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Understanding the Neuroscience of Low Self Esteem and How to Improve it · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:10
Speaker 1: Hello, my beautiful beans, and welcome to the episode of Today.
0:16
Speaker 1: So this episode I'm actually pretty excited about because ages ago,
0:20
Speaker 1: because well, this is coming out well today as you're
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Speaker 1: listening to it. But I'm recording this weeks in advance,
0:27
Speaker 1: and I started planning this episode a little bit earlier,
0:30
Speaker 1: and I even put on my socials. I was like
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Speaker 1: filming the computer like for the studies that I was doing,
0:37
Speaker 1: being like, I'm going to do an episode on the
0:39
Speaker 1: neural basis of self esteem and low self esteem and
0:42
Speaker 1: what that looks like in the brain, and the amount
0:44
Speaker 1: of DMS that I got people being like, this is
0:46
Speaker 1: so interesting. This is exactly what I want to hear
0:49
Speaker 1: and what I love about this particular episode. And I
0:52
Speaker 1: try to bring this into as many episodes as possible,
0:54
Speaker 1: but sometimes I get caught up more in the psychology
0:57
Speaker 1: over the neuroscience. Is that this one is quite neuroscience
1:01
Speaker 1: heavy in the sense that I talk a lot about
1:04
Speaker 1: regions of the brain. And also I'm going to remind
1:06
Speaker 1: you guys, will give you a refresher if you haven't
1:08
Speaker 1: already about gray matter and white matter in the brain
1:12
Speaker 1: and how what is physically happening in the brain can
1:16
Speaker 1: have an impact on our moods and primarily well what
1:19
Speaker 1: we're talking about in this episode, how it can have
1:21
Speaker 1: such a big impact on your self esteem. And what
1:24
Speaker 1: I love so much about the brain and what we're
1:27
Speaker 1: learning from neuroscience is that there's so many things that
1:30
Speaker 1: can contribute to making changes neuroplastic self directed neuroplastic changes
1:36
Speaker 1: in the brain that will then have a positive impact
1:39
Speaker 1: on your mood. And then it's like kind of this
1:42
Speaker 1: flow on effect. The better your mood is, the easier
1:44
Speaker 1: it is to make these changes in the brain which
1:46
Speaker 1: then positively impact your mood, and then it goes on
1:48
Speaker 1: and on and on, kind of like what happens in reverse.
1:51
Speaker 1: You know why sometimes you can feel like you're in
1:53
Speaker 1: this kind of pit that you can't climb out of
1:56
Speaker 1: because you've spiraled down in kind of the opposite direction.
1:59
Speaker 1: The beauty is in almost every case there can be
2:04
Speaker 1: changes that you can make in the brain through what
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Speaker 1: I call self directed neuroplasticity. Now, before we get into
2:10
Speaker 1: the episode, I just because I've already just mentioned it.
2:15
Speaker 1: When we talk about neuroplasticity, there's you want to look
2:18
Speaker 1: at it as two kind of versions of it, Neuroplasticity
2:23
Speaker 1: just means that the brain is plastic and that it
2:26
Speaker 1: can change itself. So it can rewire, it can strengthen
2:29
Speaker 1: new connections, it can weaken other connections. It can do
2:32
Speaker 1: programs sell death, which is it's called apoptosis, which is
2:36
Speaker 1: where like cells on urins, a program to die because
2:39
Speaker 1: they're not being used or because of whatever. So you're
2:41
Speaker 1: always seeing changes within the brain. You're always seeing certain
2:45
Speaker 1: regions that are hyper connected others that are not. That's neuroplasticity,
2:49
Speaker 1: and neuroplasticity can be to benefit you, like you're growing
2:54
Speaker 1: new connections, you're expanding the networks in the brain. But
2:57
Speaker 1: neuroplasticity can also serve to hinder you. So for example,
3:01
Speaker 1: if you get into unhealthy patterns, if you get into
3:03
Speaker 1: really addictive behaviors, if you or everything that I've spoken about,
3:07
Speaker 1: like mood disorders as well, your brain goes through neuroplastic
3:10
Speaker 1: changes that actually can hurt you or that are not helpful.
3:14
Speaker 1: To put it lightly or to put it broadly, what
3:18
Speaker 1: I talk about a lot in this podcast is something
3:21
Speaker 1: called self directed neuroplasticity, and that is where you have
3:24
Speaker 1: an idea of where you want to be, or the
3:27
Speaker 1: changes that you'd like to make, or the kind of
3:29
Speaker 1: thoughts that you would like to have, or all kinds
3:31
Speaker 1: of things like I want to be more driven. I
3:33
Speaker 1: want to be someone that you know has better tenacity,
3:36
Speaker 1: better will power, more grit and through practice, through behaviors,
3:41
Speaker 1: through sleep patterns, through what you eat, through all this everything,
3:46
Speaker 1: when you do that, it actually creates what is called
3:49
Speaker 1: self directed neuroplasticity, where you choose how your brain begins
3:54
Speaker 1: to rewire itself. So that when we talk about neuroplasticity
3:58
Speaker 1: for the good, I want you to think of it
4:00
Speaker 1: as self directed neuroplasticity. And when we talk about neuroplasticity
4:04
Speaker 1: in general, it's a very broad term which can encompass
4:07
Speaker 1: the good and definitely also the bad. So it's not
4:10
Speaker 1: always good when you hear neuroplasticity. However, ideally self directed neuroplasticity,
4:15
Speaker 1: that's kind of where it's at, and that's what we're
4:18
Speaker 1: going to be touching on today in this episode. Now,
4:21
Speaker 1: I don't have a specific brain fact, because the whole
4:22
Speaker 1: thing is pretty much a brain fact really in this episode,
4:25
Speaker 1: but one thing that I do want to touch on
4:27
Speaker 1: before I get into kind of the weeds of this
4:31
Speaker 1: episode is gray matter and white matter within your brain,
4:35
Speaker 1: and it's really important to understand the difference between the two.
4:37
Speaker 1: I think I've brushed on this relatively recently, but hey,
4:42
Speaker 1: we're all here to consolidate information in our brain and repetition,
4:46
Speaker 1: is it fine? So gray matter. If you look at
4:48
Speaker 1: brain scans, you'll sometimes see a bit of a contrast
4:51
Speaker 1: in like images of a brain scan. And you know,
4:54
Speaker 1: even if you don't study in neuroscience, I'm sure you've
4:56
Speaker 1: seen it either on TV or in whatever, where you
4:59
Speaker 1: see like the dissection of a brain and it's obviously
5:03
Speaker 1: quite wrinkling whatever, but you've got gray and white that
5:06
Speaker 1: makes up this image of the brain. So the white
5:09
Speaker 1: is fat. It's called myelin, and it's created by these
5:14
Speaker 1: particular cells, and the fat serves to protect basically in
5:19
Speaker 1: a nutshell, the fat serves to protect the cells, and
5:22
Speaker 1: it also serves to conduct information and electricity or electrical
5:27
Speaker 1: impulses or action potentials a lot faster in a more
5:30
Speaker 1: efficient way. So if you have good levels of fat
5:34
Speaker 1: in your brain, and of course good levels of fat
5:37
Speaker 1: in your diet, we're talking Omega three in particular, Dha
5:40
Speaker 1: omega three, which is in like fatty fishes and all
5:42
Speaker 1: of that. And I've spoken about this in a recent
5:45
Speaker 1: Brain Fact episode about dha omega three. You can get
5:49
Speaker 1: it in algae, you can get it in I think
5:51
Speaker 1: eggs as well. There's a whole bunch of things. Or
5:52
Speaker 1: you can supplement with that as well. When you have
5:56
Speaker 1: these healthy fats, it actually contributes to having healthy fats
5:59
Speaker 1: within the brain. Okay, so we're talking about that. That's
6:02
Speaker 1: basically the white matter in the brain. Gray matter in
6:06
Speaker 1: the brain is your neurons, your dendrites, your acts, everything
6:12
Speaker 1: that's not basically not the fats, but also not blood
6:14
Speaker 1: or not cerebral spinal fluid. So gray matter is the
6:18
Speaker 1: cells within the brain. Now, when you see scans of
6:22
Speaker 1: really old brains, you will see that there's a reduced
6:27
Speaker 1: volume of gray matter in the brain. The lumpy parts
6:31
Speaker 1: of the brain if you look at these scans, look
6:32
Speaker 1: like a skinnier and that's due to something called atrophy.
6:35
Speaker 1: So it's where it wastes away. The cells basically die off.
6:41
Speaker 1: You get connections that die off, and you get actual
6:44
Speaker 1: neurons and glile cells that die off as well. So
6:47
Speaker 1: basically your brain is made up of neurons, which is,
6:49
Speaker 1: you know, what's responsible for everything that we do, our thoughts, everything,
6:54
Speaker 1: And then there the brain cells. And then for every
6:57
Speaker 1: one neuron that we have in the brain, we have
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Speaker 1: ten up to ten glile cells, and glile cells workers
7:03
Speaker 1: supporting cells and structures, and they do fucking everything other
7:08
Speaker 1: than thoughts and behaviors and all of that. So that's
7:12
Speaker 1: all gray matter. Now what you're going to realize when
7:15
Speaker 1: I talk about when I'm talking about self esteem in
7:17
Speaker 1: this episode, I'm going to be referring to gray matter
7:19
Speaker 1: and gray matter volume quite a bit. So it's really
7:21
Speaker 1: important that I talk about the difference between gray and
7:23
Speaker 1: white matter. So when you think about gray matter and
7:25
Speaker 1: a reduction in gray matter volume, we're talking about a
7:27
Speaker 1: reduction in neural connections in synapses. When you talk about
7:33
Speaker 1: synapto plasticity, you're talking about the ability the brain's ability
7:38
Speaker 1: to create new connections from cell to cell that's a synapse,
7:41
Speaker 1: a connections synaps And then also we're talking about neurons themselves.
7:46
Speaker 1: So if neurons die, and if you get a big
7:50
Speaker 1: loss of neurons throughout the brain, then you're going to
7:52
Speaker 1: see a lot of atrophy and that's a reduction in
7:54
Speaker 1: gray matter within the brain. Okay, So that kind of
7:57
Speaker 1: summarizes what I'm pretty much trying to talk about in
8:00
Speaker 1: this entire episode. But let's talk about self esteem to
8:06
Speaker 1: start with. So basically, also before I get into it,
8:11
Speaker 1: if you are interested in doing further reading and want
8:13
Speaker 1: to read more of a scientific journal paper, there's a
8:15
Speaker 1: really good one that I came across while putting this
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Speaker 1: episode together, and it was published in Nature, and it's
8:19
Speaker 1: called The Hippocampus Underlies the Association between self esteem and
8:23
Speaker 1: Physical Health. That's a great paper to read if you're
8:26
Speaker 1: into that kind of shit. So what is self esteem?
8:29
Speaker 1: So self esteem to put it fucking to put it
8:36
Speaker 1: easily or basically or whatever, it's the extent to which
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Speaker 1: we feel negatively or positively about ourselves. Okay. So it
8:43
Speaker 1: represents the individual, the person's self evaluation of their own
8:48
Speaker 1: worth and what their attitude toward themselves is. Okay. So
8:54
Speaker 1: people with high self esteem are going to have higher resilience.
8:58
Speaker 1: And this is resilience when it comes to deal with stresses,
9:01
Speaker 1: stress on their mental health and stress on their physical health.
9:04
Speaker 1: Their resilience is just higher. In general, people with high
9:07
Speaker 1: self esteem are more comfortable making decisions. They're more comfortable
9:11
Speaker 1: backing themselves. They can stand up for themselves. They are
9:14
Speaker 1: better at taking rejection, copying rejection. And they're also more
9:19
Speaker 1: focused when it comes to problem solving when issues arise
9:23
Speaker 1: in their lives. So they are more kind of proactive
9:27
Speaker 1: looking for a solution, seeing where a solution can be made.
9:32
Speaker 1: They are really good at just having their own back
9:35
Speaker 1: when the chips are down. They have an appreciation for themselves.
9:39
Speaker 1: And it also self esteem and high self esteem low
9:42
Speaker 1: also has to do with your beliefs around your worthiness
9:46
Speaker 1: to be happy, which is really interesting, I think because
9:50
Speaker 1: I think we don't really we don't really think about
9:53
Speaker 1: this consciously that often, but do we ever really question
9:56
Speaker 1: how worthy we are to feel happy? And I think
9:59
Speaker 1: a lot of peop people who have low self esteem
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Speaker 1: maybe haven't questioned themselves on that. But it's really interesting
10:04
Speaker 1: to ask yourself that kind of question because then it
10:07
Speaker 1: gives you a gauge of where you're at you with
10:09
Speaker 1: your self esteem. Now, people with low self esteem are
10:13
Speaker 1: likely to doubt themselves, not necessarily in every area of
10:16
Speaker 1: their life, but there is that level of self doubt.
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Speaker 1: So you might be really really good at your job,
10:21
Speaker 1: at your career, at you know, and you're not getting
10:25
Speaker 1: you know, so you don't doubt yourself in that area.
10:27
Speaker 1: But then maybe in other things you doubt yourself. Maybe
10:30
Speaker 1: you're quite critical on just your physicality and how you talk,
10:34
Speaker 1: and you feel awkward and you are constantly analyzing yourself.
10:38
Speaker 1: So in other areas of your life, but in general,
10:41
Speaker 1: they doubt themselves. They struggle to set boundaries, and they
10:44
Speaker 1: struggle to say no, so they kind of allow people
10:47
Speaker 1: potentially to walk all over them and don't do much
10:50
Speaker 1: about it. They're people pleases. Not to say that all
10:54
Speaker 1: people pleasers have low self esteem, but people with low
10:58
Speaker 1: self esteem in general are likely to be people pleasers.
11:01
Speaker 1: They seek approval from others regularly. They struggle within their relationships. Again,
11:07
Speaker 1: this is a generalization. It doesn't apply to everyone. It's
11:10
Speaker 1: not saying that if you have low self esteem you've
11:11
Speaker 1: got unhealthy relationships. But it can be a struggle because
11:16
Speaker 1: you struggle to set boundaries, so therefore it can represent
11:18
Speaker 1: issues within a relationship. They engage in negative self talk,
11:23
Speaker 1: and they often will compare themselves to other people. Okay, now,
11:27
Speaker 1: what causes low self esteem. There's so many fucking factors
11:30
Speaker 1: that can cause low self esteem. Now one of the major, major, major, major,
11:33
Speaker 1: major ones, but it is not exclusively. This is certain
11:37
Speaker 1: things in your upbringing. So if you were raised in
11:41
Speaker 1: an environment where maybe your parents were really really critical,
11:44
Speaker 1: if you where they made you feel self conscious about
11:48
Speaker 1: your body, about your appearance, about your abilities, that will
11:53
Speaker 1: make you potentially that might manifest as low self esteem.
11:58
Speaker 1: Also bullying, so you might have had a great upbringing
12:00
Speaker 1: in the household, but you were bullied at school and
12:03
Speaker 1: you were rejected and left out and abandoned by your peers.
12:07
Speaker 1: That also can cause self esteem issues, even though you
12:10
Speaker 1: might have had a really healthy upbringing within the household.
12:13
Speaker 1: Just abandonment in general. Some people whose you know, parents
12:17
Speaker 1: weren't really there for them, or one parent who leaves
12:19
Speaker 1: and you know, they felt this massive void in their
12:23
Speaker 1: life that may contribute to this. Always comparing yourself in general,
12:29
Speaker 1: or being compared to somebody else. If you grew up
12:31
Speaker 1: always being compared to somebody else, so you didn't even
12:34
Speaker 1: start doing it, it was other people that were doing it
12:36
Speaker 1: that can cause it. Mental health conditions like mood disorders
12:39
Speaker 1: such as depression that also contributes to low self esteem,
12:43
Speaker 1: and it can also be something that happens when you're
12:47
Speaker 1: older as well. It doesn't have to be in your upbringing,
12:49
Speaker 1: So it could be you could be cruising through life,
12:52
Speaker 1: everything's fine to have great self esteem, and then you
12:54
Speaker 1: could have like a really big heartbreak that absolutely like
12:58
Speaker 1: crumbles you, and then all of a sudden you start
13:00
Speaker 1: doubting yourself. It impacts you in all these different ways.
13:03
Speaker 1: Or maybe you had really unhealthy relationship and that's kind
13:06
Speaker 1: of fucked with your head. Another thing that will contribute
13:10
Speaker 1: to low self esteem, according to science and psychology, is
13:14
Speaker 1: a big, ongoing stressful event later on in your life.
13:18
Speaker 1: So this is things like financial trouble, the breakdown of
13:21
Speaker 1: for business, not able to find employment, the breakdown of
13:24
Speaker 1: a relationship where you're left heart broken, so and then
13:28
Speaker 1: also unhealthy controlling relationships where you are made to second
13:32
Speaker 1: guess yourself and you feel that you've lost your independence.
13:35
Speaker 1: Those are all contributing factors to potentially having low self esteem. Now,
13:41
Speaker 1: like I said, a lot of these things do stem
13:43
Speaker 1: from childhood, but there's many many factors that can cause
13:45
Speaker 1: it later on in life. Like I can personally say
13:48
Speaker 1: that overall growing up, I had, you know, great upbringing,
13:52
Speaker 1: really healthy, secure attachment, all of that. But and while
13:55
Speaker 1: I consider myself quite confident in general, definitely, the times
13:59
Speaker 1: where my confidence suffered the most and where I would
14:02
Speaker 1: doubted myself and my abilities the most were after like
14:05
Speaker 1: big heart breaks and or like during unhealthy relationships, because
14:11
Speaker 1: you kind of made to second guess yourself even if
14:14
Speaker 1: it's not related to the relationship. So there were times
14:16
Speaker 1: where I would doubt my intelligence and my ability to
14:20
Speaker 1: return to university, my ability to do this certain things
14:23
Speaker 1: because I was feeling low about myself in the relationship setting.
14:27
Speaker 1: So I think it's really important to think that just
14:30
Speaker 1: because you've got one stressor in this area, it doesn't
14:33
Speaker 1: stay kind of exclusive to that. It can actually bleed
14:36
Speaker 1: into other areas if your life and impact other areas
14:38
Speaker 1: of your life. So just be aware of that and
14:40
Speaker 1: pay attention. Because we're very like holistic beings. Okay, so
14:44
Speaker 1: it's we've got to kind of look at the bigger
14:46
Speaker 1: picture to understand what's going on in our brains. Okay,
14:51
Speaker 1: now let's talk about what it looks like in the brain.
14:54
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about what it looks like in
14:55
Speaker 1: the brain and then I'm going to talk about how
14:57
Speaker 1: you can start to turn around and your low self esteem.
15:03
Speaker 1: So you have high self esteem, okay, because it can.
15:06
Speaker 1: There's always work that can be done, and no matter
15:08
Speaker 1: where you start off, if you do these things that
15:10
Speaker 1: I tell you, some will be things that you can
15:12
Speaker 1: do on your own, some may need to be guided
15:14
Speaker 1: with a therapist, but in general, if you do it,
15:17
Speaker 1: you will see some changes, okay, if not huge changes. Okay,
15:22
Speaker 1: So how does it look like in the brain. So reachers,
15:24
Speaker 1: researchers have found that self esteem was related to hippocampal volume,
15:31
Speaker 1: both in young and older adults. Okay, so this gray matter,
15:37
Speaker 1: now we're talking about gray matter in the brain. This
15:39
Speaker 1: gray matter volume was basically positively correlated with self esteem.
15:44
Speaker 1: And this region was larger in people with high self esteem,
15:47
Speaker 1: and then that region, that same region of the brain
15:50
Speaker 1: was smaller or more atrophied in people with low self esteem. Now,
15:54
Speaker 1: the hippocampus, I've spoken about the hippo campus probably like
15:57
Speaker 1: at least fifty five billion times on the history throughout
16:01
Speaker 1: the history of this podcast. But the hippocampus is in
16:04
Speaker 1: charge of many fucking things. Memory, memory, consolidation, emotions, processing
16:12
Speaker 1: of emotions, so that's a big one, processing of emotions
16:16
Speaker 1: and then learning as well. So you're seeing that this
16:20
Speaker 1: particular region of the brain, you see a size difference
16:25
Speaker 1: based on people's levels of self esteem, and it correlates small,
16:30
Speaker 1: smaller volume hippo campus lower self esteem, bigger volume gray
16:34
Speaker 1: matter volume in the hippocampus higher levels of self esteem.
16:38
Speaker 1: So basically this region of the brain above all other
16:42
Speaker 1: regions as far as the science shows what we are seeing,
16:49
Speaker 1: it seems to have the highest correlation with self esteem. Now,
16:51
Speaker 1: people with low self esteem how to reduce levels of
16:56
Speaker 1: regional gray matter volume in areas in the brain responsible
16:59
Speaker 1: for self regulation in response to threatening and stressful events
17:03
Speaker 1: and stressful experiences, which means that if you've got low
17:06
Speaker 1: grain out of volume in that particular region, it means
17:09
Speaker 1: that there's less activity, there's less resources in the brain
17:14
Speaker 1: being used in that area, so there's more atrophy or
17:16
Speaker 1: there's less kind of energy being spent on keeping that
17:19
Speaker 1: part of the brain as active as maybe somebody that
17:22
Speaker 1: would have high self esteem with more volume there. So
17:24
Speaker 1: if you're seeing reduced gray out of volume in the
17:27
Speaker 1: areas that are responsible to being able to self regulate
17:31
Speaker 1: your emotions around threatening and stressful events. What does that mean.
17:35
Speaker 1: It means that someone with low self esteem struggles to
17:38
Speaker 1: self regulate their emotions. And a big one of that,
17:41
Speaker 1: like a big example of that is avoidance. Someone who
17:43
Speaker 1: just avoids, doesn't face their emotions, avoid a word avoid.
17:46
Speaker 1: And then because they're avoidant or because they can't regulate
17:49
Speaker 1: at all. Of course, that brainon region starts to atrophy
17:52
Speaker 1: more and more and more or not even atrophy, but
17:54
Speaker 1: it's just not being grown. You're not seeing new connections
17:58
Speaker 1: being made there like someone will with high self esteem
18:01
Speaker 1: who can regulate their emotions. I'm going to talk about
18:04
Speaker 1: emotional regulation a bit more in depth a little bit
18:06
Speaker 1: later on. So these results of that regional gray matter volume,
18:11
Speaker 1: they are consistent with a whole ton of research that
18:15
Speaker 1: there already is on neuronal structure, basically showing that neural
18:20
Speaker 1: atrophy in those same areas is present in effective disorders.
18:26
Speaker 1: So effective disorders, an example of that is depression. Okay,
18:29
Speaker 1: so we're seeing this really close link between reduced volume
18:33
Speaker 1: in certain brain regions in low self esteem and also
18:36
Speaker 1: in mood disorders such as depression. Now there's other neuroanatomical
18:41
Speaker 1: evidence that suggests that the anterior singular cortex the ACC,
18:46
Speaker 1: plays a really large role in emotional regulation, so it's
18:50
Speaker 1: really important to help you self regulate your own emotions.
18:53
Speaker 1: And reduced gray matter here is also found to contribute
18:58
Speaker 1: to difficulty in regulating negative emotion and ruminating. Ruminating is
19:03
Speaker 1: very present in people with low self esteem and also
19:07
Speaker 1: in people with depression. So we're seeing another brand region
19:09
Speaker 1: and another example of lower gray matter volume in the
19:14
Speaker 1: anterior anterior singular cortex. Okay, So on the flip side,
19:20
Speaker 1: high levels of gray matter in this ACC area is
19:24
Speaker 1: attributed to cognitive reappraisal. So basically, cognitive reappraisal is this.
19:30
Speaker 1: It's a strategy that you can use that helps you
19:33
Speaker 1: regulate your emotions. And people with high self esteem are
19:36
Speaker 1: very good at implementing this cognitive reappraisal. Some people just
19:40
Speaker 1: do it subconsciously, they don't realize that they're doing it.
19:43
Speaker 1: Other people who don't know to do it subconsciously. When
19:46
Speaker 1: they learn about it, you can start to do it
19:48
Speaker 1: consciously and you're going to start to really reap a
19:50
Speaker 1: lot of benefits from this cognitive reappraisal. Okay, So I
19:54
Speaker 1: will be talking about that in a second as well.
19:57
Speaker 1: But basically, in a nutshell, what this reappraisal is reinterpreting
20:01
Speaker 1: the meaning of an event that has occurred after the fact.
20:05
Speaker 1: So it is this adaptive behavior that you can do.
20:08
Speaker 1: For example, a really basic example is you're walking down
20:11
Speaker 1: the street, you see someone you know, you wave at them.
20:15
Speaker 1: That person kind of looks in a different direction and
20:17
Speaker 1: walks off. Someone with low self esteem is like, oh
20:20
Speaker 1: my god, this person has avoided me. That what the
20:22
Speaker 1: fuck have I done? I've fucking cooked it, I've done something,
20:26
Speaker 1: And then you start spiraling. Then you start looking at
20:28
Speaker 1: their instagram. Have they like what could have what? And
20:32
Speaker 1: so you're going nuts being like I'm now spiraling. Someone
20:35
Speaker 1: with high self esteem would be like, oh, they must
20:36
Speaker 1: have been on the phone. Oh they must have been distracted,
20:39
Speaker 1: Like they just instantly think they could have fucking palmed
20:44
Speaker 1: me off. But the likelihood is probably that they just
20:47
Speaker 1: didn't see me, or maybe they saw me, but they're
20:50
Speaker 1: so in the zone and stressed. But then they didn't
20:53
Speaker 1: react fast enough, they didn't respond, and by the time
20:55
Speaker 1: they turned around, being like, oh, actually I know that person,
20:58
Speaker 1: you've turned the corner and didn't see them. So that's
21:00
Speaker 1: a very very basic example of cognitive reappraisal, where an
21:04
Speaker 1: event occurs and it could be relatively you could be
21:08
Speaker 1: interpreted as negative, but someone with high self esteem is
21:10
Speaker 1: just gonna benefit of the doubt kind of situation. I'll
21:14
Speaker 1: just presume that this person was busy or whatever. It's
21:16
Speaker 1: not gonna affect me. I'm not carrying this with me
21:18
Speaker 1: throughout the day. I'm sure it's fine whatever, you know,
21:20
Speaker 1: especially if there's no evidence to support that this person
21:23
Speaker 1: was angry with you. So that's one of the examples.
21:27
Speaker 1: So basically, one thing that we are saying is that
21:29
Speaker 1: this not being able to regulate your emotions or avoid
21:33
Speaker 1: your emotions altogether is very heavily linked with low self esteem.
21:37
Speaker 1: And it's this inability to regulate your emotions. And when
21:40
Speaker 1: I talk about an inability to regulate your emotions, I'm
21:43
Speaker 1: not saying that you're someone that flies off the handlebise.
21:45
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people think if I say
21:46
Speaker 1: you can't regulate your emotions, it means you snap, or
21:49
Speaker 1: you get angry, you go crazy, not at all. One
21:51
Speaker 1: of the major signs of someone who can't regulate their
21:53
Speaker 1: emotions is someone who is not willing to face and
21:57
Speaker 1: experience and feel their emotions, so they will shut down, suppress,
22:02
Speaker 1: push it away. If you were raised in a way
22:05
Speaker 1: that you don't cry, boys don't cry, you know, you know,
22:09
Speaker 1: up you go like it's fine, it's fine, you're fine,
22:10
Speaker 1: You're fine, don't worry about it. You know, you know,
22:13
Speaker 1: you need to be stronger. I get a backbone. All
22:14
Speaker 1: of that. Where you weren't taught to feel your feelings
22:18
Speaker 1: and allow you weren't allowed to have a safe space
22:20
Speaker 1: to cry and all of that, then maybe you're someone
22:22
Speaker 1: that is really good at bottling it up and not
22:25
Speaker 1: going through your emotions. That is an example of someone
22:28
Speaker 1: that can't regulate their emotions because you are scared to
22:32
Speaker 1: feel your emotions. You're scared to sit in them, and
22:35
Speaker 1: you're scared to kind of like see what comes up,
22:38
Speaker 1: what crops up. Because you don't want to be faced
22:41
Speaker 1: with that, you just keep suppressing it. But the problem
22:43
Speaker 1: with that, of I mean, other than the obvious problems
22:47
Speaker 1: that's going to cause, is that it will always manifest
22:50
Speaker 1: in another way. Your the body. There's a book by
22:53
Speaker 1: this title and I love it. But the body keeps
22:55
Speaker 1: the fucking score. So if you that's not. The book
22:57
Speaker 1: is called the Body keeps the score, not the fucking score.
23:00
Speaker 1: But it's so true. So when you bottle something up,
23:03
Speaker 1: it manifests in another way. So it could be it
23:05
Speaker 1: could manifest in chronic stress, it could manifest well in
23:08
Speaker 1: this case, in low self esteem. It could manifest in
23:10
Speaker 1: physical problems not healing better, having emotional problems later on
23:17
Speaker 1: in life, depression, all these things. So when you bottle
23:21
Speaker 1: up your feelings, they're not going away. They're staying inside you,
23:25
Speaker 1: but going somewhere else. That's how you have to look
23:26
Speaker 1: at it. So someone who can't regulate their emotions, it
23:28
Speaker 1: doesn't mean they're someone that snaps and goes crazy. It
23:31
Speaker 1: means that they I mean, it could but in general
23:34
Speaker 1: that they're not dealing with their emotions in a healthy way. Now, yes,
23:40
Speaker 1: so pretty much. There's one thing that I've banged on about,
23:43
Speaker 1: especially lately in the episodes of Late, is that it
23:47
Speaker 1: is so important for your mental health to feel and
23:51
Speaker 1: experience your emotions. Because while everything I do is geared
23:56
Speaker 1: to being overall happier, to having a really healthy relationship
23:59
Speaker 1: with yourself, of part of being a happy person entails
24:03
Speaker 1: feeling all your emotions and allowing yourself to feel the lows,
24:07
Speaker 1: feel the anxiety, feel the stress, become acquainted, become well
24:11
Speaker 1: fucking acquainted with your emotions. And then when you have,
24:14
Speaker 1: when you allow yourself to feel, you allow yourself to
24:17
Speaker 1: be there for yourself, You trust yourself more and it
24:20
Speaker 1: actually makes you happier overall. So being a happy person
24:24
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you have to be happy in every
24:26
Speaker 1: single moment or every single day, but it means that
24:30
Speaker 1: in order to be happy, you have to go through
24:33
Speaker 1: all the emotions that are there that you need to
24:35
Speaker 1: be feeling basically. So now let's talk about how to
24:38
Speaker 1: change this. I think I've got four points how you
24:42
Speaker 1: can start turning around your self esteem. If you've got
24:47
Speaker 1: low self esteem, let's get straight into it. Okay, So
24:54
Speaker 1: the first one we're going to talk about is something
24:57
Speaker 1: called affect regulation. So this is your ability to manage
25:03
Speaker 1: and appropriately respond to your experience of emotions. So, if
25:07
Speaker 1: you've not been taught growing up or just in general
25:12
Speaker 1: how to sit with or cope with your emotions, if
25:14
Speaker 1: you've basically been taught to suppress your emotions, then you're
25:18
Speaker 1: likely to fear when emotions are going to crop up,
25:21
Speaker 1: and that then that fear is going to bring on anxiety, distress, insecurities,
25:27
Speaker 1: and then you want to avoid it at all costs.
25:29
Speaker 1: You think it's you think feeling your feelings is going
25:31
Speaker 1: to be worst case scenario. I'm not going to be
25:33
Speaker 1: once I go down that black hole, I'm never going
25:34
Speaker 1: to be able to climb out. That's what you think,
25:36
Speaker 1: even though that's not the case. So, like I was
25:40
Speaker 1: mentioning earlier, if you've been taught that you always have
25:42
Speaker 1: to suck it up or you'll be fine, you'll be fine,
25:44
Speaker 1: you'll be fine when you're in a crisis, then maybe
25:46
Speaker 1: you're someone that's because of that, not learned to deal
25:49
Speaker 1: with your emotions in a way that doesn't scare you,
25:52
Speaker 1: in a way that doesn't make you spiral. Like I really,
25:55
Speaker 1: it grinds my gears when someone is going through a
25:57
Speaker 1: really fucking terrible time and people are like, you'll be fine,
26:01
Speaker 1: you'll be fine, you'll be fine, because it's like, cunt,
26:04
Speaker 1: of course, you're going to be fine, you're not going
26:06
Speaker 1: to die. But they only to be told that right now,
26:08
Speaker 1: because by saying you'll be fine, you're dismissing the fact
26:11
Speaker 1: that they need to allow themselves to have a safe
26:14
Speaker 1: space to experience these emotions, don't try and hurry them
26:18
Speaker 1: up like quick, get better, get better, get better. It's
26:20
Speaker 1: important that people can sit with their emotions because when
26:23
Speaker 1: you tell yourself, I'm having an emotion, but I'm letting
26:25
Speaker 1: myself sit with it, you are telling yourself, I can
26:28
Speaker 1: control my emotions, I can regulate. I'm allowed to feel.
26:32
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to go to the depths of this moment
26:36
Speaker 1: in whatever I'm feeling and learn about myself, learn about
26:41
Speaker 1: my needs, learn about what's made me sad, learn about
26:44
Speaker 1: what I value in this situation, what I've lost, what
26:46
Speaker 1: I've learnt these emotions, the depths of your emotions teaches
26:50
Speaker 1: you a lot about yourself, and you don't want to
26:52
Speaker 1: be skimming over them. So yeah, if you're always this
26:56
Speaker 1: kind of persons like you'll be fine, You'll be fine,
26:57
Speaker 1: come on quick, snap out of it. That's actually quite unhealthy.
27:01
Speaker 1: And if people have always done that to you, then
27:03
Speaker 1: you're probably going to repeat the same thing and do
27:06
Speaker 1: it to yourself later on. So yeah, the ability to
27:09
Speaker 1: sit with your emotions, to process your emotions, to accept
27:12
Speaker 1: all your emotions has a really strong link to self
27:14
Speaker 1: esteem and self love if basically it's saying like, if
27:20
Speaker 1: you're accepting of your emotions, you are accepting of yourself.
27:23
Speaker 1: So if you're avoiding your emotions, you're avoiding yourself. Or
27:27
Speaker 1: you're basically saying, I can't you know, I'm not I'm flawed,
27:31
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough on all of that. So it's
27:32
Speaker 1: really important to ask yourself, how am I dealing with
27:36
Speaker 1: my emotions when they come up? Because if you are
27:39
Speaker 1: always like suppressing, then that's going to cause you know,
27:44
Speaker 1: all these emotional insecurities along the way, and that's things
27:46
Speaker 1: like well obviously low self estem but then it also
27:50
Speaker 1: causes mood disorders, feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem, depression, anxiety,
27:55
Speaker 1: basically the list goes on. But if you're someone that
27:58
Speaker 1: has really really low self esteem, there is therapy that
28:01
Speaker 1: you can do where you work with It's called like
28:05
Speaker 1: affect regulation therapy. There might be other names for it,
28:10
Speaker 1: but that's kind of when I was doing my research,
28:12
Speaker 1: that's what it seems to be called, and it's you
28:14
Speaker 1: work alongside a therapist in something where you work with
28:18
Speaker 1: this kind of thing called the window of tolerance and
28:22
Speaker 1: you learn where your emotional tolerance window is, and you're
28:25
Speaker 1: learning to kind of widen that window of tolerance and
28:29
Speaker 1: also learning to come back from when your hypo or
28:32
Speaker 1: hyper aroused emotionally. But that's often done with a therapist.
28:38
Speaker 1: So if you're thinking that maybe you want to explore
28:40
Speaker 1: this further with a therapist, look into that window of
28:43
Speaker 1: tolerance and affect regulation therapy and you might find some
28:46
Speaker 1: really really good resources there and people that can help
28:49
Speaker 1: you deal with your emotions. Get really good at regulating
28:52
Speaker 1: your emotions, which will have a very positive and very
28:54
Speaker 1: direct link and impact on your self esteem for the good.
28:59
Speaker 1: The next thing that's really interesting is pride and pride
29:04
Speaker 1: in the good way, because you can be like too
29:06
Speaker 1: proud and all of that, but we're taught. I'll explain
29:08
Speaker 1: it in a second, but pride pays a plays a
29:11
Speaker 1: really big role in self esteem, So noting things that
29:15
Speaker 1: you are proud of within yourself. It's not about having
29:19
Speaker 1: too much pride, but it's like, what can you look
29:21
Speaker 1: back on what you've achieved or what you are as
29:25
Speaker 1: a person, or how you contribute to others and feel proud.
29:29
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of evidence to back that showing
29:33
Speaker 1: self pride. Healthy self pride is a really big reflector
29:37
Speaker 1: of high self esteem. So there is this joy that's
29:41
Speaker 1: derived from achievement, from your own appraisal of yourself. This like,
29:48
Speaker 1: I've got a positive appraisal of myself because I just
29:51
Speaker 1: completed this task or I've done that thing, or I've
29:54
Speaker 1: helped this person or blah blah blah blah blah. But
29:56
Speaker 1: then also there's a lot of joy that's derived from us,
30:00
Speaker 1: the people who you care about, like people that are
30:03
Speaker 1: close to you, that give you positive appraisals through positive feedback.
30:07
Speaker 1: So I think it's really important that there's two things
30:09
Speaker 1: you want to do here. Number one, you want to
30:11
Speaker 1: be identifying your strengths and think of how you can
30:15
Speaker 1: play into those strengths. For example, oh, I'm actually a
30:19
Speaker 1: really good friend. How can I think of times that
30:21
Speaker 1: I've been a really good friend to people? You know?
30:22
Speaker 1: How can I? So you start to think of how
30:25
Speaker 1: you play into those strengths. It could be career wise,
30:27
Speaker 1: but you're trying to think of what can I be
30:29
Speaker 1: proud of within myself? And then, interestingly enough, and this
30:32
Speaker 1: sounds counterintuitive because we talk about not caring what people
30:35
Speaker 1: think but often when we think about what people think
30:38
Speaker 1: of us, it's for the negative. This exercise is trying
30:41
Speaker 1: to put yourself in the perspective of someone who's viewing
30:44
Speaker 1: you in a positive light. So a really good example
30:48
Speaker 1: of that is, think, how have I helped other people
30:50
Speaker 1: or contributed to someone else in a way that I
30:53
Speaker 1: know they're viewing me in a positive way. So you
30:56
Speaker 1: could think, well, my best friend would really love that
31:00
Speaker 1: I do XYZ for them, or my friends would really
31:03
Speaker 1: appreciate me as a member of our group because we
31:06
Speaker 1: have so much fun together and I make them laugh
31:08
Speaker 1: and this. So for someone who's got low self esteem,
31:11
Speaker 1: it might be quite a challenge to do that. And
31:12
Speaker 1: for someone with really healthy levels of self love and
31:15
Speaker 1: high self esteem, they could probably rattle off a thousand
31:18
Speaker 1: things that they contribute to the friendship group, and without
31:20
Speaker 1: being a cock, they could be like, well, yeah, I
31:24
Speaker 1: do contribute to this friendship group. I am a fucking
31:26
Speaker 1: great friend, I am really helpful. My friends would value
31:29
Speaker 1: having me there, They would really appreciate me, just like
31:31
Speaker 1: I appreciate my friends. So trying to view yourself through
31:35
Speaker 1: a positive lens through the eyes of someone else who
31:39
Speaker 1: loves you or who enjoys your company is a very
31:43
Speaker 1: very good exercise to make you feel prouder within yourself
31:47
Speaker 1: of what you have to contribute, what you have to offer,
31:49
Speaker 1: how you can make yourself useful to other people and
31:51
Speaker 1: to yourself. That is a big, big, very helpful exercise
31:55
Speaker 1: that you can do that's going to help your overall
31:59
Speaker 1: selfish Because we're very fucking good at thinking what will
32:03
Speaker 1: people think of us? For the negative? But why don't
32:06
Speaker 1: you try and exercise what you think what will people
32:08
Speaker 1: think of me in the positive? Especially people that actually
32:11
Speaker 1: like you? Okay? The third one is self talk. So,
32:18
Speaker 1: like I said, people with low self esteem, they engage
32:20
Speaker 1: in negative self talk, but people with high self esteem
32:24
Speaker 1: are likely to engage in or not even likely, they
32:27
Speaker 1: in general engage in positive self talk. So your words
32:31
Speaker 1: reflect in general your feelings, and your feelings have a
32:37
Speaker 1: massive impact on how you're going to experience the world.
32:40
Speaker 1: And if you're feeling low about yourself, it's going to
32:43
Speaker 1: impact your behavior that day. It's going to impact how
32:45
Speaker 1: you interact with people. It's going to impact the level
32:48
Speaker 1: of interaction you have with people and with strangers. If
32:51
Speaker 1: you are talking down to yourself, I'm not confident, I'm
32:55
Speaker 1: not this, I'm not that. Then what do you think
32:56
Speaker 1: your interaction is going to be with strangers that day
32:59
Speaker 1: Versus someone who's saying I have really good interactions with
33:02
Speaker 1: strangers in general, people are really nice. I expect the
33:05
Speaker 1: best from people like it. So you're going in with
33:07
Speaker 1: a completely different attitude and you're likely to have much stronger,
33:10
Speaker 1: better connections when you interact with people out there. So
33:13
Speaker 1: your self talk really does determine your experience day to day.
33:20
Speaker 1: So I think it's really important to basically find things
33:26
Speaker 1: that you can say to yourself that is backed by belief,
33:30
Speaker 1: and that is what's strongly correlated to high self esteem
33:33
Speaker 1: because I am very big on affirmations, but affirmations that
33:38
Speaker 1: feel right to you, okay. So it's important that your
33:42
Speaker 1: words are important, especially when they align with your feelings,
33:46
Speaker 1: with your emotions. If a word and an emotion are aligned,
33:50
Speaker 1: that's basically what you're subconsciously going to be putting out. Okay.
33:54
Speaker 1: So if you want to improve your self talk and
33:56
Speaker 1: you think, well, there's not one positive thing I can
33:59
Speaker 1: say about myself right now now where I feel confident
34:02
Speaker 1: in myself, then the best next step is to find
34:05
Speaker 1: a neutral thought. So if positive affirmations feel too far
34:10
Speaker 1: fetched for you, then think, how can I neutralize this thought?
34:13
Speaker 1: And so it feels really real. So my feelings correlate
34:17
Speaker 1: with my words. The moment you feelings correlate with your words,
34:20
Speaker 1: you begin to make changes in your brain every fucking time. So,
34:23
Speaker 1: for example, if you say I'm a failure, I always
34:27
Speaker 1: fucking fail at everything, I'm a fucking I just can't.
34:31
Speaker 1: How do we neutralize that? Because maybe you're not going
34:33
Speaker 1: to turn around and say I'm a winner. I'm a winner,
34:34
Speaker 1: I win at everything, because you could say that and
34:36
Speaker 1: if you believed it, great, it's gonna be great. But
34:38
Speaker 1: if you say that and you're like, I feel like
34:40
Speaker 1: a fuck wit sitting on my bed saying I'm a
34:43
Speaker 1: winner when I've literally just failed at like three things
34:46
Speaker 1: in a row. I'm not a com right now, So
34:48
Speaker 1: then you start spiraling again, it almost makes it worse.
34:50
Speaker 1: So what's a neutralizing thought? You can say, I am
34:53
Speaker 1: capable of succeeding at what I put my mind to.
34:59
Speaker 1: And an example of this is and you pull out
35:01
Speaker 1: something in your past where you have completed a task,
35:04
Speaker 1: or you have won something, or you have gotten to
35:06
Speaker 1: the finish line of something. So then you're like, Okay,
35:09
Speaker 1: I'm being a bit universal with my negative language and
35:11
Speaker 1: not a failure. Are I failed at this one thing? Now?
35:14
Speaker 1: Is it possible for me to return and do better
35:16
Speaker 1: and prepare differently on whatever and do well. It's possible. Okay,
35:19
Speaker 1: So that's neutralizing thoughts. You're saying, this is possible. Here's
35:23
Speaker 1: an example off where I've done well. I'm really being
35:25
Speaker 1: very universal with this language. Need to be a bit
35:28
Speaker 1: more specific. That's neutralizing. And then you talk yourself down
35:31
Speaker 1: off the ledge. And the beautiful thing about neutralizing thoughts
35:33
Speaker 1: is you're bringing into You're bringing your prefrontal cortex into
35:38
Speaker 1: the fucking arena where you can basically regulate your thoughts
35:43
Speaker 1: and your emotions. This is the logic mind, the mind
35:46
Speaker 1: that can step in and say wait a minute, sit down,
35:50
Speaker 1: can't like, calm the fuck down to the amigdal Olympic system,
35:54
Speaker 1: the emotional part of the brain, and it's kind of
35:56
Speaker 1: saying just take a seat. This is actually like, you
35:59
Speaker 1: take it too far. Let's calm down. You're being too
36:04
Speaker 1: what's it called catastrophic with your language. We're going to
36:07
Speaker 1: reword that in this way. Once you feel that you
36:10
Speaker 1: accept that neutral thought, then it's a whole lot easier
36:12
Speaker 1: to be like, Okay, I don't have that anxiety anymore.
36:15
Speaker 1: It is true I could do better. I could. And
36:17
Speaker 1: once that sits comfortably, then you'll notice that when you
36:20
Speaker 1: say something like I'm having a really good day today,
36:23
Speaker 1: Today's going to be a winning day. Good things are
36:25
Speaker 1: going to happen to me today. That doesn't feel so
36:27
Speaker 1: far fetched. And then you are primed for good things
36:29
Speaker 1: to happen to you that day. You are looking for
36:31
Speaker 1: good things to happen to you that day. You feel
36:33
Speaker 1: worthy enough for good things to happen to you that day,
36:36
Speaker 1: and therefore you're going to experience better things that day. Okay,
36:40
Speaker 1: so your self talk, and it's not just me banging
36:43
Speaker 1: on about it. It's not just you know, there is
36:45
Speaker 1: a lot of scientific evidence to back the importance of
36:48
Speaker 1: positive self talk on your neural networks, on gray matter volume,
36:54
Speaker 1: on levels of self esteem, on increasing the levels of
36:56
Speaker 1: self esteem, depression, anxiety, all of that, All of the
37:00
Speaker 1: things start to turn around and get better when you
37:02
Speaker 1: start engaging in positive self talk. But remember it has
37:05
Speaker 1: to align with your emotions, so it's all well and
37:07
Speaker 1: good to say shit twenty thousand times a day, but
37:11
Speaker 1: are you saying it, thinking about it and aligning it
37:14
Speaker 1: with your emotions? That's the key. That's the key. And
37:17
Speaker 1: if it doesn't align with how you're feeling, then just
37:19
Speaker 1: scale it back a bit to neutralize it until you're like,
37:22
Speaker 1: this feels real, I can roll with this, I can
37:24
Speaker 1: sit with this, feel comfortable with this. Okay. And then
37:27
Speaker 1: the last one, and this sounds pretty obvious, but unfortunately
37:31
Speaker 1: for many people we get stuck in this. The last
37:34
Speaker 1: one is to pay very close attention to your adult relationships. Okay,
37:39
Speaker 1: adult relationships are one of the main causes for low
37:43
Speaker 1: or high self esteem. That is so important to remind
37:47
Speaker 1: yourself of it. It is so fucking important to remind
37:50
Speaker 1: yourself that your adult relationships are a direct indicator if
37:55
Speaker 1: you're going to have high self esteem or low self
37:57
Speaker 1: esteem the people you surround yourself. If you fucking sleep
38:01
Speaker 1: with dogs, you're gonna get fleas. If you hang around
38:04
Speaker 1: with kunts, you're going to have low self esteem. Okay,
38:08
Speaker 1: So when you're a child, there's nothing you can do
38:11
Speaker 1: about it. But now you're an adult, and now you
38:13
Speaker 1: can be picky and it's hard if you grew up
38:16
Speaker 1: where you have low self esteem, but that's no reason
38:19
Speaker 1: for you to not do the hard work to give
38:21
Speaker 1: yourself a chance now at having high self esteem. So
38:23
Speaker 1: I want you to do a bit of an inventory
38:25
Speaker 1: on your adult relationships, especially the close ones. I'm not
38:28
Speaker 1: talking about that one dickhead that you work with that's
38:29
Speaker 1: really painful. Okay, there's going to be people in your
38:31
Speaker 1: life that you can't ultimately avoid in general, but we're
38:35
Speaker 1: talking about the people that you hold close to your heart.
38:37
Speaker 1: What do these relationships look like? And a good rule
38:40
Speaker 1: of thumb is that do you the people that are
38:44
Speaker 1: close to you do you feel that you could open
38:46
Speaker 1: up about your feelings and they will be there as
38:49
Speaker 1: a sounding board for you. And if the answer is like,
38:52
Speaker 1: oh God, I would never open up to them like that,
38:54
Speaker 1: I would never, then what's that saying? I'm not comfortable
38:56
Speaker 1: enough around these people. I feel like I'd be judged,
38:59
Speaker 1: I'd feel like this or like that. If you're closest
39:02
Speaker 1: to quote unquote closest friends are people that you couldn't
39:06
Speaker 1: even open up about your deepest emotions or your fears
39:08
Speaker 1: or your insecurities, And how that's making you feel and
39:11
Speaker 1: like cry to them or whatever, then maybe that's an
39:15
Speaker 1: indicator as to why you might have low self esteem
39:18
Speaker 1: because you're like, if I don't feel comfortable doing it
39:20
Speaker 1: in front of these people, then I'm saying that I
39:22
Speaker 1: can't do it, that I shouldn't be doing it, that
39:24
Speaker 1: they're not going to accept me, that they're not going
39:26
Speaker 1: to accept my emotions. That they you know, I might
39:28
Speaker 1: be rejected, might be laughed at, or whatever. I don't
39:31
Speaker 1: feel comfortable. So I think it's really important that you, Yeah,
39:35
Speaker 1: if you're scared to raise things with people around you,
39:37
Speaker 1: if you're scared to show your true emotions with people
39:40
Speaker 1: around you, that's a bit of a red flag. Secure
39:43
Speaker 1: relationships should make you feel secure. And when we talk
39:48
Speaker 1: about security, we're talking about good emotions and bad emotions
39:51
Speaker 1: and happy and sad and everything in between. A secure
39:55
Speaker 1: relationship means I feel secure enough to be myself and
40:00
Speaker 1: if I'm not feeling good today, I can be that
40:02
Speaker 1: version of me. If I'm you know, if I'm having
40:04
Speaker 1: a bad day, I can be that version. A secure
40:06
Speaker 1: relationship makes you feel that you will be loved okay,
40:12
Speaker 1: and like within the parameters, if you're not being an
40:14
Speaker 1: absolute horrible person. But if you are a decent person,
40:17
Speaker 1: you can go through these waves of emotions and you
40:19
Speaker 1: will be loved. That is a secure relationship. So ask yourself,
40:22
Speaker 1: do I have secure relationships as an adult? Not just romantically.
40:26
Speaker 1: We're talking about friends, we're talking about family. And if
40:28
Speaker 1: you don't, then that's maybe a clear indicator as to
40:33
Speaker 1: why you might be struggling with self esteem and maybe
40:34
Speaker 1: start to look at And I'm not going to go
40:37
Speaker 1: into the how, because I've got episodes on making friends
40:39
Speaker 1: as adults and all of that and teach people how
40:41
Speaker 1: to treat you. There's a whole bunch of episodes that
40:42
Speaker 1: I could point you to. But I think your relationships.
40:47
Speaker 1: Start taking a good hard look at your relationships and
40:49
Speaker 1: get stingy with the people that you hang out with.
40:52
Speaker 1: Get clear on what you will and will not accept. Okay,
40:55
Speaker 1: because if you're going to surround yourself with clowns, you'll
40:58
Speaker 1: fucking become a clown, one of those sad clowns. Anyway,
41:02
Speaker 1: that is the episode of today. I hope that that
41:05
Speaker 1: opens your eyes when it comes to self esteem and
41:07
Speaker 1: how much you know, like you can look at it
41:12
Speaker 1: from a science perspective, and how much like you can
41:14
Speaker 1: do from a behavioral standpoint. Another thing which I didn't
41:17
Speaker 1: mention in these points, but that is very good on
41:19
Speaker 1: helping increase levels of gray matter volume in the brain
41:23
Speaker 1: is well, of course, adequate sleep, a good diet, but
41:28
Speaker 1: high intensity exercise is really, really, really good for increasing
41:33
Speaker 1: gray matter volume within the brain. And also when you
41:38
Speaker 1: do high intensity exercise, I feel like this has to
41:40
Speaker 1: be a brain fact, so I will like delve into
41:42
Speaker 1: it deeper. You actually release a neurotrophan called brain derived
41:45
Speaker 1: neurotrophic factor, and this particular neurotrophin is released in abundance
41:51
Speaker 1: in dan Dana the fucking hippocampus, which is the place
41:53
Speaker 1: where we see atrophy with people with low self esteem.
41:55
Speaker 1: And if you're releasing this brain derived neurotrophic factor in
41:59
Speaker 1: that air, it is neuroprotective. It helps. It's basically it
42:03
Speaker 1: encourages synaptic plasticity, so that's more connections between from cell
42:08
Speaker 1: to cell. And it is neuroprotective in the cell sense
42:11
Speaker 1: that it protects against atrophy, it protects against the breakdown
42:15
Speaker 1: of cells unnecessarily within the brain. So if on top
42:19
Speaker 1: of all of that, if you can include good sleep,
42:22
Speaker 1: good diet, high intensity exercise. Meditating as well helps increase
42:27
Speaker 1: neural connections and like activity between the regions of the
42:31
Speaker 1: hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex. All of that combined, you're
42:35
Speaker 1: looking at it from a fucking holistic situation. You're going
42:38
Speaker 1: to find massive changes in your brain. And not that
42:42
Speaker 1: you can scan it. I mean maybe you can. I
42:43
Speaker 1: don't know who you are. Maybe you have a fucking
42:45
Speaker 1: brain scanner it your disposal, but you will have an
42:49
Speaker 1: increase in the gray matter volume within the brain, which
42:51
Speaker 1: then correlatees to higher self estem So that I think
42:54
Speaker 1: is really really, really, really really cool. I loved everything
42:58
Speaker 1: about I was what I was read when I was
43:01
Speaker 1: putting this episode together, so I hope you guys loved
43:02
Speaker 1: it as much. Guys, thank you so much for listening.
43:04
Speaker 1: Please do me the biggest favor and rate five star,
43:08
Speaker 1: obviously review it saying that it's just fabulous, and share, share,
43:12
Speaker 1: share the podcast. We want to get as many people
43:15
Speaker 1: as possible changing their relationship with themselves for the better.
43:19
Speaker 1: Love you guys so much and shout out to my
43:21
Speaker 1: global beans, and as always, remember be kind to yourself,
43:23
Speaker 1: be kind to your brain. Don't take shit from anyone,
43:26
Speaker 1: and especially don't take shit from yourself. Dugger