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How can I nurture optimism without ignoring challenges? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that it can be difficult to promote optimism in times of challenges.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're in a society that wants us to stay very proactive and that's often at the expense of processing what is going on for us, but authentic optimism doesn't ignore life's challenges and it doesn't ask us to minimise our pain or convince ourselves that everything is okay when it isn't.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: It invites us to acknowledge what is difficult while believing that we have the capacity to move through it.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're not in the place to believe that, we look to build it.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: So our minds are wired to look for danger.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: When something goes wrong, it's very easy to get caught in cycles of rumination where we replay everything to try and risk assess.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: We catastrophize, imagining worst-case scenarios, because in our heads that is preparing for it, but what that actually does is trick our nervous system into reacting to the worst-case scenario rather than responding to what is actually happening in the present.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're stuck in these thought patterns, we often move further away from ourselves instead of closer to what we truly need.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: So rather than asking when we're feeling overwhelmed, how do I stop feeling this way?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: We look to ask ourselves, what is this feeling trying to tell me?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Our feelings aren't necessarily problems to solve, they're signals to understand.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you're feeling anxious, for example, perhaps you need resurance, stability or a sense of safety.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you're feeling overwhelmed, maybe you're needing rest, support, or permission to let go of something.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: When we focus on the need underneath the feeling, we interrupt the cycle of rumination.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: We stop arguing with our emotions and start to listen to them.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And when we listen, we're much more likely to respond in ways that actually help us move forward and promote hope and optimism.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Another practice that helps us build optimism realistically is self-compassion.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Many of us speak to ourselves in ways that we never speak to somebody we love, as we've discussed before.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: We criticise ourselves for struggling and we perceive it as an emotional weakness as opposed to a perfectly understandable and valid nervous system response.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's important to humanize yourself and ask yourself what would kindness to yourself look in this moment, and know that doesn't resolve everything that is external, but it breaks the cycle of how we internalize it and wire ourselves to look for a worst case scenario.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Optimism isn't about expecting life to be easy, it's about trusting that you can respond to life's difficulties with courage, compassion, and wisdom.