Latest / The Letterbox Podcast / Dear Nurses| Letter 5: A Family’s NICU story

Transcript

Dear Nurses| Letter 5: A Family’s NICU story · The Letterbox Podcast

• 0:00
  Hello and welcome back to the Letter Books podcast.
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  I'm Lucy. And this is the place where
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  people share the real letters they've written about the things
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  that mean the most to them. This is letter five of seven of
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  Catherine's Miku story. If you've been following the
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  series so far, you'll know that Catherine has written about the
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  people who are closest to her family through the early days of
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  her daughter's life. Today, she's writing to the
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  people who cared for her daughter when she can always do
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  it herself. The nurses, particularly the
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  Picou nurses. Because I have learned that when
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  your baby is critically I'll, leaving their bedside can feel
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  almost impossible. You don't want to miss a thing.
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  You don't want them to wake up alone.
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  But Catherine found that the nurses looking after her
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  daughter made her feel safe enough to step away.
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  Safe enough to eat, safe enough to sleep, safe enough to trust
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  that someone else was watching her baby.
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  And this is the letter about the big amazing things that they
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  did, but also the tiny things. Cleaning her, making her
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  comfortable, noticing things that mattered when Catherine was
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  overwhelmed by everything else. It's a thank you to the people
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  who cared for her daughter, but also to the people who gave her
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  back a small part of being a mum when she couldn't do all the
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  things she normally would. So for all the healthcare
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  workers who work with these incredibly special babies, this
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  letter is for you. But before I share Catherine
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  reading it, as always, just a quick ask from me and that is to
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  please press the follow button wherever you are listening.
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  I know you hear it all the time, but it is the best way that you
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  can show your support for the podcast and help Catherine's
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  letters be heard by more people. But here it is, a dedicated
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  thank you to all the amazing people out there all around the
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  world who are working tirelessly to support the babies, the
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  families and the loved ones in some of their hardest times.
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  Dear Susie and all the other hospital staff, It's been a wild
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  ride. There are parts of it I don't
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  really want to go into here, not because they weren't important,
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  but because I don't want to frighten anyone else with some
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  of the things that happened or some of the complications that
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  my girl, our girl, endured. There were some very difficult
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  things. But alongside all of that, there
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  was you, especially the Piku nurses.
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  You guys are just built differently.
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  I had never really left my babies with anyone, sometimes my
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  oldest would be babysat by grandparents or a trusted
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  nursery key worker. I'm not particularly
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  overprotective, I just generally like having time with them and
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  having them with me. I want to spend time with them.
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  So in hospital I found I could barely leave her side.
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  I wanted to be there in case something happened and so I sat
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  there for hours whilst inevitably nothing happened.
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  It was hard to go and find food, hard to get coffee, hard to
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  rest, because I wanted to just be there.
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  I never wanted her to wake up and feel alone or frightened or
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  wonder where we were. That pressure is unsustainable,
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  especially in PICU where the hours don't really exist.
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  There isn't really a night, and there isn't really a day.
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  Just 24 hours of watching, waiting.
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  And you made us feel safe enough to leave me and her daddy, safe
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  enough to go and get something to eat, safe enough to close our
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  eyes. At first I thought there was no
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  way I could sleep, but we did, little by little.
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  And we trusted that you would call if she needed us.
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  We trusted you, Susie. The way you tried to make her
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  comfortable, the way you checked in with us, the way you seemed
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  to see through our calm exteriors.
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  Because we looked calm. But we weren't always calm.
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  You advocated for her when we couldn't.
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  You helped us find our voices when we were frightened.
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  And I remember coming in that morning and seeing that you had
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  changed her, cleaned her, put Vaseline on her really dry lips
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  and around her eyes so that she looked cared for.
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  Somehow. She looked a teeny bit better.
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  And that mattered. Because there is nothing quite
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  like not being able to hold your own baby, not being able to
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  comfort her properly, not being able to kiss her or feed her or
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  scoop her up when she cries. You feel helpless and if I'm
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  honest, sometimes you feel that you're doing a crap job as a
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  parent, as a mum. So thank you for helping us look
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  after her, for making her clean and comfortable, for noticing
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  the little things when we were drowning in the big things.
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  And I know our story wasn't simple.
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  There were complications, there were things that really
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  frightened us, there were moments when things went wrong
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  and moments we will carry with us for a very long time.
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  I don't want to gloss over that, but I also don't want those
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  things to become the whole story of our time in hospital because
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  there was kindness too. There was care, there was humour
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  when we needed it. There were people who came in
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  and treated our daughter as a little person, not just a
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  patient. People who understood that she
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  was somebody's baby and that we were her parents, trying
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  desperately to do our job in a place where we couldn't do the
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  things that parents normally do. You gave us some of that back.
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  You let us step away without feeling that we were abandoning
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  her. You let us sleep.
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  You held her when we couldn't. You noticed when she needed
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  something. And you gave us permission
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  without ever saying it. To be human too.
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  I think that is one of the greatest gifts you can give a
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  parent in PICU. Not just caring for their child,
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  but making them feel for a few hours that it's safe to be
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  somewhere else. Safe to eat, safe to sleep, safe
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  to breathe. So, Susie, and all of you who
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  looked after our girl, thank you for the big things, for the tiny
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  things, for the things you probably don't even remember
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  doing, and for making an impossible place sometimes feel
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  that little bit safer. We will never forget that.
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  We will never forget you. There's something so powerful in
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  what Catherine says about being able to leave her daughter's
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  bedside. I think there'll be quite a lot
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  of parents listening, myself included, who know how hard it
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  can be to leave even a well child in somebody else's care.
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  So to place your trust in someone else to look after your
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  critically I'll baby is enormous and is a true testament to the
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  kind of people who are on the front line caring for these
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  children. The nurses didn't just care
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  though for her daughter. They gave Catherine and her
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  husband the ability to eat, sleep, breathe for a little
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  while, look after their son without feeling that they were
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  letting their baby down. And it's that kind of love, care
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  and support that stays in the memories of these families.
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  So from Catherine and her family and from me, and I'm sure on
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  behalf of all the listeners as well, I think everyone would
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  just want to say in massive, massive thank you.
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  Your job is not easy, but my goodness do you make a
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  difference. 2 letters remain in Catherine's story and if you
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  haven't heard the others yet, you can go back and listen from
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  the beginning. Make sure you are following the
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  Letterbox podcast so you don't miss tomorrow's letter.
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  And if you can think of anybody who would like to or you feel
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  needs to hear this series, please do send them a link to
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  the Letterbox podcast. We'll be back tomorrow for
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  letter 6. Written and read by Doctor
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  Catherine. I'll see you tomorrow.
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  Sending all my love, Lucy.