Latest / Heart Check Podcast / 5 Biblical Principles for Dating (Most Christians Ignore #3)

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5 Biblical Principles for Dating (Most Christians Ignore #3) · Heart Check Podcast

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  If you are single and lonely, or if you're single and thriving.
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  If you're dating but unsure what's next.
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  If you're dating but you know that you want to be married one
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  day. If you're pursuing marriage in a
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  relationship, or maybe you're thinking I don't even know if I
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  want to be married one day, this episode's for you.
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  Yo, what's up, everybody? Welcome back to Heart Check
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  podcast. I'm your host, Pastelos.
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  Yeah, let's go. Hey, man, I'm so excited to be
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  back with you guys. My Heart Check community.
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  I love you. I'm praying for you.
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  I'm excited about this episode. We are going to be talking about
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  dating, what it looks like to follow Jesus and pursue a
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  relationship that honors him, that reflects him.
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  How to do this in a biblical way.
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  This is a question. This is a season of life that I
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  am involved in a lot. As I've told you guys before, I
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  am a local church pastor, but specifically I'm a young adults
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  pastor. So I have worked with young
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  people for a very long time and this is a constant conversation
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  as us pastors laugh. This is a once a year, maybe
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  twice a year sermon series that has to happen because this is
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  the season of life that they are in.
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  So if you are in this season of life, if you are someone who is
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  single and maybe lost and confused or single or lonely and
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  feeling like God has left you to just figure this thing out that
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  you have a desire for, but nothing's happening, there ain't
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  no guys, man. I show up.
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  Ain't no guys in this church. Ain't no guys in this ministry.
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  I'm a part of, man. I feel like I'm never gonna find
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  a man who loves Jesus and who loves me and wants to pursue
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  marriage. If you're in that season or
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  maybe you're in a relationship right now, maybe you're dating
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  that guy or girl who you could possibly see being your wife or
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  husband one day. But there's some things you're
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  still trying to figure out. You're still trying to learn
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  what it looks like to date with purpose as a follower of Jesus,
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  to keep Jesus the center of your relationship, to honor him and
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  everything you guys say, think, or do with one another.
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  And maybe you guys are talking about marriage.
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  Maybe you're in a place where marriage is kind of where we're
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  at. Like, come on, my dog.
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  The ring should be getting on my finger.
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  We've been together. You met my parents, you met my,
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  I met yours. You I met my family, I met
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  yours. When is this progressing to the
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  next step? It feels like we're kind of
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  stuck. Or maybe you're in a season
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  where it's like, I don't know if I even ever want to be married.
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  I'm single and thriving. I am enjoying this season of
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  life God has me. And I don't know if that's even
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  something I want to pursue because maybe you've been in the
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  church for most of your life. And it feels like if I don't get
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  married, I'm not really being who God calls me to be, which is
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  not from the scriptures, which is not from God.
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  And so we'll hit on that as well and dive into that conversation.
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  So I'm excited for you guys to be with me.
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  This is a conversation I love to have.
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  I think it's a very important conversation if you are in any
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  of those categories or maybe in one that I didn't even mention.
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  I'm so grateful you're here. I pray that this episode blesses
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  you, but also gives you a little bit of a framework to what this
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  looks like to live out biblical principles when it comes to the
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  world of dating. Because sometimes what happens
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  is the world in the way that the world dates, infiltrates the
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  church. And sometimes we go out and
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  about and we date in a way that doesn't really reflect God.
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  That isn't really who he calls us to be in a relationship.
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  Or we pursue things in ways that is not honoring him.
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  Or maybe we're hanging out with groups of people who are saying
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  to you and giving you this counsel that's like no man
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  dating this. Well, you should come on, hit
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  that girl. Let's go to the clubs.
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  Let's go to the bars. Let's go find who you're looking
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  for. All of these things that are
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  coming your way, you're on dating apps, you're, you are
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  scrolling on social media, you're sliding in DMS, you're
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  doing whatever you can in this world you're in to pursue this
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  thing that you have a desire for.
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  And again, guys, this desire that you have is true.
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  It's, it's in there and that's okay.
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  That's not a bad thing, but maybe we're wondering, how do we
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  go about this in a way that reflects Jesus, That I can honor
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  him and really be who he calls me to be, even in the way I
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  pursue a woman or in the way I pursue a man.
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  What does this look like for me to be a representative of Jesus
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  in the world of dating? So I'm excited to dive into
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  this. But before we dive in, let's
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  redefine something, OK? This is something I talk about a
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  lot when I talk about this topic of dating and relationships and
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  pursuing marriage. When I say dating, it's funny
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  because I'll go up to some of my young adults when I'm having
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  this conversation or people I'm I'm talking with about this.
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  And I say when I use the word dating, what do you think dating
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  means? And it's funny because most of
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  the time when I ask that question, the response is, well,
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  it means, you know, that's my boyfriend, that's my girlfriend.
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  We're in a relationship. We're we're kind of hanging out.
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  We're, you know, holding hands, we're going to movies.
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  Maybe we're, you know, meeting each other's parents or we're
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  stepping into that place. When I asked that question, when
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  people here dating, they automatically have a label of
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  boyfriend, girlfriend are in a relationship.
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  And so I want to redefine something because when I say
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  dating, when I'm going to use this word dating in this
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  episode, I'm not talking about being a boyfriend or girlfriend
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  automatically. We should be able to date
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  without a commitment, without ownership, without even an
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  emotional marriage going on right away from the jump.
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  I think too quickly the world makes it feel like, well, you
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  just went on a date with someone, so you need to label it
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  and figure it out now. Like it needs to be something
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  that is boyfriend, girlfriend, get into it, make it happen.
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  We kind of move very quickly rather than patiently and moving
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  with wisdom and intentionality. And so if you're a follower of
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  Jesus, dating looks like you pursuing someone in a purposeful
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  way. I use the word and the word I
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  use when we're talking about dating, You know, 'cause I'm a
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  pastor. I like my alliterations.
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  Dating is a purposeful pursuit to determine if this someone is
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  worth pursuing toward covenant. So dating is me even figuring
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  out if I even want to step into a relationship with this person,
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  if I want to ask them to be my boyfriend or girlfriend.
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  Before we even get to labels, before we even get to a
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  commitment of a relationship, we're dating each other.
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  We're getting to know one another.
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  Too many times, guys, people hop into a labeled relationship
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  commitment when they don't even know each other yet.
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  They don't even know if their values align.
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  They don't even know if they're committed to the same thing.
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  They don't even know if they're going to be good together.
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  But they may be hooked up in a way when they first met that
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  made them feel like they got to be together.
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  Maybe they shared an emotional connection in a way that makes
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  them feel like they got to move quick.
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  Maybe there's people in their lives that's putting pressure on
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  them to make this move in a certain way rather than moving
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  with the Holy Spirit, moving with God's timing, not their
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  own. And so I, I really want to speak
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  that over and over again. Guys, dating is not a boyfriend
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  and girlfriend automatic thing. Dating looks like hey, let's go
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  out and get coffee. Hey, let's go out to lunch.
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  Let's talk about each other. Let's do some heart checks and
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  learn about one another. Let's hear each other's stories.
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  Let me learn about your likes and dislikes.
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  Let me see who this person is and get to know them first for a
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  little while before we put the commitment of boyfriend
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  girlfriend on. And why that is guys is because
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  as a believer, once boyfriend, girlfriend gets labeled, you are
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  now dating with purposeful pursuit towards marriage,
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  towards a covenant. So now everything you say, think
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  or do within that relationship is gonna flow from a foundation
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  of what would God think about this?
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  Who does God call us to be? Who does God call me to be in
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  this relationship as the boyfriend?
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  Who does God call me to be in this relationship as the
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  girlfriend? Who am I striving to become
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  within this relationship I'm in? And that sounds like heavy
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  language. But again, the reason why is
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  we've made boyfriend girlfriend relationships be something that
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  has no purpose to it. So you go up to these couples
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  and I've done this before. What's up man?
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  How long you guys been dating? Oh, we've been together for, you
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  know, a year, a few years. Oh, it's amazing.
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  So, like, what's next? I don't know.
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  Are you guys looking to, you know, get engaged soon?
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  Are you looking for marriage? No, we're just, we're just
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  hanging out. There should be No, no, we're
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  just hanging out years, months into a relationship that should
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  be established prior to becoming boyfriend, girlfriend.
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  Are you even on the same page with the person you're dating?
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  Are they wanting marriage? Are you wanting marriage?
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  Are you looking for this to be Christ centered?
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  Are you looking to raise your kids up in the church and teach
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  them about Jesus? Are you aligned in the things
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  that last, not the things that are quick and draws towards each
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  other? I'm not saying being physically
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  attracted to the person you're dating is a bad thing.
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  That is something that's OK to have.
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  I want to be physically attracted to the person I'm
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  pursuing. That's not a bad thing.
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  But if that's the main thing and that's the first thing and
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  that's the reason why you're in this thing, that thing ain't
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  gonna last very long. Your relationship should be
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  established on things that are beyond temporary things, eternal
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  things, things that are from God, that are biblical, that are
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  firm on Jesus and his truth that we should be aligned with stuff
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  that's purposeful. And so that's why I wanted to
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  first touch on this guy's dating does not mean we just pop into a
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  relationship quickly because we think that's what we're supposed
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  to do. Because now you've labeled
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  something that now you're in and you feel committed to when you
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  both don't even know if this is something you are pursuing
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  together. The the means to the end.
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  What does this look like? Are we pursuing marriage?
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  Are we pursuing what we want to what, how many kids we want?
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  Are we pursuing what type of jobs we want to do, where we
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  want to live? Are you guys even having those
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  conversations? Because I think too quickly we
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  get into something and now we're trying to play catch up and
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  we're trying to have those conversations when we've already
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  been in a relationship for so long now.
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  And now we have spiritual ties. Now we have emotional ties now
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  we have done life together in this way for so long that now
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  when we get to this place and we're having these conversations
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  that we should have had before making a commitment of
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  boyfriend, girlfriend, now it hurts more.
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  Now this is a wound that's really hard now.
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  This is something I'm figuring out, do I step away from, and
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  it's carrying so much more weight because now I'm having
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  conversations I should have had before I even got into this.
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  Somewhere along the way, guys, we skipped the stage of talking,
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  dating, getting to know one another before we make the
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  commitment of a relationship. I remember when I gave my life
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  to Jesus, everything changed for me.
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  Dating was different now. For me, now that I knew Jesus,
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  the way Carlos used to date was not the same.
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  My desires changed, my direction changed, the way I lived
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  changed. My heart wasn't the same.
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  And so I think back even on that when I met my amazing and
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  beautiful wife. And that story is incredible
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  within itself. But I remember something that's
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  always stuck with me. And why I'm saying why these
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  conversations should be taking place before you even become
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  boyfriend and girlfriend is I remember Kelly and I, our first
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  date when I, you know, finally, you know, finally got enough
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  courage to walk up to her. Listen, if you mean my wife,
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  everybody knows my wife. So I'm, you know, Kelly's gonna
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  listen to this my wife listen. Beautiful woman, but she's kind
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  of got that, you know, face that you think she hates me.
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  There's there's no way this, this woman wants to talk to me
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  when I see her, she looks like she's not very happy.
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  And so, you know, it took me a little while.
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  I was a little nervous, you know, to go up to her at church.
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  And so finally, you know, I worked up enough courage and I
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  walked up to her, you know, and I'm like, what's good, Ma?
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  What's good? But no, sorry, I did not do
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  that. She's no, that's not what I did.
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  I walked up, you know, and finally asked her out.
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  And I remember when we went on our first date, we went to our
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  favorite restaurant, Cheddar's, you know, Cheddar's restaurant.
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  And we're sitting there and you know #1 you know, she orders my,
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  she orders my meal. And I'm like, this is wifey, yo.
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  She's let me get the chicken tender platter with extra honey
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  mustard with the fries and the cheddar broccoli Cass.
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  I was like, yo, this is the one. But in all seriousness, we start
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  talking and what was crazy to me was this was really my first
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  serious day I had been on since I became a believer.
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  I was single. I got, you know, I was single
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  for two years after I got saved. And here I am sitting with this
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  woman who's beautiful, who's amazing, who clearly loves
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  Jesus. But what does this look like
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  now? To date as a believer, to date
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  as someone who loves Jesus? How do I honor him in this?
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  And I remember again, she's my wife, which is incredible how
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  God works in that way, where our first date, we weren't playing
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  no games. We talked about everything.
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  We talked about our own struggles.
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  We talked about who we were, not just who we were in the surface
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  level, but really who we were. We asked hard questions, we
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  talked about hard things. We really spoke on our lives and
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  who we were and who God was to us.
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  And to even connect spiritually in that way.
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  It was so cool because to me, it was like no other date I had
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  ever been on that I could open up in a way with a woman and be
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  honest and serious about things that normally I would never even
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  talk about. But even that, again, not to
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  just use that as the example because that's my wife and God
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  had called us together. But I want to bring that up
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  because I think sometimes we go on these dates and I know some
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  of us are introverts and I know this sounds like you want me to
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  talk about. I'm not saying you got to share
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  your deepest, darkest sins with the person you're going on your
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  first date with, but have questions lined up like have
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  those non negotiables. Pray through those things that
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  are like this is pray those specific prayers.
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  As we've talked about these last two episodes, Pray those
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  specific prayers about what you're looking for in your
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  future spouse. Talk with God about that.
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  Write those things down. Know that these are the things
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  that are non negotiables for me and these are the things that
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  I'm looking for and don't make that non negotiable list, you
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  know, be a long scroll that you know, rolls out.
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  All right, ladies, you know, I don't don't you know, come on,
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  help us guys out. I know our you know, it takes
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  longer for our frontal lobes to develop, but you know, help us
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  out. But again, like have those
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  things that, you know, these are non negotiables.
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  This is what I'm looking for in a future husband.
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  This is what I'm looking for in a future wife.
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  That is good things to pray through and know that you are
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  stepping into. And so Kelly had those things.
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  She was hitting me with those questions.
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  But what was cool is we locked in because we could tell both of
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  us were purposeful in this. This wasn't us just going to
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  Cheddar's just to kind of figure out, oh, do I like you?
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  Let's play the little I'll write you and no, you like me, Yes or
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  no, no, no, this was like we, we both want to be married.
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  That's what we're looking for. We both love Jesus.
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  We are in a place where this is what our desire is.
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  This is what we're looking for. And so we're not playing games.
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  We're going to have those hard conversations because if you
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  don't have them now, guys, you're going to have them six
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  months later when now maybe you've stepped into things
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  sexually with each other and now you've said, oh, we're going to
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  be married. Oh, we love each other and now a
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  conversation comes up and it's actually a non negotiable for
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  you. And now you're trying to figure
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  out what this looks like to break up with this person who
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  you thought you were going to marry.
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  Because now you're having a conversation that you should
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  have had six months ago before you even became boyfriend and
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  girlfriend. Have those conversations, ask
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  who they are, get to know each other.
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  This is why I say guys dating doesn't mean automatic boyfriend
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  girlfriend go on dates, go to the coffee shop, go to lunch.
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  That is OK. The dating phase is to figure
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  out, is this even someone I want to step into a commitment in?
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  Because once I step into that commitment, boyfriend
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  girlfriend. And again guys, this is the
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  godly counsel I want to give to you.
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  When you step into boyfriend girlfriend commitment, you are
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  now dating for the end goal of marriage.
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  If you are a boyfriend girlfriend, and you guys both
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  don't want marriage, then what are you dating for?
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  Are you dating to just enjoy each other sexually, to get some
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  things you want to get out of it?
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  Are you dating because this is a void you're trying to fill that
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  only Jesus can? Are you dating to get attention
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  that you want to receive from another person?
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  Rather than finding that purpose in Christ, we have to date with
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  purpose, purpose of marriage, because if we don't, this is how
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  we get caught up in having baggage that now is going to be
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  with us. Some hurt, some wounds.
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  And hear me clearly guys, God redeems.
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  God has redeemed in my wife and his life with the life that we
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  live. God has done incredible
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  redemption work in both of our lives and then brought us
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  together in a holy matrimony. Now in a covenant, we have a
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  family. Has it been perfect?
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  Not at all. But has it been centered on
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  Jesus? 100% in the UPS and the downs.
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  But we were purposeful in our pursuit together.
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  We got to be locked in together. So if you're not locked in
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  together, then why are you even stepping into a relationship
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  then? So dating, somewhere along the
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  line, we skip this stage of talking, just getting to know
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  one another. Now it's talking.
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  We're automatically attached. Attached.
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  We're acting married. And now you're acting married.
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  And you know what ends up happening?
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  Heartbreak. We've forgotten how to date with
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  purpose. That's why this episode is
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  called purposeful pursuit. Because if we are pursuing a
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  relationship when we're pursuing dating, it should have purpose
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  because the God you worship is a purposeful God.
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  He is not a God of chaos. He is not a God of disorder.
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  He's not a God with just. Yeah, figure it out.
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  Don't know really what this is for or why I'm doing it.
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  No, we follow Jesus, and Jesus is purposeful in our lives.
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  So everything we say, think or do should flow from a place of
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  purpose. That's what we seek to do, even
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  in dating. I just want to hammer that in
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  for us guys, because this is so important.
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  Because for me, everything shifted when I met Kelly.
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  When I gave my life to Jesus, dating was not what it used to
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  be. What was different is it?
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  It wasn't chemistry first. It was Christ first.
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  Christ was #1 for Kelly and I. So it wasn't first about
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  chemistry with each other. It was about Christ 1st and then
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  the chemistry. But too many times we have that
• 19:59
  flipped where we're looking for that chemistry.
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  We're looking for that sexual connection rather than does this
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  person love Jesus with all. His or hers heart, mind, soul,
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  and strength. Have they declared Jesus not
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  just savior of their life, but Lord of their life?
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  That their lives are centered on Jesus?
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  That they're going to lead me well, That they're going to pour
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  Christ in me? That they're going to not be
• 20:27
  perfect, but they're surrendered to Jesus?
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  Those are the things that we're trying to connect on.
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  Christ is what we want to connect on 1st, not chemistry.
• 20:38
  That changes everything. But before we even go further, I
• 20:44
  want to first touch on that. Let me clear something up that I
• 20:48
  think sadly in the church, this has not been done well.
• 20:53
  Marriage is not the goal of Christianity.
• 20:56
  I think sometimes it feels like marriage is the end all be all
• 21:01
  that. If you're not married, if you
• 21:02
  don't end up in a marriage and have a family, man, you're
• 21:05
  really missing out. You're really not living out
• 21:08
  God's purpose in your life. That is not biblical truth.
• 21:13
  That is not from God. Am I grateful for a marriage?
• 21:17
  Was that a desire of mine? 100% that is a desire I had.
• 21:21
  That's what I felt like I wanted to do in my life.
• 21:24
  I wanted to become a husband. I wanted to become a father.
• 21:27
  That was a desire of mine, of mine.
• 21:31
  And then I linked up first with his desires and he bless that
• 21:35
  desire. He allowed that to happen.
• 21:38
  He led me into that. But I think too many times it
• 21:41
  feels like marriage is the goal. If you're a follower of Jesus,
• 21:45
  you have to get married. Even in the pastoral realm, it
• 21:49
  feels like if you're not married, you can't even get a
• 21:51
  pastor position in a church if you don't have a wife or a
• 21:54
  husband. And so I just want to hit on
• 21:56
  that. Marriage is not the goal of
• 21:57
  Christianity. In fact, Scripture says
• 22:00
  singleness can be a gift because of the freedom and it gives to
• 22:04
  you to serve God wholeheartedly. I love this because Paul says in
• 22:12
  First Corinthians Chapter 7, verse 32, and we'll go through
• 22:17
  verse 35. And something I want to say real
• 22:18
  quick, my cousin Carly, I love you.
• 22:20
  She texted me and said, what biblical translation do I read?
• 22:24
  So for those who've been following along this podcast,
• 22:27
  and maybe sometimes you're like, what translation does Pastor
• 22:30
  Lois read? I read from NLT, that's my
• 22:33
  favorite one. That's the one we do at our
• 22:34
  church. So New Living Translation is the
• 22:36
  translation I am always reading from.
• 22:39
  So if you want to know that when you follow along, that is the
• 22:42
  translation I'm in. So First Corinthians Chapter 7,
• 22:45
  verse 32 through 35, Paul says this about singleness.
• 22:49
  He says, I want you to be free from the concerns of this life.
• 22:53
  An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and
• 22:57
  thinking how to please him, but a married man has to think about
• 23:03
  his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife.
• 23:07
  His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is
• 23:11
  no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to
• 23:14
  the Lord and wholly in body and in spirit, but a married woman
• 23:20
  has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to
• 23:22
  please her husband. I'm saying this for your
• 23:25
  benefit, not to place restrictions on you.
• 23:28
  I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best
• 23:31
  with as few distractions as possible.
• 23:34
  So early in this chapter, I want to say this first.
• 23:37
  Paul says, hey, I don't have a word from the Lord on this, but
• 23:42
  I want to give you my opinion, my counsel on that.
• 23:46
  So Paul starts off with this. This isn't this isn't gospel.
• 23:49
  This isn't from the Lord, from the Spirit.
• 23:52
  This is truly my opinion. And in my experience, when it
• 23:56
  comes to marriage or comes to singleness, and I love how Paul
• 23:59
  does it, he's just honest. This is my godly counsel,
• 24:03
  honest. It's not from God, but it's
• 24:05
  something that I have experienced that I've seen.
• 24:07
  And this is my opinion when it comes to singleness or marriage.
• 24:11
  And he says basically he touches on when a man's married or a
• 24:14
  woman's married, their loyalties are divided.
• 24:17
  Now, as I say to people, my, my, the young man I minister over, I
• 24:21
  say to them all the time, when I got married, Jesus is still #1
• 24:26
  but right after Jesus is my wife and then my kids.
• 24:29
  My first ministry isn't to you guys.
• 24:33
  My first ministry is to my family that I have to.
• 24:37
  Now I can't just neglect my wife or kids because, Oh well, I'm
• 24:41
  gonna only be focused on Jesus. Or sometimes it becomes
• 24:44
  unhealthy in ministry because it's, we're saying it's Jesus,
• 24:47
  but really, it's the ministry, it's the job that we get focused
• 24:51
  on. Jesus is #1 but Jesus now calls
• 24:55
  me to also steward and lead my and manage my household.
• 24:59
  Well, that is what I'm called to do now as a husband and father.
• 25:03
  I have responsibilities now as the spiritual leader of my
• 25:07
  household. And so I am pursuing Jesus while
• 25:11
  I'm also pursuing my wife and my kids and spiritually overseeing
• 25:15
  my home. And my loyalties are divided.
• 25:19
  Not that Jesus isn't #1 but I have to figure out now how to
• 25:23
  get my Jesus time in to put Jesus in the center while also
• 25:27
  still focusing on my wife and my kids and the responsibilities of
• 25:31
  my home. So when we step into a marriage,
• 25:35
  when that's a desire, that is what Paul's saying.
• 25:38
  This is something you step into, and there's nothing wrong with
• 25:40
  marriage. Paul's saying marriage is, is
• 25:42
  fine if that's what you want to step into.
• 25:44
  God will bless that and honor that.
• 25:45
  But if you stay single, you actually have the ability to not
• 25:51
  be divided in your time. You can literally serve the Lord
• 25:55
  and do all things for the Kingdom.
• 25:57
  When I was single guys, for those two years, I always say
• 26:00
  this to guys, I love my life, love my wife, love my kids.
• 26:03
  When I was single for two years, I could do whatever I wanted for
• 26:06
  Jesus. I would spend hours praying.
• 26:08
  I'd spend hours in the Word 'cause I had time to.
• 26:13
  I still draw from that well during those two years.
• 26:16
  Sometimes when I'm feeling dry in the future, when I'm in
• 26:20
  seasons of life where I feel like my cup's empty, there's
• 26:23
  times that God fills me up from that well of those two years of
• 26:27
  being on my hands and face, praising Him, seeking Him.
• 26:31
  That's what's so cool about it. There is times that I go back to
• 26:35
  that time period and things that God ministered to me and taught
• 26:38
  me that impacts me today. So you don't even realize that
• 26:44
  that time of singleness and what God's doing in that season that
• 26:48
  he is impacting you and filling you up and filling a well up.
• 26:52
  That's on reserves that you can draw from in seasons when you're
• 26:55
  feeling empty, when you're feeling like, man, why am I in
• 26:58
  this? Why am I doing this?
• 27:00
  Man am I am I, why am I struggling with this?
• 27:03
  God can literally have a well that's at that's in reserves for
• 27:06
  you. That's from a season that you
• 27:08
  really were running after Jesus and your time wasn't divided and
• 27:11
  you were fully serving and serving the Kingdom.
• 27:14
  That is an incredible thing that when you're single, you have
• 27:18
  purpose, purpose for the Lord and you don't have divided time
• 27:21
  that you can go serve. You can serve in many places.
• 27:25
  You can serve your local church, be a part of your community, be
• 27:28
  in the Word, be in prayer, do things for the Kingdom, The
• 27:32
  reason why you're here, to seek God, find God, love God and love
• 27:36
  others. You can do that with all your
• 27:38
  heart, mind, soul, and strength because you don't have earth and
• 27:41
  responsibilities. Again, doesn't mean you don't
• 27:43
  have a job or don't have bills to pay and things like that.
• 27:47
  But what Paul's saying is it's going to take a lot of
• 27:50
  responsibility and a lot of focus and a lot of energy and
• 27:53
  time to be a husband, to be a wife, to be a dad, to be a mom.
• 27:58
  But when you're single, you don't have that.
• 28:00
  You can be fully devoted to the Lord and his work for you.
• 28:05
  So if you're single or if you feel called to singleness and
• 28:09
  you felt this burden and weight that man, I feel like if I don't
• 28:14
  get married, that I'm not really living out who I'm called to be.
• 28:17
  Or it feels like the church is telling me that I need to be or
• 28:19
  my parents are telling me that I need to be.
• 28:20
  And I'm because I'm not really going to be fully happy or
• 28:23
  joyful if I don't find a husband or I don't find a wife.
• 28:26
  Listen, I want to encourage you today.
• 28:30
  Celebrate your singleness right now.
• 28:33
  Celebrate this season of singleness you're in.
• 28:35
  Steward it well and maximize it for the Kingdom.
• 28:39
  Sit with Jesus. Say Jesus, I'm in this season
• 28:42
  right now. If it's a season you don't want
• 28:44
  to be in, or if it's a season you do want to be in, celebrate
• 28:46
  it, steward it, maximize it. Say Jesus, I'm thankful to be in
• 28:50
  this season. Whatever season you're in, God,
• 28:53
  whatever season you're in, guys, praise God for it.
• 28:56
  Say God, I'm thankful for this season.
• 28:58
  How can I honor you and worship you and love you with all of me
• 29:02
  in this season? How can I use this season to be
• 29:05
  devoted to you and your Kingdom purposes over my life?
• 29:09
  So I want to encourage you in that Don't feel this weight
• 29:13
  that's not from the Lord, but from maybe yourself and others
• 29:18
  that's trying to be put on you that God never put on you.
• 29:21
  For God, never put that on you. Celebrate it, steward it and
• 29:26
  maximize it. Guys, enjoy that time of
• 29:29
  singleness. I know I say that for the people
• 29:30
  who have the desire to be single, be single, have the
• 29:33
  desire to be married. It's like, yeah, sure, Pastor Lo
• 29:35
  stinks, I'll celebrate it. Yay, woo.
• 29:38
  Can't find a boyfriend, Can't find a girlfriend.
• 29:42
  Listen, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to downplay that
• 29:45
  desire and that want for that because I also have been there
• 29:48
  before. But I want you to know God's
• 29:51
  timing and God's will is perfect and pleasing and good.
• 29:57
  So just know what's going to happen in his timing because you
• 30:00
  don't want it to happen on yours.
• 30:03
  So this episode is for those who desire marriage, not those
• 30:07
  pressured into it. Don't feel pressured into this,
• 30:12
  but feel led to this. Feel led by your desires, which
• 30:15
  is OK, but then align them first with his.
• 30:18
  So now I want to dive into the five biblical principles for the
• 30:22
  dating period. So we're going to get into this
• 30:25
  and get get into for what it looks like to seek God in the
• 30:30
  realm of dating. To have some biblical principles
• 30:33
  to help guide you and encourage you and bless you and give you a
• 30:36
  framework for what this should look like as a flower of Jesus
• 30:40
  stepping into something that you have a desire for or you don't
• 30:43
  know how to do. And so if marriage is a desire
• 30:46
  in your heart, here are 5 biblical principles for dating
• 30:48
  with purpose #1 heart health. Heart health is the first thing
• 30:56
  when it comes to seeking dating in your life.
• 31:00
  Psalm 37, four says this. Take delight in the Lord and He
• 31:07
  will give you your heart's desires.
• 31:10
  Notice how first it says take delight in the Lord and then he
• 31:15
  will give you your heart's desires.
• 31:18
  Number one thing is heart check in your heart.
• 31:23
  Is your heart spiritually healthy?
• 31:25
  Are you delighting in the Lord above all else?
• 31:28
  Is the desires of your heart flowing from Him because you're
• 31:31
  first delighting in Him. So really, the desires that are
• 31:34
  coming out of your heart are coming from God's desires that
• 31:37
  He's placing in your heart because you're first delighting
• 31:40
  in Him, that you're being led by Him, filled by Him, that the
• 31:43
  desires you have in your heart are actually from God because
• 31:46
  you're delighting in Him first and foremost.
• 31:48
  Or is this just your desires and what you want and what you want
• 31:54
  to happen in your timing? Because before you pursue
• 31:57
  someone, you need to pursue Christ.
• 32:01
  If your heart isn't healthy, dating will expose it.
• 32:06
  If your heart isn't centered on Christ, if you don't have a
• 32:10
  healthy spiritual heart before you even step into dating, if
• 32:15
  Jesus isn't #1 if you're not delighting in him, that's going
• 32:19
  to be what overflows into a relationship, then you're not
• 32:23
  going to be leading from a place of being led by Christ.
• 32:25
  You're going to be led by you, by your flesh, by your wants, by
• 32:28
  your desires. Matthew 621 says wherever your
• 32:33
  treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
• 32:38
  Is your treasure in relationship?
• 32:42
  Is your treasure in someone else?
• 32:44
  Is your treasure only going to be found in that person?
• 32:46
  If I get that boyfriend or that girlfriend, if I get that
• 32:49
  husband or wife, then I'll be happy, then I'll enjoy life.
• 32:54
  Because wherever your treasure is, there your heart is also.
• 32:57
  The desires of your heart will be where you want it to be.
• 33:02
  So is your desires flowing from just what you want that you
• 33:06
  need? Or is your heart and your
• 33:09
  treasure stored up in Christ in heaven?
• 33:13
  Is He number one? Is he the focus?
• 33:15
  Am I spiritually healthy? We have to have a heart health
• 33:20
  check in that we got to check our hearts and say, am I
• 33:23
  spiritually healthy right now? Because if your heart isn't
• 33:25
  healthy, dating will expose it. The questions you need to ask
• 33:30
  yourself before you even step into dating someone or pursuing
• 33:34
  someone, going on those dates, asking a girl out, asking a guy
• 33:38
  out. You first have to ask yourself,
• 33:39
  am I content in Christ right now?
• 33:43
  Am I content in Christ right now?
• 33:45
  As Paul says is the verse that's taken out of context?
• 33:47
  Philippians 413 I can do all things through Christ who
• 33:50
  strengthens me. What Paul is saying is I have
• 33:53
  had a lot and I've had a little. I have had food and I've had no
• 33:56
  food. I have been hungry or I've had
• 33:59
  plenty, but I can do all things, all situations, all
• 34:04
  circumstances, no matter what I'm going through, I can do it
• 34:07
  all through Christ who gives me strength that I'm content in
• 34:12
  Jesus no matter what the situation is, No matter if I'm
• 34:15
  single or I'm in a relationship or I'm pursuing marriage, or I'm
• 34:19
  sitting here just confused and I don't know what I want to do.
• 34:22
  But no matter what, I'm content in Christ and I'm content,
• 34:25
  content Him so much that I'm not worrying about it to where it
• 34:29
  consumes me to where all of my treasure is in it that I'm so
• 34:34
  focused on. I got to get this relationship
• 34:37
  to happen. I want to be in it so bad that
• 34:39
  I'm losing sleep because I'm not getting what I want rather than
• 34:46
  if you got Jesus, you got everything.
• 34:49
  And again, guys, when I say these things, I'm not trying to
• 34:50
  negate your feelings. I've been there.
• 34:53
  I know how I know how empty and lonely it can feel at times when
• 34:57
  you have this desire you really want and you're like, God, why?
• 35:00
  I'm honoring you, I'm loving you, I'm focusing on you and
• 35:03
  this just isn't happening. I want to encourage you.
• 35:06
  You don't know what God is doing and God may be working something
• 35:10
  out. God may be preparing you for
• 35:12
  what's to come. You don't know what he's doing
• 35:15
  behind the scenes. So first and foremost, just be
• 35:18
  content where you're at. Again, maximize that season
• 35:22
  you're in. Celebrate it, steward it, ask
• 35:26
  Jesus. Hey God, I know I really want
• 35:29
  this relationship. I really want to be pursuing
• 35:31
  marriage with someone, but that's not what's happening.
• 35:34
  That's not my reality right now. So how can I best celebrate the
• 35:39
  season you have me in, maximize it and steward it and honor you
• 35:42
  in it? How can I be content in you
• 35:44
  right now? Ask Him those specific
• 35:47
  questions. Because if you're not content in
• 35:49
  Christ, you're going to try to find your contentment in someone
• 35:52
  else. And that's always going to come
• 35:55
  up short because Christ is eternal.
• 35:57
  And that person, sadly, before either your husband or wife, is
• 36:03
  just temporary. That relationship is temporary
• 36:07
  until it's husband and wife. That's a temporary relationship.
• 36:09
  Or if you're trying to find that eternal in them, it's gonna
• 36:13
  always come up short because they're not Jesus.
• 36:16
  So am I content in Christ right now?
• 36:18
  And the second question, ask yourself, when it comes to heart
• 36:21
  health, am I looking for someone to complete what only Jesus can
• 36:26
  fill? Yo, hear this again.
• 36:29
  Please hear this again. Am I looking for someone to
• 36:32
  complete what only Jesus can fill?
• 36:36
  Jesus is the only one who can fill that void in your life.
• 36:40
  That void cannot be filled by a spouse.
• 36:44
  I love my wife. My goodness, Kelly, I love you.
• 36:47
  I know you. Listen, I love you so much.
• 36:48
  I love my wife. I'm so grateful for her.
• 36:50
  I can't even imagine life without her.
• 36:54
  I don't want to. But is Kelly Jesus?
• 36:58
  No. Am I Jesus?
• 37:01
  No way. Only Jesus can be Jesus for
• 37:06
  Kelly, and only Jesus can be Jesus for me.
• 37:09
  Jesus is number one for both of us.
• 37:12
  We say that to each other. Jesus needs to be your first
• 37:14
  priority, not me, because we need to first and foremost be
• 37:19
  completed, be satisfied in Christ, content in him, not
• 37:25
  trying to look to fill these voids or these wounds or this
• 37:28
  emptiness or this loneliness that we have with someone else
• 37:32
  because that someone else will always come up short.
• 37:36
  The reason why we have this chaos that ensues within
• 37:39
  relationships. Sometimes these arguments, these
• 37:42
  people just going crashing out over their breakup or their
• 37:46
  their relationship not being how they want it to be.
• 37:48
  The reason why is because they think that that person's
• 37:50
  supposed to be Jesus for them and they're not Jesus.
• 37:54
  They never will be. You're putting them into a
• 37:57
  category that they never were meant to be in.
• 38:00
  Should your boyfriend or your girlfriend or that person that
• 38:04
  loves Jesus strive to reflect Jesus, be like Jesus 100%.
• 38:08
  But are they Jesus? No.
• 38:10
  Your Lord, your Savior is Jesus. Your Lord and Savior is not your
• 38:14
  boyfriend or your girlfriend. So if all of your chips, all of
• 38:18
  your eggs are in that basket and that basket's your world, and
• 38:22
  then that basket breaks and the eggs fall out, the reason why
• 38:26
  you're crashing out, the reason why you feel so lost, the reason
• 38:29
  why you feel like God, what am I supposed to do is because God
• 38:33
  was not the one who was completing you.
• 38:35
  It was this person. Or was it was this idea of a
• 38:38
  relationship, this marriage is something that I need because if
• 38:41
  I don't have it, I won't be content.
• 38:45
  And if that's where you're at, do not step into a dating
• 38:48
  relationship. Do not even reach out to
• 38:51
  anybody. Do not even try to step into a
• 38:53
  date when you are not content in Christ, when your heart is not
• 38:57
  healthy, spiritually healthy, don't even step into until first
• 39:01
  you can say Jesus is what fills me.
• 39:04
  Jesus is what's number one. I am fully content in Jesus.
• 39:07
  No matter if I have a girl or I don't have a guy, I am good.
• 39:12
  I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
• 39:14
  Be there first and watch how God opens doors.
• 39:19
  When your heart is aligned with His will, your desires begin to
• 39:22
  reflect His desires. It's not yours, it's His because
• 39:26
  you're delighting in Him and it's His timing.
• 39:29
  His will. Your treasure will determine
• 39:32
  your direction. So where are you storing up your
• 39:35
  treasures in your life? What is your focus?
• 39:38
  What is the things that consume you?
• 39:41
  Does marriage dating people consume you or does God?
• 39:46
  Again? Am I content in him first and
• 39:48
  foremost or am I only content if I get what I want?
• 39:52
  If Christ isn't first before dating, he won't magically
• 39:56
  become first in marriage. That is a scary thought.
• 40:02
  You are going to step into a covenant with someone and Jesus
• 40:08
  isn't even first in your life, so now you're in a marriage.
• 40:13
  Well, you're not spiritually healthy when you're not centered
• 40:16
  on Christ. When your marriage in your home
• 40:18
  and your family isn't centered on Jesus because you aren't
• 40:22
  specifically men. I'm speaking to you biblically.
• 40:25
  We're called to be spiritual leaders in our home, and if
• 40:29
  you're not centered on Jesus, he's not number one for you.
• 40:33
  Now you're leading your family from you rather than from
• 40:36
  Christ. As Paul says, follow me as I
• 40:39
  follow Jesus, you should be following Jesus.
• 40:43
  You need to be spiritually healthy.
• 40:45
  You need to be centered on Jesus, young man, before you
• 40:47
  even step into it and act like you're ready to lead a woman and
• 40:51
  lead a family. You're not going to be perfect,
• 40:55
  but you are called to be submitted under Christ's
• 40:58
  Lordship in your life. If you're a follower of Jesus,
• 41:01
  you need to be a man of God. You need to lead by example.
• 41:05
  You need to honor that relationship, but keep it pure
• 41:08
  and holy and righteous and set apart.
• 41:10
  That's on you, young men. So don't even dare bring a
• 41:14
  daughter of God. Don't even dare step into
• 41:17
  something with a sister in Christ If you are not
• 41:19
  spiritually healthy, if you haven't had a heart checked, if
• 41:22
  you haven't asked these questions and made sure your
• 41:25
  heart is healthy, that you are satisfied in Christ.
• 41:28
  You're content in Him, you're led by Him, you're filled up by
• 41:31
  Him, and you're not just trying to fill a void or you're not
• 41:33
  just trying to get some sexual desires that you you want
• 41:36
  because you're in a selfish place.
• 41:39
  Don't wound a sister in Christ because of what you want out of
• 41:43
  a relationship. Be led by Jesus because again,
• 41:48
  guys, if Christ ain't first before dating, he ain't going to
• 41:51
  be first in marriage. Now you got a marriage that's
• 41:55
  built on each other rather than Jesus.
• 41:59
  Heart first always so #1 heart health, but #2 we go from heart
• 42:06
  health. So it's about you first.
• 42:08
  Now we're stepping into our my heart is healthy number two
• 42:12
  thing is salvation status. I love Second Corinthians.
• 42:18
  Second Corinthians chapter 6 verse 14 through 15, Paul says
• 42:23
  this and then listen to this guys for you guys who think you
• 42:27
  can be missionary dating. Second Corinthians chapter 6
• 42:32
  verse 14 through 15, Paul says don't team up with those who are
• 42:36
  unbelievers. How can righteousness be a
• 42:39
  partner with wickedness? How can light live with
• 42:43
  darkness? What harmony can there be
• 42:46
  between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner
• 42:50
  with an unbeliever? You guys, listen to those words
• 42:55
  Paul is saying. We're not supposed to be linked
• 43:00
  covenantally with someone who's not a follower of Jesus.
• 43:03
  How can light live with darkness?
• 43:06
  How can you team up with someone who doesn't believe in Jesus?
• 43:10
  How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness?
• 43:13
  It's an oxymoron. It's contradicting.
• 43:18
  You can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't follow
• 43:23
  Jesus. And hear me clearly guys,
• 43:24
  because there's Scripture and I know Paul in, in what we just
• 43:29
  read in First Corinthians when Paul talks about singleness.
• 43:32
  There is also scripture that talks about if you're in a
• 43:35
  marriage and you get saved or Paul says in First Corinthians,
• 43:38
  you're in a marriage and you get saved.
• 43:40
  Now you're supposed to try to win over your spouse to Jesus
• 43:44
  that you don't just leave your spouse 'cause they're not a
• 43:46
  believer and you just became one.
• 43:47
  No, if you both go into a relationship as unbelievers,
• 43:51
  Paul gives gives counsel on what that should look like if one of
• 43:55
  the spouses get saved. So if the husband gets saved or
• 43:58
  the OR the wife gets saved, what that looks like now in a
• 44:01
  marriage with people who are unequally yoked post marriage.
• 44:07
  But what Paul's saying is this is before again guys, the word
• 44:12
  I'm using dating before you even send Adm or flirt with that
• 44:18
  girl. The question first is does she
• 44:20
  or does he follow Jesus? Do they even believe in Jesus?
• 44:26
  Are they a brother or sister in Christ?
• 44:31
  This is this is number 2 after heart health.
• 44:34
  Are you in a spiritually healthy place?
• 44:36
  But then when you go to pursue that guy or girl, are they even
• 44:40
  pursuing Jesus? Do they even believe in Jesus?
• 44:43
  This is so vital, guys. I see it all the time and all,
• 44:47
  all my young adults are going to be laughing because that's my
• 44:49
  question. My question asked all the time.
• 44:52
  When I know them, I'm doing life with them and I know they're
• 44:54
  spiritually healthy and they say, hey, man, I'm talking to
• 44:57
  this girl, I'm talking to this guy.
• 44:59
  What I do, I look at them and I say, do they believe in Jesus?
• 45:03
  Do they love Jesus? Are they a follower of Jesus?
• 45:07
  That's that's got to be there. You don't step into anything if
• 45:11
  it's not there because what are you trying to do?
• 45:15
  We don't flirt to convert. We don't missionary date out
• 45:18
  here. That's not biblical.
• 45:20
  Paul's saying you don't even step into it.
• 45:23
  If they don't follow Jesus, you guys, you will face storms in
• 45:27
  life. As Jesus says in John 1633.
• 45:31
  You will have trouble in this world.
• 45:33
  But take heart. I have overcome this world.
• 45:36
  It's not a maybe, it's a you will have trouble.
• 45:39
  There will be storms that will come.
• 45:40
  And I always say this, you don't want somebody that you can just
• 45:44
  lay next to. You need somebody that you can
• 45:46
  pray next to, not somebody that I'm just physically enjoying,
• 45:52
  you know, somebody that I'm spiritually aligned with.
• 45:55
  Because you're going to have ups and downs in life.
• 45:57
  You're going to go through hurt and pain.
• 45:59
  You're going to go through loss. You're going to have times in
• 46:02
  life that are very hard. And who are you both relying on?
• 46:08
  Because if one, if it's only 1/2 that's relying on Jesus and the
• 46:12
  other one's not, there's always going to be an imbalance.
• 46:19
  Who? Who do you want your kids to be
• 46:22
  parented by? What kind of ideals and values
• 46:27
  do you want getting poured into your future family?
• 46:30
  Because if someone doesn't believe in Jesus and you do,
• 46:33
  there's gonna be an imbalance. And again, scriptures saying
• 46:37
  don't even step into it in the first place.
• 46:41
  If they do not follow Jesus, you are not the one to try to change
• 46:45
  their heart. Let the Holy Spirit be the Holy
• 46:47
  Spirit. I, I, I don't like the savior
• 46:51
  complex. And I think there's some men and
• 46:56
  women who want to be the savior of people.
• 47:00
  They need the Savior, which is Jesus.
• 47:02
  So point them to him first. And then if that comes back
• 47:07
  around and now they are a follower of Jesus and it's
• 47:10
  within God's timing. Now you can pursue something
• 47:14
  that's going to be spiritually healthy and centered on Jesus
• 47:18
  rather than no, I'm going to start dating them now because
• 47:21
  I'm gonna, I'm gonna get him. I'm gonna get him.
• 47:23
  Watch, watch, watch. I'm gonna have him hang around
• 47:24
  me and then I'm gonna give him Jesus.
• 47:25
  But now all of a sudden you're being LED in a way that's not
• 47:27
  godly and you're wondering why you're in this sin.
• 47:30
  You're wondering why you guys are doing things you shouldn't
• 47:32
  be doing. You're, you're trying to mix
• 47:38
  light with darkness. You're trying to live in harmony
• 47:41
  in a way that will never be harmonized because they don't
• 47:46
  follow Jesus. The person you are dating will
• 47:51
  become your closest friend, your biggest influence in the voice
• 47:57
  you hear most. So if that voice, if that
• 48:01
  influence, if that friend is not filled with the Holy Spirit,
• 48:06
  that's not in God's Word, that's not following Jesus, what voice
• 48:11
  and influence and direction are they giving you?
• 48:15
  Are they influencing you for the Kingdom?
• 48:17
  Are they speaking God's truth over your life?
• 48:20
  Are they leading you while they're led by Christ 'cause if
• 48:26
  it's not any of those things, then that is not someone you
• 48:29
  should be dating as a follower of Jesus.
• 48:32
  I know people don't like to hear this.
• 48:33
  I'm just gonna be real honest about it 'cause scripture says
• 48:36
  so. Be mad at Scripture, be mad at
• 48:39
  the Lord 'cause this is just biblical truth.
• 48:42
  You do not seek somebody and get into a relationship with someone
• 48:45
  that does not follow Jesus if you do.
• 48:48
  Being unequally yoked isn't about superiority.
• 48:53
  It's about spiritual alignment. It's not that I'm better than
• 48:56
  them. It's not that I'm saying, oh,
• 48:57
  you are lesser than me. You can't date me 'cause you
• 48:59
  don't. No, it's, it's actually being
• 49:04
  wise because it's not about that I'm better you.
• 49:07
  I'm looking for spiritual alignment 'cause that's what's
• 49:10
  most important to me. Because when life hits, heart
• 49:15
  agreement in Christ matters. Being centered on Jesus matters.
• 49:20
  Praying together matters. Not just someone to lay next to,
• 49:24
  but someone to pray next to. Someone who's all about Jesus.
• 49:29
  That's who I want to be yoked to for the rest of my life.
• 49:31
  That's who I want to do life, But that's who I want to be.
• 49:33
  My closest friend, my biggest influence.
• 49:36
  The voice that I hear most because I know, as we talked
• 49:41
  about a few episodes ago, Jesus speaks through the Holy Spirit
• 49:45
  in US and leads us into all truth.
• 49:48
  So if the person I'm dating, the person I'm seeking marriage in,
• 49:52
  doesn't have the Holy Spirit in them, who's speaking through
• 49:54
  them? Is it them?
• 49:57
  You want to rely on their counsel?
• 50:00
  You want to rely on their leading?
• 50:02
  Or do you want to be led by Christ?
• 50:04
  Do you want your relationship to be filled up by him?
• 50:06
  And again, if you're a follower of Jesus and he's the Lord of
• 50:08
  your life, that should be a very quick yes and no.
• 50:12
  I do not want to date someone who is not submitted to Jesus,
• 50:16
  that's given their life to him. So first one heart health.
• 50:20
  Second one, salvation status. Third biblical principle for
• 50:25
  dating is character compatibility.
• 50:29
  Proverbs 1320 says this. Walk with the wise and become
• 50:35
  wise. Associate with fools and get in
• 50:39
  trouble. One of my favorite verses.
• 50:42
  Pretty straightforward. You walk with the wise and
• 50:45
  become wise, but you associate with fools, you get in trouble.
• 50:51
  Character compatibility. Are they running towards Jesus
• 50:55
  with you? Are you dragging them along?
• 50:59
  Are you in the same pursuit that's purposeful, that's
• 51:01
  towards Christ, that you're running this race and it's
• 51:04
  someone who comes alongside you and is running it with you, Not
• 51:07
  that you're trying to drag along with you and say, come on, man,
• 51:10
  let's follow God. Let's do this together.
• 51:12
  And they're kind of like, yeah, me kind.
• 51:14
  I kind of want to follow Jesus. I kind of really don't, you
• 51:17
  know, I'm kind of, and I kind of believe in Jesus, but yeah, I
• 51:20
  don't know if I'm faithfully trying to follow him.
• 51:22
  You're unequally yoked. 1st Corinthians 1533 says bad
• 51:26
  company corrupts good character. So first and foremost, if they
• 51:31
  are not compatible in a character way, this is not
• 51:36
  someone you should be pursuing in a relationship.
• 51:38
  You guys should be in the same pursuit of Christ.
• 51:42
  Not stagnant, not lukewarm, not culturally Christian, but
• 51:46
  running towards Jesus. You don't need someone that's
• 51:50
  perfect. So let me repeat that again
• 51:51
  because none of us are. Some people are writing this
• 51:54
  list down and it's like, yeah, no man or woman's ever going to
• 51:56
  fit into that list. That's a perfection list.
• 51:59
  None of us are going to be perfect.
• 52:00
  But you need someone who's progressing towards Jesus.
• 52:04
  If they're just not even seeking Jesus at all and they're kind of
• 52:07
  living this life that's lukewarm, hot and cold, 1 foot
• 52:10
  in, one foot out type of Christianity.
• 52:13
  Yeah, that's not someone who's compatible with you.
• 52:17
  Our character should be compatible.
• 52:19
  We should be running the same race towards Jesus.
• 52:23
  Again, last point with salvation status, someone who's literally
• 52:26
  doesn't believe in Jesus. Now we're going to go a little
• 52:28
  deeper to the person who's maybe in the church body, who shows up
• 52:32
  to church, who's maybe a part of your community or part of your
• 52:35
  small group, or someone who you see at church events and you're
• 52:38
  like, oh, they're at church. So they do, and they say they
• 52:41
  believe in God. But now we're going to go a
• 52:43
  little deeper beneath the surface because I think there's
• 52:47
  people who are in the church who believe in God, as I've talked
• 52:50
  about a few episodes ago, that they say Jesus is their savior,
• 52:54
  but he's not Lord of their life. They're not submitted to his
• 52:58
  authority, that they're kind of 1 foot in, one foot out.
• 53:00
  They're culturally Christian. Well, my parents went to church,
• 53:02
  so I do her. I'm saved because I grew up in
• 53:05
  the church. They've never declared him Lord
• 53:08
  of their life. That they confessed with their
• 53:10
  mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in the heart that God
• 53:12
  raised him from the dead. And now this dramatically
• 53:14
  transformed their life. Not in a perfect way, but you
• 53:18
  can see the fruit in their life. You see the Lovejoy, peace,
• 53:21
  patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness and self-control and
• 53:25
  faithfulness that pours out of their life.
• 53:28
  That you can see they love Jesus.
• 53:30
  That they're running after Jesus submitted to him.
• 53:33
  That they're people who say, yeah, I would love to be
• 53:36
  married, I'd love to be in a relationship, but I'm content in
• 53:38
  Christ. I'm filled up by him.
• 53:39
  You can tell Jesus is number one in their life, that Jesus is
• 53:43
  first priority for them, that he is Lord of their life.
• 53:47
  That they're not just stagnant, but they are purposefully
• 53:50
  pursuing Jesus. So now they could purposely
• 53:53
  pursue a woman or a guy. Are they running the race with
• 53:59
  you or are you dragging them along?
• 54:01
  They shouldn't feel like, man, I love Jesus and I'm trying to run
• 54:04
  after Jesus, but it feels like I'm kind of dragging them to
• 54:08
  church. I'm dragging them to be a part
• 54:09
  of godly community or I'm dragging them to church events.
• 54:12
  It feels like they just don't even really want to be in the
• 54:14
  word. We don't read the Bible
• 54:15
  together. We don't pray together.
• 54:17
  It just feels very blonde kind of going through the motion.
• 54:21
  Christianity. Hear me clearly, ladies and
• 54:24
  gentlemen, that is not someone you want to step into a covenant
• 54:28
  with. And I know all these things
• 54:31
  sound like man, Carlos, you're just there's all these things
• 54:33
  like who's who's ever going to be this person?
• 54:35
  Becoming husband and wife is a serious thing.
• 54:38
  It's a covenant that's for life. So if what I need to break down
• 54:43
  and give you God's word to you, that sounds serious and sounds
• 54:48
  like man, that feels like a high bar.
• 54:50
  I'm not going to apologize for that 'cause my heart breaks when
• 54:54
  I see people not make it as husband and wife because that is
• 54:58
  a covenant by God that you are making this commitment before
• 55:02
  Him, that you're saying it's you and I for life, no matter the
• 55:05
  ups and downs. And hear me clearly there is
• 55:07
  biblical reasoning behind a divorce, but we're choosing
• 55:12
  divorce when there's not that because we're just stepping into
• 55:16
  something that we didn't pray through some of these things.
• 55:20
  I'm hoping that these biblical principles are something that
• 55:24
  challenge you and maybe make you stop a little bit and pray a
• 55:30
  little bit more and be a little bit more intentional when it
• 55:33
  comes to dating. That you don't just do it
• 55:36
  without purpose, That you don't just try to go step into it
• 55:39
  because it's what you want, but your prayer, super prayerful
• 55:44
  about dating in your life, that you are seeking God's wisdom,
• 55:47
  that you're being intentional and you're being purposeful.
• 55:50
  That's my hope with this because I think a lot of people do it
• 55:53
  very flippantly. They do it a lot of they do it
• 55:57
  very disorganized. They do it in a way that's
• 56:00
  disorderly. They do it in a way that's
• 56:01
  unbiblical. They do it in a way that's just
• 56:03
  for them. That's selfish.
• 56:06
  And so This is why I think this is very serious, that we have to
• 56:10
  be very intentional when it comes to dating, because if they
• 56:13
  aren't pouring out Christ's character in their own life, how
• 56:17
  will they encourage you spiritually?
• 56:19
  How will they lead, especially women for the men?
• 56:25
  How are they going to lead you like Christ when they're not
• 56:29
  even pursuing after Jesus, that they're not even submitted to
• 56:32
  him in their lives? How are they going to then lead
• 56:35
  you like Christ when they're not even being led by Christ
• 56:38
  themselves? How will they correct you in
• 56:41
  love? How will they pour into you in a
• 56:43
  biblical and Christ centered way when they're not even in His
• 56:47
  word, when they're not even praying, when they're not even
• 56:49
  seeking after Jesus that they're not even filled up by Him?
• 56:53
  How are then they gonna lead you in a Holy Spirit LED way, in a
• 56:58
  biblical way? In my opinion, seek someone who
• 57:03
  is passionately pursuing Jesus, not someone you hope will start
• 57:08
  to later. Someone who is following Jesus
• 57:12
  passionately now, not someone who you're hoping will get there
• 57:16
  in the future. Just as much so as I said
• 57:19
  earlier, guys, just as much so as I said earlier, if Christ
• 57:22
  isn't first before dating, he won't magically be first in
• 57:27
  marriage. So just in the same way, don't
• 57:30
  seek someone who is not passionately pursuing Jesus
• 57:33
  right now because you're hoping they will start to later.
• 57:37
  It's not going to happen. This is about mission over
• 57:40
  emotion. Are we, are we missionally
• 57:45
  aligned? Are we, is our characters the
• 57:48
  same? These are what I talked about
• 57:50
  earlier with Kelly and I, the deeper questions beneath the
• 57:53
  surface that should be asking before a commitment of
• 57:56
  boyfriend, girlfriend happens. And for you guys who are maybe
• 58:00
  already in that and you're like, well Dang, Pastor Lohos, I'm
• 58:02
  already in a committed relationship, but now I'm
• 58:05
  hearing these things, that's OK. But take this now and step into
• 58:11
  those conversations with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
• 58:14
  Take this and say, man, we haven't necessarily had some of
• 58:18
  these hard conversations or talk through non negotiables.
• 58:20
  Do we want kids? Do we not want kids?
• 58:22
  Do we only want to live here? Do we want to live somewhere
• 58:25
  else? Do we want to be a part of the
• 58:26
  church we're a part of? Is are we going to go to the
• 58:29
  same church if we're from different churches?
• 58:30
  Some of these questions are you asking that when do you want to
• 58:34
  get married? Do you even want to get married?
• 58:37
  These should be things we're asking before we become
• 58:40
  boyfriend and girlfriend. So we got heart health, we got
• 58:45
  salvation status, and we got character compatibility.
• 58:48
  And #4 out of the five biblical principles is purposeful
• 58:53
  pursuit. Oh, it's what we called the
• 58:54
  episode. So now we dive into purposeful
• 58:58
  pursuit. Colossians 317 says this.
• 59:01
  And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the
• 59:05
  Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.
• 59:09
  Whatever you do or say, like dating, do it as a
• 59:14
  representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him
• 59:18
  to God the Father. Second Timothy 222 says this.
• 59:22
  Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust.
• 59:27
  Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love and
• 59:31
  peace. Enjoy the companionship of those
• 59:35
  who call on the Lord with pure hearts, Heart check that is
• 59:41
  their hearts pure? Are they calling on the Lord?
• 59:44
  Are we fleeing as Joseph Fleeed from Potiphar's wife?
• 59:50
  Are we fleeing from youthful lust?
• 59:52
  Are we pursuing righteousness and love and faithfulness and
• 59:56
  peace? Or are we just pursuing sexual
• 59:58
  sin, sexual desires? Purposeful pursuit is super
• 1:00:04
  important. You are getting to know each
• 1:00:07
  other for the purpose of discerning marriage, not for not
• 1:00:12
  for attention, not for validation, not to pass time.
• 1:00:16
  We are pursuing each other purposefully because anything we
• 1:00:20
  say, think, or do, we're doing it as a representative of Jesus.
• 1:00:23
  As we date each other, we're representing Jesus to each other
• 1:00:26
  in this relationship. That in this relationship we are
• 1:00:29
  setting up boundaries and guidelines for each other
• 1:00:33
  because we want to flee from youthful lust.
• 1:00:36
  We want to flee from things that the enemy wants to get a
• 1:00:39
  foothold in our lives or in our relationship.
• 1:00:41
  That we're going to put boundaries in place.
• 1:00:43
  We're not just going to live in sin.
• 1:00:44
  We're not just going to lead each other in an ungodly way
• 1:00:48
  because we want to have pure hearts.
• 1:00:50
  We want to call in the name of the Lord in this relationship.
• 1:00:52
  We want to pursue holiness and righteousness and love and
• 1:00:55
  peace. We want to be pure in this
• 1:00:59
  commitment we're in. Because for marriage, that means
• 1:01:03
  we should be preparing now to be the spouse you want to be later.
• 1:01:07
  I always word it this way, guys. Live right now as someone you'd
• 1:01:11
  want your future self to inherit.
• 1:01:13
  So what type of husband will your future self inherit?
• 1:01:16
  What type of wife will your future self inherit?
• 1:01:18
  What type of father will your kids inherit?
• 1:01:21
  What type of mom will your kids inherit?
• 1:01:24
  Because if you don't live like that right now, what you're
• 1:01:27
  living like right now will impact who you are later.
• 1:01:31
  And again, guys, it doesn't mean God can't redeem.
• 1:01:33
  It doesn't mean God can't heal. It doesn't mean God can't do
• 1:01:36
  work within the mess, within our sin, within our imperfections,
• 1:01:40
  because that's who He is. But we know God and we know
• 1:01:45
  Jesus, and we know some of us old heads, the people who've
• 1:01:49
  been walking with Jesus that have done that.
• 1:01:51
  Again, guys, as I said about this podcast, a lot of this is
• 1:01:54
  me just trying to share with you the wisdom I've gotten through
• 1:01:58
  my mistakes, through the things I didn't do right and I did not
• 1:02:02
  do it right. When it came to dating before I
• 1:02:04
  found Jesus, I did a lot of things wrong.
• 1:02:07
  I chose my sexual sin, I chose my selfishness, I chose to treat
• 1:02:12
  others as someone that I can just get what I want to get out
• 1:02:15
  of this. That I wasn't centered on Jesus.
• 1:02:17
  I wasn't leading like Christ, that I wasn't being obedient to
• 1:02:21
  who God called me to be as a man.
• 1:02:24
  And so all this that I'm saying is choose right now because
• 1:02:28
  you're hearing this message that God is speaking through me to
• 1:02:31
  tell you live right now as your future self would want to
• 1:02:35
  inherit. Don't bring baggage into the
• 1:02:38
  future because I'm telling you right now, God, as I talk about
• 1:02:41
  how God redeems, my wife and I both had baggage that we brought
• 1:02:44
  into our marriage. We both loved Jesus.
• 1:02:46
  Jesus was Lord in our lives. We asked all these questions.
• 1:02:49
  We knew where we were with Christ.
• 1:02:50
  Was there still wounds there that had been healed by God that
• 1:02:54
  the scars still showed, though, from the decisions we made, from
• 1:02:57
  the things we did sexually before we knew Jesus, before we
• 1:03:01
  gave our lives to him? Yeah, there is baggage that
• 1:03:05
  you're going to bring into the future with you.
• 1:03:07
  Again, it doesn't mean God hasn't worked through that and
• 1:03:09
  hasn't redeemed it and hasn't blessed what you're in now.
• 1:03:12
  But that does affect you for the future.
• 1:03:15
  So why not here right now, today, Hear this message.
• 1:03:20
  Do not step into that sexual sin with your boyfriend or
• 1:03:22
  girlfriend. Do not even start dating
• 1:03:24
  someone. Do not send that DM.
• 1:03:25
  Do not send that Snapchat. Do not reach out in a way that's
• 1:03:28
  ungodly. Do not step into something that
• 1:03:30
  you know you're not going to lead like Christ, but you're
• 1:03:32
  going to lead from your flesh. Don't do it.
• 1:03:35
  Just don't do it because it's not worth it.
• 1:03:38
  It's not worth the impact of your soul.
• 1:03:40
  And you are not only affecting you, but you're affecting that
• 1:03:43
  person that you're bringing this into with you.
• 1:03:46
  That sexual sin you're stepping into isn't just affecting you.
• 1:03:50
  As Paul says in First Corinthians 6, sexual sin
• 1:03:53
  effects our body differently than other sin.
• 1:03:55
  It's not just affecting you, it's affecting the person that
• 1:03:57
  you're doing it with as well. That sister in Christ, that
• 1:04:00
  brother in Christ, what you're stepping into now is affecting
• 1:04:03
  not just you, but them as well. And that's not the type of hurts
• 1:04:07
  and wounds that I want to lead people into it.
• 1:04:10
  Do you? And I think that's the question
• 1:04:13
  we have to ask ourselves. We have to be honest.
• 1:04:15
  That is why this is what it is. We're diving into it.
• 1:04:18
  It might feel like, man, this feels like, oh man, this is
• 1:04:20
  intense. Well, I'm never going to be able
• 1:04:21
  to find anybody. I don't know if I'm ever going
• 1:04:23
  to be. If someone really loves the Lord
• 1:04:27
  and you really love the Lord, in God's timing it will happen and
• 1:04:31
  it won't be perfect, but it will be surrendered to Jesus.
• 1:04:35
  It will be under His Lordship that it will be Him leading and
• 1:04:39
  not you. So this means prepare now to be
• 1:04:42
  the spouse you want to be later. To seek purity now, not later.
• 1:04:47
  To make the relationship pure now.
• 1:04:49
  If it hasn't been pure, stop it right now.
• 1:04:54
  Get on your knees and say Jesus, I love you, I want to honor you.
• 1:04:58
  I want to represent you and all that I say or do so from now on,
• 1:05:02
  no more dishonouring you in this relationship.
• 1:05:05
  I'm we're not stepping into sexual sin anymore because we're
• 1:05:07
  not husband and wife. We are going to honor you right
• 1:05:10
  now. I always say this, if you ain't
• 1:05:13
  a husband and you ain't a wifey, you don't get wifey or hubby
• 1:05:16
  privileges. That's your boyfriend, that's
• 1:05:18
  your girlfriend. They don't get hubby privileges.
• 1:05:21
  They don't get wifey privileges. Not until that commitment and
• 1:05:24
  covenants made. You don't get hubby privileges,
• 1:05:27
  you don't get wifey privileges. That doesn't happen until a
• 1:05:30
  covenant has been made before God and before others.
• 1:05:35
  That is what it looks like to seek purity right now.
• 1:05:38
  Practice obedience now, not later.
• 1:05:40
  Guys, live like a future husband or wife now because I promise
• 1:05:46
  you that favor of that will overflow to your future marriage
• 1:05:50
  and your future home and your future kids, that now your
• 1:05:53
  husband when he told you, hey, we're going to honor Jesus now.
• 1:05:57
  We're not doing this anymore. We're going to keep it pure.
• 1:05:59
  We're never even going to step into this.
• 1:06:00
  There's going to be boundaries. We're not going to be under the
• 1:06:02
  covers past 9:00 PM. We're not going to be at each
• 1:06:04
  other's house this past 10:00 PM.
• 1:06:05
  We're not going to ever put ourselves in a predicament to
• 1:06:08
  fall to this. And I'm saying this is not what
• 1:06:10
  we're going to do. And then he leads you in that
• 1:06:13
  and he stays true to that. And he honors God in that.
• 1:06:17
  Now that he's your husband, you're looking at him going,
• 1:06:19
  man, I love this man. I trust this man.
• 1:06:22
  I know he has what's best at heart for us, for this family
• 1:06:28
  because he's proven that to be true.
• 1:06:30
  He stayed true to his word. He led us like Christ.
• 1:06:35
  That's the type of person you want to step into a covenant
• 1:06:38
  with, not one that says one day, yeah, maybe not.
• 1:06:41
  And then the next is like, no, but I really want to do this, so
• 1:06:43
  I'm going to just let my flesh lead me.
• 1:06:45
  Oh, no, now we're not doing this.
• 1:06:47
  They're back and forth. They're lukewarm.
• 1:06:49
  They're they go by their own emotions and they go by their
• 1:06:52
  own feelings and they go by their own wants and their own
• 1:06:54
  desires. That is not the person you want
• 1:06:56
  leading your home. And if you're not that person,
• 1:06:59
  or you're that person I'm talking about, step away from
• 1:07:03
  dating altogether and go back to one.
• 1:07:07
  Get your heart healthy. Get spiritually healthy.
• 1:07:11
  Get centered on Jesus. Get filled up by him.
• 1:07:14
  Ask Him to uproot those things in your lives, to heal parts of
• 1:07:18
  your heart that you've never had healed.
• 1:07:20
  To step into hard conversations and accountability so you you
• 1:07:23
  can become the man or woman you would want your spy spouse to
• 1:07:27
  inherit in the future. Become that husband or wife now.
• 1:07:33
  Don't try to figure it out while you're still not healed from
• 1:07:37
  those wounds and that trauma in your life.
• 1:07:40
  Step away from dating altogether.
• 1:07:42
  Get centered on Jesus. Focus on him.
• 1:07:44
  Become content in him, filled up by him.
• 1:07:48
  Listen to his voice and then step into that in his timing.
• 1:07:53
  I want you guys in this purposeful pursuit to put
• 1:07:58
  together non negotiables, to put together a list of things that
• 1:08:03
  this is what is non negotiable for me.
• 1:08:05
  I need a husband who takes church seriously.
• 1:08:09
  I need a husband who's going to read the word with me daily.
• 1:08:12
  I need a husband who's going to pray with me.
• 1:08:14
  I need a husband who's patient. I need a husband who's kind.
• 1:08:17
  I need AI need a husband who wants to be a father.
• 1:08:19
  I need a husband who wants to live in the country.
• 1:08:22
  I want a husband who is going to go have fun with me and watch
• 1:08:25
  movies again. The non negotiables is fitting
• 1:08:28
  towards you, but really sit on those.
• 1:08:31
  It doesn't need to be a scrolled list, but you should have a list
• 1:08:35
  of things that are non negotiable.
• 1:08:37
  When you see those characteristics that are the non
• 1:08:40
  negotiables. Yeah, no, I'm not stepping
• 1:08:42
  anymore into this and get out. Don't feel stuck.
• 1:08:47
  Don't stay in it. This is why the dating period is
• 1:08:49
  important. Guys, get to know them first.
• 1:08:52
  Be around them in a godly community.
• 1:08:54
  Watch how they interact with their brothers and sisters.
• 1:08:56
  See how they respond to conflict.
• 1:09:00
  See how they talk with someone who may be irritated them.
• 1:09:03
  Watch and see who they are when they're around you.
• 1:09:06
  Again, not to say some people can put on a facade in a front
• 1:09:10
  and be completely different behind closed doors.
• 1:09:12
  Sadly, that happens. Be intentional first to get to
• 1:09:16
  know them, to go on dates, to not be boyfriend, girlfriend,
• 1:09:19
  but also be involved in a godly community and do life in groups
• 1:09:23
  and just watch and see how how do they lead?
• 1:09:27
  How what does their life look like?
• 1:09:29
  What do the people around them that know them best?
• 1:09:32
  What do they say about them? See godly cows aware?
• 1:09:36
  I'm jumping ahead. I'm jumping ahead, but be
• 1:09:39
  intentional to put those non negotiables together.
• 1:09:42
  What are the spiritual traits that you require that you are
• 1:09:45
  looking for? Are you looking for a man that's
• 1:09:48
  going to keep the relationship pure and holy, that they're not
• 1:09:51
  going to ask you over late at night, that they're not going to
• 1:09:53
  tempt you with sexual sin? Are you looking for a woman
• 1:09:56
  who's not going to push back on that or is going to agree with
• 1:10:00
  you on that? When you say to them, hey, a non
• 1:10:03
  negotiable is we're not doing anything sexual until we're
• 1:10:06
  married. We can kiss, we can hold hands,
• 1:10:08
  even get specific, but we're not going past kissing and holding
• 1:10:13
  hands because sadly guys, I've had this conversation and maybe
• 1:10:17
  it's and I, I say sadly, so forgive me.
• 1:10:20
  I think for some people they don't even know, but doing
• 1:10:25
  things that aren't sex but are still sexual in a way that is
• 1:10:31
  stepping into something that only a husband and wife do,
• 1:10:34
  that's also not keeping it pure and holy.
• 1:10:38
  So again, these are things that are non negotiables.
• 1:10:40
  Have those conversations, talk about them, write them down.
• 1:10:45
  What are you looking for? And here's a big one, guys,
• 1:10:47
  start seeing people the way Jesus sees them.
• 1:10:51
  If you view someone through your flesh, if you're only led by
• 1:10:56
  your fleshly desires, that it's all about chemistry, sexual
• 1:11:03
  tension, if that's what your relationship is built on, it
• 1:11:06
  won't last long. View someone through God's lens.
• 1:11:12
  Treat them through Christ's eyes.
• 1:11:14
  See them through his eyes first. See those spiritual traits that
• 1:11:18
  are like man, They love Jesus, man.
• 1:11:20
  See, see those first. Again, doesn't mean you, doesn't
• 1:11:24
  mean you shouldn't be attracted to them.
• 1:11:27
  That's part of it, but it never should be #1 and if you view
• 1:11:32
  them as a son or daughter of God, you'll treat them with
• 1:11:35
  honor. If you see them as a brother and
• 1:11:38
  sister in Christ, that you're trying to guard their heart and
• 1:11:40
  protect their hearts and represent Jesus and everything
• 1:11:43
  you say or do with each other, that if you're looking at it
• 1:11:46
  through a Kingdom lens, through Christ's lens, that you're
• 1:11:49
  seeing each other through his eyes, you're going to then honor
• 1:11:53
  each other and love each other in a godly way.
• 1:11:56
  Remember, love your neighbor as yourself.
• 1:12:01
  Don't treat somebody in a way that you wouldn't like to be
• 1:12:04
  treated. That includes the person you're
• 1:12:08
  pursuing. So we got heart health, we got
• 1:12:13
  salvation status, we got character compatibility, we got
• 1:12:16
  purposeful pursuit. And last but not least, the 5th
• 1:12:19
  biblical principle for dating is Christ centered counsel.
• 1:12:24
  Romans 12/2 says this. Don't copy the behavior and
• 1:12:29
  customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new
• 1:12:33
  person by changing the way you think.
• 1:12:36
  Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is
• 1:12:40
  good and pleasing and perfect. And Proverbs 12/15 says this
• 1:12:46
  fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to
• 1:12:51
  others or I love this one. I had a little little tidbit
• 1:12:53
  onto there. Proverbs 11/14.
• 1:12:55
  Without wise leadership a nation falls.
• 1:12:59
  But there is safety in having many advisors.
• 1:13:04
  There is blessing and counsel, godly counsel that we get to
• 1:13:08
  learn God's will that's good and pleasing and perfect through
• 1:13:13
  godly counsel through brothers and sisters.
• 1:13:15
  If you walk with Christ, the Spirit should lead your
• 1:13:19
  discernment. We've if now we're getting into
• 1:13:22
  a couple few conversations. Some of this stuff when it comes
• 1:13:24
  to dating is discernment is seeking to discern God's will
• 1:13:28
  when it comes to that person or that that spouse or what you're
• 1:13:32
  pursuing who you're pursuing with or marriage with this some
• 1:13:36
  of this comes to discernment. And so if you'd want to know
• 1:13:40
  more on that and what it looks like to discern God's will
• 1:13:42
  within dating, go listen to last episode, episode 7, and dive
• 1:13:47
  into discernment, how you can be more discerning of these things
• 1:13:50
  in your life, especially when it comes to dating.
• 1:13:53
  But God also gives us community, people who have the Holy Spirit
• 1:13:58
  in them that can give you counsel from God that they can
• 1:14:01
  encourage you, that they can see things that maybe you don't see
• 1:14:05
  'cause you're infatuated because you're so, Oh my gosh, they're
• 1:14:09
  so pretty. Oh my gosh, he's so hot.
• 1:14:12
  And you're kind of being led by your flesh.
• 1:14:15
  And they're going, yeah, he's good looking.
• 1:14:18
  But do you see how he snaps on you when he doesn't like what
• 1:14:21
  you say? Do you see how impatient he is?
• 1:14:23
  Do you see how he gets angry really quickly?
• 1:14:26
  That he's not slow to speak, That he's quick to speak, That
• 1:14:30
  he's quick to anger? Cause some people can see
• 1:14:33
  things, your brothers and sisters who love you that you
• 1:14:35
  don't see 'cause maybe you're really tunnel visioned right
• 1:14:38
  now. Family, community, are people
• 1:14:41
  who love you, who you've welcomed into that
• 1:14:43
  accountability. The people who you do life with,
• 1:14:46
  who you trust, who love you, who love Jesus and aren't blinded by
• 1:14:51
  your emotions. Because all of us can get led by
• 1:14:54
  our emotions and our feelings. Again, those aren't bad things.
• 1:14:56
  God created us with emotions and feelings.
• 1:14:58
  But our emotions and feelings aren't Bible emotions and
• 1:15:02
  feelings aren't God's word. They're not God's voice.
• 1:15:04
  They're not the absolute truth. And so you have people who love
• 1:15:10
  you and love Jesus and are filled by the Spirit who can
• 1:15:12
  speak godly counsel and love, but also in truth when maybe you
• 1:15:17
  are infatuated or you're being LED only by your emotions or by
• 1:15:21
  what you feel. So we need people like this in
• 1:15:25
  our lives to give us godly counsel.
• 1:15:30
  There was a relationship that I was in in a time period when I
• 1:15:33
  wasn't really listening to godly counsel my life.
• 1:15:35
  I didn't want to hear nothing from nobody 'cause I wanted to
• 1:15:37
  do what I wanted to do. And I remember my big sister
• 1:15:41
  speaking truth to me and it wasn't easy for her to do, but
• 1:15:45
  she loved me. She loved Jesus and she loved me
• 1:15:47
  and she could see things that I didn't want to see.
• 1:15:51
  Sometimes we even do see it, but we just want to keep pushing
• 1:15:54
  forward 'cause we want to be led by what we what we want that
• 1:15:59
  we're just sometimes maybe we feel stuck or sometimes we feel
• 1:16:02
  like there's no way I can give up on this man.
• 1:16:04
  I've been in this for so long. I'll feel like a failure.
• 1:16:08
  No, you're not, and that's not from God if you haven't made
• 1:16:12
  that covenant yet. You do not have to get married
• 1:16:16
  to someone if you know that this isn't right.
• 1:16:20
  If you've seen these things, you've seen some incompatibility
• 1:16:24
  with character, you've seen some questioning of their walk with
• 1:16:26
  Jesus. You've seen some non negotiable
• 1:16:28
  stuff that you've already seen that the Holy Spirit's brought
• 1:16:31
  to light through him, his voice in you, but also through godly
• 1:16:36
  counsel. And you're like the people are
• 1:16:37
  telling you who love you. Like yo, you're hearing it from
• 1:16:39
  multiple people like this ain't it?
• 1:16:42
  They're not it. This isn't good.
• 1:16:44
  This isn't centered on Jesus. You shouldn't step into this.
• 1:16:46
  Don't just be like, Nah, you guys don't know.
• 1:16:50
  No, but again, sometimes we're in situations which I brought
• 1:16:56
  this up last episode of Look, go listen to last episode guys.
• 1:17:01
  The last part of discerning God's will, the 4th biblical
• 1:17:04
  method was clarity verse interpretation.
• 1:17:08
  So sometimes you are praying about it more than they are and
• 1:17:11
  you're the one doing life with this person and you know their
• 1:17:14
  heart and you guys are having those conversations.
• 1:17:17
  So you need to 1st seek clarity from the Holy Spirit through
• 1:17:20
  your prayer clause at your time with him to really ask God, is
• 1:17:24
  this from you? Is this honoring you?
• 1:17:26
  Is this good? Is this a person that's going to
• 1:17:28
  lead me like Jesus that is this a person who wants to to be
• 1:17:32
  filled by you, centered on you to be in your word, to be prayer
• 1:17:35
  filled that wants our home to train up our kids in the way
• 1:17:38
  that they go so they will not depart from it?
• 1:17:40
  Is this someone that I can do life with that's going to also
• 1:17:43
  speak your truth to me? That's also going to encourage
• 1:17:46
  me in your calling in my life that we're going to love each
• 1:17:48
  other the way you love us. Pray through those things in
• 1:17:52
  your own time too, because sometimes there's counsel that
• 1:17:56
  we may get that's from another person's feelings or their
• 1:18:01
  emotions or their attachment or their trauma or their or they're
• 1:18:07
  speaking from their own love towards you and they don't want
• 1:18:09
  to lose you or they don't want you to leave their home.
• 1:18:13
  We also have to be intentional to be seeking clarity from the
• 1:18:17
  Holy Spirit. So it's a both end.
• 1:18:20
  Godly counsel isn't always comfortable, but it is
• 1:18:23
  protective. It is needed.
• 1:18:27
  It might not be what you want to hear.
• 1:18:29
  Iron sharpens iron. As we talked about, when iron
• 1:18:32
  sharpens iron, sparks fly. But then the sword is refined
• 1:18:36
  and it's better than it was. So when we step into these
• 1:18:39
  accountability relationships, golly, counsel isn't always
• 1:18:42
  going to be comfortable. And yes, man, yes, if you have
• 1:18:45
  that, then you need some people in your life who are going to
• 1:18:47
  speak truth to you and love and not just agree with you.
• 1:18:51
  But golly, counsel is not always going to be comfortable, but it
• 1:18:53
  is protective and it's needed. You still seek God first, but
• 1:18:59
  you don't ignore wise voices around you.
• 1:19:01
  You can't just say, Nah, man, I want what I want, I'm focused.
• 1:19:04
  I mean, I need this, I need this, I need this.
• 1:19:06
  Because then again, the deeper question is go all the way back
• 1:19:09
  up to #1 is this just what you need?
• 1:19:12
  Because you need them to fill this void for you because Jesus
• 1:19:15
  isn't, because you haven't surrendered your life to him.
• 1:19:20
  Or is it really, no, this isn't from God, that this isn't the
• 1:19:24
  person I'm supposed to step into, that maybe you're not
• 1:19:26
  spirituality or they're not spirituality, you're not in a
• 1:19:28
  place to make this commitment. That's OK.
• 1:19:32
  Just be honest. Don't keep staying in it and
• 1:19:36
  causing more hurt, more wounds, more ties, because you just want
• 1:19:41
  to keep getting what you want to get out of it.
• 1:19:44
  Isolation from the from godly community, isolation from the
• 1:19:48
  body of Christ breeds deception. Community breeds clarity.
• 1:19:54
  God's hand is over godly community.
• 1:19:57
  He's working through godly community.
• 1:20:00
  We have Jesus to rely on, and Jesus gives us the body of
• 1:20:03
  Christ, our heavenly family, to do life with us, to speak God's
• 1:20:07
  truth to us. So dating isn't about finding
• 1:20:11
  the one. It's about becoming the one who
• 1:20:15
  is fully surrendered to Christ. It's not about finding all that
• 1:20:21
  I need in that person, it's first finding all that I need
• 1:20:24
  and being satisfied in Jesus that He's the focus, that He's
• 1:20:29
  my priority. Purposeful pursuit means Christ
• 1:20:32
  first. Character matters.
• 1:20:34
  Salvation aligned, marriage in view and community involved.
• 1:20:41
  People who are going to be a part of this with you, who love
• 1:20:44
  God and love you. Love you both.
• 1:20:48
  So here's your heart check for this episode guys.
• 1:20:52
  Are you dating to fill a void or are you dating from a fullness
• 1:20:57
  in Christ? Are you pursuing attention or
• 1:21:01
  are you pursuing covenant? And most importantly, is your
• 1:21:07
  heart healthy enough to lead someone else one day?
• 1:21:12
  Is your heart healthy enough to be a wife that's centered on
• 1:21:17
  Jesus and can follow their husband as they follow Christ?
• 1:21:24
  Are you spiritually healthy? If this episode helped you in
• 1:21:30
  this conversation around dating as a follower of Jesus, share it
• 1:21:33
  with a friend who's dating. Send it to someone who needs
• 1:21:36
  clarity. And if you're single, remember
• 1:21:39
  the season is not a waiting room.
• 1:21:42
  It's a preparation room. God is preparing you for what He
• 1:21:46
  has for you. And you may not know what that
• 1:21:49
  is exactly, but I promise you that God is a good Father and He
• 1:21:53
  has you right where you're supposed to be.
• 1:21:54
  And He's got something planned for you because He says in His
• 1:21:57
  Word that He's planned good things for you long ago.
• 1:22:01
  So God's got you. He's with you.
• 1:22:03
  He has not forsaken you. And don't just sit there in the
• 1:22:06
  waiting room anxiously and and stressed out and wanting things
• 1:22:11
  to happen when you want it to happen.
• 1:22:12
  But look at it as a preparation room that you can maximize, that
• 1:22:16
  you can celebrate, that you can steward well this season that
• 1:22:19
  you are in. This is a heart check.
• 1:22:22
  And before you check someone else's relationship status,
• 1:22:27
  check your heart. Let me pray for you guys so we
• 1:22:29
  can get up out of here. Lord Jesus, we love you.
• 1:22:34
  Lord Jesus, we thank you for who you are.
• 1:22:36
  God, I thank you for the ways you helped lead us and give us
• 1:22:40
  wisdom and clarity in areas in our lives where we're trying to
• 1:22:43
  make hard decisions or we're having desires that you've
• 1:22:47
  placed in US, God. And we're trying to figure out
• 1:22:49
  how we can honor you and your timing and your will and not
• 1:22:52
  step into something that's just from us or, or try to do
• 1:22:55
  something that we want to do in our own wants and our own
• 1:22:57
  desires and our own strength. God, I pray that we surrender
• 1:23:01
  our desires to you, that we delight in you first.
• 1:23:03
  So it's your desires flowing out of our lives that we are
• 1:23:06
  surrendering our lives to you, God, that we're being led by
• 1:23:08
  you. Lord Jesus.
• 1:23:10
  I pray over everyone who's listening to this podcast, for
• 1:23:13
  those who aren't in a relationship, for those who are,
• 1:23:15
  for those who are about to make a covenant.
• 1:23:17
  God, I pray that they heard this message from your word that they
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  are convicted, but they are encouraged also that they can
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  see that no, this is from God. Or they can maybe have a moment
• 1:23:27
  to step back and maybe seek that godly counsel that they need to,
• 1:23:30
  or maybe they can. This can be the moment God, that
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  they surrender all of their lives to you and find their
• 1:23:36
  fullness and find their purpose in you.
• 1:23:39
  First and foremost. God, I pray for your hand over
• 1:23:42
  all those listening. I pray for you to fill them with
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  your spirit and your truth. I love you God, I thank you for
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  who you are and I pray all these things in Jesus name, Amen.
• 1:23:51
  I love y'all. God bless.