Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #72| How The Science Of Connection Can Make You Feel More Fulfilled and Less Overwhelmed

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#72| How The Science Of Connection Can Make You Feel More Fulfilled and Less Overwhelmed · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

• 0:00
  Jewel Hohman: Some people, when I say that, are like, that sounds freaking awful.
• 0:08
  Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
• 0:15
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
• 0:20
  Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
• 0:32
  Michelle Gauthier: Hey friend, thanks for joining today.
• 0:35
  Michelle Gauthier: Today's episode is about friendship and the idea that sometimes, when we're an accomplished, busy working woman, that we are so busy juggling our career and our family that our social life or our friendships often just aren't part of our life.
• 0:54
  Michelle Gauthier: It is something that we just have to let go.
• 0:57
  Michelle Gauthier: When you listen to this episode today, you will learn from our expert, Jewel Homan, who is a connection coach, and she will teach us how to purposely cultivate meaningful moments so that we can deepen our friendships.
• 1:10
  Michelle Gauthier: Super practical ways to increase consistency and vulnerability, which are two main parts - She teaches us a lot about the science of friendship in this episode and then how to connect with people you already know so you're not starting from scratch, making brand- new friends and to turn just an acquaintance into a genuine friendship.
• 1:29
  Michelle Gauthier: So give this episode a listen.
• 1:31
  Michelle Gauthier: I think you're really going to love it and get a lot out of it.
• 1:34
  Michelle Gauthier: Let me introduce you to Jewel.
• 1:36
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you so much, Jewel, for being on.
• 1:39
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm so excited to talk to you.
• 1:42
  Jewel Hohman: Thank you so much! ThIt's so fun.
• 1:44
  Jewel Hohman: I just adore you so much, so it's so fun to be on your podcast.
• 1:49
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, good, good, you too.
• 1:51
  Michelle Gauthier: If I were to describe you, I would say that you are all about connection and friendship and kind of anti-loneliness and help people to create those connections.
• 2:04
  Michelle Gauthier: Is that how you would describe it?
• 2:06
  Jewel Hohman: Yes, yes, I definitely say I'm a connection coach.
• 2:09
  Jewel Hohman: It's like the first thing I lead with, because a lot of times when people hear - and I'm sure your listeners can relate but when they hear, like "friendship they think work", honestly, like they think, oh, I have another thing to do, and it's not just about increasing your social interaction or having more friends, it's about really feeling meaningfully connected to other people.
• 2:32
  Jewel Hohman: So, yeah, you said it perfectly.
• 2:34
  Michelle Gauthier: And how did you get into this line of work?
• 2:37
  Michelle Gauthier: What drew you to this and how did you decide to do this?
• 2:40
  Jewel Hohman: Yeah.
• 2:40
  Jewel Hohman: So in 2020, like so many people, I was at at home.
• 2:45
  Jewel Hohman: I actually think I met you around then, which is so fun, so you probably watched, Yeah, I think you watched this grow, which is so fun to think about these past four and a half years.
• 2:54
  Jewel Hohman: But I was coaching.
• 2:57
  Jewel Hohman: I had done so much healing around my confidence and my self-confidence.
• 3:03
  Jewel Hohman: So, so a lot of people say like, they are an introverted extrovert.
• 3:07
  Jewel Hohman: There's actually no such thing.
• 3:09
  Jewel Hohman: There's, yeah, fun fact.
• 3:11
  Jewel Hohman: We just think of introversion as shy or socially anxious, but what's actually true is we could be extroverted and be socially anxious and we could be confident and be an introvert.
• 3:23
  Jewel Hohman: And I was a socially anxious extrovert and it's such a painful experience because it's I want to go and connect with people, but I have so much anxiety about it.
• 3:32
  Jewel Hohman: Well, I had done so much work around that and then, when 2020 hit, I realized how truly lonely I was and I honestly had a lot of shame about it, but I was like I'm going to solve this problem for myself.
• 3:43
  Jewel Hohman: To be very candid as well, I had always had some sense of loneliness prior to that.
• 3:49
  Jewel Hohman: It just became glaring, glaringly obvious to me when the pandemic hit and I was like, I am not going to spend the rest of my life like this, absolutely not.
• 4:01
  Jewel Hohman: So I have a degree in psychology and sociology.
• 4:04
  Jewel Hohman: I worked in a psych lab, so I know how to read research articles.
• 4:08
  Jewel Hohman: How to, you know - there's bias, even in research.
• 4:11
  Jewel Hohman: So I dove into that and I came across some pioneers in the friendship research world and I started really learning about it and started applying it to myself.
• 4:22
  Jewel Hohman: And when I did this, and I started really learning about it and started applying it to myself, and when I did this and again, global pandemic, like we were like taking COVID tests to make sure we were safe, like all this stuff.
• 4:30
  Jewel Hohman: But when I did this and I started going on these like girls trips and I started having these events and I like truly, I really think I just had like a different energy about me as well.
• 4:42
  Jewel Hohman: People started asking me about it and they were like hey, how did, how did you do that?
• 4:49
  Jewel Hohman: How did you make those friends?
• 4:51
  Jewel Hohman: Like, can I go on your girl's trips?
• 4:53
  Jewel Hohman: And I had done -
• 4:55
  Jewel Hohman: I looked at the research, I knew the stats, I knew that we were in like, loneliness have been steadily increasing since the 1970s.
• 5:03
  Jewel Hohman: I knew that a lot of people were lonely, but when that happened, the statistic became very human to me and I was like I really am.
• 5:13
  Jewel Hohman: Like it's one thing to know logically, but it's another thing to really deeply know, I am not alone in this.
• 5:20
  Jewel Hohman: This is something that so many of us are struggling with.
• 5:23
  Jewel Hohman: Tis is something that so many of us are struggling with and, like, I'm over here silently learning about this, applying it to my life and benefiting from it, when, and not saying anything just because I felt shame about it, and so I decided right then and there, like no, I'm - if I'm going to have a business, I want it to be around this.
• 5:42
  Jewel Hohman: I want to help people learn about this, like feel meaningfully connected in their lives.
• 5:48
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, oh, my gosh.
• 5:49
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, I love it.
• 5:50
  Michelle Gauthier: Two main things that I just think I admire you so much for is just being like, I'm not willing to feel like this for the rest of my life.
• 5:57
  Michelle Gauthier: I think some people would just think I'm a lonely person and I've just always been that way, and I can't connect with people and kind of accept that and I'm so glad that you were like no, that is not going to work for me.
• 6:09
  Michelle Gauthier: I want to feel true connection, and then I love that you made it into a business so that you can help other people do that same thing.
• 6:16
  Michelle Gauthier: It's like passing along the good that you discovered for yourself.
• 6:18
  Michelle Gauthier: That's amazing.
• 6:20
  Michelle Gauthier: So I think for the people who are listening today, you've basically got an audience of accomplished, overachiever women who are feeling overwhelmed, and so what I often hear from my clients they have too much people-ness in their life.
• 6:37
  Michelle Gauthier: They might have a spouse, and kids and a boss and a team of people working for them, and so what I hear sometimes when I'm meeting with them is that they have too much connection in that way, but they're totally missing out on that friend, girlfriends, or just true friends kind of connection, but they don't have the time I'm using air quotes, like they have decided that they don't have the time to improve that, and I think most of the time what happens is they just kind of take it off the list, like hoping that it will come back someday.
• 7:13
  Michelle Gauthier: Maybe they had a lot of friends before and they're hoping to have it again, or something, but I feel like a lot of people who I speak with are kind of caught in that trap.
• 7:22
  Michelle Gauthier: Is that something that we can just put off, in your opinion, until the kids get older or we work less, or something like that?
• 7:31
  Jewel Hohman: Yeah.
• 7:31
  Jewel Hohman: So, honestly, I see a lot of clients and I have -these past four years or just so many clients that are in that situation.
• 7:39
  Jewel Hohman: I love your question of like is this something that we can put off?
• 7:43
  Jewel Hohman: Honestly, like I'm just gonna be really candid: you can, you can put off friendship until the kids are older.
• 7:51
  Jewel Hohman: You definitely can.
• 7:52
  Jewel Hohman: But also, why would you?
• 7:54
  Jewel Hohman: Because I think when we think of friendship again, it's kind of become like a chore.
• 7:59
  Jewel Hohman: It's kind of become, oh, this is just another thing on my to- do list, especially when, and most of us are in this situation, where we know more people and we're in contact with more people but we don't have the meaningful bonds that we really want.
• 8:13
  Jewel Hohman: So of course, we're just like I don't want to hang out, just to not feel emotionally fueled by this relationship, this event, whatever it may be, right.
• 8:23
  Jewel Hohman: So I get it, I deeply do, and I see clients every single week that are in that situation and what I want to offer is that connection, when we really feel connection in our bodies, because it's such a fundamental need like this is kind of like a sad thing - really sad thing to report, but I back in - oh wow, I'm really butchering the dates.
• 8:47
  Jewel Hohman: A long time ago in orphanage, there were these nuns that were taking care of these babies, and the babies were fed, they were changed, they had everything they needed, but unfortunately the babies, most of them, 90% of them died and the nuns were like, what is happening?
• 9:03
  Jewel Hohman: Why is that?
• 9:04
  Jewel Hohman: And it was because that child didn't feel connected to anybody in the world and it was like, well, I'm not going to survive, even though it had nutrition, even though there weren't any diseases, even though it was like being again being changed, taken care of.
• 9:17
  Jewel Hohman: So they made changes and you know that didn't happen again.
• 9:20
  Jewel Hohman: However, like that's how fundamental of a need this really is for us.
• 9:25
  Jewel Hohman: And so when we do feel connected, meaningfully connected to other people, our bodies react to stress differently.
• 9:32
  Jewel Hohman: We recover faster, we have more energy, and think about it: we have like, if we're feeling connected, we have more emotional space to process the negative emotions and we share and then therefore increase the positive emotions that we have.
• 9:48
  Jewel Hohman: So there's just so many things I could say because, especially for overwhelmed, like working moms, like I want you to feel connected, honestly, more than anybody, because when you feel connected and I'm sure, like I know, you do this in your work right, helping them -that impacts the entire family, that impacts your kids, that it's just such a ripple effect, like we know, that moms being happy in their lives is such a big determinant for their kids satisfaction.
• 10:16
  Michelle Gauthier: So that makes me think.
• 10:19
  Michelle Gauthier: I had my sister-in-law and one of my cousins over for dinner the other night, and both of them are really close friends of mine.
• 10:28
  Michelle Gauthier: I hadn't seen my cousin in a while.
• 10:30
  Michelle Gauthier: nd my kids were here too and they were kind of in and out.
• 10:33
  Michelle Gauthier: We were having dinner and they were kind of in and out, and the next day my daughter, who's 13, was like oh my gosh, mom, you were being so funny, I could just tell you were so happy, you were being so silly.
• 10:42
  Michelle Gauthier: She could recognize that I was feeling so connected and happy and it just made me happy to give her that example.
• 10:51
  Michelle Gauthier: And I think your point is so good.
• 10:52
  Michelle Gauthier: If a mom prioritizes hey, I'm going to go spend time with my friends, you get to spend time with your friends, or I'm going to make time for my friends even though I'm really busy at work, r I'm going to make time for my friends even though I'm really busy at work, I think it really sets a good example.
• 11:08
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so if somebody is feeling stuck and in that position where maybe they have friends but they're kind of they've lost connection with them, or they just need new friends and they don't want to just be friends with whoever they end up sitting next to at the baseball game of their kid.
• 11:23
  Michelle Gauthier: What can they do?
• 11:25
  Michelle Gauthier: What are some things they can do that aren't super time consuming?
• 11:28
  Jewel Hohman: Absolutely/ so.
• 11:29
  Jewel Hohman: I was actually in this situation as well in 2020.
• 11:33
  Jewel Hohman: I had friends, I had people and again, like I said earlier, I spent the majority of my life kind of feeling lonely and it is related to attachment styles and mindsets and things like that.
• 11:43
  Jewel Hohman: But we really need to increase our capacity to connect because we know that there's a science to meaningful friendship.
• 11:49
  Jewel Hohman: It's been studied, we have it Like it's not a mystery.
• 11:52
  Jewel Hohman: I think a lot of us think it just happens to us or it doesn't, and that's probably why we wait or don't take any action on it.
• 11:58
  Jewel Hohman: But and I'll get into that, I'm sure, but there is like a science to friendship.
• 12:03
  Jewel Hohman: But the way that we fuel ourselves to do any of the other tips that I could give, or action steps, is to really expand your capacity to connect and start to look for connection, because when we feel connected, we just create more of it.
• 12:17
  Jewel Hohman: Like, my favorite example is if I'm in a headspace where I'm thinking about people in my life that I feel really connected to, y life that I feel really connecte, what's going to happen is I'm going to think of something and I'm going to call them, even if it's for five minutes.
• 12:30
  Jewel Hohman: I'm going to send them a text and be like oh my gosh, like how did this thing go Right?
• 12:34
  Jewel Hohman: And it doesn't have to be something I put on my to-do list like reach out to my friends, because so many people do that.
• 12:40
  Jewel Hohman: It becomes something I really want to do and have desire for, because I've expanded my capacity to connect.
• 12:47
  Jewel Hohman: I am almost like putting on connection glasses, if you will.
• 12:50
  Jewel Hohman: So that's like the biggest, biggest thing and I'll always come back to that.
• 12:54
  Jewel Hohman: But as far as some things that people can do is, honestly, I think book clubs are absolutely amazing and they also apply, like they utilize, like the three necessities for meaningful friendships.
• 13:09
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, what are those?
• 13:10
  Michelle Gauthier: I can't wait to learn this.
• 13:11
  Michelle Gauthier: Tell me, yeah, it's so fun.
• 13:14
  Jewel Hohman: It's so fun.
• 13:14
  Jewel Hohman: So if you can picture like a triangle, we move people from like acquaintances to upper triangle, to deeper, like just for I don't love this term, but just for the sake of it like best friends.
• 13:28
  Jewel Hohman: , e even do this.
• 13:30
  Jewel Hohman: This also works like with our partners, who we end up with.
• 13:34
  Jewel Hohman: We do the same thing with them.
• 13:37
  Jewel Hohman: So, picturing that triangle, how we move somebody from acquaintance up to friend, close friend, best friend, are through three things, and this has been really studied and put together by a woman named Shasta Nelson.
• 13:49
  Jewel Hohman: She's like the friendship research pioneer, so gotta give credit where credit's due.
• 13:53
  Jewel Hohman: Thank you, shasta Nelson.
• 13:54
  Jewel Hohman: She's like the friendship research pioneer, so gotta give credit where credit's due.
• 13:56
  Jewel Hohman: Thank you, shasta.
• 13:56
  Jewel Hohman: But so if you imagine the triangle, at the bottom of the triangle are meaningful moments, and these I say meaningful moments because they're moments where we have like share, like a positive, if you will, meaningful emotion with somebody.
• 14:09
  Jewel Hohman: So this can be a laugh, this can be like having fun, this can be being goofy, this can be also just feeling, seen in a conversation, like, oh, they understand me.
• 14:22
  Jewel Hohman: This can also be though, for example, we're teared up about something that happened at work.
• 14:28
  Jewel Hohman: We're at work and our coworker pulls us aside and like talks to us about it that being seen by that person and feeling supported is also a meaningful moment.
• 14:40
  Jewel Hohman: So that's the basis for all of it.
• 14:42
  Jewel Hohman: And a lot of times when we have friends, close friends, and we're not feeling super connected to them, it's normally because there are things getting in the way of that base.
• 14:52
  Jewel Hohman: And how we move people up our triangle is like on each side of the triangle there's two things.
• 14:57
  Jewel Hohman: So on one side there's consistency.
• 15:00
  Jewel Hohman: Some people hear that and then they immediately groan and I hear you, we're going to make it super simple.
• 15:06
  Jewel Hohman: So consistency can really be broken down into two parts: history and frequency.
• 15:12
  Jewel Hohman: This is why so many people and I get this -okay, I'm going to like rant about my pet peeve a little bit because and I get it it's just because people don't understand but they're not informed.
• 15:23
  Jewel Hohman: But I get this all the time where people are like, well, I just want like a really low- maintenance friendship where, like I had, like I have with my best friend, like I only talked to her four times a year but I feel so connected to her.
• 15:35
  Jewel Hohman: You do because you have a lot of history with that person.
• 15:39
  Jewel Hohman: You were friends since kindergarten.
• 15:41
  Jewel Hohman: You were friends since college.
• 15:42
  Jewel Hohman: You were roommates at one point, right, like you have history of meaningful moments built up with this human so you can feel so deeply connected to them and not talk to her for three months.
• 15:54
  Jewel Hohman: Yeah, so there's that.
• 15:57
  Jewel Hohman: The other side is frequency, and this is why so many of us become really close to our coworkers, because we see them every day like that frequent interaction.
• 16:05
  Jewel Hohman: So it's really the combination between those two things.
• 16:09
  Jewel Hohman: It's not like one or the other.
• 16:10
  Jewel Hohman: And then on the other side of the triangle is vulnerability.
• 16:14
  Jewel Hohman: Some people hear that and they're like oh my gosh, yes, like, I want to have these emotional conversations and really see somebody.
• 16:22
  Jewel Hohman: They love it.
• 16:22
  Jewel Hohman: Some people, when I say that, are like that sounds freaking awful, so no matter where you are.
• 16:30
  Jewel Hohman: One way to really think about vulnerability is that vulnerability is just seeing more of somebody and them seeing more of you in a way that feels safe and satisfying.
• 16:40
  Jewel Hohman: So one of my favorite examples is like a coworker.
• 16:43
  Jewel Hohman: If that coworker has only ever seen you at work and then comes home to your house, like they're seeing you, that's vulnerable because they're seeing you in your home and the way you run your home and the way you decorate it.
• 16:56
  Jewel Hohman: As we increase consistency, vulnerability, we have those meaningful moments.
• 17:01
  Jewel Hohman: That's how we move somebody up our triangle and it's the same thing Again.
• 17:04
  Jewel Hohman: We've done the same thing throughout the dating process with our partners, but it's every single friendship ever, ever in the history of the world has those three things.
• 17:15
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, it has those three absolute pieces.
• 17:18
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that makes so much sense.
• 17:20
  Michelle Gauthier: So what I think I hear you saying is, if you really want to have more close friendships, you need more meaningful moments and vulnerability, and either history or frequency.
• 17:33
  Jewel Hohman: Yes, yeah, and there's normally a lot of, if you will, like, thought barriers and things like that that gets in the way of actually making this as easy as it truly honestly can be and fun and fun as it can be.
• 17:47
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, I bet that's true.
• 17:48
  Michelle Gauthier: Just the way that people think about it.
• 17:50
  Michelle Gauthier: They kind of quit before they start.
• 17:52
  Michelle Gauthier: I love your idea of a book club.
• 17:54
  Michelle Gauthier: I started a book club once, actually twice, in two different cities and it turned out to be one of my most favorite things ever and I made such great friends and had no idea that I was creating the triangle.
• 18:04
  Michelle Gauthier: But that's exactly what it was.
• 18:07
  Jewel Hohman: Right, because you're having a lot of frequency, you're building up that history.
• 18:12
  Jewel Hohman: It's very consistent and you're having those meaningful moments and then your vulnerability, like share your opinions with each other.
• 18:18
  Jewel Hohman: So yeah, book clubs are really great.
• 18:21
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, that's so perfect, I think I just got back like on Sunday just got back from a girls trip with some of my high school friends who I don't have frequency with Maybe a few of them I'll see a couple times a year, but they're mostly people who I don't see very often and some of them I have a lot of history with and some of them less so.
• 18:42
  Michelle Gauthier: But it was interesting to me to notice that I was building deeper connections with people and getting to know, I'm using air quotes, but kind of getting to know and not re-know, just getting to know things about the person that I never knew about them, maybe something about their family or a struggle that they've had or whatever.
• 19:01
  Michelle Gauthier: And I thought it was so interesting because I had this weird new friend, old friend feeling at the same time.
• 19:07
  Michelle Gauthier: And so do you suggest that when people are looking for friends, should they look among the friends that they already have and try to build a deeper connection, or do you suggest starting with like a newer friend?
• 19:21
  Michelle Gauthier: What do you think?
• 19:22
  Jewel Hohman: That is such a beautiful example.
• 19:25
  Jewel Hohman: I'm so glad you shared it because I think it really shows too, there's always like new levels and new areas to get to know somebody and I think that can be like just such a beautiful experience and connection.
• 19:40
  Jewel Hohman: I'm so glad you shared that.
• 19:41
  Jewel Hohman: I really believe that most of us have already met people that could be or for lack of a better word ideal friends.
• 19:50
  Jewel Hohman: Most of us know so many people.
• 19:53
  Jewel Hohman: I think about, like even in just you know, in our coaching world, how many groups and people we've met and like things that we've been a part of right.
• 20:02
  Jewel Hohman: So many people, and that goes for everybody listening.
• 20:05
  Jewel Hohman: Like you've been a part of groups in college, you've been a part of communities at work, like you really probably have met people that you could have meaningful bonds with that are fulfilling and that are your ideal friends.
• 20:16
  Jewel Hohman: So I love to suggest that because I think for a lot of people, when they think, oh, I need friends, they immediately go to, I need to go meet people.
• 20:26
  Jewel Hohman: And that's for a lot of people where the dread comes in because they're like that sounds like a lot of work.
• 20:33
  Jewel Hohman: You're also, you know, like dating.
• 20:34
  Jewel Hohman: Yeah, yeah, yep, exactly.
• 20:38
  Jewel Hohman: So I think that's where a lot of the dread comes in.
• 20:42
  Jewel Hohman: But what I did myself, and what I think is so fun and this also again just expands your capacity to connect, just doing this in general but when I did this myself, I brainstormed.
• 20:52
  Jewel Hohman: I had no idea that this is what I was doing, ut it was this myself.
• 20:54
  Jewel Hohman: I brainstormed.
• 20:54
  Jewel Hohman: I had no idea this is what I was doing, but it was so genius.
• 20:55
  Jewel Hohman: I brainstormed okay, who are all of the people that I have really connected with?
• 21:01
  Jewel Hohman: And I knew that I wanted certain things out of my friendships.
• 21:06
  Jewel Hohman: I knew I wanted to be friends with people that were close to me, like geographically, and that were emotionally intelligent and wanted to have these emotional conversations.
• 21:18
  Jewel Hohman: I also wanted to befriend people that were really active in making an impact in the world.
• 21:25
  Jewel Hohman: So I listed as many as I could okay, as many as I could and I landed on and it sounds creepy, but I actually just launched a podcast recently and I had two of my friends on and I explained to them how I made them my friends, like the science of it, and it was so fun.
• 21:43
  Jewel Hohman: Oh my gosh, that's funny.
• 21:45
  Jewel Hohman: Oh, it was the first time I've done that without being influenced by a bottle of wine, but it was so fun, it really can be so easy.
• 21:52
  Jewel Hohman: But I prioritize, like, okay, I'm going to go, like these people are close to me, these four women, I'm going to apply these three things to these people.
• 22:02
  Jewel Hohman: nd I did four women because I didn't want to be attached to like this has to work right, like kind of like dating, like I didn't want to be attached to, like these have to be my new best friends.
• 22:16
  Jewel Hohman: But those people that I prioritize, these were people that I already knew and I reconnected with after like three or four years of not speaking to them and we're so afraid to do that.
• 22:29
  Jewel Hohman: But, honestly, you're already starting off at some level of consistency, vulnerability, and meaningful moments when you do that.
• 22:36
  Jewel Hohman: So why not just make it easier on yourself?
• 22:40
  Jewel Hohman: It's not that you can't go out and meet new friends and that that's not a beautiful experience, but I just think it's really again expands your capacity to connect, because a lot of us are lonely, not because we don't know enough people, not even because we're not around enough people, but because we don't have the bonds that we want.
• 22:57
  Jewel Hohman: So why not just start with, like our group of populations, like our pool, if you will, that we already have, you know.
• 23:03
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, I absolutely love that and I think some of this I had to learn because I moved to different cities than I was from.
• 23:11
  Michelle Gauthier: I feel like a lot of times if people don't move, they just tend to have friends, just naturally have friends.
• 23:18
  Michelle Gauthier: And I think when you have to go out and make new friends and make real friends, you have to do verything you're talking about makes so much sense to me.
• 23:27
  Michelle Gauthier: I never knew the science behind it, but it makes so much sense and sometimes it really did feel like dating, like oh, I hope she liked me as much as I like her.
• 23:35
  Michelle Gauthier: Can I ask her to go out to lunch now again, can I try to create another date with her somehow?
• 23:41
  Michelle Gauthier: But in all those cases where I felt super uncomfortable, I'm so glad I did, I'm so glad I did.
• 23:48
  Michelle Gauthier: That's how I ended up making a few more - because my attitude was kind of my college friends are just my best friends and so you can say, well, I already have best friends, but it's nice to have like a really close friend where you're living at the time, or like someone you see all the time because your kids are in the same things or, like you said, a coworker or whatever.
• 24:07
  Michelle Gauthier: So I love that.
• 24:08
  Michelle Gauthier: I love the way that you're approaching it.
• 24:10
  Michelle Gauthier: I also love the way that you keep saying it can be so fun, it can be so easy, like this isn't another job we have to do.
• 24:16
  Michelle Gauthier: It's not like cleaning out your fridge.
• 24:19
  Michelle Gauthier: You get to just like meet someone cool and have fun with them, and I love that.
• 24:23
  Jewel Hohman: Yeah, I'm really glad you pointed that out and talked about like making new friends.
• 24:28
  Jewel Hohman: But again, when we are in a place where we have the ability, the capacity to really feel connected, it's just something that we typically kind of do as well.
• 24:37
  Jewel Hohman: I just moved back home after being gone for so long, way back to my hometown and there's a girl in the town over that I met and I thought she was awesome and I realized I was like, oh, wow, this is like, I used to not be this way at all.
• 24:53
  Jewel Hohman: Okay, not because, but I was sort of like really building the friendship with her and I realized like, oh, it's because I really want to connect with someone close to me, like geographically, but it was also that I had capacity to do that and I think that that is really important, because what we also know is that our friendships, if you will like, our friendship triangles, they change every seven years and I think for a lot of people this is where a lot of hurt comes in.
• 25:20
  Jewel Hohman: Like research shows, they change every seven years and I think we get really hurt because we'll be really close to somebody like a best f, and I know I'm guilty of this and this is the beautiful thing about friendship, but if we're not having capacity to connect with other people, it'd be really hurtful.
• 25:33
  Jewel Hohman: eautiful thing about friendship, but if we're not having capacity to connect with other people, it'd be really hurtful.
• 25:40
  Jewel Hohman: But when that friendship started to change and I right, like we weren't spending as much time together, like our dynamics have changed, maybe like people move away, that can be really painful.
• 25:46
  Jewel Hohman: And if so we're not having capacity to connect with more people, that beautiful fluidity of friendship can really really suck.
• 25:57
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, absolutely yes.
• 25:59
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, I have two more questions for you, and then I want to ask you you know where people can follow you and tell us the name of your podcast.
• 26:08
  Michelle Gauthier: We'll say it again at the end, but what's the name of your podcast?
• 26:11
  Jewel Hohman: Yeah, the Socially Delightful Podcast.
• 26:13
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh, so delightful.
• 26:14
  Michelle Gauthier: Just like you, I love it.
• 26:16
  Michelle Gauthier: That's such a great name.
• 26:17
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, we'll put a link to that so that people can have fun and make an easy time of making real connections.
• 26:24
  Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
• 26:24
  Michelle Gauthier: So these are two questions that I ask all of my guests.
• 26:27
  Michelle Gauthier: The first question is when you feel overwhelmed, what is something that you can do to make yourself feel better, like how can you bring yourself down from that stress?
• 26:37
  Jewel Hohman: I love that.
• 26:38
  Jewel Hohman: I think, and you know, owning a business like going to from like so many people, going from working, like being an employee to owning a business is also such a mindset shift.
• 26:53
  Jewel Hohman: But I think one thing that I have had to really deeply learn is that I'm not actually going to quote unquote be productive from that overwhelmed emotion.
• 27:07
  Jewel Hohman: Like that overwhelmed emotion right, it's so fast and like that feeling it's so draining that I'm not actually going to, if you will, like get things done.
• 27:20
  Jewel Hohman: So I think what has been so helpful for me is to like sit with that, regulate myself and I'm really big too, because I have ADHD, as some people might be able to tell.
• 27:34
  Jewel Hohman: I mean that bounce around, getting so excited, excited, but I have ADHD and so my brain also doesn't prioritize as easily, and so that has been personally really helpful, as well as being like, okay, I don't actually want to do everything.
• 27:51
  Jewel Hohman: Even if it's exciting, that's not actually the truth.
• 27:54
  Jewel Hohman: I don't have to do everything, so regulate myself, and think about, what are the most important things?
• 28:00
  Michelle Gauthier: I think that's so perfect.
• 28:02
  Michelle Gauthier: I think the most powerful part of what you said is just having the knowledge that, okay, I'm overwhelmed, which means I'm not going to do anything productive, so I might as well prioritize getting myself out of this overwhelm or even just leaving my office, because you'll probably be more productive if you do that.
• 28:18
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, that's great.
• 28:19
  Michelle Gauthier: That's great.
• 28:19
  Michelle Gauthier: And then the second question is what's something that you do in order to do less or just make things more simple for yourself?
• 28:30
  Michelle Gauthier: Like, do you have any tips and tricks that you do to save time or do less?
• 28:34
  Jewel Hohman: Yeah, and this has influenced my business, my connections.
• 28:38
  Jewel Hohman: But I really like to go back to, how am I living my life?
• 28:42
  Jewel Hohman: Now, that might sound really basic, but what I mean by that is, like, okay, on a week to week basis, am I living it the way that's important to me and a way that's aligned with what I value?
• 28:53
  Jewel Hohman: at I value and that is something that I've grounded myself, that I always like come back to and, honestly, if I'm being very upfront, like that was a huge reason why I did this anyway, because I was like I want connection and laughter, like support, you know, to be a part of my life, and if it's not even being a part of like, like my week, like then when is it going to be?
• 29:17
  Michelle Gauthier: going to b Yeah, that makes sense.
• 29:19
  Michelle Gauthier: So you're prioritizing making sure you always have what you want in your life, instead of just wasting time doing something without thinking about it.
• 29:28
  Jewel Hohman: Yeah, and I love the way you phrased that question too, though, Michelle, because you said like how does it make things like simple?
• 29:34
  Jewel Hohman: And that makes it really simple for me is to be like, what is important for me and how I live my life it's not a super long list, right.
• 29:46
  Jewel Hohman: It's like, okay, take care of my body, do what I want to do with my business and create the memories I want to create.
• 29:52
  Jewel Hohman: So that helps me always filter back down as well.
• 29:56
  Jewel Hohman: So those are really beautiful questions.
• 29:59
  Michelle Gauthier: That's great.
• 30:00
  Michelle Gauthier: That's great.
• 30:01
  Michelle Gauthier: It's so fun because nobody ever says the same thing and you just get so many different takes on things.
• 30:05
  Michelle Gauthier: It's fun, okay, so tell us where we can find you if people want to follow you, listen to your podcast, all that stuff, and we'll put that in the show notes.
• 30:14
  Jewel Hohman: Yeah, so you can find me at Connection with Jewel.
• 30:18
  Jewel Hohman: Jewel is spelled J-E-W-E-L, like a gem or a rock, and same thing with ConnectionWithJewel.
• 30:23
  Jewel Hohman: com.
• 30:24
  Jewel Hohman: We just put out these new freebies that we're really excited about.
• 30:29
  Jewel Hohman: These trainings were used in the largest women's conference in my state, so I was really excited.
• 30:35
  Jewel Hohman: We made them free for everybody.
• 30:37
  Jewel Hohman: So the trainings are how to belong at any event and how to make a friend at any event, and not jhow to meet somebody right, and not just how to interact more but how to make a friend.
• 30:50
  Jewel Hohman: So it goes a little bit more well actually probably a lot of it more into the triangle and science.
• 30:59
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh, I love that, so they could actually get, like, download a free worksheet or something that they could use.
• 31:03
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, oh, I love that.
• 31:04
  Michelle Gauthier: That's so great.
• 31:05
  Michelle Gauthier: I love the concept of belonging anywhere, because every time, I mean, I feel like all of us naturally go somewhere, like even to our coaching masterminds that we used to go to and you'd think, do I belong here?
• 31:17
  Michelle Gauthier: I shouldn't say you, I think, do I belong here?
• 31:20
  Michelle Gauthier: And kind of deciding that you do and deciding to make friends at a place like that, I think that's awesome, awesome.
• 31:27
  Michelle Gauthier: I've learned so much.
• 31:29
  Michelle Gauthier: This has been such a fun interview.
• 31:30
  Michelle Gauthier: I was just thinking as you were talking, that I need to text a couple of my friends and just tell them how glad I am that they're in my life.
• 31:38
  Michelle Gauthier: So I'm going to do that.
• 31:39
  Michelle Gauthier: I want to take that as a takeaway.
• 31:40
  Jewel Hohman: Actually, okay.
• 31:42
  Jewel Hohman: So one last thing, because it's so beautiful what you just said.
• 31:45
  Jewel Hohman: So by us talking about it, you started thinking about your people and feeling connected to them, and then you're like, oh, now I want to go do this and thank them, that's it, y'all.
• 32:03
  Jewel Hohman: kay, that's it, y'all Okay, that's it.
• 32:04
  Jewel Hohman: It's feel good stuff, because I know right, we're talking to overwhelmed women here.
• 32:06
  Jewel Hohman: It can feel good.
• 32:06
  Michelle Gauthier: I just really want to emphasize that, and you just provided such a perfect exampl She didn't even tell me to say that you guys, that was just naturally what came out of my mouth.
• 32:12
  Michelle Gauthier: That's so great, so good, oh good.
• 32:16
  Michelle Gauthier: Well, thank you so much, and it was awesome to see you and spend time with you and connect with you, yeah, same Work on my triangle, my triangle with Jewel Same absolutely.
• 32:27
  Jewel Hohman: SThank you so much.
• 32:28
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you so much for listening today.
• 32:30
  Michelle Gauthier: Hopefully you took away some good information from our guest Jewel on how to create meaningful friendships as a woman who is busy and sometimes overwhelmed.
• 32:40
  Michelle Gauthier: If you aren't already on my mailing list, you should be.
• 32:44
  Michelle Gauthier: There is a link in the show notes where you can sign up.
• 32:46
  Michelle Gauthier: You will get a weekly email from me that has all kinds of helpful information.
• 32:51
  Michelle Gauthier: You'll also get an email when a new podcast comes out, so you never have to miss one.
• 32:56
  Michelle Gauthier: Thanks and see you next week comes out, so you never have to miss one.
• 33:01
  Michelle Gauthier: Thanks and see you next wee
• 33:06
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
• 33:08
  Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegothier.
• 33:11
  Michelle Gauthier: com.
• 33:11
  Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.