Latest / We! / Why I Can't Surrender — The Emotional Intelligence Needed to Heal the Pain So I Can Let Go of Control, Move Forward, and Live in Peace

Transcript

Why I Can't Surrender — The Emotional Intelligence Needed to Heal the Pain So I Can Let Go of Control, Move Forward, and Live in Peace · We!

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: If you felt lonely, isolated, disconnected, with an empty feeling inside and just yearning for more, knowing something is missing, then this podcast is for you.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: So here's your host, Joe Mitigan.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, and welcome to We.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever noticed that the harder you try to control your life, the more out of control it often feels?
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: You tell yourself that if you could just fix one more problem, make one better decision, work a little harder, plan a little more carefully, then maybe life would finally settle down.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe then you'd find the peace you've been searching for.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: But somehow, it never quite happens.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, the pressure grows, the anxiety grows, the exhaustion grows.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And before long, you're not living your life anymore.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're managing it, you're protecting it, you're trying to control every possible outcome because somewhere deep inside, you're afraid of what might happen if you let go.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is, most of us don't struggle to surrender because we're weak.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: We struggle because we've been hurt.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Every disappointment, every betrayal, every failure, every unanswered prayer, every loss leaves us believing that if we don't stay in control, we'll be hurt all over again.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So we grip tighter, we overthink, we worry, we try to force life to unfold according to our plans.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Not because we're controlling people, but because we're scared.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: In this episode, we're going to discuss and discover that surrender is not about giving up on your dreams, your goals, or the life you want to create.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's about giving up the illusion that controlling everything is what creates peace.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because control may help us feel safe for a moment, but it rarely makes us feel free.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: We'll explore the emotional intelligence needed to recognize the hidden pain beneath our need for control, how healing that pain allows us to finally let go, and why surrender is not the end of our journey.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's the doorway to becoming who you were always created to be.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because peace doesn't come from controlling life.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Peace comes from trusting yourself, trusting the journey, living to learn how to open your heart instead of living with a clinched fist.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Joe Mittig, and this is We, an emotional healing and transformational podcast.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: We as a movement for reconnection, heart to heart, soul to soul, together we'll explore why we feel the way we do and the emotional healing, personal growth, spiritual wisdom that leads to pre peace, meaning, purpose, and a deeper human connection.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because healing does not happen alone, it happens when we remember the we.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to we.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome everybody.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited to be here, like I always say, and it's been an absolute amazing past few days, past week.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm super excited that we've launched our second episode now per week.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's called The Voices of We.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: This particular episode is the second episode in that particular series, which comes out on Tuesdays.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And in the Tuesday series, I'm really trying to get more and more into the personal experiences of people, of life, the day-to-day, what an individual does in their own world, how they made it through their dark, and how they celebrate their grandness, quite honestly.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And Thursday, I'm trying to create an environment.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I am creating an environment where it's more a personal journey, but it's more relative to life's experiences.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of a broader topic, it's more of a spiritual evolution than necessarily the depths of any type of healing.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to say I'm very grateful because the We podcast just continues to explode around the globe.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I am just extremely grateful for that.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I want to welcome everybody from Canada.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've had Canadians have been listening to the podcast kind of from the beginning, but there's a real momentum happening in your country.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: I welcome you to the We Podcast.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: The We podcast was ranked number three in Canada over this past week in the how-to category.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I thank you for your support.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's a continual reminder that we as a humanity are waking up.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And the way the Apple system works, basically, the expansion of the We message as it goes around the globe, it finds different pockets of people that kind of connect with what we is all about.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And over these past several weeks, the people in Norway, we have been in the top 10.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And quite honestly, now we is actually in 16 countries around the world, which is quite amazing when you think about we're only seven, eight months old.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is our 38th episode, but it just tells me that the overarching message, the humanity waking up and all of us waking up, and it doesn't matter where you are or where you live or how you look or if you're a man or a woman, humanity is waking up to the feminine side of self.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the essence of what the We podcast is all about.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Helping people heal through the emotional depths of their angst and also celebrate the creation of a grander life than you can truly imagine.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And basically, both sides of all of that is what the We podcast is about.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: We are an emotional growth, human transformation podcast.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to tell you what to do.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to tell you where to go.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to tell you what to believe.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to share what I experience.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to share what I believe.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to share what I did to heal.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to give you the techniques that I used.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: But that's also why I'm creating the voices of we, because over time, I'm going to have voices on this particular episode, on the Tuesday episodes, that are spiritually connected people, deeply connected to their hearts, who their message is more of a long-term supportive solution message.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: The We podcast is an awareness message.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I'm connecting and creating relationships with people that also have a solution message.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm blessed to say, you know, I've got a couple of people already committed.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not naming names personally until I have them all committed, but I'm going to create an environment where you can come here, you can feel heard, you can feel felt, you can be aware of things, and I'm going to be pointing people in the direction of long-term support too.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm also want to make sure, because the truth is the We podcast is doing things in the Apple system that Apple has literally never seen before.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And how do I know that?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because the uniqueness of a man in a microphone being able to create the type of audience that all of you are creating here at the Wii Podcast is extremely unique because we don't do it versus celebrities.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: We don't do it with a big media presence behind us.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: We don't do it from huge social media.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, it's a man in a microphone and a message.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: And what I want everybody to understand, it's not the man, it's not the microphone.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's the message that is always going to be the primary focus of we, the message, not the man.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And as I continue to have other people and their styles of communication, the method in which they speak, a lot of them are a heck of a lot softer than I am.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're more deeply connected than I am.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And together we can share in such a way so we can include everybody.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I had a powerful experience this past week.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you've been on my podcast a lot, I challenge the human interpretation of religion all the time because there are certain belief systems in the religious world Joe just does not, doesn't agree with.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: The whole hell concept, I don't agree with it.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I honor all people, I honor all religions, I honor the essence of all religions, which there's one God and love.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I just happened to be introduced, not introduced, I'd been there before, but I went to a group on this past Thursday, a man who I've worked with his father for 20 years.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And this young man, his name is Jeff.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: He is a Jesus follower.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: He's a Jesus lover, his wife is a Jesus lover, the whole community was a Jesus lover.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you, I have not been in a room of that many awesome, connected, following the love that they feel in their hearts in a very long time.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I want people to understand, I don't care what you call your higher power.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't call my higher power Jesus.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: I call my higher power divinity, our higher self, our Christ consciousness.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: This whole group, if asked, they would call their higher power Jesus.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: They would call their loving presence Jesus.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And do I care what they call it?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: I care that they're following it.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I was in a group of people that my heart was so full.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was so happy.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I felt so blessed.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to honor that.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: I had an amazing time.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: I understand the bigness of my personality sometimes causes a sense of like a them and an us.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: The people that are, I say it all the time.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: I want to honor the people that are being drawn more spiritual than religious.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't want it to sound as though I'm not honoring the people who are deeply religious.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: These are amazing folks, and I honor them as well.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I honor all people.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, today's topic is one of those that quite honestly can only be accomplished if you have some level of a higher sense of self.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the top, you know, the name of this topic, it starts off with, why can't I surrender?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Why can't I surrender?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I have to tell you, today I live in a completely surrendered experience.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: I really do.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really practiced.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I've been doing this almost 40 years.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the why I can't surrender concept, quite honestly, a lot of it is because of society's illusion of what surrender is.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: And in today's episode, what I'm going to talk about over these next 30, 40 minutes, and then I'm going to talk in deep length for my Thursday episode is what is surrender?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is it?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, a lot of you have been here for a while and you've listened to my other podcasts about forgiveness.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't tell you how many times I saw people that say, well, you just have to forgive.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you don't, it's like you're made wrong.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, surrender is the same thing.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to surrender.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Let go and let God, you know, God consciousness.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you just let God in your life, everything will be fine.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, yeah, no kidding, Dick Tracy.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: If I could do that, I'd have done that a long time ago.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And years ago, when I used to hear that, I'm trying not to cuss on these podcasts.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: I really am.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like that little red mark by my thing.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: But right here is where I would just start blistering cuss words because I couldn't.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: I could not do it.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I made myself wrong horrifically because I couldn't let God and surrender.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't do it years ago.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then over the era of time when surrender happened for me as a consequence of taking action steps, I realized surrender is not an action step, folks.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Hear me.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Surrender is not an action step.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's not.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Surrender happens as the consequence of taking action steps.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And we're going to talk about the action steps necessary so that surrender happens for you, not to you.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: It happens as a consequence of, not a mandatory human force decision.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because it doesn't work that way.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to start there.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Surrender is not an action step for 99.99% of the people.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's not.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: So part of the reason people say I can't surrender is because they're trying to accomplish something that isn't humanly possible.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because surrender is not an action step.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's not.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the rest of the title is I'm going to show you the emotional intelligence needed to heal the pain so you can let go of control and move forward and live in peace.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: So what is surrender?
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's easier to start with what's the opposite of surrender.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: The opposite of surrender is control.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's control, the need for control.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'll start right there from the mental side of things.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's no wonder society is so freaking confused.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: You have massive influencers, and here I go, back with the influencers, the positive affirmation, me against the thousand, all that.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know what I'm talking about, listen to my past couple of episodes.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't tell you how many influencers I've heard out there that say, you can control your mind.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, who would want to do that?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And for what purpose?
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Did you hear what I said in the sentence?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can control your mind.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not going to name names here, but I can guarantee you there are some very popular, multi-tens of millions of follower download people that the first topic they talk about, you can control your mind.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, folks, the opposite of surrender, opposite, polar opposite is control.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: So now, do these people, are they trying to cause harm?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: But what are they trying to do?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: They're trying to help you figure out how to make all the voices in your head go quieter, because if they're quieter, you're going to feel the end result.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to feel peace.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: No question.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: But the delusion that controlling your mind causes peace is a complete falsehood.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: How do I know?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because if it worked like that, you wouldn't be here.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Same with forgiveness.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: If forgiveness was an action step and all you had to do is I forgive and I'm done, you wouldn't be here.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Same with positive affirmations.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: If all you had to do is change your mind and it worked, you wouldn't be here.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, why are you here?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because every one of you that have been any age of any wisdom, you've tried the positive affirmations and the voices come back the next day.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: You've tried to calm your mind through meditation and the voices come back the next day.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: You've tried to literally forgive somebody and you just can't do it.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because the source of all of it, the source of control, the reason we need to be in control, which is the opposite of surrender, is pain.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: You're hurting.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's a part inside of you who's hurting.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So how do we surrender?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: How do we truly do it?
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: We have to find the part that needs to be in control in the first place.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the facts, folks.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't need to be in control, you're already living surrender.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you a great example.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: Any of you have a child, three, four, five, six, seven, a child of your own, a grandchild, a niece, a nephew, a neighbor?
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: What do they do when you say, Okay, Susie, grab Johnny and we're running to the ice cream store, go jump in the car?
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Do they stop?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Do they say where we're going?
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Do they say how we get in there?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Do we no?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: What do they do?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: They just run and jump and get in the car.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because they don't need to be in control.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because they have no fear.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: They don't.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: If they're in a safe environment, they have no fear.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: The whole phrase where Jesus says, return to the child, that's what all of us need to continue to do.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because as adults, the inner self, our inner child, our inner essence has been hurt.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like my opening talks about, it's been hurt.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: And all of that pain that is in there because of the hurt, the disappointment, the betrayal, the failure, the unanswered prayers, every loss.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: All of that, the emotional consequence of growing up in an unconscious environment has caused pain, suppressed pain, because we weren't taught and we weren't, we weren't in environments that allowed us to heal the pain when the pain was actually on us.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: For some of us, 50, 60 years ago, for others, 20, 30 years ago.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: So the need for control is which is the opposite of surrender, is because the fear of if I'm not in control, I'm gonna feel pain.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: How do you change that?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Heal the pain.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: How do you change that?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: You have to identify where the pain is.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, from the mental side of stuff, like I always say, write down the voices.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: The starting place is write down the voices.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: And what does a controlled type of voice sound like?
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: I've talked a lot about shame and blame, which is abandonment neglect voices.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Shame and blame.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not good enough.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm too fat.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm too this.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm too that.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Those are shame voices.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: Guilt voices enough.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: They're not good enough.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'll never be okay.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: They're not okay.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they need to change.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Shame, something wrong with me.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: Guilt, I've done something wrong.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Both of those are associated with the pain of abandonment and neglect.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: Abandonment and neglect.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Abandonment, no one there emotionally for you.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Neglect, nobody there literally for you.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's the source.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, now let's talk about control voices, which are different.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: They are.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: They're control voices.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: The voices that say, I'm right.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're wrong.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: I have to do it.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: No one can do it better.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: No one can do it for me.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: The voices that say, no matter what I do, I can't.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever the voices that say, I'll never be able.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: The absolute confining belief systems that put parameters, and then you live in those parameters of I can't.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you never have to feel the disappointment of being heard again.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Controlling voices.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: So the key, write them down.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Just sit and listen.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in a place, if you're in a circumstance, if you're in an experience, and you know you need to let it go, you know, and that knowing is more of a spiritual understanding.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody can tell you, nobody can make you do it, nobody can force you to it.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then quite honestly, nobody can help you do it.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: But you just know sometimes when circumstances, you need to move on from it, but you can't.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: You need to stop focusing on it, but you can't.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: You need to stop trying to fix it, but you can't.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to hear there's nothing wrong with you because you can't take one of those actions.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Move on, stop rescuing, stop changing, or stop controlling, stop trying to fix.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with you when you become aware of those voices, nothing wrong.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: But the reason you can't stop those behaviors, because stopping those behaviors would cause you to feel pain.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: For example, I always talk about the codependent and the alcoholic.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was both, so I get to talk about them both.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: The stereotypical codependent will look at an alcoholic who's literally killing themselves with alcohol.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: What does that look like?
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody that's drank too long, somebody that their body starts to swell, somebody that they've got the red blood vessel.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: In their face, somebody that will sit down and say, I'm not drinking, and then the next day they pass out.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody whose liver is closing down, they've got ailments, they're overweight, alcohol's killing them and they can't stop.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's brutal to watch.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: But the codependent in that relationship, right?
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: The person on the other side who literally lives in the belief system, I can fix them.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: That is a key voice.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: I can fix them.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's not I can fix me, because that's empowerment.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's autonomy.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's the voice that says, I can fix them.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: I have to fix them.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm obligated to fix them.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: If I don't fix them, they will die.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's that voice.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's a controlling voice.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, because when you stop controlling them, you have to feel you.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hear this.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we want to fix somebody else's pain?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, because I look at them, Joe, and they're in pain.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I have to fix their pain.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: So they're in pain, yes.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: They've got a God, they've got a higher power, they've got a path.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: But what are you feeling?
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm feeling their pain.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're not.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're feeling your pain.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Hear me.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Look at somebody who's in angst.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Feel what you're feeling.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: And what your head is going to say, what your controlling voice is going to say is, I'm feeling their pain.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're not.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're feeling your pain.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: So what does the controlling voice do?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: It says, I feel their pain.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I need to fix them and fix their pain.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because that controlling voice keeps your consciousness outside of you, onto them, onto fixing them, onto making their life better, and you're avoiding your own pain.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: So what is surrender in that example?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: What is literally surrender in that example?
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: First off, surrender is a multidimensional experience.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: Unless you're walking on water.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now, were there some people in the past that did it?
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Is that me?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Is it anybody on this freaking podcast?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Probably not.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're walking on water, come to my house, I'll get you on the podcast.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: So for all of us, the rest of us, right?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: That means there's some part of us trying to control something.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, when you literally move from the conscious position of I have to fix him, to I have to fix me, that's a style of surrender.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's a stage of surrender.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: In the Thursday episode, I'm going to walk through six or seven different specific stages.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: But literally the first stage of surrender from a mind position, a mental position, is when we start shifting our consciousness from our solutions are outside ourselves to our solutions are inside ourselves.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: The outside ourselves position is my outside world controls me.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: The inside position is a sense of autonomy where my answers are inside of me.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, note to self.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody on this podcast right now, everybody on this podcast right now that knows their answers are inside, which are most of your, you wouldn't be able to make it in my podcast.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you're brand new and you don't know that your answers are inside, I welcome you.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: But all your answers to peace, serenity, wholeness, oneness, all answers are inside, not outside.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: So all of you, most of you who have done, who are aware of that, that your answers are inside, that is a massive experience of surrender.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: The old answers outside, the new answers inside.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Going from answers outside to going to answers inside is a huge surrender.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: What is the surrender?
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: The surrender is I'm letting go of, I'm not in control of, I'm not dominating the outside world, and I'm surrendering to a new reality.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Answers are inside.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: Does that heal anything?
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, it doesn't.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: But at least you're looking in the place where the answers will be, where you'll actually find solutions.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: My book, Filling the Void, visit my website, joemitica.com.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: My book, Filling the Void.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: I share numerous different examples about this.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: My own path, my own experience.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: The whole let go and let God.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: No, A, I didn't like God.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: I cussed the whole concept of God.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't like it.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't work.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: Did anyone look at my life?
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't work.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I started.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, over time, I didn't know what I'm sharing here today over the years.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was first off, I was a slow study.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: It took me seven years to even feel better.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: But for anybody on this podcast who went from all my answers are outside to my answers are inside, it's one of the single largest surrenders you'll ever have, literally, from a mental position.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now from the emotional side of stuff.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: And the emotional side is always kind of the harder side because it freaking hurts.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: The truth of the matter is it hurts.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: It just does.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: And there's nothing to get around the hurt.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: The emotional intelligence needed to truly surrender.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: The knowledge you have to understand is that surrender is not an action step.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's not an adjective.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Surrender is a state of being, a state of awareness, a state of consciousness that happens after you take action steps.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: It more happens for you instead of because of you.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: It happens as a consequence, not because you decided.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: And from an emotional state of being, right?
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: What do the emotional controlling voices sound like?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: They sound like this.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: I always start with the voices because 100% of your internal angst is gonna have a voice in your head.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: And the voice in your head is not the source.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: The voice in your head is the consequence.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: The source is hurt inside.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: My life coach, Dr.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: Karan, I saw a little video she was on, and she said, you have to give a voice to your hurt.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: I can't confirm yet.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: I've asked her, we haven't had final conversations.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: I deeply hope that she becomes one of the contributors here.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is a wise woman, 25 years on a path and lives it.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I could give 30 examples right now, if I had her permission, of how this woman lives it.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: And she's gone through some tough times right now with some deep loss.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I hear a random podcast where she says, and I don't listen to podcasts very little, by the way, where she says, you have to give a voice to your hurt.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: You have to give your voice to the hurting part.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the key.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: Enlightenment, put light on the dark.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: How do you put light on the dark?
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: Give it a voice.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: Those deeper parts.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the only way you can get to the deeper parts, you have to listen to the voice that's covering up the deeper part.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's why positive affirmations don't work.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're trying to change the mind of the voice.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you can control your mind as if that's a good thing.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a good thing.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can control your mind and you might feel better for 15 minutes.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now, am I saying meditation's not a good thing?
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: No, of course I'm not.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Meditation's a fabulous thing.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a meditation podcast.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a healing podcast.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a how-to, how do you heal?
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because the facts of the matter, folks.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have voices like that anymore.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: Read my books.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: Wait till you see my second book.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: Why we feel alone.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: That all came through me as a consequence.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: I've talked about a hundred times of my interaction with this woman back in September of 2022.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: I write out, I'm like, where the heck did all those voices come?
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: They were all my first steps.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: In my second book, which will come out here in the next several months.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: I write about all this stuff.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because the source of all healing starts with hearing the voice.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: The voice is the band-aid, it's not the source.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: Positive affirmations do not change anything because you're not healing the source.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: How do we heal the source?
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: We give it a voice.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: How do we do that?
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: Dual hand journaling.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: Karn have a lot of other things.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: But how do we get to it?
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: We have to identify the voice first.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, from an emotional state, right?
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: Emotional voices that are control voices are the voices that blame.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's my fault.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: I did something wrong.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the burden.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the reason they got mad.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the reason no one likes me.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the reason I'm too fat.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the reason I'm the wrong color.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the fault.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: Blaming voices.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the reason that it's raining outside.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: You would be amazed at how people believe that it's their fault.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the reason that the community got mad at each other.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the reason they got mad at me.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: Those are all guilt-based, control-based, emotional hurt-based voices.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: The opposite of surrender is control.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: How do we hear ourselves in control is when we blame ourselves.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, how do we stop blaming ourselves?
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: My son just asked me this question earlier today.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, Dad, you're saying that, because Dad, you don't believe in hell.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're saying that these people that were rapists and murderers and whatever, that they shouldn't go to hell?
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: I said, No, I don't believe they'll go to hell.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: I believe they're in hell right now.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: I believe they need to go to prison.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: They break the law.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I do.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't identify them by their behaviors.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: I identify them by their hurt.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: Can I love somebody who hurt somebody else deeply?
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I can love them.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: Does that mean I can condone their behavior?
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: I helped a man years ago who went to prison for 110 months because of his craziness online and he was classified a sexual predator.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: Did he ever hurt or touch an actual little kid?
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: Did he go to prison for 110 months?
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_00: Did I help him?
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Did I love him?
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: Did I drive him to jail?
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, prison, middle of Florida.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: I picked him up too, 110 months later.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: So we live in a society, you break the law because you hurt somebody?
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, there's consequence.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: Does that mean I can love you anyways?
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: But what am I loving?
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm loving the hurt part of you.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: 99, but not 99.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: All hurt.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: All hurt that somebody does to another person is based on their own internal hurt.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make it right?
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, it doesn't at all.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: Zero.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: And men, stop being so freaking aggressive with your partners, stop it.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: And women, stop being so controlling with your partners, stop it.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're acting out your own hurt.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: You are.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, when we as beings, as spiritual beings, realize that our behaviors, our blaming, our shaming, are making ourselves wrong, are making everybody else wrong, when we realize that all of that is because we're hurting, when we understand that the reason we're blaming, or the reason we're trying to control, are the reason, and why do we control?
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we want to just like force our will on certain circumstances?
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because the facts of the matter is, if the circumstance doesn't happen the way you hope it would, it hurts.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody likes disappointment.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: But how do you know the difference between disappointment and personal wound?
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, disappointment hurts for four minutes, big wound hurts for four hours or four days.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, how do people stay out of their deep wounds?
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: They stay in control of their now moment day.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: I see it with moms and kids all the time.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now, am I a disciplinarian?
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: Am I judging how people raise their children?
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm not.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: And if we don't empower our kids, you'll never launch them.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: Period.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: You want to know how well a parent some people are?
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: Look at how well their kids did.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make them right or wrong?
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: But control.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we control?
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we're afraid.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: Afraid of what?
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: Our kids getting hurt.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: So what do we do?
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: We control.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: Numerous people I've supported over the years, especially girls where that have dominating parent, that they couldn't go to parties, they couldn't be out, they couldn't, because their parents were afraid they were going to get hurt.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I get it, I do.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now I can't speak much about raising daughters because God blessed me with two boys.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I've said it numerous times.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: God knew better than to put me as the control freak I could be to have a daughter.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: But quite honestly, I got to kind of live it out because my oldest son he dates young girls.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I tell him straight up when you're in my house, I'm your dad for the two hours you're at my house.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: The boundaries are going to be set.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: There are.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I always said it lovingly.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I know I get aggressive as hell on these podcasts, but control is about fear.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: And what are we afraid of in that case?
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: We're afraid they're going to get hurt.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I hear you.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: But if they get hurt now, what?
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, if they get hurt, I'll hurt.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, is when they get hurt, is your hurt empathy or compassion, or is your hurt a lifetime of pain?
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: And 99% of the time, when somebody else gets hurt and you're around them, it's triggering your lifetime of pain.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you can try to control every circumstance in the meantime.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you don't care, not because you don't love, because you don't want them to hurt.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: No, quite honestly, because if they hurt, you don't want to feel the depths of your hurt.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: So how do we emotionally surrender?
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: How does the beginning phase start?
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: Is when we realize that our controlling behaviors are because we're hurting.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, does that heal anything?
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, it doesn't.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not going to go into depth on this particular episode, Thursday's episode.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you listen to Thursday's episode.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'll go into all of this in much deeper, in a much deeper place.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: But a massive surrender happens when we realize our controlling behaviors are out of fear.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: What is the fear?
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_00: We're afraid something's not going to go our way.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not the fear that the thing doesn't go our way.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's the fear of the emotion that happens to us when it doesn't go our way.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's the fear of what we're going to feel when it doesn't go our way.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're afraid of our own pain.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we try to control our outside world.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we try to manipulate our outside world.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we try to grip it as tight as we can and keep it as safe as we can.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because if we can just keep everything in our outside world in control, then I don't have to feel pain.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_00: And you know why that's so freaking hard?
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's cloaked in, I just love them.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know what?
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you're controlling your teenager and you're controlling your kids and you're controlling the environment around you, and you're controlling your alcoholic friend, that's not love.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's fear.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not helping them, you're hindering them.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: Those are the facts.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: And how can I speak so clearly?
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is the truth.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: I can be around now that's somebody that's just an absolute devastation of their life.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: Do I feel pain?
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what the pain's called?
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: Compassion.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if they're an alcoholic, I also have empathy.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_00: Do I feel deep, dark, lost, lonely, I can't breathe, suffering pain?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I healed most of that in myself.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_00: Do I still feel compassion for somebody in pain?
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have to rescue them?
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know if I rescue them, then they don't hit a spot where they turn to God, they're going to die.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: You codependents out there keep rescuing your drunk partner, they're going to die.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, why do I know?
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: Millions of people die every year of alcoholism.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: Millions of people die every year of drug addiction.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: They do.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: If an alcoholic doesn't hit a bottom and turn to the space that says, I need help, which is a humility cry for a higher power to help, or a humility cry for help, they will kill themselves with alcoholic.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: And even though you think you're loving them by keeping them out of your pain, you're not.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: You're basically supporting their drinking.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's just the truth.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure that's going to push a lot of people's buttons.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a whole program called Al-Anon for that.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the other place where surrender, the next phase of surrender really comes in from the emotional spot, is that we live in a society that for decades, the empowering and the embracing and the feeling of feeling feelings and emoting your emotions and all that, it wasn't really a thing.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: Big boys don't cry, little girls don't talk back.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: How dare you be angry?
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: We lived in a male energy dominating world, men and women.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that idea, since we're all male and female inside, the male side is mental and physical, the female side is emotional and spiritual.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: And since humanity's waking up, literally, and I'm literally proving it by the Wii podcast now being in 16 different countries, top in Canada now, top in Norway.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: We've been at the top in Germany, we've been at the top in Nigeria, literally, continents.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're all humanity.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: All of us are what humanity is defined as.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the feminine side's waking up.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter where you live.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_00: And in that feminine side, the spiritual essence of you is there.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: The Christ consciousness is there.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: Your oneness happens through your emotional side.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I see these people that said, you can control your mind.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm, you know, I'm like, who the hell do you want to do that?
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: And for what reason?
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's the opposite of surrender.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: You want to be in peace, you have to learn how to surrender.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: You have to learn how to live surrendered.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'll talk about that in a second.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_00: But the other place about the emotional side of things is we have been so taught to muscle through, to work harder, to I can barely breathe.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: My life feels so dark, blah, blah, blah.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: Got a gentleman I'm supporting out of Mississippi.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: He calls me the other day and he says, you know, Joe, pray for me because I just I'm lost.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_00: I keep praying to God every day.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_00: Give me the strength, Joe.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: You said to give pray for strength.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, he's got a wet blanket over his head.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Paul, this is the place where you pray for courage, not strength.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_00: Courage to do what?
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: Feel those emotions that's causing that wet blanket.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Oh, yeah, that's not easy.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_00: When we understand the emotional surrender, sometimes what it means is we're not needing strength.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_00: We need strength to keep moving forward, but we need courage to keep moving deeper.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_00: Strength and courage, I say all the time, dear God, give me the strength and the courage to what?
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: To feel what I needed to heal.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people miss the feel what they need to heal.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because they've grown up in a world that said, big boys don't cry.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be a sissy.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have time to cry.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_00: I've got a job, I've got a career.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, Joe, I have to go to work on Tuesday morning.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_00: Who's going to take care of my kids?
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: I got it.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, how the hell's all that working for you?
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling like you have a wet blanket over your head.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's not.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: I almost got fired.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_00: My kids don't talk to me.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: My husband, you know, my wife goes to the other room.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_00: So an emotional surrender is when we realize sometimes we have to just sit down.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_00: For Joe, I listen to music.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: And when I listen to music, I let myself feel whatever I need to feel.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_00: Mad, glad, sad, or scared.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry to say, I tend to be the bearer of bad news.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: But if you got a wet blanket over your head, if your whole body aches, if you feel so heavy you can barely stand up, that is because you have emotion coming up to be expressed.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: Period.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, pray for strength to keep moving forward.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: And where's the surrender?
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_00: The surrender is when we realized it's time now to feel the feelings instead of always pushing them down, instead of always gaining strength, instead of always being stronger.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_00: We need to have more courage.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_00: And when we surrender into the action step, when our awareness comes, wet blanket means in the past, wet blanket, and I can barely move and I'm so heavy.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_00: That awareness, our conscious reaction to that would be work harder, be more organized, be more efficient.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you, we're in an era of time now that when you feel your physical body can barely stand up, the heaviness is because there's emotion that needs to be expressed, literally.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: So surrender from the old behavior pattern of doing more, working harder, controlling more, fixing more.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: Surrender to, I need to feel my feelings.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_00: That type of surrender is a massively powerful action step surrender of sitting and grieving.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: With my friend, I said, Paul, I know it's hard, pal.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: Lock the door, put headphones on, grab a teddy bear.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: I sleep with a dozen teddy bears.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: Grab a teddy bear and just let yourself cry.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can't, at least acknowledge consciously that the old behavior of doing more is yesterday's newspaper.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: Surrender into the new behavior of doing less in that moment and feeling your feelings is an emotional surrender.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to talk at length about that in the Thursday episode.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: My book, Filling the Void, talks about this a lot.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_00: This right now would be the time in the future that I would be pointing you to one of the voices of we contributors, people that have solutions, action steps, long-term support.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm real excited to be able to do the rest of it.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: The We podcast is constantly expanding.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_00: And my voice is more a voice of awareness.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: The contributors' voices are going to be voices of solutions.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: You'll be introduced to them on the We Podcast, but they're going to have their own podcast.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: They've got their own websites, they've got their own solutions.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just going to point people to them because their passion in life is to support people long term.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_00: Really, my passion is to create awareness.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: And a huge emotional surrender is when we realize there are spots in time where instead of praying for strength, pray for courage.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: And the praying for courage and asking for help, that's a humility position.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_00: And when we sink into feeling our feelings, we're surrendering the old belief, which is do more and living a new belief, which is feel more.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_00: And in that place, the consequence is the shift of consciousness.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it's in the shifting of that consciousness the surrender happens.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so I literally just gave two examples of two very different types of surrender.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really what surrender is.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_00: Surrender is not an all-or-nothing, now I'm one with God.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_00: That is not what surrender is.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you have a new awareness, every time you live a different tomorrow than your today, every time you realize that your yesterday doesn't work and you're shifting today to live a different tomorrow, every one of those shifts, those conscious awareness shifts, it's a surrender from your old moving into your new.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's a library of different messages that all kind of tie together that can support you.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let my voice be your friend if you're in a tough spot.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_00: Let my voice keep you company at night if you're in a dark and deep spot.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_00: I would have given my left freaking arm to have a voice that I could listen to and help years ago, because I had nothing prior, pre-internet, the whole thing.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we're the era of change, we're the generation of change.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: And let my voice help.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: It will help you.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_00: Can I do it for you?
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_00: But my voice, because it's my divinity speaking to yours, can support you regardless of where you are.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel stuck, we've got a podcast.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't forgive, we got a podcast.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel like you're broken, we've got a podcast.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the podcast titles are there.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you're on spiritual journey, we've got podcasts for that.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_00: And these podcasts are going to continue.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_00: So listen to them over and over and tell other people.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, the books are free because they can also help more in detail.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_00: And a spiritual surrender.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll never forget the very first time it happened to me, I was about five years sober, and I'm nothing was changing.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was grieving all the time and shifting all the time.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I was outside of a movie theater.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_00: The one thing I could afford was a dollar movie.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I was sitting outside that dollar movie, and I had this awareness.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: I said, What do I really want to guide my life?
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: Me who lives in complete destruction, or God that created the universe and the ants and the trees.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll never forget, I didn't know, I didn't know how to do it.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_00: So the only thing I could do in that moment was say, you know what?
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's a God and it's not me.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_00: When I moved in that position right there, I grieved for three freaking days.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_00: There's a God and it's not Joe.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_00: And from that place right there, my entire relationship with a power greater than myself started.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_00: Prior to that, I genuinely believed that the only way anything was freaking gonna get done was by me.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_00: If it's to be, it's up to me.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: And in that moment, when I realized that there's a God and it's not me, then I kind of realized that maybe, just maybe, this God thing could help me a little bit because I was so lost and I was so alone and I was so in so much pain.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_00: But the more I would say that there's a God and it's not me.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's a God and it's not me, the more the remembering of the higher me came in.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the more I remembered that higher me, the more I learned how to connect with that higher me.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I didn't feel alone all the time.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't feel lost all the time.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now, in the beginning, did I?
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I did.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm talking about over the years, but that's where it started.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's a God and it's not me.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_00: And surrender, a spiritual surrender, which again, we're going to talk a lot more in detail on the Thursday show.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_00: Spiritual surrender is as simple as that.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_00: When you realize there's a God and it's not you, that's the initial.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: Then when you realize that God's got a plan for you, it just keeps expanding.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you realize that God will never give you more than you can handle, even though you're in misery, you can't breathe, you can't, whatever.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that just tells, I used to say, Jesus, God must have a really great opinion of me.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in misery constantly.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_00: But God never gave me more than I can handle.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_00: How do I know that to be true?
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because I made it out the other side.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so will you.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care how deep or dark you're in now, you will and can make it out the other side.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_00: You can.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_00: If I can, you can.
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, if I can, you can.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, the more we move from that position, the more we start remembering the capacities available to us from a spiritual state of self.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_00: The whole idea, God will never fix you.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_00: He's given you free will.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_00: God doesn't rescue you out of your pain.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_00: God gives you the strength to walk through your pain.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_00: God isn't going to fix you.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_00: God isn't going to make things necessarily easier if you've created a destructive life based on your glass-empty choices.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_00: But God will give you the clarity to follow glassful voices.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's up to you to figure out how to do the following.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where spiritual awareness is oh my gosh, there's a God and it's not me.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_00: Spiritual growth is when we realize, wow, maybe this God thing can help me.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_00: Spiritual awakening is over time when you say, I'm in a really tough spot.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: Dear God, give me the strength and courage.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'll never forget the first time I said that.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, prior to saying that, in the depths of my difficulty, I would grieve, I'd be lost, I'd be terrified, I'd have no money, I'd be in the warehouse somewhere.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like literally me in the middle of a freaking ocean all by myself.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's what the experience was.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_00: But then it shifted into God give me the strength and courage.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_00: So in my darkest, deepest, most painful moments, I had an additional sentence to add to my world.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_00: Prior to that, I'm effed, I hurt, I'm alone.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_00: With that awakening, with the surrender into there's a God and it's not me.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_00: I started adding the voice, adding the sentence, dear God, give me the strength and courage to feel what I needed to heal.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: Did it make my pain less?
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_00: Did it make my pain less emotional?
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: Did it make my pain go faster?
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_00: No, no.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_00: And did I feel like I had a presence with me while I was in the depth of that pain?
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how I made it through.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I made it on the other side.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you can too.
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_00: Mental surrender is when you identify your controlling voices.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_00: Emotional surrender is when you identify your blaming voices.
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_00: Spiritual surrender is when you realize the I have to do it myself voices.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_00: Your mental voices, I'm in control, is fear of your own pain.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_00: Your blaming voices of your emotional place is fear of your own pain.
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_00: Mental voices, fear of losing something, fear of the pain of losing something.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_00: Emotional voices, the blame, fear of your literal own pain.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_00: The spiritual voices of it's up to me, quite honestly.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's just an awareness concept that society kind of taught us.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we're remembering that there's a grander us.
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that concept of there's a God, not me, that's the simplest, basic millimeter step in the direction of spiritual awakening.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth of the matter is, the more you do it, the better it'll feel, the more you do it, the more you feel it, the more you do it, the more you can allow it, the more you allow it, the more you act in faith with it.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually the it becomes you.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_00: How else could a man in a microphone create a global podcast with zero audience?
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're in 16 countries.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_00: How else could a man that really, if I'm not with my kids, I am in sacred silence 99% of the time.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_00: How else could my voice be out there if it was the man?
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the man, it's the divinity in the man.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_00: And together, we're doing it.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_00: Together, your divinity is bringing you here.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_00: Listen to the episodes over and over.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_00: Tell other people about the episodes.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because the more we wake up, the more we wake up.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_00: The more we all understand there's a God and it's not us, the more that awareness happens around the world.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_00: And as more of us do it, and more of us will do it.
• 57:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's literally spreading around the globe.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_00: The we movement about heart to heart, soul to soul, human connection, and it's literally happening because of all of you.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for being here.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for your support.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome everybody around the world.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_00: Together, we're waking up.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_00: Together, we're healing humanity.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_00: One smile at a time.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_00: And for everybody around the world, welcome to we.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_01: So that's it for today's episode of the We Podcast.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_01: Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_01: One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance the grand prize drawing to win a$25,000 private VIP day with Joe himself.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure to head on over to WePodcast.