan Nilsen and ILSEN and obviously my website sort of throw a B in the middle.
• 25:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Megan B Nilsen and I've got also to free resources and you can read more about the books and the coaching I do.
• 25:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Awesome.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, thank you for joining us today.
• 26:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mama, I hope this conversation with Megan reminded you that the holidays don't have to be hurried or heavy.
• 26:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're allowed to pause to rest until that Jesus untagal your weary heart.
• 26:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: This season isn't about perfectly decorated homes or packed calendars.
• 26:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's about presence.
• 26:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: His presence, your presence, and the quiet sacred moments that draw your soul closer to him.
• 26:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip of the week.
• 26:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: In each episode, I will give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 26:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 26:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today, I want you to start this season right and start paying attention to your inner life.
• 26:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Make room to explore what causes your weiriness this holiday season and then invite Jesus to minister to it.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the heart of it.
• 26:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So as you step into this Advent season, give yourself permission to slow down, breathe deep, and save for the beauty of becoming more like Christ in the waiting.
• 27:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: If today's episode encouraged you, share it with another mom who might need the gentry minder that she doesn't have to do it all this year.
• 27:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And be sure to check out Megan's Untangled Advent Study.
• 27:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll have a link for it in the show notes.
• 27:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And until next time, Grace and Peace, you've got this and God's got you.
• 27:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 27:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you leave each episode feeling a little more encouraged, equipped, and seen, because that's what this space is all about.
• 27:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Through the stories, insights, and conversations we share here, I'm coaching you through the ups and downs of the empty nest.
• 27:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Helping you rediscover purpose, deepen faith, and enjoy this new season of life.
• 27:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready for an even more personalized support, I'd love to invite you to book a free connection call.
• 27:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: The link is in the show notes, and we'll talk about how I can walk alongside you as your coach.
• 27:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And let's stay connected.
• 27:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Follow me on Instagram at P-Hanklman.
• 27:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, or come find me on Facebook at Pamela Hanklman, M-D-Nest Coach.
• 28:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure this all out on your own, Mama.
• 28:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm here for you when you're ready.