Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / "Overcoming" w/special guest Murtrice McKnight-Craine

Transcript

"Overcoming" w/special guest Murtrice McKnight-Craine · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Kicking in with Kiki. Kicking it be Ki
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Ki kicking the Ki Ki for a little personality, switching
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: up the storyline on God. Were making a story books
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: one day at a time. How much problems to the side.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Enjoy yourself, free your mind, Chicken ki Ki Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello,
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: and welcome back to another episode of Kicking It with Kiki, Life,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: love and all that other shit. I am your host,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Kiki Chanel, Award winning author, lifestyle blogger, certified life coach,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: and owner of nineteen lifestyle magazine. We are in the
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: month of October and we're talking about overcome today. We
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: are talking about overcoming because we have all been overcomers
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: are still overcoming at some point. But you guys know
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: how I like to do. I like to give my
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: guests the opportunity to introduce themselves. So I'm gonna turn
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: it over to her. Hello, Hello, and welcome. Thank you
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: for coming to kick it with me today. Tell the
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: people who you are and what you do.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Hey, Hey, how you doing? Thank you for having me.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: My name's mctrise Macknight. I'm a mother, I'm a wife,
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: I have six kids. I've been on my job for
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: seventeen years. I'm the elect lady.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: Of the church.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: My husband's a pastor. I work in ministry. I just
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: kind of do a little bit of everything.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: You go.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: And say that I've done a lot, I've been through
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: a lot. I tell people my whole life is a story.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: It's just what part do you want to hear?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: But God has truly blessed me.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: He has truly brought me out of a lot of situations.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: And I'm thankful and I'm great for I'm the voice
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: standing remarried to my now husband, like I said, which
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: is a pastor.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, we thank you for being here today, thank you
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: for being vulnerable enough to share some of your story
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: when we get into it. But we are talking about
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: overcoming today. And when you hear the term overcoming, what
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: does that mean to you?
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: The term overcome to me means to be just just
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: to come out that.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: It means to endure.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: It means to witstand, to not be in the state
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: that you was in, to to be in a better
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: position than what you was. You know, to not let
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: your pass hold you back I'll keep you from moving
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: forward and moving on.
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: It means to get over.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think to get over, but not be
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: so quick to forget where you come from. If you
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: ever encounter somebody else who's going through their overcome coming
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: stay of life, that you kind of become a hypocrite.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Because we see that a lot, especially in our community.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: People always forget what they've had to overcome. So when
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: you're going through your season of overcoming, no one understands
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: or somebody is quick to say, well, I would have
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: never done that. I have never done that. But you
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: don't know what you're going to do until you're in
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: a situation.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: You are absolutely right. And and you say that, but
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: that was me. That was me, and and I would say, oh,
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't take this, and oh I wouldn't do this,
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: and oh if my husband did this, then oh I
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: would leave him until I was actually in that situation.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: And like you said, it's hard to say what you're
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: gonna do in that situation. And a lot of times
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: we passed judgment before we even know and and and
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: it's hard, it's hard to leave, it's hard to get
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: out of a certain situations. But you know, I went
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: through a situation, like I said, with my previous marriage,
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: and the one thing that helped me, and it was
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: surrounding myself around positiveness, positive people, positive affirmations, going to church.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna be honest with you.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Being in church helped me and I and God placed
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: a pastor in my life who spoke a word one
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: phrase he said to me. I believe that helped me
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: throughout the whole journey of overcoming because I was in
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: a down position. I was almost out for the count,
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: I would say, and this pastor told me to keep.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: God on my mind. He said, God on your mind.
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  Speaker 2: And when he told me that, the first scripture came
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  Speaker 2: to me was Isaiah twenty ninety three, that will keep
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: being perfect peace, who's trying to stay on me? And
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you. I tell people it saved my
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: life because it did. It did, and so you know,
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I would say, you just have to surround yourself with
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  Speaker 2: positiveness positive. You know, it's so easily to be surrounded
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: by negative people who be through negative things and all, girl,
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  Speaker 2: I would have done this and oh if that was
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: me this and you know, yeah, you just have to
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: be positive and surround yourself with positiveness.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: And I'm glad that you talk about that, because when
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: you're in an overcoming season. How do you believe it
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: is to have a support system who feed life into
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: you and not make you think of you're not enough
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: or I need to stay stuck in the situation. So
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: anyone who's listening, what would you tell them about having
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: that support system to get through it?
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: The support system is very important. It's very important.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: Like I say, people sometimes they search for the for
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: someone to give them what they already know. They search
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: for someone to give them the answers. And half the
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: time we already know the answers. And when we search
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: for other people to give us answers, they'll feed us
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: some negativeness, like they'll feed us you know what we
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: they say we should do, but it's really what we
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: shouldn't do. I just say that being surrounded by positive people,
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: you know, friends is good. Friends is good, But you
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: have to watch your friends as well. Like I say,
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: your friends that have you out for the count, you know,
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: oh outa, this is it. I'd have left them a
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: long time ago. Well the whole time, your friend don't
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: even have a husband, but she tells you what to
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: do with in your situation with your husband, and you know,
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: it's just you have to you have to be mindful.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: You have to be mindful.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Mm hm. They have to exercise that gives a discernment
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: that God gave us too.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Definitely, definitely, that's very important. That's very important.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, in overcoming how has your life changed from
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: the starting point up until now? Because I know you
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: say you were married, now you're married, you know, remarried.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: So let's just say, mentally and emotionally, how has your
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: life changed since overcoming what you did? And I don't
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: want to share your story, so if you want to
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: share a little bit with the audience, feel free. But
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I know that you said that you endure it like
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: mental and emotional abuse. How has your life changed since
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: overcoming that?
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm gonna be
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: honest with you. Recently, recently, I was asked to speak
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: at a women's conference. The conference has not happened yet,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: is it's in the near future, the very near future.
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: And when I gave my topic my topic.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: When I was given my topic, my talk is the
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: power of vulnerability and healing. Oh and it hit me
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: like a ton of bricks because first thing I'm thinking
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: is I'm not vulnerable.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: The world vulnerable means weak. I'm not vulnerable, you know,
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  Speaker 3: That's what That's what came to my mind.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: But also in giving that, and even with the award
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: that that Martha done, it helped me to realize that
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: there was some things that I hadn't dealt with. There
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: were some things that you know, was still there, you know,
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: some feelings and some something you know, uh, forgiveness. Year
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: I forgave, but then I would always condemn myself as
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: to say that I really forgive them, that I really
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: you know, when I honestly had forgiven. So yeah, and
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: I went through a point to where I was depressed.
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  Speaker 3: In our relationship.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I went through a point where confidence wise, I was
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: beat down, bought down, just insecure and all that. And
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: you know, God brought me out of that. He showed
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  Speaker 2: me better my now husband and I'm gonna say this,
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: my my now husband.
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  Speaker 3: He caused me his queen.
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  Speaker 2: And he don't miss a day without texting me, how
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: you doing my beautiful sex to queen?
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: Whatever?
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: How you doing queen? He caused me queen every day,
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: Like I didn't know that feeling.
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  Speaker 3: I didn't. I didn't.
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  Speaker 2: I had certain insecurities with him from my previous relationship.
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  Speaker 3: You know that I had to get past and get
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: over that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah it was it was rough, but you know, God
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: brought me through, He showed me better. I'm definitely definitely
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: in a place to where, like I said before, I
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: didn't I wasn't. I thought I was sure that I
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: was done with that part, that I've truly forgiven him
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: and all that. But like you said, it's the we
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: don't want to forget. We don't want to forget, and
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: that's the thing that keeps coming.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: You know. Back up, now, how important do you believe
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: that you have to have that mindset of healing after
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: going through any type of type of trauma or abuse,
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  Speaker 1: because I know a lot of people just turn inwardly
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: and they don't want to have They don't want to
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: be surrounded by family, they don't want to be with
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: their friends. They don't want people to see them vulnerable
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: because they look at it as a sign of weakness.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: But I think that vulnerable comes with strength. You have
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: to trust yourself enough and have the strength inside yourself
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  Speaker 1: enough to say I trust this person enough to share
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: what's going on with me with Not all of us
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: have that, but I thank God that I have a
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: support system that I can go to in my time
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  Speaker 1: of need because we all overcoming something. It may some
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: things that may be you know, your situation may be
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: more than my situation at one point in time, but
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: at some point we all go through something that we
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: will have to overcome. I overcame depression, anxiety, and I
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: didn't love myself at one point, and so when I
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: was going through that darkness, I really didn't want to
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: be around too many people I had. I had close
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: friends that I that I shared stuff with, but I
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: only gave them surface level stuff. I don't want him
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: to know everything because then they're gonna look at me
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: like a weak They're gonna look at me a certain right.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: So I think that when it comes to healing, we
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: have to know that we have to do it for
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: ourselves first and most, and we have to stop worrying
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: about what people gonna say. So when did you know
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: that you were actually on your healing journey.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: I actually knew that I was on my healing journey.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: And and you know, during the time when I was
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: going through my divorce and I would go to church
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: and you and you know, you're talking about being vulnerable
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: and I would cry at the altar, and you know,
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: and and and people would see me crying, and to
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: be honest with you, people was with all they knew
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: was the infidelity part.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: They didn't know the other part.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: So people would see me crying, and you know, they
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: would think one thing, but you know, I'm really the
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: infidelity part was.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: Was was enough.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: But I had all this other herd and stuff in
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: me that that no one knew about.
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: I didn't share with nobody.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: And you know, I think when I really really just
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: went to the altar one Sunday and you know, I
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: gave it to God, and I really didn't care who
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: saw me crying, you know, because y'all just told myself
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: that it probably ain't even about what y'all thinking that
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: it's about. You know, I think that was probably the
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: point that I knew that you know, God was was
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: that I was in my healing process, and you know,
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: I started getting, like I said, people just coming to me,
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: just telling me encouraging stuff. And you know, I heard
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: a song on the radio, and to this day, my
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: daughter would tell me, Mama, you remember you used to
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: play this song all the time. You used to play
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: this song every day.
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: Well, it was. It was the words in the song,
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: you know, that just brought me comfort. It was a clan.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: Carr's clan car Yeah, when she was talking about how
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: the olive has to go through three stages for us
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: all to flow, and yeah, your greater is coming, it's
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: my song.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: Like that song helped me get through And.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: To this day, my daughter still she plays it like
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: it's her song.
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: Mom, I remember you played this.
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: You know, she didn't understand at the time that I
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: was playing that song because for a reason, you know,
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: And I believe that God put that song there at
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: the time for me to to to help me get
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: through some things.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's and it's it's a powerful thing to
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: heal in journey, and everybody's journey is different. It's a
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: beautiful thing when you get to the end of the
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: tunnel and you look back for and see how far
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: you come. Because not everybody wants to see you overcome anything.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: So what would you say to someone who is in
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: their season of overcoming, worried about what people say. What
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: would you speak to them?
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: Right now?
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: Really, people will It's gonna always be somebody that like you.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: It's gonna always be somebody that don't like you. It's
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: about self love. You can't worry about what, you know,
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: what other people say. You can't worry about what other
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: people think. That your healing journey is for you, you know,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: it's not for anybody else. I just would tell people,
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: you know, just take it one day at a time,
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: you know, give it, Give it to God.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: Because he will keep you in perfect peace. Just keep you,
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: keep God on your mind, Keep God on your mind.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: You know, don't worry about what people think about you
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: in your vulnerable state. Your vulnerability isn't about you and
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: nobody else anyways. Your vulnerability is just about you, and
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: to be honest with you, it's you and your connection
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: with God. If you don't have one, you should be
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: trying to get one, because that's where healing really is.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: That's where healing is.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: You know, when did you first become aware that you
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: were in an emotional and mental abusive relationship? How far
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: in did you realize that?
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm gonna say this. Me and my ex husband,
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: we were school sweethearts. So we have been dating from
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: eighth grade. We got married when I was nineteen years old.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Its signs and we say that it's not signs. You know,
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: it was signs there that told me that that person
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: probably wasn't the person for me at the time. And
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: when I say that, yeah, I loved them, but it
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: was signs that showed me that they.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: Wasn't ready for marriage at the time.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: You know, I was three kids, sin, I was on
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: my third child, and you know, I tell people, don't
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: give a man or ultimatum. Women, don't give them me
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: and an autimatum, Oh oh you gonna you got to
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: this time to marry me, or you gonna marry me
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: or I'm leaving. You know, that's that's the worst thing
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: that you can do. In my opinion, I just believe
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: that that's the worst thing that you can do because
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: if they want to marry you, then you you ain't
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: gonna have to give them an autimatum. You know, they
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: gonna marry you. But that was one of the things
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: that that I did. You know, I was three kids
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: in like I said, and you know, I told them
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: at the end of the year, were not married, I'm leaving.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: But before that, it was signs of we had lived,
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: we lived together, you know, and basically paid to be
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: So I'm just gonna be honest with you. I was
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: on housing for a good time. That part of the
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: sign that we stayed together. And financially his financial situation
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: was good. But his financial situation was good really because
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: of the situation that I put me in. Like I said,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: I was in own housing. I was getting food stamps
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: and all that, you know. And then it was like, well,
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: if you get off this stuff, I'm leaving.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: Fine, Why would I want to marry somebody. But I
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: loved him. I loved him, you know.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: It was the you know I heard the I asked
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: him for a couple of dollars and our rent ain't
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: number by twenty some dollars, So I asked you for
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: a couple of dollars for something, and oh, what you're
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: gonna do when I'm not here anymore?
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: Fine? I loved him. You got to the end of
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: the year to marry me. You know what I'm saying.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: It's fine, and we don't we failed to see signs.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: You know that that's there as women, especially as young women.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: But it's like I said, say, oh, you know when
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: somebody say you married him, and you knew that they
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: was that way before you married him. Most of the time, yes,
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: most of the time. Like I said, I was in
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: some situations before I got married. Long before I got married.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: I knew I should have known, because the signs was there.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: I just didn't didn't go with the signs because I
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: loved him. But yeah, I knew off hand that he
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: probably he's a good person, a good person.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: He just wasn't good for me. That's how I look
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: at it, you know.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: And I'm glad that you say that. I'm glad that
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: you say that, because right there lets me know that
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: you have healed and moved on. You ain't holding on
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: to that, you ain't living in the past or whatever.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I mean. We had a good time when it was good,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: but when it was bad, I was like, no, this
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: this cannot be my life. God right more for me
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: and I need to more for myself. And that's how
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: when any type of abuse, we have to realize that
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: I deserve more, right, I deserved better. So how how
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: did the abuse affect like your relationship with your kids?
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Because I know you said that you were three kids
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: in did you did they did they hear anything? Or
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: did did you try to keep them away from that
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: and all that? How did that affect your relationship with
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: your kids.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Well, I definitely definitely tried to keep them away. A
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: lot of it was really verbalar group abuse and emotional
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: so a lot of times I would get the shut up,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: shut up, be quiet. So they was not a coach
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: but helping out coaching at the school at at one point,
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: and and big on that, and I would get them
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: I'm not coach's wife material just stuff like that, just
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: you know, just to put down, put me down. And
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: you know, really no, I really didn't have a say
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: and should I say that, but I never in front
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: of the kids. Never in front of the kids. It
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: was just so they really didn't know that part and
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: probably won't know until they hear them. But yeah, so
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: they really didn't know that part to kind of keep
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: them away from them, but they I'm pretty sure they
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: probably sent me in a depress of state at some time,
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: you know, because yeah, it was.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: It was big.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: And like I said, when people see, especially when infidelity
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: is involved, all people see is the infidelity. They don't
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: know everything else that's going on. I had a and
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: it's crazy because I had somebody message me on Facebook
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: one time and they was like, oh, y'all because I
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: would post pictures on Facebook, and they was like, oh,
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: y'all the perfect couple and all this and I NBR
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: relationship and all this type of stuff. And the whole
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: time I was thinking in my head, you know, if
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: you really know, you know, I come in with the
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: thing you or whatever. But you know, people would always
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: look good. Ain't always good, you know, everything that glit
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: ain't gold, you know. And we as women, well we
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: hold a lot of stuff in. We try to, like
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: I said, hide a lot of stuff to keep the
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: fassage of everything is all good when you know a
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: lot of times it's not, you know. And and like
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: I said, everybody was the infidelity part, which was the
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: infidelity part was the part that ended it. But nobody
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: seen the inside and what went on in the inside.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: You know, right. And it's always like that. People always
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: want to look out on it from the outside looking
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: in and they think or they assume and not really
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: know what's going on.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: And that that brings me to, like you said, you
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: would post on social media, how social media is so
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: like overrated, like just because somebody is posting something and
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: no shade to the happy couples and people living life
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: and it's real and it's just ain't a facade for
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: social media, right, so y'all, but not everything is like that.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: And so I think that for us as a people,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: we need to make sure that we're happy in our
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: lives so that when we do see stuff on social media,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: it does not make us say, well, I wish I
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: had that, I wish my man did this, I wish
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: my woman did this. Just have a sys Oh that's nice,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: and keep it moving. Don't internalize that stuff because you
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: don't know what's going on behind closed doors.
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: Yes, the situation, I would say the whole time though
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: in overcoming, and I would say that God allowed me
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: to go through some tests, a lot of tests. It
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: was all good because you know, God has I said,
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: a sense of humor.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: So during the time when he did come back, we
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: was at the same church.
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: You know. I went to the church, he went to
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: the church.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: And like I said, I had people coming to tell me,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: how you going to the same church she's going to,
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: And you know, it was hard and I had to
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: tell myself, you know, God, you know what's best. You
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: know what you're doing. I don't know what you're doing,
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: you know, but you know what you're doing. You know,
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: I just had to trust God with it. And you know,
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: it really got to one point where my daughter, her
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: teacher came and visited the church one time and she
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: my daughter came home and she said, Mama, my teacher said,
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: y'all go to the same Your mom and daddy go
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: to the same church together.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: And they divorced. And how in the world they doing that?
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: I said, you know, I said, how are we doing
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: what for one that ain't gonna been in She the teacher,
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: He's trying to right. That's just how people are, you know,
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: That's just how people are. They They they just you know,
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: have to have something to say. But that was a
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: part of my healing journey. You know, that was a
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: part of my healing journey as well. And there was
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: another you said, how did I know that I was healed?
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: That was another way, you know, I tell people you'll
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: know if you healed, because if you had a person
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: that you who did you so wrong, you know, and
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: and you say you forgive them, and if they come
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: in the room you still cringe. You got to ask yourself,
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: have you truly forgiven them?
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, It's a lot of that gonna.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm gonna be honest that that was me at first.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: You know, that was me at first, because it's easier.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: To forgive and forget what somebody done physically, but what
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: somebody said it's a little bit harder.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: You always remember what people say, you know that part.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: And like I said, I honestly believe that he is
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: a good person. At the time, he wasn't. He really wasn't.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: He really wasn't ready for marriage, and he showed me that.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: But I took it upon myself to give the optimatum
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: you know right, oh.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we try to help God out and he'd be like.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: Know you really want to do this?
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: Yes, So what ways would you say as an overcomer
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: that can help you know something that you can say
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: to someone else maybe going through something similar? Was it
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: verbal abuse, mentally abused, physical, emotional, whatever, financial because we
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: all sometimes can go to financial abuse. We help that
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: just take, take, take and take, and when you're a giver,
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: you don't see anything wrong with it because you just
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: given give and given that's your lovel What ways could
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: you tell somebody that they should just be aware when
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: they're overcome and to make sure that they stay in
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: that mindset of growth. And prosperity and overcoming.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: Remember remember where you come from, you know, and you
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: really have to just uh love yourself and really know
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: that you deserve better.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: God wants better for us.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: He don't want us to be in situations to what
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: we're hurting to where we're struggling to where we just
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: don't know whether we're coming and going or gone. You know,
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: God wants better for us, and it's okay for us
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: to have better. You know, a lot of times we
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: think that, oh I'm not deserving, you know, but we
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: we are deserving. You are deserving, you know, So get
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: just get out the mind frame that you're not deserving.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: You know, you do deserve better, You deserve more, you
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: you know, just look basically, love yourself, Love yourself.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: And I will add set boundaries with yourself to make
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: sure that you still accountable. Definitely don't say that you're
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: not gonna go to this person's house knowing that they're
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: bad news for you or they will trigger you and
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: then every time they call you running over there, So
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: that personal boundaries with yourself and say you know what, Kiki, no,
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: you're not going over there.
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: That's right to.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Give yourself to tough love.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: I've been caught in and I'll be I know, y'all,
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: I've been caught in and you are absolutely right. And
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: it took me and and and and when I was
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: caught in it, it did it.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: It took me to say, you know, no, not no more.
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: This is it.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: You know, this was not happening. I, like you said,
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: I have to set boundaries for myself.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, you're absolutely right.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Yes, ma'am. When this has been an amazing conversation, what's
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: next for you though? What you got going on? Like,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: thank you for being here, thank you for that beautiful smile,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: and thank you for being vulnerable with the audience and
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: myself by sharing your journey because stories like this matter,
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: you know everyday. People who have made a difference in
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: life every day are the people that I spotlight on
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: my show. And that helps someone. If it just touches
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: one or two people, we have done our job, because
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: guess what, that's gonna stick and resonate and resonate in
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: their mind, and so they're gonna pay it forward and
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: try to help somebody else overcome what they got going on.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: And sometimes people just need a little encouragement from somebody
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: that they don't.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Know right right, definitely, definitely, And like I just like
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: I do, I encourage everybody to just just stay encouraged,
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: just remember who you are, and you know, just remember
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: who you are in Christ. It's sometimes we get caught up,
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: you know, sometimes we get caught up in situations. You know,
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: it's okay to leave those situations. One of my biggest
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: issues that one of my biggest issues was divorce. You know,
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: I thought I had failed God, to be honest with you.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: Divorce wasn't even nowhere near in my plan. And mainly
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: because I come from a household where my mom you know,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: I had my mom and my dad in the household
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: and they were old school, you know.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: My dad brought home the money.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: My mama stayed and cooked and cleaned and she took
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: care of the kids.
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: So I come from structure.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: You know, and and and I had the godly foundation.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: So divorce, just knowing that I was getting a divorce
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: just told me to pieces to be honest with you.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: And I tell my husband now and he knows it.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: I don't believe in divorce, but I believe God allows it,
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: and and and and his because of his grace, because
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: of Jesus, you know, we're forgiving. It took me a
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: long time to get to that point, and I do
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: believe that a lot of people feel that way as well,
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: you know. But to just get to the point where
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I understood that God allows it and Grace forgave me
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: for you know, unforgiving for Yeah, that was that was
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: big for me.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: That was real big for me.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And when you when you don't understand grace, you
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: are you have that mentality of m what mm hmmm,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know why then what? What? What they got
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: going on?
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: Exactly?
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Understand? You just don't understand. And I think God is
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: grace every day I thank God for his mercy and
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: I think for Jesus because without yes, we would not
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: be here.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: We're not. Yes, Yes, you.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: Know, I love God and I talk about God on
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: the podcast all the time because if it would have
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: not been forgot, I don't think I would be sitting here.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: Definitely, definitely yep.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: So I know you got a conference that you're speaking at.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: What else do you have coming up to tell the audience?
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: How can they connect with you if they wanted to
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: follow you? And you know you on social media? Where
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: do you hang out where you where you hang out
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: on these social media streets.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. See, I'm kind of just all new
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: to this. Not Facebook, it just didn't do it a
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: whole lot. But you know, just as far as TikTok
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: and all that really didn't deve into it a whole lot,
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: and I'm kind of new to it. I believe that
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: God is doing some things in my life. He's turning
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: some things around in my life. And like I said,
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: I'll be speaking a women's conference and it's it's going
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: to be a virtual as well as in person. So yeah,
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: that's that's the next thing. So everybody who know me
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: probably know that I hadn't spoke a lot, so I
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: would definitely say God is doing some things in my life. Yes,
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: He's working some things out, and I'm here for it.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: I'm here for it.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: I'm here for it too. You're gonna be amazing you
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: unnatural though, just listening that you talk about so of
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: the things that you have, and the conviction that you have,
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: and the compassion and passion that you have behind that
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: voice of yours, and then your smile, you draw people in.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to tell you that you draw people
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: in so I know that when you do speak to
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: the women and whoever else is in attendance, in person
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: and virtual, it's gonna be life changing. So get prepared,
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: my friend, because God is up to something and that
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: is only the beginning. So you're gonna be speaking more
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: than once. Just want to let you know that. Just
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: be encouraged.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: Like I said, my life is a book, and you know,
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: up until recently, I hadn't said anything about anything you know,
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: or author to nominate me, and you know, then be
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: asked to speak at the this award and you know,
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: my giveing my topic. You know, it just brought me
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: to a place where I know God is doing something.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: But he just showed me that I have some stuff
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: to deal with myself, you know, and I've been dealing
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: and I've been dealing. I'm gonna be honest with you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: And so you're just being obedient though, because you can't
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: be obedient if you don't if you if you don't
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: have a relationship with God, you can't be obedient to
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: what he wants you to do because you don't understand
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: what's going on. So having that relationship and maintaining that relationship,
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: it's gonna make you even stronger, and he's gonna give
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: you everything that you need. You already got everything that
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: you need, you know, make room for us, and you
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: have to be so keep keep inspiring, keep keep showing
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: up where God's seeing you, you know, keeps get a chance.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: The people need to.
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: Know, you know.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: That's one of the things I've been I've dealt with
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: as to why I hadn't shared my story because I
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: felt like, again, this is me thinking about other people. Well,
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to,
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: you know, make him feel bad, and I don't want to.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: It was all in just me thinking about you know
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: how I don't want to put him in a bad situation.
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: And it's and to be honest, which is not about
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: me putting nobody in a bad situation. It's about me
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: helping people and you know, helping to heal people. I
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: had to, you know, realize that, you know, because that's
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: one of the reasons, one of the biggest reasons I've
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: never seen nothing is always been because I don't want
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: to make nobody look bad.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: Then I can say the other part and say, well
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: you made me feel bad, But then I don't. But
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: I don't want to come like that, you.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: Know, yeah, you know, so yeah.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: And when you do it, the way that you're doing
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: it is from a place that you're speaking about your experience.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, your experience happened. You didn't say any names,
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: you didn't say anything bad. Even when you were talking
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: about the bad parts, you didn't say it in a
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: malicious way or anything. So if you were coming like that,
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: then you should feel like that. But since you're coming
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: face of love still mhm, because regardless of what happened,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: you still at one point loved this person, you know,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: And so that that that right there speaks volumes. And
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: it also lets me know without a doubt that you
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: have gone through your heeling journey because you know, when
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: you mad, you don't care. Let me say his name,
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: let me I'm telling everything, you know, let me put
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: him on black. But when I from my personal experience,
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: when you have a relationship with God, and that is
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: the most important relationship that you're cultivating and maintaining, it's
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: just different.
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: Different, definitely, yea.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: You think different, you move different, you treat people different,
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: and then other stuff just roll off you like water.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: Right right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, I really enjoyed it.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: Like I said, don't I don't even know what the
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: future holds. You know, I may get into writing a
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: book or something.
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: I don't know. Like I said, my life is really
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: a book.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Well you know I help people write books. So you
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: let me know sorry about it, and let God got you.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: That's all I can say. Wait and let God got you.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: And if it's supposed to be a book, guess what
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: it's gonna come to.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Fruition definitely, I absolutely degree, I absolutely degree.
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I enjoyed it. Yes.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: Before we get out of here, though, do you have
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: some words of encouragement or motivation for our listeners today
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: when it comes to overcoming.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: So I would just encourage the people when it comes
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: to overcoming, you know, don't be hard on yourself. You know,
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: the past is the past. You just have to move
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: on look towards the future. Just God is a forgiving god.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: So as he's forgiven, you know, we have to be
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: a forgiven people as well. Things happen, People go through things,
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: and it is okay. It's okay to go through things.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: You know, it's okay to be in in a bad
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: situation long as you Don't stay there. That's the key.
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: Don't stay there. That's pretty much all I got.
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: What else?
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: Amazing, look, Mike drop. There's nothing else that I need
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: to say. Thank you guys for tuning in to another
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: episode of Kicking Wikiki, Life, Love, and all that other shit.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: I am back every Thursday with a new episode, so
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: make sure you tune in on your favorite streaming podcast platform,
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: and you can also watch on YouTube on my channel
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Kicking Wikiki Media. Go subscribe, tell a friend, and until
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: next time, trickle Husks Later,