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Rightsizing Your Life · Remember Why You Are Here

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Right sizing your life so that yourself can have the space that you need
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to flourish.
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Even though this is something a lot of people crave and want is not something I
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want. It's not something I need anymore and I truly think I'd be happier with
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something different.
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Hello and welcome back to Remember Why You're Here,
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a podcast for seekers and sensitives where you can relax, receive,
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reconnect to yourself and remember that most important thing of all why you're
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here. I'm Asia Souler, author, earth intuitive, teacher.
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And in this episode today,
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we're going to be talking about something that I've been very passionate about
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in my life of late.
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And this is this concept of right sizing your life,
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finding in your life the right container,
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the right size, the right method of being,
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finding in your life the right container so that you can be in
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your fullness. I'm so excited about this episode.
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I think it's perfect timing and I think really embracing right
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sizing your life can change your life. So before we get into it,
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I want to remind you that if you want to go deeper into remembering why you are
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here,
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I would love to see you over on my new Substack space called Remember
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Why You Are Here.
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This Subsect Space is taking the podcast even deeper.
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It includes essays around these video podcasts that includes
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expanded writings, expanded episodes, end of the month,
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monthly recaps on the intuitive reading from that month as well as personal
1:50
shares from me, journal entries, poetry,
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deeper levels of my own self-expression and self and teaching in the world.
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And so if you are interested in going deeper into
2:02
remembering why you are here, I'd love to see you over on the Substack.
2:05
It's been incredible so far. It's really exceeded my
2:10
expectations for being a space in which people can really connect for being
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more relational, more humane, slower,
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deeper than I've really been able to access on social media for quite a long
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time, if I'll be honest.
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And this space has just really turned into something very special.
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And most of the things that are in that space are entirely free.
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So it's entirely free to join that space and I would just absolutely love to
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connect deeper with you there. So again, that's remember why you're here,
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the Substack or aceular.substack.com.
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And I'd love to connect with you inside of that space as we all continue to
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remember why we are here. Okay.
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So let's talk about right sizing your life because I promise you this will
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change your life. So when I say right sizing,
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this is not about necessarily making things smaller. It's not even about making
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things bigger. It's not about less. It's not about more.
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It's about finding what's right for you.
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So it's about finding what's right for your soul, for your creative spirit,
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for your nervous system.
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What is that just right size for the container of your life?
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And why I love this term right sizing your life,
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I love it because there's no judgment.
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There's no judgment about whether right sizing something your life means making
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it bigger, whether it means making it smaller, it's about what's right for you.
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It's about what simply feels better for you in your life.
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And this phrase came through for me and I'll try to repeat it several times in
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this episode because I think it's important to remember that finding the right
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container means that you can be in your fullness.
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I think this is especially true for sensitive people. Finding the right
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container means that you can be in your fullness.
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So for example, if the container of something in our life is too big,
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we're going to be sort of overstretching ourselves,
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overstretching our capacity to try to fill it.
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We're not going to be able to feel the fullness of ourselves. If it's too small,
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we're going to spill right out of that, feel constricted.
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Finding the right container in your life is about you being in your
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fullness. I say this because this concept of right sizing your life,
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it's really about right sizing your life in order to expand.
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So we live in a culture where we often see bigger as better
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and we want more, more money, a bigger house, more followers,
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a nicer car, whatever the things are.
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And we are very heavily projected upon that this is
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where satisfaction lies, that this is where achievement lies,
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that this is where happiness lies. But right size is about recognizing that when
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we find the right container for us,
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the right size for us for whatever it is, the money we're making,
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the house we're living in, the amount of stuff we have,
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the amount of energy and time we devote to certain relationships,
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that when we find the right container for us,
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we can then expand.
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We have then this capacity to expand in a way we didn't before.
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And so I just want to say that expansion in this way,
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it's not about more reach, more space or even more opportunities.
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It's about feeling held in our life,
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about feeling met in the size of our life because when we are
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maintaining oversized containers, a lot of the time when we right size things,
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we might actually be making them a little smaller because when we maintain
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oversized containers instead of helping us to expand,
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they flatten us and you might have noticed this in your life. So
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sometimes we can't expand because the container's too small or sometimes that
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container is too large and it disperses us. So here's some example.
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Some examples we may not hear all that often, but you have too many followers,
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you might lose a sense of intimate connection. Too big of a house,
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that's too much to maintain.
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You don't have time for your creative practice anymore.
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You have too many obligations.
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Even when there were things that you were excited about at some point,
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you stop feeling creative again. You stop having creative space.
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If you have too much emotional availability for others,
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you don't have enough emotional availability for your own self,
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your own experience, your own feelings. Too many options,
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projects, and choices end up draining us.
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So bigger is not always better for our own expansion.
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Sometimes we need to right size.
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Often our intellect comes in with this concept of right sizing to say,
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"But this is successful," or, "But I should be grateful," or,
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"This is what I wanted,
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so why aren't I enjoying it now?" But often with this process of right sizing,
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which I'm going to walk you through in this podcast episode,
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this process of right sizing the body is saying,
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"I can't fully inhabit this. " The body is saying,
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"This requires too much maintenance or there's no room left for me.
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" So if you feel like you're disappearing inside of what you built,
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it's time to right size your life. And we see this, right?
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When we don't have enough containment,
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often expansion starts to become destabilizing.
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It's like that expansion doesn't feel like expansion anymore.
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It feels like I'm trying to manage things that are outside of my control.
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And this is why our creativity will often come back online after we commit
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ourselves to right sizing our life because the energy that was previously spent
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on maintaining and oversized or ill-fitting structure becomes available
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again. I'm going to repeat that because I think we need to hear it.
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The energy that was previously spent maintaining oversized or ill-fitting
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structures becomes available again.
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And this creates a kind of coherency for us in our nervous system. This is when
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it's like our values and our energy and our nervous system are all coming into
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coherence with one another so that way it feels like all of us is moving in the
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same direction That energy can all move in the same direction and that life
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stops feeling like something you have to constantly override yourself in order
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to sustain. So if that feels like you at all,
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like there's aspects of your life that you're having to give too much or
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sustaining it feels too exhausting,
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then you're in the right place because you're going to learn about how to right
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size your life.
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So I want to give a little example here about right sizing your life.
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It's a little bit of a silly example, but actually it's perfect.
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So I've been in this process and so many ways of right
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sizing my life this year. I think that there's a clarion call in general this
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year to be doing this for ourselves.
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A lot of us are being forced to this precipice, but for me,
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how this all began was deciding to get rid of my king size bed and
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get a queen instead. Okay, stay with me.
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So anytime I told people I was thinking about getting rid of my king size bed,
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they'd be like, "Are you crazy?
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Why would you get rid of a king size bed?" And I will say it was a very nice
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bed. It was not an inexpensive bed. It was a really nice organic bed.
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I had a really beautiful wooden frame for it.
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I had invested on all the nice sheets for myself after I was postpartum so
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I could really be in that experience and feel held.
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So not only would I be getting rid of the bed,
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I'd be getting rid of the bed frame,
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I'd be getting rid of these beautiful sheets that would no longer fit my bed,
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but I kept getting this feeling like I just had to let it go and then
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something else would come into my life. I had to downgrade quote unquote to
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this queen size bed. And I kept explaining to people, "I'm not downgrading,
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I'm just right sizing." And there were deeper emotional currents here up for me
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with this shift.
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I had gotten that bed before my daughter was born and the idea that we might
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sleep in that bed as a family. About a year after my daughter was born,
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her dad and I decided to transition to co-parenting we uncoupled and so
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that bed represented a lot to me. It held this energy in my life,
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an energy that wasn't a reality and also that I didn't want to tend anymore.
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I was like, "I'm ready for a new era.
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I know this is a really nice bed." Intellectually I can see that,
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but emotionally it was weighing me down. So I got rid of it.
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I got rid of that bed. I mean, also I'll be real,
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I haven't been sleeping in that bed in years.
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My daughter and I co-sleep now in her room.
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So it's just mostly a thing where I wasn't even in that bed.
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It was just this giant heavy reminder of what no longer
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was available in my life, what I wasn't pouring energy into anymore,
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just basically something that didn't work.
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It also frankly didn't work in the space. It was always too big for the space.
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I have a small little bedroom and I just kind of decided to do
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it anyways because of the visions that I had of what it would look like to be a
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family, what it would look like to co-sleep, et cetera, et cetera,
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best laid plans, right? But I decided I'm getting rid of it.
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So I got rid of it and I slept on our little fold out queen guest
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bed on the floor of my room and I was just happy as a
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duck in a duck pond. I cannot tell you how much joy it brought me to get rid of
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that beautiful bed,
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that beautiful bed that went to a beautiful couple who are very much enjoying it
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now and just sleep on my little queen size mattress in my bedroom.
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I was able to rearrange my whole room in a way where I now feel
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cozier and more inspired in that room than I
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ever have because now I have more space.
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I could rearrange things the way I wanted it.
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I really could start to see the way in which I wanted the energy to move through
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the space instead of thinking, "Oh, it should be like this.
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" I gave myself permission to be like, "How do I need it to be?
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How do I want it to be? What feels inspiring for me?
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" And so it's a funny story in some ways,
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but it's also poignant and it just shows you that something even as simple as
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I'm really getting this feeling like this,
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even though this is something a lot of people crave and want,
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is not something I want. It's not something I need anymore and I truly think I'd
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be happier with something different. So it's about right sizing your life.
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And this one move kicked off what has been a whole season for me of asking
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myself this question, what needs to be right sized in my life?
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What needs to be reviewed to be shifted?
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Where do I want to put my energy?
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Where am I using my energy to maintain something that isn't actually bringing me
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joy?
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A right sized life is not the life that looks biggest from the outside.
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It's the life your nervous system can fully inhabit.
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It's the life your soul feels at home within and this is what we're doing when
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we are right sizing our life. Sensitives in particular,
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I find that we often need to let go of things in order to feel spacious again.
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Now, as I said, this is going to go against a lot of cultural norms,
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norms where we think bigger is better, bigger house, more money,
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more productivity, bigger audience, all the things,
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but we can feel inside of our body when it's actually too much. When it's too
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big of a container,
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it's too much to manage where our energy is getting dispersed.
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So what I often find for sensitive people is that right sizing can often mean
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going for something that feels cozy or going for something that feels more like
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you,
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making the choice to change the container so that you can
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expand.
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And this is what ends up happening is that we right size our life and only you
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will know what right sizing means for you and what that's asking of you,
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but you right size your life and then your energy can expand again.
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Sensitive people, we tend to come into this world with a lot of energy.
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We have big energy, we have big emotions,
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we have big sensitive nervous systems and we need space.
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We need to feel like we are held by the spaces that we are in and right sizing
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your life will help you to do that. So how do you go about right sizing your
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life? Because I promise you when you do this, so much magic will happen.
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I cannot even believe this one move of being like,
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"I'm going to get rid of this bed." How much that has opened up for me in my
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life,
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I've started right sizing absolutely everything and it's changing absolutely
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everything about my life and the energy I have access to. Well,
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the first thing is to take inventory in a given day and just notice when
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and where your energy drops. Think about at the end of your day,
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go through your whole day and just see where did my energy drop throughout the
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day Because that dropping energy is a sign that the container is not the right
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size for you. So I used to notice, for example,
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after I put my daughter to bed in her room,
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I didn't want to go in my room. My energy would drop as soon as I walked in that
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door.
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Some of that was the feng shui of how the room was set up because it had to be
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set up because of that darn large ping siz bed,
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but there was other elements to it too, right?
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But I noticed that I would feel this sort of despondency and anxiety every
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time I walked into my room. Now I walk into my room. Oh man, I melt.
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My body's just like this, this is exactly what I've wanted this whole time.
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So notice when your energy drops throughout the day,
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that's often an indicator that the container there is not quite the right size.
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I want to just say here that not all exhaustion means resistance,
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like you're just resisting something.
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Sometimes it's information telling you that this container is not the right
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size. So where do you feel exhausted? Where do you feel drained?
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Where do you feel overgiving?
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And to really ask yourself in whatever the container the situation is,
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can I be myself inside this?
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Can I be myself inside this and still maintain this size,
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whatever this size is, whether it's too small or too large, whatever it is,
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can I still be myself inside of this?
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So here are some areas to look at in your life and to ask yourself this
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question, can I be myself inside this?
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So first area is the stuff in your house and the space in your house.
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This is like your home and the possessions inside of your home.
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And so some things here to look at,
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often when we make changes in our physical environment,
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it is a catalyst for these spiritual emotional changes inside of us.
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So this is not just like spring cleaning,
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this is you literally making space in your life for more of yourself. So here
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are some questions as you look around your home, at your stuff, at your space,
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if you move tomorrow, what would you not bother taking?
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Or do you know what's in every closet and every drawer?
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If you don't know what's in there,
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there's probably stuff in there that you could let go. And this is a funny one.
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So this is one that a couple of my friends who are mothers have told me this is
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their test. So if it's a mom,
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it might resonate with you a little more than if you're not.
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But I think either way it works good. The test is if this got poop on it,
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would you keep it? This is a very real reality for motherhood.
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If this got poop on it, would you keep it or would you throw it out?
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That's a test of whether or not this should still stay in your life. So we know
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through all the different home and lifestyle influences
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out there, all the Marie condoing,
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the awareness that when we change our physical surroundings,
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when we right size our physical existence,
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it really does open up so much space and side of ourselves.
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So this is a big place to start. Another place to look at is money.
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So this is your income, your spending,
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what it is that you have to deal with in terms of resources.
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And so this will also help you understand where do you need to right
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size your spending, your expenses,
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what you're investing in order to maintain that resource.
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So here's some questions here. If your income dropped 20%,
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what would you cut first?What would be the first thing to go?
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That's really important information.
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Are your biggest expenses in life buying you joy?
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This is important to think about.
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And sometimes we have big expenses that don't feel very joyful. Maybe we have
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health expenses that are really immense for us,
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but we absolutely need to do that. But to ask yourself,
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outside of those essential things, the big expenses you're making in your life,
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are they bringing you joy or is it an obligation?
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And then what do you actually need to have in your life to be sustainable?
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And I think that this question's really important right now.
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I think a lot of us are asking this question as at least here in the States we
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are in a recession.
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I know a lot of my friends are really reckoning with finances with money and
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being like, "Okay, I have less." And what does that mean to have less?
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And there's actually this space in which sometimes going into the place where
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you have to review, you have to go over things with a fine tooth comb,
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you have to be conservative,
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you have to really do that work of asking yourself like,
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"What do I actually need? What is actually fulfilling for me?
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" can really help liberate some of our creativity and help us see what
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is really most essential for us in our life.
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And what is it that you're having to do to maintain what you see as a certain
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income level that is really draining you,
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that is actually taking more away from you than you would have if
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you were able to sustain yourself and see that there's sustainability at
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other levels of being. Okay.
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The next category here is time.
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So I'm kind of moving in what I see as levels of importance specifically for
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sensitive people. So now we're going into an even deeper level of importance,
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which is time. So this is scheduling commitments, your career and this is like,
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what are you doing with your time?
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What are you committing yourself to with your time?
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And so some questions to ask yourself here are,
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what would you do if you had five more free hours this week? What would you do?
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If you just were magically given five free hours this week,
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what would you do with that time?
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Or if you look at your calendar from last week,
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look at what you did last week and how many of those things would you do again?
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If you had the choice,
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how many of those things would you actively choose to do again?
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And to ask yourself too, what do you look forward to in life?
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What are the things that you're looking forward to that you're committed to
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time-wise versus what are the things that you quietly dread?
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And that term quietly dread was one I wanted to underline in here because I
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think so many of us sensitives, we make commitments with our time,
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with our energy that we're quietly dreading.
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And I have to say that we don't need to be doing that,
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that actually there's another way to live where we are really only saying yes to
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outside of the necessary obligations of our life,
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saying yes to what really feels good to us,
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what we really want to do with our time. Your time is precious.
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It's not infinite when you're in this body and on this planet, it's finite.
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And so part of right sizing your life is recognizing what do you want to give
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your time to? What do you want to give your energy to?
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What is it that's actually important for your own soul's fulfillment and growth
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and making the space for that by right sizing other things.
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When we say no to other things,
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we end up opening up pockets of space and time that we need in our life,
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especially important this month as I shared in the intuitive reading for this
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month that there's a big creative energy on offer for us this month.
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The opportunity to really follow our creative impulse to step into new and
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deeper layers of authentic self-expression and asking yourself like,
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"What do I need to right size in my life so that I can have energy,
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time and space for that? " And often part of our brain will come in and be like,
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"Well, I can't do that because of this or because of that.
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" And I like to kind of like follow those lines of thoughts until they dead
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end. "You can't do that. Why? "And then what? And then what will happen?
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And then what? And then what?
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And I keep asking myself that question until often I get to the point of like,
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and then I'd still be me and then I'd still have this impulse and then I'd still
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want to do this thing in life and I still would feel unfulfilled if I didn't do
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it. So why don't I just do it? Why don't I just do it?
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And so ask yourself that question. And then what?
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If part of your brain is saying," I can't do this because I can't set that time
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boundary. I can't take my energy or my attention away for that. "And then what?
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Because what you're doing is you are right sizing your life to fit the shape of
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your own soul.
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You are making the container of your life right size so that you can
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fully expand so that you can reach the kind of fulfillment that you are here to
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experience. So the deepest layer in here,
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I'm going to go I think for sensitives,
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this is the deepest layer is often relationships.
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So this goes hand in hand with time, but relationships,
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social obligations, community, those kinds of commitments,
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oftentimes these are spaces where we don't even realize that this is not the
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right shape or form or size for our lives.
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So to really ask yourself this question,
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especially as a sensitive and an empath,
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which relationships leave me feeling energized versus subtly drained?
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And that subtly part's important. Sometimes it might feel overwhelmingly
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drained, but subtly drained. Pay attention to that.
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That's your body communicating to you.
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Are there any friendships or other relationships that you're maintaining that
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are out of obligation or history?
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Do you have an active connection with this person? Does it feel emergent?
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Is this adding containers to your life where you can expand,
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where you can be your authentic self,
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or is this more a sense of obligation or shared a history that you're showing up
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for this and there's no judgment here. And when you right size your life,
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you are also right sizing the energy that you're putting into your
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relationships. And when you get that size right, that container right,
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it's like not only can you expand the relationships that are really meant to
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flourish in your life, they will expand as well,
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including calling in new relationships, people who can really meet you,
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can really see you and will really get a kick out of your authentic self. So
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on that note,
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is there someone that you have been wanting to spend more time with?
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Maybe that someone is you. Have you been needing more time for yourself,
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for your creativity? Just for quiet listening.
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Right sizing our life is about finding the right container for our soul in this
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life,
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for giving ourselves a container in this lifetime where we can fully
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expand.
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And so I really think energy and time are important,
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all those things I named are important,
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but relationships are often a key for us sensitives because
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behind a lot of the ways in which we are a lot of the other categories,
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so behind for example,
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money and behind time and behind stuff in our home are
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relationships. It's like,
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what is it that's the unsaid obligation I feel inside of my relationship to
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my partner or my children or my perceived audience or
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this old childhood friend or the church community that I'm a part of. It's like
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all of these containers behind them is really a relationship or a series of
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relationships and relationships as sensitives.
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It's both an area where we really profoundly are skilled
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and it's also our greatest challenge. It's both.
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And so right sizing the relationships that you have in your life
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will open up huge potential for you in your existence.
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So I'm going to give you a very personal recent example of this,
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that there is someone that I was spending a lot of time with and I really adore
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this person. I really enjoy being with them,
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but something inside of me just kept saying like, "Asia, you need more time.
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You need more time for yourself.
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You just need to express that you need more time for yourself." And it was so
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hard for me. It rubs up against all my conditioning to just be like, "Ah,
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I know you're really going to feel super disappointed and upset by this,
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but I just simply cannot spend as much time with you. " And what has been so
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cool about this experience, because here's the things for sensitive people,
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it's going to be a lot easier for us to get rid of stuff,
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to downgrade our house or to upgrade whatever it is you need to do to right size
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your life. It's going to be a lot easier for us to do that.
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Relationships are often the hardest space for us to right size.
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So because it's so hard and there's so much energy that's often involved in
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setting that boundary,
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what happens on the other side will be an even bigger energy of being met by
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change expansion and possibility in your life. So here's what happened for me.
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This still blows my mind. So I set this boundary of time like,
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"I can actually only spend X amount of time with you.
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" What ended up happening was because that person respected
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my time boundary,
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they heard it and I was then allowed inside of myself I felt then I was allowed
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to have more space for myself or my creative process for what I needed to do
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in life. What ended up happening is that that relationship completely flourished
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has just opened up in ways like beyond my imagining because I was willing to
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set that boundary to right size my life to say, "Hey, no judgment.
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I love you and I love the time we spend together,
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but I need this particular container right now in my life." And if that
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person hadn't been willing to hear me in that,
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that probably would've been a different story. But they were,
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they were able to hear that.
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They were able to give me that space and what has ended up happening is a
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gigantic flourishing in our connection as well as a flourishing within me
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in my general sense of wellbeing and direction in the world
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because I got feedback from the world of what it actually feels like to be
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inside of a right size container, that it's okay for me to set those boundaries,
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to really make my life be what I need it to be in order to
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flourish because oftentimes for sensitives right sizing,
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it means taking up space for yourself. It means shaping your life,
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right sizing your life so that yourself can have the space that you need
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to flourish.
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And I think there's really an invitation here to take up space in a way that you
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weren't before. When we right size our life,
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it allows our spirit to expand in the way it so deeply desires
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and you will know that it's right. So when we say the word right,
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it's really what's right for you, right?
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No one can tell you what's right for you and right sizing your life,
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but you'll know what's right because you'll feel comfortable to expand again.
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Now notice I said comfortable to expand.
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I'm not just saying comfortable because sometimes being in a too tight space can
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feel very comfortable or sometimes being in a big space that's we're used to
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maintaining can feel comfortable to a part of ourselves. You feel comfortable to
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expand. You feel comfortable to be more of yourself.
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It opens up new layers of possibility and perspective
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for you in your life.
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It's like me sleeping on that mattress in my bedroom.
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Suddenly I had all these ideas of how I could redo the bedroom with really no
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money at all,
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but redo the bedroom so that it felt more like a cozy place,
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more like a place that was mine and it has really transformed my life.
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So you'll know that it's right because you'll feel that sense that you can
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expand, that there's more possibility here.
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And the goal here is simply aliveness,
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to feel more alive in your life.
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This is why I've had so many friends that have moved out of whatever big house
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they were trying to maintain and into their vans or into a tiny house or
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have consciously walked away from big careers and in fields that
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they frankly weren't passionate about anymore to become a gardener or to become
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an herbalist or to become a poet because it was the right size for their soul.
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It was the right size for their life and do they make less money? Yeah,
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probably, but are they happier? Are they more alive?
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Do they feel more comfortable to expand? Yes, yes, yes.
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And this is the whole point of right sizing our life.
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And this is super interesting to me. Once we right size our life,
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once you do give yourself permission to do this,
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we will sometimes then end up making different choices, which is so cool.
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It's like if you were like, for example, in this relationship example, okay,
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I need more time and space from this person,
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and then you take that time and space and all of a sudden then you're like,
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wait, I actually do want to spend that day with you.
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I do want to meet up after school today. I do want to, whatever it is,
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get the kids together on a Sunday. It will open up actually your ability to
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make choices that feel more authentically aligned with you.
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And sometimes those choices are the opposite of what you might've made before,
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but it's because now you have the space to really feel yourself,
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the space to really ground in yourself,
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you have the right container in your life for your soul.
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And so it's this beautiful dance where you get to delight and surprise yourself
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the more you right size your life to meet you where you are at now
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and everything that flows into our life, even when it looks like downsizing,
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even when it looks like restriction, even when it looks like recession,
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it's here to help us right size within the
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existence that is now,
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to help us meet ourselves now and find ways to be alive in our
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current circumstances.
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And this is exactly what right sizing your life is about because the magic of
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right sizing is that when you find the right containers for yourself in this
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lifetime, you connect with the container of your soul,
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the wider oversoul that is here to hold you,
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this part of you that is wider than you, that sees the bigger picture,
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that needs the space to land on this earth and express itself fully and you
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connect to that when you are willing to claim a right sized life for
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yourself and for your life. So if this is landing
32:09
for you,
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if there's something in your life that you feel like this has all been a message
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coming through me to you to say, yes, do it, right size that thing,
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I would love to hear from you.
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You can leave me a voice message over on my website at AsiaSooler/remember or
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you can join me over on the Remember Why You Are Here Substack and leave a
32:31
message over there on this post or really anywhere.
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Let me know how this is landing for you,
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what you're ready to right size in your life. I will say in a very honest,
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open and authentic way,
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me moving to Substack was part of this whole era of me right
32:47
sizing my life. I'm not kidding when I say this one bed change,
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I just started then right sizing everything and Subseq has been a part of that
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for me. I found that being on Instagram in particular where I had over
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a hundred thousand followers and that space has been so supportive to me and so
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essential to me and my growth,
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but I found that it wasn't the right size for me anymore,
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that I wasn't able to show up with the fullness of myself,
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that I felt fragmented when I went on there,
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that a part of me felt like I was withholding some aspect of myself in my
33:20
sharing there. And I just without judgment, without being like, oh,
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this space is wrong or I'm wrong, because neither one of those things are true,
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was able to just embrace this is just not the right size for me in my life.
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I need to right size. I need to move into a space that's more intimate,
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that's more relational, that's more earnest, more authentic, slower, deeper,
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and that's exactly what Substack is. So if you'd like to join me over in that
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space and go deeper into remembering why you are here, I would love, love,
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love to see you there.
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So I am sending you so many blessings as we continue to walk through this month
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of creative impulse,
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of authentic expression of right sizing our life so that our soul can
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expand in the ways it's meant to in this life.
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And as you move through the sun that is rising in this month,
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as per our intuitive reading for this month,
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as you move into this new era of really finding the containers and the
34:17
overall structure of a life that meets you, that helps you feel creative,
34:21
that helps you be in touch with your own authentic self may also remind you of
34:26
that most essential thing,
34:28
that thing that is so helpful to connect to and that is remembering
34:33
why you're here.