Latest / QUESTION EVERYTHING / Manifesting Your Mission with Actress Brianna Brown Keen

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Manifesting Your Mission with Actress Brianna Brown Keen · QUESTION EVERYTHING

0:04
Speaker 1: Big things happen when you're pretty, pretty bold, pretty clever,
0:08
Speaker 1: pretty strong. I'm Danielle Robe and each week my guests
0:12
Speaker 1: and I have conversations that put a new spin on
0:15
Speaker 1: pretty This is pretty smart. Hello to my pretty smart people.
0:23
Speaker 1: You all are so pretty smart. I've been doing these
0:27
Speaker 1: one on one, fifteen or thirty minute conversations with you
0:31
Speaker 1: based on you sending in reviews or sending episodes to
0:35
Speaker 1: your friends, and you just have lit up my life.
0:40
Speaker 1: I know that in those calls, I'm supposed to be
0:43
Speaker 1: helping you, but I've been so inspired. The people that
0:46
Speaker 1: listen to this pod are just so cool, so smart,
0:50
Speaker 1: so innovative, so creative. I spoke to Jillian, who started
0:54
Speaker 1: a company out of Canada called Skipper and it's a
0:57
Speaker 1: better and sustainable shower cap. I spoke to Alexi in Nashville,
1:02
Speaker 1: she started her own consulting firm for professional project management support.
1:08
Speaker 1: You know, in the intro I talk about how this
1:11
Speaker 1: podcast is for the doers, the dreamers, and the beautiful minds,
1:15
Speaker 1: and you are really just that. So if you are
1:18
Speaker 1: just tuning in now to catch you up, I've been
1:22
Speaker 1: doing these calls with listeners, So if you send me
1:26
Speaker 1: a screenshot of a review that you wrote, or a
1:29
Speaker 1: screenshot of you sending the or any episode to two friends.
1:34
Speaker 1: Then you're entered to win that week, and I pick
1:37
Speaker 1: one person a week and it's just been so great,
1:40
Speaker 1: So thank you for that. And Pi Santoro, I don't
1:43
Speaker 1: know who you are because we haven't chatted, but your
1:46
Speaker 1: review made me tear up a bit, so thank you
1:48
Speaker 1: so much for that. I'm going to quickly tell you
1:51
Speaker 1: what I've been up to before we get into today's episode.
1:55
Speaker 1: I started doing a new podcast, actually with Hello Sunshine.
1:59
Speaker 1: It's called The Right Side, and it's a daily podcast.
2:03
Speaker 1: We're not talking about news, but we are talking about
2:07
Speaker 1: things that are timely and current and matter to women.
2:10
Speaker 1: And I have to tell you I have been horrible
2:13
Speaker 1: at juggling my schedule. I haven't quite settled into a
2:17
Speaker 1: new normal, but this is the first week that I
2:20
Speaker 1: feel like I'm getting a little bit more of a
2:23
Speaker 1: handle on things. If you notice, I missed an episode
2:26
Speaker 1: a few weeks ago, like maybe two weeks ago, which
2:29
Speaker 1: I haven't done in a long time, and I hate
2:33
Speaker 1: when I do that, but I just needed to breathe
2:36
Speaker 1: for a minute. So thanks for popping back in. And
2:39
Speaker 1: this new job has me feeling kind of reflective because
2:44
Speaker 1: twenty twenty four is actually an anniversary year in my life.
2:48
Speaker 1: It's a milestone, and it marks ten years that I've
2:51
Speaker 1: lived in LA And for anyone who's ever moved to
2:55
Speaker 1: a new city or just taken a giant leap, you
2:58
Speaker 1: know what a big deal that is. And La, this
3:02
Speaker 1: place can be a lot of things to a lot
3:04
Speaker 1: of people. And although it is glamorous or can seem
3:08
Speaker 1: glamorous at times, I've found that there's always more to
3:12
Speaker 1: the story. You've heard me say, all that glitters is
3:14
Speaker 1: not gold. And you know, people who are deemed overnight
3:18
Speaker 1: successes actually spent years working and hustling and sacrificing and
3:24
Speaker 1: being underestimated. And so often that shiny Instagram photo just
3:29
Speaker 1: doesn't show the real sacrifice that's required to quote make it.
3:35
Speaker 1: And when I moved here, I was twenty two and
3:38
Speaker 1: I had so much to learn. I always say I
3:40
Speaker 1: moved here without any friends or any clue, And what
3:45
Speaker 1: I did was just keep myself open to advice from coworkers,
3:50
Speaker 1: from friends, from mentors, from books, and even acquaintances on
3:55
Speaker 1: how to navigate career and life away from Chicago. I'll
4:00
Speaker 1: go which I called home and actually still call home
4:03
Speaker 1: to this day. And if twenty two year old Danielle
4:07
Speaker 1: would have gotten some advice from our guest today at
4:10
Speaker 1: that time, I can tell you I would have leaned
4:12
Speaker 1: all the way into it. Brianna Brown Keene is an
4:18
Speaker 1: actress and I first met her on a red carpet.
4:22
Speaker 1: It was one of my very first red carpets. I
4:25
Speaker 1: was working for free and I was working for this weird,
4:28
Speaker 1: unknown digital outlet, and one of the great parts about
4:32
Speaker 1: it was the guy who owned it let me ask
4:34
Speaker 1: anything I wanted. So, you know, most people would hop
4:37
Speaker 1: onto red carpets and say tell me about the show
4:40
Speaker 1: or what are you wearing? And you know, I had
4:43
Speaker 1: some deep questions for these people. So fran Dresher was
4:47
Speaker 1: on the carpet, and Rosie O'Donnell and Brianna and I
4:51
Speaker 1: asked everybody, or one of the questions I asked was
4:55
Speaker 1: what's the most valuable or important characteristic in an their
5:00
Speaker 1: human being? And people said charisma and confidence, and Brianna
5:05
Speaker 1: thought about it and she looked at me and she
5:07
Speaker 1: said integrity. And I actually asked that question quite a
5:11
Speaker 1: bit on red Carpets the first year I was in
5:14
Speaker 1: LA and the only other person who ever said integrity
5:17
Speaker 1: was Joe Manganello. Isn't that funny? But from that moment on,
5:21
Speaker 1: I was a Brianna fan. She's an actress with more
5:25
Speaker 1: than two decades of experience in Hollywood, both on camera
5:29
Speaker 1: and off, and no matter where she is or what
5:33
Speaker 1: she's doing, she has integrity and similar to me, Brianna
5:38
Speaker 1: moved to LA as a young person. She was nineteen,
5:42
Speaker 1: a Midwest girl from Minnesota, and Brianna's move West was
5:47
Speaker 1: her first experience living in what she says is the
5:50
Speaker 1: real world. And while she's appeared in major shows like
5:53
Speaker 1: General Hospital, at Her Banks and Homeland, she kept finding
5:57
Speaker 1: herself gravitating toward endeavors off camera. She launched a nonprofit
6:02
Speaker 1: called the New Hollywood and a coaching business called Manifesting
6:07
Speaker 1: Your Mission. She's actually launching her own podcasts based on
6:11
Speaker 1: that this month and today, Brianna is sharing some of
6:15
Speaker 1: the lessons she learned in her journey, from demystifying success
6:20
Speaker 1: to why feeling stuck can sometimes be a good thing.
6:23
Speaker 2: I think we have this idea that birthing something new
6:27
Speaker 2: should be effortless and that pain should just be not
6:31
Speaker 2: instead of no. Pain is part of what motivates us.
6:34
Speaker 2: Pain pushes until.
6:35
Speaker 1: Vision polls plus her tip for looking inward when life
6:40
Speaker 1: gets painful.
6:41
Speaker 2: The bigger the reaction, the older than them.
6:43
Speaker 1: So please welcome our friend, Brianna Brown Keene. So I
6:51
Speaker 1: want to take it all the way back to Minnesota
6:54
Speaker 1: where you grew up. I love that you're a Midwest girl.
6:57
Speaker 1: Said you flipped through the phone book to cold call
6:59
Speaker 1: Minie Soda modeling agencies when you were just fourteen. That
7:03
Speaker 1: takes a lot of guts at fourteen. I'm so curious
7:06
Speaker 1: as to what your upbringing was that at fourteen you
7:09
Speaker 1: were just dead set on your goals.
7:11
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know what came over me here. I
7:16
Speaker 2: was fourteen. I decided I want to get into acting.
7:19
Speaker 2: I didn't know how to do that. And this is
7:22
Speaker 2: definitely aging myself. This is pre YouTube, this is pre Internet,
7:27
Speaker 2: this is you know, you had a big old Yellow
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Speaker 2: Pages and so I just flipped through to find modeling
7:34
Speaker 2: acting agencies, and I knew I didn't have enough of
7:36
Speaker 2: my resume to make sense, like with theater that I'd
7:38
Speaker 2: done in high school, barely done in high school, because
7:41
Speaker 2: I was just starting to make that make sense. So
7:44
Speaker 2: I just started cold calling and saying, Hi, I want
7:47
Speaker 2: to be an actress, so I would love to know
7:48
Speaker 2: how to get started.
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Speaker 1: Was anybody helpful for you? I think people were.
7:54
Speaker 2: You know, I just kept getting information, and I just
7:57
Speaker 2: gathered the information, and I found out how you submit
7:59
Speaker 2: to age, so when they actually would look at your material,
8:02
Speaker 2: and I was like okay, okay, So I just would
8:04
Speaker 2: just figuring it out, and I figured out where I
8:07
Speaker 2: needed to go to get into get things like a
8:09
Speaker 2: headshot and just the basics, and then submit to all
8:12
Speaker 2: the agencies. And I just consistently followed up. And it
8:15
Speaker 2: actually was a woman who later became part of my
8:18
Speaker 2: manager's team. She was really interested in the fact that
8:21
Speaker 2: I was, you know, in high school, and I was like, okay,
8:23
Speaker 2: well I'd like to come in. It wasn't like my
8:24
Speaker 2: mother was calling on my behalf and I was like, well,
8:27
Speaker 2: I don't have school on this day, and so she
8:29
Speaker 2: thought the fast fact that I had tenacity to come
8:31
Speaker 2: in drive downtown, which I was from the suburbs, so
8:34
Speaker 2: it wasn't like I was a city girl and you know,
8:37
Speaker 2: have a meeting and talk to her and learn. And
8:40
Speaker 2: so that began me just auditioning and doing things by
8:43
Speaker 2: videotape and then getting callbacks, which is crazy because this
8:47
Speaker 2: was you know, before nationwide casting was what it is now.
8:50
Speaker 2: And then I got repped from that because I started
8:53
Speaker 2: getting callbacks and you know, I almost got a couple
8:55
Speaker 2: of jobs and I was brought out to Los Angeles
8:58
Speaker 2: at nineteen.
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Speaker 1: The almost are exciting, right, it makes you feel like
9:02
Speaker 1: you're on the right path.
9:03
Speaker 2: Well, and also when I don't know any different, right, Like,
9:07
Speaker 2: there was this big movie that came into Minnesota. It
9:10
Speaker 2: dropped out gorgeous, and they were doing it was this
9:13
Speaker 2: pageant movie and they needed everyone to come in and
9:16
Speaker 2: do kind of an improv as a pageant girl. And
9:19
Speaker 2: because I had a theater background, and I just didn't
9:21
Speaker 2: give up, you know, I just didn't. I was like, whatever,
9:25
Speaker 2: this is all exciting. I just was super bold. I
9:28
Speaker 2: didn't know what I didn't know. And so they wanted
9:30
Speaker 2: each person to come in and be pageant girls and
9:32
Speaker 2: do this like, you know a little back and forth.
9:34
Speaker 2: And I came in and I decided to make a
9:36
Speaker 2: total character. I wore my like maroon homecoming dress, and
9:41
Speaker 2: maroon tights and tennis shoes and I do my hair
9:45
Speaker 2: all funky, and I came in kind of like awkward,
9:48
Speaker 2: and I sat down awkward, and I had this whole
9:51
Speaker 2: backstory that like, I didn't really want to do pageants,
9:53
Speaker 2: but my mom made me do pageants, so that it
9:56
Speaker 2: was this woman who was just cuckoo. And then they
9:58
Speaker 2: brought me into like for I think like five or
10:00
Speaker 2: six of the characters. I didn't get any of the characters,
10:03
Speaker 2: but I came really close. But I ended up getting
10:05
Speaker 2: a featured extra, which I was very excited about. And
10:07
Speaker 2: I could see myself throwing up in the movie.
10:10
Speaker 1: I'm like, there, I.
10:10
Speaker 2: Am, you know the first time I was on cameras
10:13
Speaker 2: throwing up. Oh my god, I'm gad you help it.
10:17
Speaker 1: So I was reading in a Medium article that you
10:21
Speaker 1: felt like becoming or being an overachiever actually played into
10:25
Speaker 1: your success. Yeah, I'm curious what you mean, because I
10:29
Speaker 1: think now in culture, we hear conflicting ideas about that, right,
10:33
Speaker 1: like some of it is valorized, and then now we're
10:37
Speaker 1: hearing hustle culture is not great, we should slow down.
10:41
Speaker 1: How do you think about it now?
10:43
Speaker 2: I think it depends on where you're at and what
10:44
Speaker 2: you're trying to achieve. Right, So now that I do coaching,
10:49
Speaker 2: executive coaching, now that I have done goal setting for decades,
10:55
Speaker 2: that I think that it depends on where you're at.
10:58
Speaker 2: So if you're trying to launch something new, I think
11:01
Speaker 2: that there needs to be a laser focus. It's like
11:04
Speaker 2: the rocket ship needing to get beyond the atmosphere. That's
11:08
Speaker 2: what takes the most energy, the most fuel. And I
11:12
Speaker 2: think the same with launching or creative creating any business,
11:15
Speaker 2: or reinventing yourself or needing to get momentum. I do
11:18
Speaker 2: think that there is a need to have a real
11:21
Speaker 2: laser focus that you know, it's that whole like jack
11:24
Speaker 2: of all trades, master of nothing.
11:26
Speaker 1: And I do think that you.
11:27
Speaker 2: Can be a jack of a lot of trades and
11:28
Speaker 2: a master of a lot of things, but you sometimes
11:30
Speaker 2: need to become a master at each one individually and
11:33
Speaker 2: you accumulate being a master or really good.
11:36
Speaker 1: Interesting you bring that up because there's such an emphasis
11:39
Speaker 1: I think in the last few years of being multifaceted, right,
11:43
Speaker 1: like everybody's an actor slash slash slash slash, And I
11:48
Speaker 1: never quite know how I feel about it. Part of
11:52
Speaker 1: me is like, it's so nice that we're not putting
11:54
Speaker 1: people in boxes, and the other part of me feels
11:57
Speaker 1: like exactly what you said, which is like, how can
11:59
Speaker 1: you really figure out how to be great at anything
12:02
Speaker 1: if you're doing everything well?
12:04
Speaker 2: I think you know. It's that whole idea of you
12:07
Speaker 2: need to get your ten thousand hours in right, so
12:09
Speaker 2: I can do many different things because I already put
12:12
Speaker 2: in my ten thousand hours as being an actress. I
12:15
Speaker 2: can take a script, look at it, I know what
12:16
Speaker 2: to do, I know how much time it's going to
12:18
Speaker 2: take me. I know who to go to if it's
12:20
Speaker 2: something outside my wheelhouse, like, I can look at it
12:22
Speaker 2: and be like, Okay, I need to do this, this, this,
12:24
Speaker 2: this and this. You know, rarely am I surprised at
12:27
Speaker 2: this point. I know that, and I've been doing it
12:29
Speaker 2: since I was nineteen and I'm almost forty four, so
12:32
Speaker 2: I have a wealth of knowledge in that, and because
12:35
Speaker 2: of that, I was able to then slowly dive into
12:40
Speaker 2: other things and slowly master other things that now are
12:44
Speaker 2: secondhand for me. But I do agree with you if
12:47
Speaker 2: your focus is divided up too much, it can be
12:50
Speaker 2: really difficult. That being said, I do think that once,
12:54
Speaker 2: especially for women and for men, but if they want
12:57
Speaker 2: to be a lead parent or they want to be
12:59
Speaker 2: a it is a lot of juggling a lot of
13:03
Speaker 2: different things that you have to be good at all
13:05
Speaker 2: of it throughout the day, and you're wearing different hats
13:07
Speaker 2: throughout the day.
13:09
Speaker 1: I never thought about it like that.
13:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not like your kid comes home and then
13:13
Speaker 2: you can finally relax and then there's some lesson you
13:16
Speaker 2: have to teach them about emotional regulation or something, you know,
13:21
Speaker 2: So there's there's an even greater need to have your focus,
13:25
Speaker 2: to have that energy, and we can easily feel really
13:29
Speaker 2: depleted towards the end of the day, and that can
13:30
Speaker 2: be the time that we need to be the most
13:32
Speaker 2: on for those moments where our kids need really need
13:36
Speaker 2: us to, you know, not snap at them or not
13:39
Speaker 2: be frustrated.
13:41
Speaker 1: You know, when I met you, I met you on
13:44
Speaker 1: a red carpet, so it was through an acting lens,
13:47
Speaker 1: and then I quickly found out about how philanthropic you
13:51
Speaker 1: are and how much activism you do as well. And
13:54
Speaker 1: as I was prepping for this, I read that you
13:57
Speaker 1: wanted to be an actor because actors can be more
13:59
Speaker 1: powerful than polticians. That was your quote. I'm so curious
14:03
Speaker 1: what you mean by that and how you saw it,
14:06
Speaker 1: and also what are some of the most powerful ways
14:08
Speaker 1: you've seen art intersect with life in that sense?
14:13
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, I was fourteen when I had
14:15
Speaker 2: that knowing, right, That's how it came out of just nowhere.
14:21
Speaker 2: It felt like I had been going through a really
14:23
Speaker 2: difficult time. I've been severely bullied in my middle school
14:26
Speaker 2: into high school. There was definitely a dark Knight of
14:28
Speaker 2: the soul period my freshman year of high school and
14:33
Speaker 2: my mom.
14:34
Speaker 1: I don't mean to interrupt you, but I didn't know that.
14:36
Speaker 2: I'm oh, yeah, yeah. There was like a real god
14:40
Speaker 2: moment that I had where I had a real shift
14:42
Speaker 2: of like of you know, being really a victim and
14:46
Speaker 2: feeling like the world was against me and something was
14:49
Speaker 2: wrong with me because of this bullying. And in a moment,
14:52
Speaker 2: my life changed and I had this knowing that, like
14:55
Speaker 2: my life had a purpose. I realized that I could
14:58
Speaker 2: be bigger than my circumstance chances. It was just really incredible,
15:02
Speaker 2: this this turning point at fourteen.
15:05
Speaker 1: How did the bullying start?
15:06
Speaker 2: You know? It was I had had this pattern of
15:11
Speaker 2: attracting mainly women who looking back, were jealous. Or maybe
15:16
Speaker 2: I was a little weird and it's the stick character. No,
15:20
Speaker 2: but maybe, you know, maybe I was just a little
15:23
Speaker 2: a little more off. I was definitely more of a tomboy.
15:25
Speaker 2: I wasn't a girly girl. I didn't. I had to
15:29
Speaker 2: learn all of those things like that. All that all
15:32
Speaker 2: I learned, actually mainly when I moved to Los Angeles,
15:35
Speaker 2: how to play the roles and how to tap in
15:37
Speaker 2: more with my femininity.
15:39
Speaker 1: Did it feel like you were performing it before it
15:42
Speaker 1: became natural to you?
15:45
Speaker 2: Well, my first job on television, I was playing a
15:49
Speaker 2: popular cheerleader with a popular jock. That was not me.
15:53
Speaker 1: Was that on Freaks and Geeks?
15:54
Speaker 2: Yeah? I was on Freaks and Geeks and that wasn't me.
15:56
Speaker 2: Or I'd play all these people who were really wealthy.
15:58
Speaker 2: I didn't come from wealth. A play people that were
16:01
Speaker 2: very superficial and care at all about what they look like.
16:03
Speaker 2: And that I literally was like, oh, there's a hairs everybody. Oh, well,
16:07
Speaker 2: that's how you do that?
16:08
Speaker 1: You know, that's fascinating because all these casting directors were
16:12
Speaker 1: assuming based on your appearance.
16:14
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And then I had to learn how to
16:17
Speaker 2: be great at that right, So I was like, oh,
16:20
Speaker 2: that's not who I am, but I can play that.
16:22
Speaker 1: How did you learn to push back when people challenged
16:26
Speaker 1: who you were?
16:27
Speaker 2: I think there's this real sense that we all need
16:29
Speaker 2: to have this crazy knowing of our identity now, and
16:32
Speaker 2: I think that I think we're doing it a little wrong.
16:34
Speaker 2: I think, instead, how can we just allow people's identity
16:37
Speaker 2: to unsold and they learn and instead of having to
16:40
Speaker 2: make a proclamation like this is who I am, Like,
16:43
Speaker 2: I'm not who I was ten years ago, let agone,
16:46
Speaker 2: twenty or thirty. And I think about, like if I
16:49
Speaker 2: was fourteen and I had the pressure of having to
16:52
Speaker 2: know my identity and what I wanted and all these things.
16:55
Speaker 2: To the degree that I feel like we're just you know,
16:57
Speaker 2: pressuring everyone, especially young people when you're frontal lobe isn't
17:01
Speaker 2: fully developed in your brand, friend Bring doesn't even finish
17:04
Speaker 2: growing until twenty five, because it's like give everyone a beat.
17:08
Speaker 2: I would have had a really hard time with it.
17:10
Speaker 2: I would have been really confused as to who I
17:13
Speaker 2: was as your hormones are coming in and you're kind
17:15
Speaker 2: of like, well, this is my group of people. But
17:17
Speaker 2: just because that's my group of people, doesn't mean that's
17:19
Speaker 2: who I am. It's just who I happen to be
17:21
Speaker 2: friends with right now for all, or what I'm interested
17:24
Speaker 2: in right now. So it wasn't like this is who
17:26
Speaker 2: I am and that's who I'm not. It was like, oh,
17:28
Speaker 2: I get to step into learning about this part of myself.
17:32
Speaker 2: Just because I hadn't been exposed to it when I
17:34
Speaker 2: was younger doesn't mean that it wasn't a part of me.
17:36
Speaker 2: I just didn't know it was a possibility. Or my
17:39
Speaker 2: mom has.
17:40
Speaker 1: This quote that's like, if you wear a mask long enough,
17:42
Speaker 1: it becomes your face, for better or for worse. Uh huh.
17:46
Speaker 1: Does that resonate at all?
17:48
Speaker 2: No. I think there's some of it where you're like,
17:49
Speaker 2: I want to grow to be that thing, or I'd
17:51
Speaker 2: like to embrace more of that trait. I think some
17:54
Speaker 2: of it was like, oh I get to make six figures.
17:58
Speaker 1: Oh okay.
17:59
Speaker 2: And I remember having an agent saying that to me
18:02
Speaker 2: when I you know, we were chatting and I was
18:04
Speaker 2: I think probably twenty or something, nineteen twenty, and he
18:08
Speaker 2: was like, he said to me flat out, he gave
18:10
Speaker 2: me like a little workshop, like on what I need
18:12
Speaker 2: to do differently, how I need to did rest differently,
18:14
Speaker 2: just just some of this stuff because I didn't know
18:17
Speaker 2: that he'd said to me flat out, and it was
18:19
Speaker 2: one of those aha for me. He said, Brianna, the
18:23
Speaker 2: only reason you're not making six figures is because of you.
18:27
Speaker 2: And I looked at him and it was like my
18:29
Speaker 2: jaw drop and I thought to myself, Wow, I'm the
18:33
Speaker 2: only reason that I'm not making six figures. And then
18:35
Speaker 2: it was like a pause. I didn't even know I
18:38
Speaker 2: could make six.
18:38
Speaker 1: Figures, Like what do you think the reason was?
18:43
Speaker 2: Because I think we all have limiting paradigms as to
18:46
Speaker 2: what we believe we deserve or what we see. I mean,
18:50
Speaker 2: if your whole family goes and becomes doctors or lawyers
18:54
Speaker 2: and has you know, extended education, then it's a no
18:58
Speaker 2: brainer that you're going to think that that's a possibility.
19:01
Speaker 2: You're like, oh, yeah, my uncle, my dad, we all
19:03
Speaker 2: do this thing right, and then they can help guide
19:05
Speaker 2: you if you have stumbling blocks. And I think the
19:09
Speaker 2: same is true on a lesser scale, like I didn't
19:12
Speaker 2: think I could. I didn't even know what my possibilities
19:16
Speaker 2: could look like. It's not like I didn't want to
19:18
Speaker 2: become an actress because I wanted to go be famous
19:20
Speaker 2: and be on the covers of magazines and have everyone
19:23
Speaker 2: know my name. That wasn't what I was going for,
19:25
Speaker 2: and if it had been, I probably would have been
19:27
Speaker 2: a little bit more strategic in doing things that I
19:31
Speaker 2: don't agree with, like that's that doesn't align with my
19:33
Speaker 2: values too right. But I loved to act. I loved
19:36
Speaker 2: to the art of, you know, being creative. I loved
19:40
Speaker 2: sharing stories. I loved having stories that could impact people
19:43
Speaker 2: because I had stories that I watched that impacted me
19:47
Speaker 2: and made me think and feel compassion and empathy or
19:50
Speaker 2: you know, were a light when it was a dark
19:52
Speaker 2: period of time. And I think that we get to
19:54
Speaker 2: access that creativity and I felt really alive in that anyway.
19:58
Speaker 2: To go way back when I was going through that
20:00
Speaker 2: bullying period, I remember my mom was driving me back
20:03
Speaker 2: from this therapist appointment I had had and I said
20:06
Speaker 2: to her, I was, you know, you have these moments
20:09
Speaker 2: that are just like locked into your brain as if
20:11
Speaker 2: it was just a picture was taken, but there's no
20:13
Speaker 2: none yet. That was what this was for me. And
20:17
Speaker 2: I said to her mom, I want to become an
20:20
Speaker 2: actress and I remember her looking in a rearview mirror
20:25
Speaker 2: looking at me, being like, uh huh, don't mind you.
20:27
Speaker 2: I'd never made any of the plates because I was
20:30
Speaker 2: too afraid to read beyond the page in a big
20:33
Speaker 2: room of you know, my peers cut to here, I am.
20:36
Speaker 2: My Mom's like, I'm going through this really difficult time,
20:40
Speaker 2: and at fourteen, she's driving me back from a therapy session,
20:44
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I want to be an actress because
20:46
Speaker 2: actress can be more more powerful than politicians. Now, I
20:49
Speaker 2: didn't say that they are more powerful. I said they
20:52
Speaker 2: can be. And I think that when a platform, which
20:56
Speaker 2: is a real honor to be on any sort of platform,
21:01
Speaker 2: when someone is on a platform, they can really create
21:04
Speaker 2: lots of ripples of change and good and bad right.
21:09
Speaker 2: And I think that there is a need for not
21:12
Speaker 2: everyone to be on a platform if their message is
21:14
Speaker 2: not of a certain level of I don't know what
21:17
Speaker 2: the right word is, importance or wisdom. You know, It's like,
21:22
Speaker 2: we don't have queans and queens in our culture, but
21:26
Speaker 2: we sure do put a lot of people on pedestals
21:28
Speaker 2: as if they are. Anyway, I had this knowing, I
21:30
Speaker 2: don't know where I knew it. I had this thing.
21:32
Speaker 2: I said this, and I was like, wow, that year
21:34
Speaker 2: I made my first play in high school.
21:39
Speaker 1: What did moving to LA feel like? I've been thinking
21:41
Speaker 1: about because I moved almost ten years ago. I've been
21:47
Speaker 1: thinking about the good, some of the hard, some things
21:49
Speaker 1: I might have overlooked. What did it feel like for
21:52
Speaker 1: you at nineteen? It must have been really hard.
21:54
Speaker 2: I mean I was blessed that I had representation bring
21:57
Speaker 2: me out at first, so it you know, they kind
22:00
Speaker 2: of bring me to auditions. I started booking jobs, and
22:03
Speaker 2: then I wasn't ready to move move. It felt very
22:06
Speaker 2: scary as to what that would look like. And when
22:10
Speaker 2: I actually decided, all right, I'm going to leave college
22:13
Speaker 2: and I'm going to come out here, and I end
22:16
Speaker 2: up knowing in college as well, like if I stayed there,
22:19
Speaker 2: I would always regret that I didn't really run at it.
22:23
Speaker 2: So I knew that was my time to go to
22:24
Speaker 2: try it. And so when I move moved. It was
22:28
Speaker 2: definitely not a coudled situation. I sublet with this woman
22:34
Speaker 2: who had been a little bit older than me, and
22:35
Speaker 2: we'd all stayed at the oak Woods in Los Angeles,
22:38
Speaker 2: which was kind of a place that a lot of
22:40
Speaker 2: young actors at that time would all kind of stay.
22:42
Speaker 2: And I moved into her apartment with two other roommates
22:46
Speaker 2: and it was in not a great area. But I
22:50
Speaker 2: remember going and meeting her out for dinner and I
22:54
Speaker 2: was like, wow, you look thin. It's my first night
22:57
Speaker 2: in life. I'm like, wow, you look thin. And she said, well, yeah,
23:02
Speaker 2: I've been doing a lot of coke. So and I
23:06
Speaker 2: was kidding. And I was from suburbs Minnesota. I had
23:09
Speaker 2: been a drug ed teacher. I've been a drug ed teacher.
23:12
Speaker 2: I literally taught, but not do drugs. Right like in
23:17
Speaker 2: I was such a good you two.
23:18
Speaker 1: Shoot.
23:18
Speaker 2: I feel like people.
23:20
Speaker 1: Underestimate what it's like to move to New York or
23:23
Speaker 1: LA when you come from like a suburb. I came
23:25
Speaker 1: from a suburb of Chicago, Like I know your life. Yes,
23:29
Speaker 1: it is so different to move to a city. The
23:32
Speaker 1: things that are normal for people you just like look
23:35
Speaker 1: in wonderment.
23:37
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And it was I just remember being like, oh,
23:41
Speaker 2: by the way, like I have no friends. So I'm like, okay,
23:44
Speaker 2: I guess we're gonna still keep eating here at ten
23:46
Speaker 2: eating Thai food, and she's like, come with me, I'll
23:48
Speaker 2: take you to this party, and we went to some
23:50
Speaker 2: party in some hills. I almost like, I don't know
23:52
Speaker 2: what they were happening. I just remember being like, what
23:54
Speaker 2: is this place? I mean, the biggest party I've been
23:57
Speaker 2: to was in college at Saint Olaf, which was a
24:00
Speaker 2: dry campus.
24:02
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Rann, what is happening?
24:09
Speaker 2: Do you think other people saw that on your face?
24:12
Speaker 1: Or did you hide it?
24:13
Speaker 2: I have no idea. It was such a blur. I
24:15
Speaker 2: mean I was barely there and then I was kind
24:17
Speaker 2: of like, get me out of here. This is crazy.
24:19
Speaker 2: But you know, it was also really scary too, because
24:23
Speaker 2: I was trying to find a side gig and you
24:25
Speaker 2: know where, you know, you don't know the places to live,
24:28
Speaker 2: and especially at nineteen, it just felt like all the predators,
24:33
Speaker 2: all the like older men who didn't want to be
24:35
Speaker 2: in a real relationship and they just have like you're
24:39
Speaker 2: young and you're new.
24:41
Speaker 1: And they can tell. Oh they can tell. They smell
24:44
Speaker 1: you out, they know so quick, and it's the gross ones, right.
24:48
Speaker 1: It's something that my mom reminded me of this because
24:51
Speaker 1: I called her the other day and I was like,
24:52
Speaker 1: I'm coming up on ten years and she was like,
24:54
Speaker 1: do you remember that you would call me nearly every
24:56
Speaker 1: day in tears because the hairstylist would make a pass
25:00
Speaker 1: at you, the this person, and you didn't know how
25:02
Speaker 1: to handle it, Like I wasn't equipped, you.
25:05
Speaker 2: Know, I wasn't either.
25:07
Speaker 1: It's the weirdest experience.
25:09
Speaker 2: I remember going my manager, you know, I'd gotten this
25:12
Speaker 2: like little side gig where I was at a medical
25:14
Speaker 2: conference and I was like at a booth by the way.
25:16
Speaker 2: I wasn't like dressed skanky or anything. There was nothing shown.
25:19
Speaker 2: I was just like, hey, come to this booth. I
25:21
Speaker 2: don't even remember what it was. And I just remember
25:24
Speaker 2: this man who was apparently a doctor. My grandfather's age,
25:29
Speaker 2: my grandfather, not even your father, your grandfather, my father,
25:34
Speaker 2: my grand I mean, you look really put together like
25:36
Speaker 2: he you know. But he's just like, would you like
25:38
Speaker 2: to come up to my house in Santa Barbara next weekend?
25:40
Speaker 2: And I'm like.
25:42
Speaker 1: What I know, I was talking and you don't know
25:46
Speaker 1: what to say, and being.
25:48
Speaker 2: From Minnesota, Minnesota nice, You're.
25:50
Speaker 1: Like, oh, no, thank you.
25:52
Speaker 2: Oh you know I went busy next weekend. Yeah. I
25:56
Speaker 2: remember food running because I'd hurt my back six months
25:59
Speaker 2: into moving out to Las Andres. There's a whole other thing,
26:01
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh my god, I have to
26:02
Speaker 2: move back home. And I bulged three discs in my back.
26:05
Speaker 2: I was told I'm able to run again. But all
26:07
Speaker 2: of these, all of these major hurdles, and I remember
26:12
Speaker 2: food running at this restaurants no longer exists downtown, which
26:17
Speaker 2: at that time was really sketchy that area, you know,
26:21
Speaker 2: And I just remember customers saying like, hey, come give
26:23
Speaker 2: me a hug, and I'm like, how do I hug you?
26:29
Speaker 2: How do I handle this? But no, I was not
26:31
Speaker 2: taught that way. And I also think that just in
26:34
Speaker 2: Minnesota or you know, from subers of Chicago, there's just
26:38
Speaker 2: a different level of what is and isn't appropriate. And
26:42
Speaker 2: also there was a different level of hey, you're a
26:44
Speaker 2: grown man and you shouldn't be dating children versus like here,
26:49
Speaker 2: it's like applauded and there's you know, Peter Pan syndrome,
26:53
Speaker 2: and I don't know, it is a very interesting time
26:56
Speaker 2: for a young woman because, you know, and I've spoken
26:59
Speaker 2: with friends of mine who, you know, I wish I
27:02
Speaker 2: would have known more what was going on with them
27:04
Speaker 2: at that point. We weren't close enough because we were
27:06
Speaker 2: all going through something. You know. I have a friend
27:09
Speaker 2: of mine who was roofied at a club and lived
27:12
Speaker 2: outside the club, and thank god someone helped her out.
27:15
Speaker 2: Like there's just these these horror stories that can happen.
27:18
Speaker 2: And I do think that some of the horror stories
27:21
Speaker 2: I learned quickly, and I became verack to I became
27:25
Speaker 2: very focused on work, and I became more cautious who
27:28
Speaker 2: I spent time with. And I think that is why,
27:30
Speaker 2: actually I think it is why I shifted more my
27:34
Speaker 2: attention toward working with women and less with men, because
27:37
Speaker 2: I'd had such negative experiences with men in my early twenties,
27:42
Speaker 2: and so I thought, well, even though Los Angeles in
27:46
Speaker 2: Hollywood can feel like a heightened version of high school,
27:48
Speaker 2: I'd rather find the you know, the gems here and
27:51
Speaker 2: gather them and come together. And that's what began my
27:56
Speaker 2: goal group and the and with goal setting and community
27:59
Speaker 2: with women, and that became, you know, an anchor for
28:02
Speaker 2: me in a town that can be so transitional, and
28:06
Speaker 2: you know, it takes a while, as you know, it
28:08
Speaker 2: takes a while to find your crew.
28:10
Speaker 1: Tell me about your goal setting. I didn't know about
28:14
Speaker 1: your goal group. I didn't know that was a thing.
28:17
Speaker 1: So I'm yeah, yeah.
28:19
Speaker 2: So a way. Well, first of all, I started leading
28:23
Speaker 2: and facilitating facilitating groups since I was in high school
28:26
Speaker 2: with drug ad teaching right got too. When I first
28:30
Speaker 2: started out in LA, I'd done Artists Way groups, facilitated
28:34
Speaker 2: those for myself, my friends, and for my manager's clients.
28:37
Speaker 2: And then in my mid twenties I started doing like
28:40
Speaker 2: a goal setting group, and at a certain point it
28:44
Speaker 2: evolved into a nonprofit because I was like, I love
28:47
Speaker 2: the goal setting, but I really love the idea of
28:49
Speaker 2: giving back right instead of just being me, me, me me,
28:53
Speaker 2: I'm successful. I really loved the idea of like rising
28:56
Speaker 2: higher and shining brighter and giving back right. So in
29:00
Speaker 2: two thousand and six I formed a nonprofit that had
29:03
Speaker 2: a goal group aspect to it. It's an annual group
29:06
Speaker 2: that I've had almost twenty years, and different people have
29:10
Speaker 2: come and gone, and the most, you know, I've had
29:11
Speaker 2: a lot of people that stay and we do goal
29:13
Speaker 2: setting and whatnot. And through that I ended up creating
29:17
Speaker 2: a goal setting book because I didn't love the things
29:20
Speaker 2: that were out there and I didn't feel that it
29:21
Speaker 2: really resonated with the reality of the life changes that happen,
29:25
Speaker 2: especially for artists. Entrepreneurs and then women as they go
29:28
Speaker 2: into women and men, but when they decide to go
29:30
Speaker 2: into like parenthood, and that's having a lot more responsibility
29:34
Speaker 2: just them self. And so that's and this is the
29:38
Speaker 2: manifesting your mission. Yeah. Yeah, so that's that's what you know.
29:42
Speaker 2: There were I've done, I don't know, probably seven different
29:45
Speaker 2: versions of that book, and for you know, I would
29:46
Speaker 2: do each year, I would do a different version, and
29:49
Speaker 2: then at a certain point, like I really did a
29:51
Speaker 2: deep dive and threw in more of my why and
29:54
Speaker 2: my expertise, and then also citing a lot of other sources,
29:57
Speaker 2: which I think is really important because I feel that
29:59
Speaker 2: there are a lot of people of great information. But
30:01
Speaker 2: I also am like, I know whose information you've read.
30:05
Speaker 1: I can know what's interesting. I interviewed this woman, Elise Lunan,
30:09
Speaker 1: and she said that she was like, it's really important
30:12
Speaker 1: to give credit to all of these authors, all of
30:14
Speaker 1: these people that like and it doesn't take away.
30:16
Speaker 2: From your work, no, No, And actually, you know, I'd
30:19
Speaker 2: done workshops around it. I've done private you know, I
30:22
Speaker 2: started doing private coaching around around it. The pandemic. I
30:25
Speaker 2: created a twelve week program. I just did a retreat
30:27
Speaker 2: in Sonoma with some friends, like so it's been really
30:29
Speaker 2: fun to be crazy in this way. And then actually
30:32
Speaker 2: through the nonprofit, we use this tool and it's a
30:36
Speaker 2: different format, but we help these women who were formerly
30:39
Speaker 2: homeless moms be able to have this tool mentorship grants,
30:45
Speaker 2: and then they also have challenges to like get them
30:47
Speaker 2: to push themselves further. And then usually it's in some
30:50
Speaker 2: sort of experience for them for self care or like
30:53
Speaker 2: them and their kid. So it's been really fun. And
30:55
Speaker 2: that's through the New Hollywood. But I agree with that
30:58
Speaker 2: because I know that I can say I had this experience,
31:01
Speaker 2: like I can say I hurt my back, I'm sol
31:03
Speaker 2: I can never run again. And I could have taken
31:05
Speaker 2: that on and at nineteen and I didn't. And here's
31:08
Speaker 2: what I learned, and here's where I learned it from. Yeah,
31:11
Speaker 2: hear it from different sources. So someone else like me
31:13
Speaker 2: who's maybe stubborn or resistant or as like who are you,
31:18
Speaker 2: I can say, Okay, I hear your experience, and then
31:21
Speaker 2: you hear it from another voice and another voice, and
31:24
Speaker 2: then you see the common thread and it you're like, Okay,
31:26
Speaker 2: there's a commonality here that I can see that they
31:30
Speaker 2: all kind of did X y Z all right, so
31:32
Speaker 2: let me try x y z instead of assuming that
31:34
Speaker 2: I'm right even though I'm stuck. So I've found that
31:38
Speaker 2: that's a really helpful way if someone's going through something,
31:40
Speaker 2: to just say we'll check this, check out this, stick
31:42
Speaker 2: of this, and then once you know they know it
31:45
Speaker 2: or they feel they make that choice. Because that's how
31:48
Speaker 2: I've grown.
31:49
Speaker 1: Feeling stuck is the worst I think. I felt so
31:52
Speaker 1: stuck in my twenties. I don't feel as stuck anymore.
31:56
Speaker 1: For people who are feeling stuck. Is there something about
32:02
Speaker 1: manifesting or goal setting that you can impart on us
32:06
Speaker 1: that you think is a really important step forward.
32:10
Speaker 2: There's so many things I could say. One thing I
32:13
Speaker 2: think that I think being stuck is sometimes part of
32:16
Speaker 2: the process. It's cliche, but if you look at the
32:21
Speaker 2: metamorphosis of a you know, a caterpillar to a butterfly
32:25
Speaker 2: going into a cocoon, that cocoon phase is uncomfortable. The
32:29
Speaker 2: trying to get out is what builds strength for the
32:31
Speaker 2: wings of the butterfly. If you just cut it open,
32:34
Speaker 2: it won't be able to fly. And there's so many
32:36
Speaker 2: analogies like that in nature, I think we have this
32:41
Speaker 2: idea that birthing something new should be effortless and that
32:45
Speaker 2: pain should just be numbed instead of no. Pain is
32:49
Speaker 2: part of what motivates us. It's that whole saying Michael
32:52
Speaker 2: Bethwick talks about like pain pushes until vision polls right,
32:56
Speaker 2: So we sometimes we have to be in so much pain,
32:58
Speaker 2: be in a terrible relationationship, and then finally get out
33:01
Speaker 2: of it. Tralliz Wow, I did not speak up. I
33:04
Speaker 2: did not set boundaries. I actually don't really love myself
33:06
Speaker 2: that much. And then that is what allows the soil
33:10
Speaker 2: to be fertile enough to be able to have new
33:12
Speaker 2: things grow. But if you know this idea that everything
33:15
Speaker 2: should be a Disney very princess, you know, I'm asleep
33:19
Speaker 2: and I get kissed and then I'm with my forever
33:22
Speaker 2: person who and it's forever bliss, is just completely insane.
33:26
Speaker 2: It's not accurate. The grim fairy tales that all of
33:29
Speaker 2: these stories were based on. We're not that. And if
33:32
Speaker 2: you remember that, right, they were grim. They were to
33:34
Speaker 2: teach us about how the world works and how works,
33:38
Speaker 2: and how to how to be able to navigate. And
33:41
Speaker 2: so I think I think the best thing if you're
33:44
Speaker 2: feeling stuck, is to not avoid the feeling. You know,
33:48
Speaker 2: there is a process of grieving what was in order
33:52
Speaker 2: to step into what is meant to be right, and
33:56
Speaker 2: then being really aware of how you numb to avoid
33:59
Speaker 2: all of that because is that's something that all of
34:01
Speaker 2: us do, and a lot of it's now applauded, and
34:04
Speaker 2: now a lot of it we're competing with AI like
34:07
Speaker 2: telling us keep scrolling. You know, if you watch it, when.
34:09
Speaker 1: You say it's applauded, what do you mean.
34:11
Speaker 2: Well, like, if you're constantly taking selfies of yourself all
34:15
Speaker 2: the time, you'd be like, oh, look at you, you're
34:17
Speaker 2: an influencer or whatever. But that person could be really
34:20
Speaker 2: avoiding something in their life.
34:22
Speaker 1: Right to what.
34:23
Speaker 2: Degree are we doing the thing?
34:25
Speaker 1: It's really painful when your insides don't match your outsides.
34:27
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of that online.
34:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that you know, online in general
34:32
Speaker 2: is just such a heightened highlight reel. So, as far
34:37
Speaker 2: as to go back to what you're saying about feeling stuck,
34:39
Speaker 2: I think it's important to grieve it, feel your feelings,
34:42
Speaker 2: be aware of your habits as to what you're doing
34:44
Speaker 2: to not feel your feelings because the only way out
34:47
Speaker 2: is through, and a lot of people don't want to
34:49
Speaker 2: fully go through it. So if you go through it enough,
34:52
Speaker 2: you're going to say, now, what do I need to do?
34:55
Speaker 2: Still enough? Or sometimes you need to be on your
34:57
Speaker 2: knees to whatever you believe and be like show me,
35:00
Speaker 2: and then it's about listening, right instead of feeling like
35:03
Speaker 2: I need a manifest and manifest and manifest and I
35:06
Speaker 2: need to manifest what I want. And I just think
35:08
Speaker 2: that there are oftentimes things that we think we want
35:10
Speaker 2: that we look back in retrospect and we'll say, whoa,
35:13
Speaker 2: thank you God, thank God that didn't happen.
35:15
Speaker 1: Okay, So question about that, Because you are such a
35:18
Speaker 1: tenacious person, what's the line for you in terms of
35:22
Speaker 1: like when to be knocking down these doors and when
35:25
Speaker 1: it's a sign.
35:27
Speaker 2: I am really good at listening, right, So it's a
35:31
Speaker 2: gut instinct. I just I'm very intuitive and I'm very empathic,
35:37
Speaker 2: so that helps, and that took a while to cultivate
35:40
Speaker 2: and be open too. But I will push things to
35:43
Speaker 2: a certain degree, and I have held on to things
35:46
Speaker 2: that were basically dying and be like, yes, this is
35:49
Speaker 2: going to work, and then been devastated when it didn't.
35:53
Speaker 2: But I know now not to hold on so tight.
35:57
Speaker 2: And I also get signs if something's not working and
36:00
Speaker 2: pay attention to that more instead of trying to will
36:04
Speaker 2: it right. There's certain things Yeah you're going to have
36:07
Speaker 2: to go through hardship, or yeah that's going to be
36:09
Speaker 2: a struggle, or yeah that's part of the process. And
36:11
Speaker 2: then there's another thing like this isn't for you. Shift
36:16
Speaker 2: look at it differently, and I think we have this
36:19
Speaker 2: idea or I have like, well, I'm right about this thing.
36:22
Speaker 2: I remember I decided to take a job on General Hospital.
36:25
Speaker 2: I was offered a role on it, and I had
36:28
Speaker 2: done you know, a bunch of TV and some film
36:30
Speaker 2: and things like that, and I had this idea that
36:33
Speaker 2: it was like maybe a step backwards where it wasn't right.
36:37
Speaker 2: So I had to kind of I kind of had
36:39
Speaker 2: to check myself and then be opened to this door
36:43
Speaker 2: and then not sabotage it, right, because a lot of
36:45
Speaker 2: times we can sabotage these opportunities because of what we're
36:49
Speaker 2: how we're choosing to not be not to see it properly.
36:52
Speaker 2: And I just decided to be open and it was
36:54
Speaker 2: one of the best experiences that I had, and it
36:57
Speaker 2: was actually the thing that launched me to get the
36:59
Speaker 2: next big thing. So sometimes we think we need to
37:02
Speaker 2: keep going forward to achieve what we want, when often
37:05
Speaker 2: sometimes there's a side step or a chat chat that
37:08
Speaker 2: is in alignment with what we need.
37:11
Speaker 1: So you said, in the entertainment industry, you can do
37:13
Speaker 1: A and skip B and then suddenly you're at C
37:16
Speaker 1: and it's not a linear career like other industries. I
37:19
Speaker 1: really resonated with that because I never quite know how
37:24
Speaker 1: to tell what to tell people if they ask for advice.
37:28
Speaker 1: There's no one way to do it. I don't feel
37:30
Speaker 1: like I'm there yet, so I don't know if you
37:33
Speaker 1: know if I have the answers. I'm curious how you
37:37
Speaker 1: feel about the curvatures in your life. Has there been
37:42
Speaker 1: a blessing from it and maybe a hardship from it?
37:45
Speaker 2: Well? I think. I think for anyone who takes a path,
37:52
Speaker 2: a creative path, an entrepreneur's path, there's just going to
37:55
Speaker 2: be inevitable highs and lows Versus if you have a
37:57
Speaker 2: job that's more straightforward, you know what it is and
38:01
Speaker 2: you're there for a decade or two.
38:03
Speaker 1: Very rare nowadays, even in a more orward job.
38:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it's about how do we reframe
38:11
Speaker 2: the hardship, how do we learn from it? How do
38:14
Speaker 2: we just suck the marrow of what was good so
38:17
Speaker 2: that we can continue to up level. Yeah, and that
38:20
Speaker 2: is an art, right, that is a practice, because when
38:24
Speaker 2: we're putting ourselves out there, like it's acting and putting
38:27
Speaker 2: myself out there and creating new projects or producing a
38:29
Speaker 2: project and putting myself out there, there's good. Inevitably, you're
38:32
Speaker 2: working with people, so you are dealing with all the
38:35
Speaker 2: different things of the human condition and people's stuff. How
38:39
Speaker 2: do I then use this obstacle, this hurdle as an
38:44
Speaker 2: opportunity and just that mindset because a lot of times,
38:51
Speaker 2: depending on your conditioning, like my conditioning was definitely like
38:53
Speaker 2: a victim mentality, like oh woe is me? This bad
38:56
Speaker 2: thing happened? Why did this bad thing happen? And I
38:58
Speaker 2: do think it's worth looking at like, well, this bad
39:00
Speaker 2: sort of thing keeps happening to me. It's like, well,
39:02
Speaker 2: then that's your pattern and that's about you, and that's
39:04
Speaker 2: about for you to learn to grow bigger than your problem.
39:07
Speaker 1: This is tangential, But I remember one of the first
39:10
Speaker 1: times that we had the opportunity to speak, I was
39:13
Speaker 1: asking you about what it was like to walk into
39:16
Speaker 1: a room to audition with a bunch of women who
39:20
Speaker 1: look like you, have the same hair color, our dress similarly,
39:24
Speaker 1: and a lot of people will say like, it's very intimidating.
39:27
Speaker 1: And you said that you actually went out of your
39:29
Speaker 1: way to create collaboration over competition, and you befriended the
39:35
Speaker 1: women that you were quote unquote competing against, and you
39:38
Speaker 1: guys like formed a crew. Yeah, that's was the beginning
39:41
Speaker 1: of the the goal group stuff.
39:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, I would find like minded people that
39:46
Speaker 2: I thought were just awesome, and I needed to be
39:49
Speaker 2: so laser focused to get work that I wasn't really
39:53
Speaker 2: paying attention to everybody else. Like I wasn't looking to
39:55
Speaker 2: see you who got that job that I didn't get.
39:57
Speaker 2: I was like, it wasn't meant to be mine. I
39:58
Speaker 2: got to go on to the next I was competing
40:00
Speaker 2: more with me than I was with this idea of
40:03
Speaker 2: like I needed to be I need to beat out her.
40:06
Speaker 1: If you did ever feel envy jealousy, what did you
40:10
Speaker 1: think of Well.
40:11
Speaker 2: Of course I had periods of time with different things
40:14
Speaker 2: of being you know, envious or jealous, i'd be lying.
40:17
Speaker 1: I think we all do. I ask because I have
40:20
Speaker 1: an image in my mind. Every time I feel myself
40:24
Speaker 1: going there, I think two things. I think, one, listen
40:28
Speaker 1: to your envy because it's showing you you want something,
40:30
Speaker 1: and that's okay. And then two, I think of an
40:33
Speaker 1: image of I don't know what it's called, but like
40:35
Speaker 1: those men on horses that compete, they probably just run
40:39
Speaker 1: a jockey, and if the jockeys look left or right,
40:42
Speaker 1: the horse falls and they lose the rights. They have
40:44
Speaker 1: to look straight. And I constantly think of that. So
40:48
Speaker 1: I guess I'm wondering if you had something that you
40:50
Speaker 1: would go to instead it, because I know you're not.
40:54
Speaker 1: You're a full hearted person, so like, what do you
40:57
Speaker 1: go to?
40:58
Speaker 2: Well? I love that those are beautiful analogy. Well, I know,
41:00
Speaker 2: like Louise Hay talks about in her book You Can
41:02
Speaker 2: Heal Your Life, she talks about how envies more negative
41:06
Speaker 2: jealousy is an indicator, right, It is an opportunity to
41:09
Speaker 2: see like, oh I want that, and it can guide us.
41:13
Speaker 1: Right.
41:13
Speaker 2: So I think in team sports versus individual sports, your
41:17
Speaker 2: best player pushes you, right. Why. I also in the
41:20
Speaker 2: like Mastermind Goal Group. It's like someone else's success inspires
41:24
Speaker 2: me to have more success or it makes me see,
41:26
Speaker 2: oh that's possible. So as far as seeing somebody else
41:30
Speaker 2: who's who I'm jealous of, you know, sometimes you just
41:33
Speaker 2: need to feel those feelings and get it out, and
41:36
Speaker 2: it's it's literally just sometimes the wounding of the younger
41:40
Speaker 2: self saying, you know, I wasn't seen, I wasn't heard,
41:43
Speaker 2: I was bullied, I was whatever. You know, my mother
41:46
Speaker 2: said this or whatever. The thing is the story and
41:49
Speaker 2: give that space to that little girl who needs to
41:52
Speaker 2: feel those feelings. Because usually my therapist said, I love this.
41:56
Speaker 2: She said, the bigger the reaction, the older the wound.
41:59
Speaker 1: I really like that. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah,
42:02
Speaker 1: were you ever attracted to the wrong types of guys
42:05
Speaker 1: in LA? Let me preface this question. I look at
42:09
Speaker 1: you and your husband, and I think you have a
42:10
Speaker 1: really beautiful love story. I don't know the ins and
42:13
Speaker 1: outs of your relationship, but it seems honest and grounded
42:17
Speaker 1: and very real. Yeah, and you both work in the industry,
42:22
Speaker 1: and so I think that LA kind of has a
42:25
Speaker 1: bad reputation when it comes to love or Hollywood, and
42:29
Speaker 1: you found it and so tell me about your path
42:33
Speaker 1: to that.
42:34
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, I think like there's so many
42:37
Speaker 2: circles of people, types of people like everyone that we
42:41
Speaker 2: know basically in a really awesome relationship. Now that doesn't
42:45
Speaker 2: mean that they don't have hardship and they're not going
42:47
Speaker 2: through personal issues or professional issues. And people that are
42:50
Speaker 2: on shows and they're spouse to something like so it's
42:53
Speaker 2: like I'm attracted to that. But when I was younger
42:57
Speaker 2: dealing with the just all those out there, and you know,
43:02
Speaker 2: I think that there was a thing that my friend's mom,
43:05
Speaker 2: who's a therapist, said to me. She said, you and
43:08
Speaker 2: your friend, She's like, men pick you, You don't pick that.
43:14
Speaker 2: And I'd never heard of that before, you know, and
43:16
Speaker 2: I never thought of it before. And I think having
43:19
Speaker 2: a little more discernment in who you choose to date.
43:22
Speaker 2: You know, another girlfriend of mine who she said that
43:25
Speaker 2: her godmother said, you can't choose who you fall in
43:28
Speaker 2: love with, but you can choose who you go out with.
43:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I think that.
43:32
Speaker 2: There is something to that, like understanding someone's character. And
43:36
Speaker 2: I think a lot of the things that we are
43:39
Speaker 2: kind of brainwashed in the media to care about, as
43:41
Speaker 2: far as relationship is just wildly inaccurate, and she really
43:45
Speaker 2: should just be viewed as entertainment purposes only, not as
43:48
Speaker 2: something that should be a lesson for us to try
43:50
Speaker 2: and reflect in our lives. You know, it doesn't matter
43:53
Speaker 2: if you love the same rock band, doesn't. What really
43:56
Speaker 2: matters in partnership I have found is you're running a
44:00
Speaker 2: business together, and then if you throw a kid in there,
44:03
Speaker 2: you're running a business. Plus you're helping raise a little
44:05
Speaker 2: humans values. So if your values are not on the
44:08
Speaker 2: same page, don't go out.
44:11
Speaker 1: That's pretty interesting because I think you get a lot
44:15
Speaker 1: of advice from people that say, like, just experience, go
44:19
Speaker 1: on the date, try anything, and I think you're onto
44:22
Speaker 1: something because it's very easy to fall in love with
44:24
Speaker 1: the wrong person.
44:26
Speaker 2: I think it's very easy in a TikTok world, in
44:30
Speaker 2: a swipe world to just be like, ooh, I love
44:32
Speaker 2: his muscles. It's like great, but do you have anything
44:35
Speaker 2: in common? Do you have any of the same values.
44:38
Speaker 2: And so I'm not saying disregard looks at all, but
44:41
Speaker 2: if you read any of like Alison Armstrong's materials, which
44:44
Speaker 2: are amazing on gender dynamics, it's less about esthetic and
44:48
Speaker 2: more about like what does your soul want? Because that part, yes,
44:51
Speaker 2: you of course need to be attracted to the person,
44:53
Speaker 2: but to what degree. Now, I'm not saying don't be open,
44:58
Speaker 2: because it's like it's almost like I'm saying two things,
45:00
Speaker 2: because I'm saying be picky in paying attention, but I'm
45:04
Speaker 2: also not saying don't shut down doors based on thinking
45:07
Speaker 2: you know what you need, because if you knew what
45:10
Speaker 2: you needed, you'd be with that person already. I'd gone
45:13
Speaker 2: through a slew of different relationships and really long term
45:16
Speaker 2: monogamous relationships, but a lot of them I had the
45:19
Speaker 2: upper hand, and I think I did that in order
45:21
Speaker 2: to be safe, and I wanted to focus on my
45:24
Speaker 2: career and I didn't want to feel like I needed
45:26
Speaker 2: to go get married and have children in two seconds, right,
45:30
Speaker 2: So I was like not ready for that, So I
45:32
Speaker 2: wasn't seeking out people that were ready for that. I'm
45:35
Speaker 2: able to look at it now in retrospect, And I
45:38
Speaker 2: was auditioning all the time, I was working all the
45:40
Speaker 2: time as an actress, I was doing a bunch of
45:41
Speaker 2: different things, so I didn't really have a lot of
45:44
Speaker 2: time for a relationship. When I hit my early thirties,
45:49
Speaker 2: and I was like, I want a family, which kind.
45:52
Speaker 1: Of hit me.
45:53
Speaker 2: I decided to date way more consciously, and I think,
45:59
Speaker 2: you know, there's this great time talk called why thirty
46:01
Speaker 2: is not the new twenty. There is this kind of
46:04
Speaker 2: myth that like your twenties don't really count, just go explore,
46:07
Speaker 2: and it's like, that's actually the prime time to really
46:11
Speaker 2: pick a lane and excel. And in your thirties, especially
46:15
Speaker 2: for a woman, if you want to have a family,
46:17
Speaker 2: it's a really difficult time to be like, I'm trying
46:19
Speaker 2: to get my career to the next level and I
46:20
Speaker 2: want to have a family and I need to find somebody.
46:23
Speaker 2: It gets very scary, and I've seen a lot of
46:26
Speaker 2: friends really struggle in their thirties. I really do think
46:29
Speaker 2: there's only so much battle scars and wounds and heartbreak
46:33
Speaker 2: one can take before they're just heart closes. And there
46:38
Speaker 2: takes so much work and so much working through your
46:42
Speaker 2: trauma be able to be ready to be in a
46:45
Speaker 2: real relationship and so a healthy relationship. And if you
46:49
Speaker 2: have never had real relationship experience, or if one hasn't
46:51
Speaker 2: really had relationship experience, then it's a lot to learn
46:55
Speaker 2: really fast.
46:56
Speaker 1: Okay, we have some rapid fire. Okay, what is a
47:00
Speaker 1: book that changed your life, something you think everybody should read.
47:03
Speaker 2: I think what was one of the first was the
47:06
Speaker 2: Luis Hey You Can Heal your Life. That was a
47:09
Speaker 2: big That book came to me and I was very
47:11
Speaker 2: young and it was a big like awakening for me.
47:14
Speaker 1: Okay, since we're not in person, you just tell me
47:16
Speaker 1: when to stop stop. What game have you spent the
47:20
Speaker 1: most hours playing.
47:21
Speaker 2: The game of life?
47:25
Speaker 1: That's good.
47:26
Speaker 2: I'm not a big board gamer game person.
47:29
Speaker 1: What is the smartest decision you've ever made?
47:32
Speaker 2: Marry my husband?
47:33
Speaker 1: That's so sweet.
47:34
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you so much.
47:41
Speaker 1: Okay, you know what time it is. Today's a good day.
47:45
Speaker 1: To have a good day. I'll see you next week.